Chapter Text
In the highest hall of Paradiso, the silence was broken only by the calm sound of a sprig of grass being chewed steadily. Lucky Luke sat across from Sera, the tall, stern Seraph, who seemed more worried than usual.
"Luke," Sera began, folding her long, slender hands. "The system of balance between the realms is in danger. A group of low-ranking demons, the kind called 'IMPs,' are crossing the portal to Earth illegally. They're carrying out... 'killings for hire.' The chaos they create is fouling the timelines."
Luke adjusted his white hat, which glowed with its own light. "They seem like tough guys, Mrs. Sera. But I'm retired. No more duels, no more prisons."
"I'm not asking you to kill them," Sera replied. "I want you to neutralize them. Their leader, a guy named Blitzo (the 'o' is silent), is slippery. We need someone who knows how to handle outlaws. And no one is faster than you."
Encounter on Earth: Modern Western
Luke descended to Earth in a flash of light, landing in the middle of a dark alley in Los Angeles. Before him, four figures emerged from a magical portal: Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona.
"Alright, guys, the target is that guy who didn't recycle his plastic in 2014!" Blitzo shouted, brandishing a hellfire pistol. "Let's take him out quick, I have a date with a guy who sells crystal horses on eBay!"
"Hold it," said a calm, deep voice behind them.
The four of them spun around. Lucky Luke was leaning against a trash can, his arms crossed and his gaze lowered beneath his hat brim.
"An angel?" Moxxie exclaimed, trembling. "Blitzo, it's an exterminating angel! We're all going to die!"
"He doesn't look like an exterminator, Moxxie!" Millie retorted, brandishing her axe. "He looks like... a cowboy from an old black-and-white movie. Hey, Grandpa! Carnival's over!"
Faster than their shadow
Blitzo wasted no time in opening fire. But before he could even pull the trigger, a flash of silver shot through the air. Lucky Luke hadn't even drawn his gun: with the sharp flick of a carefully tossed coin, he had deflected Blitzo's bullet, which ultimately hit the billboard above them.
"What... how did he do that?!" Blitzo shouted.
"Guys," Luke said, stepping forward. "You have two choices. Either you go back to your hellhole now, or I'll have to carry you out. And I'm warning you, I'm a very patient guy, but I have a horse up here waiting for me for dinner."
"GET IT!" Blitzo ordered.
Chaos ensued. Millie lunged for him, but Luke, in one fluid motion, used his angelic lasso to bind her ankles in midair. Moxxie tried to aim her sniper rifle, but Luke fired a single warning shot that hit the gun's safety, jamming it.
The "Dialogue" with Blitzo
Loona snorted, not looking up from her phone. "Some guy with a sprig of grass in his mouth is kicking your ass. Embarrassing."
Blitzo, left alone and out of ammunition, backed away. "Look, Cosplay Cowboy. We have a contract! It's work! Do you know what capitalism is?!"
Luke approached and, in a flash, removed his office hat and replaced it with a small wildflower. "Honesty is work when it doesn't dirty other people's consciences, buddy. Now, tell your boys to pack their bags."
Blitzo looked at the angelic cowboy. There was something about Lucky Luke—an unflappable calm—that unnerved him more than any demon Overlord. "All right, all right! We're leaving! Moxxie, open the portal! This place smells like... soapy goodness."
Return to Paradise
As the IMPs disappeared into the portal, cursing, Lucky Luke brushed his hat. Sera appeared in a bright projection beside him. "Good job, Luke. You sent them back without spilling a drop of blood."
"Let's just say they're lively kids, Mrs. Sera," Luke replied, smiling. "They remind me of someone... but with less hair and a lot more modern weapons. But you know what? I prefer the Daltons. At least Joe didn't talk about 'glass horses' so much."
Luke whistled, and Jolly Jumper, with her unicorn wings, descended from the clouds to carry him home.