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“Hey Rob, Robbie, hey Robbo.” Robert ignores Sonar calling out behind him, as he was getting ready for a much needed steam blowing session in the gym after today's stressful shift.
“Hey bitch.” Flambae grabs his shoulder, If he’s making me participate there’s no way I’m letting you get away with ignoring this.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Robert deadpans back
“A dick measuring contest dude,” Sonar chirps, “Flambae here has been claiming he’s got the biggest dick on the Z-team all shift. So I’m hosting a locker room show down to prove that I’M the best, biggest, and brightest cock on Z-team!”
“Yeah, I’m not going to be doing any of that.” Robert shrugs off Flambae’s hand and starts to leave.
“Oh no you don’t Bob-bob, just because you know that you’re going to lose miserably doesn’t mean you get to opt out of proving it in front of us.” Flambae taunts
Robert sighs, softly shaking his head. Fuck it this is going to at least be a little bit amusing “Alright fine,” he surrenders, “I’ll play along with your stupid little dick measuring contest.”
“Excellent!” Sonar exclaims turning back to the group he persistently gathered, “Now, as host, ref, and Harvard graduate, I nominate Flambae to kick us off and stand behind his claims of a supposed ‘Superior Dick.’”
“Fuck off with that supposed shit, and witness my superiority!” Flambae easily slips out of his costume to reveal an extremely average sized member, flames running down the length for dramatic effect.
“Bruddah, you call that superior?” Royd steps forward dropping his pants, showing off his massive cock “It ain’t even half the size of mine!”
“Yeah no SHITE your dick is the size of my arm, you’re 3 times the size of me!” Punch up hops onto the bench completely pantless. “What’s even more impressive is that I’m bigger than Mister Superior Cock over their even after the witch shrank it.”
“Why you littleー” Flambae gets interrupted mid-fire up by Sonar stepping forward pointing at Robert,” Robbo you’re up, don’t cry too hard when you lose.”
“If it’ll shut you all up faster, here you fucking go”
“Jesus fucking Christ Robbie!” Punch up exclaims, “I thought I was pretty big, but you’ve got me beat by a full inch!
Before anyone else can say anything a heatwave blasts through the locker room, causing everyone to duck. “NO, NO FUCKING WAY ROBERT MECHA DICK ROBERTSON BEATS ME AT THIS.”
The temperature in the room continues spiking as flames roll down his arms so thick they start falling onto the floor in droplets leaving scorch marks as they dissipate. He rears back to start blasting and is suddenly drenched in so much water he falls to the ground spluttering and looking like a drowned cat.
“B-b-back off!” Waterboy stands ready, bare ass naked and trembling like a leaf in a hurricane, whether from nerves or cold it’s hard to tell. “I-I can -will sh- shoot again!”
“Yah cool it brah, you can’t torch all da peoples with a bigga cock than you.” Royd points out.
“Yeah bro, calm the fuck down, we haven’t gotten to the main event yet so we need to keep going!” Sonar pushes his way back into the spotlight, “There’s literally only one more and I to do the finale before you crisp us all.”
“Speaking of, HOLY SHITE kid! That’s an absolute monster! Where do you even put it all?!?” Punch up peaks over everyone’s shoulders from the bench, “I think you’re even bigger than Robbert over here.”
“Oh you think he’s got a monster? Wait until I show you all what I’m packing! I hope you’re ready for the main event!” Sonar spreads his arms as far back as they can go letting his pants drop around his ankles.
There’s a silence that draws itself well into awkward territory as everyone processes what they’re seeing and Sonar stands in the same pose waiting for the reaction. Punch up manages to get his access to language back first. ”Wow… I didn’t know they could get small.”
That sentence snaps everyone back to life with a deafening cacophony of laughter, completely drowning out Sonar’s crash landing with reality and the despair that quickly follows. He is on the verge of tears by the time everyone gets quiet again.
“C’mon, don’t you all know that you’re only supposed to pick on people your own size” Robert steps up to defend Sonar, “Little guy can’t defend himself.”
That last comment sends Sonar over the edge, “Stop calling me LITTLE!” Transforming mid sentence with an ear piercing screech that echoes off the walls as the locker room feels much more cramped with Sonar now towering over them.
“Well he sure ain’t little now,” Punch up chuckles, “So it’s fair game again! Hell, even Royd can join in now, considering he’s now on top. Main event indeed! Congrats on the win!”
“What? No! I can’t win like this! This isn’t right, IT ISN’T RIGHT!!” Sonar screams as he crashes out of the locker room and flies off into the night.
“Well, that’s more than enough to call it a night,” Robert claps his hands together, “Everyone get your pants on and get out of here. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”