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In the IT basement, strange habits came and went. There was that week when Roy got worryingly into energy drinks. Jen tried out World of Warcraft for a while and then had to forcibly quit. Richmond had occasional intense bouts of coming out and socializing with the others, including one stretch in which he'd nap on the sofa for hours of the workday—always lying perpendicular, with his legs swung over the back and his head all the way on the floor, upside-down like a bat. Everybody was entitled to their phases, and they were all generally harmless.
The one Jen was really concerned about was Moss's new habit of kissing her and Roy.
It's not that it wasn't nice — well, maybe a little too wet, and generally quite aggressive — but it came out of the blue, every single time. A kiss hello, a kiss before going up to fix someone's computer, a kiss after wandering over to show Jen a lolcat she might like. Any time, any reason. It always caught her off guard, and generally left her so dazed that she wasn't able to articulate any concerns other than a hearty “Hmm??”, which hadn't provoked any useful responses.
She'd needled Roy with a few questions after the first time (since Moss had simply walked away), and he seemed entirely dismissive about it. Moss had done it to him plenty of times over the years, apparently. It was just a thing.
But, after a couple weeks of really rather frequent Moss-initiated makeouts, Jen was at her wits' end.
“Honestly, I've never been kissed so much by a man who has never even looked at my tits!” She ranted, unsure what part of the arrangement she was even mad about.
“I'm not sure I relate to the comparison,” said Roy, twirling in the chair in front of her desk.
“Well, does he actually want to sleep with me?”
“Moss? No, lord, no! I mean, that would mean he wanted to sleep with me, and I’d notice something like that.”
Jen considered. Roy wasn’t especially a noticer, but he was skilled in two ways: Moss-isms, and making himself believe people wanted to sleep with him.
“Then why the hell is he doing it? Just as a laugh?”
“Noo, not as a laugh. If he makes a joke, he tells you.”
“Right. Then it must be sexual.”
“Say, why don't we just ask him?” Roy turned and yelled through the wall. “Hey Moss! MOSS!!”
Moss knocked on the office door.
“Come in,” she and Roy called in unison.
“Hello!” said Moss, awkwardly in the doorway.
“Hi, Moss. Do you,” Roy pointed at Moss, “want to have sex,” Roy made horrible jazz hands, “with me?” Pointing at himself. Like he was on a children’s programme, explaining everything with a patient, shit-eating voice.
“Not particularly, no,” Moss answered chirpily.
“Alright, that’s great, that’s really great.” Roy was grinning. “How about with Jen?”
“With both of you? Now that sounds overwhelming!”
“No no no, just you and her.”
“Ahhh. Definitely not.” Bafflingly, Moss nodded as he said it.
“Alright, thanks Moss!”
Moss grabbed his face and laid a long, sucking kiss onto Roy’s floundering lips. It made Jen snicker, despite herself.
He pulled away with a smack.
“No problem, Roy!” Walked away, closed the door.
The two of them stared after him.
“Well,’’ Jen decided, still a bit confused, “those answers just made me feel like I should be offended.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Roy said in that high pitched, airy voice that meant he still wasn’t all the way back to reality.