Work Text:
He had never really thought about it before. The void in his chest. It had always just been there, it had never really seemed all that strange to him. He was used to not having all the tics and whirs that his brothers had. Sometimes he could hear his koi swimming about, but that was about it. Listening to his brothers just be was one of The Jons favorite things. He knew by the hums and clicks that they were alive and well.
Then he started to notice his own silence more. In the quiet moments in the mornings, when he somehow managed to wake up first. He would just sit and listen to the birds, and the sounds of the manor slowly waking up. But he was silent, and it had started bother him. If the blue matter cores and internal workings meant his brothers were alive, what did the void mean for him? He normally just shrugged it off as lingering sentiments from his vivid dreams. But then people started saying things.
It all started after a concert. The bots were greeting fans, The Spine being his serious, dapper self, and Rabbit being, well, Rabbit. Jon always loved this part of the job, because he got to meet new people and talk about stuff he loved. He was talking to a couple of particularly enthusiastic fans, who were rambling on and on about the show, and how much they loved their music, and something called a ‘Merker Rerd’ for some reason, but Jon was happy to listen. “So, like, you seem so different from the others,” One of the fans started, catching Jons attention. He tipped his head at her. “Like, you’re just so flamboyant and Rabbit and The Spine just like, sing about love and stuff, and you sing about birds and magic and, like, How do I say it?” She said, turning to her friend. “You’re just not like them at all.” Her friend said. Jon listened to them ramble on for a bit, then tended to the other fans until their time was up. After everything was finished and they had all packed up, the six members of Steam Powered Giraffe all loaded onto their bus to head home.
Jon had managed to dwell on other things while they had been at the convention center, but now that they were on the road those two girls words came back to him. Was he really all that
different? He didn’t really feel all that different. He felt his Koi flip nervously in his chest and he realized that yeah, he kinda was. He drooped in his seat. “You Ok there, Jon?” The Spine asked, his voice full of brotherly concern. The Jon frowned slightly to himself but nodded, not wanting to say anything until he understood what exactly he was feeling. The Spine patted him gently on the shoulder then walked to the back of the bus to check on Rabbit. Rabbit had been glitching a bit more than usual during the last set of the concert, and everyone had been pestering him to make sure he was all right. He had stubbornly insisted that yes, he was fine. No, he didn’t need anything. Except ice cream. He always needed ice cream.
It was a long drive home. Jon tried to keep up a happy demeanor for his family, but inside he was still doubting. He never really thought much about the void, but now that he thought about it, it felt all consuming. There was just nothing there. Just a koi and a hotdog. Hardly much of a core. Or a soul.
After a very extensive and tiring trip, they finally made it home. Everyone helped unpack, since they had some pretty heavy equipment. Once everything was squared away, everyone retreated to their own parts of the manor. After being around so many people for so long, they needed some alone time. The Spine went to The Hall of Wires, Qwerty greeting him cheerfully. Rabbit wandered off to feed the ducks, and Jon went to his room.
He never spent much time in his room. It just felt to isolated from everyone, but right now that’s what he wanted. He wished he had a door, but no one was around to talk to him anyways. He walked over to his bed and sat down, springs creaking beneath him. He didn’t really need a bed, but he liked it anyways. It was comfy, and it squeaked when he moved. The Spine always got after him when he shifted around on the bed just to make it squeak, but it never really stopped him.
He slowly pried open his chest plate, flinching a bit at the noise. He knew no one was nearby, but he was still a bit jumpy. Peering into his chest as best he could, he saw his koi swimming peacefully about, his hotdog floating about behind it. Aside from that there was a whole lot of nothing. Jon, hands starting to shake, cautiously poked a finger in. He felt the void trying to suck his finger in, and quickly removed it. He knew if he stuck his whole hand in the void would try and swallow him. This had always made it especially hard for Michael to do repairs on The Jon, because if he was working to close to the void, there was always a chance of being sucked into the nothingness.
Nothing. The Jon started to shake, just barely, a tremor running through his polished brassold frame. Where Rabbit and The Spine had their cores, he had nothing. He shuddered again and drew his arms up, running his shaking hands up and down his suspenders nervously. Maybe he could fix it? Maybe if he found enough stuff, he could fill it up. Then he wouldn’t be so strange anymore. Standing up abruptly, Jon grabbed the closest thing he could find; his pillow. He shoved into his chest, the void sucking it in. It wasn’t enough, he still felt empty.
He scrambled around his room, shoving everything he could into his chest. He started to grow more and more frantic the longer he went. It wasn’t feeling any better! Running out of items that could fit, he scurried off to the guests rooms around him, emptying them of their small or smushable enough objects. He was in his third room when The Spine found him.
“Jon!” The Spine said sternly. It wasn’t uncommon for his little brother to behave strangely. That was just part of what made him Jon, and everyone loved him for it. Sometimes though, he could go a little overboard. Like the time he coated the entire third wing in finger paints. It had taken them three days to clean it up. The Spine was pretty sure Jon still had some of the paint in his joints, probably refusing to clean them out because ‘They look pretty!’
This was different though. At first, The Spine thought it was just Jon being himself again. Then he saw the look on the smaller automatons face. He looked panicked, and sad, and scared. “Jon?” He said again, more gentle this time. Jon turned around to face him, oily tears running down his face. He fell back onto his backside, clearly shaking. Spine walked over and knelt down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Everything alright there, Jon?”
The Jon shuddered, a small sob escaping his lips. “Nothing works, Spine,” he whimpered, drawing his knees up to his chest, partially closing his chest plate in the process. “I keep puttin’ more an’ more stuff in, but nothin’ works.” He looked so lost. The Spine shifted into the sitting position, wrapping a protective arm around his little brother. Jon was still shaking, his metal plates vibrating with stress.
“What doesn’t work?” The Spine asked quietly. Jon only shook his head and buried his face in his knees. The Spine gently rubbed his shoulder, growing more and more concerned. “Is it whatever was bothering you after the concert?” After a few minutes The Jon nodded slightly. “Are you gonna tell me what it is? I’m your brother, Jon. Maybe I can help.”
The Jon looked up at his big brother and broke down. He shoved his face into The Spine’s shoulder, crying. “I’m empty!” he choked out between sobs. “You an’ Rabbit have cores an’ stuff, but I don’t. I just have a fish and a hotdog.” He went quiet for a long time, and Spine just sat with him in it, trying to think of what to say. “Maybe I’m not really alive like you two…” Jon finally said quietly. The Spine pulled back slightly, startled.
He quickly shifted into protective-Spine mode. Pulling Jon in closer, the Spine held his little brother. “What started this, Jon?” Jon snuggled in closer, but didn’t say anything. They sat there in silence for some time, Spine wondering what happened. Had someone said something? The Jon was incredibly hard to bother. He let negativity just roll off his back, deciding to focus more on being happy and content. This, however, was a very serious matter. It must’ve been bothering the younger bot for some time.
The Jon shifted in his brothers embrace. “I’ve just been thinkin’ lately. You guys are loud, and I’m not.” He started quietly. The Spine frowned slightly and looked down at him. Jon pulled a face. “I can hear your boiler, an’ your core humming an’ stuff. But I don’t have any of that.” The Spine gently squeezed his shoulder but didn’t say anything, knowing if he did it would be hard for Jon to compose his thoughts again.
The Jon sighed deeply. His shaking had settled down significantly once Spine had come in, but he was still trembling a bit. He gently closed his chest plate the rest of the way and looked up at his brother. “Some girls at the concert said I was different. They said I wasn’t like you guys…” he said sadly. “So I thought maybe if I could fill my void up, I wouldn’t be different anymore.”
The Spine let out a small sigh, a puff of steam escaping his lips. He hugged Jon, then pulled him out so he could look him in the eyes. “Jon,” he started, his voice firm. Jon’s eyes widened a bit as he listened. “You are different, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. When Pappy built us, your core…” he paused, trying to think of how to word this so his point would get across properly. “ Your core changed. And Pappy knew that it just gave you more room to love everyone, so he knew that’s how you were supposed to be. There’s nothing wrong with you, Jon. You just have more ‘heart’.”
The Jons eyes widened further, the familiar air of wonderment returning to the young robot. “Really?” He asked quietly. The Spine nodded firmly. The Jon ran his hands up and down his suspenders again, processing. “But the noises….” The Spine patted Jon’s shoulder.
“Everyone sounds different, Jon. It doesn’t make you any more of less alive. You just have special insides.” He stated firmly. Jon frowned lightly, still thinking it through. He had heard some pretty different noises from the humans…And if The Spine said so, it must be true. The Spine didn’t lie. Ever.
Jon nodded, deciding that yeah, maybe he was different. But that was Ok. His family loved him, and he loved them. He was happy with his special insides. Smiling, Jon hugged his brother tightly. Letting go, he stood, still grinning. “I’m gonna go on an adventure now!” He chirped happily. The Spine chuckled, hauling himself to his feet. He patted Jon on the hat and smirked.
“You do that, Jon. Just try and stay out of trouble, alright?” He said, raising a brow at his brother. The Jon nodded enthusiastically then ran out of the room, humming “Ju Ju Magic” as he went.