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Jimmy resisted the growing urge to rip out his feathers for the tenth time that day. They were itchy and unkept and bothered him to no end.
He sat in the center of the small town with the others, the snow slowly falling and building up around them and their homes.
They passed around hot cocoa and stories, jokes and traditions they enjoyed. The first session of Nice Life had just ended, leaving them to enjoy themselves and create a happier atmosphere.
Jimmy should have been cheerful, enjoying the company and entertainment with his friends around. Bdubs and Joel trying to catch marshmallows in their mouths; Grian holding Scar’s cane and Pearl helping him get into a comfortable sitting position; Scott, Gem, and Cleo talking while making more hot chocolate over the fire; Ren and BigB having a nice conversation; and Skizz, Impulse, and Martyn throwing snowballs at each other.
Jimmy should have been happy, wanted to, but he couldn't.
His boyfriend, Tango,was gone, having not joined this game, along with Etho, Mumbo, and Lizzie. Tango was the one who usually kept Jimmy in better spirits, just being his enthusiastic self. He always made The Canary smile at his waving arms and flicking tail.
And Tango knew Jimmy struggled with asking for help and focusing only on the negative things, so he would always help Jimmy whenever he needed preening or help with pushing away negative thoughts or instincts.
Like right now.
Jimmy clutched his mug tighter, desperately trying to ignore how uncomfortable he felt from his messy wings tucked away from the glamour.
He looked around, trying to decide if there was anyone he could ask to help him. He didn't want to interrupt anyone, but these were his friends, they would mind, right?
Nevermind the fact that Grian kept picking on him, but jokingly! And Joel didn't hesitate to kill him, but as part of the game! And Bdubs yelling at him for asking when it was time to sleep, but he was being annoying!
Jimmy paused, eyes widening slightly. An all too familiar feeling enveloped him, bringing him back to different times. The cruel pranks pulled on his Cod Empire and Tumble Town, being cast out of the Southlanders in Last Life, being picked on with Tango in Double Life, being the worst Bad Boy, being almost completely alone in Secret Life, being Targeted in Wild Life, and being a whole REJECT in Past Life.
It was a familiar feeling he'd had before, but more than a feeling. His avian instincts kicked into full gear, alerting him of a potential problem. The problem being him.
Was…was he getting kicked out? Kicked out of the flock? A voice sounding a bit like Tango scolded him lightly for even thinking that, so he tried to push the thought away.
But everything was burning, his messy wings, his instincts, his eyes.
Numbly, Jimmy set his mug down and quietly left the campfire, shuffling along the path and to his home.
As soon as he entered the simple building, he immediately closed the door and released his wings. Old and bent feathers fell to the floor while others stuck out at odd and painful angles.
Jimmy tried to smooth them out in order to feel any relief, but it was pointless.
He looked over to his bed. Like Grian, he had made his bed as a nest, having gone around and asking for scarves and sweaters from his flock to weave into the blankets and sheets.
His eyes burned with tears as his instincts screamed at him, telling him that the worst had happened. That he was being nudged out of the flock.
He sadly strode over to his bed, pulling out the various mittens and scarves and sweaters and throwing them to the other side of the room, intending to never touch them again.
He heart throbbed at the simple blanket and sheet his nest was, and tears began to stream down his face. A sob released from his throat mixed with a sad chirp. His wings dropped down to the floor.
The small Tango voice in his head tried to reason and point out how wrong he was, but it was drowned out by his instincts, roaring from everywhere.
A knock on his door startled him and he whipped around.
There stood Impulse, eyes crinkled with worry as he stared at The Canary. “Jimmy?”
“Impulse,” Jimmy said, trying to sound normal while attempting to subtly (and failing) wipe away his tears. “What can I help you with?”
The demon’s tail flicked with concern. “I…came to check on you.”
Jimmy blinked, trying to calm his shaking hands.
“Uh, why?”
Impulse glanced worriedly at The Canary's hands before replying, “I was grabbing something from my house and…I heard you…crying.”
Jimmy's heart dropped but attempted to play it off, ignoring his instinctual urge to chirp for comfort. “Uh, I wasn't crying. I had the hiccups. Super annoying-”
“Jimmy.”
The blonde paused at the demon’s tone, watching as the Impulse’s tail flicked back and forth. “Jimmy, I see your eyes are puffy and you were trying to wipe away tears.”
Jimmy closed his eyes, inhaling shakily as he tried to keep what little composure he had. He was not going to break down again, especially not in front of Impulse. He wasn't going to-
A chirp released from his throat and his eyes shot open and he clamped a hand over his mouth. He glanced over at the man standing in his doorway.
Impulse’s eyes had gone slightly wider, staring at Jimmy with deeper concern now. His look of worry, the way his tail kept flicking, his hands partially outstretched, it hurt Jimmy.
The blonde felt his body shake as more sad chirps escaped him, taking a step back and sitting on the floor near his bed.
More alarmed than ever at the strange avian behavior Jimmy was showing, Impulse attempted to speak as calmly as possible. “Okay, Jimmy. I can't help you- I don't know what you need. But I'm going to get Grian, alright?”
All he received as a response were more warbles. He took that as his cue to go.
The demon quickly raced back towards the center of their small village, stopping in front of the log Grian sat on next to Scar and Pearl.
The parrot winged avian looked up at his demon friend. “Hey Impulse, what-”
“Grian,” Impulse said, feeling sorry for rudely interrupting. “I- Can you please come with me? It's important.”
Scar and Pearl both turned to look at Grian with confusion and slight worry.
Grian frowned a bit but gave a small nod to Impulse. He planted a gentle kiss on Scar’s head before standing up. “I'll be back in a minute.”
Scar nodded and gave a small smile. “Okay.”
Grian followed Impulse away from the others, both of them making their way down the path.
The parrot avian noticed Impulse's tail moving agitatedly. “Impulse, what's going on?”
The taller man sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I don't know, Grian. I don't know what's going on with him and I don't know how to help him-”
“Wait wait, hold on. Help who?”
“Jimmy.” Impulse replied, causing Grian’s eyes to widen in worry. “He's acting completely off. I heard him crying and when I saw him he was shaking.”
The two arrived in front of The Canary's home, both slowly opening the door and freezing at the sight before them.
Jimmy was curled up on the floor, knees pulled closer to him, arms curled into his chest, wings drooping weakly in a pitiful attempt in cocooning himself. His eyes were wide and watery, prepared for the tears to fall any minute. Warbles and distressed chirps repeatedly came from him.
Grian looked around the room, his gaze landing on the flimsy bed nest that his brother had made. He noticed a pile of familiar gloves, scarves, and sweaters in the opposite corner of the room.
The parrot avian’s wings dropped and his heart ached. He knew what was happening, he'd seen it before and had hoped that Jimmy had gotten better. Clearly not.
He slowly approached his brother, giving soft and repeated chirps giving the same message. Safe. Flock.
Jimmy looked up looking at Grian with side and frightful eyes, chirping out similarly.
Grian reached out to touch him, but Jimmy flinched, wrapping his wings around himself.
Grian sighed sadly.
“What's wrong with him?” Impulse asked, still standing near the door. “I'm assuming it has to do with some avian stuff-”
“It does and it doesn't,” Grian replied.
Impulse frowned in confusion. “What does that mean?”
Grian turned to look at his demon friend for a second, guilt and sorrow coursing through his veins. He slowly exhaled and turned to look back at his younger brother.
“Avians have a flock, a select group of people that are important to them and that they trust. We build nests and add soft clothes from members of our flock for comfort, safety, and assurance.
“But when the flock sees a member as a problem or a threat, they start treating them poorly, a sign of kicking them out. The nest is stripped of the clothes from the other members of the flock.”
“Is that what that pile of clothes is?” Impulse said, glancing to the corner. “Why did he take them out of his nest?”
Grian clenched his fists at his sides. “Jimmy is teased the most out of everyone here, and it's all light-hearted and just jokes. He laughs now, but a bit ago there was a long period of time where we went too far with him.”
“Timmy~!” Grian called, standing at the door of Jimmy's home in Tumble Town, Joel standing behind him, snickering.
He rolled his eyes when there wasn't any reply, knocking again, louder this time. “Tim! Joel and I have a surprise potion for you!”
“Don't be a cowardly toy, lad!” Joel added.
This time, Grian simply walked in the door, looking around the home. The kitchen was simple and on the table was a cup of coffee which had long gone cold, but seemed like it had been made just that morning.
“He must have been in a hurry to not have coffee,” Grian pondered.
“If we have to go on a bloody manhunt to find him-” Joel groaned.
They both went further into the house in search of the Sheriff, trying to keep quiet in case he was still there.
They stopped in front of his bedroom door, grinning at each other. They had him trapped, he couldn't run anywhere.
Grian slammed the door open with a loud “A-HA!”
He froze.
Jimmy was sitting on the floor of his room, wing limp and messy with bent feathers and dirt. A pile of clothes pushed messily into a far corner. His nest looked absolutely barren.
Upon the door being opened so fast, Jimmy whipped around, eyes wide and his face stained with tears.
“Jimmy-?” Grian croaked, shaken at the scene.
“What do you want?” The Canary asked in a hoarse whisper. He glanced at the potion in a shocked Joel’s hand. “Oh. You don't need that, I got the hint already.”
“Hint?! What hint?!” Joel exclaimed in confusion and fear, hands shaking. “Jimmy why are your wings so- Why were you crying?!”
Jimmy flinched at the brunette's loudness, jumping to his feet and raising his pitiful wings in defense. A weak attempt for a screech was released, causing both Grian and Joel to stop moving. “Don't come closer! You don't have to do anything, I get it, okay?! I understand!”
“Wh-what?”
“I'm out, I'm gone! I'm not-” He swallowed as the fierceness in his eyes burned out, replaced with sorrow. “I'm not a burden anymore.”
Grian felt his knees go weak as the realization hit him. “No- No, Jim-”
Jimmy shook his head and turned away, slipping back down to the floor. “Don't act like you care now, there's no use pretending since I'm out of the flock now.”
“What?!” Joel exclaimed, causing Jimmy to flinch again. “No you're not! What on Earth made you think-”
“The pranks…” Grian croaked out.
Joel promptly shut his mouth when it hit him, eyes widening. “Oh- oh no. No no no. Jimmy-”
Chirps and warbles came from the shaking Sheriff, causing both Grian and Joel to rush over and hug him.
“Jimmy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
“We're both sorry.”
Jimmy didn't answer, simply breaking down and crying in the arms of his brother and best friend.
“He thought we were treating him terribly because we were kicking him out of the flock and he was preparing himself for it. We hurt him deeply.”
The parrot avian swallowed and looked at his demon friend, whose wide eyes gave away his reaction. “We called the others and brought more clothes to give him, and encouraged him to fix his nest while we preened him. Since then, we've done our best to take care of him and reassure him every day. What really helped him was Tango during and after Double Life, especially when they started dating.”
“They are perfect for each other…” Impulse noted
Grian nodded. “Jimmy has been getting a lot better and has been comfortable with teasing because he knows we are joking and Tango reassures him when we can't. But every once in a while…”
“...he panics,” Impulse finished.
“Yeah,” the avian said. “When he's having a rough time, he's especially sensitive and panics, thinking of when we were…harsher. I think not having Tango here has been difficult.”
“Is his flock here?” Impulse asked.
Grian nodded. “Joel, Martyn, Pearl, and I are all part of his flock. Lizzie and Tango are part of it, but obviously aren't here.”
“Should I still message them?”
“Yes, to keep them updated.”
Impulse nodded and pulled out his comm, texting the blazeborn and Lizzie.
Grian knelt next to his brother, gently touching the gold wing, but Jimmy pulled away.
“Impulse.”
“Yeah?”
“Please go and get Martyn, Joel, and Pearl. Tell them to bring their extra scarves to Jimmy's house. And afterwards, please make sure no one else comes in.”
Impulse nodded before stepping outside and closing the door, leaving the two siblings alone.
Grian slowly scooted over closer to his younger brother, not reaching out to him this time. He simply sat next to him on the floor.
When Jimmy gave a distressed chirp, Grian responded with his own comforting and reassuring one.
Safe… Flock…
In no time at all, the door opened again, and Grian looked towards it. Joel was standing in the doorway with his extra sweater and scarf in his arms, Pearl and Martyn stood behind him similarly.
Upon seeing Grian sitting next to a curled ball of messy gold wings, their eyes softened, seeming to be comforted by the fact that Jimmy wasn't alone.
They entered the house, and Grian caught a glimpse of Impulse standing directly outside the door, playing bouncer/guard to keep anyone else from coming in. The door closed.
“How is he, Grian?” Pearl asked, slowly approaching with her sweater and scarf.
Grian sighed. “He isn't letting anyone touch him, and he keeps questioning if he's still in the flock.”
Pearl's face dropped while Martyn’s face scrunched with worry. Joel handed off his clothes to Pearl to hold before getting closer and crouching down in front of his best friend.
“Hey Jim…” he said softly. “You can open your wings up? It's safe, I promise.”
Grian gave a few extra reassuring chirps to help, and slowly, Jimmy’s wings unwrapped, revealing his tear stained face.
Joel gave a sad smile. “There you are, bud.”
Jimmy blinked. “Joel?” he whispered, turning his head and realizing how many people there were. “Guys?”
“We're here, Jimmy,” Grian soothed. He gently started to stroke one of the gold wings, and felt a flash of joy when his brother didn't pull away. “We're gonna help you.”
“We brought you some things for your nest,” Pearl explained, holding up the clothes they brought. “We wanted to make sure you added them in with the rest so that you don’t get cold.”
Jimmy blinked and turned his head to the pile of discarded clothes in the corner, frowning slightly. “Oh…Yeah, I should…I should make my nest…”
He didn't move or even try to stand, simply sat there numbly, staring at his nest.
Grian winced at the lack of movement from his brother and turned to give a pleaing look to Martyn, and the other man nodded.
Martyn approached The Canary slowly, crouching down and taking the other blond in his arms. “C'mon mate. I got you.”
Jimmy, not fully registering anything yet, clung tightly to his friend, burying his face in the green shirt.
Martyn gave a sad smile and stood up holding the other man. “Let's get you into your nest to get started.” He strode over to the nest and carefully placed his friend in the middle of it.
Pearl and Joel brought over the pile of clothes for him to sort through.
Jimmy blinked at the pile, and after a few silent seconds, reached for a blue scarf belonging to Pearl. He carefully placed it along the inner circle lining of his blanket and sheet neat before reaching for a mitten to tuck in.
Grian let out a relieved sigh at the sight, turning back to the others. “Let's get comfortable.”
They four sat on the floor in a circle, quietly talking to make sure Jimmy did not become distracted.
“What triggered him this time?” Martyn asked, looking at Grian.
“I think it was being chased down while being on the naughty list and Tango not being here,” he replied. “He's usually less sensitive knowing that Tango is around.”
“Have we messaged Tango yet? And Lizzie?” Joel asked.
Grian nodded. “Yeah, I asked Impulse to let them know just in case. I don't know if they'll message me or Impulse though. No word yet.”
“I hope they won't worry too much,” Pearl commented, fidgeting with her sweater sleeves. “They know we can help him too-”
A sob interrupted her and the group turned to look at the nest where it came from.
Jimmy, while adding a sweater to his already bigger nest, had tears running down his face and was shaking with soft cries.
“Oh- oh Jimmy-” Pearl whispered sadly, standing up with the others.
Joel immediately approached The Canary and sat in the nest, wrapping him tightly into a hug. “You're okay, Jimmy. You're safe.”
“I- I'm sorry,” the blond hiccuped, leaning against his best friend. “I don't know why I'm like this.”
“Jimmy, mate, you don't have to apologize for anything,” Martyn said, crawling into the nest with Grian and Pearl right behind him. “It's not your fault.
“If anything it's ours,” Pearl told him, starting to lovingly preen his wings. “We made you feel this way for so long, we let it get to this point.”
Jimmy shook his head. “No, you didn't-”
“Yes we did, Jim,” Grian interrupted, gently combing a hand through his hair. “We hurt you and we are SO sorry. And we will continue to apologize to you and help you.”
Jimmy’s eyes filled with tears again and released a mix between a sob and a chirp, burying his face into Joel’s chest. The brunette held him closer.
Grian felt a buzz come from his comm and checked his messages from expected friends.
Tango:
Grian!
Is Jimmy okay?!
Lizzie:
Impulse messaged us
Where is Jimmy?
Grian:
He's currently with Joel, Pearl, Martyn, and I in his house. He's a bit overwhelmed rn
Tango:
I wish I had joined the game! I would be able to be there!
Lizzie:
Can we please call?
Just to make sure he's okay?
Grian:
Actually that's a great idea
Maybe you can help reassure him
Grian answered his comm the moment the FaceTime ringer alerted him. On the screen were both Lizzie and Tango in a conjoined call. Both looked anxious.
Grian gently touched his brother's shoulder. “Jimmy, look who's FaceTiming.”
The Canary lifted his head as Grian showed his comm. His eyes widened at the sight of the two other members of his flock on the screen. “Tango? Lizzie?”
“Hey love,” Tango greeted softly, a small smile on his lips. “I'm so happy to see you.”
“Are you okay? Are the others taking care of you?” Lizzie asked, making sure to keep her voice gentle and panic free.
Jimmy nodded, eyes slightly misty. “They are…I feel bad for being like this though…”
“Oh birdy,” Tango cooed. “No, don't feel bad. This is an understandable reaction after everything. But they all realized their mistakes and are doing everything they can to help you, we all are.”
“And you're getting better too,” Lizzie added with a smile. “You are working hard to get better and everyone knows that. It's okay to need help, that's what your flock is for.”
“And when we can't be there, the others will be,” Tango said.
Jimmy nodded again, wiping his eyes. “I miss you..." he whispered. "Both of you."
“We miss you too, birdy,” Tango said. “We'll see each other soon though, okay? This game isn't going to last as long as the others, right Grian?”
Grian nodded. “Yes, three sessions max.”
“See? Short, simple and fun.”
“Tell you what, Jimmy,” Lizzie said. “When the game is over, we'll all gather together at your home and snuggle in your nest. And I'll even bring my special biscuits.”
Jimmy gave a small chuckle. “Those are so good. I like that plan.”
“I love you,” Tango said. “We'll see you soon, you're gonna do great.”
“I love you too…”
“Take care of him, guys,” Lizzie said, addressing the others.
They all nodded, with a “Of course” from Pearl.
The FaceTime ended, leaving silence in the nest for a second.
Then Grian curled his arms tightly around The Canary. “We love you, Jimmy.”
“So, so much, mate,” Martyn added, him and Pearl also joining in the hug.
Jimmy took a deep breath and nodded, reaching his arms out to return the affection. “I love you guys too. Thank you…”
Yeah, he would be okay.