Work Text:
Root dislikes wearing pajamas because they remind her of her incarceration in that mental hospital.
Since Shaw participated in facilitating that incarceration, she'll have to live with Root sleeping naked. Whether she likes it or not.
"You could at least wear panties," Shaw hisses, the third time Gen sneaks away from school and tries to break into their place in the middle of the night-- Root is halfway to the door in her bare skin before Shaw catches her.
"No." Root says and goes back to bed to let Shaw deal with their teenage interruption.
It's not like Root doesn't have things she could sleep in. Shaw has bought her multiple pairs of silky, indulgent pajamas. She has oversized tee shirts and a snuggie and even a pair of leggings. Root is fine wearing these things in the time between getting home and going to bed. But as soon as it's time to sleep, every stitch has to come off. Even in winter. Even in safehouses. Anywhere really, except on missions when she doesn't really sleep anyway.
Most of the time it's not even sexy. It's Root with her hair in papers or whatever to make it bouncy, and glasses. She's a pale strip of a human being, luminescent, like a small dark-haired ghost in Shaw's bed. It's Root drooling all over herself because she turns into a Bassett Hound when she sleeps. It's Root getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and walking into furniture because sleep messes with her equilibrium.
"Just wear a shirt," Shaw says when she sees yet another bruise from the corner of the dresser on Root's hip, "It'll brush against stuff, like whiskers..."
Root raises her eyebrow. She doesn't even have to say no at this point.
Even when Smol goes through a "clawing everything in reach" phase, Root spurns the protection of pajamas.
Even when Gen stays with them for the summer, Root forgoes pajamas and makes sure to wear a robe outside the bedroom.
Even when Bear stays over and has a bad dream and climbs into bed with them.
"Root," Shaw starts-
"It's nothing he hasn't seen before," Root interrupts tartly.
Bear snuffles and licks Root on the side of her face.
"HEY!" Shaw is indignant, "not cool, Bear."
Bear shoots Shaw a baleful look and attempts to rectify the situation by licking her face too.
If this is parenthood, it sucks,
Shaw eventually stops caring about the pajama situation, but goading Root is enjoyable. Root likes seeing Shaw in her silky pajamas, the sleeves and arms rolled up. She looks like the mouse in the immigrant mice movie. Insanely cute. Root really wants to put an oversized hat on Shaw's head and sing "somewhere out there" until Shaw knocks her out.
"Nice pjs," Root murmurs seductively, snuggling up to Shaw under the sheets.
"There's only one way you're getting into these pjs"
Too late, Root's hand has already made it inside.
"were you going to say, 'you're only getting into them if you put them on'?" Root inquires innocently.
Shaw lets out all her breath at once as Root starts working some wicked magic with her fingers.
"mmmm, I uh, I forget...."
They go on vacation one winter and Shaw pranks Root by taking all the clothes out of her suitcase and filling it pajamas. She leaves the toiletries and toys though: she's a fundamentally good person, after all.
Root punishes Shaw by not using any of the toys or playing any fun naughty games with her on the first night of their trip. Shaw goes out and buys Root some proper clothes. Mostly Hawaiian shirts and bermuda shorts because that's all the hotel gift shop sells. Shaw orders her a waffle for breakfast in bed. She requests chocolate sauce (for the waffle... or... for the make up conversation they might have if she plays her cards right).
Root forgives her. Root forgives her two times in bed and once in the shower and once again on the balcony while Shaw's trying to take a photo of the view. Root even lets Shaw taste the chocolate sauce (but not the waffle).
Root thinks it's funny to buy pajamas for Shaw too. Root's favorite themes: dinosaurs, camo, ninjas, and space themed pajamas. They are always polyester and always hideous.
"Where did you find these t-rex hooded footie pjs in an adult size?"
"Who said that was an adult size?"
It's not like it becomes a game between them, trying to one-up the other on most outrageous pajamas purchased.
It's not like Shaw comes home to find a handmade set of chain mail pajamas spread out on her side of the bed.
"Kevlar would have been ok, Root, but this is just nerdy,"
Root smirks and winks.
She's not winking when Shaw hands her a pair of pajamas that look like scrubs with "bae loves me" converted to binary code and screen printed on them. It's a real dilemma because the acknowledgment of love but then the pajamas... Root frames the shirt and hangs it in her computer dungeon/lab/office. Shaw scowls, outsmarted, as Root climbs into the pants.
"I look forward to working out in these. And then working my way out of them..."
Shaw shakes her head. Nerd.
When she gets to be about forty three, Shaw starts to appreciate the naked sleep. Root buys ridiculously expensive sheets and they feel like paradise on her skin. And when she gets suddenly hot, it's easy to flip the covers back and cool down fast. Plus waking up with her and Root's limbs mixed together isn't bad. Skin on skin contact is the first step toward other kinds of good things. Shaw doesn't participate in the naked sleeping very often, but she doesn't oppose it quite so vociferously any more.
Of course, there is an incident when someone tries to break in to a safehouse they're setting up (and it's not even a break-in because of the Machine or who they are, just a dumbass attempt at burglary) and Shaw bounds out of bed, nude with her gun in one hand and taser in the other. She gets close enough to tase him in the throat (Root will be disappointed she didn't get to do the honors). He howls and drops his crowbar and collapses onto the floor (crushing the safehouse roomba in his descent, that makes 12, Shaw smirks. silver lining).
Root comes out and turns the lights on while Shaw is administering zip ties, still naked.
"We have to kill him," Root comments lightly.
The guy's eyes widen and his nostrils flare. Shaw blinks. Root seems dead serious, well, apart from her wicked smirk.
"Why?"
"He saw us naked. It's in the Bible, Sameen, it's a perfectly legal course of action... Of course, I don't think we can stone him. This floor is reclaimed hardwood, it would be ruined..."
"Root."
"Electrocution could be fun," Root eyes the blender. Shaw doesn't even want to know.
The guy tries to squirm and squeals at them.
"I dunno, Root, he's not gonna fit down the garbage shoot... and I left my bonesaw at work."
"Silly, we have acid under the sink." Root moves around the prone robber and pulls out a jug of hydrochloric acid. She sets it on the counter.
"I vote we stab him in the eyes." Root pouts at him, "you were very naughty."
Shaw shakes her head, "too messy."
Root has a meat cleaver now and she advances on their captive, she's still buck naked.
"Babe, can you go put a robe on or something? This guy's way too close to your junk."
"Are you jealous???" Root gloats,
"Wouldn't want him to bite you. I left the tetanus shots at work too"
Root sighs sadly and wanders off to get a robe, handing Shaw the cleaver. as she goes, "make it look like an accident."
The robber is bawling at this point. Shaw's surprised the Machine hasn't provided Root with all kinds of details about him, his family, friends, childhood neighbors, etc.
In the end, they duck tape his mouth, drug him a little, and leave him in the back of his own truck (atop a pile of obviously pilfered goods).
Root tells the Machine to file a report of suspicious activity to the police. Shaw double bolts the door and blocks it with a table.
"Good thing we're installing the alarm systems tomorrow."
As they settle into bed again, Shaw asks, "why didn't the Machine tip us off?"
Root, half asleep already, mumbles, "Turn my tech off at night. She knows... I like just you 'n me in bed"
It takes Shaw aback because she didn't think she'd ever had Root without the Machine. The Machine was always there, even when Root was nude in bed, the Machine's watchful gaze was there. Shaw puzzles over this. Must mean something that Root is choosing to turn off her access to God...
"You do that a lot?"
"When we're not on missions" Root sort of slurrs, "We like our privacy.. Iz part of my semi-retirement"
Shaw looks over at her. Root is already mostly asleep. Shaw reaches over, places her palm on Root's bare shoulder. It's kind of a big deal. So of course Root acts like it's nothing....
Of course, her sweet little confession doesn't save Root from getting a custom order pair of bunny rabbit footie-pajamas for Christmas.
"Furry kink?" Root asks.
"Didn't want you getting cold feet when we go to Vale and then pressing 'em up on me."
"Oh, sweetie, I'll never get cold feet with you."
Shaw rolls her eyes. Cornball.
She unwraps her present. Galaxy print sleep shorts and a tank. Soft and light and incredibly comfy.
"You know, cuz you're my universe." Root chimes.
"Oh my god. Did you eat a book of dad jokes?"
Root grins. Shaw shrugs. Gen stares at them, jaw dropping a little. She should have accepted Harold's offer to spend Christmas with him. At least he and Bear didn't have... weird inside jokes.
Gen steals the galaxy shorts while Root and Shaw are eye-sexing each other over Christmas breakfast.
"Give those back," Shaw says without looking away from Root, "or I'll let her tell you horrifying stories til New Years."