Archive of Our Own

He tried to ignore the hushed, gossiping voices around him as he walked toward the school's front gate. He was certain they were saying the same old things, but he still hadn't gotten used to being talked about like that even after experiencing it practically his whole life. It also didn't help that any crowd or group he walked toward spread the moment they saw him.

But then again, maybe that had more to do with the two giant men in black suits at either of his sides.

He stopped at the open gate and turned to face them. "I'm fine from here. You can go," he said.

For a moment, both of their faces faltered. "But the boss said—"

"I know what my father said, but I'm telling you that I can walk from here to the front doors by myself." He cut them off, internally cringing at how similar his voice sounded to his father's. His eyes briefly shut and he shook his head faintly before looking at them again. "If you get in trouble with him, just tell him I insisted, okay?"

They glanced at each other with extreme hesitancy written all over their faces and demeanor. Luckily, though, this was their first week on the job, so maybe Kyungsoo still had a shot at establishing this boundary early on.

"Alright, but we're waiting here until we see you go inside," the one on the right eventually replied, crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest. "The boss gave us orders to get you to school safely, and that's what we're gonna do."

He sighed. It was something at least, something better than being walked through the school grounds with his own personal security.

"Fine," he said. "Just...try not to scare anyone, okay?"

"We're not scaring anyone. If they feel scared, then it's probably because they're up to something," the guy on the left said.

The teenager blinked back at him, unamused and slightly annoyed. "Right, I'm going in then. See you this afternoon, I guess," he said before promptly turning around and walking away from them. The stares and whispered persisted during his quickened walk to the school's entrance, but at least they were mostly aimed at the two random guys standing behind the gate now than him. Though, he could still feel a few pairs of them in the wake of his steps as he made his way to his locker right in the entryway.

But what was new? This was the reality Do Kyungsoo had gotten stuck with when he was born into a prominent mafia family.

To say he was used to it would have been a stretch. It was more like he was numb to the ever-present thorn in his side called his life. It was something he had to accept because it was unchangeable. His parents knew too many people and had too many dirty secrets stashed away in their files for him to run away and change his name. They'd find him. He knew this because he did try to run away once. Granted, it was when he was like 10 and during a temper tantrum, but still. Both of his dads were so confident and prepared that when he was quickly returned home, they didn't even acknowledge what happened with more than a calm and condescending, "There you are, honey."

It was honestly the most terrifying he'd ever seen them. And he'd seen a lot for having only been alive 18 years.

So, with the knowledge that the current state of his existence is locked into place for the foreseeable future, Kyungsoo stopped trying to fight the inevitable. He accepted that no one will ever really want to be his friend and that anyone who did probably couldn't be trusted. This was his reality. This was his life. Even if he never asked for it.

>>>>>>

Upon arriving to his classroom and sitting in his seat in the back corner of the room, Kyungsoo officially entered survival mode. He sealed his lips and put all of his focus and effort into his school work. He took out his designated notebook for his first class as well as the related textbook and laid his favorite pencil and the correct colored highlighter next to those. More students filtered in over the next 10 or so minutes, most of them grouped up and talking and laughing with each other over something on their phones. Kyungsoo tried to not to watch them, but it was hard not to when he felt like he was on a completely separate island. But he was quick to correct any emotion pouring over onto his face and lower his gaze.

He didn't look up again until the teacher entered the classroom, at which point every other student scattered to their seats and gradually fell quiet. In tow behind the teacher was a student Kyungsoo had never seen before. As he waited for the teacher to introduce him, he was standing off in the corner of the room, but he stood out like he was standing on the center of a big, lit-up stage.

He was handsome in a boy-ish way, with his lightly tossed dark brown hair and the giddy confidence in his demeanor, mainly noticeable in the way he was kind of bouncing on his toes. But his arms did look pretty toned and defined for someone Kyungsoo assumed was around his age. He could already picture him running track or playing soccer or basketball. Something that would require him to work out as often as it seemed he did.

Kyungsoo realized he was staring too long and too intensely when his eyes caught Jongin's looking right back at him. He startled but held the eye contact for a moment before he forced himself to look down, away, out of the window—literally anywhere but at the new kid.

"With that out of the way," he heard the teacher say once his senses came back in, "I have one last announcement before we begin. A new student will be joining our class this semester." He motioned for the boy to step forward, and he did so after a brief nod.

"Hello, I'm Kim Jongin, but you can call me Kai. I look forward to getting to you know you all better," he said with a bow and surprisingly bright, positive smile. Kyungsoo was too busy trying to figure out why that bothered him to really register the other reactions around the room, but there was no denying how objectively attractive this guy was, so he could easily imagine them.

"Let's do our best to show Kai our best sides and help him acclimate," the teacher said. He then turned to address Kai directly. "You can go sit back there in front of Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo, raise your hand so Kai knows who you are."

He heard his name being spoken but, again, didn't completely register it until an awkward a few seconds later. Feeling a little embarrassed by his delayed reaction, Kyungsoo raised his hand up just enough to be seen from the front, doing his best to cover the shake in his muscles. Kai looked at him for a normal amount of time before bowing slightly at the teacher and making his way to the back corner of the room.

Kyungsoo's back corner. His lonely island.

Kai sat down at the seat in front of him, sliding off the backpack he was holding over his one shoulder and dropping it on the desk. For a moment, Kyungsoo thought—or hoped rather—that he wouldn't talk to him. That this friendly new kid act was just that, an act.

But of course he wouldn't have such luck.

"Hey," he said in a lower voice after the teacher began talking about their lesson for the day. He was smiling again, and despite it being much smaller, it was still dazzling and mesmerizing to witness. "I'm Kai."

"I gathered," was Kyungsoo's gut reaction, and his monotone, completely neutral voice didn't make him sound the least bit friendly.

But this Kai didn't seem too fazed by his brazen indifference, merely just cocking his head to the side a bit before his smile pulled more to the corner of his mouth for a moment. "You got a pencil or something I can borrow? I left mine at home this morning."

Normally, Kyungsoo wouldn't make other people's lack of responsibility his problem, but he seemed to have trouble putting that into words the longer their eyes danced across each other's faces. So, without even really thinking about it, he reached for his favorite pencil and handed it off to him.

Kai smiled at him once more. "Thanks, Kyungsoo," he said before facing forward again.

When Kyungsoo finally came back to, he realized what he had just done.

>>>>>>

Sitting behind the hot new boy all day proved to be a quite the task. He got a bit of respite during gym class and lunch, but even then, he couldn't completely escape him. He plagued his thoughts in a way that was confusing and curious. He had seen plenty of new students transfer in over the years, and none of them had captured his attention the way Kai had. What was so different about him? It couldn't have been his looks alone because despite never talking to anyone, Kyungsoo could internally acknowledge an attractive person when he saw them. No, there was something more to him, something that wouldn't let go of Kyungsoo's attention no matter how much he tried to pull away.

Because of this unexpected stress, he felt a little relieved when he left school after the final bell rang and saw the same body guards waiting for him outside of the sleek but conspicuous black car parked on the road several feet away from the front gate. One of them opened the door for him while the other kept watch and when he was sitting in the backseat, they followed a minute later, sitting on either side of him. Kyungsoo took a deep breath as the car started.

He was fine. This was fine. This was predictable. Predictable was fine. He'd go home, be greeted by the housekeeper, change into comfortable clothes, work on his homework, maybe work out a little, shower, then relax until his parents would be home for dinner. Just like he did every day during the school year.

Predictable. Fine.

"How was your first day back at school?" his father asked when he was indeed sitting at the dining table Kyungsoo always thought was too big for just three people later that evening.

"It was fine. Pretty normal," he answered, focusing on cutting through a piece of grilled chicken with his knife and fork.

"I heard there's a new student," his dad said from across him.

Kyungsoo stopped cutting and looked up. "Dare I even ask how you know that?"

His dad batted a hand at him at first, as he was in the middle of sipping from his wine glass. "It's our job to know everything, my love," he said after he finished swallowing and set the glass down on the coster to the right of his plate. "Especially when it concerns our son."

Kyungsoo sighed quietly. What a predictable answer.

"If it makes you feel better, we haven't had to follow up on any of the information we have on your peers yet," his father said.

"No, no." His dad shook his head as he lifted the napkin from his lap and wiped his mouth. "It's a just in case thing."

"Just in case what?" Kyungsoo asked with genuine curiosity.

His parents looked at him as if the answer was obvious. "You don't know what they get into once they leave school, who they make alliances with. I can think of several people off the top of my head who would use a child as bait to get to you or us," his dad still explained. "You can never be too safe." He put on that same smile he usually did after he crushed Kyungsoo's hopes of normalcy. The pitiful one that said he understood but couldn't help.

Feeling frustration bubble up, Kyungsoo's jaw clenched. "Well, I wouldn't worry too much if I were you," he said as he went back to cutting through the chicken, this time with more unintentional force and intensity. "You've made sure that no one wants anything to do with me."

He didn't even have to look at their faces to feel the mood in the room shift immediately after the words left his mouth.

His father laid his fork on the edge of his plate and asked very calmly, "Is there something you want to talk about, son? Some grievance you have?"

Kyungsoo's hand squeezed tightly around his knife. He was sure he still had some juvenile, unadulterated love for his parents somewhere inside of him, but he couldn't help but notice when they were being hypocrites. Constantly asking him how he was and insisting he was free to voice his thoughts and feelings didn't exactly match up with what they did with all those words afterward: absolutely fucking nothing.

So what was the point of saying anything?

He lifted his head slightly and shook his head, forcing his expression to soften. "No. I'm just nervous about it being my last year, that's all," he said. Part of being in their positions required an increased insight into people, so Kyungsoo could tell by the quick glances they exchanged that they didn't believe him.

"Well, try not to stress yourself out too much," his dad still said. "And if there's anything we can do to help, tell us." Kyungsoo just nodded wordlessly and looked at his plate for the rest of dinner.

Later that night after he retired to his room, his quiet reading was interrupted by a knock on his door. He furrowed his brow a bit before putting his bookmark in so he could close it and get off his bed. When he opened the door, he saw his dad standing there with a bowl of ice cream.

"Figured a sweet treat would cheer you up," he said with a small but hopeful smile that Kyungsoo didn't dare deliberately wipe off. So he sighed, accepted the bowl, and opened the door wider so he could come in. As he walked in, he left the door cracked and then went over to his desk to set the bowl down and grab the small remote to his stereo that was currently playing some soft lofi music. By the time he turned it down to a faint background hush, his dad had taken a seat on his bed.

"I remember what it was like at your age," he said. He breathed out and crossed one leg over the other before continuing. "It was a strange privilege, to live under a nice roof with all of the money and material things you could dream of while having the most basic, free things restricted and off-limits. It was tough."

"Then why didn't you change it for me?" Kyungsoo asked without thinking.

His dad didn't seem to have a good answer at first, clear guilt written on his expression. "I wanted to," he said eventually. "I had this whole vision of how I'd raise my child to feel less trapped in their home than I did. But the reality of being a parent is different. When I held you for the first time, every idea I had changed and all that mattered was protecting you, this small little human bundled in my arms and looking up at me like I was his entire world. And I didn't know any better way to do that than to keep you close, even when I couldn't be with you." He stopped to sigh again. "I know it probably wasn't the perfect call on our part, but just know that it was never our goal to make you lonely or miserable. We just wanted you to be safe from as much of our baggage as possible."

Kyungsoo was sure his dad didn't mean to feed him excuses. His parents had never made him feel unloved, but there were only so many wounds words could cover up without actions to back them up. He was old enough to notice how good they were at talking.

Still, he didn't know what the pressure of being responsible for someone else felt like, so he did what he always did when they had one of these talks: smiled, nodded, and said, "I understand, dad."

His hesitance seemed to be sensed for a split second before his dad smiled back at him. He then stood up from the bed and walked over to him. "You know I love you, right? We both do, more than anything," he said, hand softly caressing Kyungsoo's cheek. As gentle as the touch was, though, there was an intensity in his eyes that felt like a threat. Not to him, but to someone who wasn't there or something that hadn't yet happened to him.

"I know, dad," he said with a barely noticeable shutter in his voice. "I love you too."

His dad put on a brief smile to soften the moment and left his hand in place as he bent down to kiss the top of his head. Then, without another word, he left his room.

Kyungsoo let go of a breath he didn't remember sucking in. He rubbed his hands across his face and as they fell into his lap afterward, looked at the bowl of melting ice cream on his desk. Not even the sweetest treat in the world could undo his disillusionment now.

>>>>>>

The following school day started like any other. After a quietly tense breakfast with his parents, he was driven to school. The men assigned to him still stood outside of the gate as he walked through the campus's front courtyard. People still stared but were never brave enough to ask questions. He stopped at his locker, went up to his classroom, and sat back in his corner without saying a single word to anyone.

That was until Kai showed up a few minutes after he did. Kyungsoo didn't even notice his arrival until he plopped into the seat in front of him with a impactful thud. He slowly looked up from the book he never found the motivation to continue reading last night, finding that the other boy was already looking back at him.

And of course, he just had to be smiling that stupidly cute smile.

"Do you always read in the morning?" he asked, his eyes flickering between Kyungsoo's face and the open book in his hands.

Kyungsoo knitted his brow slightly. "Sometimes at night too," he replied. Whenever people did talk to him, he used this kind of tone: blunt, sarcastic, disinterested. It usually shooed them off, dispelled any ideas that had about him not being as "unapproachable" as he seemed. But it didn't work on Kai.

"I should probably read more, but honestly, I don't have the time," he said, and Kyungsoo realized he was essentially trying to engage in small talk with him. A classroom full of people who avoided him like the plague, yet here this kid was talking to him like they were already friends.

What was wrong with him?

"I work a lot, long hours too," he continued on, even when Kyungsoo didn't engage back. "So I basically leave here, go to work, maybe get like an hour-long break if I'm lucky, and then I work for the rest of the night basically."

Kyungsoo's eyes narrowed at how unrealistic that sounded. "When do you do your homework?" he asked.

"Oh, in the morning before I come here. Sometimes on the bus too." Kai shrugged and spoke so lightly yet matter-of-factly about the fact that he was basically an adult stuck in a kid's body. "There are occasions when I get to do it on my break, but I reserve that for really desperate times since I only get the one and don't want to spend it doing homework of all things. But I figure it'll all work out eventually. I probably won't go to college after this year anyway."

"Then what are you gonna do?"

"A trade school, maybe. Something practical and cheaper." Kai turned his seat, his body now facing Kyungsoo more. "I'm not one of these people who needs a fancy degree they paid an arm and a leg for to feel content, you know? I like practical, straightforward things. A decent job where I make enough to not have worry about having too little or too much money. That's all I want really."

How they had gone from reading to talking about the future so seamlessly, Kyungsoo didn't know. Something about it felt natural though, and as confusing as it was, he didn't mind it.

Kai looked at him, eyes searching his face insightfully. "You'll probably go to college, right? You seem like the type," he said.

Kyungsoo didn't know what that was supposed to mean, but he ignored that part and replied, "If my parents let me."

Kai raised an eyebrow. "Isn't college like a bare minimum requirement of being someone's child?"

"Maybe for other people, but not me."

"And what makes you different from other people, Do Kyungsoo?"

The fact that my parents are high-profile mafia bosses, is what he thought to himself upon hearing the question. Of course, he didn't say that. It wouldn't be safe for him to know that, not if what his parents said about having files on all of his peers was true.

"My parents are little protective," he said instead.

"More so than the average parents?"

"Exponentially more."

Kai watched him for a moment before a smirk slowly pulled on the corner of his mouth. "Fair enough," he said as his body relaxed a bit. "What's that saying? Assuming makes an ass out of you and me? I guess it's on me for assuming then."

The faintest of smiles curled onto Kyungsoo's mouth, but it vanished just as quickly as it appeared. He got the feeling even that wasn't quick enough to hide it from Kai, though.

>>>>>>

He and Kai didn't really talk much for the rest of the day besides the few times they had to do partner work during class and the handful of occasions he turned around to ask him a clarification question. But even those small interactions made Kyungsoo feel more human. Maybe they'd never go past the school acquaintances level, but at least there was someone in this place who wasn't afraid to approach him anymore. He could live with that.

School didn't end up being the only place he ran into him that day, though.

When he got home, his first surprise was that both of his parents' cars were parked outside. So, instead of starting his own personal post-school routine, he went to where he figured they'd most likely be if they were home at this hour: in their joint office. The room was one of the biggest in the house, originally meant to be the main suite as indicated by the en suite bathroom off of it. But they had made the mutual, executive decision at some point before Kyungsoo was born to turn that into their work space and knock out the bathroom and make it a closet that definitely wasn't just a closet. He asked one time what was really in there, but the only answer he got was, "We'll tell you when you're ready."

They were indeed in there, but when he knocked and then opened the door, he got his second surprise: a figure with a very familiar back sitting in one of the two chairs in front of his father's desk.

Kyungsoo's brow furrowed deeply and his heart began to slam against his chest. "What the fuck is going on here?" he asked before he could censor himself. The worst ideas ran through his mind, including them creating a new file on Kai and then having someone drag him here with a bag over his head so they could beat the details of his life out of him for simply making an effort to talk to him today. But when Kai turned around, not only did his face look completely untouched, his entire demeanor read as relaxed and calm. He didn't even seem surprised to find Kyungsoo here.

"We were in the middle of an interview," his dad answered a little too casually for Kyungsoo's liking.

"An interview for what?" he asked, his hand still tightly gripping the door handle. "Why do you need to employ an 18-year-old?"

His dad chuckled and switched which leg was crossed as he remained seated. "He's 19 actually, and he just so happens to be our gardener's nephew. The man is getting up there in years, so when he told us this one would be moving in with him, we figured he could help him out."

His parents were nice when they wanted to be, but what they definitely weren't was altruistic. There was something else going on here. There had to be.

Kyungsoo looked to Kai for answers, but he just smiled. "I recognized you the first day, but I didn't want to startle you with the news right away," he said. "I hope this doesn't make things awkward. I still want to be friends if you're into that."

If he was into that? Into what? Being friends with someone who was coincidentally related to their gardener and now working for his parents? He didn't need to sniff that much to smell the fishiness in the air.

He looked back at his parents. "Why are you doing this really? What's your aim?"

They both continued to feign ignorance. "What aim, darling? I told you, we're just trying to help out someone who has been loyal to our family for many years," his dad said.

That was when Kyungsoo shifted his focus to his father, who despite being on the more quiet side was suspiciously agreeable right now. "What is really going on?" he asked, a hint of pleading in his voice. He didn't like being toyed with, not even for the sake of his own protection.

For a split second, there was a flash of something in his eyes as he sighed. But whatever it was, he pushed it down and just echoed the man beside him. "There's nothing more to it than that, Kyungsoo. If continuing to interrogate us would make you feel better, you can do it after we're finished here."

For the first time in a while, Kyungsoo felt frustrated tears start to enter his eyes. "Fine," he said stiffly. "Sorry for interrupting your interview." Then, without sparing any of them another look, he turned around and slammed the door shut.

He ignored the troubled looks from the in-house staff as he stalked angrily off to his room, loudly closing that door behind him too. And even though he really wanted to cry, he didn't. He just tried to breathe through the emotions and will the sting in his eyes away. Once he felt somewhat calmed down, he plopped himself in front of the door.

What made him different from other people? This. The fact that any person who entered his life would always be connected to or chased off by his parents. The fact that he'd never have anyone who was interested in him for who he was outside of the last name he didn't ask for. The fact that he'd always be alone.

>>>>>>

Kyungsoo didn't leave his room for the rest of that day. He didn't answer the many knocks or voices on the other side of his door. He even waited until he was sure his parents had gone to bed to sneak out into the kitchen to eat what was left over from dinner alone and practically in the dark. A very fitting metaphor in his opinion.

The following morning, instead of joining the two men seated at the table being served breakfast, he diverged into the kitchen and grabbed an orange and a granola bar.

"Honey, you can't just eat that for breakfast," his dad said to him as he stuffed the extra food in his lunch bag. "I know you're upset, but please come and eat a proper meal."

Kyungsoo didn't respond. He just zipped the bag back up and walked toward the front door, where his bodyguards were waiting. "We're leaving early," he said flatly to them as he headed outside toward the car. He could tell they didn't follow right away, likely looking to his parents for the final instruction. A few moments later, though, he heard their footsteps behind him.

At school, he was surprised to find Kai already in his seat when he walked in the room. He sat up when he saw Kyungsoo, mouth parting the closer he got to him. "H-Hey, I—"

Kyungsoo promptly ignored him too. He sat down and went about his regular routine of preparing his materials for the first class, feeling Kai's eyes burning into him the entire time. But he held strong until he seemingly gave up and turned around in his seat. A little piece of Kyungsoo's hardening heart ached when he did. He didn't know why though. It wasn't like they were already friends, and this wasn't the first time he was disappointed by ruined potential.

Despite his cloudy mood, the weather was nice enough that some students opted to sit outside in the courtyard for lunch that day. Kyungsoo, who normally would have stayed in and watched from his little island, decided to be one of them. It wasn't more than a few bites in that someone sat across from him. He knew right away who it was.

"You're upset," Kai said.

"What gave you that idea?" he replied without making eye contact.

A brief silence passed before he heard a docile, "I'm sorry."

Without thinking to stop it, Kyungsoo's head shot up. "Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault my parents decided to play puppet master again."

"Then why is this the first time you've looked at me today?" Kai's question was an unnecessary jab to the heart that made Kyungsoo swallow the lump in his throat and look down again.

"It's better this way," he said, though his voice was weak and unconvincing.

"Why? Can we really not be friends just because I happen to work for your parents?"

Kyungsoo's eyes briefly shut as he sighed. "No because that doesn't count," he said, speaking honestly. Kai seemed to be able to tell because of the way his shoulder sank a bit despite the neutral expression he wore. "I can't have friends as long as I'm their son, not real ones. They're all either using me to get my parents for some reason or another or too afraid to be seen with me, let alone approach me first. So, no, the fact that you're the one exception to those conditions doesn't help. It actually makes it worse."

Kai didn't say anything back for a long minute, just silently observing every minuscule move on Kyungsoo's face. "Well, I think that's bullshit," he said after he broke out of his apparent trance. "I think we should be able to be friends regardless, especially here at school."

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes. "Why are you so insistent?" he asked. "We've talked like two times, including now. You have no stake in my life and I have no stake in yours. Why do you care so much about being my friend?"

"Because I can tell you're lonely and honestly...so am I," he said, his honesty catching Kyungsoo off guard. "There aren't many people here our age that would understand why I can't hang out on the weekend or at night after school. But you, you get it. Both of our lives have conditions, and so why not be friends? It's better than hoping for something else that'll never happen." Kai shifted at the table and was that a faint sense of bashfulness he was picking up on? "Besides...I like you. Couldn't tell you why, I just do."

Everything in his gut was telling Kyungsoo to be suspicious. The nephew of a man who as far as he knew had no family shows up and his parents are more than happy to extend their generosity and hire him? Weird, but strangers things have happened. But that same person insisting that his parents didn't have to influence them and straight up saying he liked him without knowing a single thing about him? That was a fucking anomaly.

But then again, maybe an anomaly was exactly what Kyungsoo needed. Someone who was out of his place in the monotony that was his life. Someone who wasn't afraid to swim to his little island and keep him company.

Kyungsoo's demeanor softened and his body sank down a little. "I still don't know what your deal is," he said after another minute or so. He locked eyes with Kai, searching for any trace of dishonesty or impending betrayal in them. But they were steady and unwavering and warm and inviting all at the same time. "But whatever. If you're gonna be so annoying about it."

Kai cracked a smile that warmed Kyungsoo's cheeks so quickly and intensely that he had to look back down at his lunch for some reprieve. "I'll crack you yet, Do Kyungsoo," he said smugly and with a hint of excitement underneath. "Just you wait."

Kyungsoo instinctively rolled his eyes but couldn't help but grin a little himself. Kai drank it in before sighing in relief and then laying himself down on the other bench. Kyungsoo couldn't fully see him like that, but it did give him a great opportunity to watch him under some cover. The longer he stared, the stranger he realized Kai was for wanting this.

Perhaps that was what he had been missing all this time, though.

After arriving home later that day in a slightly better mood, Kyungsoo decided to be the bigger person and eat dinner with his parents. Talking with Kai didn't eliminate the root of the problem by any means, but it gave him hope that the new perspective would offer a slightly healthier coping mechanism than deliberately isolating. Both of them seemed nervously surprised when he joined them, eyes moving to each other and then back to their son as he quietly tucked himself into the table. His food was brought over to him moments after and he smiled faintly as he thanked the person who handed it to him.

"Are we to take this as acceptance?" his father asked as Kyungsoo was laying a napkin across his lap.

"Acceptance of what?" he asked back in reply.

"Our apology. An acknowledgement that we may have overstepped...again," he clarified.

Kyungsoo chuckled with slight bitterness. "No because you didn't apologize, nor did you acknowledge anything," he said, feeling a new confidence flow through him as he looked at them both from his spot at the table. "However, I'm willing to look past this additional transgression for the time being. I'm sure your hearts were in the right place by keeping certain details of Kai's arrival from me. I think it's best we keep it at that, though, don't you?"

Stunned into total silence for what felt like forever, both his dad and father could only stare at him in shook. At first, Kyungsoo took this to be a bad reaction, the kind that would lead to consequences he didn't even want to imagine. But, much to his surprise, his dad smirked after a while and even laughed.

"Spoken like a true businessman," he said as he pulled his napkin from the table and laid it out on his lap. "I wonder where he gets that from."

He was eyeing the man at the head of the table, who was still silently gawking at his son. Eventually, he did snap out of it. "R-Right," he said with a clearing of his throat and quick but big sip from his wine glass. "Let's eat then."

Kyungsoo smiled, basking in his moment of victory no matter how temporary it'd be.

>>>>>>

Things fell into place pretty quickly after that. He saw Kai not only every day at school, but every afternoon at home too. At first, he didn't want to interrupt his work in the yard, especially during his first week or two as he learned the ropes, but after he started to settle in, he'd come out and spend his one-hour breaks with him. Sometimes, he'd bring him some leftover dessert and they'd sit outside and talk about everything and nothing until he had to get back to work. Others, when it was a little too hot and he clearly needed a reprieve, Kyungsoo invited him in and they'd spend that hour working on school stuff. It felt even better the mornings after, going to school and having someone for his eyes to look for. And being greeted by Kai's infectious smile was always the best gratification.

As someone who had very few friends before that, Kyungsoo wasn't sure if it was normal or okay to grow so close to someone so fast. It kind of felt like being a kid again and eating his favorite food too fast. On the one hand, it made him giddy with excitement to finally have it. But on the other, it made him weary of what he'd do when it was all gone. Still, he tried not to focus on the shelf life of their friendship and chose to cherish its small moments. Even if things were bound to end, he at least wanted to have happy memories to hold onto after.

"I think Kai should ride home from school with me," he announced to his parents one evening as they all sat in the living room after dinner.

His father was reading some home design magazine and his dad was knitting something that would either become a scarf or a very long rug. They both stopped what their respective activities at the question and lifted their eyes to him. "You do now?" his dad said first.

Kyungsoo nodded and hummed, letting some more ice cream melt on his tongue. "It only makes sense. We're already together for pretty much the whole day, so what's the point in getting to the same place separately?" Even though he went in for another spoonful, he noticed his parents' eyes flicker toward each other for a moment in something that certainly felt like hesitation. So he added after he finished swallowing that bite, "And I mean, you're already being so altruistic by giving him this job. Why not continue spreading the generosity? Who knows? It might give you even better karma."

The person he was before Kai would have never even dared to think about emotionally manipulating his parents. They might have saved the most extreme versions of their personalities for their enemies, but they didn't usually need to do more than change their expressions for him to know when he was about to cross a line; such was the nature of mafia bosses after all. But what Kai said about trying to make the best of their conditioned lives had stuck with him, emboldened him even.

A minute or so later, after some wordless discussion had within looks, his parents addressed him. "Alright. If you think it'd make things easier, why not?" his dad said with a tight smile.

Kyungsoo had a moment when he wondered how far this period of leniency from them would last, but he quickly shook the thought out of his head. Don't wait for things to go back to how they were. Just enjoy how they are. He repeated Kai's words in his head and managed a smile of his own.

"Great, thanks," he said. He then dipped his spoon back into the cold bowl in his hand and put another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

Sure enough, they kept their promise and Kai got into the car with him the following afternoon after school ended. He looked around the interior in a curious awe for a few moments before grinning and slumping against the black leather seat. "I've always wondered what it looked like in one these fancy cars," he said.

Kyungsoo smiled as he dropped his backpack onto the floor between his feet. "Does it live up to your expectations?" he asked in reply.

Kai gave the space one more look-over. Then he shrugged. "It's kind of boring to be honest. I was expecting at least like a mini-fridge or one of those cabinets packed with all the best snacks."

Kyungsoo laughed at that. "I think you're thinking of one of those party limos you can rent. Our uses for cars like this are very practical."

"Evidently," Kai said, getting another small laugh from the boy beside him. The two men that sat across from them seemed perplexed by the brief interaction, which honestly made Kyungsoo want to laugh even more. Kai commenting on it right then didn't help either. "Are they always so serious?"

It was clear he was trying to be discrete by leaning in closer and whispering, but that was a little difficult in such close quarters. Still, Kyungsoo followed his move and leaned toward him. "It's kind of their job to be," he said. "Being bodyguards and all."

"Ahhh...right." Kai nodded, and his eyes moved to the two big, stoic-looking men staring back at him. He cleared his throat and smiled at them before saying, "You're doing a great job, you know, in case no one has told you today."

Kyungsoo covered his mouth fast enough to muffle the laugh that came out. "Stop," he mumbled to Kai as he hit his arm.

"What?" Kai shrugged innocently. "Everyone needs to be told they're doing well every now and then." Kyungsoo laughed again, this time shaking his head. "Don't laugh. I'm being totally serious." Kai's expression too straight, and more laughter bubbled up through Kyungsoo's chest, but he managed to push it down for the most part.

What he didn't see during the brief moment afterward as he glanced out of the window was the affectionate smile that bloomed across Kai's face—aimed right at him.

>>>>>>

"Do you ever listen to music with actual words?"

Kai was roaming around his room during his break that weekend, inspecting everything in it and about it as if he was one of those stuffy museum-goers who blocked walkways because they were too busy trying to find the deeper meaning in something.

"Not when I'm studying," Kyungsoo answered from his bed. "I can't focus when too many words are coming at me at once."

"That's weird, I can."

"Well, then you're weird to me."

Kai glanced over at the other boy and grinned. "Thanks," he said. Kyungsoo felt his face turn warm, but that was such a common occurrence at this point that he didn't think much of it.

Eventually, Kai finished his lap around the room and took a seat at his desk chair. Kyungsoo felt a little disappointed, having left some extra space next to him on the bed on purpose. "Do you like it?" he asked, pushing past that feeling. Kai hummed curiously at him as their eyes met. "The job, I mean."

"Oh that. Yeah," Kai answered with a nonchalant shrug. "It's work. It gets me out of my uncle's place for a while. Keeps me pretty fit too." Kai playfully flexed the muscles in his arms, but that made Kyungsoo swallow and force his eyes not to go too far past the boy's chest. He didn't find any relief in his face either when they went back up, seeing that fucking smile being flashed right at him as he dropped his arms onto the chair's arm rests. "And I get to see you. So it's pretty good, I guess."

Kyungsoo face burned red. "I hate when you do that," he mumbled as he looked down at his workbook.

"Do what?" He could hear the grin on Kai's face.

"Tease me like that because you know I'll react."

"I'm not teasing you. I'm being sincere."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "Yeah sure." There was a gap in the conversation after that, but he lifted his head just in time to find that Kai had scooted the chair closer to the bed and was leaning forward. This left very little space between their faces, a realization that made his heart nearly stop in his chest.

"Do you really still think I'm being paid to be your friend?" Kai asked him.

Kyungsoo shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past my parents to do something like that," he retorted.

Chuckling airily, Kai said, "Even if they had offered that, I wouldn't have accepted."

Their eyes flickered to each other's lips at the same time, but only for a fleeting second before trying to find somewhere else to look.

"Not even if it meant you never had to work another day in your life?" Kyungsoo said, his voice coming out weak and a little dazed.

The smile from his laugh remained on Kai's face, though it softened slightly. "I'd rather be a ghost and work at my own funeral," he replied, and Kyungsoo let out a gentle laugh. Then, he felt Kai's hand land on his neck and before he could register how that made him feel, he was being pulled forward a little and kissed. On the lips. By Kai.

Had he always wanted to kiss him?

He tried not to ponder on that too long and instead let his surprised eyes fall shut so he could enjoy the fact that at last, at 18 fucking years old, someone finally wanted to kiss him. And was too. Someone who had apparently wanted to kiss him was kissing him.

The fact that it was Kai was like sprinkles in a bowl of already delicious ice cream.

In hindsight, they probably started to get too lost in the kiss when Kai rose from the chair and started moving them further back on the bed. But Kyungsoo didn't really care and he certainly didn't want to stop. So he let himself sink into his bed as Kai hovered over him, keeping their lips moving against each other hungrily yet steadily. His hand had settled nicely onto his neck, his fingers just tickling the base of his skull where his hair started. When things started to feel too hot and suffocating, Kyungsoo gently pushed against his chest. Kai got the message right away and broke the kiss.

"Sorry," he immediately said, his own cheeks sporting a blush. "Been thinking about doing that for a while. Got a little carried away."

"N-No, it's okay," Kyungsoo replied, face hot and flushed red. "I've just never kissed anyone, let alone made out like that. It's good, but i-it's a lot."

The nervous tension leaving his face, Kai smiled and wordlessly laid down beside Kyungsoo. They both twisted onto their sides, bodies still impossibly close as Kai ran a hand through Kyungsoo's soft hair. And they just stayed like that for a long time, probably too long, staring at each other and wondering what strange anomaly brought them together. Well, Kyungsoo didn't know if Kai was wondering about that, but he was. He had dreamed of things like this before, but with the understanding that they'd likely never happen to him, at least not when he wanted them to. But maybe dreams did come true sometimes.

As cheesy as it was to admit.

It was him who leaned in and connected their lips the second time. He decided he liked the feeling of his lips too much to not have it when they were so close. He felt the other boy smile into the kiss upon contact, and it was then that Kyungsoo knew his heart was completely gone. Yes, Kai probably had to get back to work soon, and yes, he was a little dirty from working outside, but he was here. With him, on his bed, kissing him back like he was trying to tell him the feelings he felt were mutual.

A dream come true.

>>>>>>

Naturally, reality just had to sink in and ruin the bliss of having his first boyfriend. Reality, in this case, being the logistics of being born into a family that deals primarily in the shadows of crime. Things had to be kept close, information and people especially. Every employee was not only extensively background checked before being hired, but they were then followed for the week leading up to their start date. And if they were fired at any point—well, let's just say there would be no need for them to find another job. Kyungsoo wasn't sure if Kai had gone through the same process before or after his "interview," but he did know he had to be on guard around his parents if he wanted to keep him from being interrogated as "the boyfriend." He had nothing to go on because it had never happened before, but he didn't need to imagine how much worse that interview would be.

So, they necessarily kept things a secret. They still acted as friends so as to not throw off their scent too much, but any kind of intimacy was saved for when he was sure his parents weren't home or during the few moments they could steal away during school hours. Of course, that didn't stop them from wanting to take the risk though. On the occasions that Kai was working out in the back part of the yard closer to where Kyungsoo's room was, Kyungsoo would purposefully leave the window open so he could sneak in or kiss him through it at the very least. They'd sneakily hold hands on the ride home by placing their backpacks right in between them. Sometimes, they would even steal some kisses in between the tall, manicured shrubs if they were feeling particularly desperate.

The weekends were a bit easier to coordinate. His parents took care of their more pressing business on the weekends for a reason Kyungsoo assumed they'd tell him he was too young to understand, so they often times, they were gone most of the day and not home until late. Only a few weeks ago, that meant Kyungsoo would order take out and watch a movie by himself in the living room. But now, it meant that he could invite his boyfriend over.

The thought sent shivers down his spine every time it entered his mind.

There were still people who patrolled the property even in the later hours of the night, so sneaking him in required a bit of trickery. Kai left on his bike through the front gates like normal after his shift ended, but unbeknownst to the many eyes looking around, followed Kyungsoo's instructions to ride to the back of the house instead. They didn't keep anyone stationed back there regularly at Kyungsoo's request—he didn't sleep very well at night knowing a bunch of men with guns were posted up right outside his window—but they instead did laps every 10 minutes or so. In between one of those intervals, Kyungsoo went on standby at his window as Kai parked his bike a few blocks away and then climbed the fence. Adrenaline, made of a mix of fear and excitement, rushed through his body as the other stealthily made his way closer, expertly sliding through the shadows like he had done something like this before.

This calmed Kyungsoo slightly because he had sure as hell never done anything like this. Something so rebellious and dangerous. He had never given his parents a reason to not trust him until now, which was as thrilling as it was terrifying. All of the ways this could have gone wrong raced through his head—Kai getting caught and fired or, worse, just getting shot on the spot because it was dark and any one of those guards outside would immediately see him as a threat without giving him a second glance.

But the moment he registered a knock on the glass and saw said boy smiling and waving at him rather victoriously, all of that faded.

"Hurry," Kyungsoo whispered after he opened the window and ushered him inside. Once Kai's somewhat dirty boots were planted safely on the floor of his bedroom, he quickly shut the window and slid his black-out curtains over it. Behind him stood Kai, slightly winded but smiling just as excellently as he always did. A blush spread across Kyungsoo's face instantly. "You're here..."

"I'm here," Kai repeated. Kyungsoo felt a little crazy to think he saw a fleck of nervousness in his otherwise calm expression.

Him making Kai nervous? That wasn't something he could have ever imagined.

He shuffled in place. "I—what next? This is all new to me."

"Whatever you want. You're the one who came up with this plan," Kai said with a grin.

"R-Right..." Kyungsoo looked down and tried to think of literally anything cooler to say than what had come out of his mouth. After a minute of searching and finding fuck all, he heard Kai chuckle and lifted his head.

"It's okay," he said as he started to approach. He stopped in front of him, and Kyungsoo immediately exhaled as he felt his both of his hands land on his neck. "We don't have to do anything you don't want. We can literally sit here in silence for the rest of the night, I don't care." Kai moved his hand up to cup on side of his face, thumb rubbing the soft skin on his cheek as his eyes flickered all over his face. "But if you're sure you still want this, I can take the lead."

Kyungsoo nodded, a little dumbly and somewhat dazed, as something wet threatened to prickle his eyes. "I-I think that'd be better."

Kai smiled and made his grip on his face just a little firmer as he leaned into kiss him. "It's okay to be nervous," he said after they parted, their foreheads touching.

"Is it that obvious?" Kyungsoo replied, which got a rather hearty chuckle from the other boy. His tongue swiped over his lips as he tried to meet Kai's eyes. "We can go slow, right? It won't bother you?"

Kai just kissed him again. "I'm here for you," he said. Kyungsoo's heart swooned in his chest.

Was this what falling in love felt like?

Their lips met again, slow and soft but still making Kyungsoo's head spin a little even though it was him who initiated it. Kai's hands stayed in a comfortable place on either side of his neck while Kyungsoo's fell to his waist, fingers tightly gripping the sides of his shirt. They kissed for some amount of time; Kyungsoo wasn't counting on purpose. If he did that, then he'd starting thinking about time and when they might have to stop before they got caught and he didn't want to think about that. He just wanted to soak in each moment as it happened without worrying about what was going on outside of the little bubble they had created around them for once.

They hadn't really talked about how far they would go, but Kyungsoo figured it'd be pretty far when Kai ended the kiss and pulled his dark navy blue t-shirt over his head. He swallowed at the sight of his half-naked boyfriend, throat tightening and gut coiling. His boyfriend. His boyfriend he was about to be very intimate with for the first time. He still didn't quite believe it. Even as Kai smiled and softly encouraged him to remove his shirt too by pushing his hands underneath it, Kyungsoo wondered if he was just dreaming again.

If he was, it was by far the best dream he'd ever had.

He was surprised to learn how quickly he got used to touching his skin. He started by silently yet intently dragging his fingertips down his chest, which soon led to him pressing his hand flat against him, right where he could feel his heart hammering. He looked at Kai and saw the nervous blush on his face clearly for the first time. It was a strange look to see on the face of someone who he perceived to be so confident and relaxed about nearly everything. But it also gave him so much more adoration for Kai than he already had, especially as he didn't shy away and laid his hand over top of Kyungsoo's.

"I really like you," Kyungsoo said out loud. He didn't mean to and began stammering once he realized he had.

But Kai stopped him with another kiss. "I really like you too," he replied without any trace of hesitation. Kyungsoo could only smile in response, feeling relieved and emotional and scared all at once.

He was surely falling in love.

Maybe it was that impromptu confession, but having sex for the first time didn't end up being nearly as terrifying as Kyungsoo made it out to be. The physical part was a little nerve-wrecking, but Kai was all the right kinds of gentle and slow and took his mind off the things that were trying to scare him out of it. It felt a bit cliche to think about how perfect it was. Even with his lack of experience, he knew movies and books and shows glorified losing your virginity, especially as a teenager. No one knew what they were doing at that age. It was all just acting on hormonal instincts and ideas they got from the media and porn.

Kyungsoo wondered if that made him one of the lucky ones, the small few who could say their first time was truly romantic and perfect. The kind of story that all of those media cliches were based on.

Even laying there with him in the aftermath felt like something out of a fantasy. His body was gradually beginning to feel the after effects, but it didn't bother Kyungsoo with the way Kai had pulled him in close to his side and was tenderly running his fingers up and down his back along his spine. Nothing bothered him like that. All he cared about in this moment was how it felt to be entangled with someone and to be close enough to feel someone's heartbeat, reminding him that this was real and happening to him of all people.

His life was turning into one huge anomaly—and he didn't mind one bit.

>>>>>>

"My parents are gonna be gone again this Saturday if you want to come over. I don't think you'll be able to spend the night like last time, though. My grandparents are visiting Sunday."

"Oh, uh, that's fine. I don't think I'll be able to come over anyway."

Kyungsoo looked up from organizing his stuff for their next class. He wanted to ask why, but with the dark circles becoming more and more present under his boyfriend's eyes these days, he knew why. "Should I tell my parents to give you a raise so you don't have to do the graveyard shift at the convenience store?" he said instead, smiling a little as he spoke.

Kai chuckled. "I'm okay," he said despite the big yawn he let out right after. "It's not so bad. Sometimes, I can even fit in a little power nap because it gets so dead in there. It's a little awkward to wake up to someone standing there staring at me, but it's worth it in hindsight."

Kyungsoo laughed quietly while most of his focus was locked in on Kai's expression. His eyes kept going back to the exhaustion around his eyes, the ones that kept blinking to try and keep from shutting for too long. "You know," he said after a moment, "if it's too much, you don't have to make time for me. Not on the weekends anyway."

Kai's attention snapped over to him. "What are you talking about? I like coming over on the weekends."

"I know, but I can see how tired you are all the time." The other boy's shoulders sank at that and he briefly glanced down at the floor. "I'd rather only see you here than know I'm contributing to your lack of sleep."

"You're not. Not at all," Kai immediately responded, locking eyes with him again. "And I've always been this tired. Literally for as long as I can remember. It's just how I am." Kyungsoo didn't buy it, and his face must have showed that because Kai put on a smile for him and touched the hand he had on his desk. "I'm okay, Soo, seriously. Getting to be with you is the highlight of my entire week, and I'm genuinely annoyed that I won't be able to this weekend. If I could drop this shift and spend my time with you instead, I would."

Kyungsoo blushed and let his eyes fall for a second. "Okay, I believe you," he said. "Just...you'll tell me when you need a break though, right? You won't force yourself?"

Kai widened his smile. "Cross my heart and hope to die," he said, actually drawing an invisible cross over his heart as he spoke.

"Don't hope too hard," Kyungsoo said with a small laugh. "You work for my parents remember? Death is always more imminent than it seems in our family."

"Shit, you're right," Kai said, face turning contemplative for a moment. "I guess I'll just stick with the crossing my heart thing then." Kyungsoo laughed again, and whatever else would have come of their conversation was cut off by the next teacher to enter their classroom.

Back home that afternoon, Kyungsoo and Kai parted ways after exiting the car. He tried not to let his eyes linger on the other boy for too long as he walked off toward where his uncle was already trimming some of the hedges. But his parents were home early today, so he let himself have the moment. He figured it'd be his last chance to steal a glance at him until Monday rolled back around.

Despite the normal weekend that was about to commence, Kyungsoo was in a good enough mood to stop in and say hi to his parents before he started his post-school routine. He could hear their distant voices coming from their bedroom and was just about to knock on the door when he overheard part of the conversation they were in the middle of.

"Are we just hurting him more by doing this?" his dad's voice said. "I know we hoped they'd become friends, but seeing how close they've gotten lately, I'm beginning to wonder if we've overstepped again."

Kyungsoo's breath caught and his brow immediately furrowed. They were probably talking about work, some information-finding mission they had sent people on that required some infiltration.

They weren't talking about him and Kai surely.

He heard his father's voice next. "Maybe, but what does it matter now, hon? What's done is done, and we can't go back and make different choices. I think meddling anymore will only make things worse. I say just let it be. At least he has someone his own age to be close to. That's what we wanted in the first place, isn't it?"

His heart stopped for a split second and then picked up again, hammering in chest—and not in a good way.

"Yeah, but wouldn't it have been better if they had met organically and not because we hired him to clean up our messes? We placed him on the board like our son is a nothing more than a pawn and I can't—that's what my parents did to me, and I hate seeing myself do the same thing to him. He was already so upset when we told him the gardener story. If he found out the truth..."

Then, it promptly sank. Right into the pit of his stomach.

"Come here." He heard some shuffling and the most barely audibly heavy sigh from the room. "We're doing the best we can with the examples we had. And I, for one, think he's turned out pretty great so far."

"He has, but he's so lonely and I see it every time I look at him. I hate to think we did that to him."

There was another pause before his father's voice came through again. "If it's haunting you this much, we can tell him. He'll be upset, but at least he won't have to find out some other way."

"No, no, we can't. You've seen how happy he's been, how he looked at that boy just right now I don't want to take that away from him." Another pause. "I just don't know what to do anymore, what's right or what's wrong. I mean, I want him to be safe, but not at the price of his happiness."

Anything that was said after that was muffled by not only the door but also the loud ringing sound that was filling Kyungsoo's mind. He was having trouble breathing and slowing his heart down. He had never experienced a panic attack before, but he imagined this was what one felt like. The overwhelming sense that everything was crashing down on him at once and at the same time that the floor beneath his feet was crumbling and giving out.

He might have been young, but he was observant in his silence. He knew what "cleaning up messes" meant. But why was Kai doing that? Surely there were more appropriate people to do such work. Like people who weren't still in high school, for example. Or people who weren't secretly dating your son.

But it made sense. The late nights. The ever-persisting exhaustion in his eyes. The reason he couldn't come over this weekend. Hell, it even why he was so muscular for someone his age. It all made perfect fucking sense.

Miraculously, Kyungsoo managed to get back to his room without being heard by his parents. He shut and locked the door behind him, feeling the sting of tears getting sharper. Before he even thought about letting them go, though, he glanced out of the window and saw Kai out back with the man who he claimed was his uncle. He seemed to be walking him through the right way to trim the taller shrubs in the backyard, with the older of them up on a small step ladder while Kai stood beside him and watched with his head tilted up.

It only took a few moments of seeing him for a sob to sneak out of Kyungsoo's mouth. He shoved the next one back in and clamored over to the window. He grabbed the left side of his curtains and pulled them shut and just as he was doing the same to the right side, Kai turned around and began to lift his hand.

Kyungsoo finished closing them before he could see him wave or smile.

Then he fell into a confused, hurt mess on the floor. Had it all been a lie then? All of the time he made for him in his busy schedule? Was all of that because he felt obligated? Had he really lied when he said he wouldn't have needed his parents' influence to talk to him that first day? Had every single time he looked at him and said he liked him been a lie?

Had it all been part of some stupid fucking plan orchestrated by his parents?

Kyungsoo didn't want to believe that. He wanted to believe Kai. But with his parents words still swirling around in his head and all the dots that were beginning to connect a little too conveniently, how could he? How could he let himself continue to believe that there was someone out there who liked him as he was when he had heard every single thing that opposed that? His parents may not have been paying Kai to be his friend, but he had to face the facts. His dad and father were mafia bosses. It was their job to be intimidating without having to yell. And Kai was only a year older than him. A 19-year-old who was clearly desperate enough to take a job cleaning up crime scenes made by his parents and their associates. Of course, he'd cower and fold when they suggested he befriend their son. And maybe something changed along the way and what started out as a fearful obligation became genuine. But what did it matter now? Kyungsoo would never be able to keep this not-so-secret affair going knowing how it started for Kai.

It broke his heart to even think about ending things. It was probably better if he did, though. Because if this whole situation had taught him anything, it was that he truly was a lost cause. As long as he beared his family's name, no one would ever want him. So maybe it would be better to nip this in the bud and have the privilege of looking back on somebody who was nice enough to pretend to want him.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes at the thought, and another group of tears trickled down his cheeks.

>>>>>>

Getting through dinner that night was rough. Honestly, getting through the rest of that horrible weekend was too. He tried to put on a brave face for his grandparents, answering their questions about school and his life to the best of his ability. But any room he was in with them and especially his parents felt suffocating, like there was something stuck around his neck that gradually tightened the more he tried to breathe. He didn't want to be the first to say something and not just because they had company. He wanted his parents to do the right thing for once and tell him what they had done. He wanted them to admit that they had once again played with him like he was a doll. He wanted to hear them use his safety and protection as an excuse again.

But they never did. It seemed obvious to him that they were picking up on something that was off, but they never addressed it. They never asked about it. Not even after his grandparents left and the house was theirs again. And that honestly pissed Kyungsoo off more than the situation at large. They could talk in private all they wanted about how bad they felt for overstepping and how they didn't want to repeat their parents' mistakes, but as long as they chose the path of least resistance, their feelings and words would never matter to him.

By the time Monday rolled around, Kyungsoo couldn't find much motivation, not even to get out of bed. The main housekeeper had come into check on him when he wasn't up and moving by his usual time, but he just told him he wasn't feeling well and would probably stay home from school today. The lie came out quicker and more easily than he anticipated, which was a bit of a shock at first. But that feeling faded just as fast. What was one more lie to clog up the already tense air in the house?

His parents had apparently left earlier that morning, so with no more people to get in his way, Kyungsoo threw on some of his most comfortable clothes and snuck out of his window and through the backyard. Then he walked. With no concrete destination in mind, only that it had to be as far away from that house as possible. He had never ditched school before, nor had he ever just left without at least one person knowing where he was going. It was terrifying honestly. But he could feel deep inside him that he needed this. He needed to find some solace from the strings attached to him, at least for a day.

Somehow after what felt like hours, he ended up by a lake he never knew existed. They lived in suburban the outskirts of the city, far enough away from where the heat of his parents' work took place but close enough to be able to get there quickly when things went particularly sideways. Most of the land around here had been bought out and turned into housing developments and shopping complexes over the years, so it was oddly nostalgic to see a piece of land still untouched despite being surrounded by so many man-made intrusions.

It seemed like the perfect place to contemplate how the fuck his life ended up this way.

So he parked himself there for most of the morning and afternoon, just staring out at the water and going between thinking about everything and thinking about nothing. He thought about how likely it was that his parents had sent out multiple search parties for him and how many notifications had piled up on his phone. He thought about Kai showing up to school and him not being there, wondering if it would immediately worry him the way something like that would worry Kyungsoo.

But then he'd think about how none of that really mattered. If he was bound to end up alone with only people he paid as his company, what did it matter if people worried about him? It wasn't like any of the guys out searching for him would be doing it because they cared about his well-being. It would be because they didn't want to get their lives cut short by his parents for not doing their jobs. The same applied to Kai. If his parents expected part of his job to be making friends with their pitiful, lonely son, then him being gone was probably a relief.

One less dead body to clean up.

He felt a little less dramatic about everything eventually. His life had always been this way, so there really wasn't a point in being surprised that that pattern was continuing. He really just had to learn to live with it. Besides, now that he was freed from most of the immediate surface-level emotions, he was finally feeling the effects of not eating anything. It was probably time to go back, if not to face the music than to eat. He sighed and took one last good glance at this unexpected oasis, committing it to memory for whenever he'd need it again. And with the way things were currently going, he figured that'd be sooner rather than later.

Right as he stood up and began brushing off some of the pressed-on dirt and grass from his black sweatpants, he heard a distant but quick-approaching sound from up by the road. He didn't think much of it, figuring it was likely another car or bicyclist. He ended up being half right, as a person on a bike did come racing down the road. But the person wasn't some random guy in a workout suit that was a little too tight fitting. It was Kai, still in his school uniform. After a quick glance in Kyungsoo's direction, his bike skidded to an abrupt stop before he got too far away. He then abandoned it on the side of the road before running nearly full speed down the slight hill—straight toward where he was standing.

"Where the fuck have you been all day?" he asked as soon as he was within Kyungsoo's earshot.

Kyungsoo gut reaction was to take note of how panicked the other boy looked. That only lasted a few seconds though. "Here," he answered flatly. "Why?"

"Why? Why?" Kai scoffed, breathing uneven and chest heaving as he tried to catch up with it while also speaking. "Maybe because you didn't show up to school, which you never do. Oh yeah, and maybe because I got called into the office when your dad showed up asking me if I had seen you anywhere."

Kyungsoo sighed and hardened his face. "So my dad sent you out on a wild goose chase? How much extra did he pay you for that?"

Kai's expression turned from one of upset to one of confusion. "What are you—I thought we talked about this? Your parents aren't paying me to be your friend, Kyungsoo. That's not why they hired me."

"Oh right, yeah. They hired you to be a gardener, right? So your poor old uncle could retire?" Kyungsoo shifted his feet in the grass. "Tell me, Kai, how much does hedge-trimming knowledge come in handy when you're cleaning up blood from a crime scene in the middle of the night?"

Kai's breath visible hitched and his blinking eyes faltered. "H-How did you know? Who told you?" he asked.

"No one. Well, my parents if you count me overhearing them as them telling me."

With a heavy sigh, Kai tried to take a step forward. "Soo, listen, I—" But Kyungsoo took a step back. Kai registered the action and nodded softly despite looking like he had been punched in the gut. "I was gonna tell you."

"When?" Kyungsoo replied, tears already entering his eyes. "When were you gonna tell me that after you leave my house every day you go and clean up the messes my parents and their groupies make?"

Kai shook his head. "I don't know when, but I...I was going to, I swear. It was killing me to not tell you, but every time I thought about doing it, I remembered how you reacted when you found out I was working for them period and I-I...I got scared. I talked myself out of it."

"Uh huh." Kyungsoo's tongue poked at the inside of his cheek as he nodded. "And what about the part where they asked you to be get close to me? When were you gonna tell me that?"

Kai's brow furrowed. "What? They never asked me to do that."

Kyungsoo clenched his jaw. "Bullshit."

"They didn't, Kyungsoo, I swear!" He tried to step forward again, and this time, Kyungsoo took an extra step back from him. "The only thing they said to me was that they didn't usually hire people so young but decided to this time because they thought...they thought I could be your friend. Could. Not that I had to or that they'd pay me extra if I did."

"You really expect me to believe that?" Kyungsoo laughed cynically.

"I hope you'd believe me after...well, everything."

As much as Kyungsoo wanted to find the fault in his words, the dishonest glint in his eyes that revealed the act he was putting on, he couldn't. All he saw before him was Kai, his first real friend and his first love, whose eyes were starting to look just as wet as his own. Kyungsoo's foot bounced a few times as he tried to make his expression more rigid, hoping to push away his tears. When that didn't work, he looked away entirely, putting his back to Kai. It wasn't long after that that he heard approaching footsteps behind him.

He didn't move away this time.

"Kyungsoo, look at me." He didn't listen. He kept his back to him and tried to keep any obvious cries from leaving his mouth. "Look at me." When he didn't listen the second time, Kai physically forced him to turn back around. Kyungsoo had no choice but to look into his eyes then, seeing a line of tears of brimming there. "I may have taken your parents' suggestion to talk to you that first day, but every choice I made after that was mine. Not because I was bribed by them or paid extra for it, but because I wanted to. Because I just liked you. I still do. I just fucking like you, Kyungsoo. I like you because you're sarcastic and defensive and smart and interesting. I...I don't know how else to put it. I just like you."

Kyungsoo sniffled and flinched as a tear dropped down from his eyes. "How am I supposed to believe that now after everything? I believed you before and look what it got me. More lies, more manipulation."

"Then I'll tell you every day until you believe me again. As many times as you need to hear it," Kai said. "I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you—"

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "For fuck's sake, stop. I get it."

"No, you don't." Kai's grip on his shoulders tightened at the words. "I like you, Do Kyungsoo. Who knows? I might even love you."

Despite the way his heart skipped a beat at the word love, Kyungsoo shook his head. "Kai, you don't—you can't say that."

"Why not?"

"B-Because it...it doesn't make me feel like you think it does. It doesn't fix anything that's happened."

For a moment, Kai stood there, seemingly at a loss. He took his hands off Kyungsoo and let them fall to his sides. "Alright then," he said. "Tell me what to do. Tell me what I need to do to make you believe me. I'll do anything." Kyungsoo gave him a quizzical yet emotionally exasperated look. "I'll quit. I'll stop working for your parents and find another job if that's what you want. Literally anything anything, just name it."

"You can't quit," he said immediately in response, eyes briefly looking down at the ground as he kicked a particularly tall patch of grass with his shoe. "They'll kill you if you do. You've seen too much."

Kai was visibly taken aback, presumably by how nonchalantly Kyungsoo had spoken. "O-Okay then. Transfer maybe. I do genuinely kind of enjoy hedge-trimming." Kyungsoo wanted to laugh and did, but it was so light that it could have been easily mistaken for an exhale. A silence settled between them for a long minute or two after that until Kai took another experimental step forward. "Tell me what you need from me to make this better," he said. Kyungsoo met his sincere, pleading brown eyes again, heart stammering against his chest again and not out of anger or frustration but out of love. Because somehow, the moment this person walked into his classroom with his bright smile and chose to talk to him of all people, he had captured his heart and refused to give it back.

"Kiss me."

Kai seemed surprised at first but then melted into a soft smile. "That's it? Soo, I've been wanting to do that since the first time we talked. Make it harder please. I need to earn something like that."

"Well too bad. That's what I want you to do," Kyungsoo replied stubbornly. "And you said anything, so...kiss me."

"Okay, fine." Kai relented easily and moved forward again more confidently. "How do you want me to kiss you? What kind of kiss will make you believe I like you more than anyone I've ever met?"

Kyungsoo thought about it. He didn't know much about kissing besides what he had done with Kai. He just liked the way it felt to be kissed by him more than any specific kind of kiss. But he came up with an answer quickly enough, something he thought would signify the start of their redo if he was to consider this moment as such.

"A first kiss," he said. "The slow and sort of awkward kind you have when you first realize what it means to want to kiss someone. That's the kind of kiss I want."

Without saying anything, Kai briefly widened his smile and lifted his hand to Kyungsoo's neck. A familiar shiver ran down the other boy's spine at the contact, eyes fluttering shut as a result. He could feel Kai's short, hot breaths first, the brush of his lips next, and then finally the gentle yet full push of them against his last. It felt different than their actual first kiss, lighter and more exploratory, what he had always pictured a first kiss should feel like. But he felt the same spark of heat and electricity between them, the one that was impossible to ignore or fake.

After they separated, both somewhat breathless, Kai pulled back enough to see Kyungsoo's face and said, "Do you believe me now?"

Kyungsoo stared at him for a while before answering him with another kiss. "Take me to your place," he said.

Kai's expression faltered. "I should really get you home. Your parents are probably still worried."

"Let them worry," Kyungsoo retorted, only half aware that his hands were squeezing Kai's wrists. "Just take me to your place. I only want to be with you right now. No one else."

Kai sighed and gave in after a few mere moments of looking at him. "Okay, but at least let me text one of them so they know you're safe," he said.

Kyungsoo couldn't help but roll his eyes a little. "Fine. But don't tell them where I am," he said. He dropped his eyes to the ground. "I'm not ready to face them yet. I'm still too angry."

"Okay." Kai cupped the back of his head and kissed his forehead. He gave him a small smile when their eyes met again. "Come on. Let's get out of here." Kyungsoo nodded and showed him a little smile back. And when Kai held out his hand, he took it without hesitation.

>>>>>>

Things inevitably escalated when they got to the apartment. Kai had barely gotten more than a few words out before Kyungsoo backed him into the closest wall and kissed him. There was nothing soft about it this time. It was all relief, desperation, yearning, and a little anger. He wasn't so much mad at Kai anymore, now having realized that they were both puppets in his parents' world. But he didn't exactly have a good outlet to release the negative feelings that were still pent-up, and Kai was here and he still wanted him. Why not put some of this frustration to could use?

Afterward when they were both fairly spent, Kai used what physical energy he had left to go make them a late lunch while Kyungsoo ended up taking a short nap in his bed. He hadn't been tired exactly, but he admittedly felt a little more refreshed when he woke up. He put his clothes back on and then found his way to the kitchen, where he saw Kai standing in front of the stove in his boxers and a white, worn tank top. He sauntered up behind him, wrapped his arms around his waist, and rested his head against his back.

"Hi," Kai said with a small, startled laugh. "Have a nice nap?"

Kyungsoo hummed affirmatively and nodded against his shirt, then lifted his head to where he could see over his shoulder. "Those look like shit," he said when he saw the almost burnt grilled cheese sandwiches in a pan.

"And? They taste good, I'll tell you that. You know why?" Kai bit back before turning his head to look at him as much as he could in this position.

"Why?" Kyungsoo asked.

"Because I used garlic butter instead of regular butter or mayo." Kai made a fake gagging sound at the last word, which got him a genuine laugh from Kyungsoo. "So while their appearances leave a little to be desired, I assure you their taste will not."

As his laughter faded out, Kyungsoo replied with, "If you say so, chef."

He begrudgingly separated from him as he went to put the sandwiches onto two plates that he then walked over to the two-seater island across from the small kitchen. As Kyungsoo walked around to take one of those seats, Kai grabbed two cans of soda from the fridge and slid one over to him as he also sat down. With this being his first official meal of the day, Kyungsoo didn't wait to take a bite while Kai waited patiently for his reaction before even touching his. The boy looked at him as he chewed, and Kai raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Well?"

Kyungsoo deliberately chewed on the bite a little longer than necessary before swallowing and saying, "It's delicious."

"Yes!" Kai clapped his hands victoriously.

"But it is burnt," Kyungsoo added a moment later as Kai picked up his own sandwich.

He shrugged, having torn off a big bite of it. "A little extra texture never hurt anyone," he said through his chews. Kyungsoo could only chuckle at him before turning his focus back to his food.

After the dishes from lunch were cleaned and drying in dish rack next to the sink, the two boys actually went back to Kai's room and laid down together again. Tucked under his blankets with their legs tangled around each other, Kyungsoo found the courage to ask about why he agreed to clean up bodies for his parents in the first place. That led into a story about how after losing his dad, Kai moved here to live with his uncle, who wasn't related to him by blood but by being his late dad's best friend. Even though he didn't need to work, he had been so used to it that he all but insisted he keep working to help out for as long as he'd be here. It was initially just supposed to be a gardening job, but according to the very little that was relayed to him, their last cleaner had to be replaced. His uncle was prepared to take his place until Kyungsoo's parents suggested Kai instead, with the understanding that he was less of a physical liability. In return, they'd paid him a fair salary for each job and cover all of his schooling costs.

"They made getting to know you sound like an optional side quest," Kai explained. "I thought it was pretty fucked up too, so I was ready to ignore it, but then I saw you and..." He turned his gaze from the ceiling and back to Kyungsoo's face, reaching out to swipe his thumb under his bottom lip. "You caught my attention right away."

Kyungsoo blushed. "So they weren't entirely lying, I guess," he said with a sigh. "There was some altruism in there."

"Or they were just taking care of their people," Kai said. Kyungsoo, who had moved his eyes away, quickly returned them to the boy's face. "You've seen my uncle. He's strong, but he's been working his whole life. And with some of the jobs I've been on, there's no doubt he would have thrown out his back or something worse." He shrugged and met Kyungsoo's eyes. "I was more than happy to take his place. That's what you do for people who look out for you. You look out for them back."

When he put it like that, the plan sounded a lot less malicious and targeted.

Kyungsoo sighed a second time and curled in closer to his boyfriend, who instinctually put an arm around him. "Do you think I have a right to be mad at them?" he asked. "I mean, I know they want to protect me and all that, but I feel like they've been playing God with me my whole life. And it's not like I'm naive to what their reality is. Their work is dangerous and if it came down to it, any one of their enemies would absolutely go after me to bait them. But does that really mean I can't have friends? Does that mean I have to be lonely until I'm in one of their chairs?"

"First of all, you won't be lonely, not as long as I'm around," Kai said, getting a light chuckle from Kyungsoo. "Second, I do think you're allowed to be mad. You're allowed to feel whatever you want, Soo, even if you understand why things are the way they are. But I do think if you're gonna harbor all that resentment, you should talk to them."

Kyungsoo shifted in his arms, suddenly uncomfortably. "Believe me, I have tried. It always ends the same, with them saying 'sorry but this is how it has to be so we can keep you safe' and me just nodding and going with it because what the hell am I supposed to say to that?"

"Then make sure it ends differently this time." He tilted his head up a little to get a better view of Kai, who was already looking down at him. "You're right. You're not naive. You're smart and aware, and I think you could use that to come up with some kind of truce with them. Something that acknowledges the danger but also makes you feel less suffocated. And maybe also allows us to keep dating too."

"Oh, that's non-negotiable," Kyungsoo replied very seriously. "But I guess you have a point. Being angry at them won't help anything. I should just air out all of my grievances and refuse to let any of us leave their office until we strike a fair deal."

Kai raised an eyebrow, and his mouth slowly turned up into a smile until he let out a laugh. "You're certainly their child, that's for sure," he said, pulling the boy even closer to him than he already was.

"What does that mean?" Kyungsoo asked in confusion.

Kai hummed as he kissed his head. "It means you're perfect and I love you," he said, the abrupt confession nearly knocking the wind out of Kyungsoo. But he calmed quickly and melted into his boyfriend's warm embrace.

"I love you too."

>>>>>>

As much as he wanted to stay hidden under the blankets on Kai's bed until all of his problems magically disappeared, Kyungsoo did eventually let Kai take him back home the following morning. He was nervous on the entire ride back, so nervous that he caught himself squeezing the other boy's waist a little too hard a couple of times. But Kai reassured him that he'd only be a phone call and a bike ride away if he needed him, which eased him more than he'd ever be brave enough to tell him. After sharing a quick kiss, he watched Kai get back onto his bike and ride away and then turned to face his house.

He sighed, doing his best to put on a stoic face despite the anxiety that was currently keeping his heart pumping. "Here goes nothing," he muttered, giving himself another second or two before he began approaching the front door.

Inside the house was quiet. Too quiet. There were no staff around, and the only light he could see from the entryway was the one in the hallway—the same hallway where his parents' office was. Not that there needed to be more lights on. The natural light coming in from the big windows in front of their sitting room was enough. But it still made Kyungsoo's gut twist in a way he didn't like.

Swallowing thickly, he made his way toward and then down the hall. At the office door, he stopped and closed his eyes. "Make sure it ends differently this time," he said to himself. He wasn't sure if he'd actually end up doing that, but hearing Kai's voice in his head helped him believe he at least had a shot. So with one last deep breath, he lifted his hand and knocked on the door. Instead of hearing a stern voice like he expected to, he heard shuffling and then the opening of it from the other side.

There in front of him stood his father. No anger present in his face, just a worry that was washed away by relief when he saw him. "Son," he said with a heavy exhale, extending out a hand to Kyungsoo's shoulder and pulling him in for a hug. "We were worried sick."

Kyungsoo didn't know how to respond, eyes wide and body frozen in his father's embrace. He could be an affectionate man occasionally, but it had been years since he had given him a hug like this. Then again, he supposed he did have a good reason. They had probably spent half of yesterday wondering if he was safe before Kai texted them.

His dad came over as his father ended the hug, all kinds of emotions playing on his face. "Where were you?" he asked, a definite shake in his voice. "When the housekeeper called, he said you told him you weren't feeling well and were going to stay home. So where did you go? Were you at that boy's house all day?"

"No." Kyungsoo swallowed and shook his head. "I was just out. Kai only came and found me when I was about to come back."

"Then why didn't you?" his dad pressed, something like anger brewing up and onto his face.

"Because I didn't want to," Kyungsoo retorted, brow knitting and jaw tightening. "I wanted to be anywhere but here. And no, before you go accusing him, he didn't offer to take me to his place. I told him to take me there. He was the one who insisted on texting you."

At that, both of them seemed to untense their shoulders as they shared a quick glance. His dad sighed again. "Sit down," he said, as he motioned to one of the chairs in front of his father's desk. He then went and dragged the chair behind his desk over closer to the other one. Every resentful, rebellious bone in Kyungsoo's body told him not to listen, but once again, he thought of Kai and what he said about looking out for people who looked out for him. So he obliged and sat down across from them both.

"What's going on?"

Kyungsoo scoffed at his dad's question. What wasn't going on would have been a better one. He crossed his arms over his chest and made direct eye contact with both of them. "I know that Kai isn't really a gardener," he said.

His parent froze a bit until his dad raised his eyebrows and sat back in his chair, as if to challenge Kyungsoo's posture. "You do?"

The boy nodded, just once. "I overheard your conversation the day before grandma and grandpa came over," he began to explain. "I was a little hurt, but mostly confused. And, you know, since you decided against being honest with me, I had to ask someone. So I asked Kai." This made something in his parents' otherwise neutral expressions twitch. Kyungsoo made a mental note of that reaction before clearing his throat and continuing in a forced jovial tone. "But I'm willing to cut you some slack because he told me the full story, about his dad and how he wanted to look out for his uncle. You weren't being completely dishonest, so I suppose I have to give you that."

His father's face broke a little as he shifted in his chair. "Kyungsoo, listen—"

"No, I think it's time you listen to me. Like really listen," he interjected, surprised at how easily his confidence had come up from the pit of his stomach. "I understand your positions. You're not just my parents. You look out for a lot of people while also pissing off a lot of other people, people who wouldn't think twice about coming after me as revenge. So I get that I can't be normal, and honestly, I'm fine with that. It's not like any of us can help it. But what I'm not okay with is you two trying to pilot my life behind back and then act like it's for my own good. I'm not stupid, okay? I wouldn't blindly trust just anyone or let my guard down when my gut is telling me something is off, both of which I learned from you by the way. And maybe I can't stop people from thinking I'm too scary to approach or befriend, but it would be nice if just one time, I could have someone who likes me for me. Someone who understands the kind of life I live but doesn't judge me based on it. And even though you already partially manipulated the situation, I'm choosing to believe that Kai can be that person for me. So if either of you have an issue with that, I suggest you fix it now because he's not going away. He's my first and only friend, and I won't let you chase him away because you refuse to be different than your parents."

By the time he finished, tears were gathering in his eyes, but not so many that he couldn't wipe them away easily as he breathed out and sat back against the chair. He could see the same emotion in both of his parents' eyes, and all three of them seemed to be determined to hold it back.

Finally, his dad spoke up. "I'm sorry," he said. And sincerely too. Not in the fake, slightly condescending way Kyungsoo was used to. "I can admit that hiring him was double-sided. It made sense to pick someone younger and more physically capable, but I wanted—or hoped rather—that maybe since you'd see so much of each other, you could be friends. I saw how lonely you were, but I didn't want to risk you becoming even more of a target because of us. It felt like the safest bet."

Hearing it directly from him softened Kyungsoo's perspective. There before him he saw not his dad and father, but two kids who had grown up exactly like him and weren't given the chance to see that anything could be different. And then those kids grew up and had a son of their own and with nothing else to go on, sculpted the same exact environment for him.

But unlike his grandparents, they were taking a step toward change by being honest. And they deserved some credit for that.

"We never intended to make you feel like we were controlling you," his father added with a light head shake. "We only wanted to keep you safe, but we see now that our methods covered up those intentions. And I'm sorry too, for not saying something earlier."

As Kyungsoo sniffled and wiped his eyes again, his dad chimed in again. "I can't promise you things will change overnight, but we will do our best to make you feel more like our son and less like our ward because regardless of what our actions have shown, we do care about your happiness, Kyungsoo. And we love you very much. More than anything."

This time when he said it, Kyungsoo didn't feel like he was being subtly warned or threatened. He felt warm and just a little lighter than he did when he came in.

"I'm willing to try if you are," he said in response, putting on a small smile. His parents smiled back at him and nodded. He breathed and wiped some wetness off his cheeks. "I'm sorry if I sounded rude. I didn't mean to. Well, I did, but I was sort of going for assertive more than rude."

"Don't apologize," his father said with a small laugh. "You reminded me a lot of your dad actually, which I don't know is a good thing or not..."

He was hit in the arm and given an offended glance afterward. "I, for one, am very proud of you," his dad said. "You'll make a fine boss one day. If you choose to, of course."

Kyungsoo laughed a little. "We'll see. You guys aren't really selling it so far," he said, which got an amused reaction out of both of them. "Oh, and um, one more thing. It might be good if you considered giving Kai an actual gardening position or at least gave him shorter cleanup jobs. He's exhausted, and I'm really worried he's just going to collapse one day."

That seemed like news to his parents, but they ended up nodding. "We'll see what we can shift around," his dad said.

"Thanks." Kyungsoo smiled. Then, after wiping the remnants of his emotionally complex tears, he stood up from the chair. "I think I'm going to shower. I feel gross."

As he walked to the office door, his dad called after him, "I really hope you're using protection, sweetie."

Kyungsoo's eyes widened as he temporarily stopped in place. "Now is not the time for that conversation," he said quickly before opening the door and scattering out of the room.

When he was back in his bedroom, the first thing he did was pick up his phone with the intention to call Kai. He had to peel through hundreds of missed calls and texts first, but eventually, he did find his contact and pressed the call button.

He picked up right away. "Hello? Soo? Is everything okay? Do I need to come back over? I just got home, but I can come back."

"No, I'm fine," Kyungsoo answered with a soft laugh. "It went well actually...I think. At least it felt like it did."

Kai audibly sighed. "Good, I'm glad. Does this mean I won't be killed in my sleep tonight?"

Kyungsoo laughed again. "I think you're in the clear. But I would prepare yourself for a slight shift change. I asked them to give you less jobs that run so late so you can actually sleep properly."

"Thanks, babe, but you didn't have to do that. I'm alright really."

"Alright my ass. Besides, I figured I might as well use my leverage while I had it. Who knows what will happen tomorrow?"

He heard what sounded like Kai plopping onto a chair or couch. "Don't be so pessimistic. I'm no fortune teller, but I think our future is bright, Do Kyungsoo."

He smiled, eyes dropping down to his lap. "Yeah...maybe."

There was a beat before he heard, "I love you."

Kyungsoo's heart swooned. "I love you too, Kai," he replied.

He could practically feel the other boy's smile through his phone. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yes please. But don't bother sneaking out back. Just knock on the door."

"...are you sure that's safe?"

Kyungsoo let out a louder chuckle. "I mean, enter at your own risk," he teased.

"Soo," Kai whined, which only made Kyungsoo laugh harder. As he fell back onto his bed, his chest filled with a warmth that not that long ago felt so out of reach. But thanks to Kai, he had finally grabbed it—and he didn't plan on letting go of it any time soon.