Chapter Text
[FLASHBACK] — Party Night. One year and one month ago.
His skin burns.
Tears stream down his face, and he can’t stop the sobs or the spasms wracking his body. Still, he keeps scrubbing. His arms. His neck. More. More. It’s not enough.
Jake rips a loose shard of metal from the frame protecting the bathroom mirror and scrapes it against the skin of his forearms and wrists—right over his scent glands.
A wild thought crosses his mind. Cut it out. Get rid of this shit forever.
He decides to do it—but he needs motivation. He digs through his pockets until he finds it, cursing himself for bringing so few… well, it should be enough.
Jake pulls out the small ziplock bag and pours most of the pills into his palm. He wants to take them all, but saves a few for later.
As soon as he swallows them, his body relax. The strong scent comes in waves when he sees—through the fogged mirror, or maybe his own blurred vision—a figure approaching.
“Jake? What the fuck are you doing?”
He recognizes Jay’s voice, and the fear barely contained in it.
Because it’s Jay—who barely cares about anything—Jake thinks any excuse will work.
“I’m drunk. Just washing my face so I can sober up. You can go—I’ll be back in a minute.”
The noise of the party is muffled by the bathroom walls. Jay is still behind him somewhere between the door and his back.
Jake’s vision doubles, space itself becoming abstract. He doesn’t hear Jay move, but he feels it when he’s turned around, his hip hitting the sink.
Jay stands in front of him, examining his face. “Jake… Please… don’t do this.”
In all their years of friendship, Jake has never heard Jay cry like this. Yes—heard. He can’t really see him anymore.
“How many did you take?” Jay shakes his arms.
Jake wonders how he knows… can’t remember if he came in before or after he swallowed.
“Ten… or… fifteen…” Jay’s hands tremble as he pulls Jake against his chest.
“Relax, man… I’m not gonna die… I’m just drunk.” Jay keeps talking, making sounds Jake can’t understand. Is he still crying? All Jake hears are fragments.
“…what happened?… your arms?… did you drink?… I—I don’t want to… watch my friend die in my arms, Jake…”
That’s the last thing Jake clearly hears.
“I said I’m not gonna die. I didn’t take meds. Just blockers…”
In Jake’s head, his words are perfectly clear—but he doesn’t know if Jay understands.
Jake blinks, and somehow they’re by the toilet now.
He feels his knees hit the floor, Jay still holding him tight.
“…you’ll need to throw up…” Jay grabs his chin and pries his lips open with two fingers.
Jake’s mind snaps into focus. Jay will smell it. Everyone will. If I get the pills out of my system, everyone will smell me.
He struggles against Jay’s grip. He doesn’t quite know if he’s screaming, but it feels like it—his throat hurts. “GET OUT OF HERE! LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“Jake… please… do this for me…” Jay tries to hold his face still, tries to force his fingers into his mouth, but Jake keeps thrashing.
“I’D RATHER DIE THAN LET ANYONE SMELL ME EVER AGAIN!” The words tear out of him, followed by broken, desperate sobs.
He feels his cheek press into fabric, his nose against Jay’s neck.
A hand strokes the back of his head… resting on Jay’s shoulder…? He closes his eyes and clings to the warmth.
When he blinks again, the last thing he remembers before blacking out is Jay’s fingers at the back of his tongue, minutes before he vomits.
“Where’s Sunoo?” Sunghoon asks Heeseung while drinking beside him.
“You expect me to know? He, Jungwon, and Riki disappeared about…” The beta looks to his watch. “ten minutes ago. As long as they’re not causing trouble, I don’t really care.”
Sunghoon takes a sip of his drink. Did I really stay in the bathroom with Jake for only five minutes?
Jungwon emerges from the crowd and approaches them.
“Where’s Sunoo? He said he had something to talk with me and then vanished!” Sunghoon raises his voice over the music to ask Jungwon.
“He’s probably somewhere with Riki!” the omega replies, and maybe it was just Sunghoon’s impression, but he seemed a little irritated.
At that moment, Jay arrives too… with Jake unconscious in his arms.
Heeseung and Sunghoon jump and drop their glasses.
“What happened?!”
Jungwon steps closer as well.
“I think he drank too much! I’m taking him home!” The poor lighting at the party casts shadows over Jay’s face, helping hide his red, tear-filled eyes.
“I’ll go with you!” Jungwon offers to help, but Jay refuses.
“Jay hyung, I already wanted to leave anyway. At least I’ll help you guys.”
The two leave the party and get into the car that was already waiting for them.
Jungwon notices that even in the car—where Jay could have laid Jake comfortably across the seat—he chose to hold him on his lap the entire ride, arms wrapped tightly around the omega, almost as if he might run away.
The younger one thinks the gesture is pure alpha possessiveness. He tries to scent the air for any trace of pheromones that might indicate a bond between them, but the only thing he senses coming from Jay is worry. He’s genuinely worried about Jake.
Jungwon sighs. Jay breaks the silence.
“Why did you want to leave? You looked like you were having a lot of fun when we got there.”
“If I tell you why, I’m going to start venting, and I don’t think you want to hear that,” Jungwon says, staring at Jay with those piercing eyes.
“Go ahead. We’ve got time.”
“I saw someone I was starting to like kissing someone else right in front of me.”
“Ouch. That hurts,” Jay grimaces.
“You know what hurts more? We kissed before coming here… I don’t know how to explain it, it’s like… he was trying to wipe away any trace of me.”
They finally arrive, and with Jungwon’s help, Jay manages to put Jake on the bed.
He covers him quickly so Jungwon won’t see the red marks on the older one’s arms—then, almost reflexively, presses his fingers to Jake’s neck to check his pulse. Alive. He brings his hand to Jake’s lips and feels the warm puffs of air from his nose.
Alive.
He’s alive and he’s fine.
Jay closes his eyes, allowing himself to relax as he feels Jake’s breathing against his hand.
“You look at him with so much tenderness,” Jungwon suddenly says, and Jay startles. He’d forgotten the other omega was still in the room.
“It’s nothing special. Anyone would do the same in my place.”
“You like him.” Jay steps away from Jake’s bed to face Jungwon. Of course he liked Jake—he liked all of them… but the omega’s tone implied something more.
“Not the way you’re thinking. That I can guarantee.”
Then why did his heart race and his breath falter? His mind was calm… but he felt a desperate urge to run and hide… why?
The best defense is offense. Jungwon barely has time to respond before Jay adds:
“Just because you like Sunoo doesn’t mean everyone’s in love with their best friends.”
Jungwon’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open in shock.
“What do you know about that?”
“I don’t know anything. I only know what you said yourself. You kissed the person who ditched you before the party. Riki was with me and Heeseung. Jake was with Sunghoon. And you… with Sunoo.”
“Wow. You could become an FBI investigator if you keep this up,” Jungwon snorts sarcastically. “But me liking Sunoo doesn’t erase the fact that you like Jake.”
“You assume I’m in the same situation as you, but I don’t even like men,” Jay says very seriously.
Jungwon chokes on a laugh—if Jake weren’t completely passed out, he would’ve woken up.
“Jay hyung, that was the best joke you’ve ever told. Like, EVER!” Jungwon wipes the corners of his eyes, still trying to control his laughter.
“Notice I’m not laughing?”
“So you’re saying you’re not bi?”
“Of course not. I like omega women. Only.”
“You know there’s no such thing as man or woman when we’re in heat, right? Instinct works regardless of your personal preferences.”
“And who are you to talk about natural instinct? You’re an omega in love with another omega. Is there anything more unnatural than that?”
Reality hits Jungwon and his smile disappears. Jay instantly regrets what he said, but he can’t take it back.
“I know there’s something wrong with me. I kind of manipulated Sunoo into kissing me… I just wanted… to test whether what I felt for him was really love or if I was imagining things just because I’d never kissed an alpha.”
Jay blinks a few times. “What do you mean? You’ve never been with an alpha?”
“I kissed some boys when I was younger—that’s how I figured out I liked guys. But none of us had manifested yet. I thought that when I manifested myself I’d be normal...”
A crazy idea sparks in Jay’s mind. He grabs Jungwon by the shoulders and looks at him with a playful expression.
“Man, I just thought of something, but it’s totally insane. Wanna try it?”
Jungwon doesn’t understand where all that excitement is coming from.
“Try what?”
“Listen to me. You’ve never kissed an alpha to have a reference, and that’s messing with your feelings about Sunoo… you say I can be attracted to an omega regardless of gender… let’s kiss, release our pheromones… and find out.”
“Oh my god, you’re completely crazy—” Jay’s smile is contagious, and Jungwon mirrors it. “LET’S TRY IT!”
Without ceremony, Jay cups Jungwon’s face in both hands and presses their lips together.
It takes a few seconds for them to catch each other’s scent. Jay’s tongue asks for entry, and they deepen the kiss. One, two, three seconds. They try, but nothing different hits them.
Both open their eyes at the same time, a fit of laughter overtakes them, and they speak at once:
“What the fuck are we doing—”
“THANK GOD, I LIKE WOMEN!”
Jay pumps his fists in the air in happiness while Jungwon laughs at his over-the-top excitement, wiping his mouth.
“Just because you and I don’t have sexual chemistry doesn’t mean you can’t like another omega man, you know that, right?”
“At this point you’re just making excuses cause you don’t wanna admit I’m right! You’re going to have to accept that I’m STRAIGHT!” Jay bounces like a child, lightly punching Jungwon’s shoulder.
The younger omega can’t stop laughing. And says (more to himself), “I’m so in love… I only managed to keep kissing you cause my mind was remembering Sunoo’s kiss…”
Jay stops celebrating just to respond,
“You’re completely fucked. I am glad I’m not you.”
“What beautiful words of comfort. Thank you, Jay hyung,” Jungwon says, then turns and sees Jake’s silhouette on the bed.
“Did we really do that shit right next to someone sleeping?” Jungwon laughs, then remembers something. “Jay, you’d better not tell anyone what just happened.”
“Hey, that’s my line! I’m the straight guy here!” Jay pokes Jungwon. “But don’t worry. Our friendship stays the same, and no one will know.”
Jungwon walks to the bedroom door and waits for Jay to follow… but he doesn’t.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“I’ll stay a bit longer to make sure Jake’s okay,” Jay says as he sits in a chair facing the bed.
Jungwon smiles and leaves the room…
No matter how many times he tries to convince himself otherwise, Jay is not straight.