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For the longest time Yang Cheng has had a crush on his classmate Xia Qing. It wasn't love at first sight of course, that would be absurd.
When they first met, his first impression of Xia Qing was that she was a responsible person. After all, she was the class representative. She would always help everyone in the class as best as she could, prioritizing their needs and always being patient with them. Eventually he had come to admire her strength and kindness, and that admiration turned into an overwhelming wave of feelings he would soon realize after a quick internet search as “love”.
Yang Cheng didn't know how it started. He didn't know the exact origins of where these strange yet warm feelings came from. All he knew was that one day he saw her and thought that she was breathtaking.
Yang Cheng rubs the tickets against his fingers, attempting to brush away the nerves. The entire morning all that was crowding his mind was Xia Qing. More accurately a ridiculous amount of possible outcomes of the long awaited confession—most of them ending in humiliation. The closer he got to the university, the more doubt clouded his head. With each step closer to the entrance the more his mind gave him reason after reason not to tell her.
He was met with the sound of students conversing or roaming about within the swarm of people in the hallway. Usually the University wasn’t this busy so it was a rare sight, but not one that Yang Cheng wanted to see, if anything it made his anxiety even worse.
He navigated through the nosy crowd, blurting out apologies out of habit whenever he bumped into someone. After escaping the trenches of the packed horde of students he closes his eyes and gasps for air after suffocating in there. The hallway he ended up in was still filled with people but was less crowded.
But once he found peace, his dark thoughts seeped its way into his brain. He opened his eyes and as soon as his thoughts came they instantly vanished when he caught sight of a familiar green cardigan and long brown hair.
His ears blocked out any noise that surrounded him, the students passing by becoming insignificant as his eyes only focused on the only person that mattered at that very moment, basking in Xia Qing’s radiance as if she was the only being that existed in the entire world.
Somehow he felt lighter, the tightness in his chest fleeting away and being replaced with something brighter.
He took a step.
And then another.
Each step closer to her felt like the easiest thing to do in the world, like he was weightless, walking toward her with confidence he never knew he had. His final destination!
He's gonna do it. He's actually going to do it!
Just before he could take another step and tell her the memorized lines he practiced embarrassingly with nothing but himself in front of a mirror for the past few days, his heart dropped hard like an atomic bomb when a bright yet smooth voice reached his ears.
“Xia Qing!”
Xia Qing swiftly turned her head and a kind smile graced her lips as she caught sight of him, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “Shang Chao.”
Shang Chao walked right past Yang Cheng, like he wasn't even there at all, jogging up to Xia Qing and easily starting up a conversation with her as they walked away, side by side, looking at each other's eyes.
Yang Cheng thought of how yellow and green are a good color combination.
Suddenly he’s aware of the loud students bustling about in the hallway, scattering in different directions; the hurried steps of stressed students, the idle chatter between friends, the whispers of gossip that may or may not be true. At that moment he finally understood that he is no different from these ordinary people. He’s just a part of the crowd while Xia Qing and Shang Chao were the center of attention, always under the spotlight without putting any effort whatsoever.
He just stood there.
Staring.
He let the sea of people swallow him whole, drowning him and blending him into the crowd.
Once again, Yang Cheng was invisible.
He looked down at the slightly wrinkled tickets, then stuffed them into his pocket, not caring anymore if he ruined them or not.
Shang Chao…
Yang Cheng didn't have any ill intentions against him. I mean he does sometimes wish the guy would just stop talking to Xia Qing but that's just the jealousy talking.
Shang Chao was the definition of perfection. He was charismatic, easygoing, and got along with everyone no matter who they may be. He has even attempted to talk to Yang Cheng a few times, striking up small talk whenever he had the chance. He even gave his phone number at some point in one of those conversations, but they've only texted a few times, with Shang Chao being the first to message of course.
He's also considerate, knowing how to respect people's boundaries. Like how he wouldn't force Yang Cheng to continue a conversation if he didn't want to, either he would go talk with someone else or stay and just enjoy the silence with Yang Cheng.
Not only that but everyone except Xia Qing knows that Shang Chao has a crush on her too. Comparing Shang Chao to himself it's obvious who the winner is.
Besides, Xia Qing deserved someone like Shang Chao, not someone like Yang Chneg who doesn't even have a single trust value.
He doesn't have value at all.
But he can't bear to keep these feelings anymore. They want to escape, to be free from the cage that Yang Cheng locked up in order to protect himself.
Mutual or not, he needs to let his feelings be known. And who knows, maybe Xia Qing would choose him and not Shang Chao.
He brings out the now crumbled tickets and tries to straighten them out, pressing his thumbs across the paper in an attempt to flatten them back to their original state. It didn't exactly look good as new but it will have to do.
The next day he tries again.
Oh, she’s talking with Shang Chao, maybe I shouldn’t interrupt them…
So he tries again.
They seem busy studying with each other. Maybe next time.
And again.
Looks like they're eating lunch together, I shouldn’t disturb them during their meal.
Okay, this has to be the one right? This has to be the day he confesses—OH come on! Why are they always together!?
He tries again and again but every time Yang Cheng gets the chance to talk to her, Shang Chao would always show up at the exact moment! Yang Cheng swears that Shang Chao could materialise out of thin air! He hasn’t seen it but it's the only explanation he could think of! It was either the universe deemed that they could never be or Shang Chao somehow knew when he would confess and thought of a devious plan to prevent it from happening by simply being there. They liked the girl after all.
But it couldn't be the latter. Shang Chao isn't that kind of person and Yang Cheng knew that. And he hated that fact. That Shang Chao wasn’t a bad person. He was rich and popular, one of the stereotypes of the antagonist of every story, the love rival who would try to steal the love interest. Yet Shang Chao wasn’t even close.
He was a good person. He cared about everyone, even to a nobody like Yang Cheng and he couldn’t understand why. Why does he care? It would have been so much easier if he was a bad guy. But he wasn’t. And he hated that.
He hated that he didn't have a good reason to hate Shang Chao, yet he couldn’t help but have an indescribable bitterness toward him. Even the mere thought of his name makes him feel dejected.
Shang Chao hasn’t done anything wrong but sometimes he wishes he were dead.
The only thing Shang Chao did was like the same girl. He shouldn’t be hated for that.
If only Shang Chao didn’t like Xia Qing he wouldn’t have these hideous feelings for him. Maybe they would have been closer, friends even. But the reality is Shang Chao does like Xia Qing, and that's a fact. Yang Cheng knows that Shang Chao is the better option for her between the two of them.
Was he even a choice?
Shang Chao would be better for her then he could ever be.
But Yang Cheng’s brain can’t seem to picture Xia Qing with him. Yang Cheng doesn’t want to accept that reality.
He needs to come up with another plan.
By which he means typing a three paragraph essay showing his undying love for her in his notepad app, deleting and correcting mistakes or sentences that didn’t seem to hit right.
When he felt satisfied he read the entire thing, carefully analyzing every single word. And after careful consideration, he deleted the entire thing all together, collapsing on the bed with an exasperated sigh.
He already knows how much of a coward he is for choosing to confess over text instead of just telling her in person!
He has to at least send her a normal message! Not a paragraph that looks like it came out from one of those cheesy love novels!
It should be something more simple.
Maybe an ‘I love you.”?
No way! That's way too early!
Maybe…
“I like you?” Yang Cheng muttered to himself, testing out how it would sound like to Xia Qing once she sees the text.
I can’t just say “I like you” I need to add something else.
He looks at the tickets on his table.
An idea pops onto his mind and he immediately opens his message app and looks down at the only three contacts he has:
Uncle Rock, Xia Qing, and Shang Chao. With the addition of group chats for projects.
Yang Cheng exhales, mustering all the courage he has left inside him. He can do a simple text. How hard could that be?
Yet he couldn’t help but feel the familiar arms of his anxiety wrap around him, it's dark liquid smothering him and tempting him to just close his phone and ultimately give up.
Ugh! Keep it together Yang Cheng! Just rip off the bandaid! The faster you do it the faster you're over with it!
And he took that quite literally by hurriedly tapping the contact and typing out the message inside the text box and hitting send, the sound effect coming out of his phone as an indication the message has successfully reached the other user.
Yang Cheng quickly closes the phone, the bright white turning into black. And then he just sits there, on his bed, doing absolutely nothing. His foot starts to tap against the floor rapidly, his thumbs fiddling with one another as panic starts to consume him.
Oh gosh, what has he done—
Ping!
Yang Cheng dives onto his bed and swipes open his phone, pressing the notification without even looking.
Then his excited smile slowly turns into a disappointed frown as he reads the name.
Shang Chao.
That's weird, he rarely messages me. I wonder why he's texting me in the middle of the night. Yang Cheng thought, like he didn't just pathetically confess over a text in the middle of the night himself.
Shang Chao:
Good eve Yang Cheng!
ꉂ(˵˃ ᗜ ˂˵)
honestly I had no clue you felt that way for me
I kind of thought you liked Xia Qing like I do
Guess I was way off the point!
I would say no but I want to consider your feelings first, you know?
I can't just reject you without thinking about it.
Give me the whole day tomorrow to think about my answer. Then after school let's meet up at that bubble tea shop!
I've always wanted to try their boba tea!(>•<)💭🧋
Yang Cheng eyebrows knit together, as if the line of messages were a tricky riddle he couldn't understand. What is he talking about?
After re-reading he finally understood what Shang Chao’s text messages meant and he hastily scrolls up, hoping deep down that he didn't do what he thinks he did.
But then there it was. A chat box, right there, sent by him a few moments ago.
:Yang Cheng
I've always liked you. Will you go out with me and watch the Lucky Cyan Concert together?
Yang Cheng stares at the screen.
Then stares some more.
He turns off the phone and calmly places it right next to him and just stares at the blank wall in front of him.
He then proceeds to do these steps in order:
Step 1: Silently lay down on your bed.
Step 2: Curl in on yourself.
Step 3: Proceed to cry because you're a pathetic excuse of a human being.
Step 4: Try to suffocate yourself with a pillow while screaming at it.
Step 5: Pointlessly stare up at the ceiling and think about every stupid decision you've ever made that led you into this miserable life because you have nothing better to do.
Step 6: Cry some more because why not?
Step 7: After suffering on your bed for almost an hour, stand up at 1:52 A.M. in the middle of the night and endlessly walk around your entire apartment and suffer some more.
Step 8: Calm yourself down and finally use common sense for the first time in your life and realize you can just explain to Shang Chao that it was all just a misunderstanding.
Step 9: Laugh to yourself because the entire situation is actually funny but then cry immediately after.
Step 10: After crying for a good 3 minutes, go and grab your phone and start panicking because it mysteriously disappeared from your bed and then accidentally step on something and realize it was your phone and now it's all broken and useless just like you are.
Step 11: You consider moving out of the country but then remember that you're broke because you spent your savings on a ridiculously overpriced yet totally worth it E-Soul figurine.
Step 12: Suddenly black out in the middle of the floor from exhaustion because you have been stressing the hell out up until the ungodly hours of the morning.
…
Yang Cheng has never drank a single drop of alcohol in his life and yet he thinks he's experiencing a hangover.
His eyes were all red and puffy from all the well needed crying from last night, and as an added bonus he also has eyebags from sleeping at 4 in the morning.
To make it even better he woke up late and didn't have time to worry about proper grooming so he looks like he came from a crazy late night party with his hair all ruffled up and wearing mismatched socks—one with cartoon dinosaurs and another of little floating E-Souls.
And to add the cherry on top, the first person that comes up to him first thing in the morning when he arrives at university is none other than Xia Qing.
“Yang Che—Woah! What happened to you?” Xia Qing leaned in close to take a better look at him, checking his body while being oblivious at how red Yang Cheng is by the close proximity.
“What happe—”
“Yang Cheng what happened?” SEE! What did he just say! He materialises out of thin air! He just doesn't happen to see it when he does.
Shang Chao's presence lit up the room and Yang Cheng is not exaggerating, the room literally looked brighter than usual when he arrived.
Shang Chao walked towards them with natural yet confident steps, the small curve of his smile that didn't quite reach his eyes landed on Yang Cheng.
He looked… normal.
Yang Cheng didn’t know what he expected but he expected something. But Shang Chao looked at him like he would to any other person. As if the person in front of him didn’t send a random confession in text last night.
He looks totally fine!
Yang Cheng quickly diverted his eyes, not wanting to look at Shang Chao. He's the last person I want to see.
“I slept late, that's all…” He said with a polite smile as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.
It wasn’t really a surprise when he heard a relieved sigh from Shang Chao, because of course he cared. “That’s good.” Yang Cheng took a peak and there it was again, that kind smile.
Why do you smile at me like that? I don’t deserve it.
Then Shang Chaos' eyes widened slightly, as if he just remembered something important then turned to Xia Qing. “Almost forgot! Professor Tang wanted to talk with you about something. He didn't exactly tell me what it was about but he said it was urgent.”
Xia Qing shortly nodded and immediately walked away, abandoning Yang Cheng.
Xia Qing, no! Please don't leave me with him!
Xia Qing made a final wave goodbye before her rushing figure disappeared in the distance.
XIA QING NO! PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH HIM! I NEED YOUUUU—
“So about last night—” Shang Chao started and Yang Cheng just wanted to dissipate into nothingness.
“—I'm still thinking about my answer. I know we don't really hang out much so I'm not really sure what it would be like to date you. But then again you're a sweet guy”—Yang Cheng felt a sudden rush of guilt hit him. He really wasn't—“Dating you might be nice. But I don't really know how I should feel about all this.” Shang Choa gestured with his hands for emphasis, “Then again I still have the whole day to think it through. So wait for me, okay?”
This is his chance! He can just explain to Shang Chao that this is all a misunderstanding. That the message was for someone else!
Shang Chao beamed at him with the sweetest smile, tilting his head slightly to the side as he patiently awaited Yang Cheng's response.
There was a brief silence that settled between them. Yang Cheng stared, his mind suddenly blank, forgetting how to think or function like a human being.
And then Yang Cheng's head moved on its own and nodded. “Sure I'll wait.” Shang Chaos' smile widened at the words, making him impossibly more handsome than before.
“See you in class then!” And just like that Shang Chao was gone, leaving Yang Cheng to stare at absolutely nothing.
In the middle of the hall Yang Cheng squatted and yelled, clenching his fists on his tufts of hair.
Why! Why am I such an idiot!
Why did I have to be a coward!?
Why didn't I just open my mouth and explain that this was just an accident!?
This wasn’t what he imagined their conversation to be like. Yang Cheng couldn't explain why he froze up and suddenly didn't remember the words he initially wanted to say. He even scribbled it down in a hurry that morning and stuffed it into his backup before speeding off.
All he did was look at Shang Chao's face and all of a sudden he forgot how to think. All his thoughts seemed to vanish out of thin air when Shang Chao gave him that innocent look. He managed to pull all of his words out of his mouth with just one look!
Oh how Yang Cheng loathes himself…
But alas, it has already been done. He can't do anything about it anymore. He still has a chance though after school when Shang Chao gives him his answer. If Yang Cheng thinks logically, there is no way he'd accept his “feelings”. Shang Chao already had his eyes set on Xia Qing for quite some time now. And who in their right mind would choose someone else over her?!
To Shang Chao, Yang Cheng was just a classmate he barely knew that texted a sudden confession in the middle of the night and didn't even bother to do a proper confession in person.
And to Yang Cheng, Shang Chao was also just a classmate he barely knew, and his feelings toward him aren't really that great. He probably thinks that Yang Cheng is pathetic—which he wouldn't really be off the mark—for doing such a poor job at asking him out…
For Xia Qing it was different, at least he had some idea of how she would think about his sad excuse of a confession. But he doesn't have a clue of what Shang Chao thinks about at all! He only knows him by surface level.
In regards to knowing him on a personal level… Shang Chao was a complete mystery to him.
His string of bubbled thoughts were popped by the blaring rings of the bell.
Yang Cheng dropped his head and sighed in defeat. He'll just have to wait until the day is over.
…
The whole day all he could think of was the inevitable meeting with Shang Chao after classes. He was so nervous about the meeting that all the voices of his professors gradually turned into nothing more but muffled voices, their words weren't even able to reach his ears.
Before he knew it he was silently waiting in the now empty boba shop with Uncle Rock behind the counter, the last of its customers already leaving. He shuffled in the cushioned chair next to the window with his backpack on his lap, hugging it to his chest.
Gosh, why did he even choose to take the couples spot! He remembers Uncle Rock's words when he told him how every couple who ever confessed in this very spot always got together. Is Yang Cheng trying to sabotage himself or what?!
Relax, it's just some ridiculous belief that people made up. It doesn't actually have any romance magic… He hopes…
“Are you okay kid? You're more gloomy than your usual self.” Yang Cheng looked up to see Uncle Rock wiping the counter.
“It’s nothing, I'm just meeting up with a… classmate.” Yang Cheng answered as his gaze swept across the entire shop, his eyes searching for a person in yellow, waiting for a calm yet cheerful voice to greet him. His head fell on top of his backup which crumpled under its weight.
He was getting way too nervous. But at the same time who wouldn't be? He didn't know what Shang Chao was gonna do to him. Yang Cheng grunted. Why is he acting as if Shang Chao is gonna do something evil?
Does he really view him as the villain of his story? Yang Cheng's fingers gripped the fabric of the backpack, feeling its texture between his fingers. Does he truly hate him? Everytime he sees that innocent face of his he just wants to smash it and see if it would crack to reveal his true nature, hoping that it was something vile. Because if what was underneath was actually the same as what's on the surface, then Yang Cheng truly doesn't have the right to hate him.
Yang Cheng grumbles and hides his eyes with the top of his backpack, obscuring his vision to pure darkness.
He was so preoccupied by his thoughts that he didn't notice the bells chiming and someone ordering drinks, hesitating on what the flavor of the second one should be. As he rotted on his backpack he subconsciously mumbled out, “Shang Chao…”
“Yes?”
“AH!” Yang Cheng sprung up at the unexpected voice of Shang Chao, his arms flailing helplessly as he lost his footing and miserably fell onto the hard polished floor. His body sprawled out and ached from the impact, his eyes squeezed shut as he let out quiet noises of discomfort, rubbing his back as he tried to get up.
Yang Cheng's eyes flew open when Shang Chao let out a breath of laughter, chuckling at the mess before him that was Yang Cheng. Shang Chao places the drinks on the table top and offers his hand with a gentle smile.
Yang Cheng looks at the person in front of him, his gaze tracing back from his face to his open palm. Yang Cheng lifts his hand up but hesitates, his fingertips an inch away from his.
Shang Chao chuckled again. “Don't worry, I don't bite.”
Yang Cheng flushed as a feeling of embarrassment rushed in and he quickly placed his hand on his, letting Shang Chao help him up on his feet. He wasn't afraid of Shang Chao…
Shang Chao bent over and grabbed his backpack, dusting it off before handing it back to its owner who snatched it a little too quickly.
“What's wrong? Are you getting nervous?” Shang Chao asked as both of them sat down.
Yes I am, but not for the reason you're thinking.
“A little…”
Shang Chao rests a hand on Yang Cheng's shoulder and looks him straight in the eyes. “You don't have to, it's not like I'm gonna suddenly hate you after this.” Honestly Yang Cheng would rather if he did.
Once his hand left his shoulder Yang cheng looked down to take a look at the drinks Shang Chao ordered. Shang Chao got himself a strawberry coconut drink while he got Yang Cheng a… “Signature black boba milktea..”
Shang Chao looked at Yang Cheng and saw him staring at the boba tea he got for him. “Oh yeah, I didn't know what you wanted so I tried to get you something that I thought you might like. Not your taste?”
“No it's…” Yang Cheng smiled, “It's actually my favorite.”
“Oh. Thats good…” Shang Chao said in a soft tone as he gazed off to the side. And if Yang Cheng’s eyes weren't deceiving him, Shang Chao looked a bit shy himself, which was a weird look on him. Shang Chao was confident, optimistic, able to face what lay ahead! Never showing any sign of nervousness. Even though he could have easily played the rich kid who relied on his fathers wealth, he instead was a hard worker, always finding opportunities to gain more experience. Afterall, he was planning to be an entrepreneur after all, wanting to start his own hero agency.
So it was a new sight to see someone as charismatic as Shang Chao to actually look a bit nervous.
“So…about my answer—”
“How about Xia Qing!” Yang Cheng blurted out before Shang Chao could even finish.
Shang Chao's refined eyebrows furrowed, looking at Yang Cheng like he doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. “...What?”
“Don't you like her? Why would you even consider my confession if you have someone else you like? The answer is already obvious…” Yang Cheng intertwined his fingers together, his stature seeming small before the man in front of him.
Shang Chao paused, processing the other man's words. Then he smiled, piercing the straw through the plastic top of the drink and taking a sip out of it before answering. “Yeah, but she already rejected me.”
Silence.
“Huh?”
“Yeah.” Shang Chao idly stirs the inside of the drink with his straw, watching the boba pearls floating along with the movement in circles within the cup. “The thing is I confessed to her months ago, but she turned me down because she's too busy watching over her little brother while her parents are overseas.” Yang Cheng's mouth hung slightly open, staring at Shang Chao like some moron who didn't catch a single word he said. So in the end I never had a chance with her at all?
Shang Chao looked outside the window with a distant look, almost melancholy. Yang Cheng couldn't help that tiny bit of sadness he felt for him. “And also because she didn't feel the same way did for her...” Yang Cheng hated how overjoyed he felt when he heard that before he realized how messed up it was to be rejoicing over another person's misery.
Wait… If someone like Shang Chao wasn't within her interests then I don't stand a chance! Even if I did she still has the look over her little brother thing!
Yang Cheng wanted to bang his head against the wall until he forgot his own name. It was a good thing he didn't actually send that text to Xia Qing, he'd probably end up being a depressed trainwreck if she rejected him. He wouldn't be able to face her at all! Yang Cheng actually finds it admirable how Shang Chao was still able to talk to her after all that.
Yang Cheng snapped out of his thoughts as he listened to Shang Chao continue. “I was gonna reject you politely, but then I remembered how Xia Qing rejected me. I understood why she did it, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel a bit selfish. I wished she would have at least considered how I felt. So I decided I would consider yours. And—”
Say no, please say no!
“I want to try.”
NOOOOOOOoooooo…..
“I know that I might be getting your hopes up, but we don't know whether or not I'll end up developing feelings and eventually like you back in the end. Besides, I think you're nice."—He really isn't—”I have been interested in befriending you for some time but I guess dating you would make us even closer. So what do you say?” Shang Chao looked at Yang Cheng and flashed him a small smile, the sorrowful atmosphere dissolving in an instant. “Wanna give it a go?”
Say no! Tell him now that this was all a misunderstanding. An accidental message!
Shang Chao expectantly smiles at him, ready for whatever answer he gives, always patient with Yang Cheng like he always was whenever they talked. At that moment Yang Cheng suddenly thought of how nice Shang Chao was. Shang Chao was kind, even to some nobody like him. Other than Xia Qing, he was the only other person who seemed to care about Yang Cheng, to actually make the effort to try and get to know him. Yang Cheng wants to hate him! But… he cant…
Yang Cheng lifted the corners of his lips into an awkward smile and without realizing it, said the complete opposite of what he actually wanted to say this entire time. “Sure…”
YANG CHENG YOU COWARD!!!!
Even if Shang Chao’s smile only widened a fraction, his already bright aura seemed to overflow with brilliance, almost blinding Yang Cheng. “Great! I can't wait. Better steal my heart Yang Cheng!” Shang Chao winked at Yang Cheng who blushed, catching him by surprise. He did not expect that at all!
Shang Chao casually stood up and excused himself to the comfort room, leaving the now blushing Yang Cheng and the two boba teas that have already formed droplets.
Yang Cheng stared and blinked for a few more seconds at the direction Shang Chao vanished to, then proceeded to do what he always does: internally scream at himself.
What have I gotten myself into!?!?!
Oh my God… I have a boyfriend!!!
And he's Shang Chao!?!?
A mental image of an effortlessly handsome Shang Chao freely smiling at him appeared in the forefront of his mind, followed by visions of him and Yang Cheng holding hands, going on dates, cuddling each other, taking a stroll down the park, watching movies, and kissin—
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—
“I didn't know you fancied men.” Yang Cheng's mental crisis was halted to an abrupt stop as he finally remembers that Uncle Rock was there the entire time, listening in on every word they said.
Just kill me. Just kill me now.