Chapter Text
We pan to the gates of Heaven. Then they open and show the streets in Heaven. The winding roads leading to store fronts and houses and apartment buildings. Then we pan to a very large building. It's extravagant and opulent with intricate carvings and depictions of events like the great flood and the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. We then see the grand double doors open revealing Jesus Christ.
"What a beautiful morning. Time to go talk to Sera." Jesus then begins walking down the steps of the building towards another big building further down the road. The building that Jesus just left from is his massive palace. It's an ancient palace. Built 2 thousand years ago.
Jesus then walks down some more steps to a courtyard and keeps walking past that to a big building that's a few hundred yards away from his palace. He then runs up the steps leading up to the building entrance and opens the big double doors. He walks down the foyer and then keeps walking down the halls. Once he reaches another set of doors he enters the doors and walks up to a desk. Behind the big desk is none other than Sera the high seraphim.
"Good morning love. You mentioned you want to talk to me about something important?" Jesus said.
"Yes Jesus, I want to talk to you about a new program that the higher ups have proposed. It's an espionage program." Sara said.
"Okay, so like being a spy? What do you want me to do about it?" Jesus said.
"Well, you see? It is like a spy program. Also, we want you to be the secret agent to spy on Hell. I want you to know that if you do agree to do this, we will support you completely." Sara said.
"I'll do it. It sounds exciting. Is there anything else I should know?" Jesus said.
"Yes, we will want you to infiltrate a certain company. It's called I.M.P. or Immediate Murder Professionals. It is a company that kills humans that wronged sinners. It is imperative that you gain their trust and find out information about them. Now, I do believe you need the address. It's 666 Imp Street, Imp City." Sara said.
Jesus takes out his phone and jots down the information on his notepad app and saves it. "Alright, so should I go there now or?" Said Jesus.
"Yes, you should go there now. You might have to ask for a job with them. That way you can be in there without them questioning you." Sara said.
“Okay I’ll be going now. I’ll keep in contact to tell you what I find out about those demons.” Jesus said.
“Good good well I’ll be expecting your calls. Goodbye Jesus.” Sara said.
“Alright, bye girl.” Jesus said.
Jesus then waves goodbye and turns around and walks away. He then walks down the hall and extends his hand out in front of him and teleports to Hell. Specifically Imp City. Jesus then snaps his fingers and his robes are changed into some street wear. Red Polo shirt, blue Wrangler jeans, black Nike sneakers, Levi leather belt, and puma black socks.
“This should be good enough of a disguise. Now where is that building?” Jesus then does a motion with his hands and in Jesus’s vision we see a blue neon light showing a trail that leads to the building. Then Jesus walks down the sidewalks that leads to the building. As Jesus walks down the sidewalk he sees many imps, sinner, succubus, incubus, and many other different types of demons.
After about 20 minutes of walking Jesus reaches the building. 666 Imp Street, then Jesus walks up to the front door and opens it. Then he walks into the building and looks at the front wall that has office name tags. He reads them down and finds the I.M.P. office and sees that it’s on the 7th floor. Jesus then passes a succubus that’s sleeping at the front desk and walks over to the elevator and presses the button and waits for the elevator.
Once the elevator dings and the door slides open and Jesus walks into the elevator. He then brushes his long brown hair to his right shoulder and presses the 7th floor button and it dings again and the door slides closed and the elevator goes up. Jesus waits and listens to the elevator Jazz music.
After a brief moment the elevator stops at the 7th floor and the elevator dings and the door slides open again. Jesus walks out of the elevator and walks down the hall. He passes a couple of doors and finds the right door. It reads I.M.P. Headcorters there’s also a piece of paper taped to the door that reads “meeting in progress”. Jesus knocks on the door a few times. Then he waits.
It takes about a minute for the door to open revealing a tall hellhound girl. She’s wearing a grey crop top with the chest strings in the shape of a pentagram, fingerless gloves, black mini shorts with a crescent moon on the sides, toeless thigh high stockings, and a spiked chocker.
“What do you want? We’re kinda in the middle of a meeting.” The female hellhound says.
Jesus stands up straight and smiles at her. “I’m here to get a job. Is your boss available?” Jesus says.
The female hellhound scoffs and crosses her arms. “Yeah he’s here, but he’s pretty busy right now. I’ll let him know you’re looking for him. Come in.” She says and moves to the side so that the new guy can walk into the office lobby.
Jesus walks into the office lobby and keeps walking until he reaches one of the far walls. Then he leans against the far wall and waits for the boss to show up.
The female hellhound walks past him and keeps walking towards the meeting room door. She then knocks on the door and waits.
The door opens and out peeks Blitz. “What is it Loonie?”
“There’s a guy who wants a job. He looks like a human.” She says.
“A human!? What the fuck is a human doing in hell!? Let me see this guy!” Blitz yelled and walked out of the meeting room and kept walking until he was face-to-face with the guy. “Okay who the fuck are you!? Are you a human!?” He yells again.
“I’m Josh. Josh Barker. I’m not a human. I’m a sinner demon.” Jesus said calmly.
“A sinner demon? You don’t look like a sinner demon. What do you want?” Blitz asked.
“I’m looking for work. I heard you guys are hiring assassins. Can I get a job here?” Jesus asks.
“Okay, uhhhhh…. What are your qualifications?” Blitz asked.
“I know advanced magic. I can effectively use guns of any kind and I’m good in hand to hand combat.” Jesus said.
“Uh-huh you can do all that? You’re not just fibbing are you?” Blitz asked.
“I’m not fibbing. I can do all that and then some. I’m pretty much good at everything. Tech, scouting, killing you name it.” Jesus said.
“Alright, alright. If you can do all that then give us a demonstration of your fighting skills with uhhhhhh… Loonie you wanna handle this guy?” Blitz said.
“Sure thing da- I mean Blitz. Come on scrawny boy! Give me your best shot!” Loona said with a cocky grin.
I walk up to Loona and stretch a bit. Then I square up and get in a southpaw fighting stance. I then punch her hard in the gut. Then I flip around and kick her head hard and she hits the ground hard and instantly she’s knocked out cold. I look a bit worried that I ruined my chances at employment. Clearly Loona is close to Blitz. I run up to her and try to act surprised and I try to hold her and rub her head. I could easily heal her and make her conscious again, but that would give me away.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! You trying to kill my daughter?! Just get out!! NOW!!” Blitz was obviously furious that I hurt his daughter.
“I’m sorry. I was trying to be gentle and I ended up getting carried away. But I did what you told me to do. Shouldn’t I get a chance to work here?!” Jesus said.
“Why should I?! You could have given her brain damage!! I should kill your twig ass!” Blitz yelled.