Chapter Text

Bucky had lost Steve, because of course he fucking had. The guy was slippery, like an eel. A huge, blonde eel. If there was a hint of trouble Steve would be off like a bloodhound promised a T-bone steak.

“You seen a guy?” Bucky asked one of the guys leaning at the bar with feigned nonchalance and a little annoyance. “Tall, blonde, looks a bit like what you’d imagine Adonis would have if he’d had access to protein powder and an unbreakable smith machine.”

The guy gave him a look and Bucky pulled his phone out with a pout of annoyance.

“This guy.” He showed him his lock screen.

“The blonde?”

“Well yeah, I’m the brunette. I’m not exactly gonna be looking for myself, am I?”

The girl beside him looked too.

“He’s hot.”

Bucky moved onto the next girl. “Seen him?” A shrug.

The next, “Seen him?” No. The next.

“Yeah. Did him a month or two ago.”

Bucky pulled to a stop from where he’d been going to just walk on by if he didn’t get a positive answer.

“Did? Him?”

The guy grinned. “Fuck I knew he had a boyfriend. Got a call and seemed guilty as hell.”

Bucky just stared at him in confusion.

“Come on mate, he’s super hot. Can’t trust anyone that hot.”

“Look, I trust Steve,” Bucky said, breaking in though he had no idea about this side of Steve’s life. “I mean not to keep himself out of trouble, or to leave me some chocolate ice cream, but anyway, not the point, what the hell man?”

The guy’s grin only widened. He was enjoying this far too much.

“He’s a good lay. Woulda gone back for seconds, but of course he’s got better things to do.” He looked Bucky up and down. “And now I get why. You ever want some payback…?”

Bucky recoiled. “The fuck man. I’m not going to cheat on Steve.” Mainly because they weren’t a couple, but just also, never.

“Aw don’t be jealous, love. Just get even. I mean he’s not all that, except… that thigh tattoo. And back dimples. I would fill them with-”

“Whoa, whoa dude. No. Dude, just no.”

“Oh come on, you find it hot.”

“No. Definitely fucking not. In fact my cock has just shrivelled up and died listening to just how un-fucking-hot you are.”

He shoved away from the bar, deciding he’d be better off just looking for Steve by himself. He was pretty sure he was nowhere in the club so he went outside and as soon as the cold air hit him so did the revelation. Steve had fucked a guy, or been fucked, whatever, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Steve had sex. And more importantly Steve had sex with a man. Just like Bucky. Bucky was a man. He did the maths in his head multiple times and the answer always came out as Steve/Bucky, or Bucky/Steve. He didn’t care, as long as they both ended up on the same side of the equation.

So when Steve appeared from down the street Bucky could only stare at him like a complete idiot.

“Did someone slip you something in there?” Steve asked with a chuckle as he slapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

He had a split second to make his choice. One) Ask. Two) Throw himself bodily at Steve and hope it would be reciprocated. Three) Beg. Four) Come up with some elaborate scheme to tell Steve he knew and somehow get them together, preferably with a bed, sans clothes, a little drunk because hell Bucky was not going to be able to hold his nerve and not break down like a fool otherwise.

If he was honest with himself One was out the window. Two was terrifying. Three seemed doable.

Four was the most likely. In all honesty there’d never been another option. Bucky knew himself well enough to know two things. One) that if he ever had a chance with Steve Rogers he was going to grab it with both hands and have to be surgically removed. Two) He was a fucker and had to do everything in the most ridiculous, over the top way possible.

“Na,” he smiled up at Steve from his place slumped against the wall. “But I think I’m done. I wanna go home, watch a film. Come with?”

Steve looked back towards the club. It was a busy night, girls hung around the door giggling at the sight of him. He’d have no trouble finding someone to go home with. Not that Bucky had ever seen Steve do that before. Except he obviously had if the douche at the bar hadn’t been lying. He wouldn’t have known about the tattoo any other way though. Bucky had only been able to get a hasty glance himself and he’d been in the fucking shop when it happened.

“Sure, Buck. Whatever you want.”

Ohhh that was the opening he needed, but he let it slip away from him because he wasn’t simple (read: coward). He wanted, but he wanted to do it right more. Well, not right, just in the way that was most him. Which was stupid, but he was who he was. Drunkenly stupid.

“Buck?”

Steve was close, a normal amount of close but that seemed almost too much. Bucky swayed slightly and Steve took his arm.

“I was joking before but you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

Steve’s large very blue eyes searched his face. “Maybe you should go to bed, get some sleep?”

“Will you come?”

“Sure.”

He took Bucky’s arm, helping him along as he had a hundred times before when Bucky had been a bit too worse for wear and needed a hand to walk straight. Usually he’d resist but ultimately let Steve walk him back safely, Steve never seeming too drunk. Maybe he paced himself better. Maybe it was just because he was built like a brick shit house. Tonight though Bucky let himself lean into him.

***

Bucky fell asleep half way through the movie. Steve had known he would. For all Bucky pretended to like Oscar winners there simply weren't enough explosions or shouted declarations of love over fiery canyons for him. It had been a good choice and now he was collapsed beside Steve, having drifted down so his head was pillowed on Steve’s lap.

He’d been acting strange since Steve had lost him that evening, tired maybe but there was little that could take out Bucky’s exuberant energy. Now though he slept like a baby, cuddled into Steve as he ran his fingers through his hair, swirling patterns onto his scalp.

He had never loved anyone more. He’d known it since he was a child, that there were friends, family and then there was Bucky. Always, over and above all others. He hadn’t known what that meant at first, that it was romantic, but it had always been something so big it was almost indefinable.

Now he had him, in every way but the way he wanted him.

Sometimes he thought perhaps, but then others no. Bucky had been different since he came back from the war. Before he’d chased after half the girls in their area and flirted with all the guys. Steve wasn’t sure if that was because he flirted with everyone, or if it was a game, or if he was actually interested. He could barely dream.

Since the war though he hadn’t really looked at anyone. He went through the motions but Steve could tell the difference. He was still as fun and lively as ever, but there was a hard stop to him whenever anyone got too close. Girls would flirt and he’d go so far, but then he’d just turn it off, like a switch. Guys would try to play the game but suddenly Bucky would turn to Steve and grin, forgetting about them in an instant.

Before, Steve hadn’t been ready, he hadn’t understood relationships or love or even want. A small kid, who turned into a lanky teen. He’d begun putting on muscle by the time Bucky had been deployed, but the army still wouldn’t take him. He knew Bucky had been glad and he’d been upset even though he knew it was because Bucky had been scared for him. He hated being treated like a sick little kid. Except Bucky had returned and he hadn’t even spoken, just threw himself into Steve’s arms and clutched him like he was his lifeline. They’d always been close, but that day Steve had felt like they were one.

Nothing had changed in the past year, just that Bucky had decided he wasn’t interested in sex or relationships and that had left more time than ever for him to hang around Steve. He wasn’t complaining, well he was, but if that was all Bucky wanted to offer then he’d bite his hand off.