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They decided to finally take that step, Carter thought she was ready, after all the thing that could be called her ‘first time’ happened years ago even if she still had nightmares about it. Their sister and Richard were the first ones to learn this and later the person who hurt them went missing and her body was never found. There were signs of someone breaking into her apartment and some blood stains, but no one found the corpse. The dreamer himself actually preferred to call sleeping with Harley his “first time” even though he wasn’t a virgin anymore, as it was the first time he wanted to do stuff like this with people.
As they took off their clothes and sat down on the bed next to each other Randolph’s heart began to race and her breathing became sharp and quick, her body suddenly very stiff. It was so similar to that conversion therapy camp, it was like she was 13 again.
“Are you alright?” Warren asked, seeing her distress which apparently showed on their face.
“Yes. Keep going.” She was a terrible liar, but wanted to take that step in a relationship, even if she wasn’t ready. They were afraid they didn’t really love their partner if they couldn’t give themself to him after many years of dating.
“I see you’re not comfortable. Do you need to tell me something?”
“I’m probably just nervous!”
“If you say so.”
But then everything went wrong as the pianist put his hand on the dreamer’s thigh. Suddenly it wasn't Harley anymore, but her. It was her hand, her face smiling at him, her voice telling him to be quiet and not tell anyone. It was her hand - not Warren’s - that moved in between their legs.
“Don’t touch me!” She screamed, pushing the hand away and herself moving to the head of the bed, far from her lover. Only they still saw the teacher in his place. She pulled up her legs with her knees under her chin and wrapped her arms around them.
They started to repeat:
“Go away, go away, go away!” over and over again. He was now breathing quickly and heavily, with his heart beating rapidly.
This was happening again, she was with them again, years older than them, trying to teach them how they were supposed to do things in the bedroom, how they were supposed to be a man. Or at least that was the excuse she used. She was touching them again, she was watching them again, as they were forced to have sex with a very reluctant girl to make both teens straight. She was watching once more to make sure they are intimate with each other correctly. Another likely excuse. Especially considering the fact that the dreamer didn't have the right anatomy for it.
“Randolph, are you alright?” Warren asked. Getting no answer beside another “go away!” he said:
“It’s alright, you’re safe” he did his best to sound as calm as possible.
“I’m Harley, your boyfriend. We’re in our house in Boston. You won’t get hurt, the person that hurt you is not here anymore. You’re not at the camp anymore.”
She was still terrified, but the person sounded reassuring.
“You’re safe now, they can’t hurt you anymore. It's alright.” Harley said and then continued:
“Please, try to breathe. In and out. In for seven, hold for six, out for five.” He raised his hands and moved his fingers counting down seconds, synchronising them with his breathing.
“One, two, three…” Carter drew in a long breath, held it and then let it out, according to the instructions. They were safe. She wasn’t at the camp anymore.
Warren reached out for the plushie he got his partner a year prior which laid in the foot of the bed.
“Look, you remember when I got you this? Can you describe it to me?”
They took the toy which was slowly passed to them, stopping the breathing exercise for a moment to speak. The toy she got from the person she loved.
“It’s soft and squishy. And beige. It looks like a small dog.” They now hugged the toy tightly, holding onto it. It was his, he got it as a gift after he was finally far from danger.
After a few minutes of deep, slow breaths it became more and more clear they were actually safe and the person in front of them was their boyfriend and not the teacher. He kept breathing slowly for the next few minutes until he felt completely calm.
“Are you alright now, Carter?”
“I think so. Thank you.”
“You should get help. You clearly need some kind of treatment.”
“Not really, maybe we can try again next time?”
“No. Not until you get help, physical intimacy is clearly triggering for you.”
“But I can take you on, I know I can if I try hard enough!” tears started to appear in her silver eyes.
“But you don’t have to try, even for me! And I don’t want to hurt you! Please, let me help you!”
“But I want to show you that I love you! To prove my feelings for you!” Their voice started to crack. “I should be able to just let you do things to me and try to not think about it! Isn’t that what love looks like?! You take me regardless of how I feel about it?!”
“Carter, listen! You’re not supposed to ‘just get through it’, it should be something we both want and enjoy! No one should ever touch you without your permission. Not for any greater good, not because they want to have you, not because someone told you to have them. You can always say no, even to the people you are dating.”
She sniffled and asked:
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He paused then continued:
“And I will get you professional help before we try again.”
The blonde dreamer stopped crying after a longer while, sniffled once more and reluctantly said:
“If you insist.”
“Do you need a hug?”
“No. Don’t touch me now.”
“Okay. Do you want to get dressed?”
“Yes.”
The pianist got out of bed and passed the dreamer their clothes. He too began to put his pants back on.
After they were fully dressed they both sat at the bed, still keeping some distance from one another. Randolph still held onto the toy, squeezing it against her chest as she sat cross legged in front of her lover.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do it, I don’t know what happened.” he said. “I wish I could just…!”
“It’s alright, princess. If you’re not ready, I’m not upset or anything. You don’t owe me anything because we’re in a relationship. Not your time, not your body, not any kind of sex.”
“That’s… nice.”
“We can take stuff at a slower pace if you need it. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Thank you.”
***
A few years earlier
***
The woman walked into her house and locked the door. She suddenly sensed someone’s presence. She turned around to see another woman and a tall man, but something about them seemed off, like they weren't quite human.
“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?!”
“You hurt my sibling.” the nonhuman woman said instead of answering. “You will pay”.
In the next few seconds the teacher was tossed against the floor, her bones broken and her skin cut. She didn’t even see what hurt her before her skull was crushed.
Alyda stood up from the body, panting. She was covered in the blood of the female predator she just murdered. The changeling bent down to the body to take it for his family, as he couldn’t get rid of the remains on his own. Getting home safely will be hard, but at least the evil woman paid for her crimes.
Winthrop’s sister was safe and the teacher couldn’t hurt him anymore. The demon smiled. She did a great job protecting Randolph.
***
Years later
***
After running away from home, getting a diagnosis, some medication and over nine years of therapy Carter was finally able to be intimate with her boyfriends. Not only that, she realised her desires mattered too. Any of the three people could initiate and pause, stop or slow down at any time. It was wonderful.
She learned to listen to her body and not ignore her needs and that people who are good for her will respect her boundaries. They weren't unlovable for saying “no”. He learned that what happened at the camp wasn’t his fault, even if he believed it for years. It took a long time to get there, but it was worth it.
They also learned that not only did they not have to be a man, there was no one way to do such a thing, and there was nothing wrong with having an intersex body. Just like Warren wasn't any less of a man for taking testosterone and choosing to have a breast lift instead of a mastectomy and just like Richard opted to not have a phalloplasty, she didn't need any surgeries to make her body fit either sex. The dreamer could just be himself.
She now had many ways to cope and found ways to be safely intimate with Harley and Pickman.
She was happy.