Archive of Our Own

In the Great List of Incredibly, Terrifyingly, Horribly Bad Ideas, having thirteen Dwarves keeping a poor pregnant Hobbit company in the Shire, must rank quite near the top. 

Perhaps even the top ten, Bilbo thought, with a mixture of affection and exasperation.  He really should have known better.  After winning the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen from his Dwarf, not to mention a rather good snogging session that had quickly gone on to Other Very Interesting Things that still made Bilbo blush and think very Naughty Thoughts at the most inappropriate times of the day, Thorin had decreed that they would be staying in the Shire.  The King Under the Mountain was determined not to drag his beloved, currently pregnant Consort, who had already suffered a miscarriage once, on what would be an arduous journey back to Erebor. 

And if Thorin had once muttered some things about “Hobbits and their terrifying ability to puppy-eye poor, beleaguered Kings into bending to their will”  - this had absolutely nothing on the ability of Certain Dwarves of Durin’s Line who could “pout their way past the defenses of poor sensible Hobbits.”  According to everyone else, this was actually the other way around, but Bilbo knew better.

Valar help them all if the little one currently residing beneath Bilbo’s heart managed to inherit this from both of them.  Middle-earth would not stand a chance.  

So the idea was that the majority of their party, which included the Kingsguard, would be sent back to Erebor, bearing messages and instructions for Thorin’s sister Dis, who would be running the Kingdom while Thorin and Bilbo were away.  Of course, it was one thing to have an Idea and another to actually carry it out. 

Fili and Kili would not hear of being sent back to Erebor and miss out on their little cousin’s arrival.  And quite frankly, Bilbo was completely unable to resist sandwich hugs, which were given a little more gently to avoid “squashing our baby cousin!” from the Princes.  Plus there was the matter of Kili giving Bilbo his version of puppy-eyes and pout and a “Please, ‘Adadith?”  

Bilbo honestly could not be expected to resist that. 

It has been asked, by the Gentle Readers of Previous Tales about the Adventures of Our Favorite Dwarves and Hobbit, if Bilbo was already aware of Certain Matters, especially ones pertaining to Durin the Deathless and the current Head of his House, Thorin.    Let us just say that Bilbo and Thorin had long spoken about family histories and stories and discussed Certain Realizations and came to an Agreement. 

Bilbo was and still remains a Hobbit of Good Hobbit Sense, despite his propensity for adventuring.  The Past is in the Past and there’s not much to change about that.  He is rather perfectly content with his Present and finds much to look forward to with his Future and that will be the end of that discussion. 

Well that and indulging Fili and Kili on the occasions that they want to call Bilbo ‘Adadith, instead of Uncle.

Dwalin, being the Kingsguard, would not hear about leaving King and Consort alone in the Shire, no matter if the only Hobbits around who might even present the closest possibility of a threat were the Sackville-Bagginses.  When asked about going back to Erebor to help Dis, Balin opened his eyes wide and said,  “Laddie, surely you wouldn’t begrudge our presence when your little one and our future prince or princess arrives in this world?”

Apparently, Durin Puppy Eyes and Pout extended to cousins as well. 

And since Balin spoke for the rest of the Company - Bilbo would be spending the rest of his pregnancy with his rowdy family of thirteen Dwarves and quite frankly, he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Of course, there was the matter of keeping thirteen Dwarves occupied and not constantly underfoot. 

Naturally, everything started with Thorin.  Early on, Bilbo had very quickly learned that there was no Dwarf who, one way or the other, didn’t have some sort of skill related to building, engineering, architecture, smithing, crafting or creating things.  Thorin was no different.  He started taking stock of Bag End, appreciating the skill and craft and evident love that Bungo Baggins had put into the building of this smial but of course there were repairs that needed to be done and improvements to be made and Thorin went into this with a will.

When Bilbo mildly protested this, Thorin pointed out that they did have thirteen Dwarves underfoot and it was fortunate that Bungo Baggins had planned for the expansion of Bag End long ago.  It just never happened because Belladonna never had any other children after Bilbo and while she loved her only son dearly, Bilbo had known his mother had keenly felt the longing to give Bungo more children and Bilbo some siblings of his own. 

Thorin and Balin went over the plans of Bag End that Bungo had left behind, Bofur and Bifur checked on the stability of the hill and ensured that further tunneling and expansion was both safe and feasible and thus it was that the renovation of Bag End was undertaken by Thorin and Company.

Most people (read: Bilbo) would have laughed and remarked that it was Thorin who somehow got the nesting instincts.  Thorin simply looked down that elegant Durin nose of his and sniffed that he was simply being practical.  Naturally, said elegant Durin nose got a kiss from one very amused and affectionate Hobbit. 

Fili and Kili both had a knack for decoration and design and Bilbo had to admit blinking away tears of joy when they showed him the nursery for their future cousin.  Bofur and Bifur had contributed a goodly number of toys.  Ori had knitted baby clothes as well as wee little mittens, booties and hats.  Dori had actually sewn some baby clothes as well and both Ri brothers had thoughtfully given nods to hobbity design, which Bilbo appreciated.  

Bombur helped Bilbo in the kitchen and Nori made sure their pantry was always restocked.  In fact, these two particular Dwarves ended up being rather popular among the Hobbits.  Bombur’s love of food and skill at cooking was something most Hobbits could relate to.  Nori seemed to have some sort of business or the other going on, probably related to wagering, though Bilbo begged him to not do anything that would get them all run out of the Shire. 

When he wasn’t helping with the renovations at Bag End, Dwalin was absolutely excellent in being a visible deterrent against unwanted visitors (read: the Sackville-Bagginses).  Bilbo still cherishes the moment when Dwalin literally threw Otho out of Bag End.  And much later, whatever Nori had been doing became a lot more understandable.  It was Nori, however, being the excellent Spymaster that he was, who successfully managed to gain Certain Information that would ensure that neither Otho nor Lobelia would dare show their faces at Bag End or make any further claims upon BIlbo’s home. 

Ori was promptly adopted by a goodly number of Bilbo’s relatives as they had all concluded that the scholarly Dwarf was a “sweet, dear lad.”  This may have something to do with the fact that it was Ori who had given Lobelia Sackville-Baggins a very public dressing-down when said hobbit lady made the mistake of speaking ill of Bilbo in the marketplace.  People often forgot that there was a temper lurking beneath Ori’s generally shy and gentle demeanor.    

And so it was, by some miracle of Aule and Yavanna, that thirteen Dwarves managed to occupy themselves quite usefully without driving one poor, pregnant Hobbit spare. 

“Spare, my love?”  Thorin had asked, raising a brow as he read over Bilbo’s shoulder.  Because, of course, Bilbo was occupying himself by writing all the stories that he would be telling his little one about their incorrigible Family. 

“And incorrigible?  Surely we’re not as bad as all that?”

“Stop reading!”  Bilbo chided, swatting at his husband.  “It’s not ready yet.”

“You’ll be giving our child a terrible impression of his other father, cousins and uncles. And he has yet to meet them properly.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes.  “Or she might at least know what she’s getting into and be properly prepared.”  He giggled at the look on Thorin’s face and carefully stood up to kiss the disgruntled expression out of his husband. 

In what was becoming habit, Thorin’s hands drifted down to caress the slowly growing bulge of Bilbo’s belly.  There was always a look of such reverent wonder in Thorin’s eyes when he did so, though sometimes, there would be sadness and a little fear as well. 

There was such a look on Thorin’s face now.  Well, Bilbo knew how to take care of that.  Tenderly, he caressed Thorin’s jaw, fingers gently curling against the scratch of beard, which Thorin kept short even now.  Bilbo knew why, of course and perhaps, there would come a day when Thorin could set aside mourning and guilt.  It wasn’t something that could be rushed though. 

“I love you,” Bilbo said simply.  “And our little one loves you.  It will be all right, you know.”

Thorin turned his head and pressed a kiss into Bilbo’s palm.  “I should be telling you that instead.” 

“We are supposed to take turns,” Bilbo said loftily.  “It’ll be your turn later when I get my own nerves all frazzled.  Which would be in the next…. oh, perhaps an hour?”  He looked wryly down at his belly.  “Probably when this one decides not to let me sleep by using my insides for a football.” 

Thorin laughed and drew Bilbo close.  “I will sing our little one a lullaby then.  Would that serve, my heart?”

Bilbo smiled.  “Sing for us later then, my King.  That would be perfect.”

And so everything was indeed as perfect as it could be.

At least until the Mersday that Bilbo received a formal invitation from the Thain to bring his Dwarf family so that they could spend some time with their Took cousins. 

Tookland would never be the same.  Not after the arrival of Fili and Kili. 

- end -