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Ilya Rozanov would not consider himself a jealous person. That was until he met Shane Hollander.
Shane Hollander is the love of his life, and Ilya will go to the ends of the earth to show Shane just how much he means to him.
Ilya tries not to be jealous of the people that Shane has slept with because Ilya has slept with hundreds of people in his life. But Shane isn’t like that. He doesn’t sleep with just anyone. He sleeps with people that he has feelings for. At least that’s what Ilya thought until he found something out about Shane and Hayden through J.J.
It wasn’t like J.J. was trying to sabotage their relationship. He genuinely thought that Ilya knew.
“Shane and Hayden are still thicker than thieves,” J.J. said, approaching Ilya at the NHL honors banquet. The two were standing at the bar watching Shane joke with Hayden and a few of his old teammates (the ones he got along with at least). “I don’t think I could be close with someone that I used to fuck.”
Ilya was in the middle of drinking his glass of vodka when J.J. said it.
Ilya ended up with shoes covered in vodka when he dropped the drink that was in his hands.
“What do you mean?” Ilya asked, trying not to convey too much emotion. J.J. looked at Ilya with a startled look and said, “Never mind. Forget that I said anything.”
Ilya knew that J.J. was telling the truth based on the look that he sent the Russian before he excused himself and went to talk to Hayden and Shane.
“What the fuck,” Ilya thought to himself before he ordered another glass of cheap vodka and waited for it to be done.
He drinks the vodka like it is a shot before he heads over to where Shane, Jackie, and Hayden are talking. He grabs a hold of Shane’s arm and whispers, “We need to go,” in his ear. Shane shakes his head and hisses, “We are in the middle of a conversation.”
Ilya looks at Shane with a pleading look, knowing that he is not above begging to get his fiance to do what he wants. No one except Hayden, J.J., Shane’s parents, Svetlana, and a few of Ilya’s teammates knows that the two are in a relationship, so Ilya doesn’t want to draw too much attention to them. Besides, he might cry if he has to wait here much longer without knowing if what J.J. said was true.
“Please,” Ilya whines, giving Shane a set of puppy dog eyes that the brunet has never been able to say no to. “I want to go back to our hotel. It’s getting stuffy in here.”
Shane apologizes to J.J., Hayden, and Jackie before he walks with Ilya out of the building. Their car is valeted, so they wait in the doorway for Ilya’s Benz to pull up. “You’re acting weird right now. What’s wrong?”
Ilya balls his hands into a fist and takes a few deep breaths, which is what his therapist suggests to do when he is feeling angry. Ilya hasn’t felt this angry in a while, but he doesn’t really have a reason to be. He doesn’t even know for sure.
“Is something J.J. said. Will talk when we get back to our hotel.”
“No,” Shane says with a pout. “I want to talk about it now.”
“If we talk about it now, I will get angry, and I will not be able to drive us back to the hotel,” Ilya admits when their car pulls up, and the valet tosses Ilya’s keys to him. “Is nothing to worry about right now.”
But the truth is, it is something to worry about. It is gnawing at him, and he wants to know what J.J. meant by it. Knowing that Shane slept with a few people when Ilya was ignoring him is bad enough, but the assumption that Shane and Hayden slept together is even worse. He isn’t sure that he could look at Hayden without wanting to punch him if what J.J. said is true. Hayden is married anyway, so J.J. is probably fabricating what happened between them.
The car ride is silent, and every time Shane tries to engage in conversation, Ilya ignores him. He isn’t trying to be mean, but his thoughts are racing at a mile a minute.
He needs to get Shane up to their suite so they can talk about it without prying ears listening in on their conversation.
Thankfully, their hotel isn’t too far away. When they pull up to the door, a person is waiting at the front door to valet their car. Ilya gets out of the car, throws his keys at the valet, and walks inside before Shane can even open his door.
The two stand in silence as the elevator makes its way from the penthouse suite down to the lobby. Shane wants to ask Ilya what’s wrong, but he fears that his fiance might start crying if he does. Whatever J.J. said is really weighing on Ilya, and he doesn’t know what J.J. could have said that would make Ilya act like this.
The only thing he can think of is…
Fuck, J.J. must have let it slip that Hayden and Shane slept together. Of course. That’s the only rational reason why Ilya would be acting like this.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, Shane thinks to himself when they step onto the elevator. Ilya was never supposed to find out about that. He already dislikes Hayden. So what is he going to think of him now? What is he going to think of Shane?
When they step into the hallway to their hotel room, Ilya pulls his hand away from Shane, who is trying to grab hold of it to reassure Ilya.
Ilya slams the key card into the slot and doesn’t even wait for it to turn green before he tries to open the door.
“You have to wait for it to turn green, baby,” Shane says, trying to ease the tension, but it only makes Ilya glare at him in frustration or annoyance.
When they get into the hotel room, Ilya starts to pace, which is something he does when he is deep in thought.
“Ilya, talk to me,” Shane says, trying to get the attention of his fiancée, “What’s going on?”
Ilya looks at Shane with tears starting to well in his eyes. Ughh, why did J.J. open his stupid mouth?
“J.J. told me something interesting when we were standing at the bar.”
Shane feels the color drain from his face when Ilya says that.
“What did he say?”
“He told me that you and Hayden fucked,” Ilya says, nearly fumbling his words when he says it. “I don’t want to believe it. You would never do something like that with a married man.”
Shane looks at Ilya with hurt written on his face. Ilya was never supposed to find out.
“Hayden came out as bisexual several years ago,” Shane admits, avoiding eye contact with Ilya. “Jackie knew that he had a crush on me, so she gave him permission to sleep with me. It was nothing other than a fun time between two friends. There were no feelings attached. Not like there was with you.”
Ilya would break a glass or his phone if he could. This is the worst-case scenario. His fiance not only slept with someone in the NHL, but it was his best friend, and the man that he talks to every day. He’s the godfather of Jackie and Hayden’s kid, for gods' sake.
“When did this happen?”
“It was years ago,” Shane reassures Ilya. It was when you were in Russia, and I was sad. “It was something we did to blow off steam. Then you and I became something more, and I ended it right then and there.”
“Wow, that’s noble of you,” Ilya barks, knowing deep down that he isn’t being fair to Shane. They were never exclusive. They were just blowing off steam…until they weren’t.
“You act like you haven’t slept with a close friend before. You slept with Svetlana multiple times, and she is one of your close friends,” Shane argues, feeling like Ilya is taking this way too far. “You’re being such a hypocrite right now.”
“Did you bottom or did he?”
“You’re unbelievable,” Shane screams, wishing he could be anywhere but here, having this conversation. “If you must know, I was the one who bottomed.”
Ilya feels himself go rigid. Not only did Shane sleep with Hayden, but he let Hayden fuck him.
“I can’t be here right now,” Ilya says, feeling like he is going to throw up if he looks at Shane any longer. The rational part of him isn’t sure why it’s such a big deal. They were not exclusive. Ilya slept with dozens of people when he was in Russia, so it’s not like Shane was supposed to stay celibate for him. It would be hypocritical for him to ask that of his fiance. But the idea that Hayden Pike got to sleep with Shane is disgusting him. He needs a cigarette--or maybe an entire pack--to calm himself down. “I’ll be back in a while, after I clear my head.”
Ilya leaves before Shane can stop him, which causes Shane to sink to the floor and start crying. He knew this was how Ilya would react, and that’s why he kept it a secret for so long.
Ilya asks the valet to bring him his car, and he drives to the nearest gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes. He needs to smoke. That’ll calm him down.
He wishes he could call his therapist right now, but it’s currently 2 am in Ottawa, and she is not available between 9 pm-8 am.
Ilya unlocks his phone and pulls up Svetlana’s contact. He clicks the chat button and sends her a message that reads “Are you awake?”
He sees three bubbles appear, and a second later, she says, “Go to bed.”
Ilya calls her immediately.
“Ilya,” Svetlana says when she picks up the phone. “What’s going on? Why are you calling so late? Aren’t you in Vancouver with Shane?”
“I have to talk to someone about this,” Ilya admits to his closest friend.
He takes a deep breath before he says, “Shane slept with Hayden Pike.”
If Svetlana was nearly sleeping, she is awake now.
“He’s cheating on you? I’ll fly there and strangle him with my bare hands.”
“No, he hasn’t cheated on me,” Ilya says, making sure that he says something before Svetlana books the first flight to Vancouver to slap Shane. “It was when I was in Russia and ignored him for six months.”
“Okay, so why is it a big deal then?”
“Because he slept with someone else,” Ilya admits. He knows he isn’t being rational right now, but he needs someone to take his side. “I cannot handle it, knowing that Hayden freaking Pike slept with my fiancé. God, even just saying that gives me the chills.
“Ilya, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you are an absolute hypocrite. How many times did you sleep with people when you were in Russia? Hell, how many times did you sleep with me?”
Ilya knows that he is being a hypocrite. But his brain isn’t being rational right now. All he can think of is his sweet fiance getting fucked by another man.
“Is different,” Ilya says. “You are woman. Is different than sleeping with a man.”
“Is it really? You guys weren’t exclusive. How was he supposed to know that he couldn’t have sex with someone else? You guys never had that talk with each other.”
Ilya knows that they were not exclusive. It’s his fault that they weren’t. He knew that Shane had feelings for him, but the pressure from Russia and his dad made him not want to admit that he had feelings for Shane too.
It took Scott freaking Hunter kissing his boyfriend on national TV for Ilya to even think that he could become something with Shane.
“You need to apologize to him right now, Ilya Rozanov. He’s probably upstairs, worried that you are breaking up with him or something. Just talk with him, please.”
“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? I wouldn’t want to talk to him if he did something like this.”
“Babe, Shane loves you. He will want to talk about it.”
“Okay, I am going upstairs to talk. I will keep you updated.”
“God, you better, or I will not talk to you anymore, Ilya Rozanov. Now I am going to bed. Please do not bother me again.”
Before Ilya can say anything more, Svetlana hangs up the phone.
Fuck, I need to talk to Shane, Ilya thinks when he stamps on his cigarette and makes his way back into the hotel.
When he gets up to the penthouse, he realizes that he does not have his key to get in.
He knocks on the door and calls out, “Shane, Moya Lyubov, can you open the door, please?”
Shane shouts from the other side of the door and says, “Go away, Ilya!”
“Please, baby, open the door. We need to talk. I’m sorry.”
After a few minutes of begging, Shane opens the door. He has red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, which tells Ilya that he was crying. Ilya made him cry.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I overreacted. I cannot be mad at you for sleeping with Hayden when I slept with Svetlana and so many others when we were apart. Is hypocritical of me.”
Ilya pulls Shane in for a hug, who starts crying harder into Ilya’s arms.
“Do you hate me?” Shane asks after a few minutes of silence, other than crying from Shane.
“Moya Lyubov. I could never hate you. I was just overreacting. I can hate Hayden, though.”
That causes Shane to laugh, which causes Ilya to smile widely.
“I love you so much,” Ilya says, grabbing Shane’s face in his hands and pulling him in for a breathtaking kiss. “I don’t know what I would do without you. Please forgive me.”
“Of course I forgive you,” Shane whispers before he presses a kiss to the tip of Ilya’s nose. “I understand why you reacted like that. I’m sorry I never told you.”
“There is nothing for you to be sorry about,” Ilya reassures his fiance. “We were not exclusive. I made a mistake by not responding to you for six months, so whoever you slept with during that time is none of my business. Even if it was with the worst player in the league.”
That earns a laugh from Shane.
“I love you,” Shane says, knowing that his fiance can be a very jealous person. He was so jealous of Rose Landry when they were dating for no longer than a month. He would text Shane, asking to meet up when he knew for damn sure that Shane was in a relationship. It affected him a lot more than he wanted to admit, especially for a hockey player who acted like nothing phased him on the ice.
“I love you more, Moya Lyubov.”