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Your hands shake as you try to get up again.
Darkness surrounds you. Your head pounds in time with your heart. A couple of your teeth feel loose when you push at them with your tongue, and you taste iron in your mouth. Your ribs feel funny every time you move, but none of those things are the real problem. The real problem is your arm. It sends electric fire up your body when you try to move it. You’re trying not to look at it. The last time you had let it enter your field of vision, it had looked bent in a way that didn’t seem fixable.
The Knight had done something to it. Your mind skips over it like one of your Mom’s old records when you try to think about it too hard. A slash, and then you were falling. You don’t know where you are now. You don’t remember hitting the ground. You had passed out from the pain at some point.
You count to five in your head and force yourself to sit up, and a wave of pain and nausea nearly overwhelms you. You use your good arm to push yourself up, and you nearly scream when your bad arm brushes against the ground. You fall back again like a puppet with its strings cut, breathing heavily. You use your good arm to cover your mouth, biting into the fabric and flesh as tears form in your eyes.
You can’t scream. Not if you want to survive this.
There’s no point in lying anymore. You had known when this started that it wouldn’t turn out well for you. You had known what the prophecy said. You had known, on some level, that the Knight wasn’t really capable of caring about you as anything but a tool for their plans anymore. You had known that, even before you saw what they had done to Tenna.
But for some reason, it was still a surprise when the Knight struck you down just because they could. The pain and the fear and the unexpected sense of betrayal. You had made a promise, and so had they. You had thought that meant something. You had done everything that they had asked of you, and they had just laughed in that familiar way that still sent ice down your spine.
Still, you can recognize the irony here. Was that what Susie and Ralsei had felt, when they saw you…?
You can’t even bear to finish the thought. Remembering the look on Susie’s face made you want to throw up. You had told her that your friendship with her had never been real. You had told her that you never really cared about her.
You had been just following a script, of course. One that had been laid out since the beginning. Saying what you had to say. Following the Plan.
You had never thought when you brought the class bully into the Dark World with you, that you would come to care about her like this. Or that you were even capable of caring about Ralsei, knowing the truth about his existence. You hadn’t known that it would hurt this much.
No, that was a lie. You hadn’t known at the start, but as the days went on and you had talked and laughed and fought alongside them, you had come to realize how much you had cared. So you had known that this would hurt. But when the time came to choose, you had still chosen to side with the Knight anyway.
The shadows around you seemed to be getting darker. If a titanspawn found you, you would be completely vulnerable.
The Knight should have killed you. Instead, they had left you to suffer before you died.
It was hard to think that you deserved anything less at this point.
You grit your teeth and you try to get up again. Despite the fact that the world is probably ending, despite everything, you don’t want to die. You summon your sword to try to use it as leverage, but it slips out of your hands as you try to find purchase, clattering just out of reach. You close your eyes for a moment.
You are exhausted. Getting up every night to help with the Plan after full days in the Dark World left you with little energy to spare. You’re pretty sure you haven’t actually slept since your nap on Friday in Alphys’ class.
It would be so easy to sleep. It would be so easy to close your eyes and be done with all of this.
You wanted… you wanted…
You wanted your mom. If you were going to die, you wanted Mom to be there with you. Stroking your hair like she had when you were a kid. Telling you that everything would be okay. That she wasn’t mad at you
Tears fill your eyes and you choke back a sob. Was she even still alive? Were Dad and Susie and Ralsei and Noelle still alive? Was Azzy?
There was movement at the other end of the room. All thoughts of drifting away peacefully vanish in an instant.
“There you are,” it says, its voice calm and somehow familiar.
It was the SOUL, of course. You know as soon as you see it. It’s wearing some funhouse mirror version of a human teenager gone all gray. Not just any human, of course. For some eerie reason, it looks just like you. The same outfit, the same haircut. You don’t want to think about it. The SOUL was in its true vessel now. The same one you had stolen it from, when you had agreed to become the Cage.
The SOUL itself was outside of the vessel, lighting the way in front of it with a bright white light. The light was almost hurt to look directly at. It was necessary to keep the spawn at bay, probably.
The last time you saw the SOUL, you had discarded it. It was right before you had… made you true loyalties known to Susie and Ralsei. You remember it banging on the confines of its cage as it tried to stop you from—you cut the train of thought off. You don’t know how it could have gotten out. But it hardly matters now.
You could be honest with yourself now. You could admit that you had gotten rid of it because you had known that it would try to stop you. And it wasn’t just because its goals happened to align with Susie and Ralsei. It wasn’t just because the SOUL was trying to follow the prophecy.
It was because, for whatever reason, the entity that you had trapped inside the cage of your body was fond of them. It cared about them. You saw it in every action the SOUL took. How carefully it weighed every word of encouragement to Ralsei. How it rushed you into danger to help Susie without a moment's hesitation. You don’t think you’ll ever really understand why, but it did.
You know that those feelings never extended to you, of course. The SOUL kept you alive because it needed you. You can almost feel its contempt for you. It knew before anyone else about your alliance with the Knight. You kept it in a cage at night. You beat it with a hockey stick. You resisted its orders at every turn when they didn’t suit your needs.
No, you tell yourself. There’s more to it than that.
There’s no point in lying. Not to yourself. Not anymore.
Lying there, barely able to move, bathed in its light, you think: it helped them because it’s the Angel. Of course it’s the Angel. You had called it the SOUL to try to distance yourself from it, to try to pretend it was something else, but it had always been the Angel. The being you had grown up hearing stories about at church every week. The being Mom and Dad and half of town prayed to. Righteous. Good. A powerful entity from another world, come to save yours. So far beyond your comprehension that it was almost funny that it has been trapped in something like you for so long.
How it must hate you. How low you must be to it. A liar and a traitor and a blasphemer.
You feel your breathing become unsteady. You try to move away. You can’t walk, but you can still crawl, maybe. It was all animal instinct and fear pushing you forward at this point. You can’t just sit there and wait for it to…
Take its revenge. You wondered if it would be merciful and do it quickly. Or.
Or.
You feel tears burn in your eyes again, maybe from the sudden light, maybe from the animal fear gripping your mind. You use your good arm to drag yourself forward. It still hurts. You don’t want to die. You know how much you deserve it, but for whatever reason, you still didn’t want to die.
“Kris,” the Angel says, still getting closer. Its voice is bright and clear. Concerned, but perhaps… excited, too? “I know you can hear me now. Stop.”
Your stomach twists. Your heart pounds. Even your good arm feels like jelly.
You stop. You turn back towards the Angel, and force your chin up.
Maybe you could die with a little bit of dignity left.
The Angel kneels before you, and embarrassingly, you still flinch back. It—no, they, in the stories the Angel was always called they—look so deceptively normal like this. They had brushed their hair back, revealing two bright white eyes that seemed to be looking straight through you. They have no pupils, just an empty white light shining out of their eye sockets. Their armor was the same as yours, just in black and white, with red cracks in the middle where the SOUL shined through.
You try to form words, but your heart is pounding too loudly. It’s all you can hear now. “D-Don’t-”
Their arm shoots out in front of you, and you recoil back again. Your bad arm twists, and you nearly sob with the sudden spike of pain. The Angel frowns, looking almost… frustrated? Confused?
“Kris,” the Angel says, their voice careful and deliberate. “Drink this.”
What?
“Kris. C’mon. Drink it. You’ll feel better.”
They’re giving you something? You peer down at their hand. It’s… it’s a Scarlixir?
You blink. It’s a healing item. They’re giving you a healing item?
“Here,” the Angel says. “Sit up. It’ll be easier that way.”
You sit up, too baffled to disobey, even if it makes your ribs hurt again. They put the Scarlixir into your good hand without touching you, and then they step back. The thought of the pain finally abating is almost too much. You want it all to stop hurting so badly. You guzzle it down before the Angel can think better of it.
You’re almost dizzy with relief. It’s a warm sensation, like taking a hot bath after coming inside on a cold day. It’s incredible to breathe without the pain. You flex your bad arm experimentally, and then wince. Okay. Not fully healed, but at least now you could move it.
The Angel is still watching you. After a few moments of silence, they speak. “So, uh. You got beat up pretty badly back there. You’re, er, no longer riding with the Knight, I take it?”
“Obviously,” you grit out.
The Angel shrugs. “Sorry. Had to check. Cool, then. We’re on the same team again.”
You give them a bewildered look. You had never really been on the same team as the Angel before, but sure. Whatever. It hardly mattered now.
Though… why on earth had they given you the Scarlixir before they had checked? You let your hair fall over your face and peer at them through it skeptically. So they weren’t here to finish the job the Knight had started. Fine. Were they coming to take you back? Was that why they wanted you healed? You suppose it makes sense for them to have a back-up vessel if anything happens to their fancy new ride.
But that didn’t really make sense either. Surely, after everything you’ve done, you’re too much of a liability to take back.
But then why had they wasted a healing item on you?
“Are you going to…?” Your voice still sounds shaky. You would be feeling self-conscious, if anything still mattered.
“Going to what?” The Angel’s bright white eyes’ blink owlishly.
“You know.” You gesture your chest and then you pantomime putting the SOUL back in.
“What?” The Angel looks surprised. “Jeez, you always make that look so violent. No, kid—er, Kris. I’m not going to be here for that much longer, I think. So you don’t need to worry about that anymore.” The Angel paused for a long moment. “Actually, could I ask you for a favor?”
You tilt your head slightly and shrug. What could they possibly want from you if they didn’t need you as a vessel?
“Could you watch out for them?” The Angel gestures to themself—to their new vessel, you suppose. “You and Susie and Noelle. After I’m gone. They were, uh, made in a lab I think? I’m not entirely clear on the details. You can ask them about it later, probably. Anyways, they need someone to look out for them. Do you think you can…?”
You nod, pushing your hair back without thinking about it. The vessel, whoever they were, wasn’t at fault for any of this. You’ll try to help them, if you survive this. “You’re… really leaving, though?”
“Not before we finish this.” The Angel sounds confident.
You study them for a few moments longer. Why do they sound so… normal? Not like an extradimensional entity or religious figure. Just like any other person you could know in Hometown. Sure, they were casually talking about no longer possessing you. But other than that…
“How are you feeling now?” The Angel startles you out of your train of thought. You don’t flinch again, but it’s a close thing.
“I-I’m fine,” you say. Actually, you feel a little like an exposed nerve. But how you feel doesn’t matter. It never has.
You watch as the Angel picks something up off of the ground. It takes you a moment to realize that it’s your sword. They pick it up and examine it for a moment, and you feel your heart begin to race again. They must recognize it. After all, the Angel was the one who had bought it. Then, as if to emphasize how little of a threat they see you as, the Angel hands you the sword, hilt first. You feel your jaw tightening as you put it in your inventory.
You need to get up. You need to get moving. The intensity of the Angel’s gaze is making your skin itch. You try to get to your feet, but you’re still unsteady. The Angel has to rush forward to catch you to keep you from falling on your ass.
“Kris,” the Angel says. “You don’t have to struggle through, alright? Take it slow. There’s a SAVE point not too far from here. It’ll patch you up the rest of the way.”
The white light that only you see… you and the Angel, of course. You nod, roughly.
The Angel has to lend you an arm to keep you steady, which would also be pretty embarrassing if the world wasn’t literally ending. And besides, the alternative was you falling on your ass again. The walk is slow. Your bad arm still hurts. You try not to look at the shadows that lie beyond the light of the SOUL too hard.
You can’t get over just how strange this is. The Angel is just… there. Talking to you. Helping you walk. Like a person. They felt like a person when they helped you not fall. They still feel like a person as you lean against them. Like maybe they had been a person this entire time. Not some cosmic entity out to control your life as part of some unknowable plan. Not a tool to be used and discarded as you saw fit. Not a demon or devil.
This had been easier when they couldn’t talk. The thought makes you feel an unexpected stab of guilt.
“Um, Kris,” the Angel says suddenly. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about before things progress. Since we’re probably going to be pretty busy after this.”
You look at them. It was surprising, just how unsure the Angel seemed. Was it a facade to make you let your guard down? Or was it something else entirely? Was even the Angel not entirely sure how all of this was going to end?
“I wanted to apologize,” the Angel says. “For, you know. Taking control of your life. I meant what I said. I’ll be gone soon enough. You don’t ever have to worry about it again.”
You shake off their helping hand and stop in your tracks to stare at them for a moment. They were avoiding your gaze. Was that actual guilt? Actual remorse?
You feel your jaw clench. What was the point of that?
“I knew what I was getting into.” You can’t stop yourself from speaking now, even if it’s a bad idea. The words just seem to flow out without any input from you. “You saw what I did.” You think of the look on Susie’s face after you sided with the Knight. Had those been tears in her eyes? “I chose this path. I knew what was going to happen. I knew what taking the SOUL meant. You don’t need to apologize.”
You don’t deserve any apologies.
“Kris…” The Angel shakes their head. “I know what you’ve done. I can’t ever fully understand what led you down this path. But I understand how difficult this must have been for you. Even if you agreed to it on some level, even if I had good intentions, I still took your choices away from you, and I’m sorry for that. In my defense, I was, uh, reliably informed that it would lead to the destruction of your world if I stopped. But I know that doesn’t excuse anything.” The Angel takes a careful breath. “This might sound stupid, but… I’d like to be your friend. If that’s still possible.”
You bite your lip. This makes no sense. You had failed or betrayed every friend you ever had. The Angel knows that. They had seen what you did to Susie and Ralsei. “You want to be my friend?”
“Yeah.” The Angel ducks their head. “I don’t really know if it ever came across before, but… I’ve always liked you, Kris.”
What?
You’re staring openly at them now. So they don’t want you to die for whatever reason. Ok, sure. Fine. Whatever. But why on earth would they like anything about you?
The Angel continues. “You’re very… determined. You never give up, even when the whole world seems to be against you. I can admire that. But it’s okay if you don’t want to be friends. We can work together either way, you don’t need to, uh, not hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” you find yourself saying, and you don't even know why. “I never… maybe I did, before.” You probably did, before. Or you would have, if you had considered the SOUL enough of a person to hate. You only feel hollowed out now. “But I never…”
I never hated you as much as I hated myself. But you can’t say that, not to anyone. Not even to the Angel.
The Angel seems to understand anyways. They nod. Did they already know? Had they heard you in church, before all this happened, back when you still prayed? The thought makes you feel very unsteady.
“Yeah, I know you were going through some shit,” the Angel says. “It’s all good, Kris.”
You don’t know how to respond to that. Even you know that there should be more of an apology for locking someone in a cage than whatever that had been. But the Angel said it was “all good”, just like that.
…how on earth could it be?
This would be so much easier if they were angry. If they just hated you, like they were supposed to. Why couldn’t the Angel understand that? They shouldn’t trust you. No one should. You had been working with the Knight the entire time.
But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was that you hadn’t even been fully loyal to the Knight. Even as you followed the Plan, even as you had betrayed Susie and Ralsei with almost every action you took, a part of you had hoped beyond hope that there would be another way. You had known almost the entire time that you were making the wrong choice. You had still done it anyway.
Just make them come out and say how much they despise you. None of that pretending to care about you. You’re a means to an end, to Susie and Ralsei, to the people they actually care about. Why would the Angel care about what happens to you, after everything you’ve done to them?
“So… what?” You’re suddenly furious. “Is it all good? Everything I did? Locking you in a cage? Attacking you in Dess’ room? Working with the Knight?”
You’re shouting by the end, your whole body shaking. But then you feel that familiar, burning shame as soon as the last word leave your mouth. Why are you yelling at the Angel? The magnitude of what you’ve done to them seems almost overwhelming. This was a real person, who could talk to you. This was a person that you had chosen to hurt, because you had been frustrated and scared and angry. It was easy to imagine them as a thing when they were just a mute SOUL. It’s incredibly difficult to deny their personhood after they had just knelt down in front of you and tried to help you.
“Uh,” the Angel says. “Kris. I don’t say this to be, uh, edgy, or anything, but you literally can’t hurt me in any way that matters. Like, I guess the hockey stick thing hurt my feelings? But, uh, I had kind of figured out about Dess at that point, so I knew you had your reasons.”
“Oh,” you say, stupidly.
…of course you weren’t actually hurting the Angel. Of course. How could you think that you were even capable of that? Every time that you had reached for the SOUL, it had felt like being torn apart. And after the incident in Dess’ room, when you had put the SOUL back in your body, it had felt like you’d been hit by a bus. You had just assumed that the pain was somehow shared or something. But, no. This entire time, you had only ever been hurting themself.
And of course the Angel knew about Dess. How could you ever think that you could keep secrets from them?
The Angel is still talking. They sound concerned. “Kris, uh, I feel like I need to emphasize this, because I wish somebody had told me this when I was your age: the adults in your life have failed you, really badly. The Mayor should not have been guilt tripping a traumatized child into risking their life. I get that she wanted Dess back. But you were a kid. What happened to Dess wasn’t your fault.”
Normally, you would want to bite anyone who said that. You had heard it from everyone: your parents, your neighbors, Azzy, your therapists. But for some reason, it feels different hearing it from the Angel.
You remember all the stories that you’ve heard about the Angel. How good they are, how strong, how merciful. How forgiving. It was one thing hearing about it. You had never really believed in it, not like Mom and Azzy had. But seeing it?
Tears burn in your eyes. You have to look away so the Angel doesn’t see them.
Cautiously, the Angel puts a hand on your good shoulder. You don’t move away. “And… it sucks that your mom and dad were so caught up in their own problems that they didn’t notice that you’ve been hurting really, really badly for a long time. Or the fact that you’d, uh, been possessed for several days. Still sorry about that, by the way.”
You tilt your head slightly. You still don’t really understand why they’re apologizing to you.
“But I’m not saying any of this for me. You don’t owe me anything, Kris. But… the mistakes you’ve made. None of them are unfixable. Sure, you owe Susie an apology and a pretty good explanation. She deserves the truth, after everything she’s been through.”
You shiver. “Do you think… she’ll forgive me?”
“If you’re willing to tell her the whole story, I think she will, yeah,” the Angel says. “We’ve both learned better than to underestimate Susie, right? Uh, when we find her and Ralsei, I’ll also need your help, er, explaining who the hell I am. But… whatever happens, you’re going to be okay, Kris. I’m sure of it.”
It’s hard not to believe them. This is the Angel, after all. You wipe away a stray tear, blinking furiously. You force yourself to look at them. Their white eyes meet yours and they offer you an unsteady smile. They know, you find yourself thinking. Every terrible thing that you’ve ever done. Every person that you’ve ever hurt. Every selfish thing, every cowardly thing, every hurtful impulse that you couldn’t quite stop. And they’re still trying to comfort you.
You don’t hug the Angel. Not exactly. You just kind of… fall forward into them. You’re exhausted and despite the Scarlixir, you still felt pretty beat up. And you don’t even like being touched, usually. But for some reason, you feel safe. Standing with the Angel, you almost feel like things are going to be alright. The Angel wraps their arms around you, and you close your eyes. Maybe you’re imagining it, but it’s like you can feel their wings wrapping tight around you.
You feel nearly calm by the time you move back from the hug. The Angel is still looking at you, a small smile on their face.
“Hey, Kris, listen to me. We’re about to kick some serious ass, okay?”
That brings a smile to your face as well, despite everything. You think about your mom finding out that the Angel told you to kick some serious ass. The Angel looks relieved at your smile.
“Do you remember what Ralsei said to us when this all started? That if we were kind, then maybe this story could have a happy ending? I think he was right, Kris. No one is dying today.” The Angel sounded certain. “Not on my watch.”
“Do you think… even Dess?” Your voice is soft.
The Angel nodded, their eyes shining with determination. “We’re getting her back too.”
It’s ridiculous, of course. You know the prophecy. You know it well. Not everyone can be saved, even with the Angel’s power.
But even knowing that, for some reason, you find yourself believing. Just being in the Angel’s company feels like forgiveness. And maybe, just a little bit, it feels like hope.
“C’mon, Kris. After we SAVE, we can find Susie and Ralsei,” the Angel says. “Let’s go.”
You nod. And then you walk onwards with the Angel at your side, the light of the SOUL shining the path forward.