Chapter Text
Kate’s iPhone
House of Sharma
Friday 7th July 2023 – 8:45am
King Appa
PRINCESS KATHANI ASHWANI GRACE
Queen Mary
Now now Milan, we agreed
King Appa
Well my blood pressure didn’t
Princess Eddie (Bon) laughed at a message
Princess Eddie (Bon)
LOL DAD!
Ooooo Didi what did you do now?
You
That’s what I’d like to know
King Appa
Now isn’t the time for being a smartass Kathani
You
I genuinely have no idea what you are talking about
King Appa
PRINCESS KATE’S NEW LOW. England’s Princess, considerably drunk, is spotted being carried into a taxi at 3am by an unknown male after partying with friends
Queen Mary
Oh dear
Princess Eddie (Bon)
HA! You’ll have to tell Tom his new name is ‘Male’
You
Ah
Yes
That
King Appa
What do you mean ‘that’!?
You
I went out with Sophie, Posy and Cressida!
For a quiet drink
King Appa
Doesn’t look very quiet to me
Princess Eddie (Bon)
And drank half of the alcohol supply in London apparently
Queen Mary
Edwina!
You
Don’t worry Bon, I saved you a bottle of that rose you liked at the state dinner the other month
Princess Eddie (Bon)
Aww thanx
King Appa
Kathani
You
Appa
King Appa
I said to you after the last time the photographers caught you in a manner that doesn’t reflect the monarchy
Princess Eddie (Bon)
Was that the time when she had her knickers in her hands?
Queen Mary
PRINCESS EDWINA MARGURITE CHARLOTTE
Princess Eddie (Bon)
What?! It was!
You
Lol Bon!
I think you are right
King Appa
As I was saying
I said that the next time you brought shame on this family that I would have to hire you a new bodyguard
You
But what about Tom?!
King Appa
He’ll be demoted
You
Are you fucking serious?!
King Appa
Yes Kathani
I am being fucking serious
Queen Mary
MILAN!
Princess Eddie (Bon)
LOL Didi you broke Dad
King Appa
Don’t think I’m not watching you too Edwina
Princess Edwina (Bon)
Hey! Why am I catching the strays?!
You
Ha!
King Appa
Don’t test me Kathani
I’ll be holding interviews next week
You
But don’t I get a say?
Queen Mary
I think you’ve blown your chances darling, I’m sorry
King Appa
What your mother said
Now I have a meeting with Lady Danbury to sort all this mess out
Princess Eddie (Bon)
Aunt Aggie!
You
Oh god
King Appa
Can I trust you not to start another national scandal while I’m sorting this?
Queen Mary
Oh really Milan
Princess Edwina (Bon)
You can count on me Appa
King Appa
I know I can sweetheart
You
Suck up
King Appa
And you Kathani?
You
I guess so
The Fantastic Four
9:10am
You
Fuck bollocks fucking shit
Cinderella
Good morning to you too
Snow
I thought I’d heard rumbling coming down the Mall from Buckingham
Rapunzel
Oh I thought it was Sophie crashing her Lime bike into the pond at Hyde Park again
You laughed at a message
Snow laughed at a message
Cinderella
Hey!
That was one time!
You
FUCK MY LIFE
Sent a voice note
Cinderella
Oh dear god
Rapunzel
Second
Snow
Third
You
And he won’t even let me be in on the interview process
Rapunzel
Now that’s just unconstitutional
How else are you supposed to chose your own Kevin Costner
Snow
No she needs her own Ryan Gosling
Rapunzel
At least she has a bodyguard
We can’t all be heir to the throne
Snow
Dad had to make cut backs and now I have to share with Rosamund and I can’t leave the house if she has him
Rapunzel
Ouch
You can have one of mine – Dad’s a little too overprotective
Snow liked a message
Cinderella
Did your Dad not listen to you at all?
You
He’s recruited Lady Danbury
Snow
Oh no
Cinderella
Damn Kate it must be bad
Rapunzel
You are so fucked
You
ARGH DON’T REMIND ME
AND ALL I DID WAS GET CARRIED OUT OF ANNABEL’S BY TOM
Cinderella
We did warn you about the shots
Snow
And the strawberry vodka
Cinderella
And the mermaid gin
Snow
And the tequila
Rapunzel
And kissing Tom in the bathroom
Cinderella
WHAT
You
DON’T MAKE ME FULL GOVERNMENT NAME YOU
LADY CRESSIDA HELENA VICTORIA PATRICIA COWPER
Cinderella
Oh Kate you didn’t?!
Please tell me you didn’t?!
Rapunzel
And by the way that she and Tom were eating each other’s faces, I’d say it wasn’t the first time either
You
Cressida I am not above sending my equerry to Mayfair to shoot you
SHUT UP
Cinderella
FOR FUCKS SAKE KATE
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Snow
Kate you just stunned Sophie!
You made her swear!
Rapunzel
Posy quick go check on your Mum
I think hell just froze over
Snow
Soph? you good?
Cinderella
Fine. I just screamed into the pantry and walked back outside
I think I scared Mr Crabtree
Rapunzel
Safe to say that Tom doesn’t have a job anymore then?
You
He’s been and I quote
Demoted
Rapunzel
So your Dad doesn’t know about the kiss then?
You
No he does not
And it’s going to stay that way
Cinderella
May as well have been sacked and sent to Australia
Snow
Well at least now you can date him properly!
Cinderella
No Posy!
Rapunzel
Even I have to admit that Tommy is a little bit gorgeous
You
Cressida I can feel you swooning all the way over in Mayfair
Stop it
Rapunzel
No.
Poor Tommy
Cinderella
God Kate this is such a fucking mess
You
Yes, Lady Gun, I am aware
Cinderella
Don’t get shitty with me because you are hell bent on self destruction Kathani
I warned you that one day you’d have to face up to the music
Snow
Can the music be George Michael?
You laughed at a message
You/King Appa
10:00am
You
Appa?
King Appa
Kate I really cant talk right now, I am in the middle of sorting out your mess again
You
I know
I just wanted to say that I was sorry is all
King Appa
That’s the problem with you Kate, you create destruction and walk away looking mighty pleased with yourself and then when you get caught you are always sorry
I’ve had enough
You
Appa I am so sorry
I know I need to shape up
Is rehab still an option?
Or that retreat in Stirling?
King Appa
No, neither are an option Kate
I have informed your equerry that she needs to provide a more active role in your life
And I am getting you a social media manager too
You
So I’m getting an image overhaul?
King Appa
Yes, if that’s what the kids call it these days
You
Right
King Appa
Do you trust me flower?
You
I do Appa
I really do
And I am so sorry again
King Appa
I know you are darling
I love you so much
You
I love you too Appa
Milan’s iPhone
You/Commander Bridgerton
10:30am
You
Edmund
Commander Bridgerton
Milan
You
Commander
Commander Bridgerton
Your Majesty
You
I am in need of your assistance
Commander Bridgerton
I gathered
You
I require your son
Commander Bridgerton
Which one?
I have 4
You
The eldest
Commander Bridgerton
Anthony? Whatever for?
You
Did you see the front page of every tabloid rag this morning?
Commander Bridgerton
I did
Vi showed me all of them with a degree of exasperation on her face
You
Her and Mary both
So in that case you’ll know why I am asking
Commander Bridgerton
Ah
The Princess?
You
The Princess
You/Unknown Number
12:05pm
Unknown Number
Good Afternoon Your Majesty
My father tells me you require my help
I believe the quote was
‘A man of military background, close in age to my eldest daughter and someone who can guide her through this turbulent period in her life’
What makes you think that I’m the right man for that?
You
Good afternoon
I am glad your father passed on my message
When are you able to come in for a chat?
No pressure at all, just to get to know each other a little better
Unknown Number
I am available on Tuesday morning
Would you like me to come to Buckingham?
You
Tuesday morning works, 9am
Yes, that would be good
Thank you
You saved this contact as Captain Bridgerton