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It was easy. It should be easy. It was nothing more than the simple rubbing of skin against skin. They did it all the time, from rough contact during training, which left bruises and injuries, to putting her arms over his shoulder, and even some friendly punches from her. Maki wasn't as reticent about physical contact as she should have been. Furthermore, being a sorceress without cursed energy, her performance was entirely dependent on her body. She wasn't afraid to use it. She never flinched.
At least until that moment.
"Maki-san?" Yūta's soft voice could barely be heard by her, feeling the rapid pounding of her heart in her ears. Even so, she clenched his shirt even more. Her hands were stiff; she couldn't let go of him, even if she wanted to, but she couldn't get any closer, much less kiss him. But Maki was stubborn and wouldn't back down. No, she wouldn't be defeated by something as minuscule as a kiss; she annihilated curses, for God's sake!
It must have been the color on her face, or that even Yūta could hear her heart, or that self-consciousness that she rarely showed—but that he already seemed to recognize from the private moments they had shared until then—that it was Yūta who closed the distance. He gave her a soft, brief kiss so sweet that it managed to melt Maki's nerves, leaving her gone for an instant.
"Heh," Yūta's smile overflowed effusively. "I have to go."
He said goodbye to her with renewed energy for a mission that probably wouldn't bring him back anytime soon. Maki couldn't remember what words she used to say goodbye, still absorbed in the after-kiss effect. She only vaguely remembered saying something like "don't overdo it" and perhaps, maybe having smiled softly. Once alone, she realized she had not achieved her goal and, once again, had not been able to initiate physical contact. That kind of physical contact.
For the first time, Maki Zen'in was having trouble coordinating her mind and body.
And she wasn't taking it well.
...
In her defense, she spent years detesting men beneath her logic, in which she assumed that there were two types: disgusting pieces of garbage, at least those of her family, who did not leave a good precedent; on the other hand, Gojo and Hakari, who were idiots. Then there were Toge and Panda, but they didn't contribute much to the case. Maki had limited interaction with ‘normal’ people to know if there was a third category. In addition to the fact that it was not a priority to find out.
Simply that, from the beginning, she assumed that she would not be involved in that type of situation. After all, her goal was different.
But of course, Yūta appeared. He and his clumsy naivety, with his big, sincere eyes and goofy smile. He was a fool.
"Idiot."
"Uh... did I do something wrong?" There were those worried eyes; he looked like a kicked puppy.
"Silly puppy."
"Maki-san?"
Yūta didn't understand what was going on. Suddenly, Maki started calling him an idiot for no apparent reason. In the same way, he mentally reviewed his actions or words that managed to disrupt the scene, because they were waiting to be picked up back from their mission, and until recently they were chatting, and Yūta believed they had a pleasant moment, but when Maki stopped talking, he decided to stop looking straight ahead and look at her, noticing that she was staring at him.
Maybe she didn't like me holding her hand? He mused. Perhaps Yūta had been wrong to read her face and assume that she expected that from him. Ah, that's why she called me that. With an apology ready to use, Yūta tried to let go of her hand and give her space.
Maki realized what he was planning and tightened the grip on his hand. "Tch. You really are a special type of fool."
She said that with a sigh, annoyed that his boyfriend misinterpreted her actions, but above all, she was upset with herself for pushing him to that.
She didn't let go of his grip until their cararrived to pick them up.
...
It was supposed to be easy. A simple and light touch. Yūta did it all the time, and he made it look so easy! Although, of course, he had an advantage in that field.
"You're a womanizer."
"S-sorry?!"
Maki almost found his reaction amused; he looked startled, offended, and confused. Lately, Yūta was being attacked for the incongruity of the words randomly thrown out by her. Sometimes he didn't know what Maki meant, and she didn't elaborate on it, too embarrassed to even formulate the words in her mind. So, the girl simply excused herself with a grumpy "whatever, forget it, it's stupid." Maki felt even more ridiculous when Yūta hugged her tightly, still advocating for his innocence.
...
It was something that Maki was simply having a tough time initiating. Unlike Yūta, who seemed to think that type of contact was as easy as breathing. Holding hands, hugging, kissing – who would have imagined that the first time they held hands, he was more nervous and blushing than she was. That shyness was no longer in him though, as he approached her so smoothly and without hesitation, so during the months of their new relationship Maki had simply let him be.
She hadn't questioned her own initiative until Panda (stupid little bear) remarked: "Maki, don't you think Yūta will realize that he gives more than he gets and get tired of your coldness?"
Yeah, right. That would have been ignored like all the nonsense that stuffed animal had said. And at first it had, because it only caused Maki to throw the little annoying bear.
Until she was alone with Yūta, and he approached her to hug her, and Maki just looked at him expectantly, as usual. Just fixed on the ground, waiting for him to come and for her to receive the comforting touch. But oh, how she hated hearing the tiny panda's words in her head as she stood still with Yūta's arms around her. Sweet and innocent Yūta.
She didn't want him to realize how little she gave him in comparison.
For that reason, for weeks she tried to take the first step. Take his hands, hold his face, and kiss him first.
It wasn't going well at all. Her efforts were, more than anything, pathetic, and she was beginning to feel desperate. Although Maki was on better terms with her sister, she would in no way tell her about it and ask for advice. Between Mai and Panda, Maki wasn't sure who enjoyed seeing her fumbling more due to the shyness of her relationship.
Better than nothing, she asked Nobara—a monumental mistake, for her kōhai was even more inexperienced than she was. But there was Maki, on top of a terrified Yūta.
"Um, Maki-san, if you're upset about something, we'd better talk about it," the panic and soreness mixed in his voice.The poor guy felt that his girlfriend could rip his jaw off, as Maki -almost hyperventilating- held his face with her hands, preventing him from moving.
She was on his lap, sitting astride him (they had never been in such a position), and what could be a situation of a sexual nature seemed more like that of a murderer stalking his victim.
"Just close your eyes!" She sounded sulky, but she was just too mortified.
Yūta obeyed and implored that the headbutt he was sure to receive would not hurt so much.
One, two, three, and more seconds passed, but instead of the hit, what he felt was just a soft caress. He opened his eyes, and Maki looked at him with a frown, her face flushed.
"What happened?"
Maki didn't answer; she snorted and muttered something that Yūta didn't quite understand. He blinked once, twice, three times while trying to understand what had just happened, and instinctively brought his hand to his cheek, right where he felt a slight tingle. Understanding, he opened his eyes wider and could only look at Maki as if she had just taken the sunset sun and offered it to him.
Still with a hand on his cheek — and using the other one, he grabbed Maki's waist so that she wouldn't sway when he straightened his posture and pulled her closer to him. Maki barely stifled a startled exclamation.
"Maki-san, could you do it again? Please."
"Ah?! No way. You make it look easy, but it's not!"
"Please?" he asked her with even more vehemence while keeping a firm grip on her waist.
Maki remembered one of the reasons why she fell in love with him; His words were soft, but his determination was strong.
She could refuse; she was stubborn after all, and Yūta would never force her to do something she didn't want to do. However, Yūta rarely asked for something in such a way: with his eyes shining and longing in his gentle voice. She would be heartless if she refused, wouldn't she?
Maki leaned toward him, squinting her eyes and resting her lips on his cheek. She felt a slight tingle and the warmth of his skin. So she kissed him again. And again… until the girl felt the vibration of his delighted laughter.
She couldn't help but smile on his skin.
"Maki-san, I love you too much," Yūta managed to say between the soft kisses, the result of her clumsy and sincere ‘attack’.
If those words caused endless butterflies and warmth in her chest, Maki wouldn't tell him, but she wouldn't stop kissing him.