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It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fucking fair.
Shiro wondered if the gods were doing this on purpose, testing his patience and self-control in an awful twist of fate.
However, his twin Kaneki remained forever oblivious as he settled down on his side of the bed, pulling the sheet over him.
"Sorry about this boys," their mother told them as they arrived at the hotel, "but they only had rooms with double beds when we booked, so you two have to share."
"That's fine," Kaneki replied with a smile. They had shared a bed since they were little, but stopped after they moved houses when they were 11 and were able to have their own rooms. Shiro was glad, since two years later he fell in love with his own twin, which was further worsened when he went through puberty and his hormones went out of control.
However, right now, Shiro didn't really have choice in this matter.
"It's okay. It'll be just like old times, right Ken?" he said with a smile, slinging an arm around his brother.
"Yeah," Kaneki replied, returning his smile.
Unfortunately, Shiro grossly underestimated how difficult it was going to be.
His twin was only wearing boxers and a vest. Shiro suddenly wanted to scream. How the fuck was he supposed to-
"Are you okay, Shiro?" Kaneki asked, seeing his brother's state of distress. Shiro was glad that Kaneki was so oblivious, otherwise he was sure their relationship would have been ruined long ago.
"I'm fine," Shiro lied, letting his hands go to the medical eyepatch he was wearing in order to take it off. "My eye is just giving me shit, that's all."
"Ah." Shiro was half albino, and was born with white hair, pale skin and one red eye that was extremely sensitive to the light. He had to wear an eyepatch in order to stop it from getting damaged. However, on sunny days such as this one, the patch couldn't provide 100% protection. "You should really get one of those blackout patches," Kaneki continued. "You know those standard-issue patches don't do much good."
"I don't want to look like a pirate," Shiro grumbled - not a lie, for once. They were always arguing about Shiro's eyepatch - Kaneki always wanting him to get a high quality black eyepatch but Shiro not wanting to look like a pirate.
"Besides," as Shiro kept saying, "this eyepatch does work, like, 90% of the time. It's only if I go outside during really sunny days is when I have a problem, which I don't normally anyway." He would then ruffle his younger twin's hair. "It's fine Ken, honestly." Kaneki would grumble something about 'eventually you'll go blind in that eye,' but Shiro would win the argument.
However, as Shiro regarded his twin with mis-matched eyes, he knew he was going to have a very difficult night.
He gulped.
"Goodnight, Shiro," Kaneki said, switching off his bedside light.
"'Night Ken," Shiro replied, settling under the covers and switching his own light off.
On any other night, Shiro would have easily fallen into a dreamless sleep, but lying next to his twin, he became acutely aware of every breath Kaneki took, every shift of the blankets, every swallow, and eventually, the exact moment when he fell asleep.
Shiro sighed, opening his eyes. It was so dark in their hotel room that it didn't make a difference whether his eyes were closed or open. When Kaneki was falling asleep, Shiro caught himself with his eyes open when he thought they were closed. He wished it wasn't so dark - he wished there was just a slither of moonlight coming through a curtain to illuminate his twin's face. When they were ten, and Shiro had trouble falling asleep, the moonlight had fallen across his twin's face in such a way that made him look ethereal. Beautiful. His ten-year-old self had been disturbed by the thought at first, but now the image was stuck in his head. It happened six years ago, but Shiro remembered it with such clarity that he wondered if he hadn't been in love with Kaneki for longer than three years.
He sighed, then checked his phone. It was around midnight - two hours after they first went to bed. He was surprised at the amount of time he managed to waste on his thoughts. Kaneki was the thoughtful one - not him. Kaneki was the one who could get lost in books and ideas, while Shiro could never sit still for long. He found it odd.
He sighed again, rolling over onto his other side, away from Kaneki. There was no point in lying in bed all night if he wasn't even going to try and sleep.
And so he did, after forcing himself to count sheep (an exercise he had not done since that night six years ago.)
If the first night was bad, the second night was abysmal. Again, it took a couple of hours for Shiro to fall asleep. He was, yet again, seriously tempted to confess to his brother about his feelings, but every reaction he thought would come from Kaneki was not a good one, so eventually he shut down the idea and went to sleep.
Unfortunately, he woke up later with an erection and less than savoury thoughts about his twin.
He groaned lowly, rolling over and trying to will his boner and thoughts away, but his mind refused, providing him with pictures of Kaneki sweating under him, riding him, sucking his-
He got out of bed.
He crept to their bathroom and jerked off as fast and as quietly as he could, spilling his cum into the toilet and flushing it, so that no evidence of his excursion could be found.
He woke up exhausted, but was glad that he didn't have another hard-on.
Kaneki noticed how tired he was at breakfast.
"Are you okay, Shiro?" his twin asked, his eyes wide with concern.
"Yeah, I just didn't sleep very well last night, that's all," he replied. Kaneki offered no more words, simply putting a comforting hand on his thigh under the table.
The hand stayed until they left breakfast.
The third night, as Shiro was about to fall asleep, Kaneki started talking.
"Shiro..."
"Ken?" Shiro asked, rolling over so he was facing Kaneki (not that he could see anything - the hotel room remained pitch black during the night.)
"Shiro... I'm sorry..." Kaneki mumbled. Shiro was about to ask what for, before realising that he was asleep.
Talking in his sleep? This is new, Shiro thought. He never used to do this when we were kids...
"Please... don't go," Kaneki continued to mumble. Shiro stayed dead silent, listening for anything else, but his brother simply sighed and rolled over to his other side. After ten minutes, Shiro gave up on listening and fell asleep.
The next morning when they were about to brush their teeth, Shiro asked what Kaneki dreamt of the previous night.
"O-oh?" Kaneki stuttered, taken aback by the question. "I... don't really remember," he answered, resting a finger on his chin.
Liar, Shiro thought, eyeing his brother's chin. Hide had taught him that whenever Kaneki was lying, he would put a finger on his chin. He also pointed out that Shiro did the same.
Shiro had to remember to properly thank Hide - it was the first time that that piece of information came in handy.
"Okay," Shiro replied, "I was just wondering because you were sleep-talking." Kaneki stilled beside his twin.
"What was I saying?"
"I couldn't really make it out. You sounded kinda upset though."
"Hm." Kaneki reached for the toothpaste. "That's weird. But I can't remember what I dreamt of."
The fourth night, Shiro was so tired from not being able to sleep properly that he collapsed into bed at six in the evening, and didn't wake up until 14 hours later.
The fifth and final night (thank God) Shiro could see that something was wrong when he and Kaneki were preparing for bed. Kaneki looked worried, and his movements suggested he was scared. But of what?
"Shiro," Kaneki began quietly as they climbed into bed, "are you okay with sleeping with me? You don't seem to be sleeping well since we've been sharing a bed."
"I'm fine," Shiro assured him, "I've been having trouble sleeping for a while. It's not your fault."
"Liar," Kaneki hissed, looking at Shiro's finger on his chin. "Hide told me that whenever you lie, you put your finger on your chin."
That bastard! Shiro thought.
"Well," he said, while he started to panic. How am I going to do this? Then he remembered what Kaneki said a couple of morning ago. "What did you dream of a couple of nights ago, when I said you were talking on your sleep?"
"This again?" Kaneki frowned, putting a finger on his chin. "I don't remember. I told you that."
"Hide told me that whenever you lie, you put your finger on your chin," Shiro repeated sarcastically. "You do the same thing, Ken." Kaneki sighed.
"I really don't want to fight with you," he said, "I'm just worried about you."
"You wouldn't understand," Shiro mumbled.
"You don't know unless you try," Kaneki said, slightly exasperated.
"I'm serious, Ken. You can't understand." Shiro's voice took on a slight disgusted tone, though it was only aimed at himself. "It's sick."
"Shiro," Kaneki said softly, reaching across to rest his hand on Shiro's arm, "you can tell me." Shiro swore internally. Kaneki was looking him with wide eyes and a look which was usually used by puppies wanting scraps of food. It was Shiro's kryptonite. There was no way he could deny his twin with that look. Especially when his full lips were pushing out in a slight pout-
Shiro kissed him.
Kaneki's eyes widened.
"Fuck," Shiro swore as he quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry. Fuck, fuck, what have I done-"
"It's okay," Kaneki said quickly, cursing internally as his voice cracked. "I mean, it is okay. Really. I- I like you too."
Shiro froze with disbelief. There was absolutely no way his twin just said that.
He liked him.
It wasn't exactly how Shiro had felt - the desperate pining and loving aimed towards his twin for the last few years, but it was a start.
Before Shiro could come up with a coherent response, Kaneki leaned in and gave him a kiss.
"See?" he said, as if he was proving point. "I'm not lying. I would never lie about something like that. You know that."
"I know," Shiro replied, a little breathless. "I just can't believe it. I've lo- liked you, for a while now. I just thought you would never like me back. I mean, it's sick, lo- liking your own twin like that."
"Who cares about that?" Kaneki shifted closer to his twin. "You're the most important person to me, so it makes sense. I like you, you like me - why does anything else matter?"
Shiro rolled onto his hands and knees, hovering over his twin.
"Good," he said, slightly huskily, "because I don't think I can wait much longer."
The first thing their parents asked was why Kaneki was limping.
Kaneki looked away and blushed.
"Mr. Ken Klutz over here fell out of bed this morning and twisted his ankle badly," Shiro answered with a laugh, pulling his brother close to him.
"Okay, just take it easy," their father said.
Behind their parents' backs, Kaneki shot Shiro a glare with one message;
I'll get you back for this.
Shiro laughed quietly.
He was looking forward to it.