Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

december 

Jungkook was used to shaping his days around rehearsals, shooting schedules—living in a constant countdown to the next release. The details could change from one album to another, but really, the cogs of the machine remained the same. He knew it inside-out. He liked it. Easy. 

He had always been aware he didn't perceive things quite as the rest of his members did. They were ahead of him in years, in experiences, and in fears—with the biggest one looming over them before Jungkook even knew what it really meant, spoken about in dread because the noose of time was closing around the group's neck. 

Fucking enlistment. 

That's when the clock was smashed to smithereens. 

Time stretched into weird shapes in the barracks, but it was never on the soldiers' side. Some of them counted down the days, but Jungkook's brain could only focus on the present. It was always today, and today, people needed to eat. 

Jimin, though, felt every single second that passed them by, and it left a mark. That's where Jungkook noticed time passing—in the bulk on Jimin's frame, in the way his voice would shift, imperceptibly, into something distant, something other.

It lasted forever, then it ended.  Jungkook had phones and clocks and online calendars again that broke down his week in convenient little busy blocks. All just as before. The familiar rhythm. 

And before you fucking know it, it's been two full years since they enlisted. The anniversary of that sits so much brighter in his head than their discharge date. Jin-hyung called him a weirdo for it, but Jimin understood. It was Jimin who suggested doing something to commemorate it, in all its ugly, heavy nuance, and where better to do it than at home? 

Letting loose out in public isn't an option these days. It never was, really, if they'd wanted to be prudent, but right now, with double security every time they step out the door, with the knot in Jungkook's stomach every time he thinks about being out in the open—yeah. Home it is. 

Jungkook's visited Jimin's place only a handful of times before. He remembers it as plain, barely lived in. Nothing's changed.

"You still haven't found an interior designer?" he says, and Jimin looks at him with wide, buggy eyes. It takes a second for his tipsy brain to realise he's only shared the end bit of his thought. "It's still a bit empty, I mean. I can give you the number of mine."

Jimin smirks the way he does when he wants to tease. "If I ever want to live in a vampire's arcade playroom, I'll take you up on that."  

Jungkook scrunches his nose. "It's just so grey." 

"So is yours with the lights on." 

"Yeah, but—you said you'd get someone in after the military, right? It wasn't worth it before, I agree. Fixing something up to your taste and then not getting to live in it for two years, that makes no sense. I regret doing it that way. I had to change everything when I came back, because it didn't feel right anymore." 

"I know." 

"I know you know, I'm just saying. Just saying," he repeats, poking Jimin with his foot. Jimin slaps it away gently, and Jungkook retreats with a giggle. 

With a sigh, Jimin tucks his head on the crook of his arm. "Can you believe it's been two years?" He's pouting. His cheeks are all rosy with that flush that's on its way to drunk, and he's clearly taking a detour to sentimental moodiness. "What the hell. It feels like yesterday." 

"And like it was ten years ago." 

"Exactly." His eyes are far away. "Was it even me who lived all that?" 

Ah, Jungkook's not here for a tearful night. He wants ease, he wants laughter—he needs to switch gears before they both sink into it. "Unless you got someone really, really good to replace you, I can confirm it was you." He nods, self-assured. "And I would know." 

"Oh yeah?" Jimin indulges him, that melancholy air already dissipating a touch. "How would you, if he were really, really good? A clone, or like, a shape-shifting alien or something. You wouldn't know." 

Offensive. "Of course I would? I know you inside and out. There's nothing that alien could do to fool me. Not when I have all of Park Jimin stored," he taps his temple, "right here." 

The smile Jungkook gets back is all endearment. "No, you don't. There's things you don't know." 

"Huh? Have you been keeping secrets from me, Jimin-ssi?" 

A little shrug. "Not secrets, just things we don't talk about." 

"We talk about everything. All these years we've known each other, we've definitely talked about everything. There's nothing I don't know." 

He takes a drink, confident in his convictions and his encyclopedic Jimin knowledge. He eyes Jimin's glass too, and Jimin obediently picks it up and drinks along before refilling for both of them. 

"That's not it."

"Tell me something I don't know, then. I bet you can't." 

"I bet I can." 

Oh, this is perfect. A drinking game will be the perfect distraction. "Go on. Surprise me. If you do it, I take a shot. If you can't, you do. Deal?"

"Deal." 

There's no way. Absolutely nothing that comes out of Jimin's mouth is something that Jungkook wouldn't—

"I've never kissed anyone." 

Jungkook can't have heard that right. "What?" 

"I have," Jimin enunciates clearly, no hint of a joke on his face, "never kissed anyone. On the mouth. Been kissed. Whatever." 

Jungkook still can't have heard that right. Park Jimin, never been kissed? In what world, exactly? 

"You're fucking with me." 

"I'm not." 

"How, hyung? There's no way. Good joke! I mean, you almost got me. Almost. I'll admit it." 

"Jungkook, I am not joking." 

He takes in Jimin's calm expression, his relaxed shoulders, and what the fuck. 

"What do you mean, never?" 

"I mean, never." He clears his throat and then laughs, self-consciously. "What? Why are you looking at me like that? Pick your jaw off the floor. You said to shock you, I shocked you." 

"Yeah, but…" This makes no sense. They've known each other all these years. Jimin isn't shy about sex, so how— "But I've seen you hook up." 

Jimin raises an eyebrow. "No, you haven't." 

"Yes, in—okay, not hook up hook up, but I've seen you go home with people. You've told me about going home with people. You're telling me you never kissed anyone?" 

"What, like I would lie? Why would I lie about this." He tucks his already pretty hair behind his ear. "Anyway, I win. You drink." 

"Hyung—" 

"Drink." He pushes the glass up until it comes to Jungkook's lips. Still processing, Jungkook almost spills the damn thing. "Good boy. Your turn. Something I don't know." 

"No, wait, wait." He wipes his mouth, a little disoriented. He can't just move on from this. "Is it because you never wanted to?" 

"Jungkook-ah," Jimin whines. "Let's drink, come on. Your turn." 

"I'm skipping my turn. I'm curious!" He scoots a bit closer, staring. "Really, why?" 

Jimin huffs. "It's just too intimate." 

"More intimate than sex? How can you even have sex without kissing? Not even making out?" 

There's glint in Jimin's eye now. "There's a lot you can do without kissing." Before images have a chance to form in Jungkook's mind, he continues, "And anyway, I said no kissing on the mouth. Everything else is fair game." 

Jungkook's starting to feel a bit warm under the collar. "So you've never kissed on the mouth." 

"A long time ago. It doesn't even count anymore." 

He could call Jimin out on his technicality, say that he in fact has kissed before, even if it's long ago… but really his brain is stuck. 

"Long enough to say you've never done it…" Jungkook slams down the shot. "Wow. Hyung, you really won." 

Jimin laughs, the tension easing slowly. "I always win." 

Jungkook presses the glass to his cheek, and the coolness of it just brings the inherent weirdness of this into sharp focus. "But what are you waiting for? Like, is it because you're waiting for the right person? Is it because it gives you the ick? It gave me the ick at first too. Maybe you just need to get it over with and it will come back." 

"Get over it, like," he winces, "kiss some random person?" 

"Yeah. Next person you hook up with." At Jimin's displeased face, he nudges him. "What." 

"Gross. I don't know." He huffs, leaning backwards into the plush cushions and stretching. A sliver of his tummy is revealed. "Plus, I think I'm going to be really bad at it. I don't think my pride can take that." 

"So what, you're not going to kiss anyone for the rest of your life?" 

A shrug. A shrug. 

"Hyung, no!" This is unacceptable. This is potentially a crime against humanity. It's a crime against Jimin himself, self-inflicted! Jungkook can't just stand by and watch. "That's so sad. No. We can't let that happen." 

"We? Where do you come into this?" 

"Right here." He scoots closer to Jimin. "Let's do it." 

"What?" 

"Now. Let's do it now. Practice. Get you started." 

The look Jimin gives him is one usually reserved for dumbass overseas interviewers, and honestly, it would cut deep, but Jungkook is on a mission here. 

"Seriously! I don't mind."

"Jungkook, are you insane?" 

"What?" He's got an arm on the back of the couch now, the other next to Jimin, half-leaning over him. "I like kissing. It's the best part." 

Jimin's surprised face softens. "You would say that." 

"So, let's go?" 

He leans in and Jimin catches him by the shoulders, shriek-laughing, sinking further down. 

"Wait, wait!" From up close, Jungkook can smell the alcohol on his breath. "You're being serious. With your serious face." 

"Mm." A nod. It's simple, really. "You said you don't want to be bad at it, so what can you do? Practice. To get better at it." 

"And you want to do that with me?" 

"I don't really mind. A stranger would be awkward, but I'm not a stranger. Plus, we work well together. We could get you acing it in no time." 

Jimin looks at him for another second like he's puzzling him out. "Your brain, sometimes...it's a mystery to me." 

"No, it's not." 

"No, it's not," Jimin agrees, "but you're weird." 

Jungkook settles on his side, leaning on his elbow. He's tucking Jimin into the back of the couch this way, teetering over the edge, so Jimin grabs his shirt to hold him steady. 

"Why is it weird? Kissing doesn't have to be a big deal. It's nice. It just feels good. And you should have that. Not to brag," he smirks, "but I'm a really good kisser." 

Jimin tilts his chin up. "Are you now." 

He hums affirmatively. "Wanna see?" 

Jimin smirks too, tilting his chin up in a show me gesture. 

A challenge, obviously. Jungkook should have known that's all it takes. 

He leans in slowly, warning, "Just a peck at first." 

"I'm not scared, Jeon Jungkook." 

"Just to ease you in, Jimin-ssi." He smiles. This is fun. "Okay?" 

"If you don't move soon, I'll change my—mm." 

Their lips touch, and it only serves to shut Jimin up for a second. A little peck sound, barely heard over the music playing in the background.  

They stare at each other for a second, up close, and burst into laughter. 

The force of the giggles makes it so that Jungkook ends up all over Jimin, lying half on top of him. Even when they calm back down, Jimin doesn't complain, so Jungkook doesn't move. It's cosy like this. Jimin's comfortable and warm. Getting comfier, Jungkook watches Jimin. He's breathing a little deep, arm over his eyes. The flush on the apples of his cheeks has turned from rosy to red. 

"Can't believe you just did that." 

"We did it together." 

"Drunk minds," Jimin sighs, leaning backwards. His hand is splayed over the small of Jungkook's back. "We shouldn't get drunk together anymore." 

As if Jungkook would ever let that happen. "Who will you get drunk with, if not with me?" He huffs. "Admit it. You don't know anyone more fun than me." 

Jimin lowers his hand simply so Jungkook can see him roll his eyes. 

"You don't. Who? Tell me a name. I bet I'm more fun." He comes closer, nose to nose. "I bet, Jimin-ssi, I bet…" He smiles. "I bet I'm your favourite person in the whole world." 

In lieu of confirming or denying, Jimin pinches his nose. 

Jungkook moves back to lay his head on Jimin's chest, chuckling. Ah, this is what he wanted all along. Just Jimin and some drinks and some time together. And hey, he got a little kiss out of it, too. Only a tiny one, but the feeling of Jimin's lips pressed against his own gets tucked away, vivid and new. 

new year's eve

Over the next few weeks, that tiny thing grows into half an obsession. 

Jungkook is no stranger to obsessions. It just so happens that this one is with his best friend's mouth. 

Not just his mouth, but his mouth is his kiss—it's symbolic, or whatever. 

He just can't help but twist and turn and shake this situation in his head, like a box that might contain the answers to his questions. Notably, how the fuck? 

It's not for lack of solicitations, he's sure. Jimin is pretty. That's a fact of life. Sky is blue, Jimin is pretty. Nothing Jungkook can do about that. Can't get himself to unnotice. He's always noticed. And he's also noticed other people noticing. A crazy amount. He might have a romantic heart, but he's not naive enough to believe that everyone he's seen over the years undressing Jimin with their eyes wanted to simply hold his hand. 

A pretty mouth like that, going unkissed. Jungkook can't really wrap his mind around it. And what's more, he let Jungkook do it. That fleeting, blink-and-you-miss it thing is more than Jimin's kissed anyone in years, apparently. 

Jungkook meant it when he said kissing to him is the best part. To think Jimin doesn't know that softness, that intimacy… the way it can make things so much hotter, too, so much more real… closer, as close as it gets. 

It's just a huge shame, that's all. 

That's all he's thinking about when Jimin gets up from next to him, saying he'll go out to get some air. For a smoke, he means. A craving lights at the pit of Jungkook's stomach, and it brings him back to reality: the sparkling clothes, the champagne glasses, and the terribly fucking boring conversation. The clock is showing half an hour to midnight.

He'll be damned if the new year finds him alone in the middle of a crowd and dissociating. 

He finds Jimin on the private rooftop, empty for the moment. 

"Hey." 

"Hey." Jimin smiles with the side of his mouth, cigarette caught between his lips and lighter poised to light. "You came down from your little Jungkookie planet?" 

He snorts, heading to Jimin, his back to the railing. "I did, and landed in the middle of the most boring conversation ever."

"I know. I felt my spirit age inside my body." 

Jungkook laughs, then lifts a hand towards the cigarette. "Can I?" 

Jimin hums. "Maybe if you earn it." A release of smoke, pretty tendrils dissolving. "Entertain me. Come on, favourite person." He chucks Jungkook under the chin. "Show me what you can do." 

His lips purse around the cigarette, and Jungkook can't help but stare. 

Jimin doesn't smoke often. It's something he's only done a handful times in Jungkook's presence—something about giving the good example, that instinct driving him forward. 

But they've been breaking down those barriers steadily for years. Jungkook has been drilling holes in those walls and peeking at Jimin on the other side, the real Jimin—the one that isn't bound by some sort of good son, good example, good hyung convention. The one that smells of smoke sometimes. The one that hasn't been kissed. 

So inevitably, what comes out of his mouth is, 

"Do you know about shotgunning?"

Jimin's eyes widen. "Dude!" 

"Okay, so you do." He crosses his arms over his chest. "Have you done it before? Does it count as a kiss in your book?" 

Jimin lowers his voice. "You seriously want to discuss this?" 

"I'm just saying, it would be entertaining." 

Jimin laughs, caught. 

"Wouldn't it? Admit it." He presses closer into Jimin's side. "You asked for entertainment, and I'm providing." 

"You're providing a headache." 

"I can kiss it better." 

Jimin's eyes widen, scandalised. "Jeon Jungkook, who the fuck even are you?" 

He passes him the cigarette, and despite taking a long, satisfying drag, that craving doesn't go away. 

"I can't believe you're still thinking about this," Jimin whispers, looking at him sideways. They're alone up here, but he's still keeping his voice down, like they're doing something wrong. 

"It wasn't that long ago, and we left the conversation in the middle." He passes the cigarette back to Jimin, who immediately brings it to his lips. Indirect, but still a kiss. Does that count? "Plus, I know you would like it if you only were kissed properly." 

"And you'll do that for me?" 

"Would have done it already if you hadn't chickened out." 

He sees the challenge settle in Jimin's eyes. He sees it take hold and override the intelligent part of his brain that knows Jungkook's just saying this to rile him up. 

"Okay then." He stubs the cigarette out and turns to Jungkook. "Go on." 

Jungkook blinks. "Really." 

A nod. His arms are crossed over his chest. As if he notices, he uncrosses them.  Clearing his throat. 

So tense, and for what? 

Jungkook tickles him on the side. "Don't be so scared. It's not that serious, remember? Kissing can just be fun. It can be anything you want it to be." 

"What if I want it to be over."

"Smartass, Jimin-ssi." 

"I can't believe I'm letting you talk me into this." 

"You didn't need all that much talking." 

"You know? I think I'll head back down and age some more."

He goes to move away, but Jungkook laughs and holds him still. "Okay, okay, okay." He rubs his hands up and down Jimin's arms. "Serious now." He makes the corresponding focusing gesture. "Serious. Can I touch you? Your waist?" 

A nod. 

Jungkook poses his hand on Jimin's waist. He presses gently to move him forward, and then they're nearly chest to chest. 

"I'll just stand here and wait," Jungkook says quietly. "You kiss me first. It can help you feel like you have more control." 

"Aish, don't take that teacher tone with me." 

"Okay, okay." Giddy laughter bubbles up in Jungkook again, but he holds it in. Talking clearly makes Jimin even more nervous, so he shuts up.

For a moment, nothing happens. The city lives bright and beautiful beneath them, and up here, they're entirely still and silent in each other's arms.

Jungkook tips his head upwards, and their lips almost brush together. 

"Okay, wait." Jimin pulls back, licking his lips. "I'm not sure I can do this."

"Why not?" 

"It's weird, Jungkook-ah." He's not looking at him. "We're—doing this out here while our friends are in there, probably wondering where we are. Just… it's strange." He pulls away, removing Jungkook's hand. "It's strange. I'll go back. Okay?" He pats Jungkook's chest reassuringly. "I'll see you out there." 

He looks at him for a long second, eyes flickering everywhere—including Jungkook's mouth—before he heads back downstairs. 

Jimin bolts out of there the second after the countdown's over, citing work tomorrow as an excuse, but insisting Jungkook stay and enjoy himself. He only makes it about another hour, rebuffing the attention of a girl who had been trying to sit next to him the whole night and seized her opportunity when Jimin left. 

At home, in bed, he can't relax. Jimin had smiled at him all wrong as he left, and it just feels like a thread is loose between them. There's no way he'll sleep if they don't settle this, and he's sure Jimin's feeling the same. 

He skips introductions and writes, i really would have done it seriously. i wouldn't make fun of you or anything. no teasing, even. 

The response is immediate. 

don't think about all that 
try to sleep, we need to be at work at noon and it's already 4am 

why aren't you sleeping, then? 

hyper, i don't know 
i think i'm a bit stressed for tomorrow's practice 

it'll be fine
that's not it 

oh yes tell me how i feel 

i think you're feeling some kind of way about the kissing thing 
i think you want to do it but something's blocking you 
if it's me teasing you then i won't, hyung. i really won't. i know it can be strange to feel like you're behind or something
i don't think you are! but maybe that's what you think 
so that's why i offered 
because it feels good and i think you'd like it and i think it's silly to not have it because you haven't got anyone to practice it with 
it's like dance practice, isn't it? if i know a bit and i can show you how to get it then i will 

i know you wouldn't be mean about it 
it's not just that 

then? 

don't you think it's weird? doing this between us? 

i don't 

it's an intimate thing 

you and i have done more intimate things 
how many times have we cried together? isn't that more intimate than a kiss? 

maybe 
i don't know, i feel like 
i feel like doing something like that can be trouble 

but no one will find out 
it's just you and me 
and if it's just you and me then it's only us that matter 
i'm okay with it 
so if you are too then that's all we need 

i don't know
I'll think about it 
can i think about it? 
or is it a limited time offer? 

it's unlimited 
park jimin privileges 

dork 
okay then 
sleep, okay? 

back at you 
you'll complain tomorrow that your face is all puffy 

well then you'll be puffy with me, won't you? 

puffy team for the win 

january

Dance practice is long, long, long. 

Jungkook had forgotten what it's like to do this together—the matching each other's rhythm, the collective energy they need to keep up, the ruthless precision they demand of themselves. He's wiped by the end of it, dripping with sweat, hair tangled and crazy looking. 

Jimin's looking perfect, nothing to betray the exertion but a flush on his cheeks and a sheen of sweat down his throat. They haven't had the chance to talk yet, so Jungkook's still feeling out of sorts. As the others start filing out, towels around their necks, he approaches him with half a demand and half an excuse. 

"Hyung, can you show me this bit?" He shows the two successive steps he can't quite get right. "Just for a sec?" 

"Sure thing. Here?" He repeats the move, smooth and precise. Jungkook nods. "Okay, let's go slow." 

Jimin's teaching style is gentle. It's showing, it's repetition, gradually increasing the rhythm until it feels natural and ready. Jungkook follows him, and it takes them no time at all to figure it out. They run over the entire thing one more time, and then one more time, and it's half an hour later and Hoseok sticks his head through the door, freshly showered, and frowns at them. 

"No over-exerting yourselves! We're back here tomorrow." He's still in sharp mode. "Cool down properly and get home." 

"Yes, teacher!" 

Jimin bows to him deeply, barely holding back his smile. Jungkook follows his lead, bending down at a ninety degree angle and catching his eye as they're both up-turned. The giggles break out then, and as Hoseok throws a swear word and a wet towel in their direction before leaving, they collapse on the floor. Jungkook ends up starfished with Jimin's head on his stomach.

When their laughter dies down, Jimin wipes his eyes and sighs. "Ah, that was a good day." 

"Mm." Deep breath, closed eyes. He's satisfied, but his body is going to hurt tomorrow, cool down or not. "Productive. Ah, this choreo is going to be really impressive, but it's so hard to learn." 

"Did you actually…" A shake of his head. "Nah, nevermind." 

"Did I actually what." He lifts his head a bit, catches Jimin's eye in the mirror. "What?" 

"Did you actually need help," he mumbles, picking at the underside of his nails. "Or did you just pretend to make a point?" 

"Huh? Why?" 

"You know when you were saying about...about how that whole thing to you is just like dance practice." 

"Ah." Is that where his mind went? Maybe he's thinking about it just as much as Jungkook is. "No, I actually needed help. Why would I waste your time like that?" 

"Mm." Jimin hums. "Okay. Well." Jungkook can sense there's more coming, so he stays still. "Well, I'll be going now." 

Jungkook catches his wrist. "Or you can come to mine." He sits up, scooting closer so Jimin sits between his legs. "Play some video games and eat something." 

Jimin squints at him. "Eat what." 

"What do you want." 

"Tteokbokki." Jimin says like it's a challenge. "Homemade. Extra cheesy." 

"Hell yeah. Delicious." He jumps up first, the muscles in his thighs complaining a little. He reaches a hand down to Jimin. "Let's go." 

Jimin groans. 

"Ah, maybe we shouldn't have eaten so much." 

"I didn't eat anything the rest of the day," Jungkook says easily, stacking the plates on top of each other to deal with later. "And I bet neither did you. It's fine." 

"It's fine, it's fine," Jimin repeats, fidgeting with the top of his beer can. "Is everything so easy in Jungkookie world?" 

"Mm, why not? What's guilt going to do? I had a delicious dinner. Isn't that what matters?" 

"But if you're puffy tomorrow when we're filming the dance practice?" 

"Then I am." A shrug. He lies down on his stomach, facing Jimin. "I can't worry about all that anymore, hyung. I told you, after the military… I want to spend my time well. Not waste it. Thinking about dieting and all that shit after having done the damage, that's wasting it. No, here's what matters: was it delicious?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay. Then I'm happy." 

Jimin looks at him. Something makes Jungkook look back, get caught. 

"What? Sauce on my chin?" 

Jimin shakes his head. "You say you know me so well," he starts, voice low and contemplative, "and I know you too. But after all this time, you still surprise me." 

"That's good, isn't it? Keep you on your toes. I'd be boring, otherwise." 

"You could never be boring." 

"Ah, Jimin-ssi, aren't you being too nice?" He leans forward on his elbows, landing close to Jimin. "What's that all about?" 

Jimin, still caught in his little reverie, lifts up a hand to brush some hair away from Jungkook's face. The length translates into poofiness, especially now it's air-drying. 

"I think you've got a lot to teach me," he mutters. "Always have. I've learned a lot from you, even though you're the younger one of the two of us. And the way I've leaned on you, it's not…" He sighs a little sigh. "I'm just thinking, why not this too?" 

Jungkook's ears perk up. "You mean." 

"Mm." Jimin's biting his lip. "We've never been that normal, have we? Our relationship." 

"Normal's a lie, anyway." Jungkook says, his stomach twisting in anticipation, because Jimin's lowering himself down on his elbows too, mirroring Jungkook's position. They're both lying on the sofa on their bellies, facing each other, close. "I've been telling you." 

"You have." Jimin's still anxious, Jungkook can tell. "You have." 

"So, you're thinking—you want to try? You don't have to. Hyung, if you really don't want to, you never have to." 

Jimin shakes his head. After a moment, "No teasing, right? And it stays between us? Strictly?" 

Jungkook mimes zipping his mouth. "No one will ever know." 

"And it's only kissing." 

"Yes," Jungkook says, shutting down any other kind of possibility in his brain. "Kissing, as much as you're comfortable with. You call it." 

"I call it," Jimin repeats, nodding. "Okay." He still seems to struggle internally, and Jungkook almost gets up, almost tells him it's a silly idea, but then Jimin says, "I'm trusting you with this." There's something heavy in his voice that touches Jungkook's heart. Their noses brush together. "I'm—Kook-ah, I'm trusting you."

"I know." He tips their foreheads together and thinks of how their dog-tags overlapped— always resting on top of each other, one protecting the other. "I've got you." 

With a trembling breath, Jimin leans in. 

There's no giggling, this time. Just a soft touch of lips. 

Jimin doesn't seem to know what to do after that. Jungkook kisses him one more time before softly whispering instructions. Open slightly. Focus on the top lip. A little more. That's it. Breathe, hyung. 

Jimin lets himself be guided. Jungkook's neck hurts from the position they're in, but he doesn't want to scare Jimin away, so he stays and stays. Eventually, he has to tip his head to the side to get an easier angle, and Jimin makes a soft, surprised sound. 

"Okay?" Jungkook mutters. 

"Mm." He pulls back, licking his lips—Jungkook watches the action, too in it still to pull away. "Was that…" He's got his eyes closed. "How was it." 

"I should be asking you."

"It was…" He brings his fingers to his bottom lip, squeezing. "Hm." 

"Yah," Jungkook says, sensing the fragility of the moment, "are you trying to erase my kiss?" 

Jimin smiles immediately, letting out a relieved little giggle. "It wasn't bad." 

Jungkook brings a hand to his heart. "Ouch." 

"No, it—shut up, it wasn't bad. It was just a bit—much. A bit different. Cause I haven't done it in so long." 

"When was last time?" Jungkook leans his head on his palm. "Was it really so traumatising?" 

"It was…" He bites his lip in thought now, and it's red, and Jungkook forces his eyes away. "Back during our first group break." 

Jungkook frowns through a murky memory. "When I asked you to meet up and you said you couldn't?" 

Jimin nods. "I was meeting up with my high school, um. Not boyfriend, exactly, because we never said…" He shrugs. "It was a low-key thing. We never used those words for each other. When we were together we would kiss sometimes, back then. Not very often. It wasn't easy to find somewhere safe." 

Jungkook listens with a heavy heart. He knew Jimin was with someone during high school, but he never had details of this person. Jimin's cagey about these kinds of things. He'll talk about sex, but relationships? He slithers away from discussing those. Even their own, Jungkook realises. All the things they've been through together, Jimin has never put a word to it.  

"So that time, during that break, when I met him…" He scrunches up his shoulders. "I went to lean in, you know. I hadn't seen him in so long. I thought it was still okay. But he stopped me. He grabbed my shoulder really hard and pushed me, and he said that everything we'd done had been a stupid youthful mistake and to forget about it. To never speak to a soul. He was engaged, to a woman. He kept calling us classmates, like… like we were never anything more." 

Jungkook can't stand it. "That asshole." 

Jimin shakes his head. "Don't say that." 

"I should be saying a lot worse!" He's so angry on Jimin's behalf, even though Jimin has a resigned sort of calm about him. "That piece of shit, seriously. How could he do that to you?" 

"He just wanted to protect the life he was building." 

"By denying everything you were? By denying you? Fucking jackass." 

"You don't even know him." 

"He's lucky, too." He shakes his head. "I swear. No wonder that shit traumatised you." 

"It's not—" Jimin folds his hands together and lays on top of his palms. "It's not that it traumatised me. I just figured after that, with the life we were living… those kinds of relationships weren't on the table anymore. Sex is one thing. It's release. But kissing… that's different. That bonds you to someone differently." He averts his eyes. "That's what I thought back then. And then it became a habit, and then it was too late to change it, so here we are." 

Jungkook mirrors him. Their noses touch. "Here we are. Handsome international superstars." He crosses his eyes on purpose to make Jimin laugh, and he gets a fond smile. "That guy cries himself to sleep at night wishing he was still with you." 

Jimin's smile gets wider. "His wife must wonder." 

"His kids, too. His kids have posters of you all over their walls, and he has to look at your face every time he enters his daughter's bedroom." 

Jimin laughs, falling to his side. "Stop, that's weird." 

"You're a household name, Jimin-ssi," Jungkook pokes his cheek again and again, "and a heartthrob. Korea's prince. The world's favourite idol." 

Jimin hides his face to stop the attack and to hide his cringe. "Shut up." 

Jungkook does not. He shimmies forward to continue poking onto Jimin's chest, his stomach. Jimin squirms, laughing, and somehow he ends up below Jungkook, looking up at him with pretty eyes, wet from tears of laughter. 

Jungkook nudges his cheek one more time before letting his thumb run gently over it. "Well, I'm glad I was better than that guy." 

"Mm." Jimin confirms, eyes on Jungkook's lips. "Was I bad?" 

"You were shy. You don't have to be." He's got both his hands framing Jimin's face now, thumbs running gently over Jimin's jaw. Soft, pretty skin, so pleasing to the touch. "We'll work on it." 

"How long is this offer on the table?" 

"Unlimited trial period. On account of being Park Jimin." 

"Korea's prince?" 

Words sit on the tip of Jungkook's tongue. My band-mate. My hyung. My best friend. 

None of them taste quite right. 

He shakes his head, and leans down to plant a kiss on the corner of Jimin's mouth. "Thanks for the trust, your highness." 

Eyes fluttering closed, Jimin smiles. His hand reaches up to touch Jungkook, landing on his nape, so Jungkook stays for a minute, tucked into Jimin's neck, cheeks brushing. 

isn't it too intimate? Jimin's words come back to him. 

As he melts into Jimin's hold, tired from the day, wrung out from the kiss, the anger, the newness of it all, he knows he doesn't give a shit about it being too anything.

They're at his favourite restaurant, at the end of a long, fun day, on the eve of week-long break, and yet—Jungkook is anxious. 

The atmosphere has been relaxed and easy so far, the same way it always is when they book a place just for them and the crew to block out prying eyes. Jungkook's sitting in between Taehyung and Hoseok, Jimin on the other side of the table to him, and that's kind of been bothering him, actually. 

He can't really put his finger on why. He just finds himself drifting to stare at Jimin, resting his gaze on him naturally. Jimin catches his eye multiple times, amusing himself at making faces back at him. 

As the rest of the members toss their plans for the break around, Jungkook just tries not to get his bad mood get the better of him. He has no plans—long days of a broken-up sleep schedule and empty rooms fill his thoughts, and he hates it. 

He thinks of Jimin a lot, in those quieter moments. It's a constant stream in his head, the Jimin wondering. What is he up to right now. Is he at home? Did he have a schedule today? How did it go? And recently, something new has been added to the rotation: 

I wonder when he'll kiss me again. 

It just felt good. It fed that part of Jungkook that's been missing Jimin being close. It filled him up in a way, in a kind of closeness they've never explored before, so it's only natural to wonder. 

Hoseok slings his arm over Jungkook's shoulder. "What about you, Jungkook-ah? Looking forward to our time off?" 

"He hates time off," Yoongi says from Hoseok's other side, "he never knows what to do with himself. Half the time he ends up back at the company." 

"Couldn't be me," Jin says, lamenting. "Rest is rest." 

"Amen," Taehyung says, clinking his drink against Jin's. "I take after hyung. I love my rest." 

"What are your plans, though?" Hoseok asks. "I know Namjoonie's heading out of town. Everybody else?" 

"My parents are visiting," Jimin says simply, with that little shine in his eye. He loves when his folks come. Jungkook shouldn't bother him during these days, he thinks, and shrinks a little. "So I'll be with them most of the time. Jungkookie, too." 

His head snaps up at hearing his name. "Really?" 

Jimin laughs. "They've been hounding me to see you, so yes. Sorry, you don't get a say." 

Just like that, Jungkook has plans. 

The week passes by in a breeze, in the end. 

A few days catching up on sleep, and then lunch with Jimin's parents—where they ask him to stay for a walk, and then dinner, and somehow it's three days later and the four of them have spent it all together. Jungkook didn't even notice the time pass. Jimin's parents are lovely, and Jungkook always gets a kick out of meeting the members' families—he sees glimpses of them in their faces, mannerisms, and wonders which one of them they'll take after in their old age. 

Jimin's parents treat him like their own son, too, so it was almost like having his own family up here. And Jimin gets so happy when they're around, the most eager host, the most perfect son. The cigarettes are nowhere in sight, then. Jungkook will ask where he hides them next time he visits. 

They're driving back from the station now, and Jimin's a little melancholy, staring out the window quietly.

"Your dad can eat me under the table," Jungkook says, to break the silence. "I had forgotten that." 

Jimin hums. "Mom can drink you under the table too, but she's too proper to try yet." He turns to Jungkook with a feeble smile. "Come to our house for the holidays though and you'll see." 

"Done." Jungkook smiles as he turns the corner to Jimin's street. It would be nice. See Jimin's parents, see his own. Maybe everyone could go out to dinner together? 

Jimin's still looking down, though. 

"Did you have fun?" Jimin nods. "Why the long face, then, Jimin-ssi?" 

"You'll think it's silly." 

"Maybe."  They enter the underground parking lot. "But come on, you can't leave me curious." 

"I guess I'm just a bit…" He sighs. "I'm just a bit jealous." 

Jungkook frowns. The car slows to a stop. "Jealous?" 

"They've been married all these years." Jimin's fidgets with the ring on his finger, twisting it around. "Since they were so young. Had kids. Lived so much life. And they're still holding hands every time they're out." He smiles, but it's loaded with something sad. "Isn't it incredible?" 

Jungkook turns a little to the side to see him better, though he's got his massive hood on. He pushes it back a bit. "I see." 

"Silly, right." He sniffs. "To be jealous of my own parents." 

"It's not silly to want what they have. I don't think it is." 

"What am I, a teenager? Holding hands with someone, that's so…" He shakes his head, a little annoyed at himself. "That's so childish. Seeing that and feeling so left behind, just because I don't—I've never…" He squirms. "Out in public. With someone. I can't have that." 

"Not now," Jungkook says, "but maybe one day." 

Jimin huffs like the notion is ridiculous. "When, Jungkook? Who will ever be that to me? With the lives we have, who will ever approach me honestly, approach me for me and not for—not for everything they think I am?" There's something tight in his voice. "It's over." 

"It's not—hey, what? It's not." He really doesn't think so. He unbuckles the seatbelt and tries to move closer, instinctively seeking to comfort through touch with a hand on Jimin's arm. "Of course it's not. Nothing is over. We're just starting out. We still have so much to live." 

"So much, but not that." Jimin insists. 

"I don't believe that. I don't." 

Jimin looks up at him. He looks sad. "Now I've made you all upset. I'm sorry." 

"You can't believe all that." If love is what Jimin wants, then the universe has to give it to him. "Out of—out of everyone in the world, billions of people, you really think no one out there will ever see you?" 

Jimin shakes his head. "I can't explain it." 

"Because it doesn't make sense. Yeah, we've dealt with shitty people. Yeah, a lot of them are out there trying to gain something from us. But not everyone." 

"Yeah, well, I've been wrong one too many times." 

"That's not your failing," Jungkook insists, tightening his grip. "That's theirs." 

He sighs like Jungkook doesn't get it. "You always have something to say." 

"And when have I been wrong, hm?" He juts his chin. "Tell me." 

Jimin cracks a smile. "You're getting cocky with age." 

"And it suits me, right?" 

Jimin pinches his cheek. "Where did my sweet little shy Jungkookie go?" 

"On half a dozen tours and to the military," Jungkook says, and that seems to break through Jimin's moodiness completely, because he folds in two in laughter. Jungkook falls into it with him, relieved he's not going to let Jimin go home in that depressed state of mind. 

Jungkook keeps close even when their giggles calm. "Admit it, Jimin-ssi, I'm always right." 

"So bold, and you know what?" Jimin leans back, a ghost of a smile on his face. "You haven't been right about the kissing yet." 

A flame licks Jungkook's insides at the mention. I wonder when, I wonder when. "Oh? How so?" 

"You said it's the best part. I haven't felt anything close." 

"I'm easing you in, I told you. This is a serious course, Jimin-ssi." 

"I might drop out at this rate." 

"What, you're telling me you're ready to take it to the next level?" He's floating high, practically closing the distance already. 

"Do your best, teacher," he says, "though if I don't see results soon, then—" 

Jungkook brings him in with a hand on his nape, and this kiss is open from the start. 

Jimin follows his lead easily, like they're in sync even in this. The little hesitant pecks they'd exchanged before are nowhere to be seen. This is all deep, all at once. Jungkook needs to stop himself from taking it too far, leaning back to whisper instructions into Jimin's mouth—slick, that's it—move, don't be afraid to—yeah, that's better—your hand, you can grip, you can—mm, yes, that's— 

He can't keep it up for long. Eventually, he just sinks into it. 

Jimin's just a dream to kiss. Pillowy lips, perfect for lingering, and an eager mouth that opens up for him as soon as Jungkook tries, and everything becomes their kiss. A haze of breaking apart and coming back together again, more and more and more intense, until Jungkook's forgotten all about practicing and guiding, focusing only on pulling those little pleased sounds of Jimin—on making sure he feels good, he feels seen, he feels safe. 

By the time they break off, they're both breathing a little harder than before. 

They've tipped their foreheads together, catching their breaths. Jimin's hand, Jungkook realises, is clutching at his shirt. Jungkook's own are still holding on to Jimin's face, so he loosens his grip a little. 

"That felt at least like two levels." Jimin mutters. 

"Extra credit." 

Jimin snorts, pushing him away. His shoulders are relaxed now, his eyes shining, and, oh—his lips are even redder, even fuller than usual. Jungkook's own must look the same. 

Something licks at his insides again, and it doesn't subside as Jimin says his goodbyes, as he leaves, as Jungkook drives back and washes up and settles down in bed. It stays there, burning in the pit of his stomach, the whole rest of the night. 

february

Photo-shoots and music video recordings become the norm again—days off are few and far between now, and time passes in a rush of work. 

Jungkook has been having trouble keeping up with the gym. This week, he's making an effort. At least one hour per day, no excuses. He's on day three so far, motivation wavering a little, which is why he's glad he's got a gym buddy today. 

Jimin's on the treadmill as Jungkook lifts weights. They haven't been speaking to each other, focused on their own things, but having someone here with him is helping him stay focused. 

That is, until Jimin decides to come bother him. 

"Is that all you can do?" He settles on the floor, legs open and wide in front of him, staring at Jungkook. "You're out of shape, Jungkook-ssi." 

Jungkook doesn't take the bait—it's Jimin's way of ending the session sooner and heading out to dinner, and Jungkook can't give in. 

But even as he goes on with his work-out, Jimin stares. Unabashedly, openly. He starts to count for him, and Jungkook instinctively wants to push and push. Wants to show off a little. It's the feeling of that look crawling all over him. 

He actively tries to keep his mind away from that kiss. It's his new routine every time Jimin comes a little too close. Don't think about it, don't think about it. Don't think about it slick and open, don't think about the way it felt to hold Jimin so close, kissing in a car in an underground parking lot, clandestine and hot. Don't think about how it strayed from what it needs to be, what Jungkook promised it would be. 

With a groan, he puts the weight down and crumples to the floor, completely spent. 

Jimin sits down next to him with a smile. "You've done well." He pats his chest. "Three out of seven done." 

Jungkook pretends to die dramatically, clutching his heart and trapping Jimin's hand in the process.

Jimin laughs. "You chose this. Little show off that you are," he flicks his nose, "thinking you can keep up with a full time schedule and every day working out. What, you think you're still twenty?"

This again. Why does he keep insisting they're old and haggard? So much for the young forever tattoo. 

"Ah, I'm exhausted," Jungkook whines. "I think I might actually die." 

"Not allowed," Jimin proclaims with another flick to his nose. "Absolutely not. I'll be going first." 

Jungkook laughs. "Aw, Jimin-ssi, you'd miss me?" 

Jimin looks at him a second too long, and those dog-tags come to mind again, metal pressed cold and hard against their skin. "Wouldn't you miss me?" 

"Like a limb," Jungkook says, and means it. Then, to lighten it up, "This one, with all the tattoos." 

"Oh, not that one. So expensive." 

"And so pretty," Jungkook continues. "Everyone thinks of it when they think of me. It's such a huge part of me." 

"And you'd miss me like that?" He looks thoroughly unimpressed. "Jeon Jungkook, you old charmer. I'm starting to see where you got all that experience from." 

"I'm not a charmer. I just say what I think." 

"You're a flirt. No wonder you get all the girls." 

"I get all the boys, too," he reminds him. 

"Right." Jimin nods, like he had actually forgotten. "Go get them, then, what are you doing here with me on a dirty gym floor?" 

As Jimin gets up, Jungkook stays, looking up at him from the floor. "I'm exactly where I want to be."

Jimin dismisses him by ruffling his hair. "Go be in the shower, hm?" 

Jungkook watches him leave without looking behind, and something burns in him. 

Why won't Jimin stay? 

He's always the first one to break away laughing, to stop, to turn away. Like he's eager to run from whatever it is they're doing here. 

Jungkook doesn't feel the need to run away. Jungkook is burning to run towards. 

But he promised Jimin it would be practice, it would be led by him, and it would be as much as Jimin wanted and no more—never more. 

So Jungkook goes to the shower and stews in those feelings, picturing what the afternoon would have been like if Jimin had kissed him on that dirty gym floor.