Archive of Our Own

"As I always say..." Vila said with a hopeful smile. "Stealing's usually quicker."

"Indeed," his large and decidedly unsmiling companion answered. "It is also illegal."

"Well... there is that, of course. But most anything that is fun is, isn't it?"

"No."

Vila gave him a look. "You wouldn't be related to Kerr Avon, would you? That's just the sort of thing I have to put up with from him all the time."

"I am unfamiliar with this person."

"Half your luck. Anyway -"

"Enough of this," Teal'c growled and loomed - rather more than was at all necessary, Vila thought. "You will return what you have taken."

"But -"

"We cannot return you to your own time and place until you do."

"But I don't want to go home! There's too many people there who want to kill me -"

"That is not surprising."

"You are related to Avon," Vila grumbled. "I don't like people trying to kill me. Being dead would be bad for my health."

"Then you will return the stolen items. And divulge how it is that you succeeded in breaching the SGC security -"

"I told you," Vila couldn't help a thread of smug achievement to colour the nervous whine, "there isn't a door I can't open if I'm scared enough."

"- And removing the Stargate."

"I'm a thief! It's what I am, and stealing's not only quicker, it's what I'm good at."

"It was," Teal'c acknowledged, "extremely well done."

"Well, thank you, a bit of appreciation..."

"You will, however, " Teal'c overrode calmly, "do as I say. For if you do not," with the bare twitch of the lips that was, for Teal'c, an evil smirk, "then I will ensure your health is 'bad'... permanently."