Chapter Text
WPNZ watched as the rain hit the cafe window. The world around him fading as he focused on the droplets sliding down the glass pane out of sight. WPNZ probably could've stayed watching the rain for hours if not for the sharp shove to his side. "What the hell!" WPNZ glared at the psycho bitch of a woman beside him "Don't 'what' me when you're the idiot staring off!" WPNZ shoulders sagged as his head fell back against the plush cushioning making up the booth they sat in.
"Well forgive me for not feeding your attention seeking ego for five minutes Saiko. Mind explaining to me why out of the five of us here it was me you choose to bother?" WPNZ swung his arm out gesturing to the three idiots sitting opposite of them. "Oi!-"Saiko slammed her hand on the table raising to full height as she leaned over WPNZ, quickly backing him against the window as she came face to face with the assassin in training. "-The only reason I'm talking to you is because Karen didn't show up to practice today! I figured as her boyfriend you'd know why!"
WPNZ faltered. Who?- oh right. Despite the previously with held eye contact WPNZ now found the rest of the cafe way more interesting. "Hell if I know, why don't you just ask her yourself." A sound of annoyance left Saiko as she slammed her hand on the window inches from WPNZ head, eyes glaring down into his own.
"I don't have her number, can't you just text her?"
"No." WPNZ tried to turn his gaze anywhere that wasn't the woman in front of him. Anxiously tapping his fingers against his legs in the hope she'd just drop it. Saiko however the stubborn woman she was decided to push on. "Well why the hell not?!" The hand Saiko didn't have braced against the window began poking at WPNZ chest. "Answer me dammit! Why the hell not." Saiko almost immediately flinching back at the sight of WPNZ eyes going red and dart back to meet hers."Because she broke up with me okay?!"
Saiko backed off completely at that. WPNZ turned his back to her, once again focusing on staring out at the rain. Bob, Chris, and Swag were all staring towards him, whatever they were previously doing before long forgotten. "Wait, you guys broke up!? When did this happen?" WPNZ let out a huff. He came out today to try and forget about it, not talk about it. It wasn't any of these idiots business anyway, she broke up with him big deal. Its just a minor bump in there relationship.
"lolololololol, imagine getting dumped.- OW" Chris slapped the back of swag's head. "What Swag meant to say was cough, Are you okay bro?" WPNZ groaned putting his head in his hands as he leaned his elbows on the table. "Can you all just drop it!?" WPNZ just wanted them to shut up. Couples go through rough patches all the time. In a few days Katana would realize she misses him and come back. The feeling of a blade on his shoulder had WPNZ internally holding back from strangling a man. "Bro, its going to be okay. Now you can get as many bitches as you want! Live the free life." While Bob didn't get his ass handed to him by WPNZ a quick punch from Saiko had Bob falling underneath the table crying about his ovaries.
"Listen-" WPNZ glanced towards Saiko "-you really should talk about-" the vibration of her phone cut her off. Saiko quickly retrieved her phone from her back pocket. A quick glance at the small device pulling a groan from her. "Kaido's stupid motorcycle broke down again, I need to go pick him up." slinging her purse over her shoulder Saiko slid out of the booth.
"Oi! SMG3" The man currently in the process of taking another tables orders tightened his grip on the notepad as he turned to Saiko with the most forced customer service smile any of the group had ever seen on him. "Yes, valued customer?" Saiko rolled her eyes at the act. "I need to go get kaizo, hold my order till I'm back." The customer service act dropped alongside SMG3's notebook. Saiko didn't bat an eye though, already swinging open the cafe's front door.
"I can't hold your- Eggdog's already making it?!" The only dignified response he got was Saiko yelling "Figure something out." as she ran out into the rain towards her motorcycle. The remaining four at the table went back to their previous antics. SWAG and Chris arguing over something relating to there clubs and Bob doom scrolling, WPNZ went back to watching the rain. Katana just needed some time to herself is all. They'd be back together in less than a month tops.
The clinking sound of drinks hitting the table drew WPNZ, Chris, and SWAG's attention to SMG3. "Here you guys go, your usual-" the sound of a phone slamming on the table drew everyone's attention to Bob "Yo! I just had the greatest idea on how we could make some money!" WPNZ wanted to disappear right than and there. SMG3 also cringing at the possible thought of what Bob was about to propose to them. "I don't care how much money it drags in, I am not wearing a dress again!"
"no bro listen!-" Bob faced WPNZ who was already mentally preparing for the absolute worst.
"You need to get laid." A record scratch can be heard as the cafe went silent, the whole group eyeing bob like he was insane. "What?!" Bob held up his knife arms in defense "Listen, listen! Its genius." WPNZ was unsure how in any world and or reality him getting laid could somehow be part of a money making scheme.
"Now that Karen dumped you we can get you somebody new." The entire table had there brows raised at bob. Nobody seeing where he could possible be going with this.
"I don't need somebody new. I looked it up, long-term couples break up or go on breaks once or twice. Its normal, Katana will realize she was wrong and will be back together in a month tops." WPNZ internally bristled at the pitiful looks exchanged at him across the table. SMG3 going as far to look away from him as he rubbed the back of his neck. A groan left WPNZ at there behavior, "Come on you guys are acting like she won't come back."
"She won't if you stay single! Which is why we need to do the scheme."
"Hell you talking about?"
"Hear me out, you stay single till she comes back she'll keep doing this because she knows you won't move on." WPNZ was baffled as he watched Chris, Swag, and SMG3 nod in agreement to the nonsense Bob was spewing. "If we hook you up with somebody she'll get jealous, and realize her mistake faster. Will even make money from it, its a win win."
"Wait how exactly are any of us making money from this." SMG3 had seen a lot of Bobs antics and all the ways he's scammed people for money but even he couldn't quite see his angle for this. "Betting pools."The group stared at him, SMG3 moving his hand in a 'go on' motion. "Think about it! The academy is full of high class big shots. We set WPNZ up with one of them and then we make everyone bet on things like how long they'll last, what milestones they'll reach and when. Its fool proof."
"Yea, nearly fool proof." Bob twisted his head to face Chris who was staring at him with as much of a deadpan expression as his face could make. Bob's eyes turn red as he raised his arms into the air, shouting out "What do you mean nearly?! What about my genius plan isn't fool proof!?"
"For starters. Who of these high class individuals you talked about would even date WPNZ to begin with?" Bob's eyes snapped back to white as he seemed to be processing "Huh." WPNZ glared at Bob as he stared at him already instinctively knowing the idiot was about to do something horrendously stupid. "So…how much money do you make?" If there wasn't a table between them WPNZ would have punched him.
"I'm in the assassination club, how much do you think I make?" Everyone with even a quarter of a brain at Omnia Academy knew which classes were more well off then others. "Money won't help when he looks like that." Swag didn't even flinch upon WPNZ aiming one of his gun modules at him. "Care to elaborate." Chris and Bob leaned as far away from Swag to prevent getting caught in whatever cross fire would surely come.
"See! This is what I'm talking about'" Swag gestured to WPNZ arm "No sense of any gentleness, any woman would look at him and just see a brute. That ain't no way to properly score."
"Bro! He doesn't have to date a woman, worst case scenario there are plenty of men lying around the academy." WPNZ let out a sound of disbelief at what Bob was suggesting "Hold up! None of you know my sexuality what makes you think I'd be caught dead with another man."
"Bro-" Bob did a quick gesture to all of him "-look at you! I don't care which way you swing, but I know for sure you don't just swing one way." A few chuckles of laugher emitted from everyone around the table as WPNZ felt a blue blush rise to his checks in embarrassment. The table shook as WPNZ slammed his hand against it in frustration. "Regardless of my sexuality that doesn't change the fact none of you knuckle heads can even pick a hypothetical partner for me." WPNZ felt a small bit of satisfaction as the three to go into a quiet hushed debate over potential candidates.
Taking advantage of the temporary peace WPNZ reached for his coffee, locking eyes with SMG3 who's stare was practically piercing into him. "Uh, you good man?" WPNZ didn't like the smirk that crossed SMG3's face at the question "Say WPNZ, is that TV guy still your room mate?" The three that were previously whispering among each other looked up at SMG3 as if he were insane. WPNZ just blinked, slowly nodding his head as he took a sip of his drink. "Yea, what about him?" a sinister laugh began building up in SMG3's throat, erupting into full blown maniacal laughter. "This is perfect. That TV will be your new partner."
Faster than any of them could blink Swag had stretched out across the table to grab SMG3 and start shaking him "Are you insane?! Would you seriously suggest WPNZ get with that maniac after what happened last year!?" SMG3 pushed Swag off him and back between Bob and Chris, rolling his eyes as he fixed the wrinkles in his suit. "That's exactly why I'm suggesting him. It'll be the perfect money scheme, AND the perfect revenge."
"Wait, hang the hell on." WPNZ had no idea what any of the guys were talking about what so ever. "Last I checked the TV wasn't that popular, and whats this whole revenge thing?"
"Bro! He's only like one of the most talked about students at Omnia Academy." Bob was elbowed by Swag "Yea but only after last years incident. Before that the only parts of Omnia Academy that knew him were any of the clubs that fell under the art umbrella, and the box club for whatever reason." WPNZ felt mildly intrigued by this. "Whats the deal with this whole, incident?" everyone at the table suddenly seemed to not have the ability to make eye contact as they focused anywhere but WPNZ. SMG3 brows furrowed in annoyance at the sight of everyones behavior, hands clenching into fists.
"It was last years big play that the theater club was hosting. SMG4 was given the role as director instead of Puzzles-"
"Wait" WPNZ raised a hand up to SMG3 completely interrupting him. "Is this tied to the collapse of the schools auditorium?" Around the end of last year the entire academy practically experienced its own earthquake when the auditorium mysteriously came crashing down. The story Omnia Academy sold to the press was that somehow a real bomb had gotten mixed in with the plays prop bombs and that it had gotten set off during a rehearsal. "Do you think he was the one who placed the real bomb?" WPNZ reeled back as SMG3 suddenly slammed his fists on the table, any previous customer service demeanor now gone.
"There was never a bomb! I'm not sure what happened, but all I know is I watched one of my friends slowly drive himself insane over the concept of making this the perfect play." The entire table just stared up at SMG3 with fixed expressions of shocked, disbelief, and fear. "I was there when it happened, me and a few others. We saw that black void filled with a multitude of eyes seep out of him. I watched SMG4's body change as those purple veins infested his body, starting at the tips of his fingers and working there way up to his eye."'
WPNZ shifted back in his seat, clear unease painted on his face. SMG3 was making less and less sense as he tried to hectically explain the events of that day. "You three were there! Can you back me up a bit here?!" Bob, Swag and Chris just looked down away from SMG3, clearly not thrilled about the current topic. Deciding to take mercy on them WPNZ redirected SMG3's attention to him. "How exactly does my room mate tie in with this? Because based off what I'm hearing SMG4 was the one who flipped his own rails." SMG3 seemed appalled by the statement going completely red in the face.
"How do you not see the connection. SMG4 has never once acted like this and the one time he does is after he stole the role of director from Puzzles. The whole scheme was something only Puzzles could orchestrate." WPNZ couldn't for the life of him picture his room mate as the master mind SMG3 is making him out to be. The very few memories he has of his room mate make him out to be like any other theater kid at the academy. Always watching different media's, constantly writing into the dead of night, WPNZ wasn't actually entirely positive he ever saw the TV sleep.
"If he did." Any previous train of thought WPNZ had vanished at the sight of SMG3. Never has WPNZ ever seen SMG3 with such a hateful look in his eyes, and from the looks of everyone else neither had they. "What exactly are you implying Chris?" Chris sighed as he rubbed his eyes "We reported our suspicion to the Academy and even after many investigations they could find no tie between what happened and Puzzles." the staring match between SMG3 and Chris brought a heavy tension to the air of the table. If looks could kill one of the two man would be withering around on the ground in agony.
A loud bark from the barista counter shattered the tension as SMG3 looked back towards the noise. An angry egg shaped dog with a variety of snacks and beverages around him was angrily barking at SMG3. The overworked business owner sighed and began to put back on his customer service persona as he looked at WPNZ. "If you decide to go through with Bob's scheme, ask out the CRT. If you can find any evidence or even get him to admit he sabotaged SMG4 I will give you 30% of the cafe's profits for a year." SMG3 was gone before WPNZ or anyone else at the table could respond.
WPNZ was all over the place mentally. He was humoring the idea at first so they'd stop prying at him about Katana, but now- well now he didn't know what to think about the ordeal. "WPNZ." Chris spoke out eyeing him hesitantly. He opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds seemingly have his own personal inner debate before letting out a defeated sigh. "I don't owe the guy anything, but I don't want you going into this with your only motive being to find evidence against him." oh. It didn't cross WPNZ mind when SMG3 made the deal he'd only get the benefits from it if he proved his roommate guilty.
"If you can prove Puzzles innocent without a shadow of doubt. I, for an entire year to the date you proved him innocent, will use any and all government military club perks and accessibility to help you whenever you ask." Swag let out a gasp as Bob stared wide eyed at Chris. WPNZ himself couldn't believe the proposal. "You serious?" Chris just nodded not even glancing at Swag as his partner whisper yelled into his ear about how stupid he was being. "You realize you're essentially promising me that at any point I could request a jet, tank, or some other military government tech and you by word would have to supply it. Alongside giving me any and all information you have on a particular thing if I ask for it?" WPNZ slowed down his voice making sure to empathize each word as it left his mouth
Chris once again just nodded even going as far to hold out his hand. "If you can prove Puzzles is innocent, to an extent not even SMG3 can deny. The deal is all yours." the entire table held there breath, eyes flickering between the two men. WPNZ was at a loss. He truly had no intention of going through with this bet, not even the slimmest chance…but now. WPNZ wanted to wait for Katana, despite what Bob claimed he knew she'd be back. On the same hand however what assassin in there right mind passes up an opportunity like this.
Honestly it was almost like being assigned a non-lethal hit. They'd done it at the club thousands of times. They'd be assigned some random academy student, then they'd just stalk and learn as much as possible about them. In truth WPNZ did hate that part of the class. It didn't nearly give him the same rush as taking someones life, but this… Sure nobody would be dead by the end of it but he'd be getting a hefty reward regardless. The smirk on WPNZ face as he shook Chris hand was down right despicable, anyone within a ten mile radius would know WPNZ was not up to anything good. "It would be rude of me to turn down such a generous offer, wouldn't it Chris?" the soldier in training maintained a neutral look as he pulled his own hand back to his side.
"Say Bob?" Big white eyes locked onto WPNZ. "How about we talk a little more about what my cut from those betting pools will be." If Bob's eyes suddenly becoming dollar signs wasn't an indicator of how serious things were about to get WPNZ didn't know what they could mean. This was purely transactional, honestly felt most felt he was being hired for a mission rather than some bet among friends. He'd play around with the TV for a bit, get the information he needed and then leave him high and dry.
Katana would understand, any assassin would.