Work Text:
"dAMN" eichi announced as he strode confidently into the yumenosaki dump site
"bACK AT IT AGAIN AT YU-" eichi was cut off by someone yelling,
"EICHI PLEASE WE ARE TRYNNA BIRTH A BABY STOP YELLING"
eichi turned a corner to see who had yelled at him and he found mika crouched down beside shu.
"hi mika how are you on this fine afternoon" eichi greeted him
"hello there eichi I am fine now if you could please go away shu is trying to give birth he needs some space"
"haha nice pun there mika"
"what are you talking about"
"you know, fine, like my unit. nice"
"EICHI PLEASE LEAVE SHU IS UNDER ENOUGH STRESS AS IT IS" mika begged desperately
"ok I'm gone good luck with your baby, shu, you'll be a great father"
suddenly shu's baby shot out and landed in eichi's arms
eichi teared up
"congratulations" he said softly, a single tear streaming down his face
"it's a girl"
"wonderful" announced shu, getting up from his place on a bed of garbage bags
"her name is mademoiselle"
"that's a beautiful name" mika said through tears
"yes" replied shu
shu held mademoiselle in his arms lovingly as mika and eichi watched on proudly
and then all of a sudden
nazuna appeared and vacuumed shu's new baby into his mouth, voring her
"fUCK YOU SHU VALKYRIE SUCKS" he yelled before vanishing again
shu screamed and burst into flames and eichi and mika returned to school as usual
eichi just wanted his dump visits to be how they used to be
peaceful
he may never get it again
the end