Archive of Our Own

The candle Parkinson had left burning flickered and sputtered, about to die but fighting it. The deep green water visible through the window in their dorm room shimmered in the pale light. Scorpius couldn't sleep. He tried turning over onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. He tried counting Thestrals. He tried squeezing his eyes shut tight and willing his mind to relax. None of it worked.

The candle sent sparks toward the ceiling, and then went out for good. Giving up his quest for sleep, Scorpius slid out from beneath his blankets and crept over to Albus's bed. He knelt on the floor, shivering in the cold night air, wearing only his old, soft flannel pyjamas. Fast asleep, Albus looked peaceful, his face relaxed in a way that it rarely did when he was awake. The usual warmth Scorpius felt when looking at Albus or thinking about Albus or shooting stumbling hexes at Albus when he looked too closely at that blonde seventh year from Ravenclaw spread through Scorpius's chest. Albus had a nice face. A lovely face.

So peaceful.

Scorpius moved his mouth right up close to Albus's ear and said his name, not loud enough to wake the other boys, but loud enough to make Albus jump and gasp. And then hit Scorpius repeatedly with his pillow, which was unjust but made Scorpius giggle as he tried to defend himself nevertheless.

'I hate when you do that,' said Albus, putting the pillow back in its proper spot and then rubbing his eyes.

'Dad says that traumatic experiences build character.'

'Then we've already got more than enough character between us,' Albus replied.

'You're being dramatic.'

'You're one to talk. What's wrong with a gentle pat or shake? No, it's got to be Albus right in my ear at full decibels.'

Scorpius grinned. Albus's mouth twitched. Then he grinned as well, rolled his eyes and said, 'Well, get in then, before you freeze to death. You're shivering like a naked Eskimo.'

Eagerly, Scorpius climbed into Albus's bed. Albus grabbed his wand off the bedside table and spelled the green velvet curtains shut. There was only one pillow, so their faces were close, but they kept the previously agreed upon five inches of space between their bodies. As was only proper for two sixteen-year-old blokes snuggled together in a single bed.

Albus pointed his wand toward the canopy, his brow creased with concentration, waved it, and created a ball of light that floated above them. Now they could see each other.

'Well done,' said Scorpius. That warm feeling was back. It was hard to tell in the soft light of the globe, but he thought Albus might be blushing.

'It's an easy spell,' said Albus. 'And I'm getting better at charms.'

'I know,' said Scorpius. He resisted the urge to run his finger down the ridge of Albus's nose.

They gazed at each other for a moment, warmth creeping between them and binding them together like stealthy vines. These were Scorpius's favourite moments: alone with Albus, enclosed in his curtains, as if the world were made up of just the two of them.

'So what's up?' said Albus, breaking the silence. 'What couldn't wait until a decent hour this time?'

'Rose problems,' said Scorpius, his voice solemn.

Albus sighed. 'Didn't we swear never to talk about that? She's my cousin. You're my best friend. The whole thing is just… Gross. I'm sorry, but it is.'

'Yeah,' said Scorpius. 'But you are my best friend, so who else am I going to talk to?'

Albus sighed louder. Loud enough that Scorpius worried he'd wake the other boys. 'It's been two years,' Albus said. 'Shouldn't you have sorted everything out by now?'

Scorpius shrugged a shoulder. 'It's Rose who's complaining.'

'Well, that's a shock.'

'Hush now. You're talking about the woman I quite like.'

'It's just… You know nothing's ever going to be good enough for her, right? She's so competitive. Got to be the best at Quidditch, the very top of the class, the most popular. Honestly, I'm shocked you two have lasted this long.'

Scorpius covered up his hurt by smiling. 'I'm going to choose not to take that as an insult.'

His eyes widening, Albus quickly said, 'It's not! I didn't mean it that way. You know I didn't.' He bit his lip, eyes flickering to Scorpius's and then away again. 'I think you're brilliant. The best. You know that.' He shifted on the bed a bit. 'Don't you?'

The hurt melted away. 'It's nice to hear you say it, though.'

They smiled at each other. A delicious shiver ran the course of Scorpius's skin. Albus. Albus. Again, he resisted the urge to reach out and touch. They had rules, decorum to maintain.

'So what is it, then?' asked Albus. 'What is the problem? Why couldn't it have waited until morning or next week or never?'

Scorpius knew Albus wouldn't like the next bit. He took a strengthening breath and then said, 'It's kissing.'

Sure enough, Albus went stiff beside him. 'No,' he said. 'Absolutely not. We're not talking about this.' He shook his head as if his words weren't enough to make his point.

'But we have to,' said Scorpius. 'There's no one else I can ask. And you… Well, you've got more experience. Sophie Woodfield? You know. That time in fifth year after Jacob snuck in the bottle of firewhisky?'

'I barely remember that,' said Albus.

'I remember it,' said Scorpius, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice. 'It was like someone had cast a hoover charm on your mouths. And it lasted for ages. You were making these little noises. Mmch, mmch–'

'Stop it! We've talked about that. It didn't mean anything. I don’t even like Sophie.'

'You sure seemed to like her at the time.'

'Scorpius.' Albus was pleading with him, so Scorpius decided to let it go. For now.

'Listen,' said Albus. 'Are you trying to tell me that in a whole two years you and Rose have never even… kissed?'

Scorpius felt his face heat. 'We have kissed. We have. But… She said we were too young during fourth year. And then we tried it out a bit in fifth year. But… It never feels right.' His face grew even hotter. 'I think I'm doing it wrong. And she says that if we don't sort it out we're going to have to break up.'

'And you don't want to?' asked Albus in a quiet voice.

'She's my girlfriend,' said Scorpius. 'You're not meant to want to break up with your girlfriend. Are you?' He blinked. 'Are you, Albus?'

'I've never had a girlfriend.'

'Well,' said Scorpius. 'I'm not going to become a better kisser through magic. Unless there's a spell for that. There can't be a spell for that. Do you think maybe there's a spell for that?'

'Nah,' said Albus. 'If there were, I'd have heard about it from James. He never shuts up about that kind of thing.'

Scorpius flopped onto his back, then looked to his side, making sure the five inches were still there between them. 'Well, I don’t know what I’m going to do.'

He turned his head so he could still see Albus, who was on his side with his head propped up on his elbow. 'Kissing,' said Albus. 'How do you get better at kissing? I mean, it's practice. Right? That's what makes you get better.'

A silence fell. Then something like a beam of light passed between their eyes as, Scorpius was sure, they both came up with the same idea at the same time.

'We could practice,' said Scorpius. 'I could show you how–' said Albus.

They stared at each other, shocked.

Then Albus said, 'As if, that would be ridiculous,' at the same time Scorpius said, 'What a joke that would be.'

This silence lasted longer.

Albus's lips were pink and soft-looking. He bit them again, and Scorpius tore his eyes away. His heart raced. Why was that?

'If it's a joke,' said Albus, speaking slowly. 'And we both know it's a joke…'

'Then it's harmless,' finished Scorpius. He swallowed. 'It would just be… practice.'

'Yeah,' said Albus. 'Just practice.'

'Okay.'

'Yeah.'

Nothing happened.

'Well, I'm definitely not going to get better if we just sit here doing nothing,' said Scorpius. For some reason he'd twisted a handful of Albus's blanket into his fist.

'Right,' said Albus. 'Er…' He pushed himself up a bit, then leant over Scorpius.

Scorpius thought he felt a bit faint. His heart was beating very hard. 'Albus?' he whispered.

Albus gazed down at him, eye wide and scared. Then he got that look–the one that reminded Scorpius so much of Albus's father, although he knew better than to tell him so. His eyes flashed and his brow creased with fierce determination. He lowered himself toward Scorpius. Scorpius closed his eyes and held his breath.

Albus's lips were as soft as they'd looked. He pressed them gently against Scorpius's mouth and the sensation spread over his skin, sweet as butterbeer. Lifting his head a bit, Scorpius returned the kiss. So gentle, their lips brushed together, barely touching.

He opened his eyes. Albus's eyes were open too.

'I'll…' said Albus. 'I'll show you something.' He bent in again and this time the kiss was stronger. Albus cocked his head and it was nothing, nothing at all like kissing Rose. It stared slow, but then grew harder and faster. A bolt of arousal shot through Scorpius's body. He gasped and pulled away. Does this mean I'm doing it right? Albus had the strangest look on his face.

'Five inches,' Albus said, his voice a little shaky. 'Yeah?' His arms trembled from holding himself up.

'It makes it a bit harder to… practise… that way.' Something hot and hungry had bloomed in Scorpius's chest. Well. Not his chest. Not exactly. It took an act of will to stop himself grabbing Albus by the shoulders and pulling him close, right up against his body, where he could… His pulse beat hard in his temples. He was breathing harder than normal.

'Yeah,' said Albus. 'Forget the rule. Just for now.'

They started kissing again, Scorpius on his back Albus above him, their bodies pressed together. Albus slid his fingers into Scorpius's hair and parted his lips, making the kiss hot and wet. Scorpius arched up toward him, forgetting himself. Forgetting everything except for Albus's mouth and hands and body pressed tight against his own.

This was right. This was righter than anything. It felt gloriously satisfying like finally mastering a spell you'd never been able to do before. Like a lock fitting perfectly into a keyhole. They rolled to the side, legs entwined, and this was more than kissing. Albus had Scorpius's head in a vice-like grip as if he were afraid Scorpius would try to flee. Scorpius gripped Albus's shoulders, holding them tight, telling him, no, I won't, I'm here, I’m yours. Their hips moved together and a rush of fear twisted with elation told Scorpius what was about to happen. There'd be no going back. No pretence of practice…

It happened for Albus first. He shuddered then pulled his mouth away, pressing their foreheads together. 'Oh…' He gasped then shuddered harder. 'Oh. Scorpius.'

Frantic, desperate, Scorpius ground against him until… He arched his neck, overcome, and cried out. Albus slammed his hand over Scorpius's mouth, saying, 'Shhhh! Shhh! Oh god, oh fuck.'

'Sorry!' said Scorpius, breathing hard. 'I forgot… I couldn't…'

'I should have cast Muffliato,' said Albus. 'I didn't think…'

'That we were going to…'

'Oh god.' Albus buried his face against Scorpius's shoulder.

Scorpius had a sudden fear that Albus would pull away, so he held him tighter. But Albus didn't pull away. As their breathing returned to normal and they came down from it all, Albus only snuggled closer.

They'd made a mess and it was disgusting, really, but Scorpius didn't care. He didn't care at all.

'It was going to happen sooner or later,' said Albus.

'You never had a girlfriend,' said Scorpius. 'There were lots of girls who fancied you, but you never did.'

Albus shook his head. 'Of course not.'

'Was it?'

'You. Just you. I thought, maybe… I didn't… ' Albus's eyes were wet and bright.

'Albus,' said Scorpius, and then, without even deciding to, he smiled. He grinned, wanting to laugh or shout or cry because the happiness was so intense it almost hurt.

Then a dark thought crossed his mind. 'What am I going to tell Rose?' A tickle of shame threatened to ruin his glow. 'I've… I've cheated. I'm a horrible boyfriend.'

Albus's eyes darted off to the side. 'Er… I don't think it will be a huge problem.'

'What do you mean?'

Albus worried his lip again. 'I don’t think she wanted to break up over kissing, is all.'

'Have you been talking to her about me?'

Albus nodded. 'A little. She was over at the house over Easter with Aunt Hermione, Uncle Ron and Hugo. She thinks… Well. I think she saw it even before I did.' He finally looked back at Scorpius and gave him a small smile. 'I think she'll understand.'

Joy blossomed again. Scorpius slid his hand over Albus's cheek and looked at him. Looked at him properly, fully. 'Our dads are going to flip out, you know,' he said.

Rolling his eyes, Albus settled his head against Scorpius's shoulder. 'So what else is new.'

They rested in silence for a while, holding each other.

'I should get back to my own bed,' said Scorpius. 'So the other don't realise.'

'No,' said Albus, tightening his grip. 'We'll do this properly. Without hiding. We'll let them know, let them tell the whole school.'

'Will we?' asked Scorpius, his voice going a little high.

Albus nodded. 'You're brave enough, Scorpius. I know you are.'

Scorpius found Albus's hand and squeezed. 'With you by my side, I am.' He bent his neck so he could see Albus's face. Albus's look of determination melted as they made eye contact. He smiled, almost glowing. 'Come on,' he said, relaxing again. 'We should get some sleep. Classes in the morning. Fellow students to shock and dismay.'

Scorpius knew he wasn't going to get any rest. His body hummed and his mind spun in circles. Albus let his head fall on the pillow. He leant in and they kissed again, a short, sweet good night kiss.

They could do that now. Any time they liked.

Albus closed his eyes. Scorpius kept his open.

No more five inches rules. There wasn't even one inch between them.

Scorpius let his lids fall shut and, despite what he'd thought previously, fell asleep.