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It's Chimney's fault.
He told the guys to dress nicely because they are invited to dinner at this fancy Italian restaurant. A week ago, they saved the owner, who nearly suffocated from this brand-new shrimp menu. The call was nothing big or unusual, but he apparently wanted to express his gratitude. Naturally, Eddie, Buck, and Ravi thought, what speaks against free expensive food with a cozy ambiance and their favorite coworkers?
That Chimney, with the help of Hen, tricked all the guys wasn't a surprise, but it was, without question, uncomfortable. Then, of course, all three ended up at the biggest speed dating event in Los Angeles.
And Chimney thought of everything.
He and Hen completed a questionnaire for each of them to determine compatibility at the end of the event. About their personality, their living conditions, and their relationship preference. Including some answers and basic facts that would be visible for any of their dates, like name, age, and profession.
With this information, a lot of the questions they got over the last week finally made sense. Like suddenly asking Buck what he would look into if he wanted to date a man. Trying to figure out what Eddie's perfect first date location is. Or asking Ravi which animal resembled him the most...?
They had to admit, all three of them were single, and it would look pretty rude to just vanish. Although Eddie decided he didn't want to date another woman as long as he lived with Cristopher. No matter how much time passes. Buck was still unsure what he was looking for and whether he was ready for a new relationship. And Ravi invested a lot of time and energy into work to continue improving and growing. However, now they're here. The snacks seemed great. They looked good.
The torment through one 7-minute date after another could begin.
The concept was fairly simple: You enter your date's number into an app, and their information pops up. During or after the 7 minutes, they need to fulfill three easy questions. 1. Can you imagine another date with this person? 2. How attractive did you find them? 3. How interesting was your date? The answers, as well as the questionnaire Hen and Chim filled out, would be combined to generate a compatibility result.
The problem with the sophisticated location was that a lot of the potential partners were upper-class. And they were definitely not.
Buck's credit score was at rock bottom, Eddie stuffed all his savings into the house in Texas, and Ravi was young and in debt. Not that they all had bad living conditions. It only seemed that most of their dates lived in a parallel universe, where private school, a second residence, and a yearly skiing trip to Canada were the norm. Nobody could relate to their dramatic everyday life, and it was hard to find common points to talk about.
Eddie was impatient, Buck really tried unsuccessfully, and Ravi was a little socially awkward.
However, Ravi had one topic in his life that he deeply loved to share. On the 9th attempt, someone could finally relate to his biggest daily struggle.
Idiots in love.
"Man, this is hell," were the first words of the new girl at his table. She wore a pretty blue denim dress that, while unsuitable for the venue, looked as if it had been made for her. In fact, she did tailor it herself.
"Actually, my friends call me Ravi," he joked.
Yes, he was a bit socially awkward. But sweet.
"Yeah, right, sorry, my name is Ava. I just had the worst people after another," she apologized with a strained exhalation.
Ravi looked in the direction of the table from which she had come. Oh yeah, he definitely knew this guy and couldn't resist a smirk. "Tell me more," he insisted.
"Oh, nah, he wouldn't stop talking about his best friend, Neddy, or something. Like, hello, you're on a date, tell me about you and not the random guy who's not here." She knew, ironically, because she just did the same.
"You don't say!" Ravi may have sounded a bit too excessively indignant while saying this.
"Yeah, it was awkward. Like, I don't have any problem with a bi guy. But when you're obviously crushing, don't come here," she stated, visibly annoyed.
"What if I tell you his best friend IS here?"
Ravi considered playing the unknown bystander for five seconds before he could no longer hide his excitement at sharing his burning pain.
"You know them??? Pls don't tell me you're a firefighter too..." she pleaded.
Ravi chucked and said, "You need to be strong here for a sec." he paused dramatically. "I am."
Ava exhaled once again.
"Of course you are. And you know him. Okay. Whatever. Then, at least tell me, who's the Neddy guy?" she asked, hoping she could take from these 7 minutes at least a funny story about an idiot in love.
"His name is actually Eddie, and he's there." Ravi pointed to Eddie's table, where he seemed as if he had the most boring date of his entire life. To Ravi's surprise, Ava's reaction was even better.
"THAT'S NEDDY? Oh no."
"Oh no?"
"He's the guy I thought his wife recently broke up with him?"
This date got even better. Ravi would definitely use this to make fun of them for the rest of the year.
"How did you come to this conclusion?" he asked curiously.
"Simple, let me explain. He started to talk about his son, which was sweet. But then he mentioned he lives - or lived recently? - I didn't quite get it, with someone together. That this person was like a big part of his and his sons' world. But their living circumstances are complicated. And just how he talked, and since in his profile it states he's straight, I kinda suspected, like the mother?" It was only 7 minutes, so she kinda tried to puzzle the pieces Neddy gave her together. Or Eddie. She didn't care.
"Sounds like them. He was in Texas for a few months, and Buck rented his home during this time. He crashed on his couch till a month ago." Ravi explained. He knew that both of them liked living together, but he also knew that they were both too dumb to admit it to themself.
"You can't imagine what I have to suffer for stupidity every day."
"Do they... know they're in love with each other?" Ava investigated.
"Nah forget ist. Tried to hint it to them, but they lost the plot. But I have a deal for you. What about this: We use these last 5 minutes and I tell you the whole story at full speed," he suggested with a smirk on his lips.
Screw the dating part, this was funnier.
"That sounds more interesting than letting the next guy tell me how unfair it is that women get paid less, and that's all he's there for feminism, but he still wants to be the breadwinner in the family."
Switching to the other guys: over an hour in, it was unbearable. Bucks' face after Eddie sat on his table was undefinable and filled with confusion. The guy, who would usually be in the rotations Buck's next date, looked at them, annoyed, and stumbled to the next table.
"Dude, what the hell?" Buck whispers a bit pissed, because "this man was probably the second hottest man here!" he saw this evening.
"Come on, don't tell me you enjoy all this." Eddie laughed while looking in the room filled with one snob after another.
"No, but he could have enjoyed me this night," Buck countered under the eye-rolling view from Eddie.
"Buck, I can't do this anymore. These are the repeatedly longest 7 minutes of my life, and whenever I think it can't get worse, it gets worse!" Eddie declared, and he was right, because let's be honest, Buck felt the same.
Repeatedly answering the same boring questions about his job, why he's here, and introducing himself again and again. Buck leaned in his chair and nodded. Eddie, at least, wanted to use this opportunity for a little bit of fun.
"So, what do we have here...", Eddie said while typing Buck numer into the speed-dating app. His action was followed by laughter.
"What - what stands there??" Buck asked impatiently.
"Chimney was brutal while filling this out," Eddie started. "What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you? Can't decide between tsunami, lighting stroke, and being buried alive," he read out.
"Please tell me you're lying," Buck said while ripping the cell phone out of his best friend's hands.
"That's why they look at me like that."
Yeah, sure, Buck, it was that and not you simping about your best friend all night.
"Why am I a Golden Retriever??? And no, my perfect date location isn't a firetruck! This story was years ago!" Buck exclaimed, outraged.
"Yeah, little Golden Retriever, didn't have the idea to type your own number in the phone," Eddie teased, but was quickly countered with a "Well, did you, Mr. Kitten?"
"Come on, tell me, what's else in there?" Eddie said, not surprised about the full thing. Chminey was up to no good. And he already suspected this shouldn't be their big chance to find the love of their life, but rather an opportunity to humiliate them.
"Nah, the rest is actually sweet..." A lot about how Eddie loves his son more than anything. Which was true.
Buck paused a moment and laid the phone beside with a smile.
"So, Mr. Kitten, show me what you got. We have another 5 minutes."
Eddie raised an eyebrow. Ok, when that's what they play, he's more than willing to give him his all.
"Well, nice to meet you, my name is Eddie, and I'm originally from Texas. And I have to say, you look fantastic in this outfit. Evan, right?" he started their play. Buck wasn't being called by his surname a lot for good. But hearing it out of Eddie's mouth didn't seem as off as he expected.
"Most call me Buck. Thanks for the compliment, you look great too. So, Eddie, I read you're a firefighter, tell me more." Buck demanded, a bit flustered about the compliment. But the light was hopefully dim enough to hide the subtle blush on his cheeks.
"It's pretty ordinary. Saving people's lives, stealing women's hearts. But since you're apparently also a firefighter, you know the struggle. In the end, it's all worth it when I come home to my beloved son," he stated.
And if there's one thing, Buck and Eddie can talk about all night, it's Chris.
"How old is he?" he asked as if they all hadn't spent his birthday together some weeks ago.
"15. Teenage years, they're complicated. He's smarter than me and has better luck with the ladies." Eddie joked.
"Bet he does if he has your looks."
Eddie smirked at the comment.
This was so dumb.
"Must be nice coming home to someone you love." Buck continued, hoping it didn't sound too jealous. He knew it was nice. Honestly, the few weeks after Eddie came back from El Paso were probably the best times since Bobby's death he had. He finally felt something again. His laughter sounded real again. The cloudiness never really vanished and probably would never again. But on good days, he felt something again. And every day with Eddie and Chris was a good day.
"Yeah, but it would be better if it were someone whom I could also share a bed with, too."
"We did share a bed." Buck joked, because this literally was the case after he smashed the couch with a 'Getting-over-Tommy-one-night-stand' while Eddie was still away.
"Hmm, I don't think so, I've known you for 3 minutes," Eddie replied, still hooked up at their fake dating game.
"Right. So, no woman inside that pinpoints your taste, or why did you, as a totally straight man, get lost on the table with me?"
"Can't be wrong to try. Also, I heard I just scared the second-hottest man in the room. I hope I'm Nr. 1?"
"No, I am."
"A little bit self-absorbed, aren't we?"
"Self-confident, if you don't mind."
The teasing and flirting continued until the bell rang, signaling another switch-up. But they had other plans.
"Wanna go?" Eddie asked.
"We can't leave Ravi alone..." Buck noted. Because maybe he had forgotten Ravi once before and only noticed it back at the station.
"Do you see him anywhere? I haven't since 3 rounds." Well, Eddie was right. Ravi was nowhere to be found.
"Beer and Call of Duty?"
"You can bet."
They never checked if they were compatible with any of their dates. But Ava and Ravi did. Apparently, you could only check the compatibility with a password. But Chimney filled out the registration. So he had the password. After a quick phone call, no one was surprised anymore as to who the two had achieved the highest score with.
Although Ravi was surprised that they ticked the 3 questions during the date, because this means they must have sat at a table and actually had their 7 minutes.
Maybe they did finally realize.
Their profiles, for anyone interested:
Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz | m | 33 | straight | firefighter
What's something you're passionate about? My son.
If you were an animal, what would you be? Kitten.
What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you? What crazy disasters didn't happen to me?
3 characteristics that describe your ideal partner? Being liked by my son, good at cooking, and funny.
Perfect first date location? Mexican restaurant.
Evan "Buck" Buckley | m | 34 | bisexual | firefighter
What's something you're passionate about? My job and chosen family.
If you were an animal, what would you be? Golden Retriever - Loyal and affectionate, but don't let cuteness distract you from stupidity.
What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you? Can't decide between tsunami, lighting stroke, and being buried alive.
3 characteristics that describe your ideal partner? Brings me to laugh, family type of person, good ass.
Perfect first date location? Fire truck.
Ravi Panikkar | m | 27 | straight | firefighter
What's something you're passionate about? Frolf - I know it sounds stupid, but I claim it's not.
If you were an animal, what would you be? Guinea Pig.
What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you? Surviving cancer as a kid, surviving my colleague as an adult.
3 characteristics that describe your ideal partner? Empathy, willpower, and intelligence.
Perfect first date location? Arcade.
"This was fun," Buck said while nervously fiddling with his hands.
"I mean, in the end, it wasn't that much different from a regular hangout, wasn't it?" he said while standing halfway in the door. Honestly, he would love to stay overnight, and Eddie probably wouldn't care, but it was better to go. He just knew. Eddie chuckled.
"This wasn't really a hangout. We had a date."
"Yeah, but usually two best friends don't date. And usually you wouldn't hang out on the couch, drinking beer and playing games during your first date. And usually you don't do this after attending a speed dating event beforehand." Buck overexplained.
"Then we're not normal. Who cares?"
Eddie was a bit too serious for Buck's taste, but he also didn't expect to play the fake dating game the whole night. Yes, he was right, they didn't do date things, but it still felt like the real deal.
This evening, Buck talked with 12 people. One non-binary person, four women, six men, and Eddie. It wasn't even a competition; still, Eddie won in every possibility category.
Buck was only confirmed in what he already knew. He was in love with Eddie. After that night, he couldn't deny it any further.
Eddie gave him the feeling that his opinion matters. That he respects him, but is not afraid to argue against his stupidity. Eddie listened to every word that came out of his mouth like it would be the most important information on earth. In the end, it was just Buck philosophizing about Platypuses, because he saw a documentary with Chris about egg-laying mammals. It felt light, and that was what he needed the most in the moment.
Tge truth is: after Bobby died, he was diagnosed with depression. He hasn't told anyone yet. He was good at hiding. Slowly distancing. The weight of his lost brother, his lost father figure, his lost ex-boyfriend, and his temporary loss of his best friend. It was all too much to handle. Mixed with self-doubt, fear of the future, and fear of losing oneself.
With Eddies, these thoughts got quieter. And he knew he had to do everything he could to avoid losing that connection again.
It was time to go for today. At least he would come back. Probably.
"Then, I'm heading out. Thanks for-"
Buck couldn't continue his sentence because suddenly a pair of lips was gently pressed against his. Light, soft, tasting like beer.
His whole mind went black. He was frozen, in shock. Also, couldn't believe this just happened twice with a man. But he would be absolutely insane not to return his gesture. His whole body tingled from the top of his nose, right through his heart, down to his toes. It wasn't like exploding fireworks, but rather a pleasant warmth that spread through every fiber of his being.
After Eddie broke their kiss, he looked at Buck with eyes that screamed, 'Why the hell did I do this?'. He hoped for a reaction that wouldn't increase his need to crawl out of his own skin.
Luckily, it didn't take long for Buck to put a hand on his hips, pull him a little in the right direction, and continue with another, now way more intense kiss that got them both heating up pretty quickly. Seconds felt like years. Spit like fire. Touching skin like electronic shocks. It wasn't easy not to get completely lost in the moment. But after some time, they finally looked each other silently in the eyes.
Before Eddie pushed him a little bit too hard away.
For Buck, it was clear: This was a mistake. How could he do this to Eddie? To Chris? After everything they went through, he can't also pull them into his bullshit. It felt too warm. Too comfortable. Too save. Where did his confidence come from to pull this move?
Before he could run, Eddie grabbed his hand, packed him on one of his shoulders. Both of them were pretty overwhelmed. Buck looked into a distraught face. The face of a man who initiated the date and the first kiss. Buck pulled the move because they obviously wanted the same thing, right? Nothing made sense anymore.
"Wait - I'm sorry."
"For kissing me? Or pushing me away after I kissed you back?"
Eddie had a clear answer to this question, but nothing came out of his mouth. He didn't know what to say - the words completely stuck. But he didn't lose his grip on Bucks Hands. And Buck? He wanted to run and vanish and dig a hole he could die in. But he couldn't. And they stayed. For minutes, frozen again, like time would stand still.
Buck closed his eyes, breathed deeply in and out. This wasn't the time to freak out. This wasn't the place. He grew. And whatever just happened, they needed to figure shit out.
He gently wrapped his free hand on Eddie's, who was still clinging to him as if his life depended on it. Buck lightly stroked him till Eddie relaxed and set him free.
"It's okay, Eddie, I'm not running," he whispered.
"But I will go. And you will stay. And think about what just happend, ok? I will, too. We have a free day tomorrow. And when you're ready, reach out to me at any time. I don't mind. And we talk."
Experience Eddie so silence was rare, but he finally dared to look Buck in the eyes and nod.
Eddie felt so small. Like a little kid. He and Christopher resembled each other a lot in this moment, Buck thought.
He didn't know how to let go of his hand. He never knew how to tell Chris it's time to go. Most of the time, they hugged. So he decided to do the same and pull his best friend one last time into a big hug, before he left.
Eddie's world expanded widely this day.
Why the hell did he do this? Like, any of this? This should have been a fun night; they could all laugh together at the 118, but it ended with a life-altering identity crisis.
It's not like Eddie never thought about it. He did, more often than he would ever admit. Maybe he wasn't just sitting at Buck's table out of boredom. But an act of a little bit of curiosity and hope. Unconsciously, of course.
He has eyes, he has ears, he has a nose, he has hands, and he has a mouth. When Eddie closes his eyes, he can recall it all. He can see how fricking hot Buck is. He can see his reflex and instinct while on a job to save another life. He can see his puppy Golden Retriever's eyes when he begs to stay over the night to play another round with Chris. He can hear his stupid laughter when he makes fun of Eddie. He can hear his worried tone in his voice when Jee gets a cold. He can hear his off-key vocals as he croons those commercial songs that get stuck in your head. He can feel his hands while handing each other tools during their shift. He can feel his weight when he holds him down to do sit-ups.
He can still feel his hands dragging him away after he was shot.
He can smell the pancakes and freshly squeezed orange juice that Buck makes for Chris every now and then. He can smell Bucks' lemony aftershave. He can smell the lavender detergent Buck used when he borrowed a shirt. He can taste the feast Buck cooked for two hours during their shift. He can taste the new protein shake Bucks chose for him.
And now, he can taste his lips.
Fuck it, he was head over heels in love with Evan Buck Buckley. This was an undeniable truth. His 'jokely' flirting got way too far. And the most disturbing thing was Buck kissing Eddie back. Like this could have been an option for years, like it would be the most natural thing for them to do. But he had so much reason not to. And he needs to convince Buck of this.
Why did Buck even kiss him back? Did he like him, too? Was he just drunk? Lonely? Desperate? Horny? To be fair, Eddie at least was all of this.
Buck was surprised when he heard the bell ring the next morning. He was just halfway awake and didn't expect anyone. Well, he did hope Eddie would call during the day. But he wouldn't just stand there, 8 hours after their incident.
Expect, he did. Visibly tired, but he was there.
"Can I come in?"
"Eh, yeah, a heads up would have been cool. I could have made us breakfast. Did you even sleep?"
"No, but I'm open for pancakes."
Buck giggles softly and happy about Eddie just being Eddie. So, without a lot of words, Eddie sat at the kitchen table, Buck handed him his coffee, made himself a new one, and started with the pancakes.
It was absurd how normal everything was. Expect that they're in Bucks' kitchen, not Eddie's. And they missed Chris, who enjoyed his weekend with Pepa. It was quiet. They enjoyed the silence, the company, the breakfast smell. It calmed them down and paved the way to a different talk they needed to have.
"I didn't sleep." With these words, Eddie broke the silence.
"I can clearly see," Buck responded, insecure, calm, nervous.
"Needed to do a lot of thinking and I knew if I would sleep, we could have this talk only in the afternoon, but then Chris is back from his trip with tia Pepa and I want it to be just us."
"I understand. And I'm proud of you doing this." He truly was.
"I'm... sorry. For pushing you away and forcing you to stay while not bringing one word to the surface."
Buck felt a bit more at ease. So he didn't regret the kiss?
"It was a long day with some unexpected turns. So... do you maybe wanna share your thoughts?" he asked hesitantly.
"I came to 2 conclusions. I mean, a lot more, but only 2 here are important." Eddie started to explain.
"Ok, I listen."
"I love you, Buck."
Oh. Wow. This was a way faster confession than he anticipated.
"Kind of hoped for that," Buck said, astonished and overloaded with thought. However, the mood changed rather quickly.
"But it's better if we could just stay friends."
Bullshit, Eddie.
"Seriously, Eds, that was your conclusion after 8 hours non-stop thinking?" Buck would laugh if this man wouldn't just play frolf with his heart.
"I'm sorry, but there are endless reasons why we shouldn't do this."
"Tell me. All of them. And I tell you what I'm thinking."
"We are best friends." Eddie began.
"Of course we are. And we will stay. But if there's more behind? I mean, obviously, there is more behind," Buck answered, determined to erase any possibility that would drift Eddie apart from him.
"Buck, I'm not gay to begin with. I always loved women – I was married to one. I have no experience with men, I'm as straight as I can be." Eddie started to explain.
"You? You're straight? Because I pretty much remember you boner last night during our second kiss. And before Tommy, who was also engaged to Abby, a woman, I was also only with women. Doesn't change the fact that I'm bisexual. And the fact that Athena has 2 kids and was married years to Michael doesn't change the fact he's gay. Sexual and romantic attraction are different for everyone. And I get that this is scary and new, but not an acceptable reason to give up on something you clearly want and haven't even tried." Buck countered.
And damn, yeah, they do have enough people in their lives who prove this point wrong. It just can't be him. He can't be like that.
"You don't understand. Yes, I don't practice actively, but I grew up Catholic, Buck. It's not like I would hold this standard to you or my friends, but I can't be with a man. In no universe. Catholic teaching condemns homosexual acts as immoral, and I grew up with this idea. I am glad that I met enough people in my life who showed me what bullshit this is. You, Karen, Hen, shit, even Tommy, this bastard. But I can't ban this guilt from my mind. What- what would my parents say?" Eddie explained further, hardly finding words to express his inner conflict.
"Eddie, please calm down. You're right, I can't relate to your catholic guilt. But we do have friends, or at least acquaintances who do. You have a good relationship with the local pastor here, and he would hear you out if you want to get these feelings off your chest. Or talk with Athena about how she and Michael handled this. But please think for one second: your parents will not accept you, no matter who you are with. Think of Shannon. Think another step further. What would they do if Chris had a boyfriend in the future? And based on what you think they would do, do you really think their opinion matters on it? Would you silently watch and say to Chris, 'No, you can't, abuela is against it.'"
Buck had a valid point here. He wouldn't have his parents in his life if it weren't for Chris. But he wouldn't let them hurt him ever again, especially not over things or people he loved. However:
"Of course I wouldn't. I would always respect and love my son, no matter who he was with. But the thing with Shannon was different."
"How?"
"Our living conditions were so complicated. She got basically pregnant after our first time, and I was most of the time so far away because of the army. I still struggle to forgive myself to this day for how I handled this marriage. And I understand that this shook my parents' trust in me and my partner choice." Eddie began to shiver slightly.
"Just because you weren't the best husband doesn't mean you have to suffer all your life."
"But- but what if I do it again? I did it again. Look at what Marisol had to suffer through. I'm a terrible partner, and - and we've been friends for years. I can't stand the thought of hurting you. If a relationship increased the chance of you hating me for even 1 percent, I don't want this."
Buck's heart broke. He didn't know how much they were alike. Thinking of not deserving each other while longing for their other closeness and comfort.
"A relationship always brings risk. But being afraid to lose is part of loving. I learned this from Bobby. Besides, no matter what, I could never hate you."
"I thought the same of Chris. That nothing in this world could break our bond. Still, he moved back to Texas, to my parents, who never believed in me. I lost my son. My sun." Eddie said. He was on the verge of tears. It was hard to watch.
"You didn't lose him, Eddie. He didn't die. He just needed some space. And you came back. Together." Buck still wasn't convinced.
Eddie had to realize that there was no good reason for Buck not to want him. Unless there is something Buck loves more than anything on this whole planet. Even more than Eddie. And they shared this thing. Or better said, this someone.
"But what if Chris doesn't want us together?"
It's true, Buck didn't think of this possibility. Chris was hurt a lot, and his faith and trust in Eddie still crumbled. It got better, without question. But Buck was his one constant in life. They would need to talk with him in the long run. No, at the beginning. No secrets within their potential little family from the start. If they handled this, they could handle any challenge. Now it was Bucks' time to tell his full truth.
"Ed's, listen. First of all: I kissed you back. You can probably imagine what this means in contrast to your initial conclusion that you love me. However, I've never said I want us together." Buck said, following a perplexed Eddie.
"Than.. why am I overexplaining here? Why do we have this discussion if you don't want me? Or is this a 'I only want to sleep with you' thing?" Eddie's first tear dropped down. Everything was too much.
"I said, listen carefully. I never demanded a relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't desire one with you. The emotional rollercoaster you're currently experiencing should prove to you that you feel the same way."
Buck moved closer to him at the kitchen table and gently cupped his head in his hands, pressing their foreheads together, eyes closed. Eddie breathed deeply in and answered, "I really do."
They slowly opened their eyes and looked at each other's souls. So fragile, as if only their touching skin held them together. Buck tried to bring out a little smile on Eddie's face, but he was still too tense.
"The kitchen is inconvenient. Wanna move to my bedroom? Not to - you know - just getting us into a comfortable position to talk things further out." Buck suggested in a whispery voice, after they broke their position slowly and brought a little space between them.
"I think your bedroom would be too much right now... but we can try out your new couch?"
"Could be a bit small for us, but yeah,"
Buck was lying sideways on the couch with his arms outstretched for Eddie, who raised an eyebrow.
"Come on, nobody's here. We still have time till you need to go home for Chris. Nothing wrong about 2 bros and a little bit of spooning," he joked, clear that nothing about all of this was platonic.
How could Eddie resist? A bit hesitantly, he lay beside Buck. Eddie's head sank into a pillow on Buck's right arm, whose left hand rested gently on Eddie's hips. Eddie's head was at the perfect height to bury Bucks' face in his hair and take his fruity shampoo smell in. This was nice. For both of them. Still, Eddie's head was filled with doubt and guilt, even these strong arms couldn't shake away.
"How about if we stop talking about the getting together part and concentrate for one minute on the having repressed feelings for each other?" Buck suggested again, followed by a question that burned on his tongue.
"How long have you been in love with me?"
"Don't know. I guess since you rented my loft. Then you weren't in my daily life in El Paso, and I realized the hard way how much I missed you, even though we videochatted every day. Maybe I loved you even before, but then it got obvious. Repressed feelings fit it well," he declared.
"It was so on brand for you, you know. The speed dating yesterday. I knew you joked, but you were so confident and flirty, perfect as you are. The day was the best I had had in a long time. When you kissed me, my whole world turned upside down. I was so nervous and happy and overloaded with positive emotions. And then - you pushed me away."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I know. I understand why you did it. New things are scary. Your switch flipped. From a play date to reality."
"Were you always an option?" Eddie asked.
"What do you think?"
"Don't know. Can't imagine why anyone would want me." This must be a joke. Coming from Eddie. Usually, these words sound like Buck.
"I lied yesterday." Buck decided to admit.
"About what?"
"The hottest guy in the room. I meant you."
"Up for discussion."
"No. You're hot. Remember my gay crisis the first day you came to the 118? It was so clear that you had more to offer than I did."
"So you like me for my looks?"
"Hell yeah, dude. I like big, muscular guys."
"You're bigger than me."
"Maybe. Need the strength to handle Mr. Kitten." Buck smirked.
"To get back to my point. Of course, I like you for your looks, but there's so much more. I love the way you're on the job. How you always find a solution for every problem, or how you talk to patients. I love your face when you desperately try not to laugh when someone brings themself into a stupid situation, and we need to help - I never can stay serious, you have way better self-control than I do. I love how you self-evidently call me and ask me to pick up Chris from school when you notice I have a bad day. I love how-"
Eddie stopped him. "Please, no more. I get it. Can't handle another compliment right now."
"Edmundo Diaz, I haven't said it directly to you, but I want you to remember this till the day you die. I love you. I love Chris. I want to be a part of this family." It felt so good to finally let these words out of his chest, which had lived rent-free in his head for an endless time.
"You already are," Eddie assured him.
"I hope so. I hope Chris sees this the same."
"He does. I'm sure." Still, they both knew how important it would be to talk to him. Eddie disappointed him enough. Now was the time to change things. To gain his trust and love back.
"What if we talk with him next Saturday, the morning after the barbecue evening?" Buck asked.
"What do we say to him? Ask for his blessing?"
"Yes."
"What if he says no?" Buck remembered hearing this sentence from himself in the past. Being afraid of the future, he had had enough of it.
"Then we figure out why, give him time, and convince him. Till then, we keep our distance. He shouldn't think we betray him and ask after already deciding what we wanna do. Sounds like a plan?" Sounds like a plan.
"Ok, mi amor. One problem: What do we do about the others? Can we really hide what happend for a week?" Eddie asked, concerned.
Buck laughed as an answer. "In no world. I'm pretty sure Ravi knows I'm in love with you. And Maddie too."
"And if Maddie knows, Chimney knows. And if Chimney knows, Hen knows."
"Yeah. I mean, I didn't tell anyone how I feel about you, but they're making obvious allusions to me ever since you came back."
Ok. Ok, they could do this.
Eddie and Buck decided on a plan. They would update everyone quickly if questions come up, request some time for themself and ask them to be quiet about it. However, they did hope for a bit more silence than they got. Because the first thing they heard when showing up at the station was a teasing Chim.
"Oh, hey, my love birds, how's it going?"
"Good captain, good," Eddie answered, annoyed.
"Did you both enjoy your date?" Hen teased further. They both looked at Ravi as if he were to blame for this disaster.
"Hey, I was a victim too," he remembered them.
"Roof. Now." Eddie's words were harsher than the others expected, but they still couldn't hide their smirks.
"Thank you for coming. Before you annoy us with one question after another, let's be straightforward."
"Because you are so good at being straightforward," Ravi said dryly. They were all a plague.
"As you may have noticed, we went to the speed dating event. Thanks, Chim. Although I would like to hide what happend this weekend, this guy here is a bad liar," Eddie started to explain while looking at Buck. He was clearly nervous. But these were their friends. They know it would be alright.
"You two finally together, yes or no?" Hen asked without hesitation.
Simulatanly, both of them expressed a clear "No." Which didn't make sense to any of the others.
"But you had a date?" Ravi asked, and Buck started to explain further. "Yes, we did have the 7-minute date. And yes, we vanished and continued the date at Eddie."
"Ugh, too much detail." Hen expressed disgust.
"NO Hen, not like this," Eddie said with a stern look.
It wouldn't have been this crazy.
"We did hook up, but no, we're not dating, and we're not together. Doesn't mean we don't want to."
"I wanna talk with Chris first. And sort all of these things out. Honestly, guys, I'm not ready to talk with you all about this whole thing. I would like to have some time with myself, my son, and Buck to look at what our future could hold. But your family too, and I don't wanna left you in the dark. You can tease as much as you want if it's just us 5. But please hold yourself together when others are there. I'm not ready to be out. And we will only do this if Chris is ok with it." Eddie pleaded with them, and the mood got serious and emotional really quickly.
"Aww, baby, of course," Hen said and couldn't hide her joy about the trust Eddie had in them. She hugged him tightly and whispered a quiet "I'm so proud of you" in Eddie's ear. Quite enough, that only Buck could also hear it. It made both of them tear up a little.
Ravi smiled, and Chim patted both of their shoulders. The focus was mainly on Eddie, and Buck gave him this moment because he knew how important his coming out to his team was. He could burst into tears right now. He was so glad to be part of this family. But one important thing they needed to mention.
"One thing: Please don't tell your kids. It's okay if Karen knows, Buck called Maddie this morning. But the kids will see Chris on Friday, and he should hear it from me." Everyone, of course, agreed to this.
And the barbecue evening was fantastic. Athena, Maddie, and Karen came with the kids, and most of the 118 were there. Ravi introduced them to the girl he met during the speedating event, Ava, who was recognized by the idiotic not-yet-together couple.
Buck grabbed Athena at the start and updated her on the situation. She was truly happy for them. And everybody else kept their promise and stayed quiet. Buck and Eddie survived awkwardly the last 5 days without touching each other, which was a challenge in itself. But the evening came to an end, and soon they would have the big talk.
While everyone was outside, Buck joined Eddie in searching for Christopher's bag upstairs.
"You ready to go home?" Buck asked, his voice laced with emotion. He was happy, excited, and on the edge at the same time. Thousands thought about what Chris would say about them wanting to go out with each other.
"Yeah, it's time," Eddie said, grabbing Chris's backpack and getting closer to Buck. Placing one hand on his hips, he stroked over his birthmark with his other. Only a few inches away. It would be so easy to kiss. But they promised each other to wait.
"Nervous?" Eddie asked whisperingly.
"Hmm." Buck couldn't bring a word out, trapped in the moment, the warmth of his hands, the smell of his hopefully soon-to-be lover. He wanted the moment to last forever. But they suddenly drifted away when they heard Chris call from downstairs. "Dad? Did you find my backpack?"
It was time to go home.
Eddie and Buck said goodbye to everyone and were ready to pick Chris up to go.
"Buck coming with us?" Chris asked.
"Yeah, if you don't mind."
"No, why would I? But it's unusual. You didn't stay over the past weeks."
Chris was right.
"Wanted to give you some space," Buck explained, hoping this short answer was enough. Maybe, the next thing he shouldn't have said.
"And we wanted to talk with you about something tomorrow."
Because Chris got sceptical.
"What is it? Bad news? Why can't you tell me now?"
"No, no - no bad news," Eddie jumped in. "We just wanna hear your opinion on something and take our time."
"Weird, but okay." Chris shrugged.
However, it wasn't okay at all. That didn't ease Christopher at all. It was a big mistake to tease him like that. It was 2 in the morning when Buck, who slept in the living room, heard the clicking from his crutches and woke up.
"Buddi, why are you awake?" he whispered, hoping not to wake up Eddie.
"Tell me what's going on. I can't sleep," he insisted.
"Oh, Chris, come here." Buck opened his arms for Chris to wrap him in a hug. They hadn't had many physical moments in a long time, but it was still a place Chris felt safe in. So he gently put his mobility aid to the side and sank into him.
"Tomorrow," Buck assured him softly.
"But-"
"You trust me?"
"Of course."
"Then it will be tomorrow."
Chris was helpless against his super comfy cuddling power. Buck's heartbeat was his own little lullaby. And after the lightning strike, he knew that this sound was treasurable. They cuddled a bit till Chris fell halfway asleep, and Buck picked him up.
"I'm not a baby anymore," he mumbled, halfway in his dreams.
"We know," Buck said, and still tugged him in his bed like he did 5 years ago.
With the help of Bucks' super power, Chris did get some sleep. Finally, after breakfast the next morning, they all sat down in the living room.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, but we wanted to have enough time for this conversation." Eddie started.
"Okay...?" Chris still had no idea what the big deal would be about.
"You remember last weekend when you were with Pepa? I actually was at a speed dating event that evening. Buck and Ravi were there too. We didn't know about it. Chimney set us up without telling us," he explained further.
Chris didn't like this. The idea of his Dad dating someone. Anyone.
"You promised not to bring another woman into our lives. That this place was still reserved for mom," he stated, already hurt, without the main talking point even coming up.
"I did say this and I meant it. I made a mistake. With dating Marisol, even though I didn't give her my all. By letting this other women even one inch in our lives. I get and respect that you needed some space. But something happend I didn't expect. And I never wanted something so much more in my life than I do right now beside you and your mom, so please hear us out."
Us? Wait, why is it so important that Buck is here? Chris slowly got the idea of what his Dad wanted to hint at. He was smart.
"It's Buck, isn't it?"
Buck and Eddie exchanged some telling looks till Eddie nodded and gave Buck the ok to continue.
"Ehm, yeah. We kind of ended together last Saturday, without it being serious. But we had a lot of fun and realized some things. We talked a lot the next day about what happend. And we concluded that we wanted to try dating. For serious."
Chris looked down, thinking. Usually, you could read the room with one look at his face, but he was more expressionless than ever. A little panic got into Buck, and he threw a quick "Of course, only if it's okay with you," in the room.
"Does it really matter what I say?" Chris asked.
"Nothing matters more to us." Eddie strengthened him.
"Then my answer is no. I don't want this." They expected a negative reaction just in case. They did talk about what would happend if he were against it. Still, they believed that he would support them. Because they're family. But they were wrong.
"Can I go now?"
"Wait, Chris, can you at least tell us why. So we can understand. And talk about it?" Buck brought it to the surface because he knew with one look at Eddie that he was speechless. And hurt. But.
"Not now. I got homework to do." Chris demanded and waddled into his room with a lightly slammed door.
Chris already knew it. That at least his Dad was in love. He liked Ana. He liked Marisol. And his Dad did too. But he never smiled that big, sounded so happy, and looked so at ease then he did when Buck was around. And Buck was always around.
The moment his Dad arrived at El Paso, he was like another human being to him. He was miserable. But Chris was too, and he was so angry and disappointed and wanted to run away. It got better after the chest tournament. They got closer again. But the best moment was when he was back on a visit in Los Angeles to comfort Buck. Buck holding him in his arms while his Dad and Pepa were there was the best he felt in a long time.
And it felt guilty. Because Bobby died, and that was the reason they were there again. And they would go again.
He also loves his grandparents, but the older he got, the more he felt that his Dad didn't feel the same. Maybe it's like this when you grow up. But he didn't want to feel the distance to his Dad ever. So the decision to move back felt like they could finally breathe again.
Chris got mad when he found out that Buck would move out. Why? Didn't make sense. They were happier when he was with them. It was clear as daylight because his Dad got a bit sadder when it was just the two of them again. Weirdly, Buck didn't stick that much at their place anymore. He could understand him wanting not to crash here anymore. Since the couch was broken and he needed to share a bed with his Dad, and his Dad kicks in his sleep. But he didn't come over that often to make breakfast. They didn't play video games more than maybe once a week.
Buck distances himself from Chris. Or from his Dad, he didn't know, the outcome was the same. He was back in LA and missed Buck even more than he did when he was in Texas. And he promised. That, at the end of the day, Chris would always have his Buck.
Apparently, he also lied. Adults always lie.
And maybe this sounds confusing because his Dad and Buck together would make them a real family. They could move back together, enjoy every meal, and maybe he could celebrate with all the people he loves on his next birthday.
But he could also lose Buck.
Like Ana. Or Marisol. Or his mom. When people die, you can't bring them back, he learned that the hard way. But when couples break up, it's the same. Ana turned into a faded memory. Marisol switched schools. He never saw Tommy again. He didn't want to lose his Buck. It was okay if they were in love with each other. But they shouldn't be together.
Eddie was gone. Said he needed some fresh air to breathe and some minutes alone. Asked if Buck could watch over Chris and try talking to him again. As friends. But the minutes turned into hours, Chris didn't want to come out, and he only had a short message from Eddie that said he was at Maddie's and Chim.
After 3 hours, Buck tried one more time. Knocked on Chris's door with a plate of freshly sliced oranges. To his surprise, he heard a click and the door opened.
"Can I sit with you?" Buck asked hesitantly. He was trying to test the water here.
"Whatever," was the only reaction he got. Seemed like an okay.
"I brought you an orange. The way you like them."
"Hmm."
Buck watched him a bit, taking a slice of orange, scrbbling into his math book. Didn't know what to say, but he needed to say. Like anything.
"Is it my fault? You not wanting us to date?" he couldn't resist the urge to ask any longer.
"Not really."
"So it's Eddie?"
"No."
"You just want us to stay friends?" It was hard for Buck to bring a clear answer out of his boy.
"Yeah. It's for the best." Chris said after some time.
"Why?" Then he got silent.
"Buddie, we meant it. We want your opinion on it, ok? You're not a baby. You turn 16 next year! But you need to use words so we can understand. I kind of have the feeling it has nothing to do with us being in love with each other." Buck pleaded because he knew Chris.
And he knew Chris loved them, no matter how self-conscious he got and no matter how many demons in his mind told him he was not worthy of their love.
"It doesn't. Already knew it." Buck raised an eyebrow at this answer.
"Since when?"
"Since the tsunami?" he considered.
"You really think we're hopelessly in love since then?" Buck laughed at the thought of it. Since the tsunami, really?
"Weren't you?" Ok, Chris meant it seriously.
"Don't know. I mean, I knew I loved you both. Already knew you're my family. Just not like that."
"The only thing I know is with what eyes Dad looked at you during this time, and this look never changes. It's the same way he looked at Mom." That needed to sink in. Luckily, Chris got talkative and shared what lingered on his mind.
"I know some people have 2 dads. Or moms, like Denny and Mara. I never want another mom ever again. I thought, at the time, that maybe a second Dad would be fine. But it never happend. I didn't understand why." Chris' words got tears into Buck's eyes. Chris loving them seemed like an understatement.
"I guess we weren't ready at the time," he said, realizing what he had missed in all these years.
"And now you are?"
"I hope so. Because trying to resist the urge to kiss your Dad over the last week was harder than swimming through a tsunami."
"Irgh, gross."
"I'm sorry, but it's the truth. We really want this. I want us."
Chris knew he meant it seriously. Buck was his best friend, after all. He could be even more.
"I don't know Buck..."
"Tell me why, please, Christopher."
"If you come together, this would be great. I would love this, actually. Like, a lot. I don't think things would change that much. Expect we could see each other without it ever feeling out of place again. But what if you fight? And break up? I already lost mom. I nearly lost Dad. I can't do this anymore."
Buck's heart broke at the words again. It made sense. It confirmed their concerns. But he smiled in response.
"You know, I had the same reason for not asking your Dad on a date. Do you really think I could freely leave you behind? In no universe."
"Doesn't convince me." Chris insisted again.
The boy was a tough nut to crack. And Buck decided to make a risky move.
"Can I tell you a secret? But you must promise not to tell your Dad that I said this to you. I get it, he doesn't want to scare you. But it's only fair for you to know, and we need to find a way to better talk about these things. Because soon you're gonna be an adult."
"What is it?" Chris asked, struck by curiosity.
"Years ago, even before your Dad got, you know, shot. He gave me custody in his will if ever something happend to him. I'm your legal guardian, just in case. Of course, I hope this will never happend. I'm not even religious, but I pray every day that this doesn't happen. I pray that we can grow old and grey together. But you can't lose me - either way."
"Expect you die. Or even worse, you both die. I mean, you're together a lot at the job." It was hard hearing these words out of the thing he treasured most.
So, Buck assured him, "Won't happend."
"You can't promise me that."
"I can. I will. Christopher Diaz, I promise you till the end of space and time, I will give anything to stay alive and protect your dad from any harm. I promise to love, cherish, and satisfy you both with my charm and baking skills for the rest of our long lives."
Chris finally looked at him with his familiar little smile. Yes, he was still afraid of things going down. But if he could survive a tsunami, maybe he could survive his Dad and best friend being in love with another.
A huge weight was lifted from Buck's heart.
Eddie didn't know where else he should go, so he visited Chim and Maddie in the hope it would cheer him up.
And it did, indeed, help him, hearing Maddie gush about how happy she is that 'it' finally happened. How she knew a long time ago how hard Buck crushed on him. How she always knew that Eddie brought the best out of her little brother and vice versa. How glad she is that her kids are gonna have another fantastic uncle. In a way, it was funny. How slowly his found family turned into his real family. Real might not be the right word. But whenever he thought their connection couldn't deepen anymore, they grew closer together.
He also used the chance to ask Chimney if he suspected something was going on and if it was his plan from the start. To maybe let them realize, after enduring countless 7-minute dates, that it could only be them or nobody. But Chimney, honored, somebody giving him this much credit, said no.
Well, nobody knew Hen was the mastermind after all..
To his surprise, Eddie didn't find in his home a sulking teenage son and sad love. But instead, his two favorite people compete against each other in a heated round of Mario Kart. Buck lost his battle. But to be fair, he was distracted by his shining not-yet-boyfriend in the doorframe.
"Is this a yes? To us?" Eddie asked Chris with a hopeful look.
"Only if you stay together forever!" he determined with a smirk.
"This almost sounds like you want to push us to a proposal." Buck joked, looking relieved at Eddie.
"A bit early for that. But maybe we could skip the dating part and start as boyfriends. If the young men in the house allow it."
"I do," Chris confirmed to them. "You may kiss the bride."
The bride..?
The teasing at work will be hard enough, now even their son starts to bully them. But Buck didn't let him tell this twice. He stood up, took only a few steps, and finally, after a long week of Eddie's abstinence, kissed his now-to-be boyfriend.
Or bride, as others would say.