Work Text:
Have you got colour in your cheeks?
Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift
The type that sticks around like summat in your teeth?
Sentimental isn’t Tony’s thing. He’s more of a “hit and quit” kind of guy, but with Steve, it’s different. He definitely wants to hit, but he doesn’t want to quit, and that scares him.
This feeling crept up on him too.
He started actually listening to Steve. Not just the words (he listened to those too sometimes) but his actual voice. How, during fights, it was strong and sharp, but during movie nights for example, it was light and soft and kind and adorable and-
“What do you think Tony?” Steve asked, and suddenly, all eyes in the room were on him.
“Yeah sure. Whatever Ice Pop says.” Tony replies, unfazed. He never pays attention in these SHIELD meetings anyway.
Everyone resumes whatever discussion they were having, and Bruce leans over to Tony. “It’s okay. I don’t think anybody noticed how you were staring at Steve for the past five minutes.” Bruce smirks.
“Shut up.” Tony groans. He is totally screwed.
Are there some aces up your sleeve?
Have you no idea that you're in deep?
I dreamt about you nearly every night this week
When Tony does manage to get sleep, he is usually plagued by nightmares, but sometimes, there’s something worse.
Dreams- of Steve.
Dreams of Steve laughing, dreams of him and Steve, dreams of what he really wants (which is, newsflash, Steve).
Tony thinks that he would rather have nightmares than this.
It’s too much. He is always around Steve, which makes it worse. At this point, he can barely look the man in the eye, much less hold a proper conversation. Usually when he wants to get away from responsibility, he’ll fly around in his suit for a few hours, but there is no escape from his dreams. He stays up as long as he can on coffee and distracting himself with his tech, but eventually, he has to sleep, where he is plagued by his dreams once again.
How many secrets can you keep? '
Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep
Spilling drinks on my settee
They aren’t the best of friends, which makes it harder to accept how he feels (something that Tony doesn’t do that well to begin with).
Sighing, he makes his way to his floor of the tower with his nightly glass of scotch. It was 2 in the morning, and he hadn’t slept in two days. He lays down and plays some music to try to help him fall asleep quicker. Tony closes his eyes and thinks that he might actually get a good night’s rest, with no dreams or nightmares, when he sits up, quietly cursing.
American Bad Ass by Kid Rock is playing, and how is it even possible for Tony to not think about Steve now? He fumbles with the phone a bit, and finally gets the song changed.
The thoughts of Steve never leave his head.
Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? '
Cause I always do
He’s stuck in a bit of a cycle, Tony is.
Sleep
Nightmare (or Dream, which is equally as bad)
Work
Drink
Repeat
He’s in the drink phase right now, and has had five too many glasses of scotch. His phone is sitting not even a foot away, and Tony can’t help but be compelled to call Steve.
Before his drunk brain can register what he’s doing, Steve picks up.
“Tony? What do you want? It’s …… 4 in the morning.” Steve says groggily.
“H-heeeeyy Capsicle” Tony slurs back.
“Tony are you drunk? You said that you would stop. What happened?” He whispers. Tony can practically feel the disappointed parent vibes coming off of Cap. Realizing that, even through his drunkenness, he is too sober to have that conversation, Tony quickly hangs up. Tears start blurring his vision as he stumbles to his room. How did I go from genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist to hopelessly in love with a ninety-year-old he thinks, bitterly. And where do I go from here?
Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I've thought it through
The whole team was on the common floor when Tony stumbled in, extremely hungover.
Steve stood up first. “Are you alright Tony? You called me last night and- “
“I’m fine cap. Just…. shhhhh.” Tony replied, reaching for anything to make his headache go away.
“You need a girlfriend Tony.” Natasha joked. “Ever since Pepper left you’ve been a mess.” He just groaned in response, but Nat’s words got him thinking. Pepper was the first real relationship that he was in, and after they broke up, he slept with too many people to count trying to get over her.
But he hasn’t slept with anyone since realizing his feelings for Steve.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you
I don't know if you feel the same as I do
But we could be together if you wanted to
Being as hungover as he was, he walked into the counter and fell right into Steve as he walked into the kitchen. Steve caught him in the most Captain America way, and Tony was stuck staring into those blue eyes. His eyes slowly trailed down to those lips, the ones that he’s been fantasizing about for months. He was so tempted to just kiss Steve right now, and forget every fear he’s had. His lips were moving, saying something, but Tony couldn’t register the words. He was just focused on the movement. How pink they were. He’s in way too deep.
Suddenly he was put back on his feet, and snapped out of his fantasy. Steve was gently shaking him, asking if he was sure that he was okay. Tony brushed his feelings off, saying that everything was good, when it was far from that.
(Do I wanna know?)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you'd stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day
Who hasn’t heard of Bucky Barnes?
Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th. Captain Americas side kick/best friend, or, more recently, the Winter Soldier.
Steve and Sam were going to try to find him, and everyone was bidding their farewells. Tony knows that he needs to tell Steve about his feelings, even if they may not be reciprocated. There’s a slight chance of him not coming back from this mission, and it’s now or never really. He wants Steve to stay; he needs more time to figure out how to have this discussion.
“Steve.” Tony says, finally deciding to grow a pair and tell him.
“Tony?” Steve asks.
“I, um, need to tell you something…important.” Tony mumbles. He has no idea how to do this.
“What’s up? We have to leave in a few minutes so I don’t have long.” Steve replies.
All he has to do is say three words- I love you. It isn’t that difficult. So why can’t he say it? It feels like the words are stuck in his throat. He’s trying-trying so hard to just say it, but he can’t. He can’t make a confession like that, not tonight. Maybe when Steve gets back from looking for Bucky, maybe never. Just not now.
“Good luck. And be safe kid.” Tony finally says.
“Thanks Tony.” Steve chuckles.
And he walks away.