Chapter Text
Kageyama Tobio has the ten commandments memorised in his head, like a song you sing to yourself when you get anxious about anything.
I am the LORD your God; you shall not have strange gods before me.
You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
Remember to keep holy the LORD’s Day.
Honor your father and mother.
You shall not kill.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
He knew them all by heart, it was simple.
But there was one he never read out loud in all his knowledge of the bible.
“Do not look at a man the way you do a woman.”
The raven haired knew this as an unspoken rule, in all the churches, he could feel the uncomfortable atmosphere when such.. vulgar topics were brought up.
Tobio understood the ugly truth.
“Gay people were sinners, to be banished in the depths, for they have disobeyed the lord, the father.”
It was the sincere reality.
If so, why do they have to be so endearing?
Why do they have to have this shine in their eyes?
Why do their pupils dilate to a round, shallow black every time he does something stupid, or plain out simple?
Why is their hair the softest fabric he’s touched?
Why does it lace through his fingers like a velvet silk?
“Oi, Kageyama-kun.”
He looked at him, as the shorter continued to face onwards. Tobio concerned himself with his side profile, his messy hair had dried leaves tangled in it, as another leaf dropped from the large, autumn tree above them, falling in the side of his never ending curls.
The taller boy would never miss the way he had this light, humane upturn of his lips on his face whenever he relaxed his muscles, it was a simple sight that the setter wished he got to see more.
The boy averted his gaze to the hill across from them, where their teammates Nishinoya and Tanaka were arguing over who would get to carry Kiyoko’s bags for her, as the girl in question had an amused expression on her face, with Yachi watching alongside her, with an awkward, yet used to it smile.
It made Tobio sick, he felt an urge of discomfort deep in his throat, he felt the small hairs along his arms stiffening with tingles of jealousy.
“What, dumbass?”
He could barely find it in himself to lace his words with as much bluntness as usual, Hinata gave him a concerned, yet sarcastic look.
“I was always wondering, do you think of yourself as an honest person?”
“That’s a-lot deeper than I wanna go, what the hell’s up with you?”
“I-It doesn’t matter! Just answer idiot!”
Tobio looked to the sky, and back to the ginger as a strong gust of wind flew past, his hair ruffled in front of his face, swooping up and down through the wind.
But no, that’s not normal to think of, wait, what is he thinking?
This is completely normal, and he’s being completely honest, he’s just confusing his feelings up.
He gazed at the older boy’s somewhat anxious expression.
“I’d say I’m very honest, not much to lie about.”
He lied, there was one thing he did.
Whether he liked it or not, whether he admitted it was a lie or not.
He wasn’t attracted to Shimizu, well, maybe he is, he just can’t comprehend it properly and he’s just being very dramatic over this, he’s attracted to Shimizu, he’s just having a hard time realising it.
Yea.
____________________________________________
It was a pretty sight.
Michimiya-san was a pretty sight, why didn’t he feel anything?
Michimiya Yui shyly handed a gift to their Captain, as her friends cheered her on.
Sawamura took it, it seemed like some sort of souvenir or a safety card, but the raven haired didn’t care.
He analyzed their body language with each other, the female captain trembled slightly, and their consecutive counterpart looked flattered, patting his neck as he humbly took it.
Sugawara-senpai nodded in understanding, he looked so happy, but his eyes glossed over in the cascading sun, his lips trembled as he pushed Asahi away in a playful manner.
Tobio was sure it was only him who noticed.
Sugawara was the only person he even fathomed the idea of talking to his feelings about.
The older boy had a panicked expression on his face, when the younger described his intricate, innocent perspective of Hinata.
It was in the locker rooms, they were both generally calm people, so many moments of silence were split in between them, but it never felt uncomfortable, just heavy.
Now he knows his story, senpai doesn’t wanna confess and is convinced he never will, he prefers to shove his unnecessary feelings in a glass bottle that oh so wants to crack.
Tobio always looked up to him, mostly is aspects aside from general volleyball skill, he admired how easily his upperclassman connected with people.
He really admired his stability right now.
____________________________________________
Yachi let out a set of controlled giggles, which were the mischievous type you wouldn't expect to hear from her, as she was up behind Hinata,the boy in question crouched down a bit, as she tied his hair in a similar manner of hers, a side ponytail, yet she decided to throw in a ribbon to make for some extra support of his unruly locks.
Apparently, this was her payback for helping them review for the upcoming end of term exams, cause as cohesively described by Tsukishima, (That snobby imbecile..) they sounded like uneducated, spoiled cavemen who didn’t understand the concept of communication whenever they spoke English.
Kageyama hated him.
“Wahh!! I’m so jealous of how thick your hair is, Hinata-kun.”
Even though no one will outright mention it, everyone was happy that Yachi was coming out of her shell more, they were all relieved she finally understood that she truly belonged there, no one was putting merely up with her presence, she's finally starting to blossom her own sense individuality, she adds in her own opinions now, and in a strange turn of events, Kageyama was one of the happiest people for her, despite how, if you looked at the group of first years, you’d assume the girl and the scary looking one would be the least close, they had a fair connection.
As she grew more confident in herself, she came
out to Hinata and Kageyama as a lesbian, she liked women.
Kageyama wondered if something like that could be normal when it came to him.
He didn’t see Yachi any differently, he looked her in the face as her and Hinata bantered gently, watching as the young girl took out her makeup kit menacingly, mutely pushing the ginger haired to lean on the stairs outside the locked gym doors.
Tobio saw Yachi, as Yachi, a kind, anxious, smart girl, not as a weirdo who likes girls.
Tobio wondered if he deserved to have the same perspective on himself, maybe he should accept it.
No, he’s not like that, and he never has been.
The raven haired felt a roar creep up the edges of his stomach, the butterflies he originally felt below at the sight of his favorite boy with mascara on him crawling back up his throat like moths he can’t help but throw up.
____________________________________________
Tobio is 7, listening to his sister talk to an anonymous, cheerful voice
on her flip phone, the girl across the line had a sweet, tender voice, he was a mere eavesdropper yet he could practically hear the grin on his sister’s face and of the one across the signal.
Tobio is 9, watching his parents repeatedly scold his older sister, they kept bringing up the words “Fag” and “Disgusting” even young, illiterate Tobio understood these were not good.
Tobio is 10 when he hasn’t seen his sister in over a month, he’s repeatedly persuading his parents to let him know where she is, why she’s there, and when she’ll come back, it’s been long since he’s had someone to play with.
Apparently, she was at a camp for people who disobeyed the order of the lord.
Her mother gently spoke to him, explaining gently with a soft smile on her face as she fixed the picture on their shelf, she spoke as if she was talking to a toddler, it made him so, very, very uncomfortable, he gazed at the picture.
He couldn’t see his sister in it.
Tobio is 16 when he falls into the same rabbit hole he promised to his sister he never would.
____________________________________________
Tobio is 21 as he watches him, so naturally align with that piss hared freak.
Wow, “Piss hair?” he really is just as immature as he was in high school, maybe that’s why he never admitted it, maybe that’s why he was such a coward.
But maybe, in this moment, as he looks at his rival across the net, but maybe now of all times he’ll finally understand that he wasn’t just a coward, he was aware, he was already conscious about the type of freak he was, the disgusting person of nature he was, he knew if he were to ever accept hisself, it would make everything worse, it really would, does someone who grew up in a house of strict rules and expectations really gonna be a reliable person in a relationship?
Tobio was better than Atsumu at setting, he knew that he had better accuracy when aiming the ball, it’s not something he’d ever stray from.
But, there was one thing he beat him at.
Tobio let out a quiet, bittersweet laugh one of his teammates awkwardly laughing with him, asking what it was, as they looked in the same direction as the raven haired was.
Tobio really hasn’t changed.
Atsumu beat him to his own acceptance.
But maybe that as a thing is something he’ll actually accept.
____________________________________________
As their previous captain stood up to bring a toast, Michimiya gazed at him with a tender, gooey look in her irises, until now, she still has the same hairstyle as she did in her third year, even after maturing, she really is just the same as she was before.
“And now, i’ll give a toast to my best man.”
Tobio tensed in his seat at the words of the older, newlywed man, he dared himself to look up at the scene in front of him, if he were to blur out the duos which sat in front of him, on the silk, pearly avenue chairs.
The volleyball player didn’t see the grinning brown haired girl, with it reaching just past her chin.
He saw the message in his upperclassman’s eyes, how Daichi looked at the boy with silver hair, how he’d watch him recite his message mutely.
Koushi downturned his gaze, but as all those years ago, the orange sun, orange... it fell across his face, downsizing the tears in his eyes.
“And to you, Daichi, thank you, for allowing me to come on this journey, enjoy, marriage, man.”
The boy with the silver hair, let out a small, bitter, laugh, his voice so disgustingly tender in its sweet manner.
Daichi smiled.
“I’ll anyways be the grateful one.”
Koushi shallowly handed the microphone to Michimiya, no, Yui, his fingers tensed up as a shiver rushed to his knuckles, the brunette softly took it from him, a trembling smile on her face as her eyes shook its glossy tears, she passed it on to her maid of honour, the pretty lady’s slim fingers shook rapidly, as she attempted to pick up the piece of paper across from her on the pristine table with it’s eye sickening red cloth.
“Yui, I remember watching as you and D-Daichi-san interacted for the first time, it was such a funny, sight, all these years,I knew what..w-was to come, i’ve expected this for so long, yet..”
The girl paused, she averted her face downwards, her lips curving into a smile as a singular, salty tear fell down her face like reality slapping her with cold water, and somehow, she could still stay smiling.
Tobio was unsure of her general identity, he remembered her face and recognised the ashy brown of her hair from high school.
“I’m so, so happy for you, Yui, I cannot bare to express... the.... relief, that bubbles in my stomach right now, and, I’m having a hard time comprehending that, this is the last time i’ll ever know you as.. “Michimiya” And... you deserve this, so much, you deserve to live this future to come, and I can only imagine, how, good.. Sawamura-san will treat you.”
She placed down the papers, looking down at the brunette girl, she looked her in the eyes, with a gentle, accepting smile on her face, as the girl in question had a mildly confused expression at her use of emphasis, but still managing her signature chipmunk grin at her previous underclassman.
Koushi looked at the small interaction from across, he admired her courage to look her in the eyes, as this is the last time she’ll ever be able to dream of holding Yui close.
Despite his very generally mild relationship with the ashy gray stranded girl, the boy couldn’t help but observe the look of acceptance in her eyes, and before the main couple even stepped into the church, the two looked at each other knowingly, understanding the pain with one, simple, look, as they primly sat in their chairs, where the ones who got away would soon sit in between them, hand in hand.
“How sickening.” The envious boy in the avenue muttered.
The black haired’s calm, sharp features tensed ever so slightly at the last few sentences, “You deserve this.” Was this his punishment for disobeying the word of the all right lord? Having to listen to a stranger force themselves to smile, Having to listen to them yearn for a different outcome? Maybe if he never sinned, maybe if he never bottled up his wrongdoings, he’d never have to wish on about the universe he could have lived in, a universe, where maybe, God didn’t exist, and wasn’t watching over his every move, and maybe he wasn’t hearing his every thought, and as the church fell silent, everyone bowing their heads and making a wish for the couple, Tobio turned up his head, looking directly at the cross, he made his final prayer.
“Please, make me normal.”
Delicate tears fall onto Tanaka's cheeks, a smile shines through the streams of water, a one which he can't just stop at the sight of his newly wed bride in her dress, the graceful woman walked down the aisle, purpose in each of her steps, as the guests let out onslaughts of gasps at the bride, as a stark contrast to the grey haired boy, had a singular, tear falling down her left eye, just past her cheek it fell, it fell, a sign of how, despite how generally masked the woman's emotions were, she felt them, she felt them, just as deep, just as painful, and just as exhilarating as everyone else, a large grin found it's way on to her face, the tender glaze her husbands eyes and the pure, unfiltered gasp he let out.
Tobio, despite his state of simple depression, had a genuine, true smile on his face, one which, the self he was at Daichi and Yui's wedding would scoff at, he was well prepared to get a few shots in his self, cry a bit and leave the wedding, still sober enough to go home without anyone showing worthless their concern or pity, yea, that sounded like a soundproof, impenetrable plan, as long as he doesn't get egged on, baited, or in his own words, doesn't fall for a specific ginger hair's smooth talk, convincing him to stay, Tobio will NOT fall for that.
"If anyone has any lawful reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.''
An expected silence fell over the church, he gave Yachi, who was next to him a quick glance, giving him his hand to clutch as she took deep, trembling breaths, squeezing the younger boy's hand for dear life.
Blank expressions were Tobio's signature impression of someone who felt less emotion than others, but that was wrong, he felt things so harshly, he felt them as deep as a knife's cut, as deeps as the claws of a stray cat.
Observing the situation again, he notices just how much charm he truly has, he was thoughtful enough to offer Yachi the support he knew the blonde, the one who fell in to the immeasurable pit, way too far during their first year just as he did, he understood how she felt just by the desperate grasp she had on his hand.
This reminded the boy that he WAS conventionally attractive, this reminded him that he could very well just commit to a lavender marriage with Yachi, she was quite sure that she would approve, especially with how the Japanese society treats creatures like them.
It wasn't something too out of the ordinary too, both of the pair had known each other for years, they had a deep connection now one could deny, it wasn't too strange, and he doubted anyone would ask too many questions he couldn't answer.
"Do you remember the exact moment you two fell in love?"
.
.
.
No I don't.
I don't remember one happening.
He could picture Shimizu-san asking this to the both of them, and they would just reply with the old, sappy, "It was love at first sight."
The only issue is Kei.
The boy with the glasses, he would take one look at their half-assed smiles and would already know, he would never say anything, he was never the type to start up gossip, he was never that type of person, but, the acceptance in his eyes, the knowing glance he'd shoot at Tobio in his suit, and at Yachi in her dress as she held the flowers, the gaze that could pierce through both of their well built, exteriors, the eyes that witnessed every single glance they's spare each other as Ryuu told Shimi- Kiyoko, how beautiful she was everyday, Kei observed the gooey look in the setter's eyes when he fingered his hand through the ginger boy’s unruly locks.
As the wedding went on, the raven haired boy was half expecting Nishinoya-senpai or Yachi to object, but luckily, both of them, (or maybe only Yachi) have enough dignity and true respect for this happy couple that the pure consequences which would be destroying the marriage and their friendships they were oh so happy to even be a part of, the idea of letting their feelings spill through, and do something like that would make both of them simultaneously gag.
Tobio and the girl whose hands were currently trembling so hard they could crack always had this unexpected bond between them, they both respected each other for their individual talents, traits, and the..situations they were in, truly, the pair had this unspoken of familiarity in each other’s presence.
His younger self would audibly cringe at the fact his future would be consisted of himself pining for that, stupidly, disgustingly adorable, brat he would see everyday.
He’d be disgusted at the atrocious manner his future would be.
Fuzzy blobs clouded the boy's vision, he can vaguely make out loud chatter, the oh so unexpected disappearance of the girl who looked ready to cry herself to the grave, and the blinding orange lights that came from the intricate, golden chandeliers above.
”Oi, baka!! You already look like you’re at death’s door!!”
It’s not everyday he’s at a place like this, a mental note struck through his barely conscious mind he bet 2000¥ it was late, and by now only the guests very close the groom and bride were staying, which loosely translated to: “The past Karasuno and their family.”
His eyes were hazy, different shaped, sharp and round dancing and clouding throughout his tunnel vision, he could vaguely make out what seemed to be Saeko-sans booming voice, the clamps of cheered beverages, and the dim, moonlight which cascaded into the room through streaks by the tall colourful windows, reflecting everywhere in his blurry irises.
By now, he’d blow away his bangs with a grumpy huff, he always wanted to cut them, but Miwa argued he looked way better with them, and he’d just have to idle there and take her experienced work for it.
Happy.
He was really relieved that he had taken her advice, but he didn’t bother blowing them away this time.
“Nehh, are you alive in there Kags?”
He got closer to his face, allowing for Tobio’s bangs to frame his features, making him look like a pretty girl with long, straight black hair, he- she, had large, curious, hazel eyes, the ones which the setter always adored so much, he adored the glint of amusement in her eyes, the way freckles dotted her slight flushed cheeks, most likely under the influence of a few shots, Tobio wished it was because of something else.
The cross hung up on the church’s alter glared at him from behind, daring the raven haired to blow his hair away and erase the beautiful picture he’s created, one he so desperately wishes to keep in the back of his mind for all of eternity.
He bet that he looked stupid, slumped over a graceful table limply, a beer in his right hand stretched across.
But Tobio didn’t care, he was sure that no one else in the room was paying his not so graceful position any mind, he didn’t care if anyone did, he only wanted one person’s attention.
What mattered, when the girl of his dreams was in front of him, moving his head back a bit to attempt to recognise whether he was even conscious.
Nothing else mattered when the illusion he fantasised about every night before going to sleep.
He was the happiest man alive with her, the woman he’s always wanted right in front of his face, paying him all of her attention.
Thank you, God, you truly are out there, and maybe you’ve spared me, giving me this opportunity.
Kageyama knows exactly what he is, and the scariest part? He doesn't want to stop it.
____________________________________________
Sunlight cascades through the open window, as the curtains just above the sink fly in harmony.
Kageyama doesn't know how long it's been since his last visit here, as he stands outside the door blankly. He doesn't want to find out either.
He's rung the bell multiple times in the past thirty seconds, but with the lack of response, it's plain to assume that neither of the couple are home.
However, just as soon as he turns to leave and forgets that this ever happened, the door opens with a small creak, revealing Hitoka's petite figure dressed in a graphic t-shirt and pants with her hair tied back. She looks at him and studies his stance for a moment, before squealing and opening the door wider to look up at him.
"Oh my gosh! It's been so long! What brings you back here, Tobio?" Hitoka's voice was as raspy and cheery as it's always been. And Tobio has to give her the credit. They really haven't seen each other since "the wedding.”
“Can I…come in?” Tobio asked hesitantly, where was his shame? Not visiting her once in months and yet here he was, casually asking to enter her home.
“Oh!! I totally forgot to let you in. Come on, come on.” The blond shrieked, putting her hands up in panic, quickly laying up against the wall to let Tobio’s larger figure enter the home.
The place had warm lighting; it's cozy. Some people would take that as an insult, but he knew that Hitoka actually never really wanted a big home. She told him that when they were in high school.
Yachi carefully made her way out of the kitchen, holding a small jug with what seems to be iced tea inside. In her other hand is two plastic cups. She sets them on the low, wooden table in the living room as Tobio finally decides to take a seat on the couch, an awkward sweat rolling down his forehead.
She pours iced tea into both of the cups, filling the one on the right just a little bit more, before taking a seat at the other end of the table.
"So, I asked a while ago, but it seems I got caught up, i’m so sorry, but what brings you here?"
“Nothing, just wanted to check up, how are you and Tadashi doing?”
“We’re doing great, he’s just at Kei’s taking out some more of his things.”
Tobio’s answer is caught in his throat, he technically chokes, but he swallows his stupidity.
“W-Why are his things at Kei’s?”
No, please.
I don’t want to hear to answer.
Why did I have to ask?
“Oh? Didn’t one of them tell you?”
The short woman perked up from below, looking genuinely quite surprised.
“Well..we just..haven’t talked in a little bit, that’s all.”
Kageyama is lying.
It’s been half a year since he’s decided to face those two.
“Well, they broke up just before me and Tadashi got together, so most of his stuff is still there, you’re really so clueless sometimes Tobio!”
Kageyama doesn’t understand whether Hitoka’s chuckle are genuine or her sad, vain efforts at not directly telling Kageyama he’s an idiot.
Kageyama doesn’t even acknowledge how much more bold Yachi has gotten since their high school years,
He doesn’t mind the ice cubes melting in the tea she so kindly offered to him.
Because—
Shit.
They broke up?
“Why..did they break up?”
“Y’know, Tadashi’s parents are hyper-religious, they almost got caught, and maybe it would’ve just been safer to—well you get my point.”
Her smile is so…soft, it’s barely there.
“Hitoka.”
“..Hm?”
“How did you realise that you were a.. y’know.”
“A homosexual.”
She answers for him.
“I felt..this buzz in my chest whenever I was around Kiyoko-san, I really did like her, so much, she was my first girl-crush actually, did you know that? Tobio?”
Tobio swallows a breath, her tone is so-
…
Is she upset because he brought it up?
…
“Your silence is a dead giveaway.”
She chuckles.
It comes out forced and awkward.
Say something.
Anything.
“When—was the exact moment you.. well...”
Tobio trails off of his track of thouhts, the right words slipping through his fingers as he reaches for them in the back of his mind. "Understood." “The day she invited me into the club.”
“Ah—okay.”
He desperately grabs at the opportunity to end this conversation, not only that, Tobio has created vaguely two thousand five hundred sixty seven sentences to stray them as far away from this topic as possible, maybe if he prays hard enough to his so ever-forgiving God then he'll be allowed to forget this ever happened, and maybe spare oh sweet, kind, lovely Yachi too.
He hastily picks up the glass that's been slowly withering away on the table, taking a sip and audibly choking, at the disgusting amount of flavouring crammed into such a small cup.
Ah yes, he very much forgot Yachi's somewhat concerning love for sweet things.
"A-are you okay!?"
The girl immediately jumps up with the reflexes that could rival an army veteran, absolutely lunging for the spot next to the boy on the couch.
She taps on his back frantically, is she crying? Tobio can barely make out whether or not she is, vision so delightfully taken over by black fuzzy spots and senses clawing for air especially in his throat.
How painful and how embarrassing of him.
Is the only proper thought he can muster up as he chugs a glass of water.
________________________________
The alter is decorated with assortments of yellow flowers, tucked into the white fabric covering the chairs that were a deep brown, making a stark, but fitting contrast against the crystal blue that shone of the church's glass windows.
He knows this place like the back of his hand, ask Tobio yourself and he'd say he knows it a bit too well, more than his personal preference but he can't complain now.
Wanna hear some good news?
It's finally legal in Japan!
That's how Tobio is sitting on the sidelines, watching as the love of his life is swept before his eyes, unable to do anything about it.
Hinata told him an entire month before their wedding, so the entirety of Tobio's December was spent trying to come to terms with the reality that was:
Would he be able to take being Hinata's best man? And being able to stand so close during the ceremony? It was both a blessing and a curse.
Being his best man, that is.
Was it selfish of him to desperately wish that it was never legalised?
Tobio would rather wait all torturous eternity maintaining their current best-friends status.
Rather than watch him with another.
Morals
It sounded disgusting.
Tobio spares the yellow flowers one glance, they must be Nikko lillies, must have been hard to get a-hold of them during winter.
"Do you take Hinata Shoyo, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"Yes sir I do."
"And you, mister, do you take Miya Atsumu, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
No.
Please say no.
"Yes. I do."
Cold air hits Tobio's face, a firm scrunch plastered against those features, his lips stuttering as he repeats the date again and again in his head, wondering that maybe if he prayed enough, desperately enough, then maybe his wish would be granted at last.
March 5 2023.
March 5 2023.
March 5 2023.
March 5 2023.
March 5 2023.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
March 5 2023.
College parties were never his thing. Hot chicks in skimpy dressed clinging on to his arms wasn't really a big turn-on for him. What was a turn-on for him was the bright ginger just across the dorms.
There he sat, his hair slick with all sorts of unknown food crumbs and disgusting liquids and juices, laugh just a bit too loud against the blinding dollar-store lights and trashy music, the kind of music Coach Ukai would play during practice in hopes it would hype everyone up. His eyes shone the colour of morning sunlight spilling through a warm honey bottle. He radiated golden summertime energy, all that sappy shit.
What was different in this party, was that Yachi and some other girls thought it would be funny to dress him up in drag.
Real fucking funny to tug at his heart strings like this.
They clipped up some of his overgrown hair in the back, with hello kitty clips and hair ties they found on the floor, very unsanitary, but the alcohol in everyone's systems made it a bit too difficult to give a single shit. He looked just like a girl. Maybe in other words, a male version of Natsu? The mascara perfectly emphasised his already long lashes, brown strands framing his wide eyes in a way that shouldn't be allowed to have this much effect on Tobio.
"How do I look?" Shoyo asked the raven haired teasingly, despite how the smaller boy presented himself, it was almost like he did this on purpose, as if he knew about Tobio's problem.
No, Tobio had known the boy long enough, to know that even if you whip out a megaphone and yell in clear, Japanese:
I THINK I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU NO HOMO
He wouldn't get it, Tobio finds himself chuckling not caring that he was right there, and was waiting for a reply, the taller too lost in his own thoughts to really care.
Was he joking?
Was this stupidly adorable bastard doing this on purpose?
Did he know how Tobio felt and refused to acknowledge it?
"You look pretty."
"What did you say?"
You look pretty.
"I said you looked shitty, dumbass, not only stupid, short, and ugly, you're deaf too now."
Nice save idiot.
It's been exactly two hours, 12 minutes, and 21 seconds ever since his last interaction with Shoyo. He's very ready to leave this place and go cry in his room like always does. The only things that stops him is when the source of all his problems, himself, the token of his thoughts, clings onto him, still with those stupid hair clips in his hair.
"Bakayama, you look even uglier than normal, you know that?"
"I love you."
"Love you too dummy."
A wretched sob claws it's way out of Tobio's throat before he can stop it, he can feel the breath's bleeding claw marks ache.
Shoyo always does this when he's drunk, but he's never said that to him before. Those three words.
He can feel its violent scratch splashing blood against the already soaked walls. He can feel a flower blooming into his throat, stopping him from letting out any of the coherent thoughts in his head.
Shoyo kisses him on his tip toes. The action pushes a sharp spear through Tobio's heart, leaving behind a clear, gaping hole that sucked in and out greedily for more, for another taste almost as if his heart had a soul on its own which is gasping and begging for the chance to take, and take without the fear of consequences. To breathe in the air that the smaller lets into his mouth. Tobio should pull away, should push him off and say this is gross and wrong and disgusting and just the fact that he's drunk makes this so much worse. He finally listens to the logical side of his brain, (which has been in overdrive since this night starter) pushing the shorter boy off of him, he would almost look sinister if it weren't for the devastating softness in his eyes.
"Will you kiss me when we're both sober?" His request with a hint of question for hesitation leaves behind a firm grimace on his face. The words left his mouth like a filthy spit, slick and meant to disgust all those he's stood by in church. He feels a staggering needle pierce its way through his heart, slowly and agonisingly, each inch to a word.
You've wanted this.
"No, I wouldn't."
"Then close your eyes." He says blankly. Too blankly for how much Tobio knows he wants this.
"Okay." Shoyo complies, it's sickening how eager and small his voice sounds.
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Shoyo's voice fills the cramped supply closet.
I don't wanna look at your face this time. Not after you said that.
"Please, tell me you don't want this." "Tell me this is weird." "Push me away."
"I want this more than anything."
Each thrust is a question Tobio himself will never answer. "Why do you only love me when you're under the influence?" "Why are you still here after I practically confessed my love to you every day?" Why do I always give in no matter how much I try to stop?"
And the last question, is from Shoyo.
Why can't you love me like this all the time?