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Jeongguk was only a baby when the rumours of this new drug had started. He remembers his mother telling a seven year old him to stay away from empty alleys and to make his way home without any detours from the park in fear of the unknown substance. She had stressed not to follow older kids home or to talk to anyone he didn’t know. No one really understood what the drug did, except that it was dangerous.
He remembers the day the drug was featured on national television, how labs had tested and tested and found positive effects of the drug. After that, the drug had become official, a medical cure for amnesia and other things, and overnight the drug wasn’t in the same classification as Molly anymore. It had been renowned. But caution was held either way. Jeongguk remembers reading about it in his high school text book, the benefiting factors as well as the heavily stressed consequences.
Two decades later, the drug is legal - Vividaline they named it - accessible to almost anyone, but way too overpriced for majority of the public. What they sell in the pharmacy is the tested stuff, the cleanest and purest and most safe to use. But most people get their stuff off the streets - the dirtier, not clinically tested stuff that leads more often than not to weird outcomes and blackouts. It’s quite sad actually, how consequences areally rather faced than avoided completely because money.
Jeongguk sits in his Psychology class reading the previous day’s homework during their moment of free time. They’re focusing on memory and coincidentally, on Vividaline. Without having read the text book, Jeongguk knows a lot about the drug already, how it messes with your adrenalin levels and other hormones and sets them alight, pumping them in high speeds to replicate the emotional state of flashbulb memories. It’s to make you remember a particular event for the rest of your life. Down to the very last detail.
Jeongguk can understand why it’s so sought after.
His text book goes on and on about the chemical side of it all, about the tightened senses caused by hormone overload, about the dosages that are considered lethal. 5ml is okay but as soon as you hit 7, the average person is fucked. Even after that it really depends on your body size, blood type and fit mess level.
Even after the professor has dismissed the class, Jeongguk’s mind is still stuck on the thought of Vividaline. A fleeting thought keeps his mind pondering and he wonders to himslef how it would feel, to be one hundred percent aware for that moment for the reSt of your life. Scary, but intriguing.
It isn’t until about a week later he brings the thought up to another person, out of slump, just because, really.
“Have you ever considered doing V?” he tries to say casually, keeping his nose buried in his psych book. He's lying on his stomach on Jimin's bed, perched up with a pillow under his chest and his back has been on the verge of cramping for the past thirty minutes, making his mind wander. Jeongguk feels how Jimin’s eyes bore into his side from across the room as the older looks up.
“Jesus, is my boyfriend really talking about doing V? What has the world come to?” Jimin says dramatically, and Jeongguk hears the heavy drop of his text book hitting the ground. He looks up at the older boy, pursing his lips into a small frown.
“I’m being serious."
Jimin simply sighs lightheartedly, bending down to pick up his fallen text book. He sets it down on his desk before making his way over to Jeongguk, plopping his body next to his with a bounce on the bed. “Why are you talking about doing drugs? I thought you were the ‘goodie two shoes’,” Jimin teases, perching his head up on an arm to look at Jeongguk, who huffs a breath.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with that,” he argues back, pushing his glasses higher up on his nose. He pretends to go back to his book to avoid the scrutinising look on Jimin’s face.
“Then why?”
“I just wanna know what it’s like,” and it’s not completely untrue. “Have you ever done V?” Jeongguk asks quickly.
Jimin rolls onto his back, folding his arms neatly over his chest. He looks beautiful like that, Jeongguk thinks to himself, with his dark brown hair fanned over his forehead in that cute, messy way, and his white t-shirt rumpled enough to show a sliver of skin above the hem of his underwear. He looks beautiful with the way his nose curves into the endearing rounded tip, the way his lips are plump and coloured from his raspberry protein shake from earlier, the way his eyelashes create a fine shadow over his cheeks. Jeongguk can feel his heart slowing down, beating harsher against his ribcage. It’s moments like these that makes him want to take Vividaline, to remember all of the details.
“Yeah,” Jimin finally says, and Jeongguk has to backtrack his thoughts to remember what they were talking about.
“When?” He’s not shocked oddly enough, because Jimin is mysterious, has always been, with a past that’s full of embarrassing and impressive drunken mishaps and midnight rendezvous with his party friends.
“Last year. During this party.”
“What was it like?” Jeongguk abandons his psych book, scooting closer to Jimin’s frame to listen intently. The older boy has a subtle smile on his lips, the beautiful one Jeongguk only ever gets to see when they’re alone. Suddenly, their voices are soft and whispering in the dead of the night, upcoming exams and school temporarily forgotten as just the two of them fill the space of Jimin’s dorm room. Jeongguk likes these moments, where it feels like only the two of them exist.
“Freaky. I don’t think you should mix V with alcohol and weed,” Jimin chuckles. The sound pulls at Jeongguk’s heartstrings.
“Do you remember everything?”
“Up until it wore off.” Jimin turns to his side again, facing Jeongguk. His eyes are tired, a slight bit red from all the constant studying, but they’re beautiful nonetheless, effortlessly so. “It was like being superhuman, everything moving slower and faster at the same time. I remember every last detail down to the rate of my heartbeat. It rang in my ears and my tongue burned so bad from all the tequila. I remember almost hooking up with a bunch of people, only to realise at the last minute that you existed.”
“We weren’t even together last year,” Jeongguk points out, but the smile on his lips remains constant.
“No, but we were talking and I liked you a lot.”
Jeongguk’s smile widens enough to show his teeth, and Jimin reciprocates it. The older boy leans in for a short kiss, affectionate and happy even when their teeth clang together. It makes Jeongguk laugh loudly.
“I wanna do V with you,” Jeongguk finally says, their breaths mingling together. Jimin looks a little taken aback, almost shocked even, at the request, but a spark ignites within his eyes, something Jeongguk has never seen before.
It’s right after Jeongguk’s last exam that Jimin drags him over to the clinic. Jeongguk’s confused and a little uncertain over the whole thing until he begins understanding why he’s here, and it makes him blush at the thought. During the whole examination, Jeongguk’s shivering and anxious as the nurse checks his vitals, drawing blood and all that jazz. It’s all very weird, thinking how Jimin, who knows all too many people selling on the streets, is standing next to him in a sanitised clinic, getting a check up and prescription for the right dosage.
That warm feeling Jeongguk has gotten to know all too well lingers in his chest throughout the whole afternoon, even as he watches Jimin stuff his face ungracefully with a greasy burger.
“Do you wanna take it now?” Jimin asks when they get back to his dorm room, pulling off his jacket. He helps Jeongguk take his off as well, hanging them both up neatly. Jeongguk shrugs as his answer. “What do you wanna do? It’s kinda pointless to waste it on playing video games or staring at my wall,” Jimin jokes.
Jeongguk doesn’t answer, not verbally, but instead takes a confident stride towards the older boy to cup his face and kiss him softly. It’s slow, the way their lips move languidly together, and Jeongguk thinks the way their mouths fit so perfectly is thrilling.
When Jimin opens his mouth to let Jeongguk in, his hands come up to rest on Jeongguk’s shoulders. Their tongues find each other, dancing in a game of give and take, and Jeongguk feels how his skin is burning under his clothes.
“I want to give myself to you,” he whispers against Jimin’s lips when they pull apart to breathe, and the older looks more shocked than he had when Jeongguk first proposed taking V together. Jeongguk himself is thrumming with nervousness, but when Jimin finally nods his head and licks his lips with the same anxiousness, Jeongguk knows he’s made the right decision. He trusts Jimin, more than anything.
Jimin leads him to the bed, settling him down as he goes to get the little plastic bag from the clinic. Jeongguk’s mesmerised by the way Jimin’s fingers are so sure of what their doing, like he’s prepped needles more than a few times in his life. He probably has, but that doesn’t faze Jeongguk the slightest. If anything, it makes him more confident to be doing this.
Jimin ties a rubber band around Jeongguk’s arm, flicking the veins carefully to not hurt him. Jimin looks up at Jeongguk silently, holding the syringe with practiced care. “You’re not regretting this yet, are you?” he tries to joke but neither of them laugh. Jeongguk realises then that Jimin is equally nervous. His eyes quiver the slightest bit, a dulled uncertainty behind the usual confidence. Jeongguk gulps before he finds his voice.
“I trust you,” he says, and a light flickers in Jimin’s eyes, a look of hopeful fondness, and a small smile forms on his plumps lips.
It doesn’t hurt, Jeongguk notes, when Jimin breaks his skin, but it does burn a little when the clear liquid enters his system. Jimin doesn’t cover the wound with a bandaid, but rather uses his tongue to stop the drops of blood. Jeongguk’s skin is scorching where Jimin’s tongue lathers it, and he knows it’s to rile him up when Jimin looks up at him right before he drags a long strip up his arm.
Jimin injects Vividaline into himself quickly after that, setting aside the cotton bolls and syringes on his desk. It’s after that when Jeongguk can feel it start. A cold fire crawls all over him as his heart pumps V through his arteries and into every cell of his body. He thinks he can feel the drug coursing through his system, touching parts of him he didn’t know existed. Like a rushed wave against his chest, Jeongguk feels it in his soul - pumping, belting, breathing.
Jeongguk’s heartbeat quickens at the rush, pounding in his ears like the strong base of an R&B song. He slowly feels cold and then hot all over, every hair strand on his body standing up at the weird feeling. His eyes widen when his body numbs all over only to heighten in its senses a moment later. Suddenly, Jeongguk can feel everything.
“Woah,” he exclaims, leaning back against the headboard to blink at everything in the room. It doesn’t feel scary like he’d thought, nor does he feel all that much different. He’s just suddenly so aware of things.
“I know.” Jimin’s comes closer and climbs onto the bed, crawling towards Jeongguk. He can hear how his heart speeds up at the sight of the older boy, how laboured his breathing becomes at the thought of what happens next.
Without him knowing it, Jeongguk finds himself asking, “You have condoms and lube, right?” to which Jimin nods slowly. Or quickly. Jeongguk’s not entirely sure if time is speeding up or slowing down.
Jimin reaches to take out the packages from his nightstand, setting them on the bed next to Jeongguk. “Do you want to bottom or should I?” he asks, and Jeongguk’s breath hitches because this is actually happening.
“It doesn’t matter,” he replies, and it’s almost like he isn’t the one saying it. He can hear the jittery edge in his own voice, the anticipation building within him. Jimin simply nods, breathing out a small ‘okay’ that sounds infinitely innocent and sexy and the same time.
The older boy comes to straddle him, setting a toned thigh on either side of Jeongguk, and Jeongguk feels the warmth radiating from the other through his clothes. It’s almost overwhelming with the look in Jimin’s eyes meeting his own. His hands hover in the air, unsure of where to place them, but thankfully Jimin understands this is Jeongguk’s first time, and grabs them to place them on his hips.
“It’s okay to touch,” the older says, and for a second Jeongguk wonders why he’s whispering, but it’s adding to the fragile ambience, the slow tension building between them. Jeongguk gulps, clenching his hands around strong hips to test out the feeling. Jimin smiles encouragingly, hooking his thumbs in the hem of Jeongguk’s t-shirt and pulling it up over his head.
Jeongguk finds himself exhaling loudly.
Jimin does the same to his own shirt, blessing Jeongguk with the sight of a toned body, smooth and hard all the same under Jeongguk’s tentative touches. He’s looks absolutely ethereal like this, Jeongguk thinks as his chest tightens unbearably.
“You’re beautiful,” slips past Jeongguk’s lips, and Jimin’s head tips back as he laughs beautifully.
“You’re gonna regret saying cheesy shit like that when you remember this,” Jimin says, dragging his hands up Jeongguk’s chest, up his neck to tangle into his hair.
“It’s true though,” he replies, leaning in to kiss along the older’s neck.
Jimin smells like smoke and his cologne, a tangy mix Jeongguk has grown to love more that anything. It smells like comfort on the edge of a clip, the remnants of a rushing danger that has always been associated with Jimin. As he sucks blooming bruises along the tanned skin, licking them in aftercare, Jeongguk thinks about every moment he’s found himself buried in the crook of the older’s neck, breathing in the scent of home, of love, of adrenalin, and he’s reminded for the second time that day how much he loves this man.
A pretty gasp escapes Jimin’s lips when Jeongguk reaches the spot right behind his ear and it echoes in Jeongguk’s ears along with his harshly beating heart. It’s like music in his ears, a symphony so rare it’s hard to not love. Jeongguk wants to whisper in Jimin’s ears praises to last a lifetime, but he’s too much of a coward to worship Jimin the way he should. Maybe one day he can confess his inner thoughts, tell Jimin there’s no one as beautiful as him on the face of the earth. One day.
“I don’t understand how you’re so good with your mouth,” Jimin whispers brokenly in between gasps. He pulls at Jeongguk’s hair, relishing in the way Jeongguk’s teeth graze upon sensitive skin.
Jeongguk leaves a trail of saliva when he kisses across Jimin’s Adam’s apple over to the other side, humming in approval of Jimin’s harsh breathing. The older seems impatient, pulling Jeongguk by his hair off his neck to pull him into a deep kiss. Jimin kisses like he’s hungry, hungry for more than just a physical comfort, and Jeongguk let’s the older take the lead, leaning back as Jimin rolls his hips against his. They both moan into each other’s mouths, lewd and breathy.
Desperation fills their every move, and Jeongguk kneads his fingers into the flesh of Jimin’s ass, eliciting a loud moan from the man above him.
Somehow, Jimin’s pulled Jeongguk’s pants off, leaving him in nothing but his underwear to watch as Jimin teases out of his own pants. Jeongguk can’t help focus on the way his flush ass escapes the jeans, plump and beautiful from Jimin’s endless workout regime. Swallowing hard, he grabs tightly onto the sheets under him.
“Six months is a long time,” Jimin whispers into the room, breathy and sensual. Jeongguk’s breath hitches as the deep tone.
“Yeah,” he exhales. “So is twenty one years.”
Jimin laughs, tipping his head back like he always does, and it eases some of the nervous tension in Jeongguk’s body. He feels how his muscles contract in anticipation.
“Just sit back and watch, okay?”
Jeongguk only nods and then Jimin is crawling back to him, slipping out of his boxers. Jimin’s cock is flushed red and pretty, curved up against his stomach in a way that makes Jeongguk’s own cock twitch. A small hand comes to tug at the cock, pumping it fully erect and suddenly Jeongguk doesn’t remember how to breath. The sounds coming from Jimin’s lips are sinful, painfully beautiful to Jeongguk’s ears. Jeongguk feels how his whole body is flushed red.
Then, Jimin reaches over to grab the lube and coats his fingers. He adjusts himself on top of Jeongguk, spreading his legs wide before he slips the first finger in without hesitation.
“Put your hands here,” Jimin says, tapping his hips, and Jeongguk follows his lead like the lost puppy he is. He finds himself mesmerised by the way Jimin’s fingers slip so easily in and out of his hole, mesmerised by the beauty of his contorted face, the sheer look of pleasure on it. Jeongguk takes in the furrow between the older’s brows, the parted lips eliciting small moans as he stretches himself, and the flushed cheeks that look so pretty on Jimin. Jeongguk breathes in deeply, pushing down the urge to tell the older all his secrets, because right now Jimin is bearing himself to Jeongguk, trusting him in a way not many people have, and that’s a little bit overwhelming.
Jimin’s grinding down on three fingers as Jeongguk massages Jimin’s hips, breathing a little more laboured. “Okay,” he finally says, slipping his fingers out and wiping them on the sheets beside Jeongguk.
“Okay,” Jeongguk repeats, swallowing hard because it’s about to happen. He’s no longer going to be a virgin. He’s losing his virginity to his boyfriend. He’s losing his virginity to Jimin.
“You sure?” Jimin says as he scoots forward, planting his hands on Jeongguk’s shoulders. Jeongguk can’t find his voice all of a sudden with the way Jimin is looking at him and simply nods.
Fingers hook onto the hem of Jeongguk’s underwear, and he tries his best not to feel embarrassed at how exposed he is. He diminishes the urge to cover himself up because Jimin is looking at him with blown out eyes, tongue coming out to lick his lips. It takes Jeongguk’s mind off over the fact that Jimin is sliding the garment off his legs, discarding them somewhere behind him with an impressive fling.
Jimin scoots even closer to Jeongguk, until they’re almost flush against each other and Jeongguk can feel the older’s cock pressed up against his abdomen. The look of concentration on Jimin’s face is endearing, detailed with the beginning beads of sweat.
Jeongguk’s heart stops when tentative fingers wrap around him, giving his member one, two, three pumps. Jeongguk groans through gritted teeth, letting his head fall onto Jimin’s shoulder. He wraps his arms around Jimin’s torso, and the older stops for a moment to let him catch his breath. He has a hard time believing this is actually happening.
“Hey,” the older says, and a finger tips Jeongguk’s head up to look at him. There’s a comfort in Jimin’s eyes, reassurance that everything is okay, that it’ll feel good.
“I don’t wanna come too fast,” Jeongguk admits, and Jimin laughs wholeheartedly.
“Then we’ll go for a second round.” Jimin kisses him sweetly, and before he knows it, an unbelievable warmth engulfs his cock inch by inch. Jeongguk gasps into Jimin’s mouth at the same time as the older drags out a satisfied moan. Tongues meet languidly as Jimin settles on Jeongguk’s cock, slowly letting himself adjust to the size, and Jeongguk tries to remind himself to breathe through it all.
“You okay?” Jeongguk finds himself asking, hands rubbing up and down Jimin’s back comfortingly.
“Yeah,” is his reply, breathy and pitched, and fuck if that isn’t beautiful.
When Jimin starts moving, grinding down as Jeongguk’s cock disappears and reappears, Jeongguk breathes harshly into the crook of the older’s neck, trying to calm himself from coming too fast. He wants this to last, to be memorable, so he tries to not think too much about the way Jimin’s muscles contract around him, how Jimin is spilling endless praises of how big he is and how good he feels into Jeongguk’s ears, how Jimin’s fingers create indents into his skin from holding on as he fucks himself down onto Jeongguk’s cock.
Jimin feels amazing, is amazing, in every way and in every sense, and Jeongguk’s chest almost hurts from the overflowing amount of emotion filling him. Jeongguk hiccups a breath at a particular roll of Jimin’s hips.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Jeongguk exclaims, the familiar beginnings of heat rising in his gut. Jimin slows down, coming to a stop to look at him with a confused face. Jeongguk lifts his head up from the crook of Jimin’s neck, breathing harshly as his chest feels like it might explode.
He pulls Jimin off of him and sets him down onto the bed next to him.
“What are you doing?” Jimin asks, but then his confused face changes into an understanding one when Jeongguk settles himself in between his legs, lining himself up with Jimin’s puckering hole.
“I was about to come,” Jeongguk admits as he pushes the head past Jimin’s rim. As he slowly pushes all the way in, he settles his arms either side of Jimin face to get a proper look at him. Jimin’s mouth opens in a silent moan at the new angle, wrapping his legs around Jeongguk’s waist.
“Yeah, this is good,” Jimin moans at Jeongguk’s slow thrusts. He drags his fingers down Jeongguk’s back, a painful and pleasurable feeling that makes Jeongguk groan loudly. He tries his best to change up his angles and thrusts, but it’s hard to keep a proper pace when Jimin tangles his fingers in his hair and pulls, hard.
“You feel so good,” Jeongguk has to admit, watching Jimin’s every expression. In return, Jimin clenches around him forcefully, and Jeongguk chokes on nothing. It has the older smiling widely before the expression changes into that of euphoria. His back arches off the bed, and the grip on Jeongguk’s hair tightens as he gasps loudly.
“Right there,” he says, and Jeongguk finally understands. He repeats the action, snapping his hips upwards and Jimin moans louder that before. “Oh, God, right there,” Jimin exclaims, clinging onto Jeongguk.
Jeongguk speeds up, hitting that particular spot as often as he can, and the pleasured furrow on Jimin’s face is all he ever wants in life. Screw university. Screw exam results. Screw everything else, because Jimin’s face right now - eyes shut tightly, mouth hanging open in silent screams - is all Jeongguk needs in his life. Jeongguk’s heart hammers quickly in his chest, begging to be let out, to soar high above onto Cloud 9.
Once again, the familiar heat coils in his stomach, and his grunts are becoming louder, his thrusts a little bit more forceful, a little less graceful. Jimin seems to understand he’s close and wraps a hand around his own cock, rubbing across the slit in circular motions. The older becomes louder as well, the pitch in his voice higher with every thrust, and Jeongguk holds his own orgasm until Jimin can come.
“Fuck, Jeongguk,” is the only warning Jeongguk gets, hot and breathy, whispered into his ear, before Jimin is coming in hot spurts of white across their chests. His free hand pulls on Jeongguk’s hair, pulling his head back to lock eyes and fuck, he’s coming too. He fucks Jimin through his orgasm, the spasms of the muscles around him milking him of all he’s worth, and fuck if that isn’t the best orgasm he’s ever had.
Jimin’s fingers are still clutching tightly to the hair at the nape of his neck when Jeongguk slows down to a stop, almost painful, but the haggard breathing and the tightly shut eyes makes the pain okay, because the pleasure of seeing Jimin thoroughly fucked is worth everything on this earth.
“I love you.”
The words take Jeongguk by surprise, because they don’t come from his own lips. The world stands still. There is nothing but the two of them in his head space, and all the planets are aligned. The extra adrenalin in his body pumps his heart into max rate, his chest almost exploding, or imploding, it doesn’t really matter.
“You don’t understand how long I’ve waited to say that,” Jeongguk whispers before he kisses Jimin with everything he has. “I love you so much."
And Jeongguk is so incredibly thankful he’s going to remember this moment for the rest of his life.