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Philip hated everything, he hated the 30 hour shifts, he hated Ratchet and that stupid ditzy ‘aura vibes’ husband. In true Philip fashion, he didn’t truly hate these things -he did hate the shifts- but when he got tired, it was easier to believe did. Drift was a sweet man and Ratchet was the only one in this hell hole that understood the insanity.
He just wanted to go home and drink a nice glass of wine while reading a book or watching a show. Instead, he was called to the administrator’s office for some meeting or other. Philip didn’t think he was in trouble, he hadn’t done anything to warrant such a meeting. He was snippy with the staff and not very well liked, but most staff were like that. When you run on four hours of sleep, a red bull, a two day old sandwich, and two black coffees, things get weird sometimes and you need allies. Those nurses were enough.
So, here Philip sat across from the administrator. The doctor was slumped into the chair in his smelly scrubs, head resting on his hand. If he finds out that this could’ve been an email, he’s going to be pissed…he’s probably going to be pissed no matter what happens.
“Dr. Brighton, I know you have been quite busy and in need of a break. So-”
“If this was to tell me my leave time was approved, I'm going to walk out.”
“So, there is an opportunity. A university is in need of research staff. Hospitals in the area, including this one, are being asked to lend a hand, or rather a doctor.”
“You signed me up for research?!”
The administrator breathed, like preparing for something.
“...In a way. Let me finish speaking before you talk. The research is at the major university, it has quite a lot going on. It has a full chemistry and physics department, medical school, art conservation program, I could go on. The research you do would be credited to you. However, they are in need of a professor for a or two semester.”
“No!”
“Now Philip, this is a prime opportunity! You’ve been saying you want something new, this is that!”
Philip scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“I meant that I wanted new systems and people. Our machines are as old as me and our system is older. This is not what I meant and you know it. Don’t play dumb, you did something. What was it?”
The administrator sighed and sat back in his seat. He rubbed a hand down his face.
“I already said yes, you’re going. End of story.”
Philip snarled, face contorted into anger. This was outrageous! Philip was the best there was and he was going to teach some general education course for nobodies! They wouldn’t even continue for the degree!
There had to be a silver lining! Maybe it was a fun course? Something easy and broad so he could teach everyone, maybe specific enough that he can get to meet the new interns.
“What course have you forced me to teach?” Philip gritted out through clenched teeth.
“Sexual Anatomy.”
Philip lurched out of his chair.
“That’s not even a real course! You just made that up!”
“It is a real course. Apparently the campus has been having problems with STIs and wants someone to educate the students. It was that or animal anatomy. This way you get to use your knowledge from the ER to help you teach.”
Philip clasped his hands together then pressed them over his nose and mouth. He breathed harshly into his palms, it was a weak attempt to calm himself from the fit he was about to throw.
“Philip, it’s only two semesters. The course layout is provided, all you have to do is teach the material.”
Philip screamed into his hands. The injustice! Here he was, working his ass off to save and heal others. Philip worked day and night, in an endless and sleepless cycle consisting of tylenol, black coffee, Red Bull, and two 5 hour energy bottles. All of this yet he is given no respect.
Philip shot up from his chair. Then glared like if he thought hard enough he could light the administrator on fire.
Philip said nothing as he left, nothing as he clocked out, changed, drove home, showered, and went to bed. He was stewing over the conversation.
As he laid down in bed, Philip decided he was not going to take this lying down. He would make everyone regret sending him away, making a fool of him. Philip was no fool, he was educated in medicine, art, and wine. His hobbies allowed him to be a well rounded, “high society” gentleman. Though his brutal honesty and favor towards scathing comments and sarcasm detracted from his supposed social standing. Despite what many would think, Philip was raised the same as everyone his age. He went to school, played violin in the school band, read books, watched movies on the weekend with friends, and got good grades in all levels of schooling. In college, he survived on ramen noodles and caffeine, he had paid off his debt, and drank alcohol besides wine on occasion. Philip was no alien, no monster from the deep, no unfeeling creature that felt no pity for the interns. Philip was a human, an insecure human at times, but a human nonetheless.
When he woke up the next morning, Philip had forgotten of his plight. That was, until he opened his email. In his inbox sat an email from the Idea and Design Works University Biology Department.
Inside, the material he had to teach was listed. Along with test formats, how many exams were required, school policies, and much more. They had essentially just handed him a course, a script, and a jester hat then said ‘dance monkey!’
Philip scoffed and closed the computer. He wasn’t going to take this lying down, not at all! Philip decided to distract himself with a glass of wine and watch a refreshing show of stupid people, most times, getting their deserved punishment. This was usually not in form of payment but also getting yelled yet by an eighty year old judge was just as satisfying.
It was at the end of an episode when an idea formed in Philip’s mind, one that made a mischievous smile grace his features.
According to the email, he just had to teach some required materials, a minimum list of what must be taught provided, and have the exams on certain dates. He could use this, he was going to teach this course and everyone is going to hate it as much as he does.
———
“Welcome to sexual anatomy. While most of you are used to sitting and asking questions. I implore you to never do that during lecture, I will laugh at you if your question is stupid. I highly recommend reading the book because I will not be re-explaining anything in the lecture that the book covers unless it is complex and absolutely needed. If you have one of those proctor room things, book it now. The exam dates won’t change just the content. If you feel the need to cry, do so in the back of the room. I am required to be present for office hours so I will be there. Come with questions ready or I will make it your problem.”
Philip looked out at the sea of about one hundred faces. Why so many people registered for this course is beyond him but it was not his problem they chose this hell.
“Normally, the lecture would start next session, but we have too much to cover so we are starting now. The attendance grade will be an extra credit assignment, the participation grade is based on non-participation and how much you don’t piss me off. If you have complaints, I don’t care. Same goes with positive feedback, talking about your personal life without me asking, and your hopes and dreams. Are we clear? You can verbally answer.”
There were some nervous confirmations as Philip scanned the room.
“My name is Dr. Philip Brighton. I am a surgeon and doing research here because the school asked. If you want to talk to me about going into the field, visit my office. Now, let’s begin…”
The moment the two hour lecture ended, everyone was rushing out of the room. Philip gathered his things and made his way out of the lecture hall. He had time before he had to teach again and wanted to explore. He had seen some food trucks that smelled delicious.
It wasn’t hard to find his way to the greasy deliciousness, the line to get it annoyed him but he was patient when it came to good food. Once he ordered, paid, and received his meal, he found a table outside to enjoy his peace and quiet.
Many would say it was too cold to sit outside, the already chilly fall was made into a biting freeze as the wind whipped through the trees and people’s coats. Philip not only liked the cold, he welcomed it. It meant that he would be left to his own devices and his meal without completely unnecessary chatter.
At least, Philip thought.
There was a soft knocking on the metal table that had Philip glaring at whoever decided to interrupt his peace. It was a group of three men, each holding their own meal and bags.
“Can I help you?”
Philip barely restrained himself, he was mean but he didn’t want that to just be attributed to being hungry. He was a bitch on his own, thank you very much.
“May we join you?”
The man in the middle seemed respectable enough so Philip, in an unusual turn of events, allowed it. The three quickly sat, with the leading man taking a seat next to Philip. The man who sat across from Philip held out a hand which Philip shook.
“The name’s Walt Telos, but my friends call me Warp. I heard you’re the new temporary professor for that awful course no one wanted to teach.”
Philip sneered, that seemed to be enough of an answer as Warp laughed.
“Yeah, I figured. The frowny man next to you is Dr. Sebastian Vos, call him Star, it's hilarious. This,” Warp nudged the man next to him, “is Dr. Theodore Christian, nicknamed TC.”
Philip swallowed his bite before speaking, “Does everyone have a nickname?”
Warp nodded enthusiastically, “Yup! Which means I gotta think of one for you.”
Warp leaned forward and rubbed his chin as though deep in thought. He made a few ‘thinking intensely’ noises such as humming and squinted as he examined Philip.
“Philip Brighton right?”
Philip nodded dumbly, entirely confused.
“Came from a big hospital and works in pharmaceuticals so…Pharma!”
Philip nearly choked on his food, reaching for his water to get it down. He coughed a few times before he was able to speak.
“I am a surgeon, I do not work in pharmaceuticals. Even more concerning, how do you know my name?”
Warp seemed eager to answer but TC took over, putting a hand over Warp’s mouth, “The science department got an email about you teaching the course and how they were supposed to treat you nicely. Star, who does everything science, told us about it.”
Warp shoved TC away with a pout, “Anyway, that doesn’t matter Pharma. So, how was your first class?”
Pharma really wanted to curse Warp out, “It was fine.”
“Warp, let up, not everyone is as happy to teach bullshit courses as you are. Don’t worry about the morons liking you, you’ll probably never see them again.”
Pharma looked at Star, who was looking at him as though he understood Pharma’s exhaustion.
“Honestly, I’m surprised the course has so many students. The session was almost full.” Pharma commented, hoping to start some sort of conversation.
The three looked at him, then each other, then back at him. The look concerned Pharma, it was one of those looks that told him he was missing a large piece of information, crucial information.
“Well, that’s because it’s required.” TC said hesitantly.
“For what major? A degree in sex work?” Pharma sniped.
This was making him mad, first to get a dumb course, then find out its required for a major without telling him? Fucking ridiculous.
“Ah no, it’s uh…how to say this nicely…”
Star decided to put him out of his misery, “Some of the students who had the most reported cases of STIs on campus, mostly from giving it to others, were required to take it by the University “in the interest of public safety”. Though, some were court ordered since people wanted to sue for damages. How that even works, don’t ask me, but there you have it.”
If Pharma was already angry, he was enraged now. He stood up and gathered his food, having lost his previous appetite.
“Thank you for this wonderful meal. I’m sure we’ll see each other again. If you’ll excuse me, I have some calls to make.”
Pharma left, throwing out the remnants of his meal.
“If you ever wanna bitch to someone, my office is open.” Star said as Pharma left.
Pharma merely raised a hand in acknowledgement as he called his administrator. The call didn’t help much, apparently they weren’t told that little tidbit of information either. That didn’t change the fact that he was stuck for two semesters, it just meant that his students definitely hated this as much as he did.
It was that small realization that brought a smile to Pharma’s face.
—-----
It was the next day of lecture that Pharma decided to become a bit more…personal with his students.
“Raise your hand if you were told to be here by some form of authority and failure to appear would have consequences.”
Almost half of the room raised their hand causing Pharma to sigh.
“Well then, I suggest those that raised their hand form study groups. You don’t want to fail.”
—----
“This marks the end of the first week of our sessions together. All the slides for the semester are up, I highly recommend you all catch up since most started behind. That’s all.”
Pharma sat in his temporary office, putting his feet up on the table and eyes closed, perfectly relaxed. It was technically office hours but no one showed, just as he expected and wanted.
“Dr. Brighton?”
Pharma kept his eyes closed, if he didn’t acknowledge them then he didn’t have to interact.
“Umm…sir? I did some reading ahead and had a question about how the severity and location of a rash correlate to the diagnosis and treatment…if that’s alright?”
That was… actually a good question. Okay, he’d entertain this one. Without changing positions, Pharma motioned for the kid to sit in the seat in front of his desk. Once the shuffling had stopped, Pharma turned his head to get a look at the kid, eyeing him up and down.
The student was average height, short, dark hair, and bright caramel colored eyes. The student seemed intelligent enough so Pharma dived into his explanation.
“Oh okay! I see, that makes sense.”
The student wrote something down on his ipad. Pharma sighed, a war going on inside himself debating whether to learn this kid’s name or not. If he’d shown up during the first week, he was likely to show up again.
“What’s your name?”
The kid looked up, shocked.
“I’m Alex Finn,” Alex stretched his hand out to Pharma for him to shake. Pharma was raised with manners, so he reached out and took it.
“Well, Alex, what is it that you plan on doing? Clearly you are interested in the medical field.”
Alex’s eyes lit up with joy, “I wanna be a coroner!”
Pharma choked, sitting himself up to look at this student. The enthusiasm did not match the career at all.
“Well that’s the end goal. I still have to go to medical school and do a whole bunch of internships. If I can't do that, I’d like to be a nurse. It was actually one of the reasons I came to talk with you today, I wanted to get your opinion on medical schools.”
Well this was not what Pharma was expecting but he was not mad at all. Alex had potential, intelligence wise. Whether he was tough enough to do was a whole different story.
Alex became a common sight in his office, showing up at least once a week. Pharma hated to say it but he was growing to like that one. Even worse was those three professors kept popping up and were, while annoying, wildly entertaining. Pharma liked Star the most, their sharp wit kept each other on their toes.
When Pharma got a knock on his door, he expected Alex. Instead it was a tall young man, black hair shaved close on the sides but longer on top, tan skin, and a crooked nose. Honestly, Alex was the only student who showed up ever so who the hell was this?
“Yes?”
The student walked in and set a package on his desk, “Aid told me to drop these off for ya.”
Pharma tentatively took the box, “Aid?”
“Alex.”
Well, this was just a delightful mono-syllable conversation. The mystery man wasn’t leaving so might as well try.
“Do I hear a southern accent?”
The student just grunted and rolled his eyes, “Texan.”
Pharma pursed his lips, “And you know Alex how?”
“I’m fucking him, like, romantically and shit.”
“Yes, because you scream romance.”
“Fuck you.”
“You couldn’t pay me enough.”
The student paused, the insult having gone over his head. Pharma took delight in seeing the moment the younger understood it and scowled.
“That’s not what I meant, ya old hag. Don’t see why Alex likes ya, you’re a fucking ass.”
“That is correct.”
The student finally began to make his way out of the office, “Alex won’t be in for class tomorrow, he’s sick.”
Pharma nodded and put the box of something in his bag, “that’s fine. Tell him thank you.”
The student left, flipping him off as he did so. Pharma had no idea what Alex saw in that one, but the sex must be really good.
—-----
Pharma had three exams and one accumulative final and none of them could be dropped. It was brutal for the amount of information but in all fairness, he gave a lot of homework and several quizzes to help keep up. It really wasn’t his fault when the grades were terrible! There were many in the A range but most fell into the low B and high C range.
He sighed as he looked out over the sea of faces, disappointment on his face.
“So, here we are at the end. You’ve got the final cumulative exam in front of you then you are free. I hope you all had as much of a time as I did during this semester.” Pharma ignored the sounds of sobbing from the back of the lecture hall. “I have no doubt I’ll have to curve this exam just like the rest but whatever. Now you may begin.”
The two hours couldn’t have gone by faster. Pharma enjoyed watching their faces contort with frustration and sadness. Pharma was cruel, yes, but it wasn’t entirely unfair. He did go over all the material present and gave warnings. As the time ran out, few had turned in their exams yet. Normally concerning, but to Pharma this was good. He didn’t design the exam to be finished in time and accounted for that in the grading curve.
When he called time, it was quiet as the exams were turned in. Each student glaring daggers at him as they passed. Ah well, not like he’d be seeing any of them soon. Last in line was Alex, smiling and bright as usual. He didn’t say anything as he turned in his exam but the look on his face said he was proud. Pharma smiled back, a small one lest he ruin his reputation.
“Should you need an internship somewhere, send an email my way. You got that?”
Alex lit up and nodded enthusiastically as he left the class room.
Pharma gathered up the exams and made his way back to his office to begin grading. It was some four hours later and a trip home that Pharma accepted that this would be his fate for the weekend. As long as he had a glass of wine and some stupid thing to listen to, he would survive this.
Time lost meaning during that weekend and when he woke up on monday bright and groggy as always, he was ready and out the door for the first class session of the…
Oh no, no no no no no! Pharma did not like this teaching! He didn’t like any of the professors or the students. He did not! He wouldn’t give into this nostalgia that had grown in, he refused!
He was halfway through convincing himself he hated everything when his phone buzzed with a text.
Star: I liked it more than i admit too
Star: see you back in a few years, but don’t rush it
Star: besides, you can always come back
Pharma glared at the phone, squeezing it tight. It was like Star was psychic! In a very creepy way! Pharma hated to admit it but he had a feeling this teaching stint wouldn’t be his last.
He couldn’t help but be a little happy about it