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“Huh? It’s you? Fuck do you want? …A ghost? Fuck that! Don’t bother me with this shit right now, Geek Boy! I told you I have a bootycall right now and it was just getting good! Interrupt me again and I’m blocking your number! –Now, where were we? Awhn…”
“I don’t care, Geek Boy! I’m NOT missing out on another limited-edition limited-time-only sweet, no matter what! I camped out in this line all night for this ultra-rare ultra-sweet ultra-adorable Rainbow Pegasus Daifuku, and I’m going to savor it to my heart’s content even if I have to kill someone for it! I’m not letting anything get in my way this time! Especially not some damn ghost!”
“Ohohoho! The human has come crawling to us demons for help, yet again! How pitifully droll, and drolly pitiful!”
“I couldn’t agree more, dearest sister, helpless, pathetic little creatures, are they not? Utterly powerless, worse off than angels in that regard!”
“Sadly for this weak little human, we are far too busy on this sisters-only trip! I would never sacrifice my quality time with you, dearest sister, not even for the sake of the entire world! Geek Boy’s timing and his luck are as pathetically pitiful as his strength—or shall I say his lack thereof?”
“Yes, dear sister, excellent point! He’ll just have to figure out how to manage without us—as if such a thing would ever be possible!”
“OHOHOHOHO!”
“Ghost-busting? Uh, omniscient or not, you know that’s really not my thing, Briefmeister. You know I’m more of a Terminator type o’ girl. Good luck with that though!! Hey, when you’re done with that, don’t forget the Geek Club meeting tonight, I’ll see you there, right?”
“Feels like it’s gotten pretty extra around here,” Polyester noted, to the background of crumbling buildings and pained shrieks.
Polyurethane shrugged nonchalantly. “Not our circus, not our monkeys, not our problem.”
“Ha! That part! –Anyway, Polyurethane, check this new song I heard!”
“Bro, this totally slaps! One thing I’ve gotta say about Earth, they’ve got some total bops down here!”
The hustle and bustle of Daten City was much livelier and louder than things were back in Heaven, especially the parts of Heaven where their father kept Polyester and Polyurethane corralled alone together whenever he hadn’t had any use for them. In the cacophony and chaos of the mortal plains, everything seemed to blend together into background noise. Even with all the human screams that often saturated those urban sounds. As the city that sat on the boundary line between Heaven and Earth, it was only natural that there’d be screams of terror let loose here every single day.
When Polyurethane and Polyester weren’t doing angel duty, the screams didn’t even faze or alert them. Whether the humans around them died or not, Polyester and Polyurethane weren’t on guiding-dead-souls duty right now either. Time off was time off.
There was a grumble from Polyester’s stomach, the first noise outside of the music they were listening to that actually caught the brothers’ attention.
“…I think I’m hungry again,” Polyester said, clearing his throat and hiding the slight flush on his face from embarrassment. He was still getting used to the sound of his own hunger pangs ringing out so vocally like that.
Polyurethane gave him a sympathetic smile and tugged his older brother into the nearest eatery by the wrist. “Let’s grab some grub, then!”
It was a quaint little coffee café. The wafting scent of baked goods and grilled meats and cheeses and brewing coffees and teas. Desserts and snacks were on display in a glass case. Beverages were listed on the wall.
Polyurethane plucked up a savory croissant sandwich from the display. Polyester ordered a pastry and a curious drink.
The mood of the café didn’t match the interior, what with the screaming patrons panicking and cowering from the chaos outside, but the trembling barista still took their order and hastily made the weird drink Polyester had picked off the menu options, more-or-less at random.
Just as Polyester was handed his drink, the giant limb of the rampaging ghost barreled through the building, and all the remaining employees fled for their lives.
Polyester frowned. “Ditching during their shifts. That’s, like, so unprofessional…”
“Score! That means it’s free!” Polyurethane collected their order, miraculously untouched by all that destruction, and the two went back to their music as they strolled out of the now-demolished building.
Polyurethane chewed pensively on his sandwich while he watched Polyester tentatively try that weird drink he’d ordered.
A vanilla milk tea with orange boba. The color was a peached, creamy white, and the dots inside were bright orange. Watery, cloudy tea with slimy, goopy balls inside. Polyurethane arched an eyebrow, dubious at yet another of humanity’s sweet concoctions.
Polyester was happy to take an adventurous sip, then proceeded to almost choke as the tapioca shot into his mouth. The eponymous boba pearls, apparently.
“Not you choking on a mouthful of balls. I thought you didn’t even have a gag reflex.” Polyurethane teased, patting his back as Polyester caught his breath, but his older brother just brightened and grinned, amused at the joke and thrilled at the sensation of the tea, especially as he had more time to chew it over.
He hummed in wide-eyed delight, as the flavor exploded in his mouth. The tea itself was rich and sweet in a refreshing way. There was a milky flavor to it of course, with a tangy burst of citrus mixed with that. The boba balls themselves were especially not at all what he expected them to be. Actually, Polyester had no idea what he had expected— but was it certainly not for a drink to be chewy. Earth food was… interesting. He giggled to himself.
“How’s that tea?”
Polyester smiled, speaking around a mouthful of half-chewed boba. “It’s sweet and bubbly! Kinda reminds me of our bestie.”
“Oh, bet? We should, like, link up with him later! Wonder if he’s free right now.”
“Here, you try, too!”
Polyester held out the large straw to Polyurethane, who made a face, but obligingly took a sip. He had faith in his brother, even for the strangest whims of his. “’Kay, but it better not be too sweet…”
He caught the offered straw on his lips and sucked.
Admittedly, he liked the flavor of base tea. The bitterness of the base made it so that the sweetness of the rest wasn’t so cloying, at least. It was well steeped along with the milk for a creamy, sweet flavor. Two of the pearls were sucked through the straw as well, catching him by surprise. Without thinking twice, he chewed on them to avoid choking– and the texture was surprisingly okay. He had pictured that it would feel more like a gummy bear, as he had no previous reference on what these pearls would be like. Instead, it was a softer, smoother texture. He could taste the brown sugar coating them. It was good. Fruity, tangy… The comparison hadn’t made sense to Polyurethane at first, but he could see where Polyester was coming from when he compared this vibe to their bestie’s vibe.
When he looked up, he saw Polyester looking at him almost in giddy anticipation. He was still smiling. “It’s bussin’, right?”
Polyurethane smiled as well. “I can see where you were coming from, no cap. If he was a drink, it’d be that. Sweet and, like, lowkey zesty.”
“Pfft—that part!”
Carefree in their free time together, in the bustling sounds of the city, and the rhythmic hum of the music, and the soft popping of the boba in their mouths, the brothers didn’t even hear the approaching footsteps coming right at them.
And they didn’t register the increasingly desperate cries of the increasingly loudening voice. “Hey! Move, move, move! Out of the way! Guys! Watch out! Look out! It’s dangerous! –Polyurethane and Polyester, MOVE!”
Polyester and Polyurethane weren’t sure what they should process first: the flagrant interruption with the name-drops or the probably-unnecessary warning aimed at Heaven’s best soldiers.
Before they could respond to either offense, someone tackled them both forward with all their weight, knocking them both off balance. The world slipped into slow motion as Polyurethane’s muscles tensed and Polyester’s breath rattled in, and everything seemed to shake when they hit the ground.
“—What the helly?!” Polyurethane growled out angrily through gritted teeth.
The remaining tea pooled to the ground, and the tapioca balls rolled away into the cracks of the sidewalk. Polyester pouted and groaned. “Hey! My drink!”
They hated being bothered during their precious free time. That was the only thought that broke through the haze in either of their minds at first. The rest of the world around them was slow to fill in around that.
Gradually, the context caught up to them, though.
The crackle of energy shot through the air like a thunderbolt in energy-beam form, loudly speeding past and giving off a loud enough rumble of searing enough residual heat to clear Polyurethane and Polyester’s mental fog away.
Polyester and Polyurethane were directly in the line of fire for that attack. They were so unbothered that they definitely wouldn’t have gotten out of the way if they hadn’t been tackled.
Their apparent savior lay on top of them, out of breath from the mad dash and leap he had done to get to them. They struggled to sit up, eyes landing on a familiar mop of curly orange hair and cream-colored, freckled skin.
“Polyester! Polyurethane!” Brief exclaimed, crashing the angels back to their senses. “A-are you guys okay?!”
The events belatedly became clearer to Polyurethane and Polyester. The cry had been from Brief, as he dashed to his besties’ sides and promptly shoved them both away from that attack.
“Duh. Of course we’re okay. Like, we’re angels.” Polyurethane sighed. He wasn’t necessarily in a fantastic mood about being shoved.
Polyester brightened. “Oh, it’s our bestie! We were just talking about you! Wanna chill?”
“Chill? I was— I mean I am sort of in the middle of something!” Brief said, trembling as he tried to push himself up to his hands and knees above the brothers. His hands were splayed out on their pecs, and each of his legs were in between the brothers’ thighs, and Brief seemed to turn red as he came to belatedly realize that himself. “G-Garter said…” Brief coughed out. “This ghost is built out of generations of hatred and spite, an amalgamation of—"
“Pause. Can we, like, skip past the long explanations? Didn’t ask, don’t care,” Polyester interrupted.
“Hard facts, we like, really don’t bother with the lore of evil spirits,” Polyurethane agreed. “We just shatter them to dust, we don’t ask about their day.”
“We slime them, secure the bag, and bounce. Like, who has time to hear their backstory? Way too much main character energy for some spirit that you’re just supposed to shatter into dust.”
“On god! Like, who even asked?!”
Polyurethane and Polyester broke into laughter together.
Brief cracked half a smile. The Poly brothers were the same as ever. Endearment and fondness drained the rush of adrenaline, and a wave of previously unnoticed pain made Brief shudder.
“H-he said it was dangerous enough that even angels might be in danger if they get caught in it. Even the healing factor can’t do much if something obliterates them and disintegrates them into bits. Garter just comes back automatically if that happens, but angels don’t work that way… I think…?” Brief finished, skipping to what was probably the important part. “I know you guys are off-duty, so I won’t ask you guys to fight that thing, but… please be safe.”
It was getting difficult to get any thoughts together. Brief hadn’t realized he was hurt this badly. His back ached. He thought he could catch the scent of his own burnt flesh. He forced his smile wider, trying for cheerfulness and reassurance as he continued.
“Get somewhere away from the chaos until it blows over… Maybe Casino City again! Or a road trip… Just… somewhere away from that ghost. ’Cause I don’t want to see… my friends get hurt.”
Brief finally collapsed back down to the ground, out cold on top of the angel brothers, and stopped talking.
The back of his hoodie was burned to pieces, exposing his entire backside, reddened from burns where the ghost’s beam had just barely grazed him. Apparently, he had not just shoved them out of the way of the attack, he had endured some damage from it in their place as well.
The hit was enough to render Brief down completely. His consciousness faded, light dulling in his eyes before he fell completely face-first against them. Watching Brief go from talking to them like he always did, to being unconscious or even dead on the ground in mere seconds made time stand still. The brothers could only stare in shock.
“…Bestie?” Polyurethane said, poking Brief’s cheek. “Come on, wake up. Are you taking a nap right now? Not the time.”
"Brief. Brief!" Polyester called out to him, slapping his face in hopes of getting a reaction out of him. “Come on, you bozo, what were you thinking, jumping in like that! Get up! Lock in!” The scolding was obviously futile, because Brief didn’t even stir in response.
He didn’t move at all.
“Humans don’t… regenerate, like we do, do they?” Polyurethane asked, chewing anxiously on his own lip.
There was a flash of light, and when Polyester looked up, he saw that the ghost had set its sights on them again. “—Polyurethane!”
“On it!”
In an instant, Polyurethane and Polyester rushed to grab Brief, hooking him from under their arms and dragging him away from the blast radius, trying to protect him just as another attack was loosed through the city. Once they were in a relatively safer corner, the brothers wracked their brains trying to recall how humans worked.
Humans were weak and fragile and very temporary. They died; that was the first thing Polyester and Polyurethane had ever learned about these creatures in the first place.
Something they’d learned after meeting them and hanging out with this one in particular was that humans were warm. They were supposed to be, at least.
But Brief was shockingly colder than he usually felt when Polyurethane held him against him.
Polyurethane bit his lip again as he thought about what on earth he can do to save Brief. Glancing back over to Polyester, he watched as his brother continued trying to think through their limited knowledge of humans.
Panic began to seep through Polyester as well, but he knew better than to let it overwhelm him. Taking a deep breath, Polyester slipped off his glove and placed two fingers on Brief’s neck, counting, searching for a pulse.
“…He’s breathing.”
“What?” Polyurethane lifted Brief’s body up and placed his ear flush against his chest. It was slow, but it was there. A weak but steady, thump, thump, thump from a heartbeat pressing against him. The warmth was fading, but it still radiated from him. The wave of panic was quickly replaced by a wave of relief knowing his friend wasn't dead; it made things a little bit easier to handle now. “Yeah, his heart’s not stopped!”
“Yet,” Polyester pointed out.
“You think he can still make it?” Polyurethane asked hopefully.
Polyester made a face, slipping his glove back on. “We’ve seen enough dead humans to know when they’re past the point of no return. Brief’s still breathing. We can probably save him. Humans have… some healing. Not much, but some. If we get him to that hospital…”
“The place where we go to collect the dead human souls?” Polyurethane asked.
“Sometimes they actually manage to survive their… theoretically.”
Polyurethane and Polyester only ever went to that hospital to collect the souls that died there, but that place was supposedly capable of at least trying to prevent that. It wasn’t what either of the angels associated with that place, but it was probably their best bet.
Polyurethane nodded. He wouldn’t place his trust in human ingenuity, but he’d place his trust in his brother’s plan, whatever it entailed. Gently, Polyurethane scooped Brief up into his arms and stood back up, carrying Brief almost bridal style. “Bet! Let’s hurry up and bounce—”
The city quaked around them again, shaken by yet another attack from the giant ghost. Polyurethane rolled out of the way of falling shrapnel, pulling Brief along with him.
Polyurethane’s voice dropped an octave as he grumbled out, “That ghost is high-key getting on my last nerve here…”
Polyester and Polyurethane exchanged a look, torn between dealing with that annoyance, or staying with Brief to keep him safe. Silently, they came to a compromise.
Balancing Brief in his hold carefully, Polyurethane slipped his underwear off and placed it into Polyester’s waiting, outstretched hand.
“We still don’t do overtime. Work life and personal life are separate. Periodt,” Polyester confirmed.
“But this ghost almost killed our bestie, and we probably can’t get him help until that trash outta the way.” He tightened his hold on Brief, whose body lolled limply. “That means this isn’t work. This is personal.”
Polyester tugged his own pair of golden speedos on one hand, and Polyurethane’s on his other. In one fluid motion and a blinding flash of golden light, Polyester brought his arms down by his side and mounted the double gauntlets.
Polyester glanced over his shoulder to check on the other two. Brief was lying unconscious wrapped in Polyurethane’s arms. His chest still rose and fell with shallow breaths.
Polyester turned back to the ghost and took aim, all eight barrels loaded.
“Repent or perish, bitch!”