Chapter Text
You remembered the soft smile. A face you never saw. A voice you never heard.
The red rooftop, the cold floor of the dojo, the clash between swords. You looked up and saw a forest, then a vast field filled with soldiers who had trained day and night.
“Don’t miss me too much,” he laughed, almost cackling as you entwined your hand with his.
Somewhere between cold sand and scorching blades against the unnamed monster that gulped down their men more and more.
You could predict the future, hailed as half god and half human– or so people thought. Sometimes the flashes were there, showing and helping with the strategy he always talked about. You wore heavy layers of soft silk, hands soft and never touched anything but the rite’s staff. You wished you could get the premonitions more often– that way, you could help him stop losing his men.
For him to smile more–
For him to be less sad–
For him to stop feeling useless as a General–
You prayed and prayed, trying to use your limited power till your eyes bled crimson.
People cried on their feet, asking for protection and praying for their children to be accepted into the sanctuary, where there were no monsters.
“Let’s make a shrine here,” he said as both of you stopped, and you looked around. A secluded area.
“A shrine?”
“Yes, for people who lost their lives fighting for us,” his men– your men– your people that failed to come home and hug their families.
You were about to say yes, “for me, when I lost the battle–” and you smacked him, hard enough to bruise his sly smile, thinking that joke was funny, gone when he looked at your face.
His face softened, his stupid ponytail swung as he leaned closer to you and let his lips brush against yours. You shouldn’t let him, shouldn’t let those simple acts calm down the fury about to explode from your chest.
“That’s not funny, and that’s a ridiculous idea. We will win this war soon,” you grumbled, pinching his cheeks as he smiled again. Even though you knew that was an empty sentence, they knew they wouldn’t be winning in a short time.
Yet his smile was able to calm your worried heart. The soft smile that you loved so much, too much.
His forehead touched yours, an iron scent that never really left him– the oil balm those soldiers used to wipe their sword. Meanwhile, yours was always layered by incense and the papers they burn to call for gods that even you doubt exist.
“I want it to be big enough for all the souls,” he whispered to you.
You decided to listen this time, gazing at his pretty eyelashes, then at his tanned skin. Under the sun— sometimes he could get sunburned, and you would be there with cooling ointment for him, he would give it later to the younger soldiers and lie to you that he used it already. They were always training to be stronger. You touched his calloused hand and wondered if one day you could train as much as and protect him instead in the battlefield.
You want to grow stronger, to fight together with him. Not stuck in the stupid shrine and waiting for another useless premonition.
“A huge Torii Gate* and two strong Komainu*” you nodded, anything he wished for, “and lastly, blessed by our Greatest Priest,” he grinned, wide enough for you to see two cute little fangs.
You chuckled, pulled him, and ignored the uncomfortable feeling or the armour between your body and his, “You will be the one who chooses them, so be sure to come back on time.”
“Sure,” his eyes gazing at you, “I promise to bring home the toy trinkets from the town you mentioned yesterday too.”
Through every collapse and creation, through even blood, sweat, and tears. You vowed.
When we leave the world, they said we would leave all our memories and possessions. Yet you refused to.
He broke his promise; he never came back.
And you wailed, and wailed. Sobbing.
But the General never made it home. Even the strongest samurai in this era failed to fight against those inhumane monsters emerging from the ground. The Monkey Unit fell and never made it back to the battlefield.
You looked down at your trembling hands as you kept climbing the endless stone stairway– walking to the altar. Dragging yourself as the shrine maiden chanted behind you. The way uphill was exhausting, you felt like your feet had given up halfway, but you kept climbing– until your calf felt numb.
You danced and moved as if you were holding a sword just like him, you gripped the small knife until you bled, and splattered your blood on the ground as you blessed the new shrine.
Ryunei Shrine.
Just like your beloved Hoshina requested.
You gazed over your back to see villagers— mother, father, son, daughter, brother, and sister– all mourning for their lost one.
Not only the memories, but the love that you refused to leave behind. Your eyes bled as the next premonition came flashing before your eyes. You felt your eyes shed another crimson tear because the real one drained this morning.
Hatred. Yes, you would take it together with you. For him. For your beloved, who dared to break his promise and leave you alone this lifetime.
As long as there was grief, you would endure it. You would— oh— oh you swore to the sky and earth that you would, because it meant their love was there. He was there together with you, and you won’t let the world forget, really, it was all that mattered.
Grief and hatred were all left for him that you could hold onto, hating him for not coming back to you. Next time you won’t be as useless, you will be the strongest, stronger than him, stronger than anyone. You would be the one protecting him.
You hated him for breaking his promises, you hated him for leaving you alone…
You hated him so much, too much.
“This is the shrine built from the Meireiki Era,” Shinomiya Isao said as he stood tall under the torii gate. Narumi yawned as he tailed after his master with the other new recruits.
“This is so boring, Isao-san,” he grumbled, hands inside his pockets, and he wanted nothing of this history lesson. If not because Hasegawa took his game console, he would have stayed behind inside their bus.
He thought training and drilling his basics were much better than this. It wasn’t like this shrine was important– it was nothing but a stupid symbol that old generations loved to make. Whoever made that idea was ridiculous.
“It was said to be blessed by the best priest in its era,” Hasegawa added, and the other new recruits all awed in amazement. Dumbass.
Narumi leaned against one of the Komainu, well– the shrine itself was not bad, he was sure the one who made this carefully chose its area and all the construction for it to be this strong and protected.
Narumi hated it, although he didn’t know why. He always trusted his instinct, and this place gave him such gloomy feelings.
It reminded him of his old nightmares. Those sleepless nights he had been having since he was a kid, since he lost his home and his faceless parents. Those nightmares were some of his first memories and one of the most memorable nightmares had been this shrine.
Must be because his old orphanages loved to make study tours to the museum that had this shrine memorial.
He remembered the gates, the lion-dog statues protecting the entrance, and hated the stone stairs the most. Narumi frowned, looking down at the street.
That nightmare– suddenly forced its way into Narumi's memories once again. Resurfacing without his approval turned his mind blank.
The unknown smile, the training field, the monster— the rites– the hatred and agony Narumi had forgotten. His hand went to his chest unconsciously, clutching his uniform. He hated those memories, always managing to make his emotions go haywire and confused. Forcefully scorched inside his heart. The agony grew inward, rooting to his core.
It felt haunted by something he couldn’t identify. Narumi hated to be clueless and oblivious. He didn’t have anything to blame for the nightmare but the shrine– the faceless man inside his dream, the one with a smile he couldn’t really forget fully. It was all blurry, but he knew it was something so terribly important, and also the part he hated the most from the dream. Because somehow it just made his chest tighten more when he recalled it. Amplifying the pain spreading inside him.
That smile made Narumi spend his time trying to translate the grief he had. So he hated and hated. Blaming all on that person, the one he never knew until now. It had no end, and just being a part of Narumi, it grew together with him. He carried them, like it or not. Maybe it was a curse. For it was too painful to be separated, even though only inside his dream, the person who was the owner of that smile. Only a severed nameless memory. Why must I carry all of this alone?
For a yearning he never knew for who, the grief and pain felt like knives stabbing him inside out. Hammered against his ribs and clawing to rip open his chest. He had tried to forget about them all years ago, but it was annoying for it to be triggered just because he visited this cursed shrine– blessed by the best priest your ass, this place was clearly laced with curses from that priest.
Narumi irked, flinching because he gripped too hard and his palm, the unhealed new calloused and cuts on his fingers, bled once more. The sting snapped him back to his reality. He exhaled slowly as he refocused his eyes.
He didn’t train hard enough; he needed to be stronger– for what? To get a place here, to make Isao-san proud and to protect– to protect– ….
He shook his head, running to Hasegawa, who was calling him and shouting his name to go back to the base.
Finally, I can leave this cursed place.
I hate his place– I hate that person.
Hate…. I hate him so much, too much.