Chapter Text

Dreams of a shadow

a welcome relief

She stood at the edge of the cliff and stared into the depths. A river roared below and its water crashed wildly against the protruding rocks. Rocks onto which she would have gladly thrown herself with the same force as the water possessed if only it would end her torment. She couldn't imagine that the physical pain of the impact could even come close to the stabbing sensation in her broken heart. The wind tugged at her hair and clothes, enveloping her without her noticing. All she could feel was the numbing pain soaring through her being. It clenched her chest with such a force that breathing seemed impossible. The water below danced invitingly, seemingly promising her sweet salvation. Her face was smeared with soot, except for two bright, fine lines that her tears had drawn on their unstoppable way down her cheeks. Her once cheerful laughter and elegant, proud movements seemed far away now. As if they had never belonged to her, as if they were hidden behinded the thick veil of a different lifetime... Her face was distorted by the grief that threatened to suffocate her.

She felt broken.

Like the thinnest glass had irrevocably and forever shattered into a thousand pieces. She had once mocked her elders for seeming to tire of everything life had to offer. She had never been able to understand the meaning of loss up until that point. Painful sobs echoed across the otherwise uncomfortably quiet plain. Only the rushing river could drown out these sounds. A threatening silence surrounded her, as if time had stood still. This meadow, which had always been bursting with life, had now fallen victim to death. No cricket, that is if any had survived the trampling feet of the hoards, dared to chirp its song, no flower opened her blossom to comfort the wounded woman. Her home was no longer offering any love to her. A painting constructed out of destruction, pain and death.

The elf sank to the ground, her legs no longer able to bear the weight of everything that was lost pressing on her soul. How could one fateful night have caused her undoing? She had lost everything that ever held meaning. Her family was nothing more than a memory. They had all entered Mandos' halls. She was alone. The realization hit her like a bolt of lightning, taking her breath away. Alone. Truly, her enemies had been right. He had been right. It had been her fault. She had been too arrogant, too confident, too young... She should have known better. Anger flared up inside her. It wasn't her fault, but Sauron's. Fury and vengeance spread through her, more intensely than she had ever felt before. She would make him pay. He and everyone else would pay dearly for this. But her rage vanished as quickly as it had taken hold of her when she looked out over the ashes.

The sight was horrific. Everything lay destroyed...

The meadow was trampled and only a few flowers, if any, were still visible. The charred remains of a group of houses, still smoldering and smoking in areas, were a reminder of the life that once existed here. The broken bodies of everyone she had ever dared to call family, lay twisted, ripped and broken on a pile. They're eyes glazed over by death's cold stare. They seemed to lock her gaze accusingly. She was the reason for their downfall. Noone needed to tell her that. Tears welled up in her eyes again. She sobbed, loud and desperate. No, she was far too exhausted to seek revenge. She had no control over herself or her feelings. The emptiness in her heart returned abruptly and knocked the wind out of her lungs. She was paralyzed, unable to perceive anything but her agony. Another sob shook her body. She longed for her loved ones, now without a home and robbed of all hope.

She was broken. More than that, she was destroyed, from the inside out...

He had succeeded.

What was the point of living anymore? She couldn't imagine surviving this and for the first time in her comparatively long life she finally understood everyone that has ever spoken to her about wanting to turn their backs on middleearth for good and sail West... The irregular pounding in her heart was almost impossible to ignore. It was giving in for her. She wanted to wake up; this couldn't be real, it couldn't be. She wanted to scream and lash out, but she was too trapped to move. She could hardly breathe through her tears and sobs. She tried to calm herself with a few deep, shaky breaths. The smoke that still hung in the air scratched unpleasantly at her battered throat. She had wrapped her arms around herself in a desperate attempt to find something to hold on to. Something to keep her from plunging into the inviting, yawning depths. At least she had survived, if you could call it living when there was no one left to share life with. Shaking, she moved a little ways away from the abyss without turning around. She didn't want to see what lay behind her. She didn't need to see it. The image of her destroyed homeland and their icy stares was burned into her memory just as deeply as the fire had burned into her skin.

Dark spots danced at the edges of her vision, and she greeted the darkness with an eerie smile.

A welcome relief.