Chapter Text
Thursday the 4th of January 2018
Rainy season was still a few months away at this point, yet this week the heavens had decided to unleash a torrent of water. Monika didn’t really mind storms like this usually, however by this point she’d decided the downpour had overstayed its welcome.
Unsteady tapping joined the thrashing of rain against the clubroom window, interrupting the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall behind her. Her pen hit diffidently against the desk as she slouched over, head in hand.
She gazed over the sheets of paper in front of her, illuminated only by the heavily-filtered light seeping through the clubroom windows. Hastily scribbled notes occupied the pile to her left, with a similar pile on the right, albeit with the content organised much more neatly. - With so much information to store in her head as of late, she’d decided to forgo making notes appear presentable during class, instead opting to sort through them later for ease of revision when the time came.
The tapping slowed as her focus turned to the blank pages by her side she was using for the neater copies, a single sheet sticking out awkwardly from the bottom of the pile. After a moment of staring she decided to slide it out from beneath the pile, hesitating as she reached to place it back on top.
Before long, she had lowered it back down in front of her, carefully sliding the two piles beside her away to make room. Though she certainly didn’t have the time to use up on writing poetry right now, part of her brain decided this was an appropriate time to try. The culture festival had passed a few months ago now, and since then she was certain she was improving at the craft.
With her pen since raised, she gently lowered it down to the page, the tip barely scratching the surface before the clubroom door suddenly burst open.
“Sorry I’m so late again!”
Sayori exclaimed as she nearly tripped over herself, glancing around the clubroom before locking eye contact with Monika, who returned a blank stare.
“Wait… am I really that late? Did I miss everything?”
Sayori collapsed onto the nearest desk in front of her as her body spread out in supposed defeat.
“You’re almost forty-five minutes early.”
Monika pointed out dryly, blinking half in disbelief and half exasperation. Sayori shot back up as quickly as she had burst into the room.
“Wh-? But my watch says-”
She froze after stammering through sounds of disagreement, catching herself as she glanced down to the newly-bought watch on her wrist.
“I’ve told you it’s out of sync.”
Monika sighed as she put down her pen, shooting a look of tired disappointment before outstretching her arm to Sayori, prompting her to walk over with a look of sheepish guilt after leaving the majority of her belongings at the desk.
“Leave it to me to forget that.”
Sayori groaned pettily, plodding over to the desk Monika sat by. Normally she’d simply decide to do work at any desk in the clubroom, but as of recently she’d chosen the teacher’s desk, sitting at the front of the room facing the rest. - Sayori recalled that Monika’s reasoning was to use the larger desk space to fit more material, which Sayori supposed made sense.
“Hand it over…. maybe I can give it another look at myself or something.”
Monika spoke, a tinge of carelessness in her inflection. Sayori unstrapped the watch from her wrist as she reached the desk, sliding it off of her arm before leaning over to place it in Monika’s still-oustretched hand.
“Moni…”
Sayori whispered as her hand paused just before it met Monika’s own, who let out a confused hum as she peered up to Sayori’s eyes, filled with a growing amount of concern. Sayori leant in further, hands descending to the desk along with her watch as her face swooped in agonisingly close to Monika’s, whose outstretched arm was practically forced to fold back in to her body. Monika felt a faint shade of much-needed colour spread across her cheekbones at Sayori’s thorough stare, whose distress radiated from her expression as she squinted her eyelids.
“Your eyes look bloodshot… and your skin is so pale… …How much sleep did you get last night?”
Sayori asked with a cautious worry, prompting Monika to freeze briefly as if taking her time to process what had just been asked. By the time the question had registered, all she could muster was a pathetic-looking smile. Sayori narrowed her eyebrows as she formed her conclusion.
“You can’t be serious? -Monika! We literally- …-last week- talked about this!”
She exclaimed between a stutter, gaining only a further narrow of the eyebrows from Monika as her strained smile tightened. Her blush heightened briefly as Sayori suddenly began to strip her blazer and vest with a discontented sigh, wrapping her vest into a makeshift pillow before whacking it down on the desk in front of her and pointing to it intently with an accompanying worried glare.
“Now sleep!”
“I have wor-”
Monika attempted to protest before Sayori raised her other arm, placing a finger over her lips whilst emphasising the other outstretched and pointing to her vest. With a defeated sigh of her own, Monika leant down her head on the vest, supported by her arms as she brought them up beside her, carefully avoiding knocking over the piles of paper on the way. Sayori let herself smile bittersweetly at the sight, before steadily walking around and behind Monika, who felt her eyelids immediately force shut before a blazer draped over her back.
Sayori then waddled over to the nearest desk, carrying the chair from it over to the teacher’s desk, careful not to produce a horrible scraping noise against the floor. She sunk into the chair as she leant her head in her palms, gazing over Monika as she breathed steadily.
The rhythmic ticking of the clock continued, alongside the heavy rainfall outside. Sayori’s head still lay cupped in her hands, though she now stood by the windowsill, leaning against it as she peered outside. She turned around briefly, searching for the clock on the wall before finding it and focusing on the position of the hands. - Around thirty-five minutes had passed since she arrived. Her gaze fell downwards to Monika, who continued to sleep at the desk.
Entering the clubroom, Yuri’s eyes darted around before landing on Sayori, who had turned to face her once hearing the door open.
“I’m not too early am I?”
Yuri asked, barely loud enough to hear across the room over the rain. Sayori smiled as she shook her head, watching Yuri walk over to the desk beside the one cluttered with Sayori’s belongings and placing down her own.
“You never are… Besides, I don’t think anyone here minds.”
Sayori clarified, pacing away from the window and over to the middle of the room, soon joined by Yuri who had passed a concerned glance to Monika led at the desk, before shooting another to Sayori in anxious confusion.
“…Is everything okay?”
Yuri finally asked, prompting Sayori to frown as she turned her head to focus back on Monika. Yuri followed as Sayori began to strut over to the desk, sighing in defeat before finally turning back to Yuri.
“No…”
Sayori finally admitted, gazing back at Yuri who returned an expression even Sayori couldn’t quite pinpoint. - Assuming further clarification was required, she continued on with her explanation.
“She didn’t sleep last night, this is the second time recently she’s done that… I know there’s a lot of work to do but… …I wish she’d start taking better care of herself again.”
Yuri’s face mellowed as she glanced back to Sayori, whose expression had since fallen from the bright smile she’d given when Yuri arrived. Her focus moved from Sayori’s face to the desk, noticing the vest and blazer absent from Sayori’s chest. Yuri’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as she spoke.
“Aren’t you cold?”
“No, I’m fine… it’s better she’s comfortable either way."
Sayori replied quicker than Yuri expected, a sternness present in the delivery that she rarely heard from Sayori. Yuri paused to look back at Monika, whose body faintly rose and fell with breathing Yuri thought seemed heavy for a nap. She glanced at the window briefly, before finally replying.
“I see… …So… are you going to wake her back up? Or just leave her to rest here?”
“Well… I’ll have to wake her back up at some point but for now I just want to see her rest. She can take the day off as far as I’m concerned…”
Sayori responded tiredly, though her exhaustion seemed to fade quickly as she turned to face Yuri directly as she continued.
“Besides, what else is the role of vice-president for if not for times like these?”
Sayori watched as a faint but genuine smile appeared on Yuri’s face as she replied.
“Well vice-president, you must have contingency club activities for us then?”
Sayori’s eyes widened as she realised Yuri had a slight teasing edge to her smile. Even on the rare occasion she tried to joke, Yuri’s timid delivery often made it hard to tell if she was actually trying to mess around or not. Regardless, Sayori’s shock soon turned to a sheepish grin as she rubbed the back of her head, not expecting to actually be challenged on the matter.
“Right… yeah… well we could alway-”
She managed before the door to the clubroom bashed open loudly. Natsuki strutted through the doorway with arms held by her side in a temper, carrying a small plastic bag and a scowl on her face.
“ACK!- I swear this rain is going to be the death of me!-”
Natsuki soon stopped in her tracks as she noticed Yuri’s deathly glare aimed right at her, stepping aside and pointing to Monika still asleep at the desk.
“Oh.”
Natsuki concluded as she gave a small nod in acknowledgement, walking up to the pair and giving a coy side-eye to Yuri in the process before looking down to Monika herself.
“Hm… I don’t think I’ve ever seen her asleep before.”
Yuri nodded in agreement as Natsuki set down the plastic bag on the desk behind them.
“Well, she’s gonna be pissed when she finds out she missed this.”
She smirked as she unwrapped the bag, pulling out a plastic box and turning back to face the pair. Both Sayori and Yuri looked on in awe as Natsuki pulled back the lid of the box, revealing four beautifully decorated cupcakes, each one corresponding to a member of the club.
“The decoration is a little crude this time around but this batch honestly came out pretty rough so I thought I’d compensate with more decoration… -These four were the only ones worth doing anything with.”
“As vice-president, I think I declare today’s activity a prolonged snackbreak."
Sayori concluded proudly, producing a smug chuckle from Natsuki as she reached into the box and pulled out a blue-coloured cupcake, handing it to Sayori who instantly took it and bit down, gratitude portrayed through eagerness alone. Next was the purple-coloured one, which was swiftly taken by Yuri, who hesitated before taking a bite.
“Thank you… …thanks…”
She whispered timidly before biting down with a similar eagerness as Sayori sighed with content.
“I can’t think of a single bad day I’ve had that also included eating one of these.”
She stated as she took another bite far too large for her mouth. Natsuki’s grin began to grow as she stood proud.
“Yeah yeah whatever, keep eatin’.”
Sayori gave a playful salute as Natsuki spun back around and placed the box on the bag, picking out the two remaining cupcakes. Sayori watched on as Natsuki took a small bite from the pink-coloured one, before placing the green-coloured one down beside Monika, eliciting a frown from Sayori who quickly swallowed to speak.
“She won’t eat that if you just leave it there…”
She noted, causing Natsuki to turn and stutter through her response mid-mouthful.
“Wh-… …Eh?”
“She’s eating less right now, and I know her enough to also know it probably won’t get eaten.”
Sayori clarified, leaving Natsuki utterly dumbfounded as she once again turned to face Monika. Natsuki's eyes narrowed as she pointed a finger out to Monika, facing Sayori again as she barked out her reply as quietly as she could whilst still making her annoyance evident.
“…Look at her… …what the hell does she need to diet for?"
“-I said the same thing…”
Sayori replied, deflating into a sigh as her focus grazed over Monika’s resting body.
“She was only just making the time to eat enough anyway with all the work she’s been doing… She used to be so good with her health, I- …dont know what's gotten into her recently.”
Sayori finished with a frown, which quickly dulled as she took another bite of the cupcake in her hand. Natsuki paused as she processed what she’d just heard, frustration building in her head as she thought to the previous couple of months. She’d been able to understand Monika coming out less after school and at the weekends with them all due to needing to do more schoolwork, but missing time for food of all things just seemed absurd. Natsuki peeled her eyes away from Monika in dismissal, turning her focus back to the cupcake in her hands as she took another bite.
“Whatever, more for us… or… yeah.”
“Um… thank you again…”
Spoke Yuri gently, prompting the pair to turn towards her, both noticing the empty cupcake wrapper in her hands. Natsuki’s exasperation quickly turned to shock, and then later to pride as she registered what she was seeing. Yuri felt her cheekbones burn as she noticed the sly grin on Natsuki’s face before she spoke.
“Already?”
Natsuki heard Sayori giggle slightly as Yuri’s fluster shifted from pink to red.
“Well… that seems about right for Yuri-”
Sayori managed before Monika burst upright with a large inhale, eyes frantically darting around the room as her arms began to shake. Natsuki barely caught herself from tripping over as she recoiled in shock, Sayori quickly dashing beside Monika with fear plastered over her face.
“-M-Monika?! -What is it?! -Monika!-”
Sayori stuttered hectically as Monika’s gaze continued to fly across the room in an uncontrolled panic, only focusing once her hand had been taken into Yuri’s own who spoke with a reassuring sternness.
“You’re no longer dreaming. You’re in the clubroom, surrounded by people you know in a safe place. You’re not in any danger, calm your breathing, you are okay.”
Monika stared at Yuri with deteriorating fear as her breathing began to slow ever-so-slightly, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she gripped onto Yuri’s hand. Monika felt her breath hitch as arms wrapped around her torso, Sayori embracing her as she spoke.
“Hey… we’re here… you’re okay… you’re safe…”
Her words similarly wrapped around Monika, who allowed herself to exhale and began to start collecting her bearings as Natsuki watched on in still-disturbed shock.
As Monika felt the shivering begin to subdue, an expression of steep guilt flared on her face, manifesting further as she attempted to stand up from the chair. Sayori and Yuri stepped back as Monika stood, her hand gripping onto the back of the chair for leverage.
Natsuki stepped forwards as Monika’s breath began to lighten.
“I’m… -sorry you had to… see-”
Monika managed before she lost consciousness.
Whichever bed Monika was led in, it was soft, albeit a bit too sturdy beneath the back to be truly comfortable. The sound of muffled rainfall soon returned to her ears, splattering against the large window to her left. Her eyes etched open with heavy resistance, greeted only by clinical white walls. The room she was in was dimly lit, but not dark, that much she could gather.
As her gaze travelled along the room, her focus fell on a counter running along the length of the left-hand wall. Atop it lay papers and appliances she didn’t recognise, but off near the far corner of the room sat something she could put a name to. - Natsuki looked up from her phone, peering over to Monika with emotion presumably buried behind a blank expression.
“You’re alive.”
Natsuki promptly noted, inflection somehow drier than the stare accompanying it. Lacking a response to give, Monika turned to the window, whatever water splashing against it shrouded in darkness.
“Doctors said it was dehydration and exhaustion if you’re wondering.”
“…What time is it?”
Monika managed to ask, the raspiness in her voice shocking herself more than Natsuki.
“Two-fifty AM. You wouldn’t believe how much convincing it took to get those two to go home and sleep. -You just missed Sayori though, she left like- thirty minutes ago.”
“…You’re still here?”
Monika questioned, trying to speak without the wispiness her body provided against her will.
“Well I figured someone needed to keep an eye on you, besides I’m more than fine not being at home.”
Natsuki responded as she finally looked back up from her phone and towards Monika, reaching into the familiar plastic bag beside her before jumping down from the counter. Monika watched as Natsuki paced over to the bed holding the plastic box, opening it and taking out the green-coloured cupcake before placing it on the bedside table.
“I… know there’s a good chance you won’t -or don’t- wanna eat that. But, you know, I figured- if not it’d go to waste. …I tried giving it to Yuri but she refused it, somehow.”
Monika allowed her head to roll to the left, looking at the cupcake now beside her and prompting a defeated smile that she carried back to Natsuki, still standing over her.
“Look… Moni… I know being prez requires time and you have studies and all that but just promise me -or us if needs be I don’t care- that you’ll start looking after yourself again. You… really freaked me out.”
Natsuki’s expression softened with conflicted relief as Monika averted her eyes away in shame, mouth closing as briefly as it had opened as she failed to find the words to respond with.
“…I’m sorry.”
She managed finally, face tensing as her gaze continued to trail away from Natsuki.
“Yeah whatever, start eating my cupcakes more and maybe I’ll forgive you… a rack like yours and you feel the need to eat less, blows my mind.”
Monika’s face quickly mellowed as a faint smile invaded her expression, followed quickly by Natsuki who failed to resist smirking at her own phrasing as she walked back to the counter and packed away the box in the plastic bag.
“Well anyway, I’ll like… let you recover, or whatever. Doctors said you’ll be out by morning… -Oh and we told your mom you’re out tonight with us and will be back home tomorrow… We didn’t know if you wanted her knowing about this. …Don’t- …ask me how or why Sayori knows your phone pin.”
Natsuki waved a goodbye phone in hand and turned around, heading straight for the door.
“Wait…”
She heard from behind, spinning around on one heel with a subtle sense of surprise on her face as she listened further.
“…Could you stay a little longer… if that’s okay…”
The sly grin on Natsuki’s face quickly washed away the grit of selfishness invading Monika’s head for asking such a thing, before she placed the bag back down on the counter beside her and huffed a hyperbolically-fake sigh.
“If I must.”
She stated with non-veiled victoriousness in her voice, pacing over to the right-hand side of the room and dragging a spare chair up beside the bed Monika lay in across from the bedside table.
”My dad isn't home tonight anyway.”
“…Thanks.”
Monika spoke, invisibly frustrated knowing her voice could not possibly convey the gratitude she wished it would. Natsuki sat upright in the chair regardless, hands creeping to the bed before her and settling on idly playing with Monika’s hair spread out across the pillow and sheets alike.
“…Wow… I’d forgotten what hair feels like when it isn’t so brittle.”
Reassured by the subtle warmth that had returned to Natsuki’s inflection, Monika turned her head to her right.
“Do you ever consider letting yours grow out naturally?”
She asked, prompting Natsuki to look up in a brief moment of genuine surprise.
“…Not really… it took me a while to figure out what shade of pink I even wanted… Besides, it gives me and Yuri another thing to talk about.”
“…Hey… wait… have I ever asked what your natural hair colour is?”
Natsuki smiled as she pondered the question asked, before shaking her head lightly.
“No, I don’t think so anyway. …It’s black- before you do ask. Yuri’s is brown.”
She concluded, looking on as Monika turned to face ahead for a moment in thought, before turning back.
“Do you think I’d look good with dyed hair?”
Monika finally asked, face falling ever so slightly as Natsuki chuckled to herself.
“Hell no, not a chance… …But… you should try styling it some other way sometime, you always have it the same way even when we’re all together outside of the club.”
“I guess so… I only ever wear it down when I’m at home.”
Natsuki nodded in response.
“I figured… I’ll be honest it feels weird seeing you with it down now.”
She responded, causing Monika to look away briefly in a sudden feeling of exposure.
“It’s nice though… I like it.”
“Well… what about you? … I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with your hair any other way-”
Monika managed with a slight challengingness in her response, before silencing as Natsuki reached up and untied her hair, letting it fall naturally down to and behind her shoulders. Her cheeks slowly began to turn a similar shade as the hair she just untied as Monika stared on with eyes wider than usual.
“You should have it like that more often.”
“I don’t know, I like the style I have now… Besides, it took even longer to figure out than deciding on a colour… -Trust me I tried everything.”
Natsuki responded as her hands returned to messing with Monika’s own hair, soon allowing the sound of rain to refill the room for a short while.
“You know, I always kind of expected I’d be the first one out of all of us to end up being visited in hospital.”
Monika turned as Natsuki continued.
“I mean, I've been before a couple times, but I meant after we'd all met each other I guess… Or- I guess maybe I expected Sayori… Eh- or Yuri? Honestly- I don’t know… But, definitely not you.”
Natsuki concluded through a stammer, continuing on before Monika could think of a response.
“Hey so- I don’t know if I’m allowed to ask this but like… what exactly made you wake up like that?”
Monika’s stare returned before she finally turned away, looking ahead once again.
“…This stays with us?”
She asked, prompting a response from Natsuki she would have found too quick to be genuine if not for the sternness it was delivered with.
“Cross my heart.”
“Did… Did you ever convince yourself to believe in some silly things as a kid? Like- that your entire life is a TV show, for example?”
Monika began, receiving an enthusiastic noise of agreement from beside her.
“Oh yeah, for sure- Not exactly like that I guess, but I used to be pretty superstitious about weirdly specific stuff.”
Natsuki responded before allowing herself a playful giggle.
“Right, yeah… As a child, one of the things I used to believe in was that- dreams are like visions of the future, or at the very least are premonitive in some weird way.”
“That… feels pretty weird for someone like you to believe in.”
Natsuki responded with a smirk.
“Yeah, I know… I don’t anymore, not after I finally did some research once I began to realise how stupid that sounded. But even since then, dreams have always been a bit of a weird thing for me. I know they're nothing but your brain processing thoughts and memories, but I can’t help but analyse them too much for my own good.”
Monika responded, eliciting another hum of acknowledgment from Natsuki.
“…I’ve… …had this recurring nightmare for a while now…”
Monika began, still refusing to make eye contact as she explained.
“…It’s… about all of you. You- …all die. But- -not like- …as an event… you’re all already dead. Yuri… she- she’s always led there on the ground… …with a knife through her heart. You’re… there next to her, with a broken neck and stained with your- -vomit… Sayori- is always there- hanging.”
Monika turned with a glint of fear in her eye to Natsuki after noticing she had since stopped playing with the hair in her hands at some point during the explanation.
“…You’re sure Yuri didn’t have a hand in this? Sounds like something right out of one of her novels.”
Natsuki responded with playful sarcasm, watching on with a smirk as Monika paused to look back ahead for a moment, before smiling as she began to laugh to herself weakly.
“You’re right… it does…”
Through Yuri’s always calm and logical explanations, to Sayori’s heart-felt and genuine interpretations, Monika sighed as her chuckle subdued. Thankful that of all the people to stay, it was Natsuki, and her ability to reduce something serious into something so seemingly-stupid.
“So… is this the reason you’ve been getting so little sleep?”
“…N-No… I’ve just been up working… This hasn't really been helping though.”
Monika’s expression softened as she responded, any intrusive thoughts swiftly interrupted by Natsuki.
“You know you can like, message me or something if you want, if something like that happens and you can’t sleep. -Even if I’m asleep myself when you do the notification will wake me up… …I sleep light.”
Monika paused in contemplation for a moment, before returning a weak smile as she responded.
“Right… okay… I’ll try to remember to.”
She concluded, watching as Natsuki’s own expression quickly seemed to match her own.
“God you look so tired… you’re sure you don’t just want to go back to sleep?”
“I don’t know… I guess so.”
Monika responded, the wisp in her voice creeping back as she pondered her situation once again.
“Well, either way you know you need it.”
Natsuki added, prompting Monika to avert her eyes briefly.
“I guess… yeah… I’ll try.”
“About time you made a smart choice for yourself.”
Natsuki responded with a faint smile as she stood up and walked over to the counter across the room, picking up the plastic bag and pacing towards the door.
“Message me when you get home safe, right? Oh- and the others too. -Actually just put it in the group chat.”
“Yeah… I will.”
Monika replied as Natsuki offered up a sly smile before turning around, opening the door and leaving with her hand in the air.
“Later doll.”
Monika watched the last of Natsuki’s loose hair covered by the closing door disappear from view as she lay still in the bed, gazing at the rain on the hospital window before looking to the table beside her.
She reached out and took the cupcake in her hands, unwrapping it partly before taking a bite.