Are you on a busy schedule? No time for romance and quadrant nonsense? Still need to pass drone season? Have we got the perfect product for you!

A ready made dial in no contact no fuss pailing companion for the evening! You get their nook at your disposal and all their fluids for your bucket filling needs, but with none of the hassle of needing to make small talk with them or maintain a relationship!

Our drone season approved pailing aid is small enough to be discreet, a unique thick ring  with an expandable girth and a programmable dial that allows you to choose the hue range of your match.

Sign up now with our early flapbeast special only 5 payments of 29.95 caegers, and free shipping!

*All pailing aid portal participants are certified disease free, adult, and consenting.

*Certified pailing aid portal products only available to cerulean castes and higher.

Eridan stared dubiously at the ad, adjusting the itchy collar of his cadet uniform. It wasn't that he hadn't tried to fill his quandrants, really, he’d just had such a bad run of luck with them, and then gotten caught up with school feeding for his naval courses.

It had been a while and the drones were practically breathing down his neck at this point, it was this or hook up with one of the other cadets, and honestly fuck those guys, they’d put silt suckers in his cupe last week.

A few decisive taps and he had ordered the intimate device to be delivered to his appearifier. He jumped, biolum lighting his cheeks brightly as he puffed up startledly, fins spread, looking over at it when it dinged almost immediately.

He made a disgruntled noise and rolled his computer chair backwards and stood, going to the delivery platform and picking up the shiny box that was sitting there,

Portal Pailing Aid was written across the front in a fancy fuchsia font with the imperial kiss seal in the corner, on a nice glossy black cardboard. He cut the tape with his thumb claw and opened it up, shaking the device out into his hand. Deactivated it looked a lot like a big chunky bracelet, if a bit too skinny for that; he turned it over in his hands, looking at the power switch and the dials for colour on the outside.

He carried it back to his computer chair and sat down in it, flipping the switch on and feeling it come to life, humming in his hands and making an activation chirp. He rotated the dial through the spectrum.. and landed on grey.. what on Alternia was grey for? A wild random choice? Well, it reminded him of an old friend, so he left it there and hit the set button.

The interior of the ring filled in with a moist open nook, very real and solid and there, glistening in the light, a nice red shade, with a very immediate scent of other troll that made his cheeks flush and fins perk forward. He couldn't entirely tell but the red seemed... very red. Was that normal for nooks? It must be, right?

He pulled up a couple of old pictures he'd saved on his husktop and unzipped his pants.

Karkat Vantas was at his local regulated sustenance dispensary and produce co-op when a shudder wracked his body. Something thick and cold and writhing opened his nook wide open with no preamble, stretching and filling him halfway before withdrawing and slamming in deeper urgently.  

He clutched at the shelves in an attempt to continue standing, his legs trembling. His other hand went over his belly where he could feel the enthusiastic movement of the program's newest user beneath his own flesh. On his hip a monitor flashes with a little beep; it was meant to warn him that there was an incoming connection, but it tended to lag with particularly… eager clients.

He stuffed his fist against his mouth, biting down on his finger and closing his eyes as he tried to control his breathing and stifle his own voice so he didn't let out a full throated moan in the middle of the store. Despite the fact that the panties had never leaked he was afraid that slurry would spill down his legs. His own bulge was engorged but trapped in his sheath by the device, only allowing the use of his nook. His legs shook as over stimulated nerves were flooded with sensation once more. 

He must look like a fucking fool to all the other customers. Drunken or drugged. He needed to keep it together long enough to get some food. He had to let himself be fucked with every eye in the store on him,watching him. Did they know? Did they not? It was his secret, he should be at home, but he’d hoped he’d be fast enough. And the thought of being fucked in front of every one of his neighbors while they had no idea what was going on was one that almost tipped him over again right there. 

This was the third time in the last hour that a match had requested him. He was overstimulated and sensitive, barely able to think as the bulge plunged into him and twisted inside him, lashing and drawing back only to plunge deeper again and again until it penetrated his seed flap. He crossed his legs and whimpered a little as he was used. He was trying to slow it down, but the way his nook narrowed with the squeeze of his legs only seemed to encourage the client’s enthusiasm. His stomach rippled under his shirt, bumping out as the well endowed highblood- they must be well taller than himself- bottomed out inside him, he tugged his shirt downward, trying not to drop his groceries, aware that he was a bizarre sight, and flustered by the humiliation of it.  

He forced his eyes open, taking a deep breath, and moved, trembling. His thighs were pressed and rubbing together, a shaky hand selecting groceries for dinner tonight and tossing them carelessly into his buggy as he barely looked at what he was grabbing.

He’d ended up with some fairly strange dinners this week- most of them half burned as he’d been fucked hard while at the stove, rarely given a rest as a particularly popular match with the portal technology. But they’d let him out on probation as long as he agreed to wear the breeding panties and their monitoring device. Something he was eager to accept rather than face culling.

The thrusts grew faster and faster as he made his way down to the self check out, harder, more desperate, more needy, bottoming out inside him each time. His footsteps stumbled as he fumbled along, sweating and shaking. He felt like every eye in the store must be on him. He was leaning against the self check, nearly crushing a sour pucker fruit in his hand when he closed his eyes tight and bit down on his lip, knees pressed together, and breath coming in a hard rush through his nose in broken pants. His own geneslime filled his overstimulated sack, and his nook clamped down around the bulge inside it with needy ripples. The bulge throbbed hard as he milked it for everything it had, belly filling with cold geneslime swirling with his hot mess and pressing his waistband outward.

Soon he was so full he felt like he was going to burst as he tried to urgently get through the self check out and out of there, fumbling with numbers and cards and clutching his items to his chest as he stumbled home, knowing that he looked drunk as hell, and pawed the door open, collapsing on the couch. His hand was over his belly as he felt it mercifully start to drain and shrink.

For a moment he sat there and breathed as relief and endorphins washed over him. Good job, the bucket was filled, the job was done, the client was through with him.

Okay-- maybe now he could get these groceries put up and start cooking something for dinner.

The light started flashing on his hip as soon as it turned off again and he arched his back with a low whine as someone fully plunged into him, cold and needy and demanding once more.

“HOLY FUCKING SHITGLOBES JUST FUCKING FIVE MINUTES FIVE MMMMMNGH—” he gasped out, leaning back in the cusions legs opening wide and hips twitching with each new thrust. His fingers rubbed over his grub scars while the new client went through their paces. His friends rotated through his mind. Gamzee’s curls and wicked smile over him as his hips bounced against the sofa, or Eridan’s little knowing smirk-- Terezi’s sharp teeth-- she was a little too warm for what he felt inside him, but a troll could dream. 

It was hard to imagine someone like the hot blooded Captor inside him, kissing him sloppily when his client felt like they’d been taking an ice bath - but Feferi, maybe-- or even the Empress, fancying that he’d caught her eye, a special little concubine to serve her needs--

A shudder wracked through his body and he almost whited out with the intensity of it.

Drone season was here and he was in hot demand. Karkat groped around blindly for a bag and fumbled a packet out of it. He tore open his ramen with his teeth and started crunching on the dry noodles without cooking them. It was going to be a long night and he needed some energy.