Chapter Text
Oscar would find himself in strange, unforeseen situations all the time and never by his own doing. He guessed it was just what he got for living with four other twenty-somethings, every next one more messy than the other. He had lost track of all the different people knocking on their door, looking for any one of them and gotten quite used to the fact that his roommates walked in and out at different times of night and day with no respect for his sleeping schedule. Needless to say, sharing the living space with such a crowd had often brought its surprises. It was chaos. But this was an all time low.
It was late in the night, probably closer to the morning than Oscar would like to admit. He lost track of time as he had to put some long hours in to finish the first assignment of the semester. He would have done it earlier, he hated having to rush as he completed a project last minute, but Lando had rather inconveniently forced him to attend some music festival for the entirety of the weekend. And then rather conveniently for himself left to attend a strangely specific conference organised by their university, leaving Oscar to fend on his own. It should be quite convenient for Oscar too, in all honesty, as he did not have to endure his constant babbling and was actually able to focus on his work. But he was still annoyed he was left alone.
Before it all happened, he was having a glass of water in the kitchen, for once enjoying the peace and quiet one can only experience in the middle of the night. Then, he heard some commotion outside the door. He sighed and looked outside the window from where he was leaning against the counter, hoping it had just been one of their neighbours coming back home from a night out. They did live in a neighbourhood densely populated by students, after all. The streets below were fairly calm, even if not exactly empty. People seemed to have business to attend irrespective of the time. He opened the window to let in some chilly early fall air, and inhaled it like it could heal something inside of him. Yet, he was quite certain London air was detrimental to his lungs, if anything.
Then the pounding on the door came, startling him a little. He set the glass down and resignedly made his way through the dark corridor. As far as Oscar knew, all of his roommates that were supposed to be home, had been already fast asleep. Which also meant no one else would come to the door and save him the bother. He leaned against its surface and carefully looked through the peephole. He couldn’t see anybody, which somehow unnerved him more. Had he been hearing things? Maybe there was a limit to how much sleep deprivation he could suffer?
He opened the door reluctantly, only to discover someone had been sitting on the floor, leaning back against them. The man fell back with a thud, body loose and uncoordinated like a bag of potatoes, and looked incomprehensibly at Oscar from the floor.
“Oscar!” He exclaimed dazedly.
“Nicola!” Oscar echoed with fake enthusiasm, as he assessed the suspected level of his intoxication.
“Where is he?” The man mumbled, still not making any effort to pick himself up.
“Who?” Oscar tried, hoping to confuse his drunk mind enough for him to decide to leave. Forever.
“What do you mean who?” He huffed. “You know perfectly well. Tell h-him to come here.”
“He’s not here” Oscar sighed, knowing he had lost that battle.
“Yeah, right” he mumbled and started scrambling around to stand on his shaky legs. “The asshole… thinks he can hide.”
Nicola pushed past Oscar forcefully and started stumbling around the corridor. Oscar cursed underneath his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. He never should have opened that damned door. He had classes in the morning, he was looking forward to having at least a couple of hours of sleep. But his chances had grown pretty slim, slimmer with every moment.
He considered for a moment whether he shouldn’t simply move out at some point, just for the sake of his health and mental wellbeing. But he knew he wouldn’t, no matter how many times he was left to deal with his roommates’ every drunk of a friend. It was as if somebody had traced a ring of salt around the building, he was tied. Yet, he was entirely aware it had nothing to do with black magic.
“Lando!” Nicola called, as he grabbed the handle of Lando’s room door. Oscar was pretty sure it had been the only thing to keep him upright.
“Nic, shut up! He’s not here” Oscar convinced and placed himself next to the door to make Nicola look at him.
“Well, you’re here” he parried and pushed the door.
The room was a mess, a fair representation of its inhabitant, Oscar thought. There were clothes lying on the ground, just where Lando had scattered them when he was packing at the last minute, dishes on the desk that he made a mental note to pick up before they became a biological hazard until Lando’s return, and two dead plants on the windowsill from the time Lando had briefly decided to become a plant mom just as soon as he saw a 1+1 sale at the supermarket.
“He’s not here” Nicola grumbled and Oscar just rolled his eyes.
“He’s out of town” he sighed, feeling as if he had been trying to reason with a toddler. It usually felt like this with drunk people, to be fair. Nicola just hummed and mumbled incomprehensibly. “Do you need me to call you a cab?”
Oscar hoped, really prayed to have him out of his hair. Nicola wasn’t a bad person, not at all. He was probably the best one Lando had dated yet. But he had his flaws which made Oscar unable to look at him favorably, the biggest one being, well… that he dated Lando.
But Nicola seemed to be unable to register his words, let alone remember what he was just told. He walked out and towards Oscar’s room next door. He popped his head in.
“Lando!”
Oscar sighed, entirely unsure of what to do now. He followed him helplessly, as he made his way around the apartment, shouting.
The two other rooms’ doors opened in a synchronised manner, revealing his sleepy and barely alive roommates, with annoyed looks on their faces. They blinked and eyed the intruder, only to turn their angered eyes towards Oscar, as if he was responsible.
“What the fuck” Alex murmured, rubbing his eyes.
“He won’t leave” Oscar raised his hands in a defensive manner.
“Lando!”
“Mate, he’s not here” George tried uselessly, stopping in the doorframe just behind Alex.
“Lando!”
“The fuck is wrong with him?” Alex turned to Oscar.
“Oh my, he’s entirely befuddled, I’m afraid” George provided.
“Lando!”
“Nic, che cazzo? Coza vuoi?” Charles groaned, pulling the ultimate card.
“Devo parlargli” he finally focused on something. “Lando!”
“Lui non è qui, idiota. Lasciami dormire o ti uccido, hai capito?” He threatened and shut his door. Oscar knew just some very basic Italian from all those years of being friends with Charles, but he got the gist. And getting between Charles and his ten hours of sleep was borderline suicidal.
Nicola blinked into the space as if Charles’ words needed to sink in.
“Non osare usare il mio stesso linguaggio contro di me!” He called after Charles, pouting his lips.
Nicola pulled onto his hair and staggered into the livingroom to drop dramatically onto the couch. He had an awful habit of feeling entirely too comfortable wherever he was, that had annoyed Oscar beyond the measure throughout those two months of him and Lando dating.
“Get rid of him” Alex pointed a finger at Oscar.
Oscar opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, trying to find words that were proportional to his indignation.
“Wha- he is not my problem!”
“No, but he’s Lando’s” Alex pointed out. He grabbed George by the elbow to pull him back inside and closed the door as if it ended the argument.
“Since when are Lando’s problems my problems?” He called after them, frustratingly running a hand through his hair.
“Since always!” George shouted back, muffled by the door.
Oscar huffed and made his way into the livingroom hesitantly. Nicola was laying flat on his back, motionlessly, covering his face with his hands. He made a mental promise to make Lando clean everything diligently, if he ended up throwing up.
He pulled out his phone. Lando’s status was active not too surprisingly, yet entirely surprisingly he responded to Oscar. Usually he would have to wait at least two business days.
Me:
Do you have any idea why Nicola might be here?
And completely drunk?
Lan:
Shit
Can you take care of him?
Like emotionally?
Ur good at that
Me:
Why?
What did you do?
Lan:
…
I might have broken up w him
Oscar blinked at the message. He felt… strange. Annoyed but not entirely. He’d rather not think too much about that. It wasn’t shocking, Oscar knew Lando like the back of his hand, he could tell when he started to withdrawn emotionally from his relationships. For Nicola it was somewhere between week six and seven, the decision made at any point between Nicola openly eating sushi next to Lando and him not wanting to come with Lando to the music festival Oscar ended up attending.
And it was very much like Lando to break up with somebody just as he was about to dip so he wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences. Some might have thought he would have been quite good at all of this, seeing how many breakups he had gone through. Oscar had made it his own personal challenge to guess how long any given relationship of his would last. He was surprisingly good at it, to the point nobody else would bet him on it anymore.
The problem, Oscar suspected, was that Lando did not even know what he was looking for. His relationships shared no pattern, had no rhyme and reason, he did not even know what he wanted them to look like. He just entered one after another, apparently determined to figure it out as he went or hoping to stumble into something that worked by pure flux. And he could afford it, he had never had to complain about being short on options. Something about his way of being pulled people in so effortlessly. He was always able to pick and choose however he wished, in a way that had been absolutely beyond Oscar’s understanding. So, every relationship was like an experiment.
Nicola had been maybe the most complicated one yet. A mix of traits Lando had never encountered before - he was foreign, older, in some ways so simple and plain that it maybe had just allowed for him to be so unhealthily obsessed with Lando. And he was so unfairly beautiful. Oscar wanted to hate him just for that, just for looking like he was pulled straight off the runway with his tall and muscly build and perfectly angled face, but he knew it had only stemmed from comparing himself to him. And he did not need to, right? He did not need to compete against him, even if he was competitive by nature.
Where Lando did not know he was flying too close to the sun might have been in that Nicola was so similar to him. A little too similar. In all the wrong aspects. In the aspect Lando did not even know would annoy him so much, because he had never experienced himself from another’s perspective. And then he found himself complaining about Nicola’s love for drama, having a foul mouth and getting too comfortable with people too quickly. Oscar really did not want to point that he had just been holding a mirror, but the others had done it for him. Yet, Lando did not believe any of their roommates when they had remarked that very same thing. It was only when Oscar agreed, he groaned and started pulling on his hair.
“Well, am I the problem in all my relationships, then? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” He inquired helplessly at that time.
“No, no way” Oscar said, prolonging the vowels and Lando simply kicked him in the ankle to never tackle the issue again. Oscar suspected it would take him three more Nicolas to reach some meaningful conclusions.
Oscar sighed, uncertain of what to do. He looked at the man occupying the couch and realised his shoulders were shaking. He was crying. Well, shit.
Me:
You’re going to owe me for this
BIG
Lan:
Yeah yeah
Just add it to the list
Oscar shook his head in resignation and bit the inside of his cheek. There was hardly anything worse than a drunk man going thorugh a mental breakdown. He would have known, seeing how often he would nurse Lando out of it. He walked towards the couch tentatively and croached beside it.
“Nic, it’ll be okay” he tried softly, patting his shoulder. “I know it probably doesn’t feel that way, but you will feel better.”
Nicola removed his hands from his face to look at Oscar hazily. God, even when crying he was beautiful. Had he not been dating Lando, he would have thought anyone who was with him was the luckiest person alive. But Lando could have anybody, anyday. Anybody was lucky to have him.
“Have you ever been dumped?” He asked expectantly.
“No.” Oscar admitted.
“Have you ever been rejected and heartbroken?”
“Also no, but…”
“Than how do you know?”
Nicola howled at that, tears streaming down his cheeks again, and Oscar felt flustered and red-cheeked. He really shouldn’t be responsible for cheering Nicola up. For giving advice, as if he had had any expertise. He scrambled for the right words to say, like he even knew what he was talking about.
“Because it’s like that with everything in life. Sooner or later you always move on” he convinced, but Nicola had been spasmic already.
He grabbed the only cushion they had managed to organise for themselves throughout all those years of living together, and hugged it tight to his chest. Oscar felt helpless. Selfishly, he did not want to have to cheer him up. He sympathysed on the basic human level with his sadness, but he wasn’t sad for him. He had never grown quite that attached and honestly was entirely uncertain then, what would work best to make him feel better, because he just did not feel like he knew him that well. He had just always known it wouldn’t work out. He wasn’t for Lando, he did not understand the way he had to go about him. He could learn, of course, but he never seemed eager enough to Oscar. He just liked the idea of Lando, the way he had made him feel, and that was what he was grieving.
Oscar pulled a blanket from the nearby armchair and tucked Nicola in, diligently, trying not to think about the stains his tears would leave on their only cushion. He’d do the laundry later. Or maybe he’d finally force Lando to learn how to do it properly and do it on his own. It was his fault, after all.
“Just try to sleep a bit. You’ll feel better in the morning” he suggested, looking down at the mess of a man barely holding himself together, and tried to turn around.
“Osc, wait” he stopped him by grabbing his wrist. Oscar winced slightly at him using the nickname, again. He was never aware enough to realise he wasn’t quite privileged to that. But then again, he had a tendency to take things that weren’t his, that he never deserved.
“What?”
“We’re friends, right?” He asked pleadingly.
“We are?” Oscar raised his eyebrows, feeling more and more fed up with the situation.
“Yeah, like… we hang out all the time.”
Oscar blinked at him. Was that the way Nicola had perceived it? Because it was surely never Oscar’s intention to hang out with him. He just happened to be around Lando a lot. And Oscar and Lando hang out all the time, especially if Oscar could help it. If he had to deal with sharing space with Lando’s boyfriends as well, so be it. He was there first, it was his right, the golden rule of his and Lando’s friendship. Nicola was there for five minutes. Oscar had been there always. He was the first choice.
“I guess” he shrugged. Nicola grabbed his hand and pulled on it so he lowered himself again.
“Then, you can be honest with me. Will he come back?”
He looked just so broken and carefully hopeful. Oscar felt reluctant to break his spirit further, but he knew the answer. Lando never went back.
“I don’t think so, I’m sorry” he said quietly, shaking his head.
“Did I do something wrong?” he let another cry rattle through his body.
“No, no. Nic, I don’t think it’s you…”
“Can you help me, then?” He latched on, full of sudden hope. “He’ll listen to you, he always does. Can you help me win him back?”
Oscar blinked at him. Oh. The sole thought made his stomach twist, leaving him breathless. And he felt guilty. He was an awful person, surely. Because he knew his resentment for the idea did not stem from how much Nicola had lacked. He could try to convince himself of that all he wanted. But the truth was, it was because how close he was. How close to being perfect for Lando. Oscar had never tried to actively sabotage any of Lando’s relationships. He just stayed neutral. But trying to help Nicola? Actively push Lando onto him? No, he would never be able to do that. Maybe he should have, maybe he should care for Lando’s prospective happiness enough to school Nicola into the version of himself he needed to be for Lando. Maybe he should do something about Lando’s inability to stay in a relationship, it would be good for him. But he was selfish and beyond trying to be better about it all.
He could not imagine a world where Lando was actually in a committed, long-term relationship. It just never occurred to him to be a possibility, or maybe he had never allowed it in. He knew Lando and he had known him for ages. He was aware of the way he was, of how absolutely unable of being alone he had been, ever since he hit puberty. So he was used to him messing around with people all the time, that was fine. Somewhat. But he wasn’t prepared for it to stop, because what then? Then Oscar would just be on his own? Alone, left to look at his completely dry love life and finally face it, make some conclusions? No, he’d rather him and Lando be unhappy in love together. Even though he would absolutely deny it, had someone tried to insinuate exactly that.
“I think you just need to move on” he sighed heavily and Nicola just looked at him like a kid being told Santa Claus is not real.
“B-but I can’t. H-his like everything to me” he stuttered. “He’s so kind, and funny, and beautiful, I can’t…”
“I know” Oscar tried smiling sympathetically at him, because he did know. He knew perfectly well. “You’ll find another kind, and funny, and beautiful person, trust me.”
“I don’t want another person, Oscar. I want him.”
Well, get in line, a small voice spoke out inside Oscar’s head, before he stifled it out in panic, because he was not going to go there. He was not going to feed that monster, nor even acknowledge it. He focused on stroking Nicola’s arm instead, tried to focus on something physical, because his suffering did seem quite that. He’d get over it, sooner or later, of course he would. In a week or two in the future he will have already been two dates in with some other extremely beautiful guy or girl. It just wouldn’t be Lando.
“Oscar, can you stay with me? Don’t leave me” he pleaded and squeezed Oscar’s hand tightly.
He smelled of vodka and cigars, Oscar guessed he had been the type to smoke when he was drinking, and his hands were cold but somehow clammy. It all clung to his skin, making it crawl. He was exhausted. He just wanted to go to his bed finally. One simple wish, that somehow had proven to be too difficult to be granted. He really had to figure out a way to make Lando repay him for all of it.
“Yeah, sure. Just try to sleep.”
Nicola smiled at him weakly, as he closed his eyes, allowing some silent tears to fall. Oscar felt uncomfortable crouching, he leaned back and laid down on the carpet, still letting his hand be held. He sighed and listened in on Nicola’s breath to catch when it would turn even, signifying he had fallen asleep and freeing Oscar. The luck would have it that he had been the first one asleep.