Chapter Text
Viktor's bellybutton is pierced.
Viktor's bellybutton is pierced and his belly is smooth and pale and flat and Jayce feels totally normal about this.
The post of Viktor's new piercing has.. 936 notes already. Jayce sighs. As if his crush's perfect body doesn't designate him as completely unattainable already, his apparent popularity obviously makes it even worse.
The mirror selfie shows him from head to mid-leg, face obscured by his phone's placement. Viktor's hair is shoulder-length with several white-blond sections near the front, pulled into a half-up hairstyle. One skinny hand holds his phone, the other holds the Heather gray v-neck shirt up to his chest, pert pink nipples and belly exposed. Viktor's jogger sweatpants sit low on his hips, the black strap of his thong underwear peaking up from the waistband. Devilish grin with pierced tongue out. And of course, the new jewelry. Silver glinting teasingly at the camera from its place on Viktor's abdomen.
A shaky sigh escapes Jayce's lips as his sweaty palm gropes the half-chub in his pants. Jayce grimaces as he looks down: his gut sits heavily in his lap, the sight making his erection shrink slightly.
He forces his eyes back to his laptop screen and tugs his joggers down roughly until the chilled air of the room hits his skin.
Jayce adjusts his posture, leaning back slightly and groping his chubbing dick.
Viktor's tongue playfully pokes out of his pink lips. He grins wickedly. A smile Jayce wasn't privy to when they shared that fateful science class 8 years prior. Jayce remembers exactly one smile from Viktor during the class: when he raised his hand to correct the professor's error.
Blood slowly fills out Jayce's cock as he tugs it to full mast. His eyes settle over the delicate, pale skin of Viktor's neck in the photo. He imagines the skin vividly littered with purples and reds, hickies sucked into his neck by Jayce's greedy mouth. Show those 936 people who Viktor really belongs to.
Jayce moans softly.
Now jerking his shaft at a steady pace, he drinks in the sight of Viktor's exposed chest and belly. The nipples he imagines getting his lips around, teasing, drawing sweet noises from Viktor who begs for Jayce to touch his dick now, please, he needs more.
The mental image of open-mouthed kisses down Viktor's abdomen until he reaches the silver jewelry and teases the delicate new piercing with his tongue.
Jayce's balls ache with the impending need to blow his load. His gaze settles on the strap on the man's hip, a teasing reminder of the scant undergarment he wears in the photo. Jayce imagines Viktor's petite, pale ass in the air, bent over for him with the string of material barely covering his delicate pink hole-
“Fuck, Viktor,” Jayce moans as his seed spills over his fingers.
Ragged breaths fill the quiet space, a stark reminder of how out of shape Jayce has gotten. He can't even jerk off to his crush like the pathetic fan boy he is without being filled with even more shame about how badly he's let himself go.
Jayce sighs in defeat, the hand that's still dry placed on his belly. He hasn't stepped on the scale. He doesn't know yet how bad it's gotten. He was planning to get at least a bit back into his gym and clean eating routine before taking that leap. The issue was that he still hadn't gotten back on the wagon and was starting to wonder when he would find the willpower to at all.
His mother has been graciously silent about the physical changes that have undoubtedly been obvious in the past year. She knows how sensitive her son is and despite all she does to make him feel comfortable and safe, he still cringes every time he goes to her house for dinner, knowing he hasn't lost weight and sometimes even knowing he's put on more since he saw her last.
It's not just the weight. Jayce has been in a slump. His job as a medical lab scientist has been unfulfilling for a while now and his motivation for more has stagnated. Jayce has never been more angry with himself for being too pussy to just ask Viktor out when they had that class together, back when Jayce was still physically fit and full of potential. Every time he almost worked up the nerve to introduce himself, Viktor's resting bitch face spooked him and sent him running, his tail between his legs. Instead, like the pathetic coward he is, he found Viktor on Twitter and followed that account until one day when Viktor's tumblr was linked, which, to Jayce's excitement, was much more… revealing.
Jayce likes to think he's gotten to know Viktor over the years, in a way. He knows that Viktor enjoys playing guitar, that he can play and sing a few Green Day songs. They sound that much better in Viktor's beautiful accent. Jayce knows that Viktor passionately advocates for people with socioeconomic disadvantages and that he's attended several rallies, one in recent years which tipped Jayce off to Viktor possibly still living closeby.
He knows that Viktor's heart is sweet and pure, that the poetry he enjoys is hauntingly beautiful.
But he doesn't know everything there is to know about Viktor. He yearns, aches to know more, to learn everything.
And even though Jayce has dated here and there over the years, his mind always, always comes back to Viktor.
“So you're coming, right?” Vi asks, her tone bordering on threatening.
Jayce rolls his eyes, thankful Vi can't see through the phone.
“I'm guessing my presence is non-negotiable?”
“I'm getting worried about you. If you're willing to miss Cait's birthday, there must seriously be something wrong with you.”
Jayce sighs and sinks further in his chair. “I just.. it's a lot of people to be around.”
“Most of whom you've known for over a decade…” she grumbles.
Jayce sighs and glances at his gut. “That's the problem.”
“You know my gym schedule. You're welcome to come with me every single time I go, if it helps.”
“Thanks for the tip, Vi.”
“Look. Cait's family loves you. More than they love me-”
Jayce begins protesting but Vi barrels on.
“They don't care what you look like. Neither does Cait, neither do I. But your attitude is really starting to worry me. It's not like you to just.. give up.”
Tense silence drags on as Jayce purses his lips and contemplates hanging up the call instead of allowing himself to be vulnerable. He chooses the latter.
“I just feel like a failure. Not just with.. my weight.”
“Is this about tumblr guy?”
Jayce hates how transparent he is, how pathetic that sounds. A guy he's never even spoken with.
“I feel like I've totally lost my chance at this point.”
“If you actually talk to him, it's more of a chance than you've ever had.”
“Fuck off,” Jayce says weakly.
Vi laughs fondly. “Okay, I'll shut up about it. Just know if you aren't at Cait's birthday party I'm kicking your ass.”
“I'll be there.”
Despite his Tumblr being relatively popular for a few years now, Viktor still feels a rush of giddiness when he checks the app to see a whopping 936 notes on the new photo he posted yesterday. His AllHailHerald page has done wonders for his confidence during his adult life. What he once viewed as scrawny and bony, he now sees as nymphe-like and cute. It pains him a bit to rely on the approval of others to this extent, but the teases and comments from peers growing up were what made him self-conscious in the first place. So, touche.
Viktor has done a lot with his styling and personal grooming to feel more at home in his body, too. He experiments with his hair and clothing until he feels joy from a look in the mirror. The bellybutton piercing wasn't his first choice but he chickened out of getting a nipple pierced and didn't want to walk away from the tattoo parlor empty-handed.
Viktor can hardly recognize the insecure, painfully shy young academy student he was when he first started this Tumblr page. He remembers floating through his classes speaking to nobody, scared to hold eye contact for too long, scared to smile for fear of his crooked teeth being spotted.
At 27 years old, Viktor is finally feeling at home in his body and his life. His senior software engineer position at a local company allows him plenty of work-from-home time and a comfortable enough salary to allow him extra cash to pour into hobbies.
Viktor's self-esteem has improved to the extent of him even considering dating. He knows the arrangement would need to add to his already fulfilling single life, which he thinks is a good way to make sure he isn't settling.
He’s never been outgoing, and just because he kind of is on Tumblr, that still doesn’t feel… real. He’d posted a link to one of his tumblr posts to his twitter around the time he started his page, but after realizing his twitter had his name and identity attached and his tumblr did not, deleted the tweet. It was only up for a few hours, thank goodness, and he doesn’t think it’s affected his privacy. So far, nobody from “real life” has seemed to encroach on this space and he likes having the page to experiment with facets of himself. The twitter is long-abandoned along with any other social media with his name or face attached.
The Italian restaurant is dimly lit and aromas of marinara and cheese immediately hit Jayce as he walks in behind Ximena. He finds himself thankful for the low lighting (all the better to hide in the corner) and awkwardly adjusts his too-tight button-up shirt.
The table is easy to spot, not only by its size fit for a large group, but by the bright pink of Vi's hair that quickly comes into view.
Vi is out of the table and pulling Jayce into a hug as soon as she spots he and Ximena.
“You made it.”
“Didn't want to risk getting my ass kicked- ow!” He rubs his arm where Ximena elbowed him for swearing.
“Hello, Violet,” she greets, and the two share a friendly hug.
The rest of the table greets them, including Tobias, Cassandra, several of Caitlyn's cousins and some friends of hers Jayce has met once or twice before.
Jayce is grateful to have his mother sitting to his right and Vi to his left. They feel like a human shield protecting him from having to be overly social with people he doesn't know that well. Jayce suffers through awkward small-talk with the group until Caitlyn arrives and he relaxes into a dissociative state, confident that she will remain the center of attention through the evening.
The dinner is mostly uneventful, Jayce being able to stay invisible, until conversation veers to how impressively physically fit Caitlyn and Vi both are and one of Cait's cousins locks eyes with Jayce, blurting out, “Jayce, you used to be really jacked too.”
He freezes, halfway through a mouthful of spaghetti, and feels eyes on him from others around the table.
Vi graciously steers the conversation back to Cait. “Yeah well, this one needs those muscles, fighting crime. Tell them about the fight you helped break up at Walmart!”
Jayce swallows his mouthful painfully and fidgets his hands in his lap. He replays the stupid teenager’s words in his mind over and over. For the record, he’s still pretty muscular. It’s just less noticeable now that he has quite a bit more body fat. Jayce is pulled from his rumination by the sensation of his mother's cold hand covering his. When he meets her eyes, she smiles softly. He tries to smile back.
Jayce excuses himself to the restroom where he locks himself in the overly fancy little room and opens the Tumblr app. He searches “AllH” and clicks Viktor's page as soon as the search result shows.
Jayce’s nervous system relaxes into equilibrium as he scrolls Viktor’s page, much like a toddler being given its pacifier. The most recent post is a selfie of Viktor laying in bed, face obscured by his grumpy-looking gray tabby sitting directly on his chest. His basic form is visible, along with locks of wavy brown and white hair. One thick, raised eyebrow can be seen over the cat’s airplane ears. Viktor has always obscured his face in photos he posts to his tumblr. It seems that Viktor wants some degree of anonymity, however identifiable Jayce thinks the rest of him looks. He’s truly one of a kind.
Jayce’s heart skips a beat and his stomach drops when the next post comes into view.
It's a photo. It looks so similar to Jayce without a shirt these days that at first he has the irrational fear that it's him, even though that's not even possible. He would never allow a shirtless photo in his current state. As he puts the pieces together, he realizes that the photo is of a young-ish man: brunette, objectively handsome in the face. He sits sprawled on a sofa with a pizza box beside him, half of the food gone and presumably devoured. The man's belly is chubby and round and one of his hands rests on its curve.
Jayce's mind scrambles to make sense of this. At first, shame and hurt flood him as he thinks Viktor reblogged this post to make fun of this man, who looks a bit too much like Jayce for his comfort. But he remembers that this is Viktor; Viktor is kind. He is passionate about activism. He wouldn't make fun of somebody in this way even if he didn't find them attractive.
Jayce reads the captions for more context clues. The OP has the post captioned, “ur obedient feedee 😍”. Viktor had reblogged the post and added “where can I find one!!” As his comment, with hashtags #feedism #fat boy.
What's feedism? Or a.. a feedee? Is it just.. what it sounds like? The practice of feeding somebody? Somebody who gets fed? But why?
Despite messages from Jayce's entire conscious life that a big belly is objectively unattractive, something about this photo seems.. sexual.
And Viktor's caption and tags confirm the suspicion. Viktor likes fat guys?
This revelation makes the rest of Caitlyn’s birthday party bearable for Jayce. He floats back to the table and sits, mind off somewhere else, turning the news over and over in his mind. The possibility that Viktor might find Jayce’s current body appealing, much less disgusting, is wild. He has to keep his thoughts PG to avoid his dick going full-mast in his dress pants.
Jayce goes through the motions, the necessary pleasantries of saying goodbye to everybody. He slips Cait the envelope with a birthday card and money from he and his mom and hugs her, the Kirammans and Vi goodbye. He pulls out his keys to drive his mom home.
“You’re an amazing young man, Jayce. I hope you know that.”
Jayce side-eyes his mom as he pulls up to her street, glad the car ride is almost over. The rhythmic clicking of the turn signal fills the silence until he pulls the car over and is obligated to acknowledge Ximena.
“Ok, Mama.”
His face is pulled toward her by her cold fingers on his chin. Her eyes are warm and sweet and suddenly Jayce feels like a dick.
“Te quiero.” His voice is soft, fragile.
“Te quiero, mi nino.”
Jayce allows Ximena to pull him forward to kiss his forehead.
He drives home as fast as he can, lightning beneath his skin, eager to.. What? Viktor’s post was enlightening, but what does it change? Does this suddenly mean Jayce is comfortable shooting his shot?
Finally back to his darkened apartment, ill-fitting dress clothes kicked into a pile on the floor, Jayce lays back on his unmade bed in only boxer-briefs. His belly jiggles slightly with the impact of dropping to the mattress.
Viktor's ask box stares back at Jayce from his phone screen. He has opened this page dozens of times over the years but always clicked out before actually sending anything, even anonymously.
His thumbs hover over the touchscreen keyboard. His mouth is dry, heart racing.
You really like fat guys?
Stupid. Delete.
Why do you like feedism?
No. No. Weird question.
Were you serious about wanting to find a feedee?
Jayce hits the “anonymous” button and clicks send before he can chicken out. This way he'll know if Viktor was just kidding. He definitely doesn't obsessively check Viktor's page every ten minutes for the remainder of the day.
He definitely isn't prepared for what he sees when he opens tumblr the moment he wakes up the next morning.
AllHailHerald
Anonymous asked:
Were you serious about wanting to find a feedee?
Answer:
Absolutely.
Jayce immediately opens Viktor's ask box again, his heart pounding in his ears.
What would you do with your feedee?
Sent anonymously, of course.
This time, the question is answered only a couple of hours later.
I would spoil him, with food and with affection. I would feed him until he couldn't move and then rub his chubby belly as long as he wanted me to.
When Jayce reads this reply, his face feels hot. His.. pants feel a bit tight.
He opens the ask box again.
Would you be romantically involved with your feedee? Sexually involved?
When Viktor answers his anonymous question just an hour later, Jayce's face burns.
You should get off anon and dm me already ;)
Before he even knows what's happening, he's opening his phone contacts and calling Vi. She answers on the third ring.
“Hey. I'm sorry about Cait's cousin, I really didn't think that would-”
“It's fine, I'm over it,” Jayce interrupts. “I need your advice.”
Vi laughs. “Okay.. about what?”
“Do you think I should message Viktor?”
“I've always said you should. What made you actually consider this time?”
Jayce pauses. He chews his lip. “You really think I should?”
“Yes.” Vi sighs heavily. “If anything, so you can stop living in limbo. You'll have an answer and you can move on if it doesn't work out.”
Jayce scoffs. As if he would move on. “Okay.. what do I even say?”
“Tell him you've been stalking him for almost a decade.”
“Vi.”
“I'm sorry. You know I'm kidding, Jayce. I actually do think you'd be a really good boyfriend to him. You're obviously loyal.” The smirk can be heard over the phone. “Why don't you just say.. that you think he's really cute and seems like a sweetheart? Ask him if he'd want to talk more?”
Jayce sighs. “That.. that’s actually not bad.”
“See? I have great advice. How do you think I bagged Cait?”
Several days go by. Jayce fidgets at work more than usual. Stress eats more than he even was before. The culmination of the past 8 years gnaws relentlessly at him. He will finally have his answer. And it’s possible that won’t be a good thing. Because even if Viktor doesn’t want him, rejects him, laughs at him, or doesn’t even respond, Jayce will remain as he’s been… completely overtaken.
Jayce actually types his initial message to Viktor in the notes app on his phone rather than in Viktor's DM. He’s paranoid his thumb will slip and he will accidentally send the message before it’s absolutely perfect. And it needs to be. He’s waited entirely too long to fuck this up.
When he finally has a message typed out that looks adequately concise, sane and friendly, he reads it back to himself a dozen times.
Hey there, I’m interested in the whole “feedee” thing. I also think you seem like an awesome person and wouldn’t mind just being friends either. I can send you a picture, so you can see if you’re interested. If not, that’s cool. I’m male, 28 years old. Thanks.
This still kind of feels like messaging Viktor on anon. Although he’s followed the guy for 8 years, he rarely interacts with Viktor’s posts for fear of being conspicuous. His page contains no personal information, no original posts or photos of himself. His username is @ rubixcube97, a random one he typed in when he signed up for tumblr just to follow Viktor. He’s reblogged a few posts over the years that really tell nothing about him: science articles, photography of nature and travel, and okay, some pictures of amazing looking food. Sue him.
Jayce’s heartbeat quickens and cold sweat slicks his forehead as he clicks “select all” and then “copy” on the rehearsed dm.
Lightheaded with anticipation, Jayce opens tumblr, finds AllHailHerald clicks “send message.” He pastes the text into the blank space and presses send.
Viktor is at work when he notices the “t” notification at the top of his phone and after further inspection, sees that it’s a message from an account called rubixcube97. He presses the little arrow in the notification bar to see the preview of the message and instinctively locks the screen, his heart in his throat, when he sees the word “feedee."
He glances around the small bare-bones lunch room; it’s empty. Viktor sits in one of the plastic chairs around the rectangular table and rests his cane against his leg. With a shaky sigh, Viktor unlocks his phone, opens Tumblr and reads the new message.
Viktor is no stranger to people sliding into his DMs. Especially since he’s been posting such artfully taken photos of himself. He’s used to people being vulgar, or arguing over something political he’s posted, sending just “hi”, or coming off... Annoying. This message catches his interest. It reads as practiced, shy. Reverent. It helps that the guy’s basically asking to try out to be his feedee, too.
The account has no thumbnail photo. Although, the person did volunteer to send a photo... Viktor pauses and rubs his forehead. Is he considering this? Sure, flirting back with the person on anon had been fun for what it was worth but he never would have expected a serious inquiry.
He shoves his phone in his pants pocket and pushes himself to his feet, leaning heavily on his cane.
“Hi, Viktor.” Sky strolls into the break room and greets him.
A gasp escapes Viktor’s lips, his posture going rigid. “Oh, Sky. Good morning.”
“Uh oh, what’s wrong?” She laughs as she pops a disposable k-cup into the keurig machine on the counter.
“Ugh. I do not want to discuss this at work.” Viktor rubs his brow irritatedly.
Sky abruptly turns to face Viktor, eyes wide. “Holy shit, are you dating again?”
She says it like it’s some fucking conspiracy, so unbelievable. But he supposes it is. He and Sky have become good friends over the 5 years Viktor has worked at this job and have discussed more personal matters over time. Sky knows about Viktor’s terminal singleness, his dream to eventually settle down if somebody worth it were to present themselves. A hot flush settles over Viktor’s cheeks and he glances at his friend.
“Make your coffee.”
Sky takes a few steps closer and lowers her voice to a whisper. “What’s his name?”
After a beat of pregnant silence, Viktor winces. “I don’t know yet.”
She raises a brow.
“I was recently propositioned by somebody. It’s very new and I will keep you posted.” An irritated edge to Viktor’s voice increases as he speaks until he’s spitting the words out.
The smirk on Sky’s face is so smug. If Viktor wasn’t so fond of her, he’d have the urge to smack it off. He leaves the break room before this conversation can go on and heads back to his office, shutting the door behind him. Viktor unlocks his phone and pulls the message again on the Tumblr app. This time, he clicks on the profile of this Rubixcube97, feeling curious.
A quick scroll through the archive shows an article about interesting vegetation in Hawaii, an article about electromagnetic fields, and.. Oh. This man does like food. Viktor continues scrolling, his eyes most drawn to the decadent “food porn” photos: crispy and gooey cinnamon rolls covered in glistening white icing, decadent layered chocolate cake, buttery pasta with lobster and shrimp.
Viktor locks his phone again and takes a few breaths. He adjusts his clothing and tries to shift back into “work mode.” He will figure this out later.
Jayce unlocks his phone again to see no new notifications. It’s 8:33 PM. That means it’s been 11 hours since he bared his soul to Viktor after 8 years of anticipation. With each passing minute Viktor doesn’t respond, Jayce’s dread grows. His eye bags darken. His self worth plummets.
“If you’re gonna crash our date night, we’re not letting you sulk.” Caitlyn’s voice pulls Jayce from his self-deprecating rumination. She swipes Jayce’s phone from his grip before he can stop her, shoving it between the couch cushions.
Jayce glares and crosses his arms over his chest petulantly. “I can’t help it.”
“Well, at least stop checking your phone over and over.”
“Yeah, his loss. Seriously,” Vi insists. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing. Scrawny little-”
“Watch it,” Jayce snaps. He slumps into the couch and forces his eyes back to the TV.
A buzz and Jayce’s muffled notification ringtone jingles and suddenly he is tearing through the space between the couch cushions in desperate search of his phone.
“Hey!” Cait yells, pushed into Vi’s shoulder by Jayce’s manic scrambling. He breathes a huge sigh of relief when he feels the cool surface of the phone screen and pulls it free from the crummy spaces between the cushions. Jayce mumbles a half-assed, “Sorry,” jumping to his feet, unlocking and swiping and checking and– Everything stops. He holds his breath. The world holds its breath.
Because Viktor replied.
Hello. I have considered and am willing to chat to see if we are a good fit. Can you please send me a photo? You have seen me, yes?
I must also ask what you are looking for specifically. In your previous ask, you mentioned romantic and sexual involvement. Is this what you are hoping for?
“Oh my god.”
Jayce’s stupid, flushed face and awed smile must give him away.
“Oh my god,” Vi repeats. “He replied!”
Both women jump from the couch to surround Jayce, craning their necks to see the message, but Jayce locks the phone screen before they can.
“Hey, private!”
“Are you kidding me?” Cait cries, incredulous.
“You’re not gonna show us after we supported you through your tantrum?”
Jayce glares at them, but it’s impossible to keep that look on his face, and soon he’s smiling like an idiot. “It’s.. it’s personal. But it’s a good sign so far. I have to go home.” He shoves his phone in his pocket and heads for the front door of Vi’s apartment, both women close at his heels.
“You’d better keep us posted,” Vi grumbles. It does nothing to hide her obvious smirk and excitement.
Jayce calls a quick “Love you guys!” as he slams the door behind him and nearly trips down the front steps.
Jayce reads and re-reads and re-reads Viktor’s reply, again and again until the words are etched into his brain. The first words Viktor had ever spoken to him. Well, written, he supposes.
He briefly considers leaving the message unanswered for a bit so as not to seem too thirsty. Then he wonders if waiting will allow Viktor time to change his mind, orr make Viktor suspicious of him, since he is expected to send a photo with his response. Jayce growls and pushes his heavy body up from his bed, heading to his bathroom and flicking the light on. He squints at himself in the mirror as his eyes adjust to the light. Jayce wears sweatpants and a worn tee. His hair is longer than he usually keeps it, same with his facial hair, thanks to his current depressive episode and completely neglecting self-care for months. He frowns at his reflection.
Jayce hasn’t taken a photo of himself in close to a year. Not since he still had well-groomed hair, a clean-shaven jaw and the trim physique that was normal for him for his entire life (until now). He grimaces as his eyes pan downward and take in his shape.
What kind of picture does Viktor want, anyway? What kind of picture was Jayce imagining sending when he wrote the first message and offered to send one? Will he include his face? He immediately decides that yes, his face will be included. He thinks it will spook Viktor less if he shows that slice of vulnerability. He has enough confidence in his facial features, also. Despite the longer hair and stubble, his face is probably one of his better features right now.
Jayce takes a breath and opens the camera app. The phone shakes due to his trembling hand as he holds it up to capture his reflection in the mirror, from head to hip.
Ugh.
Viktor is into this. Remember that guy he reblogged?
After a few shoulder rolls, Jayce poses slightly, trying to appear casual and unbothered. He fixes a small smile on his face, one that feels more natural when he imagines Viktor. He snaps a photo.
Jayce pauses. He gets an idea. He reminds himself these photos never have to see the light of day. He’s just trying things out. He’ll pick his favorite at the end. Or delete all of them and take new ones.
With a shaky sigh, Jayce grabs the hem of his shirt between his fingers and thumb and lifts it to just under his now-chubby pecs. His abdomen is dusted with soft, dark hair, more coarse and thick under his belly button. The expanse of skin is golden tan like the rest of his complexion, except for the stretch marks etching his belly and sides. Some are reddish, some now a shade lighter than his skin tone. Soft love handles settle on Jayce's hips, forming a muffin top where they meet his sweatpants. His belly protrudes, round in front of him, and is now plush enough to hang slightly over his waistband. Jayce forces the corners of his lips up and his gaze forward.
The shutter sound effect slices the silence in the apartment, as if sealing fate.
Standing in the bathroom swiping furiously back and forth between the two pictures, Jayce decides this is as good as it’s going to get. He won’t magically look better if he takes dozens of photos. This is how he looks right now and Viktor is waiting for his reply and he’s going to take this chance, dammit.
Jayce shuts the bathroom light off and shuffles back to bed. Laying on his back, he opens the conversation with Viktor and begins typing his reply.
Thanks for writing back. Yes, I have seen your pics. You’re stunning. Although I wouldn’t mind a picture of your face.
Careful consideration goes into answering the “what are you looking for” question. His honest answer to what he is looking for specifically from Viktor would be marriage. The more palatable answer would be, “yes, ideally I want to pursue a romantic and sexual relationship with you.” The “safe” answer would be, “let’s see where this goes.” Jayce goes for the goldilocks option.
I would prefer a romantic relationship along with the sexual/feedee stuff. I am a lover boy, lol. What are you looking for?
And because he is feeling brave, he attaches the second selfie he took, the one with his shirt lifted to expose his biggest insecurity.
He presses send.
Jayce prepares to deal with crippling anxiety for another 11 hours while he waits for Viktor to reply, if he even will this time. It would be way, way worse for Viktor to ghost after this message. He’s seen Jayce. A lack of reply now would be a direct rejection of him.
A beer sounds good. Alcohol is a downer, it’ll calm his anxiety. Jayce reluctantly leaves his phone on the bed while he hauls himself up for the quick trip to the kitchen.
He’s swallowing a big swig from the can when he enters his room and sees the screen of his phone lit. Jayce’s eyes widen and he rushes forward, clumsily setting the can on his nightstand and crawling into bed to check the notification, Viktor's reply.
You are quite handsome. Just my type. A romantic relationship would be ideal for me as well, if we are a good fit.
What did Jayce do to deserve this? He could cry. But before he has time to, a new message comes through.
A photo of Viktor’s face.
Over the years, Jayce has kept his crush’s beautiful features burned into his mind, but he has not had the chance to really admire them as Viktor does not post pictures with his face on Tumblr and Jayce can no longer find him on other social media websites where he would.
The photo exceeds even his grandiose expectations. Viktor is laying in bed, the photo presumably just taken, Jayce can only hope. Just for him. His wavy hair is settled around his face like a halo. His skin is so pale, almost white. Cheeks gaunt. His lips in a smirk that still manages to look friendly, warm. The familiar beauty marks under his eye and above his lip. And those eyes. Jayce gasps. Viktor’s eyes are the shade of amber. Opened wide, staring into the camera sweetly.
You’re gorgeous.
He sends the message before he can stop his clumsy fingers, kicking himself afterward for how fucking quick he replied. Stupid, stupid. Desperate. Pathetic.
Jayce’s head swims, dizzy from the whiplash of Viktor saying he’s interested, seeing his breath-taking face, and then his gnawing anxiety and insecurity. He doesn’t have much time to settle, either, because Viktor messages back.
Thank you 🙂
Oh, fuck. Jayce’s cheeks burn. He truly can’t believe this is happening. He’s typing another slew of questions to keep Viktor’s interest when he receives another message.
Can you tell me more about you?
The two of them end up sending a few more messages back and forth, discussing interests and hobbies. Of course, Jayce isn’t surprised by Viktor’s answers. He knew from Viktor’s previous posts that he’s passionate about activism and politics. That Viktor plays the guitar and sings. He knows from the class they shared in college that Viktor loves science, and that he’s a genius. He learns that Viktor is currently working as a senior software engineer and doing independent research on the side. He’s touched by how open Viktor is with him. He kicks himself for taking this long to reach out. Viktor is kind and sweet and so easy to talk to.
Something inside Jayce sinks at the thought that maybe Viktor is only interested in him now as some fetish. He chooses to ignore it.
He’s filled with disappointment and fondness when he receives the next message:
I’m gonna go to bed. You should text me tomorrow. Night 🙂
And then, his phone number.
Suddenly, the screen is blurry. Too blurry to re-read the message a dozen times like he wants to. Because hot tears have welled up in Jayce’s eyes. A choked wale escapes his lips and he covers his face with both hands as sobs wrack his body. The relief after years of anticipation, anxiety, self-deprecation, is euphoric. He is so affected. He imagines Viktor cozying up under the covers at his place, mildly entertained but nowhere near as wrecked as Jayce is right now.
Jayce has to desperately restrain himself from texting Viktor at 5 in the morning. He has to allow the man some time to get up and start his day.
Finally, on his first break around 10:30 am, he presses send with his trembling thumb.
10:33 AM Jayce:
Good morning, beautiful.
This is rubixcube97. My name is Jayce, by the way.
10:37 AM Viktor:
Hi :) I'm Viktor. Sleep well?
10:37 AM Jayce:
Honestly? It was hard to get to sleep. I'm so excited that we're talking.
Ugh. Stupid, stupid.
10:39 AM Viktor:
Im blushing, Jayce.
Oh. Okay. That's a good sign.
10:40 AM Jayce:
How's software engineering going?
Was that awkward? Fuck. Probably.
10:43 AM Viktor:
Work is fine. Same old. And you?
10:43 AM Jayce:
My job has been unfulfilling for a while. Im there now, ughhh
10:46 AM Viktor:
What is your dream job?
10:46 AM Jayce:
Wow… I haven’t thought about that in a while. I guess it would be doing medical research of my choosing. Right now I’m just working in the lab.
Jayce shoves his phone in his pocket so he can reluctantly get back to work. He’s never had a more difficult time focusing. He wonders why he didn’t call off sick today, the first day he gets to text with Viktor.
By the time his shift is coming to an end at 3 PM, he’s practically foaming at the mouth for his phone. He clocks out, hastily washes his hands and unlocks his phone on the walk to his car in the hospital’s parking garage.
10:59 AM Viktor:
Maybe you would enjoy a career change. There is always a choice.
The privacy of Jayce’s SUV is so welcome after his day surrounded by other staff, unable to truly enjoy this conversation with Viktor.
3:07 PM Jayce:
When do you finish work today?
5:10 PM Viktor:
I am done now. I just got home. You?
Jayce is laying in bed in his boxer-briefs and a tee shirt, covers pulled up to his chin, when the text alert shows up at the top of his phone screen. He clicks out of tik-tok and immediately clicks on the alert. Jayce’s thumbs hover over the keyboard, his heart pounding a mile a minute.
5:11 PM Jayce:
Can I call you
A gasp tears through Jayce’s throat when his phone starts ringing, “Viktor <3” flashing on the screen with “call incoming.”
“Hi, Viktor.”
“Hello.”
His sweet little voice makes Jayce melt. Jayce chuckles softly from the rush of giddiness, practically lightheaded. Viktor sounds reserved, though. The hushed tone and slight tremor in his voice indicate his anxiety.
Jayce realizes he is anxious, too, when he wonders what the actual fuck he should say next. He’s dreamt of this moment for almost a decade and now he has no clue what to even say.
“I’m nervous,” he finally admits.
Viktor laughs softly. “I am nervous too. I have been single for.. A long time.”
“How long?” Jayce swallows the lump in his throat, burying his toxic, possessive nature.
“You must promise you won’t laugh.”
“God, Viktor,” Jayce lets out a choked sigh. “I would never laugh at you.”
There’s a short pause. Then, in a small voice, Viktor answers: “Around nine years.”
Fuck. This whole time. Jayce squeezes his free hand in a fist, so hard his knuckles are white. He imagines all the wasted time, wonders what could have been, if Viktor would have even been interested if it weren’t for the whole feedee thing.
Jayce realizes he hasn’t responded when he hears Viktor’s voice from the other end, even more hesitant this time. “...Jayce?”
“Sorry! God, sorry. I… I’ve been single for around 3 years now.”
“And how about, eh.. being a feedee? Have you done it before?”
“Okay, uh..” Jayce laughs shakily. “Now it's your turn to promise you won't laugh.”
“Okay.”
“I've.. never done anything like it before. That post you reblogged? That's the first time in my life I've seen someone built like me looked at as attractive. Well.. I guess, built like me.. now. This is the heaviest I’ve ever been. And you're the only person who's seen me shirtless.. looking like this.” Jayce takes a deep breath. “Wow, that was a lot. You still with me, Vik?” His face burns. He's about to start hyperventilating, kicking himself for oversharing, for already giving Viktor a nickname one day in, for being too much.
“Yes, I'm here.”
But Viktor's voice brings him back to earth.
“It seems your self confidence is lacking.”
“Yeah.”
Viktor hums quietly, patiently.
“I'm kind of hoping that.. it will help with that, doing this kink stuff” with you, he doesn't say. He's already astounded by how easy it is to talk with Viktor about his weight without feeling the gnawing shame he usually would.
“May I share my thoughts, sweetheart?”
Jayce swoons, croaks, “Yeah.”
“I used to hate my looks. I have become more confident in time. I understand that feeling.”
It's a fucking travesty, Viktor ever thinking he isn't absolutely perfect.
“Jayce, you look.. incredible. I meant it when I said you are just my type.”
Jayce draws in a sharp breath. Warmth pools at his groin.
“How so?”
A low, breathy chuckle from Viktor sends chills down Jayce's spine and blood to his cock.
“Well, of course, you are very handsome. Your beard looks sexy on you.”
Jayce palms his cock as he listens.
“Your arms are strong. Built. Your skin tone is beautiful.”
“Yeah?” Jayce whimpers. Viktor mentioning features unrelated to the kink makes him absolutely melt. He is smitten.
“And of course, I very much enjoy your belly. Does my saying so make you uncomfortable, Jayce?”
God, his name rolling off Viktor's tongue sounds fucking heavenly.
“No,” he moans into the phone. “No, please keep going.”
He hears a low groan from Viktor's end and rubs at his clothed cock in response.
“If we were to meet in person, I would not be able to keep my hands off of you.”
“Please…”
“You would enjoy that, Jayce? I would very much like to sit in your lap as I feed you. Feel you bloat against me. Allow you to lay back and eat as much as you please. I would take good care of you.”
“Fuck, Viktor.” What the fuck is happening? “Can I touch myself? I wanna jack off, please. ‘S too much..”
“Yes, darling. Take what you need.”
“Holy shit…”
“Are you? Holding your cock?”
Jayce whines and thrashes against the mattress. “Yes.”
“Good job, angel. Indulge. You deserve it.”
Jayce groans loudly and rubs his cock furiously. He hastily shoves down his boxers to get better access, desperately keeping the phone to his ear to hear Viktor's sweet sounds.
“You sound so sexy. Holy fuck.”
“Soon, you will not have to do this yourself. I will be there to swallow your cock. To feed you. To rub your belly. To worship.”
“You'd like that?” Jayce asks, pleads.
Viktor groans again, a deep, breathy sound that makes Jayce's whole body tingle. “Yes. I would love to get my hands on you. I have only seen one photo but it.. it makes me very excited.”
“Mph…”
“I got hard when you sent it.”
“Fuck! Viktor, you're gonna make me cum,” Jayce sobs.
“Yes. Let it happen. Shoot your load on your beautiful gut for me, angel.”
The cry that rips from Jayce's throat sounds depraved. His back arches off the bed, warm liquid painting his chest and belly half-covered by his shirt. He hyperventilates, comes back to earth, then laughs deliriously. Several tissues from the tissue box on Jayce's nightstand are used to hastily sop up the cum from his hand and body.
“How was that, Jayce?”
“I, uh.. I like it so far. The kink.”
“I like you so far.” There's a smile in Viktor's voice, a warmth and steady rhythm, like personalized ASMR. Jayce wants to hear him forever.
“God, Vik, I like you so much.” He blinks back the burning at the corners of his eyes. It takes serious restraint to not drop the L word. He reminds himself that to Viktor, this has only been going on for a few days. He already feels so comfortable speaking with Viktor. So much so, in fact, that- "I can send you more pictures, if you want."