Chapter Text
Azumane Asahi. Tokyo, April 2024.
Make another excuse, another stupid reason. Well good luck, babe !
You’d have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.
Ah, fuck. How did this happen ?
While his three high school friends were enjoying the gentle spring afternoon with a drink, Asahi was staring nervously at his phone screen, tightening his grip on the untouched beer.
"Everything good, Asahi ?" Kyoko slightly frowned, sipping her strawberry lemonade
Asahi slowly looked up, then blinked slowly before finally dropping the news.
"I uh… I might have won tickets for the Olympics."
Suga, Daichi and Kyoko all let down their glasses at the same time, which made for a quite comical bang on their metal table. Unsurprisingly, Daichi was the first one to react after a few seconds of awkward silence.
"The Olympic Games," He started with an alarmed frown on his face "As in the ones happening this year ? In Paris ?"
Asahi nodded silently. Suga burst into a mocking laugh, soon followed by Kyoko’s sweet giggle.
"How did this even happened ?" She asked
Suga shot Asahi a teasing glance and crossed his arms over his chest, Asahi’s usual warning sign that his best friend was about to bully him.
"Oh, yes Asahi." He said with a feigned curiosity, passing a hand through his silver hair "Please tell us how this happened."
The little shit , Asahi thought to himself. It was on him, though. He had decided to tell his best friend how he had registered for a stupid singing contest during a particularly drunk after work in hopes of winning Olympic Games tickets. Which, against all odds, was not the humiliating part. No, what both Suga and him knew was that Asahi did this very stupid thing because he knew Nishinoya Yuu, ever the wild wanderer, would go to Paris this summer. Where the Olympic Games would be held this year. And, yes. He was this desperate for an excuse to see him.
"My company had this contest-" He tried to make it simple, if not less miserable "You know I work for a japanese-french brand, right ?"
Everyone nodded, visibly invested in Asahi’s professional life.
"Well " He went on "They did a karaoke after-work thing. And they were offering places for the Olympics to the best singer."
"And you won ?" Sawamura asked, absolutely baffled by this turn of events
"Is this the most strange part for you ?" Kyoko retorted with genuine amazement in her voice "Asahi you sang in public ? To win places for a global event across the world ?"
The latter’s lips pursed as he nodded slowly. For his defence, he had been truly drunk.
"I think that is the most out of character thing I ever witnessed you doing ." Kyoko claimed "What is happening to you ? I mean, why did you even attempt this ?"
"Oh, yes." Suga approved with an insufferable smile "Why did you even do it, Asahi ?"
Kyoko, taking the hint that Suga knew something that she did not, stared accusingly at Asahi. Ah, he was truly going to make him say it.
"Because I was drunk" He let out , "Because I knew Nishinoya was going to be in France this summer and uh- Yeah."
Everyone’s amused spark faded into apologetic smiles. Well, except for Suga. He was properly proud of himself.
"Oh honey ." Kyoko put a hand on his shoulder
"Do not pity him " Suga shook his head no in disapproval, "He brought this onto himself."
Asahi crossed his arms in front of his chest. Well, he sort of did. But that was still harsh, even for Suga. The latter realized it and eventually stroked his back with an apologetic smile.
"I’m just saying that only you would go to such lengths and detours to spend time with the guy you like instead of simply asking him out." He sighed
And he was right. Not only did he search for these ridiculous excuses instead of being earnest, but he had been doing this for years. Almost ten years, in fact.
"You will have to tell him eventually, Asahi."
Daichi had told this with the concerned gentleness of a friend who has been told about the same struggle for too long. The thought of it alone made Asahi’s stomach turn with more anxiety than he could handle.
"We are almost thirty-" Daichi went on
All three others cut him with a collective groan of despair, which made him roll his eyes up.
"Please do not say it ." Kyoko put a dismissive hand in front of him "Can you just say we are twenty-eight ?"
Asahi shook his head no. "I’m not sure that’s any better, Kyoko."
She sighed with her face in her hands. Asahi thought she was the last that could complain, since her perfect porcelain face still looked eighteen. On the other hand, he had more bags under his eyes than they would ever accept in a business class flight, had lost most of his athletic shape and could not remember the last time he had properly trimmed his hair.
"What I am saying is ," Daichi tried to finish his point, "Life is going to pass you by !"
"Thank you Daichi ," Asahi’s voice slightly faltered in a panicked chuckle, "What a terrifying thing to say."
Suga chuckled, more apologetic than mocking. "Maybe you need to be terrified, Asahi."
But he was. Actually, he was terrified of many, many things. Kyoko took a final sip of her drink, trying carefully not to smear her lipgloss on the green tinted glass. She lifted up her gaze to Asahi before trying yet again to reason with him.
"Daichi’s kind of right, though. You can’t keep waiting for it to happen, Asahi."
He would have loved to know exactly how he was supposed to do that. He would have loved them to focus on the Paris part rather than on the unresolved feelings part. But alas, they were his oldest friends.
"And if you truly can’t tell him ," She concluded, "Then you should move on, or at least try to !"
Asahi’s eyes widened. How does one move on from Nishinoya Yuu ? His heart had been caught by his teammate when he was barely seventeen, and it had not been returned ever since. Every time they would see each other again on vacation, he would feel it sitting there, beating comfortably into Nishinoya’s unknowing hands. It was only fair that he tried to see him as often as possible. Whether it was in Rome, Sidney or Cairo, wherever Nishinoya went his heart always followed. The feeling never stopped.
"None of you have the right to tell me to move on from my highschool crush." He claimed with a vexed frown
Saying it out loud made it all so much worst. He was almost thirty, employed and vaccinated, with a driver's license and a right to vote, yet still had feelings for his highschool crush. His bloody highschool crush.
"You have married him ," He pointed at Kyoko before pointing at the two others, "And you two have been together since year two !"
"Fair enough." Daichi let out
"At least we did something about it" Suga retorted
Asahi sipped his drink in a defeated silence. There was no reason to argue when he knew perfectly they were right. It made it all the more pathetic, really.
"So are you actually going to Paris then ? ” Kyoko asked with an everlasting diplomacy
"I am ." Asahi smiled quite nervously, "Well I- I was hoping you would all come along. I actually have four tickets for the volleyball men’s semi finals and finals."
Suga’s face beamed as he put both his hands on the table.
"Four ?" He repeated "For the four of us ?"
Asahi’s heart was warmed by his best friend’s excitement.
"For the four of us, if- If you will join me." He invited in a stutter
Kyoko clapped her hands with an adorable smile.
"Oh my- Paris ? Really, Asahi ?"
The latter showed her the screenshot of his company’s winner announcement email. In the picture, he was smiling awkwardly. Kyoko chuckled and looked at the others with wide excited eyes.
"I think a group trip is exactly what we need !" Daichi grinned
"I know, right ? " Asahi was so relieved to have successfully changed the subject
"I just realized we have been friends for almost half our lives ," Suga let out, "And have never truly traveled all together."
Every one pondered for a while. Half their lives, uh ?
"Paris is grand start, right ?" Asahi suggested
"Sure," Kyoko nodded "But can we all collectively agree to stop saying horrifyingly deep things about the inevitable passing of time ?"
Suga nodded and laughed it off. As crazy as it sounded, Asahi was probably the least scared of realising how much time had passed. The fact that they had been friends for so long felt more reassuring than anything. The four of them, their friendship that had survived even after the end of high school, this was everything to him. They were his anchor. Like something he would trust never to break away even in the toughest of storms.
Their carefully planned monthly afternoon meet up turned into a chaotic night out of drinking much more than planned, while actually trying to plan their trip to France.
"I hope the french speak good english ," Asahi commented, "Because my french classes are way too far away for me to be a reliable interpreter."
"I’m sorry ," Daichi had a tipsy chuckle, "Your what classes ?"
"You took french ?" Kyoko asked as well
Asahi had an embarrassed little laugh and scratched the base of his neck as he reminded them both of his questionable educational choices.
"I did, for the entirety of high school."
"Don’t you use it still, in the fashion industry ?" Daichi assumed, "It’s a very french industry is it not ?"
"Well, that’s the problem ," Asahi explained, "Being able to translate different kind of fabrics is not going to help us find our way in the metro."
"Hm ." Daichi had a disappointed pout
"I will try my best, though !" Asahi promised
"Of course you will ." Kyoko smiled
That night, after catching the last metro before midnight, Asahi got out his phone to text Nishinoya. But he only stared at his screen until it went dark. How exactly was he going to announce that ? Most of the time, it had been Nishinoya inviting him to join in his travels. Asahi realized, maybe a little too late, that it was only fair enough that he took the initiative of the time they spent together.
[ Hi ! ]
He wondered what time it was supposed to be in Iceland. It was earlier, that was for sure. Six hours earlier, if he recalled correctly. For the recent years, this little math had became a sweet routine for Asahi. Nishinoya was so often jumping between every time zone in the world. But Asahi always texted him from the same continent, the same country, the same capital. He did not mind, though. He had always been better at calculus than Nishinoya.
[ Hello you :) ]
[ Meet my new friends ]
Asahi received a picture of Nishinoya posing next to ridiculously small fluffy horses. He was all wrapped up in a dark blue windcoat and two scarves, one white and the other bright orange. His hair, which he now wore down more often than not, was hidden under a blue beanie. His cheeks and nose were reddened by the wind, but his smile was still radiant.
[ Looking very friendly indeed ] Asahi commented
[ how are you ? ] Nishinoya asked
[ DUDE i thought we agreed!!! i send a picture, u send one back :( ]
Asahi sighed with a faint smile. They did agree on that. He even promised. But half of the time, Nishinoya would send pictures of him doing incredible stuff. And Asahi would just send quick selfies at the office, or sewing, or having a coffee.
[ I’m good ]
[ Are you? ] He texted before he sent the picture that Kyoko took of the four of them at the bar
[ i’m good! ]
[ your friends look way less cool than mine ]
[ sorry to break it to you, hope u had fun still ;) ]
Asahi chuckled out loud on his seat, before he checked if he did not accidentally miss his stop. As he often did when texting Nishinoya after work.
[ You’re not sorry ]
[ And it was a lot of fun! ] He answered before announcing the news
[ Actually… ]
Asahi kept his thumb hesitatingly pressed on the typing bar of his text app for a few seconds before typing.
[ I won tickets for the Olympics! We're seeing volleyball games in Paris ! ]
[ We’re all going this summer! ]
[ omg ]
[ OH MY GOD ]
[ you are coming to Paris this summer???? ]
Asahi’s heart warmed up with the amount of enthusiasm Nishinoya expressed. This was exactly the reaction he was hoping to get from him, and it felt so good to get it. His stupid plans might be pathetic, but at least they worked.
[ I am! ] He answered
[ Asahi!!! ]
[ I’ll be there too!! ]
[ in Paris!! ]
[ I know you will be ] Asahi immediately answered
[ That’s why I’m telling you! ]
[ I want to see you ]
Realizing this was his stop, he jumped off his seat and got out the train right before the doors closed. He walked quickly to his flat, showered and crashed into bed where he opened his phone again and saw that Nishinoya had answer after a little while :
[ I want to see you too Asahi ]
[ I miss you ]
Asahi felt his heart jump into his chest. ‘I miss you more’- He typed before deleting ‘I miss you too so much’- He deleted it again
[ Me too! ] He ended up sending
[ We’ll see each others in the summer, then? ]
[ we definitely will ;) ] Asahi read this like an oath
[ That’s good to know :) ] He answered with all the honesty he could manage
[ it is, isn’t it? ]
Asahi smiled by himself, his face only lit by the blue light of his screen. He turned over and pressed the right side of his face to his silk pillowcase.
[ It truly is ] He sent before texting him goodnight.
When he woke up to the annoying tune of his phone’s alarm clock, he immediately saw that Daichi had sent them a link to a shared Excel sheet containing their flight, hotel, budget and activities planned. He had a little laugh of disbelief as he headed to his tiny american-styled kitchen and made his first coffee, with an ungodly amount of sugar and milk. He took the time to appreciate that he was working from home today, blasting alternative rock on his speakers while touching up designs on his drawing tablet.
He got Suga’s call while he was eating his reheated curry leftovers.
"Hi there, how are you ?" Asahi greeted his best friend, trying to ignore the overwhelming background noise of children screaming coming from his phone
“Japan has qualified for the Olympics ! ” He immediately announced, not even bothering to answer “ And guess who’s in the team ? ”
Asahi chuckled, knowing right away he was talking about the volleyball qualifications.
"Enlighten me." He asked amusingly
“Hold on… ” Suga paused before reciting “Okay, those are some guys we don’t know… There it is ! ”
Asahi patiently waited until his best friend started again.
“Ushijima Wakatoshi ”
"Damn." Asahi gasped, "We played against an Olympian."
“Wait wait wait ! ” Suga laughed “It gets better ! ”
Asahi spinned excitingly on his desk chair while Suga kept listing :
“Morisuke Yaku ”
"We played against two Olympians !" Asahi exclaimed
“Bokuto Kotaro ” He kept listing before adding “ Don’t say it again”
Asahi burst into a laugh as he realized three members of his highschool rival teams were now nothing less than National Players.
“We also got Kiyoomi Sakusa, Korai Hoshiumi, and… ”
His voice lingered teasingly.
"And ?" Asahi asked with anticipation
“Hinata Shoyo and Kageyama Tobio ”
Asahi’s jaw dropped. It had been quite some time since he had not checked on his old teammates.
"Oh my god ," He let out, "Our Hinata and Kageyama ?"
“Those ones exactly ! ”
"Is it normal that I’m proud ?" Asahi blurted out, "Like- I am so proud of them. Is that normal ?"
“I am prouder than their mother could ever be ” Suga approved very seriously
Asahi started to giggle and nodded although his best friend could not see him over the phone.
"Ah ," Asahi sighed happily, "This is truly going to be incredible. I hope they make it to the semi finals ! "
“They will ! ” Suga claimed “With Hinata and Kageyama, they can only win ”
A wave of visual memories hit Asahi, wrapping him into the sweetest nostalgia. He remembered the adrenaline of seeing Hinata fly, and thinking how good of an ace he could be. He remembered the relief of seeing him and Kageyama get along despite their first… difficulties. He remembered the irrefutable chemistry they both had on the court. He remembered the ecstasy of winning together. He missed it.
"They will ." he approved pensively
“Ah sorry- ” Suga suddenly interrupted their call “Got to get back to class ”
Asahi was about to confusedly retort when he recalled that his twenty-eight years old best friend, an elementary school teacher, had to get back to teaching class.
He went back to work until he received Nishinoya’s picture of the day. This time, his ex-teammate was bathing in Iceland’s Blue Lagoon, waist deep into milky blue water that seemed hot enough to steam all around him. He had nothing on but his gleaming smile. Asahi’s eyes lingered on his arms, his chest and his dripping wet hair. He wished he could say the attraction he felt towards him was shameless, but it was not really. What was wrong with him ? A lot, apparently. How could a normally composed human being feel such strong things towards someone and never, not even in a decade, tell them ? He groaned and rested his front against his palms. Well, he still needed to keep his promise.
[ Working on a project ] He wrote next to the selfie of him behind his sewing machine
[ ooooh!! ] He immediately received as an answer
[ what is it? ]
[ A surprise ! ] Asahi took great pleasure in answering that. Nishinoya had the exact reaction he had expected.
[ omg ]
[ good job Asahi, now I want to know SO BAD ]
[ tell me ! ]
[ Alas ]
[ It has to stay a surprise ] Asahi denied
He received another picture, of Nishinoya pouting on a bus with barely dried hair.
[ Yeah, that is not going to work ] Asahi texted despite the endearing picture
[ you are ruthless. ] Nishinoya answered
[ but okay ]
Asahi chuckled before he read the next text that appeared on his screen.
[ I will wait, if I know how long I have to ]
His heart dropped. He read it, then re read it again. The words rang inside his own head. He knew Nishinoya was only talking about this stupid surprise project. Yet, that sentence held such a bitter relevance regarding Asahi’s feelings.
In the end, it was not the fact that those feelings were most likely unrequited that scared him the most. No, not anymore. Now, what petrified him to the point of nausea was the terrifying, faint possibility that Nishinoya had shared them at some point before he simply moved on. Asahi might have simply missed his chance by making Nishinoya wait for too long in ambiguous shy glances and polite affection. Rejection was scary. But what he knew for sure would kill him was to be the own architect of his heartbreak. This irrepressible fear, only fed by his own self-depreciating imagination, was always at war with the comfort of waiting. The comfort of avoiding what would certainly be a painfully awkward conversion. The comfort of having his feelings safe within his own head. Although right now, the irrepressible fear seemed stronger than any comfort he might temporarily gain.
He read the text again, but his heart would not stop swelling with anxiety. He needed to tell him. At least, he needed to tell him how much more he had to wait. To his heart this was not about his surprise project, not anymore. He sent the text with trembling hands.
[ Until Paris ? ]
[ until Paris. ]
Asahi breathed out. This meant two things. First, the jacket he was putting together for Nishinoya Yuu needed to be done by the time they would meet again in Paris. Second (and most alarming) his feelings for Nishinoya Yuu needed to be confessed when they would meet again in Paris.
Ah, fuck . How did this happen ?