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Pure Vanilla Cookie
Shadow Milk Cookie has been foolish, yet again. What in the name of Butter Roll Cookie was he thinking? Making the entire Vanilla kingdom believe that they were in love and needed to have…intimate time with him was not on today’s agenda. And now, I must clean up the large mess spread as far as the eye can see. Surely a king, especially one so truthful and esteemed, should not be forced to clean up messes that one’s sworn enemy makes. Something must change.
Shadow Milk Cookie
That dumb fuck who has a traffic-cone looking thing on his head has to clean up the cum that drenches the streets after I fucked every single one of the townspeople. How have I not been elected to run this shitty place yet? I would make this a wayyyy better place. However, there is one issue that keeps popping up. How am I supposed to be an all-powerful ruler with total control over the people who live there when some Vanilla cookie is ruining it?? Vanilla is objectively the worst flavor - it’s so boooooooring. His triangle-head lookin ass really thinks that he can come in here with his shitty bangs and just rule a whole kingdom?
HA! I taught him. Forget his bangs, I banged all of THEM instead. Anyway, this loser just showed up at my epic…SPIRE OF DECEIT *Insert sick guitar solo* and was all like “Oh, dearest Shadow Milk, it shall be most indubitable that you learn to appreciate morality and it seems that that responsibility has fallen to thyself” or whatever. Basically, Piss Boy thinks he's better than me and is gonna teach me how to be a “good person.”... I think. He always uses such big words. He thinks it makes him sound smart.
Anyway, after giving it a good think, I decided to humor the guy. He seemed really invested in whatever he was trying to do, and it would be absolutely hilarious to watch him fail miserably. Maybe pretending to become all pretentious and shit will be a way to earn Piss Boy's trust so I can fuck him over even more. It's a win-win!
Pure Vanilla Cookie
I simply cannot believe I can say this, but I do believe that Shadow Milk is improving. He seems to be very interested in everything I am trying to teach him. However, I am suspicious. He has never been so complacent before. If my past self could see what was happening today, he would be incredulous. While I do not trust Shadow Milk, I am cautiously optimistic that my lessons may be working. To add to my suspicion, not only is he seemingly interested, but he's grown on me a bit. Although there's much room for improvement, Shadow Milk is rather…funny. I cannot believe what is happening, but I can't deny the smallest drop of affection for him. Perhaps this is another one of his mind games that I have fallen victim to yet again, but I must press on just in case he may be genuine this time.
Shadow Milk Cookie
What the FUCK is happening. Being in “lessons” with pure vanilla has actually been… informative??? Maybe it’s just my inner thirst for knowledge talking, but the ethical dilemmas that Ballnilla has been throwing at me have been… interesting food for thought. They definitely haven’t been keeping me up at night rethinking all of my actions and life choices to date. DEFINITELY NOT!!!! The other day, I was trying to torture some cookies and I was about to show them their favorite person dying over and over again in their arms (womp womp) when I suddenly heard Ballnilla’s voice in my head. “Shadow Milk Cookie, perhaps they do not want to see such sadness. Would you want to be treated this way?” and I stopped for a moment and thought about it. Obviously I went and did it anyway, but that was a crazy brain fart. But, y’know, obviously I’m still hilarious and evil. Super duper evil. Super duper looper pooper scooper cooper EVILLLLLLL. Right?
Pure Vanilla Cookie
Shadow Milk has taken to calling me “Ballnilla.” Why? I do not know. It’s rather vulgar. Do I resemble male genitalia? I don’t think I do, but perhaps it’s time to reconsider.
TIMESKIP: 4 MONTHS
Shadow Milk Cookie
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Ballnilla has won me over. All his grandiose words about the morals of cookies and the value of life have really rubbed off on me, even if they are a fat bummer a lot of the time. Being a good cookie is lame as hell, but it’s a bit less lame to see the way that that stupid silly vanilly’s face lights up whenever I do something nice. Just yesterday, I made him breakfast without even being asked. And I didn’t even poison it this time!!! He smiled at me and said I was “improving so fast”. I hate to say it, but those words made me feel a strange kind of joy stirring somewhere in the depths of my heart. Did I really seek his validation? I wish I could say that I didn’t, but… maybe I really am changing.
Candy Apple Cookie
I’m actually gonna murder Pure Vanilla cookie for STEALING AWAY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. My soulmate, my forever, is now living with that twink. Pure Vanilla cookie didn’t even ask, he just moved right on in and started teaching my darling Shadow Milk all about ethics. He doesn't need ethics, he needs ME! There is an indescribable amount of rage burning in my everlasting soul jam.
Shadow Milk Cookie
Candy Apple Cookie keeps barging in on my lessons with Pure Vanilla. She just randomly shows up during the day and starts punching my silly- I mean Ballnilla. Obviously I stop her quickly, but I always laugh at his grunts of pain from her tiny, high-pitched voice screaming in his ear. I have no idea what she’s even saying half the time. Speaking of grunts of pain, I’ve been happy to note that the evil side of me has seemingly been returning. Every time I hear my- errr… BALLnilla in pain, something inside of me perks up at the sound. Experiencing joy at the expense of other cookies is SUPER evil, right?? RIGHT??? Why, just the other day, Pure Vanilla got a wicked paper cut and let out a groan of pain and annoyance. For some reason, (the evil still lurking inside of me, maybe?) this sound was music to my ears, and the next day, I brought in enough loose leaf paper to fill up the vaulted room, just to hear him make that noise again. I made myself look like a potted plant and listened in on silly ballnilla’s struggle to gather the papers. The joy it brought me was a bit of a new feeling than I had experienced before, but it wasn’t unpleasant. I don’t know why, but when I returned to looking like a cookie, I was flushed and electrified.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
After cleaning up the mountain of paper that Shadow Milk threw in here (all of them had the word fuck on them for some reason), Shadow Milk approached me from wherever he had gone. He looked crestfallen.
“Shadow Milk, what happened?”
“I…I’m not good anymore. You’re lessons arent working. I’m a bad person. You should…you should just give up on me. I’m not worth it.”
“What? What ever do you mean? You’ve made wonderful progress. Is this because of this whole paper prank? I don’t mind a little prank every now and then!”
“No…no. I only made that big mess because…I enjoyed hearing you in pain. All of your grunts and groans made me warm and happy. I love spending time with you and working on our lessons, but I always get nervous around you, and what you think of me. I’m not a nervous person, so you must be disappointed in me constantly. I’m a horrible person. You should leave before I taint you with evilness too.“
I was perplexed. On one hand, it sounded like Shadow Milk enjoyed my presence, as I do him, but on the other, he believes he has returned to evil.
“I don't think you’re evil at all. Why, I think that you’ve made astounding progress. You should be proud.”
Shadow Milk turns bright indigo and looks at the floor. He tucks his bangs behind his ear and- WAIT. HOLD ON. I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. I stare at him in shock.
“Shmilky…do you..have a crush? On me, I mean?”
“What - uh - uh nope no definitely not dont even know what that is um why would you even ask that haha obviously not-”
I silenced him with a kiss. His mouth opened for me with ease, like he had been waiting for me for months. My tongue slid against his, my hands tangled in his frosting. He tasted delicious, like blueberry milk. By the time I pulled away, I was out of breath. I hadn’t necessarily intended to kiss him so suddenly, but the feelings that I myself had been denying for so long had demanded it.
“Do you… want to go have a more… private lesson?” I said huskily. His eyes told me all I needed to know.
Shadow Milk Cookie
I had NOT been expecting that oh so silly pure vanilla to actually kiss me, but GYATT DAMN did it feel good when he did. Forget all of this “trying to be a good person” shit, I’m going to ROCK his shit SO HARD. He really went for it too. For all his talk about being “gentle” and “kind”, man does he know how to kiss. I was practically against the wall by the time he had his tongue out of my throat, and the vanilla scent would probably linger in my frosting for a week. When he propositioned me, I decided that I would have to give him a very special taste of what I had to offer in return.
When we got to my secret sex dungeon, my silly vanilly was amazed. I had been a little nervous bringing him here- after all, good cookies don’t have sex dungeons- but he had seemed fine with it and that had returned a bit more of my self-confidence. I guess maybe I wasn’t a bad cookie, I was just a little bit… in love? BUT THIS ISN’T ABOUT THAT HAHAHH aurmmm… shit. I gave my silly vanilly the grand tour, showing him my multitude of kinky torture devices and sex toys.
I opened my closet and rifled through, throwing just about everything over my shoulder at Silly Vanilly. When I finished grabbing everything we would need, I turned to him with a grin on my face. “This is gonna be fun.”
I grabbed my fuzzy handcuffs and threw him on the bed. I secured him to the headboard and sat back to look at my high-and-mighty mentor writhing desperately below me. I slowly took off his hat, his robes, everything until he was stripped bare beneath me. I watched him grow impatient - it would make the result even more satisfying. I began stripping as well, going as slow as I could manage. I was desperate for action, but I made myself wait just a little longer. At this point, both of us were panting and staring at each other’s bodies. I slowly dragged my gaze up and down him, lingering on the parts I hadn’t gotten to see before now. He was beautiful. And at my mercy.
I descended upon him quickly, and kissed him hard. He responded eagerly, and I could feel his body beneath me, desperate for friction like I was too. He groaned into my mouth and I shushed him gently. I began trailing my kisses down him - his chin, his neck, his chest, his chest again because GOD DAMN, and kept going lower until I got to where I really wanted to go. I quickly took his cock in my mouth, and shuddered at how big and hard he was. I was in complete control as he began thrusting desperately. Unfortunately for him, he didnt have much to brace himself against. I could tell he needed more, but I wanted to make this last. However, that fucker went and ruined it. His vanilla extract filled my mouth as he moaned loudly. I choked on the delicious taste and, while staring in his eyes, swallowed. He blushed even more, which I didn't think was possible. I was definitely enjoying the taste, but was mad that I had been cut short. I still had so many plans.
“Uh uh. You’ve been bad. You weren't supposed to come so early. I’ll need to punish you now.”
The only response from my Silly Vanilly was a pathetic, weak moan. Taking this as my cue, I stood and grabbed my whip from the LARGE pile of sex toys next to me. I slowly licked it, dragging the material across my tongue while making direct eye contact with ‘nilly. As I did so, I slowly allowed my tentacles to unfurl. They were a part of me that I usually kept hidden, but for now they served my purposes. Ignoring my Vanilly’s look of shock, I used my tentacles to wrap around his ankles, pinning them to opposite sides of the bed and leaving his legs spread nice and wide for me. This is where the whip came in. Pure Vanilla’s hardness allowed to me see my target. I smiled wickedly and lashed at the smooth dough that would become my paradise. Vanilla’s cry of pain spurred me on, and as he writhed away from me I whipped him harder, repeatedly striking him until a jagged hole formed from the wound. At this point I could take it no longer. I shoved myself into the newly created hole in desperation, and was rewarded with a whimper from my silly vanilly. The sound almost made me burst right then and there, but I had to hold on. I thrust into him, hard, and found that the hole was a tad bit too large for my liking. Though not-so-pure vanilla seemed to be enjoying this greatly (he writhed under me as though trying to create as much contact as possible with my dough), I needed something more.
“Heal it. Now.” I growled through gritted teeth. Vanilly could barely respond
“Wh- wha… auhhhg… what do you mean?” he managed.
“I mean, heal it. I’m not gonna tell you again.”
He moaned at me, and in a few moments, I felt the empty air tightening around me. I loved seeing Pure Vanilla Cookie, the almighty ruler of the great Vanilla Kingdom, completely undone by me. I felt the gash constricting around me until it was tight - very tight. I threw my head back and moaned loudly. God, he felt good. I’ve had some great sex partners, but none so perfect as him. I continued thrusting until I couldn’t take it any more. I growled aggressively as I felt the milk leaving my body. I saw spots as my orgasm rushed through me and I slumped against Pure Vanilla. I could barely move my shuddering body, and Pure Vanilla appeared to be in a similar state. Although, that might be because he was still handcuffed, and during the orgasm my tentacles had tightened considerably around his legs (which they had been creeping up throughout our little frolick). At this point, they were squeezed so tightly around his skinny thighs that I thought he might crumble. I pulled them back in and uncuffed him. As soon as he could move, he launched himself at me and I fell back onto the bed.
Automatically, I clawed at his back, feeling warm doughy muscles beneath my fingers. Panting and weak, I let out a moan of my own as he bit down hard on my throbbing cock. I had no idea such a righteous ruler could be so violent. The lack of control was really getting to me- I had started this whole thing under the impression that I would do whatever I wanted to him, and here he was with me completely at his mercy. I growled in rage. I flipped him right back around and smiled at him. I could tell he was ready to go again, but I could also tell that he was exhausted. I slowly climbed off him while he looked at me with confusion.
¨where…where are you going?¨ he mumbled through his post-orgasm fog.
¨Oh, I decided you needed a break.¨ He was already falling asleep as he nodded his thanks. I got up off the bed and almost fell on the floor as my legs wobbled. I stumbled to the bathroom and took a cold shower. I knew he needed rest, even if it was torture for me. Ugh. Being a good person sucks. I padded into the kitchen and made him a fresh batch of star jellies. I carried them back into my dungeon and watched him sleep for a minute. He looked so peaceful lying there. I suddenly realized in that moment that I would do just about anything. I quickly woke him up to distract myself from that thought and showed him what I had brought.
¨Here. You…uh..seemed tired and I figured you might be hungry. So, um, youŕe welcome I guess.¨
Ugh. That was so embarrassing. I took the stairs two at a time so I could get away from my humiliating offer. Ï was about to close the door when I heard a soft ¨thank you.¨
Candy Apple Cookie
Shadow milk was NOT hiding anything from me. I could hear his moans from a mile away. They were pretty recognizable (NOT because I had imagined them so much, definitely not). Him and “pure” vanilla had DEFINITELY been getting it on in my dearest milky’s sex dungeon. The heartbreak that this had caused me as I had listened in on them had been almost palpable. (I was NOT gooning do NOT accuse me). I decided that this must stop. My darling Shadow Milk had been succumbing to Pure Vanilla Cookie for long enough. I crept up to the wall and peeked inside the window to find the sources of all the racket, but I didn't see anyone. They must be in the goddamn sex dungeon. I think Pure Vanilla Cookie’s reign over Milky had lasted long enough.
I opened the door with the spare key that Shadow Milk didn’t know I had and banged open the door to his dungeon. “STOP IN THE NAME OF BUTTER ROLL COOKIE!” I squeaked. They both looked up in horror from their positions, which were certainly…creative. Pure Vanilla Cookie was attached to the ceiling shackles and dangling a few inches off the ground, while Shadow Milk was toying with him. I held back my laugh as I saw Pure Vanilla Cookie’s drool running down his face. He turned bright red, all the way down his strangely muscular body. I then turned to Shadow Milk and did the same at his unabashed nudity. Jesus Christ, he was hot.
“Candy Apple? What are you doing here?” Milky asked in a raspy voice. I had never been so turned on in my entire life. Seeing the two naked together was doing some crazy shit to me. “I, uh, shit why am I here again, uh, yes, I am here to put a stop to all of this!”
“Why?” Shadow Milk asked.
“Um…oh, right, because you need to become evil again! Whatever this twink has done to you is all a mind game and you’ve fallen right into his trap!”
“Who, Silly Vanilly? No, he would never play mind games with me. He’s too gentle for that.”
He directed the last bit in Pure Vanilla Cookie’s direction, but I was busy seeing red over that nickname. Silly Vanilly? How dumb. When I looked over at Pure Vanilla Cookie, I saw him winking at Milky while he turned adorably red, and they were both slick with sweat, and oh, what the hell, I want in! It was only because I had to get into Shadow Milk’s head and definitely nothing else.
“How do you know he’s too gentle? I'd better see for myself,” I said quickly while stripping my frosting off. They both gave me weird glances, but I didn’t care. The pair of them together had left me unable to feel anything but desire and lust.
Pure Vanilla had been freed at some point, and they now both walked towards me.
“Are you certain?” Pure Vanilla asked. I only nodded and anticipated what would come next.
Shadow Milk Cookie
Well, this was an interesting development. I can’t say I was upset about it. They say the more the merrier, right? I whisked her right off her feet and carried her over to the couch. “Will you be alright if I don't play with you for a minute?” I asked Silly Vanilly. He looked a little disappointed, but nodded. That was all I needed to descend on her. I kissed her recklessly while on top of her. I needed to make this quick to get back to my only real interest, but I was perfectly fine with having a new toy to play with. I could feel the part in her legs already wet, as I slid myself against the soft folds of her dough. “Pl-please…” she moaned into my mouth. I gave myself, one, two, and finally entered her. She arched her back under me as I tossed out a “shit.” She felt…good. This may be my bisexual awakening, but that was a future-me problem. My mouth left hers as my focus narrowed on our connection. I did a few experimental thrusts before sinking to my hilt. We cried out in a symphony of moans and grunts as I slid in and out of her, over and over again, until I couldn’t hold my weight anymore and fell against her with a gasp. I felt the waves of my orgasm hitting me over and over while Candy Apple shuddered beneath me. I was content to lie there for a while longer, but I heard a “Wanna join?” from underneath me. I looked up to see my Silly Vanilla standing awkwardly in the corner like he wasn’t sure what to do. “Get over here, silly. It’s your turn.” I smiled at him. This was about to be the most fun I’ve had in a long, long time.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
I watched from the corner as Shadow Milk thrust in and out of her repeatedly until they slumped against each other. Dammit, that should be me. Why the fuck is this bitch interrupting my fun? I craved Shadow Milk like a drug, and I was fully addicted. Honestly, I was jealous. Maybe she could offer him what I couldn’t, and he would prefer her. After all, who am I to think I am the only one in his heart? The cacophony of moans was drowned out by my insecurities. All it took for him to completely ignore me was some random cookie demanding to join in? Well, fine. I can tell when I’m not wanted. I made to gather up my clothes and leave when I heard a tiny voice say “wanna join?” I stopped where I stood. Then I heard one of the sexiest things in my entire life: “Get over here, silly. It’s your turn.”
Oh. It's truly a testament to how spellbound I am when I began to walk over without hesitation. I had never had more than one lover before - I wasn’t sure what this would entail. Shmilky gave me a sultry grin before falling to his knees and taking my cock in his mouth. Well, that was fast. However, it didn’t last long before he drew back and gestured for Candy Apple Cookie to take over. The two of them guided me onto the bed and had me lie down on my back. Candy Apple climbed on top of me and lined herself up. I believe Shadow Milk’s earlier show was to function as lube for her, and my god, it worked. She slid onto me with such ease that I groaned at the first contact. She began pumping up and down, and I watched as her breasts bounced with her. I then felt a touch from behind - Shadow Milk had climbed up behind me and was spinning to sit on my chest. I could no longer see Candy Apple, but could feel her tension building. Shadow Milk sat up and said, “Open your mouth for me?” with a vicious grin. After a moment of hazy confusion from my foggy mind, I did as he asked. I could feel his delicious largeness fill my mouth and touch the back of my throat. “Auoishwgksjk,” I gargled as my eyes filled with tears. I could suddenly hear Candy Apple’s loud moans filling the room, and I felt the wetness of her apple juice on me. That sensation triggered my orgasm as well, and I moaned around Shadow Milk. My back arched, and I bit down on him as a reflex, earning me a, “HEY! That hurt! What the fuck was that for?” from above me. “Ughhhh,” I replied in apology.
We had all rolled over and were lying on the bed next to each other while gasping for air. I could feel my sweat gluing my bangs to my forehead.
“Hey, wait a minute, Mil-errrr… Shadow Milk, you never finished. How is that fair?” I heard from my left. “Oh, she’s right. We’re gonna have to fix that,” I said with sudden confidence.
Shadow Milk Cookie
I had been impatiently waiting for my turn, but I was happy to give them what they wanted with nothing in return. The downsides to not being evil I guess.
My Silly Vanilly had seemingly gained a little confidence, which was ridiculously attractive, and sat atop me. Candy Apple Cookie held my arms in place, I suppose to keep me from squirming too much. However, I became very aware of the fact that I could barely move. I tried to wriggle around a little, but I couldn't find purchase.
“Oh, uh, haha, that's alright. I’m perfectly fine. You can stop now,” I said anxiously as my lungs constricted.
“No, we owe it to you!” Candy Apple replied cheerfully. I gasped as I felt my inability to move, my lack of control, threatening to overwhelm me. I wriggled harder against them, trying desperately to gain some kind of freedom. I tried to plead with them, but I was out of oxygen. My heart was pounding, and I could feel myself going a bit lightheaded.
“Hey, are you alright?” I heard a gentle male voice ask. I couldn’t respond, only squirm harder against them. My ears were ringing, but I could make out their lips moving as they tried to speak to me. They suddenly climbed off, and I gasped as much oxygen as I could into my lungs as I sat up. Their looks of confusion and shock skewered me as I stood and ran out.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
Shit. I had never seen Shmilky so scared before. When he ran out of the room, I felt a pang in my heart. Was this my fault? Had I caused another cookie, a cookie whom I had sworn to help no less, pain? Had I harmed the one who had finally made me feel truly alive? I felt a tightness in my chest and warmth pricked my eyecing. From beside me, I heard Candy Apple Cookie say “How is that any fair!?!? He orgasms for you all the time!! All I want is for him to do that for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Ugh, this is so unfair!”
At her words, I felt a surge of anger rising in my soul jam. Could she not see his suffering like I could?? I reprimanded her by shoving a hand over her mouth to silence her, and giving her a look of disapproval. However, when I met her eyecing, I realized that the look on her face was not shame at being reprimanded like I had expected, but instead a sort of surprised horniness. I was taken aback at her unabashed display of such unfit emotion for the situation, but also became acutely aware of the fact that neither of us were wearing clothes. In order to stop the strange feeling overtaking me, I spoke.
“Candy Apple Cookie. I believe that Shadow Milk isn’t feeling well at the moment. When he ran out, he looked… troubled. I believe that the best course of action at the moment is to go talk to him and make sure he’s okay. Maybe then we can… here I let myself really take in her body as she stood before me …continue where we left off.”
Candy Apple nodded with a new determination, and we both dressed and raced up the stairs to go find Shmilk.
Shadow Milk
Breathe breathe come on STUPID how do you not know how to breathe you worthless piece of shit breathe BREATHE it’s not even that deep so what you were getting dommed in your own sex dungeon it’s fine it’s fine you don’t ALWAYS have to have the power you selfish little nobody come on BREATHE holy shit you can’t even stand how are you this pathetic how are you still alive if all you do is whine and yap and desperately struggle for control over others that you don’t even deserve and here you are not even able to BREATHE YOU WORTHLESS USELESS LITTLE BRAT THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU IT WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU YOU LITTLE ATTENTION WHORE HOW DISGUSTINGLY STUPID CAN YOU BE-
“hey.” A voice interrupted my inner monologue, halting my downward spiral for a second. I looked up to find Pure Vanilla standing over me. His warm look brought me to my senses. I felt a deep flow of oxygen into my lungs suddenly. I was on the floor, shaking and weak, and now I was gasping for my newfound airflow as though I had been drowning. My darling Vanilla knelt, spreading his arms open in invitation. He didn’t say it outright, but I could tell that by not hugging me without asking, he was giving me back my choice. My… control.
I threw myself into his arms and soon felt another warm presence join our hug. Candy Apple Cookie wrapped her small wings around me and grinned.
“I’m still loyal to you above all, Master Shadow Milk Cookie. We couldn’t just let you suffer like that. Next time let us know if you want us to stop, hehe!” She pulled something out from behind her back, and I saw that it was a pile of my clothes, folded as neatly as possible for how quickly they had come after me.
I suddenly remembered that I was still BUTT-ASS NAKED and painfully vulnerable, now both physically and emotionally. However, with the reassuring grins of both of my… friends? lovers? I felt a strange sort of serenity wash over me instead of the panic that had come before. I managed to mumble a small “… thank you. Both of you.” and walked back to my chambers to change.
Black Sapphire Cookie
Master Shadow Milk Cookie had been in a strange sort of tizzy all week. Initially, I had had no idea what had been going on, but before long, it became pretty clear that he was “dizzy with a dame” as they say. What I mean is, he was in love. Potentially sexual love.
I say “potentially”, but my suspicions were confirmed pretty quickly. As the big gossip that I am, I often enjoy “share sessions” with Candy Apple, and golly, did she spill some interesting “rumors” last time. Apparently, her, Master Shadow Milk Cookie, and that daisy looking twink had been involved in amorous congress (for the most polite term. I suppose it would be simpler to just say “sexual endeavors”) for the past few weeks.
Though I had been out doing actual work or recording broadcasts most of the times when they were canoodling, today I was free. I was trying to ignore the many interesting sounds emitting from the not so secret sex dungeon and having little success. Good god, had these been making it into my broadcasts this whole time? They were not keeping down the volume in there.
I decided to listen back to the recordings of my old broadcasts, just to make sure. They had made it on there alright. In the background of every single one was the sounds of moaning and grunting, three voices in harmonious pleasure. I felt myself flushing in anger. I was doing these broadcasts FOR Master Shadow Milk Cookie, and he was quite literally in the background ruining all of my hard work. Sure, the ratings were sky high and the recent viewership was through the roof, but none of that mattered anymore as I listened to broadcast after broadcast.
Their voices were a constant chorus behind my own. They sounded so… happy. Together. Before long, I couldn’t even make out my own words, even though my voice was the loudest and clearest. The murmur of background noise had become a cacophony in my head as I tried to pick out any hint of… just, something, to suggest that they weren’t perfectly happy and content without me. There was none. I shut off the radio, but their voices still resonated in my mind.
Their moans had risen to screams in my head and I clutched my ears and curled up on the floor. It’s okay. I was never supposed to be anything more than a servant to him. But then again, neither was Candy Apple. And Pure Vanilla wasn’t even supposed to be his friend at all. “WHAT ABOUT ME??” I screamed into the empty room, nobody to hear me. Typical. I grabbed my microphone from the floor nearby and clutched it to myself like a lifeline. It was the only gift that Master Shadow Milk Cookie had ever given me, and right now, I just needed to be reminded that he had thought about me, once. Just once, that was all I needed.
Just holding the microphone soon wasn’t enough, though. The air around me was thick and my loneliness was almost tangible. It felt like water, like I was drowning, and I didn’t know which way was up or which way to go. I sat up, but it didn’t help. I brought my mic down on my head, hard, trying to knock some sense into myself, but nothing was working. If anything, the water around me just got thicker. It was becoming hard to breathe and hard to see, and I was so painfully, utterly alone. If I drowned in my own self pity, would anybody even care? I hit myself again, but it didn’t clear my head at all. I felt almost crazed as I smacked my mic against my skull repeatedly, but I needed something to make sure that I was still alive, that the water of my loneliness filling my lungs hadn’t killed me yet. Though I could feel sticky syrup dripping into my eyes and down my throat, I couldn’t seem to stop. I was sobbing aloud by the time the door opened and a figure rushed in.
I was on my knees and the world was swimming as someone took me into their arms. A familiar voice asked me what the hell I was doing, if I was okay, but I couldn’t place the voice and I didnt have the strength to answer. I was so dizzy and cold and everything was blurry and dark. Syrup was still dripping from my head and onto the ground, and as my focus came and went, I managed to make out the horrifying sight of small purple crumbs on the ground. I slumped into the figure so that I didn’t have to see it anymore. Everything hurt. They tried to take my mic out of my hand, still dripping with syrup, but I clutched it tighter. To let go would be even more painful than anything I had just done. The figure mumbled something, but i didn’t hear it. I was so tired. Before I knew it, however, my wound had closed. Though syrup was still dripping into my eye, I could now see clearly enough to see the figure who had saved me slump to the ground, unconscious.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
I had found this strange cookie hacking himself repeatedly with a…large stick? Something like that. Syrup was running down the side of his head and there were cookie crumbs scattered around him. I rushed towards him in fear. I had only seen such horrifying injuries during the Dark Flour war. “what the hell are you doing? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” When I received no response, I became even more fearful. “...Are you alright?” I tried to use my healing powers, but the injury was so severe that it wasn't doing enough to stop the bleeding. I felt a deep knot of fear in the pit of my stomach. If I couldn't help this Cookie, nobody else could, and that was unacceptable. I rallied my inner thoughts and began concentrating. Come on Pure Vanilla Cookie. You can do this. This young man needs saving. Even if you feel useless, you need to try. Dont go all useless on me now… Miraculously, the wound finally began closing. I was grunting with the effort it took to knit the dough back together. This was taking so much of my power, but I had to help him. Who am I otherwise?
Finally, the wound shrunk to the size of a small cut. That would have to do for now, seeing as I was too weak to continue. I slumped to the ground as the Cookie began coughing beside me. I could see the light above my head growing dimmer, and slowly the world became black.
**************************
Shadow Milk Cookie
“What the fuck did you do to him?” I screamed at Black Sapphire. I had come out from my chambers when I saw Black Sapphire sitting upright with my Silly Vanilly passed out next to him. An indescribable feeling of rage brewed within me, like the sort of thing Burning Spice cookie has told me about. It was incandescent.
I ran over to my lover on the floor and scooped him up. Ignoring Black Sapphire Cookie, I dropped him onto my bed and began doing chest compressions. I could feel a heartbeat, but it was far too weak. I couldn't lose what I had only just gotten. That was a special kind of torture: being given only a small taste of happiness to show you what you're missing. Despite my initial reservations, he was…magnificent.
“please…stay with me. I- I need you.” I sobbed into him.
Suddenly, his eyes began fluttering and he looked up at me in confusion. “Oh my god, thank Eternal Sugar you’re safe… you’re safe… you…” I broke down, burying my face in his warm dough. He smiled gently.
“I’m fine but… what about this young gentleman? He was on the brink of flour when I found him here.”
I turned my attention back to Black Sapphire, who was sitting on the floor staring at the scene with abstract horror and holding his syrup-covered mic. It was obvious what had happened.
“YOU!” I roared. “You did this! How could you??? I thought you were loyal, but you betrayed me for… for what? Jealousy?? You of all cookies should know better than to be so petty. This just proves my feelings. I will always put MY silly vanilla first. If you want to get in the way, go ahead and try me. But I’ll be taking that microphone of yours back.”
Black Sapphire Cookie
As Master Shadow Milk Cookie wrenched my microphone from my trembling hands, I felt something I had never felt before. For the first time in my life, I simply couldn’t speak. The silence felt to me like a living thing, like a creature strangling me, sealing my mouth shut.
There were so many things that I wanted to say, i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to. i love you-, but none of them made it to my lips. I didn’t think I had ever been silent for so long before. Maybe, I thought, I should stay silent forever.
Shadow Milk Cookie
I was in a rage. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I couldn’t control myself, not when my Silly Vanilly was in such a state. I raised the microphone above my head and prepared to snap the stupid thing clean in half, when I heard my darling Vanilla’s voice from behind me.
“Wait!” he cried. “Shadow Milk, think for a second and be reasonable. He did not hurt me. Can’t you see that that’s not my syrup on the weapon? It’s… his.”
At my Silly Vanilly’s plea, I brought the microphone down to eye level and really looked at it. He was right. The syrup on the microphone was purple, and when I looked up, I could see that the same purple was dripping slowly down Black Sapphire’s face.
Shit. I took a break from yelling for a moment and really took him in. Though his wound was only the size of a small cut, there was an unreasonable amount of syrup dripping down his face. There were small cookie crumbs scattered on the ground, and his eyes were unfocused, staring at nothing. His lips were tightly shut, and come to think of it, had he even spoken at all for this whole encounter?
It was this revelation that brought me back to my senses. I looked at my Silly Vanilly in horror and he put his hand on my arm. “What… happened here?” I asked.
“I discovered this young cookie harming himself with that very microphone. I couldn't stop him. Eventually, he became woozy enough that he couldn't fight against my healing powers. However, the wound was too severe for me to heal without inflicting damage upon myself instead.”
“WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT? My Silly Vanilly…you can't just go sacrificing yourself like that.”
“...Never mind that. The more important thing is this young lad. Are you alright?”
That last part he directed at Black Sapphire. Black Sapphire just looked at him hollowly. I realized my oopsy daisy, and slowly turned to Black Sapphire. In my confusion and concern, I had mistaken Pure Vanilla as Black Sapphire’s victim, but Black Sapphire was his own victim instead. I gave the microphone back.
“I- I’m sorry.” I spoke gently. “What can we do?”
Black Sapphire just shook his head and clutched the microphone tighter to his chest.
I don't think I would ever earn his forgiveness.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
The cookie was looking forlornly at the ground. “What is your name?” I asked.
After a painfully long pause, a small voice said, “Black Sapphire Cookie.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I barely processed the words, I was too focused on his voice. Wow. No cookie I had ever heard before has such an…alluring sound. The dark tone, the slight raspiness, the melody of the words. I would have died a thousand deaths just to hear him speak one more time.
I was so incredibly turned on that I nearly missed what he said next.
“I…just want to be included-”
“We can totally do that! …Ahem. I mean, please, join us.” I said, turning bright red. “We can definitely include you in our activities.”
Shmilky gave me a strange look, but shrugged his adorable shoulders and called, “We’re gonna enjoy this.”
Shadow Milk Cookie
Well this is not what I was expecting to do today. Pure Vanilla had turned bright red and began staring at Black Sapphire hungrily. He then…invited him to have sex with the three of us? I dont think I should be hooking up with my servants. That might be a conflict of interest. However…one time couldn’t hurt, right?
Black Sapphire Cookie
Though I wasn’t sure what had caused the abrupt change in atmosphere, I couldn’t say that I was upset about it. I was pretty sure I knew what they meant by “activities”, and although the cut on my head was still dripping a trickle of syrup, I was definitely excited by the prospect. And, who knew, maybe I would actually end up forging real relationships and connections with Master Shadow Milk Cookie (and the others) through these illicit activities. Pure Vanilla helped me to my feet, and I was immediately surprised by how strong he was. For looking like a little twink, he sure did lift me pretty easily. I stuck a grin onto my face and followed Master Shadow Milk Cookie and Pure Vanilla Cookie down to the sex dungeon, where Candy Apple was already sitting as though lying in wait. That little brat, did she spend all of her time in here? Honestly.
Still, I certainly wasn’t complaining. Before I had time to even think, Master Shadow Milk Cookie swept me up in his arms and shoved me down hard onto the well-used bed. I cried out in surprise, and before I knew it both Pure Vanilla and Candy Apple were standing next to the bed, flanking me on either side. I wasn’t quite sure what I was supposed to do, so I tried my best to look sexy and hoped that someone else would take over. Luckily, someone did.
Master Shadow Milk Cookie began stripping, as did the others in his stead. I followed their lead, and soon, all of our frostings lay in a heap on the floor. Pure Vanilla and Candy Apple Cookie held my arms as Master Shadow Milk Cookie dug his hands into the dough of my thighs, pulling them apart. Smoothly, he shifted his body closer and closer to mine until I could feel his dough rubbing against my own. He slid roughly against my body, torturing me until he finally came to rest on my face. I could still breathe, but barely. I had no time to think about this, however, as I felt another cookie begin to climb up onto my body. Candy Apple Cookie. She settled herself on my dick and I could feel my strokes meeting every one of hers. She stopped suddenly, and I felt a stabbing pain in between my legs.
“What the fuck was that?” I asked, but it was muffled by the large ass still sitting on my face. Before I could speak again, a dick was shoved unceremoniously into my mouth.
“He-sjhuegiosohseuwhguheru” I gargled. The pain between my legs was growing stronger until I heard a “BITCH MOVE SO I CAN HEAR HIM” from down the bed. I felt the pressure lift from my face, and I could now see Candy Apple riding me with a syrup-covered knife in her hand. Not something you see every day.
“Sing for me, my angel,” I could hear Pure Vanilla saying.
“Uh..what? I don't really sing.” I said back confusedly. My question was interrupted by a shooting pain between my legs. I looked up to see Master Shadow Milk Cookie, grinning maniacally as he thrust into the hole created by Candy Apple’s knife. I cried out in a mix of agony and pleasure. I watched as Pure Vanilla stood next to him and began…lining himself up as well?
“Um, I dont think-”
I was cut off by the loud moan from Pure Vanilla and the now two very large cocks filling me. I felt agonizingly full as I let out a moan of my own.
I could suddenly feel more shooting pain, in my leg, my side, my arm, basically any exposed skin I had, which was ALL OF IT. Candy Apple Cookie was stabbing me over and over again with a maniacal giggle each stab. Her face was flushed and she was out of breath, and she kept FUCKING STABBING ME until she came loudly.
“What the fuck is happening-”
I was again cut off by a loud moan from Pure Vanilla, so I tried again.
“Master Shadow Milk Cook-”
I was cut off AGAIN by both of their moans. Basically, everybody was moaning at me while I was bleeding out on this bed. I don't think this is what they meant by fun.
“Say my name again.” A recognizable voice growled.
“Ummm, wha-”
“SAY IT!!” Roared Master Shadow Milk Cookie. I gave in to the dizzy pleasure swirling around in my mind (maybe it was from blood loss, but it was probably because two hot men were going at it inside of me). I started moaning and letting myself respond to their touches. I had been a bit shy and confused going in, but now that I was letting myself loose, I was greatly enjoying myself. Master Shadow Milk Cookie and Pure Vanilla continued to thrust discordantly into me, and my wings were flapping at a record pace. Soon, I couldn’t control my moans, and I heard myself cry out “Auuughhhh, Master Shadow Milk Cookie!!~~~” as though in a pleasure-created trance. As soon as I said his name, I felt a stream of cold milk swirling with my wine. Master Shadow Milk’s orgasm triggered one from Pure Vanilla and I felt Candy Apple slump against my chest as she finished as well. Their combined pleasure was nearly unbearable, and I continued moaning frantically and uncontrollably.
Candy Apple Cookie
While I didn’t care much about his voice, Black Sapphire did have a certain appeal. That being said, I was pretty horny. I didnt really care who I fucked, as long as it was with my Milky poo. I was bouncing up and down on his dick when I suddenly had an epiphany. This was meh, standard, run of the mill sex. Maybe, I could…spice it up a bit more. I pulled out my secret knife and decided where I should aim. I glanced behind me and smiled wickedly. This would hurt like a mother. I quickly slid my knife against his dough and watched as purple syrup began trickling out slowly. “Ahhhh…” I moaned. More. I needed more. I needed to prove that I could do something, that I could leave a mark. If I was beyond love, even sympathy, I could at least prove that I existed. After all, who are we without someone to tell our stories. I left traces of my legacy all over his body as we both cried out - me in pleasure, him in pain.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
Goddamnit. I couldn’t take this any more. I hated how Candy Apple was hurting the person who I had just tried to heal, but on the other hand, his pained cries were such a wild turn on that I couldn’t bring myself to make her stop. The sound of this cookie’s voice… the inflections, the highs and lows… they made me feel things I had never felt before. The truth was, as much as I hated it, I loved hearing him in pain. As I thrust into him, all I could think about was the sound of his voice, his rasps of pain grated in my ears, making me dizzy with pleasure. I hardly even cared about his body. Shadow Milk was still the only cookie who I loved, but goodness gracious was his voice a turn on. Morally, it was questionable. However, I was too enthralled by his grunts and groans to go too deep into that dilemma.
Eventually, once we had all had our fills of each other, we all lie on the bed, trying to catch our breaths.
“Well that was definitely…interesting,” said a smooth male voice. I immediately came again. Once I had finished, I muttered “goddamn you and your fucking voice. Somebody duct tape his mouth.”
The next day!
After hearing Black Sapphire calling Shadow Milk master with his ridiculously sexy voice, I had gotten an idea.
Shadow Milk Cookie
I was grabbing a glass of water after fucking all of my friends when Pure Vanilla sidled up behind me. I turned with a smile on my face, because he was just so perfect. I walked closer to him to see his uncharacteristic smirk.
“Hello there, my Silly Vanilly” I murmured.
“Hello there…master” he said slyly.
As soon as the words hit my brain, I felt my knees go weak. Pure vanilla grabbed onto me so I didn't bonk my head on the ground as I moaned loudly in his arms. He had put me in total control and I was loving it. After a solid 10 minutes of pure ecstasy flowing through my veins, I slumped against him in contentment. God, nothing had ever felt so good before. That was possibly one of the fastest and most thorough orgasms of my life. I finally stood back up on wobbly Legs and looked at him accusatory. “While I appreciate the gesture, please warn me next time” I panted at him. He just smiled innocently, with a, “sure, sure.”
Black spaphireeee
Ever since my first time, the group had started including me a lot more in their… activities. As of tonight, we were playing a rather interesting game, as proposed by Master Shadow Milk Cookie. In essence, it was a form of something called “spin the bottle”, a game which I had never previously heard of and was glad to not have to participate in. My job was to lay off to the side looking sexy. The others were to spin the bottle and whoever it landed on got their chance to have some “fun” with me. The goal of the game was to get as drunk as possible off of the wine from my orgasms. I was looking forward to a fun night.
I laid out on the bed that Master Shadow Milk Cookie had prepared in advance for me in the sex dungeon. It was covered in flower petals and money and there were candles next to it. I had been dressed in ill-fitting donated lingerie from Candy Apple Cookie. It certainly was… something. I tried to strike as sexy a pose as possible and settled on my signature move, the “dying sloth”, as the others called it. I personally think that I looked quite appealing, adorable if I do say so myself. Soon, the others entered.
They grabbed soft lengths of rope and tied me down in a starfish position. It was a tad more uncomfortable than my “dying sloth,” but I didn't mind too much. I was hungrily awaiting my first encounter of the night. The others sat down in a circle next to me. Since I was tied down, I couldn't see much, but I heard a cheer and multiple groans from beside me. I watched as Pure Vanilla walked over to me and began gently stroking the dough all over my body. The light touches fluttering around my skin made me tingle. I could hear a small ticking sound somewhere far off, but I could only concentrate on the feather-light sensations all over me. I closed my eyes to lean into the contact even more, but it abruptly stopped. There was a few seconds of silence, until I gasped at the sudden feeling of Pure Vanilla on me. Between the touches, and now this, my breath was heaving and I was trembling all over. Pure Vanilla pulled away slowly, and I felt a gentle hand gripping me and- “AUGHHHHHH” I moaned. I felt my wine covering his hand and dripping down my legs as I trembled. The ticking sound from before stopped and I heard a Master Shadow Milk Cookie’s voice call out “Four minutes and twenty-three seconds!! Impressive, but let’s see who can beat it!” Ohhhh, so they were timing me. I hadn’t realized that this game was competitive. Either way, I didn’t have to do anything except sit here and get royally fucked. After sliding off me but before returning to his place in the circle, Pure Vanilla closed his lips around my still aching cock, sucking up as much wine as he could. By the time he pulled away, I could tell he was a bit tipsy. He clearly didn’t have very high tolerance.
After he was seated, the bottle spun yet again. This time, I heard a high pitched squeal of excitement when it landed followed by two low groans of annoyance, one of them slurred from drink. Candy Apple stepped up to my bedside and pulled out- oh, great, her knife. I wasn’t looking forward to getting stabbed again, but her eyes were alight with excitement. Tense with sexual energy, she crawled onto me, one hand covering my mouth and the other readying the knife. She stabbed down, hard, into my side and I bit down on her hand in pain. She stabbed me again, this time in my leg, and giggled. I felt my first wound start to close up, the syrup clotting and the dough stitching together messily. It certainly wasn’t the neatest heal due to Pure Vanilla’s inebriated state, but it got the job done. He continued attempting to heal me and Candy Apple dragged her knife down the side of my jaw as though caressing me. I tried to pull away from her, but she grabbed me tighter, forcing my head into place. Pure Vanilla mumbled something to her along the lines of “I think he wants you to stop…” and Candy Apple sighed in annoyance.
“Oh, fineeee. You’re no fun.” She said to me. At least she put the knife away. She yanked the lingerie off of me (the fact that it was her own made the whole experience kinda trippy) and settled herself on top of me with all the grace of an acrobat. I pushed against her needily now that she was finally giving me something to work with other than knife wounds and she responded eagerly. Her frantic giggles had turned into gasps by the time I finished, wine flooding the bed and leaving me flushed.
“Seven minutes and fifty-one seconds! What a pathetic showing!!!” Shadow Milk announced from his seat on the floor. Candy Apple cookie sighed in annoyance and crawled off of me, returning to the circle after lapping up all of the wine that she could. She was much less immediately affected than Pure Vanilla, but I could tell that it would only take a little more to have her giggling nonstop for the rest of the night.
FINALLY, it’s Master Shadow Milk Cookie’s turn. I thought, as the bottle made a third spin around the group and landed on my blue master. He grinned at me, and I felt a stirring in my chest. “HAH!” he cried out, “Finally I can show you all how it’s done!!!” He slunk over to me and braced himself against the bed. In just a few seconds, he was on top of me, and I felt him lick my face. It was surprisingly kinky. After that, he began trailing small nibbles down my ear and the side of my face, lingering on my neck. When he got down to my collarbone, he bit down hard, and I felt the third burst of wine of the night leave my body. “unhhhhhhh” I moaned. Shit. I hadn’t wanted it to be over so quickly, but Master Shadow Milk crawled off of me as though nothing had happened and smirked.
“I said I would show you all how it’s done!” He bragged. “So, what’s my time?” Pure Vanilla looked at him in shock and awe and held up the timer in his hand. He slurred something unintelligible and Candy Apple translated: “Two minutes and ten seconds exactly.” She murmured in awe. Master Shadow Milk Cookie nodded at this. “Before we continue…” he started. He never finished his sentence, instead gently taking my extremely wet dick in his mouth. He tried to suck up the wine that was already drenching the sheets, but feeling him around me like this made me lose control again. He sucked long and hard while making direct eye contact with me, and yet another wave of wine spilled out of me and directly into his mouth. I could tell he hadn’t been expecting it, as he gagged on the taste and pulled away a bit. The sheer amount of alcohol that he had inhaled in such a short period of time had rendered him drunk, and he stumbled into Pure Vanilla’s lap, giggling and asking for “double points”.
By this point I was becoming exhausted, but no one else seemed to want the fun to end. Before the bottle could spin again, however, an unfamiliar voice uttered a cry of shock from the doorway.
Silverbell Cookie
What the almighty heck was going on here?!?!? Elder Faerie Cookie had sent me on a scouting mission around Beast Yeast, and I had found this strange tower. However when I went to explore it, well… I couldn’t believe my eyes. Three cookies sat in a messy circle, giggling and obviously drunk. One, a skinny cookie the color of blushing lilacs, lay on an elaborately decorated bed, completely naked. He looked a bit roughed up. All three of the cookies on the ground turned their heads to look at me when I came in, but the one on the bed was tied down at such an angle that he couldn’t turn to see me. I was shocked and horrified to find that I recognized some of the cookies on the floor.
“PURE VANILLA COOKIE??!?!? What are you doing here? I thought… but… and… wait, but that’s… is that SHADOW MILK COOKIE!?!??! But- he’s… wait, what… I… huh????”
Shadow Milk laughed and gestured over to me to join them in the circle. “Ah ha ha HAH!! Little twink faerie!!! Why don’t you join us, heheee…? We’ve been playing a wonderful game!!! How much do you bet you can make my darling servant Black Sapphire Cookie’s little wings FLAP?!?? I’ll bet you can’t beat my high scooo-ooore, haHAAAAAH!!!”
“Wha… what do you mean…?” I asked in horror. Were they seriously just hurting this cookie for fun? If so, I wanted no part of it. However, before I could do anything, a high-pitched voice sang out “Come oooon, play with us!!! Just give it a try at least!!!!” and a pair of hands pushed me towards the cookie on the bed, who was…. really attractive when I got up close. But, no I couldn’t be thinking these things. The tied-up, lanky cookie managed to look up at me through his bindings, and I saw one dark purple eye framed by thick white lashes. The other eye was covered by dark, wavy frosting. The (not handsome, not handsome, not handsome, holy shit he’s handsome) cookie made eye contact with me for a brief second before tossing back his head in apparent agony and convulsing under his ties. A liquidy substance spilled onto the bed between his legs, and I hated how the sight made something buried deep inside of me stir hungrily. I shoved the feeling down as the cookie on the bed let out a frantic moan. His fists were clenched tightly in the fabric and frantic whimpers and gasps tore from his throat.
All this just from laying eyes on me? I was confused and scared, but I couldn’t help but be a little bit flattered. The moment was broken by an astonished voice from behind me. “Eighteen seconds….” the voice said wonderingly. I turned around to see Shadow Milk holding a stopwatch, staring at it as though he couldn’t believe his eyes. Behind me, I heard the cookie on the bed still struggling to catch his breath. Humiliation and… something else, something that I didn’t want to name, were rising in my chest.
I stared at the cookie distrustfully. I had no idea what was going on and I was getting scared. Had I stumbled upon some sort of sex cult? I shouldn’t be here. I needed to go back to Elder Faerie Cookie and tell him what I had found. My breath caught in my throat as I realized the full scope of my predicament. I was in a room with THE Shadow Milk Cookie, THE Pure Vanilla Cookie, and two others who were both either half or fully naked. Nearly all of them looked very drunk. Whatever they were doing definitely wasn’t anything that I wanted to be involved in, but before I could back out of the door like the coward I was, I felt small hands on my shoulders holding me in place.
“Are you really leaving so soon? Come on, stay with us!” The tiny cookie said. Jesus, her voice was basically a whistle note. I began backing away fearfully.
“Umm…I- I think I should go actually. I don't think I belong here.” I tripped over my feet in my haste, hurrying towards the door. It was a bad idea to come here. These cookies may be dangerous. I cant risk anything.
“Wait! We only have one request of you, and that is for you to join us” Pure Vanilla Cookie said. As soon as the words left his mouth, I felt my heart stop. I jerked away and out of the room as quickly as possible and ran until my lungs threatened to give out. I collapsed on the floor in a corner of an unfamiliar room, and saw the world spinning until I was thrown back into that day.
*flashback*
I had been summoned to battle with my little brother, Bronze, again. Whatever. I was annoyed at the stupid draft system, but I wasn’t about to put up a fight. I might as well show those big tough faeries what I was worth despite my small size and the fact that I was a girl.
Right before we left, my parents brought me into the kitchen and gave me a painfully long talk about how “I'm the oldest” and “I need to take care of Bronze” and other shit that I was half-listening to. It was gonna be fine. They were worrying over nothing.
I strolled up the military base with my brother in tow, creeping nervously behind me.
“Get up here Bronze. You gotta show these cookies that you're tough to earn their respect.”
I noogied his head, until he laughed and broke free of my grasp. We both cackled as we walked inside, but we were quickly silenced by the glare from a nearby lieutenant. We found our quarters, dropped our bags, and started laughing even harder.
“Did you-.. Did you see that guy back there???” I said in between gasps for breath. “He like, totally thought I didn’t belong here… hahah!! He was so pissed….”
“I’ll bet he’s just bitter cus you’re a girl and you’re already stronger than he is, heheeheeehe!” I grinned at my little brother even as I felt a strange pang of discomfort stirring in my chest. Whatever, it was nothing for a tough cookie like me. I tried to ignore it and surveyed the room.
“Here, Ill take this cot, you take the other.” We unloaded our bags and got comfy. I was about to doze off when the door opened and -HOLY SHIT HE'S HOT. He was about my age, with a tight shirt and pants. You could see every single one of his rippling muscles. I felt another, stronger pang of the same discomfort rising in my chest, and this time it was much harder to ignore. I couldn’t seem to look away from his masculine body. It was so embarrassing, but I didn’t know what the feeling that had overtaken me was. Was love really this painful? I shifted awkwardly, glancing down and myself and how puny and feminine I was. God, I hated how I looked.
“Is this room…102?” he said, glancing down at his papers.
“Uh- uh- uhmm yep I think so definitely.”
“Wait but where’s the third cot?” he asked. I turned bright red as I realized that there were only two.
“Ummm…I dont know. You can share with me!...Uh, if you want, that is.”
He shrugged and threw his bags down next to mine. “Cool. I’m Venus Flytrap Faerie Cookie, but you can call me Venus.”
I didn't get a wink of sleep that night. For one, he was super hot, and for two, being around him made me feel so incredibly strange. I didn’t want to call the feeling gross, even though it was. After all, I liked him… didn’t I?? I was so confused, but I didn’t know how to fix it, so I just ignored it. The discomfort stayed with me all that night.
Later
I was pushing through the lines, standing side by side with Bronze and Venus. There were bombs bursting around us, and cookies were falling on all sides. The earth rocked as explosion after explosion hit the ground, and the rapid gunfire almost masked the sound of the screaming all around us. Cookies were crumbling left and right, and the ground was coated in sticky syrup. “Shit, this looks bad.” Venus growled to me. “Maybe we should fall back and regroup.” At first I considered his offer, but then I realized that this may just be my chance to prove to him how tough I was. Because I was tough. Right?
“What are we gonna do, Silverbell!?” I heard Bronze ask in a panicked whisper beside me. “Should we fall back like Venus said?” I could tell he was freaking out, but I HAD to impress Venus. Scaredy-cat little brother or no, I had decided on a plan that would guarantee my success with the cookie of my dreams, and maybe make that stupid feeling go away once and for all. Even on the battlefield, I couldn’t help but feel disgusting, and way too weak.
“Don’t be a pussy, Bronzie. We can’t fall back now. We’re losing because we’re on the defensive. We have to take the battle to them. I’m going to invade their camp. If we make it into enemy territory maybe we can turn the tides. Stay here if you want… but I’m going in.” Bronzie sniffed in fear, but followed me as I charged ahead, flying as stealthily as I could into the belly of the beast. I was so proud of myself that I didn’t even hear Venus yelling at us to wait.
We had made it to the middle of their camp and Bronze and I were peeking around a tent to watch. We quietly reloaded our guns and prepared for the ambush. I began counting us off.
“One…”
I could feel my heart pounding with the thought of killing the cookies that had made our lives miserable.
“Two…”
I began smiling as I awaited my revenge.
“Three.” An unfamiliar voice called out. I swiveled to see five men surrounding us, guns pointed in our directions. Before I could move, I heard two shots fire out from the one who had spoken. I watched as they hit their marks. In Bronze.
I screamed silently as I ran towards him, tears streaming down my face. My movement caused more guns to go off, but they all missed.
“NO! Nonononononononono. You-you’re gonna be ok. You’re gonna be just fine. I promise.”
I cradled him close as I kept running in any direction I could. I glanced down to see the large cookie crumbs leaving behind a trail as we ran. Shit. That was sure to get us both caught. I raced until I found the edge of the camp, and knelt down behind the brush. I set Bronze down gently. I couldn't help but notice the two large holes in his chest, the syrup staining the dirt. His breathing was growing weaker and weaker. He smiled softly at me.
“Hey, hey, hey. Stay with me. You’re gonna be just fine.” I soothed him with words I didn't feel, and tried desperately to save him.
“This- this is all my fault. I shouldn't have brought you here. Fuck, I should have protected you, just like mom and dad told me to. Goddammit Im a fucking idiot. C’mon, stay here with me. Please…” I cried into the dirt as I heard the last puff of air leave his lungs. I don't know how long I laid there for, only that it was a long, long time. Long enough that bugs had found their way onto me, long enough for Bronze’s blood to soak fully into the dirt. I sobbed against the dirt until I heard footsteps behind me. At this point, I didn't care who it was. I would thank them for their mercy for killing me. It was all my fault.
“Get up idiot.” Venus’s voice cut through the silence. I finally sat up and faced him, tears and snot running down my face.
“You don't deserve to cry for him. I told you to fucking fall back, and you didn’t listen. You did this to yourself, and your brother paid the price.” He stared at me a moment longer, then turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my sins. Eventually, I felt numb enough to move again. I distantly grabbed some large leaves to lay them overtop of Bronze’s wounds. He deserved to be remembered as he was - pure.
Later (again)
I trudged home. I suppose I should have been feeling sadness, but all I could feel was guilt, and the gross feeling from earlier had only intensified to the point of near physical pain. My parents had told me to take care of him, and I failed. Miserably.
I walked through the doors, and I could hear clattering as my parents rushed to greet us. Well, just me. They stopped short when they saw me, and I could see their eyes going towards the empty spot next to me. Their gazes went from warm to mournful in a matter of moments. I shook my head at them.
“Bronze…Bronze didn't make it.” I murmured. My parents just stared at me, not saying a word. They turned to each other, seeming to have a silent conversation in their heads. Suddenly, they turned and left as fast as they had entered, and left me alone, as I always would be from now on. After a minute of standing there in silence, my parents reentered. They carried a small duffel bag and chucked it in my direction. It looked like they didn't want to even get close to me.
“You have dishonored and ashamed us. We told you, time and time again, to protect your brother. That was our only request of you. This is unforgivable, Silverbell Cookie. We cannot bear to see you. Ever again.”
My eyes grew wide at their words, but I shouldnt have been surprised. I let everybody down, and now I had to pay the price. My reckless actions had caused the death of one of the only things that mattered to me in this life. I wanted to show off to Venus. I wanted to walk into a death trap. I was the only one at fault. Bronze is- …was the purest cookie I knew. And now, he was gone.
END OF FLASHBACK
LATER
Black Sapphire Cookie
I couldn’t take this torture anymore. One second they were all saying they loved me, murmuring sweet nothings into my ear, and the next they were gone, off on their own ignoring me. It had become pretty clear pretty fast that they only wanted me for my wine. Well, clear to me at least.
So, I did what I always did when I was sad and listened back to my old broadcasts. It always helped mitigate my suffocating loneliness just to be able to hear another voice talking to me, even if that voice was my own. But today, it was no use.
God, was that really what I sounded like?? I sounded so tinny and slimy and… fake. I quickly switched off the radio before the sound of my own voice drove me insane. Recently, I had been struggling to lie as smoothly as usual. I had used to be so good at lying, at keeping up a happy facade no matter what, but now that I actually had a taste of what I really desired, the charade was becoming harder and harder to maintain. God, how ungrateful could I be?? I couldn’t stand to be alone with myself anymore. Heck, I couldn’t stand to be alone anymore, period.
I felt overwhelmed, and so incredibly, distinctly, painfully alone that there were no barriers between me and my thoughts. I looked around me as though searching for a cookie who I knew wouldn’t be there. I don't know why I did. There’s never any cookie there, and there never will be. I’m always the one on the outside, the one peeking through the window at the celebration inside. I’m always alone. Because I deserve to be. It’s better this way anyways. My presence would disrupt everyone else. It’s for the best.
The room around me was pretty barren, except for a small radio, a chair, a desk with some old scripts on it, my microphone- wait. my microphone. My eye caught on it and I felt as though entranced. After what happened last time, it had taken on a bit of a new light for me. However… I padded softly across the room and took it in my hands. Almost mechanically, I rubbed my hand over the scar still left on my head that Pure Vanilla had never been able to heal. Maybe… no, I shouldn’t. But… Just a little. What the others didn’t know couldn’t hurt them, and they probably wouldn’t even care anyway.
Plus, I felt almost lightheaded from the barren emptiness surrounding me. Even though there was so much empty air in the room with no one but me inhabiting it, it felt like it wasn’t enough to fill my lungs. I felt unmoored, almost as though I was looking down at myself from some distant vantage point. I watched myself detach the floating top part of the mic, its sharp spikes glittering in the dim studio light. I brought the top edge, metal thin and sharp like a knife, swiftly down on my arm, and felt syrup welling up from the cut.
The mic hadn’t cut as deep as I had thought it would, but I strangely couldn’t tell if I was relieved or not. I let the rest of the mic clatter to the floor and slashed again quickly with the top, letting the sharp pain rise and then settle just as quickly. I repeated this action again and again until my arm was aching and my breath shook, but I couldn’t seem to stop. The world was spinning and I was so unmoored from reality at this point that the pain was the only thing anchoring me.
I repeated the action on my other arm until the mic piece fell from my hands, which were shaking violently, onto the floor. Dizzily, I put the microphone back together, wiped off the syrup, and stood it up in its corner. I used some of the old scripts that were lying on my desk to stop the bleeding (at least for now) and collect the small crumbs that had fallen to the floor from when I had cut too deep. Finally, I let my long sleeves fall over my arms, covering the wounds. No one would ever know.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
“AhaHAha, is this what it feels like to be drunk? I..I likeee it….” I slurred. “We should, we should like, dooooo this againn. WITH MORE WINEEEEE!”
“HELL YEAH MORE WINE!” Shadow Milk roared from beside me. I looked over at him to find him looking right back at me.
“You’re prettyyyyy. Do you know how attractive you areeeeeeee, because its like, a lot. Its not fairr” I harrumped.
“You’re pretty pretty yourself. HAhAhAHa, pretty pretty. Thats funnyyyyyy” Shadow Milk replied.
“I think you might be drunk Shmilky. I think I might be drunk too”
My shmilky laughed and said something in response, but I wasnt listening. I felt floaty, and I couldnt hold myself down to earth. I floated allllll the way upstairs to the top of the spire. I hadnt been up here before, and I took in my new surroundings. Then, I caught a faint whiff of wine and followed the scent into a small room next to me. I opened the door and tried to make sense of what was before me. Black Sapphire must have disappeared at some point during the evening, because he was hunched over up here, seemingly for a while. He looked up in alarm as I approached, and scurried back a few steps.
“What are you doing up here silly?? The party’s downstairs, dont you know??”
“Um..”
“Ahhhh, doesnt matter. Come on come onnn, come join uss. PLEASEEEEEEEEE” I begged on my knees. He hung his head, but eventually got up. He still hadnt smiled.
“YESSSSSS” I celebrated. I gave him a big hug, nearly tackling him. When I pulled back, something on his arm caught my attention. He noticed this and pulled the sleeve down quickly, but I had seen the evidence. I shook my head to clear the fogginess from my head.
“What…did you do that to yourself?”
He looked at me for a while, seeming indecisive about what to respond with.
“Um…yes. I did.”
“Well, why would you do that? Come here, let me see it.”
He took a step back, then two slow steps forward. I carefully unwrapped the bandages, careful not to cause him any more pain. He winced as I looked over the deep cuts.
“I- Im sorry. Nobody was supposed to find out.”
I looked up at him sharply.
“Dont be sorry. Theres nothing to apologize for. Let me heal these wounds for you.”
My healing wasn’t perfect, as there was still wine in my system, but it got the job done. We sat there in silence for a while, me healing him while he watched me. He was spaced out when I finished. I glanced over my work to make sure it would hold, and took a step back.
“Thank you,” he said timidly.
“Youre welcome,” I replied. I sat there, not wanting to leave him alone. I left enough space for him to leave if he wanted to, but he stayed there across from me. We sat, with nothing but the sound of our own breathing, for what seemed like hours. I was willing to stay as long as he needed me to.
“It’s a habit I’m trying to break.” He finally broke the silence that had blanketed us. I gazed deeply into his eyecing. All I could see was fear, sadness, and remorse.
“I can heal you whenever you want. No questions asked.” I said. I sincerely hoped he would take me up on that offer, but it truly was up to him. As for right now, I supposed that I should return to the party.
Shadow Milk Cookie
All it took was a few sly glances and soft words to get Pure Vanilla cookie into my chambers. I realized it had been a while since I had been able to just soak him up. While the others were fun, Pure Vanilla was my main priority. I felt a sloppy grin spreading across my face as my hunger mounted. I knew I was still drunk, but I didn’t care. I just needed to be with him, to hear him say my name like I was the only cookie in the world that mattered to him.
I clumsily stripped and watched drunkenly as my Silly Vanilly, MY silly vanilly, my darling, did the same. I stumbled over to him and pressed up against him sensuously, I took in his naked body, taking the time I hadn't had before to appreciate every inch of it. I took a slow step towards him. He took a slow step towards me. I met his mouth in the middle, devouring him. This was what I have truly been craving. Pure Vanilla is all I need.
I began inching my kisses downwards, going as slow as I could manage. I lived for each gasp of air he took in as I found his favorite spots. I explored all over his body, mapping it with my mouth. Finally, he grabbed me and pulled me back up to his mouth. I lie on top of him, being careful not to crush him under my weight. I settled in for long, slow kisses, appreciating every curve of his mouth. Despite being underneath me, he kissed me back passionately, pushing upwards into me. Things became more heated, and Pure Vanilla growled and rolled me over so I was underneath him. I lost my breath a little. Pure Vanilla realized his mistake and pulled back, chest heaving. He started climbing off, but I pulled him back down.
“I’m alright,” I whispered into his mouth. I could feel his smile. Still, he was slow and careful with his movements. He set me down gently against the blankets and hesitated before climbing back over me, giving me one more out. I slowly nodded my head, and he found his way on top of me once more. I could feel my lungs constricting a little, but I told myself that this was Pure Vanilla Cookie. I can trust him. He would never do anything to hurt me. I felt a little more air enter my lungs as I felt Pure Vanilla press into me, being careful with this new opportunity. He began copying my movements from earlier, exploring my body as I did his. I could feel his kisses along my abdomen, and I gasped a little with each one. He worked his way back up slowly, until he returned to my mouth. He was soft and slow with his kisses. I had never loved him more.
Black Sapphire Cookie
I finally gathered up the courage to leave my radio tower. My arms still throbbed, but at least they weren’t bleeding anymore. All I wanted at that moment was to go to my room to rest and recover, but before I got there, I heard quiet sobbing from a corner of one of the twisting hallways in the spire. When I got to the source of the noise, I found the strange cookie who had interrupted spin the bottle curled up on the ground.
He was crying with his face buried in his arms and his knees pressed close against his chest. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of pity for him. This cookie looked lonely too. I stepped over towards him, but stopped when I was still a few feet away.
“Hey… Are you okay??” I asked as gently as I could manage. His head jerked up and he looked at me with glazed, horror filled eyes.
“He…” mumbled the cookie, “He’s gone… I-I… M-My fault…” He was trembling too badly to speak clearly, the poor thing. I kneeled beside him and offered him my hand. It wasn’t much, but at least he wouldn’t have to feel alone.
He took it, grasping it tighter than I had expected. I wasn’t complaining. Before I knew what was happening, he had buried his face in my chest. His sobs soaked my frosting, and I could hear him saying “I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry” over and over again.
“Shhhh…” I mumbled as comfortingly as I could manage. “Everything is going to be okay.” I plastered a smile on my face, as I was so used to doing. At this point, I didn’t even remember what my real smile looked like, but I could summon the fake one at a whim. I suppose it was reassuring enough, and the cookie sniffled and looked up at me with huge, watery eyes.
“I’m sorry…” He murmured again, but I put a finger to his lips, softly, silencing him.
“It’s okay.” I assured him. Finally, he seemed to regain his senses. He sniffed and wiped away a tear with one hand.
“I… I should go-“ He said, but I grabbed his arm to stay him.
“Wait! Let me help you first.” I said. He looked terrified at my contact, and scurried back. I sat down in front of him.
“Hey. Im not going to hurt you. Alright?”
He sniffled. I sat there for a long time. Finally, I accepted that this cookie didn't want my help, didn't need me just like everyone else. I began taking a few steps in the other direction, when I suddenly heard a soft pattering of footsteps follow me. I stopped and turned, and there he was. He looked very timid, and froze as I looked at him. I smiled gently and continued walking. I heard him follow me slowly. I made my way up to my radio tower where we could have time to talk without the pressure of the others around. We slowly climbed the spiraling stairs, me glancing back to make sure he was still there. When we finally reach the top, I spoke gently to him
“Whats your name?” After a pause, he replied, “S- Silverbell.” I nodded. “Im Black Sapphire. This is my radio tower.” He glanced around nervously. I could see him looking behind me at the door, suddenly realizing that that was his only way out. I quickly moved out of the way. “Feel free to leave whenever you want. I just thought you might appreciate some privacy.” He began creeping towards the door, and I felt disappointed that I had failed to help him. He was so adorably nervous that I couldn't help but feel a rush of affection for him. He began turning the door handle when he looked back at me once more. I gave him a soft smile that didn't feel very genuine. He just stared at me, his hand on the knob, but he didn't move. I could see his chest falling and rising. I just stood there and waited patiently for him to leave like everyone else does. But he just stayed standing there for who knows how long. I could feel him taking me in, as I was doing the same to him. His anxiety was almost palpable. He noticeably began turning more and more red the longer he stared. I felt my own cheeks start to redden in response.
“please…stay.” I whispered. He gave me one more moment before taking some steps back into the room. He came closer and closer until we were about a foot away. If I wanted to, I could reach out my arm and touch him. I felt a stirring in my stomach tempting me to do that and more, but I pushed it down to make sure he was comfortable. I inched myself forward, just slightly. I could hear his breathing, fast and shallow, but he didn't step away. I gave it a moment, and inched forward once again. Ever so slowly, we got closer and closer. It got to the point where he was craning his head up to look at me, and I was looking down at his large gray eyecing. I finally took the last step forward until my chest was touching his face. I felt a small gasp escape him. I slowly reached out my hand and cupped his face. He grew pale, but didn't back away. He was taking shallow breaths, but so was I. There was a deep sense of longing in my gut. Having Silverbell so close felt like a piece of me had finally clicked into place. Ever so slowly, I angled my face towards him. Ever so slowly, I came closer and closer until I could feel his breath on my face. I didn’t want to close the final distance between us and make that choice for him. He still had an out, even if I was desperate for him. I don't know how long we stood there for, but I was patient. He was completely still beneath me, for so long I thought his frosting had hardened or something. Finally, my patience was rewarded by him closing the distance between us. Our lips met and I lost control. He felt divine. I grabbed his hair and shoved him against the wall. I needed more. He was meeting my passion equally and I kissed him deeply. Almost without thinking about it, I threw off my clothes and threw my microphone to the floor beside me. I paused for a second after realizing what I had done, looking at him unsure. He had come in here with a lot of fear and had only just recovered from his panic. I didn’t want to start him off again.
I stared at him, and he stared back as we caught our breaths. Suddenly, he lunged at me once more and I staggered back a few paces. However, I was happy to oblige. I began methodically taking off his frosting, piece by piece, until his tiny body was completely revealed to me. I gazed in reverence at him for a moment before descending again.
Silverbell Cookie
I stared at the cookie who had grabbed me in horror and scurried backwards almost instinctively. His touch reminded me of home. At least, the home I used to have. I was thrown back into the moment my parents cast me out. I could feel my skin crawling from his touch. “Wait, let me help you first.” he spoke to me like a small animal. I stayed where I was, trying to avoid him. I couldn't bear to see the pity that I knew would fill his face. I think he realized how terrified I was. I couldn't help reliving that day over and over again, the events turning over in my head, analyzing every possible outcome. Would Bronze have died if Venus wasn't assigned to the wrong room? Would Bronze have died if I hadn’t been so reckless? Would Bronze have died if I had run in the right direction, towards a healer cookie? Would Bronze have died if I had died first, before any of this had happened?
Maybe that was the solution. I couldn't bear to live myself any longer. Suddenly, the cookie spoke again. “Hey. I'm not going to hurt you. Alright?”
He may not hurt me, but that didnt mean I couldnt. I looked down and saw imagined slashed all over my arms, wounds dripping all over my body. I blinked hard and the image disappeared. I hated how often this happened to me. Right after the war, when the imprint of my brother had still weighed heavily on my mind, I had used to do more than just imagine causing myself harm. I hated myself for what I had done, and I hated my worthless body. If I wasn’t my brother, what use was I to the world? After Elder Faerie Cookie had taken me in and discovered my… habit, he had tried as best as he could to help me to stop. I couldn’t seem to do it at first, I couldn’t bear to live in my own dough anymore. However, after many long long talks with Elder Faerie, I had managed to improve enough to not hurt myself anymore, at least physically. I still had scars that had never healed, and I gave in to visions of what the pain would be like, how relieving it would be to let out some of the agony that I kept buried deep inside of my chest. For example, right now.
Slowly, the wounds appeared all over me again, but shrunk down to two bullet-sized holes in my chest. I could feel the pain puncturing my soul, and it only felt right. My soul was evil anyway. It must be, because I killed Bronze, and here was this kind cookie offering to help and I couldn't bear to take it. I looked down at the holes in my chest, right where Bronze’s had been. I didn't scream or cry. I didn't make a sound as I felt myself dying. I sat there, staring down, feeling that this was right. I deserved this death. I closed my eyes as I felt myself sink into the abyss. I held my breath for as long as I could. I sat perfectly still, not wanting to disturb the other cookie. This was a fitting way for me to die.
My eyes flew open and I drew air back into my lungs in surprise as the cookie stood. His movement had disrupted my death. How dare this cookie keep me from the fate I deserve? Purposeful or not, he should have just let me die. Now my plan was all messed up and it was all his fault and I should kill him just like I killed Bronze. I blinked at the thought. I had committed enough sins for one lifetime. I needed to fix myself, but I didn't know how. The cookie was still taking steps away, leaving me all alone to my thoughts. He left just like Venus, Bronze, my parents, everyone. I was too broken. Nobody stayed for long. All I needed was for someone, anyone, to stay and carry the burden of my pain with me. It had been crushing me for so long, and my muscles were trembling and my legs were about to give way to the pain that I carried with me constantly. I was broken, falling, into a dark pit. I needed a hand to reach out, grab me, pull me to safety, but there was nobody. Not a single cookie who was there for me. I felt a tear drip down my cheek and splash onto the floor. I heard the sound echo through the room, deafening me. I looked up at the cookie who was walking away from me, just like everyone else did. Without my consent, my feet begin to move out from under me and follow the cookie. But then, something happened. He turned around to face me, and the look in his eye wasn’t pity. It was something else, something I couldn’t quite place.
His eye sparkled dully, like it was once full of mischief, but had been corroded down into fear. He turned around and started walking again, but this time, it wasn’t like he was leaving me. It was like… he was inviting me to follow him.
I continued walking, up twisted staircases and down impossible hallways, until we reached a small circular room. There was nothing in it but a desk, a chair, and a small wooden box that looked like some sort of old-fashioned speaker. As I had walked wonderingly into the new room, I hadn’t realized that the other cookie had stayed by the doorway as I had gone inside. A surge of anxiety ran through me as I realized that he was blocking my only way out.
I felt the walls grow smaller around me. The air was pushing in, disappearing quickly. I felt the walls and floor shrinking, closing in on me. My only escape was blocked. I was cornered. I should never have trusted him. He led me into a trap, and I was stuck like some prey.
“Whats your name?” the cookie spoke, and I could see a grin flashing across his face. He was in control, he had all the power, and he knew it. I paused. I figured if he was going to hurt me, he might as well know who I am. “S-Silverbell.” I hadnt meant for my voice to come out so shaky. He nodded. I could see the malicious intent behind his eyes. I was about to open my mouth again, to beg for mercy, to beg for it to be slow and painful, I had no idea. However, I was interrupted. “I’m Black Sapphire. This is my radio tower.” Black Sapphire. Black Sapphire. Black Sapphire. Black Sapphire. Black Sapphire. Black Sapphire Black Sapphire Black Sapphire Black Sapphire BLACKSAPPHIREBLACKSAPPHIREBLACKSAPPHIRE- My thoughts were spiraling out of control, my brain turning the syllables over and over again. I had to get out of here, had to get my racing mind back under control. I looked towards the barricaded dorr, my only salvation. My breathing quickened and I could feel a tight knot of fear in my throat. Miraculously, Black Sapphire suddenly moved. He stepped to the side, giving me acccess to the door. “Feel free to leave whenever you want. I just thought you might appreciate some privacy.” Huh. Perhaps this cookie wasnt all bad after all. This has to be a trick. Nobody would be kind to me. Everyone can see the darkness tainting me. I crept towards the door cautiously, making sure to move slowly to see if this really was a trap. Just another mind game of his. Finally, I made it to the door. He kept watching me, seemingly fine with my leaving. I put my hand on the doorknob. I had made it. All I had to do was turn the knob. I would be free. But I couldn't make my hand do it. I glanced back at Black Sapphire. Black Sapphire. He had let me get to the door. He was willing to let me go. If he was willing to do that, he must not want to hurt me. Unless this is still just a mind game, and there was no escape for me. Well, so be it. I was giving up. He won. I let go of the knob. I looked back at Black Sapphire. I really took him in. I trailed my eyes over his long legs, up his torso, the gems adorning him, the messy hair covering one of his eyes, his wings. I looked at everything I could see. Within his eyes, I could see a lot of fear. About what, I couldn't tell. Maybe fear that I would get away. “Please…stay.” he whispered. Ah. There it was. The manipulation behind his every word had led to this moment. He was using my emotions against me, and it was working. I did want to stay. I wanted to be there with him. He comforted me. What a convincing lie. The web of deceit had been spun and I was caught in it. I looked into his eye. I wanted to stay here with him, even if it resulted in my own pain. Honestly, maybe he would make the pain more bearable.
I stepped back into the room, creeping closer. I kept moving towards him, ready to accept my demise. If this was my end, I would challenge him. I went even closer, til we were about an arms length apart. I stared up at him, demanding that he do whatever he plans on doing. He smirks at me, taking a slow, confident step towards me. I had handed myself right over to him, and he was quite happy to accept it. I could feel my breath shaking. Maybe I didnt want to die after all, but it was too late. He stepped ever closer. The closer he got, the more I strained my neck to make eye contact with him. He played his final move. He stepped towards me, his chest now touching my cheek. I gasped at the contact. He moved his hand up to grab my face. His rough dough caresses me, and I imagine he’s thinking about how great it will feel to kill me. I could fel myself going pale, but I wasnt going to stand down now. If these were my final moments, I didnt want to die a coward. I could hear his shallow breaths, I imagined in excitement and anticipation for my dough. Our breathing matched each other, mine out of fear, his out of murderous tendencies. This was it. He began bringing his face closer and closer to mine. I wasnt sure what he was trying to do, but I gulped. I couldnt bear this. He was playing with me. I could feel his breath on my face, the cool air washing over me. It did little to relax me. We stood there for a long time, breathing on each other. I didnt want to move, but neither was he. I was confused. If he was going to kill me, he should just get it over with.
This was becoming increasingly strange as we continued staring at each other. I felt like a rabbit that had just been trapped by a wolf, except the wolf wasn’t moving at all. And he seemed awfully… anxious for some reason. Almost as anxious as I was. For the first time, I really noticed his pattern of breathing. It wasn’t quick from excitement, it was quick from… fear? He was looking at me not as though I was prey, but as though I was worth something. How wrong he was. I could feel his frosting tickling my face, and his white lashes fluttered ever so softly, but he didn’t break eye contact. He was tense, but not in anticipation. I suddenly felt that he was the one scared of me. Scared of making a wrong move and sending me into flight. I suddenly felt just a little braver. Maybe I could be the one to make the first move for a change. At least this time, my recklessness could only harm myself.
I rallied myself and closed the small distance in between us. Our lips met, and I felt a strange, sudden passion burning through me. I hadn’t expected this to feel as good as it did. His demeanor changed suddenly, and I felt him grab my hair and shove me hard against the nearest wall. Shit. Maybe I had been wrong to trust him. Maybe this was what he had been waiting for. A chance to strike. But I couldn’t seem to pull away. Everywhere his dough touched felt fiery hot in the best possible way. And even though he had me at his mercy, his kisses were surprisingly gentle, as though he really wanted to enjoy soaking me up. As though… he actually didn’t hate me. As though he felt like my body was worth something. I felt myself beginning to return his kisses, letting my dough push up against him. My whole body was burning, and our kisses were becoming deeper, but he suddenly pulled away.
Before I knew what was happening, he had stripped down fully. He was panting and shaking with apparent desire, and I surveyed his skinny body, letting my eyes truly eat up his dusky lavender dough. His frosting was already a mess, and he looked as though he couldn’t wait to get back into action, but he stood frozen staring at me in… nervousness? His look was shy and almost apologetic, and I realized that he was waiting for me to make the next move. To give him consent to keep going. Well, if consent was what he wanted, then I would give him that and more. At this point I couldn’t care less about how reckless I was being. I lunged at him, pressing my dough as close to him as possible. I felt him stumble backwards a little bit, but I couldn’t take feeling helpless anymore. Our lips met again and again, and I felt myself losing control. His hands slid under my cloak, and I anticipated what he was going to do right before he slid it off of me. He was trying to be gentle, I knew that, but I couldn’t bear to wait any longer. He seemed determined to torture me, however. He pushed away from me, taking off my frosting piece by piece, seemingly as slowly as possible. By the time he was done, I was shaking in anticipation. Thankfully, he didn’t make me wait any longer.
We met again, our passion renewed and almost doubled. I could feel his tongue leaving impressions on my dough that would last a lifetime. I moaned softly into his mouth, and I could feel his wicked smile in response. I pressed myself to him, and he slowly guided us over to the desk in the corner of the room. He spun me around, keeping his mouth on mine, and pushed me down to lay on top of the cool wooden surface. He looked desperate for more, and I was feeling the same. I grabbed him and pulled him down on top of me. His lanky legs intertwined with mine, and I drew in a gasp as he began kissing the hollow of my throat. I grabbed his hair and pulled hard, nearly unaware of what I was doing.
I grabbed his arm to guide it over top of me, when he suddenly winced and took a breath. I blinked at him in question, but he just resumed kissing me intently, like he wanted me to forget about it. I, however, was not about to. I broke free from his grasp and sat up. I stared at the slashes and scars, some old and some fresh, that decorated his arms and thighs. I met his gaze again. He seemed to shrink in on himself. I cupped his face and pulled him close to me. I showed him the large scars and chunks missing from my dough. The evidence of my self-harm was written all over me, even if I had stopped a long time ago. He looked at me with worry in his eyes. My wounds were severe. My flowing cloak usually covered them, but that had been tossed haphazardly on the floor long ago. I turned up to look at him one more time. I took his arms and began kissing every wound I saw. He drew in shaky breaths but didn't try to stop me. I kissed each and every one on his arms, and began working down to his thighs. I kissed the inside of them, all over. His breathing was becoming more erratic. Finally, I kissed him in between his thighs. I kissed him over and over again, eventually opening my mouth for him to enter it. He was all too eager to oblige. I felt him grab my chin, gently guiding my mouth towards him, but before I could take him in my jaws, I heard the door slam open. “What are you guys doing- oh. Whoops.” Shadow Milk said sheepishly from the door.
“Well, well, well… I didn’t know you had been fooling around with this little twink faerie! I mean, congrats, but like. Really. Am I not… enough for you, hehe? If you wanted another little toy, you could’ve just asked him to join all of us. You’ve been keeping him all to yourself, haven’t you? What a naughty servant you’ve been.”
We just stared at him like he had spouted horns.
“Um…what?” I asked. I suddenly became very aware of how naked I was in front of THE Shadow Milk Cookie and grasped for something, anything nearby to cover myself with. Turns out the only thing close to me was Black Sapphire. (Black sapphire, black sapphire). I grabbed him and shoved him in front of me to hide my naked body. My body was covered in scars, from my self-harming, my top surgery, and more wounds from the war. I didn't want him to see it and think I was weak.
Black Sapphire (Black Sapphire, Black Sapphire, Black Sapphire) turned and looked at me in surprise, but he didn’t move. I could tell he had gotten the point, and he tried to cover me as best he could with his skinny body. “Ahh….” he said intentionally. “I see. Apologies… Master Shadow Milk Cookie.” He grinned, and THE Shadow Milk Cookie nearly collapsed to the floor from a sudden orgasm. From over Black Sapphire’s (black sapphire, black sapphire) shoulder, I could see milk trickling onto the stone tiles beneath THE Shadow Milk Cookie’s legs.
Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireballssapphicblacksapphire) grinned at me. After Shadow Milk caught his breath he said “Fuck. You.” He directed his next words at me with a smile. “Well, hello there. Would you like to come downstairs and meet the rest of us? We are…a lot of fun.”
Black sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblapphireblacksapphiresapphireblackblacksapphiresapphireblacksapphire) raised an eyebrow but didn't object. This felt like some kind of inside joke that I wasnt privy to. Black Sapphire (blacksapphiresapphblackireblacksapphire) began shaking his head no, but I lifted my chin and spoke to the cookie still picking himself up off the floor. “Yes, I would.” Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) looked at me and began waving his arms around and shaking his head in a very clear no, but I was entertained by his worry.
I went downstairs with the two of them again, and saw THE Pure Vanilla and a small female cookie next to him. THE Shadow Milk summoned them down to the basement that this place apparently had. I don't know what I was expecting to see when I made it down the large flight of stairs, but it definitely wasn't a whole sex dungeon. My jaw dropped as the others laughed at my shock.
“Come on, darling! There’s no need to be afraid.” THE Pure Vanilla said gently. I felt myself flush. I had been harboring a bit of a celebrity crush on him ever since he had come by the Faerie Kingdom and saved White Lily Cookie. I let him take my hand and guide me over to the guillotine in the corner. Not where I thought this was going, but alright. The small red cookie grabbed my head and shoved it down hard into the neck-holder thingy. She flew up using her small devil wings and lowered the top part, leaving me trapped. The heavy wood atop my neck, pinning me in place, made me feel a wave of anxiety as I felt, but couldn’t see, the others surrounding me. I panicked and tried to jerk away, but couldn’t. Before I hurt myself on the hard wood of the guillotine, Black Sapphire Cookie (blacksapphireblacksapphireBLACKSAPPHIRE) walked around to the front, where I could see him, and gently caressed my cheek.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” He reassured me. “I was scared my first time too, but… I’ll make sure the others are gentle. No one will hurt you while I’m around.” He kissed me once, softly, on the lips, and then pulled away with a small smile. He walked around to the other end of the guillotine, and the show began.
I could hear clothes being stripped off, but couldn't see anything but a circle of ceiling above me. I saw Pure Vanilla walk around to the front of the guillotine and slowly take my head in his hands. He angled my head till my neck was stretched as far as it could go with the top of my head nearly falling off. I had never seen THE Pure Vanilla naked before, but… damn. He was somehow twinky but muscular at the same time. And goodness gracious was he big. I didn’t have to just see it anymore, though. He made sure I felt it too, as he lined up and then forced my mouth open to accommodate him. He thrust into my mouth, gaining steam as he went. I allowed myself to enjoy the sensation. It felt like old fantasies coming true. He was THE Pure Vanilla after all. I began returning his affection, tilting my head as much as I could to better please him and moaning when he did something I liked. My gag reflex was really kicking in, and I was trying to ignore it, but I felt myself involuntarily choking around the mass in my mouth. I could feel some wetness beginning to slither its way into my throat. I saw Candy Apple out of the corner of my eye. She was holding something that glinted off the light. As a huge grin spread over her face, she slashed the object towards me, but Black Sapphire (blacksaaaaapphireblacksapphireeeeeeblaaaacksaaaaaaahhhhpphire) grabbed her arm and wrenched it back. I could hear him saying, “NO Candy Apple. You can just go around fucking stabbing total strangers just because they’re in your bed.” I felt a twinge of fear. She was trying to stab me???? Before I could think too hard about that, I heard a loud groan from above me as a huge wave of vanilla extract entered my mouth. I choked on the too-sweet taste of it and some dribbled out of my mouth and onto the floor below.
“Oh, right, I forgot.” Came Black Sapphire’s (Blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) voice. He began monologuing about lobsters, which apparently THE Pure Vanilla enjoyed quite a bit, as I felt him getting harder and harder in my mouth as his voice droned on. I didn’t have time to fully appreciate this, however, as I felt a pair of hands grip my thighs and pull my legs apart. I whimpered as I felt the person (evidently THE Shadow Milk) enter me and groan as his dough slid against mine. I twitched and I felt my whole body shudder. I was gasping for air at this point, and THE Pure Vanilla seemed to understand this and gently removed himself, letting me breathe. I appreciated the gesture, but I wasn’t able to thank him through the panting breaths and gasps that tore through me. As THE Shadow Milk continued to have his way with me, I could feel slimy tendrils of darkness confining my limbs to the bed. I still couldn't see anything, but that only enhanced what I could feel. THE Shadow Milk growled with each thrust as he explored my body, and I was starting to get tired. Thank goodness, my savior arrived in the form of Black Sapphire (blakcasaphireblackpsahpireblacksenpaireblacksaphhiriee), who seemed to sense this and with one sentence, “Master, I think he’s had enough…” took out all of THE Shadow Milk’s remaining willpower as he finished immediately, cool milk flooding me. It’s safe to say I would never forget that night.
Black Sapphire Cookie
I had found Silverbell afterwards, looking slightly traumatized but overall satiated. He had been shy throughout the entire night, slow to open himself up to us. Which was reasonable, I suppose. We did have him strapped to a medieval torture device typically used to chop people's head off. I carefully placed myself next to him on the loveseat he was perched on.
“You doing alright?” I asked. He nodded and looked far off into the distance.
“Yeah. That was…that was…um, very…interesting. Pretty unique experience actually.” He tucked a lock of frosting behind his ear. I laughed.
“Yeah, we're a very unique bunch. Did you enjoy it, even a little?” I crossed my fingers out of his sight. I prayed to every God I could think of, because this cookie had saved me right when I needed it most. If he stuck around, I could return the favor. Plus, we could have actually have proper sex, just the two of us. My wings began flapping at the thought. I instantly grabbed them and tried to stop the fluttering before Silverbell could see.
“I mean most parts were enjoyable, except for the stabbing part but- hey, are you trying to fly off? We just started talking! Sick of me already, huh?” He teased. I turned bright red, probably a sickly shade of brown on my violet dough, as my wings began flapping faster.
“Uh, uhm… I- yeah, no, yeah, uh…” I said helpfully. God, this was embarrassing. I began praying to the same God's from earlier, this time praying that they would kill me right here to end my suffering.
Silverbell just laughed harder at my stammering, with a slight tinge of pink coating his face. He was adorable as he fell over and shook with loud, sweet giggles.
“OK, so you are sick of me then? I better just leave then.” He laughed. I'm glad he was in good spirits, because this was possibly the worst moment of my entire life. Then, he began actually getting up. My face instantly fell. Did he…actually want to leave? I couldn't let this happen, I just couldn't. To hell with acting normal, I couldn't just sit here and let one of the only good parts of my life leave. I quickly stood after him and ran and tackled him. I laughed to play off how desperately I wanted to keep to talking to him.
“Oh whoops, haha, clumsy me- oh.” I was just a few inches away from his face as I lay on top of him. I swallowed as I realized how trapped he must feel, but was too captivated to move. He didn't blink as he slowly reached up a hand behind my head, and I could feel a slight pressure on the base of my skull. Ever so slowly, he drew closer to me, so that our mouths were almost touching. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his wings pounding against the floor, with a loud thump every time. I could feel my own flapping with the same fervor, but I didn't dare move as the distance between us grew smaller. Finally, his mouth met mine.
Silverbell Cookie
Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire) and I had been talking a lot over the last few weeks. Though I hadn’t trusted him at first, he had a sort of inherent charm, some sort of charisma that made talking to him addicting. The way he played with words, his surprisingly awkward laugh, his deep violet blush that reached to his neck, all of it just made him more appealing. His looks were an added bonus (a very cool bonus), but his personality was what I think really caused me to fall. And fall I did. Every time he walked into the room, I couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement, and my wings would begin flapping involuntarily. It gave me a burst of guilty pleasure when I could make his wings flap too. It was so cute to see him flustered, since he was usually all suave and extroverted.
Recently, I had been trying to be as openly flirtatious as possible in order to get this effect, and though I felt a tad bit guilty, it was outweighed by the joy that overtook me every time I found success. I was very slowly starting to become braver around him, braver around everyone, and a bit more confident in myself. Being with Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphireblacksapphire) made me feel like I was worth something. He made me feel valued, the way he grinned at me, the way his wings fluttered. However, I was a bit scared. He hadn’t seen me naked since that very first time. A lot had been going on when we had originally met, and when I was in the guillotine, I had been chest-down. I wasn’t sure how he would react to finding out that I was trans (well, if our relationship even got that far. I'm sure he had noticed at some point that I didn't have a… bee stinger down there. However, there was a lot happening, and he may not have fully processed or understood it. I just hoped I wouldn't disappoint him. I was staking a lot on him seeing me naked again). Another thing I wasn't sure how he would react to was him finding out I was a murderer.
Later
I was talking with Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) about his… questionable career choices. I had asked him why he had chosen to follow Shadow Milk in spreading all of his malicious lies across Earthbread, but I wasn’t ready for his response.
“Well, I find comfort in lying. When the world is too hard to bear, I pretend it isn't real. Lying may not be the best thing that I could be doing with my time. But, hey, it could be a lot worse! At least I don’t like… kill people or anything. Lying gives me a way to escape, an out.”
I felt like I had been thrown out of my body. I stumbled back, shock flitting across my face.
“um- are you ok?” I heard as I ran out of the room. I felt sick to my stomach as I sprinted as far away as I could. I found my way to the bathroom in a daze, unable to handle the fact that I had actually murdered someone. My own little brother too. I threw up my guts into the toilet. I drew an arm across my face as I flushed the toilet and began tripping over myself to get out. I needed air.
I barely heard my feet slapping the ground rhythmically as I got as far as possible. I could see the city before me as I wiped tears out of my eyes. I was a murderer. Everyone knew it. Black Sapphire would hate me if he found out. It was better that I leave now. Besides, I couldn't stand to be around him a moment longer, knowing that I was living on borrowed time with him. I didn't stop to catch my breath as I ran past cookies of all shapes and sizes, blurred through my tears. I was forever marred by my past, and not even the kindest cookie could get past my mistakes. Even if it was an accident, I was and always will be a murderer.
Black Sapphire Cookie
I had been left alone. Again. I didn’t know if it was something I had said or something I had done, but Silverbell had run away from me like I was diseased. Maybe I was. I felt so sick and dizzy, so lost without him. He had run away and I couldn’t find him. I had been looking for days. I had no way to contact him, and my hopeless calls fell on deaf ears. The silence where he had used to be cut me like a knife. I had been completely useless since he had left. I had laid in bed and let the silence consume me for hours on end, even though it felt like I was being crushed under the weight of my loneliness. Eventually, Master Shadow Milk Cookie decided that something needed to be done about how incredibly worthless I was being. He tried sitting with me and telling me stupid jokes. He tried propositioning me. He tried arranging hang outs with the group. He tried asking me outright what he could do to help. I didn’t answer him. The silence had taken over me, and I could no longer speak. I had already accepted that I wouldn’t escape the torturous quiet until Silverbell was back or I was gone. Whichever came first. My dough was getting dry and I hadn’t eaten in a few days, when Master Shadow Milk Cookie finally proposed a solution.
He walked into my room one day to check on me and was met with the same dark, messy cave that it always was. I was still laying on my bed, in the same position as I had been yesterday, and the day before that. “Yknow… you should at least move a little bit. You don’t wanna get stuck like that, heheheee!” He was trying to cheer me up again. I moved my head to look at him. “Oh, you actually moved! Good job!! Hey, listen, I’ve been thinking. You would stop moping around like this if you got your little boy toy back, right? Well, what if you reached him through a radio broadcast? You get your man back and I get my servant to actually do his job again! It’s a win win!!” Though I hated the way Master Shadow Milk Cookie talked about Silverbell, my ears perked up at his idea. It just might actually work.
“…okay” I mumbled. My voice came out cracked and broken, but Master Shadow Milk Cookie seemed thrilled.
“Great!” He exclaimed. “Let’s get you back into that tower!!”
Seeing the tower hurt a lot. This was where I had first kissed Silverbell. However, this only gave me a new determination to get him back. I took a deep breath and raised my mic to my lips.
Silverbell Cookie
My ears perked up as I heard Black Sapphire's radio broadcast. I had tried to listen for them since I left, but it appeared that he wanted nothing to do with me, not even allow me to hear him anymore. Today I heard his rich voice crackling from the speaker above me. “that's all the gossip for today! I know I haven't been keeping up on my broadcasts recently, but you’ll be hearing me daily From here on out!” So his life had returned to normal without me, just how it should have been. I tried not to feel disappointed.
“And one more thing before I sign off: Silverbell. If you're out there listening to this, I need you to hear my words. I need you to come back. The reason I haven't been doing my broadcasts is because You've been missing, and the only reason I've started them back up is because I needed to find you. I miss you. The silence without you has been suffocating. Please come back. This is Black Sapphire Cookie, signing off.” I stared At the speaker a moment longer, making sure I hadnt hallucinated it. Did Black Sapphire…truly care about me? I knew We were friends, perhaps sexual partners, but we certainly hadn't connected in any other way. He didn't care for me the way I did for him. This, I had accepted. I stood, compelled by his words. I took a deep breath and began walking back in the direction of my Black Sapphire.
Black Sapphire cookie
As Silverbell walked back into the spire, he glanced around before entering, seemingly unsure of where to go. I ran towards him before he saw me and scooped him up into a hug. I laughed and spun him around before setting him back down. I suddenly realized how forward I had been. He didn't care for me the way I did for him. I had to remember that. I cleared my throat and looked down at the ground.
“Thank you for…saying all that over the broadcast. Your words meant a lot to me.”
I felt elated, just by hearing the sound of his voice. I smiled at him.
“Welcome back, Silverbell.”
I could see the sun setting in the distance behind me, and it looked gorgeous. I got an idea, and motioned him to follow me. He seemed confused but didn't ask questions as I led him up to the radio tower. I opened the window in the corner.
“um…I dont think that this is safe-” he said before I grabbed him and threw myself up onto the roof. I blushed at the feeling of his small body in my arms, but didn't dare hold on longer than necessary. I backed away as he spun to take in his surroundings. I procured the bottle of wine that I kept in the gutter for emergencies, and held it out to him. He took it hesitantly.
“Um…is now a bad time to mention that I have a fear of heights?” He laughed nervously. Shit. I should have asked for consent before just catapulting him up here without warning.
“Fuck, Im so sorry. We can get down…” I trailed off. “Wait, don’t you have wings?” He turned red and nodded. “Um…maybe, yeah?” I looked at the very real and very there wings that he was actively fluttering and decided that just this once, consent could fuck off. I pushed him off the roof. I heard a high pitched scream of fear as he fell. I looked over, suddenly regretful. What if he couldn't get his wings open in time? What if they were broken or something? If he died tonight, I would never be able to forgive myself. I dove off the roof after him, but almost crashed into Silverbell flying straight up, the opposite direction. I flew back up towards him as he landed back on the roof.
“What the fuck was that for?” He asked, glaring at me. “Ummm…. sorry?” I said. “Here! Have some wine!” I attempted to distract him, popping open the bottle. He grabbed it from me with a dirty look and took a big swig. Dang. I hadn’t known he could even drink like that. However, I was right as he nearly spit it back up, coughing on it. I mean, to be fair I had almost killed him. He must be in need of some alcohol. I chuckled and watched as he took a much smaller sip from it. I could already see the blush coming into his cheeks. Apparently he had ZERO tolerance. I grabbed the bottle from him and gulped it down. I sighed as the chilled wine flooded my throat. I couldn’t wait for the effect to kick in, so I took another swig before handing the bottle back to Silverbell. He took a slightly larger sip than earlier, and kept going. “Um, maybe you should slow down…it seems like your alcohol tolerance is really low-” I warned, but I was cut off by his giggling. “It's kinda warm up here. Warmer than usual, I think. Hey, I have an idea! We should go flyingggg. Shoom!” He said the last part while swinging his arm in front of him, I guess representative of us flying together? I laughed, still not feeling particularly drunk yet, but agreed. I took one last gulp, nearly finishing the bottle with it.
I rose off the roof, holding my hand out for Silverbell to steady himself as he flew up after me. He took it and giggled again. I could hear his wings flapping unevenly as he clutched my hand to keep him steady.
He was flying a little lopsided, but still flew upwards towards the sky covered in oranges and pinks. We danced through the clouds for a few minutes, not really caring where we went. The sunlight on his iridescent wings almost blinded me, as did his easy smile. I had forgotten how long we had been up here, but we had flown further than I had thought possible. I had gotten too lost looking at him to look at where I was going.
I suddenly laughed, way harder than was at all necessary. I could feel a hazy fog entering my mind, and a blush spreading across my face. I guess the wine did actually do something after all.
“Siiiiilverbellllll…” I said, testing out the syllables on my tongue. “Why are there two of you?” I asked, squinting at his twin figures. He cackled, swooping around while saying, “I think you're even more drunk than I am!”
“No wayyyy~!” I blustered. “Yurr OBVUSHLY wayyyy more drunk,” I slurred. “druuuunk. Hehhee. I noht druhmk i swuhrrrrrr, hehufhheehhh” I suddenly saw his now-sideways figure speeding away from me, and realized I was falling. I was too dizzy on the wine to right myself, and I plummeted downwards while laughing. Silverbell's blurry figure slowly grew closer and closer, until he grabbed me. “Fly, you idiot, fly!” He yelled in my ear.
“WhywouldIflyyyyhhh when I've already fallen for youooooouuhhhh~~~~~?” I whispered to him with a wink. He rolled his eyes at my flirting. He slowed my descent until we finally reached the ground, where a loud ringing filled my ears. I rubbed at them until I realized that it was screaming from the throng of people around us. The sound pierced my head until the drunk fog cleared.
“BLACK SAPPHIRE COOKIE!!!!! I LISTEN TO YOUR SHOW EVERY DAY!!! PLEASE STEP ON ME!!!!!”
“BLACK SAPPHIRE COOKIE!!!! I HAVE A BODY PILLOW OF YOU!!!!! IM YOUR BIGGEST FANNNN!!!!”
“BLACK SAPPHIRE COOKIE!!!! I JERK OFF TO YOUR BROADCASTS!!!! PLEASE BE MY HUSBAND!!!!”
“BLACK SAPPHIRE COOKIE!!!!!! I WANT TO KIDNAP YOU AND PHOTOGRAPH YOU NAKED IN AN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE AND LEAVE YOU TIED UP FOR THE RATS!!!”
I shuddered at the last one, a creepy looking guy with greasy frosting and a smile that didn't reach his soul jamless eyes. Silverbell looked around, slowly growing more and more red until steam was practically coming out of his ears.
“HEY! GET OUT OF HERE! SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, BUT HE'S MINE!!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!” I heard Silverbell screaming from his tiny throat. My adoring, yet freaky-ass fans slowly began shrinking back into the shadows while muttering to themselves and giving Silverbell dirty looks.
“I'm yourssss, huh?” I said, giving him a crooked grin after everyone had left. He turned bright red, and looked at the ground.
“Um…you're still drunk. You don't know what you're talking about. Let's get you back home.” he said, glancing behind him. We flew, although a little sloppily, but finally landed back onto the roof of my radio towers.
Silverbell Cookie
My heart dropped out of my chest as I saw a very drunk Black Sapphire plummeting towards his death. I frantically tried to catch him, diving after his limp body that was still giggling like a maniac. I managed to slow his fall and we landed on the ground, near a large group of people. As soon as they saw him, their eyes lit up. A group of them ran up to us and swarmed him. They started trying to hump him before I shooed them off. They started screaming about the different ways that they were obsessed with him. I heard some very concerning things. One of them, a greasy looking cookie with a slippery smile, even threatened to kidnap him. This is when I lost my cool. I began screaming at them nonsensically. He was mine. They didn't even know him, and how amazing he truly was. All they knew was a voice on a radio, and they didn't deserve him. Eventually, they slunk off into the shadows. Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire) looked up at me, with an adorable lopsided grin. “Im yourssss, huh?” He whispered in my ear, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The effect was more cute than sexy, but points for effort. Still, I hadn’t thought about the fact that he had heard me saying that. I mumbled something about him being drunk and ushered him back home, hoping that the drink would wash it away and he would forget by morning.
Black Sapphire Cookie
Silverbell was… cute. I had to admit it. And recently, his painful shyness had given way to a much more forward personality. The way he looked at me made me feel things that I had never felt before, not even for Shadow Milk Cookie. The things I wanted to do to him… The things I wanted him to do to me… they couldn’t be spoken aloud for decency’s sake. The soft buzzing of his wings fluttering made my heart flutter as well. Almost every time I was around him, I could feel myself flapping too, uncontrollably. By the end of our conversations, I was always hovering a few inches off the ground, my feet dangling just above the floor as my wings worked overtime (and my self-consciousness worked overtime to make them stop). I hated how awkward I was around him. It was uncomfortable, but even with that, I still kept coming back. I was like an addict. I was starting to think that maybe it was because the times when I was around him were the only times I was being real. I was finally being my true self, and even though it was hard, I soon came to find that I needed our talks like air. He had full control over my thoughts even in my sleep. I would often find myself woken up in the middle of the night, hovering a foot off the bed, blankets thrown off and wings flapping insatiably. In fact, it was one of these nights when I woke up when something happened.
I had woken up from a particularly… explicit dream, to find that I was suspended in midair by my frantically flapping wings and soaked in sweat. My sheets were still half tangled around me, and I kicked them off as I fluttered to the ground. It was no use going back to bed right away, I was too wide awake. I decided to go to the bathroom and splash some water on myself, just to refresh myself. I was awfully hot. However, in the hallway, I ran into none other than Silverbell. He looked like he was crying, small droplets of liquid chrome, but he wiped them away so quickly that I almost thought it was my imagination.
“Hey….” he mumbled. “I..- I have to tell you something.” I looked at him reassuringly.
“O-of course, anything!” I said, in the most comforting tone I could conjure. I hated seeing him scared like this.
“Let’s- can we- I- I mean, can we go somewhere more- well, more- private??” He asked. I felt a blush come flooding back into my cheeks and my traitorous wings began to flap yet again. I prayed to whatever gods existed that it was too dark for him to see. All I could conjure in response to his question was a hasty nod, but he seemed to take it well enough. He dragged me into his room, and before I even had the chance to blink, stripped off his shirt. I was shocked, but I immediately turned away in an attempt to respect his privacy. I had no idea what was going on, but he was never like this, so I felt that something must be wrong. Still, I couldn’t keep my thoughts from going wild. I wanted to look, more than anything. It was killing me to stay turned away, but- but I had to- for him… Eventually (what felt like forever but was actually approx. 10 seconds max) the temptation became too much for me, and I chanced a quick look back, only to quickly look away again after a small glimpse of his still-stripped body, smooth white dough shining in the small sliver of moonlight that slipped through the window. My heart was beating way too fast. I wanted him, but I wanted him to want me too. But… was that what this was?? I was so so confused. I just wanted him to be clear about his feelings. As soon as that thought hit my mind, I felt a pang of guilt wrack me. I had no right to demand truthfulness from another cookie.
“It’s okay. Black Sapphire” (here he mumbled something unintelligible under his breath) “You can look. I want you to see.” My heart stopped. I slowly turned around. I was practically trembling. But when I saw him, I felt my stomach fall. His body was covered in scars of all shapes, sizes, and severities. Though I had seen the ones on his arms, I hadn’t gotten a chance to really see the other ones. He had a bunch, but the main ones that I noticed were the large, identical scars on his chest.
“Oh my Sugar!” I cried before I could stop myself. I stepped towards him, but he backed away from my advance. I froze. I had just wanted to make sure he was okay, but he looked upset. He began shaking, and grabbed his cloak off the floor to cover his chest.
“I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have showed you… I, I know, I…”
I cut him off before he spiraled the way I could see he was going to. “No!!! No, you didn’t do anything wrong!! Don’t cry, look, just… Hey! Hey, don’t cry, okay??? Just, just listen… please… are you okay?? Are you.. do you need… I mean… please. I just hate seeing you hurt. I've never seen self harm scars that bad…”
Silverbell blinked up at me through tears. “what?” he asked. “these aren't scars from that. I…these scars are from my…top surgery,” he said, looking down.
“You… your what?? For what? What happened to you that you needed surgery so bad? Those scars… look painful.” My heart hurt. I wished I knew what Silverbell had gone through. I wished I could understand him, I could help him…
“i- im trans. I transitioned from a girl to a boy a while ago. I thought you might like to know before we get involved any further.”
I felt my heart stop for the third time that night. I could hardly hear anything other than “get involved further”. The words spun in my head, but I forced myself to try and understand the other parts of what he said. I didn’t realize how long I had been silently staring at him, lost in my thoughts, until he spoke.
“I completely understand if you hate me now, or- or think Im gross or something, but this is who I am, so you-”
I cut him off quickly with a kiss. I said everything I couldn’t put into words; how I would always support him no matter what, how I could never find him gross, how I loved him…
When we finally pulled apart, Silverbell looked so relieved that I felt warmth spreading through my chest with the knowledge that I had done something right, I had made him happy.
“I was so sure… I was so sure you would hate me.” Silverbell said. Tears were still running down his face, but his massive grin revealed his joy.
“I don't exactly know what being…trans means, but Im willing to learn. For you.” I gave him a soft smile.
“so, basically, about 15 years ago, I was a girl. That was the gender I was born as, but it didn't feel like me. I don't know if that makes sense, but being referred to as a girl made me really uncomfortable - like I was wearing shoes that weren't my size. After I had been feeling that way for a while, it had gotten to the point where I hated showering or seeing myself at all because I hated the way that my body felt. I always wore baggy clothes or showered with the lights off to hide myself. When I talked to Elder Faerie Cookie about it he helped me to get surgery so that my body felt like my own again, and he started calling me a boy and everything, and since then I’ve started getting a lot better. I’m just… everything just feels more right now. Im a lot more confident in my own skin now. And I know it can sound weird, but I hope you can accept me because this is just who I am, and I don’t know why, but that’s just the way that it is. So I…. uh… I hope that’s okay. With you. …iknowyousaidyouwouldnthatemebutpleasedonthateme……
When Silverbell finished his explanation, I didn’t even leave time for him to think before I hugged him.
“Silverbell, I don’t care. All I care about is if you're happy and safe. Do I understand any of this? Still no. But I understand that you were hurting before and now you’re not. That’s the only thing that’s important to me. I lo- umm… I’ll look into what it actually means more too for you. So I can make sure I do the right thing.”
I could see tears still streaming down his face, despite the shit-eating grin he was wearing.
“Okay,” he said. Silverbell let me examine his large scars a moment more before grabbing his shirt and pulling it back on quickly. I could tell he was still a little insecure, despite my reassurances.
He looked up at me through his eyelashes. “Um…will you…sleep in my room tonight? I can set up something on the floor, I just….want you there. I get nightmares sometimes. And… you’re the only one I trust. The others don’t know and I just don’t feel comfortable…. yknow… yeah.”
I hastily agreed, even though I longed to be closer than on the floor. Baby steps in the right direction.
“I'll be your knight in shining armor,” I said with a wink. He doubled over in laughter.
“That just might be the cringiest thing you've ever said to me,” he said in between giggles. I was just happy that I was the one responsible for his joy.
That night I couldn’t sleep. I lay on the floor and watched Silverbell sleep, mesmerized by the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out, in and out. I was so absorbed in watching him that it felt like the rest of the room, hell, of all of earthbread, disappeared and it was just the two of us. I wanted to tell him just how much I cared about him, but I could hardly admit my feelings to myself, much less him.
My thoughts were cut off as he rolled over with a cute little moan of discomfort and mumbled something under his breath in his sleep. I couldn’t hear what it was, so I got closer in case he did it again. He did. This time, I could make it out. “black sapphire black sapphire black sapphire” were the words he was murmuring, over and over again. I felt my whole body burn red with blush, realizing just how close I was to him now that I had stepped up to the bed. I couldn’t believe he was talking about me in his sleep. I couldn’t believe he was thinking about me. I felt the strong urge to kiss him and tried to resist it. He was sleeping, it was wrong. Fortunately, right as I went to walk back to my spot on the floor, I hear a voice from behind me mumble “Black Sapphire??? What are you doing up??? It’s late, you should get some sleep.”
I scrambled to think of something to say other than “I was watching you sleep”. Luckily, I was a good liar.
“oh, I…. just, was having trouble falling asleep on the floor is all.” I stammered.
“Oh. Well, I don’t mean to keep you here. You can go back to your room if you like…”
“NO!!!! I mean, errr… I want to stay, I really do. I don’t want to leave you.” God, how pathetic could I possibly sound?? What was wrong with me?
“Well…” Silverbell replied. “Maybe… you could… sleep with me?” His face turned bright blue as he realized what he had said. “I- I mean-!!! Like, sleep in my bed. No contact necessary, hehee… ummmm… sorry that was so embarrassing.”
“No, don’t worry at all! I, umm… either option is fine with me, I mean. No contact or…” I let my eyes rove slowly over his body “… otherwise.”
Apparently, this was all the permission he needed to sweep me up into a frantic kiss. He grabbed my face and I fell onto the bed on top of him as I leaned into is lips. I scrambled fully atop the bed, letting my hands tangle in his hair as I felt his tounge feeling around my mouth. Though it felt way too short, we were both panting by the time we broke apart. I wanted more, more, more, as much as I could take from him, but thankfully my willpower was stronger than my instincts and I managed to pull myself off of him long enough to ask “c- consent?? Can, can we, uhhh….”
He cut me off with another kiss, this one even more aggressive. I let myself collapse back onto him as his dough pressed against mine. I had never hated my stupid clothes so much. When we broke apart, he groaned a “Yes. Consent. all the consents….” I took this as my cue to rip off my too-hot clothes and fling them on the floor. Ironically, they landed where I had been supposed to sleep originally. So much for that.
I was practically euphoric. I don’t remember how Silverbell got his clothes off, but before long I was kissing him everywhere, on his face, his jaw, his neck, his shoulders, his collarbone… I paused before I got to his chest. I wasn’t sure how sensitive he was about that area, and I didn’t want to hurt him. But then I remembered how he had kissed my scars that first time, and I tried to do the same thing. I gently worked my way down to the scars from his surgery and started letting my lips graze them. I was going as softly as possible, and I paused to glance up at Silverbell for approval. To my surprise, he giggled.
“It’s okay, silly. I’m glad you care, but I promise I’m fine. I’m not as fragile as you think.” He gave me a grin that knocked the breath out of me for a full ten seconds. I was frozen staring at him until my breath came back, and with it, my clawing hunger for every inch of his dough could touch. I began kissing his scars, loving the sound of his moans. He had felt nothing yet. I had been gentle still because I didn’t want to reopen any wounds, but that didn’t last long when I got down to his legs. I spread them wide to survey my feast. My eyes flicked over every part of him that I would make my own tonight, and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I let out a small growl as I began licking the space between his thighs, starting out soft and getting rougher as I went. Each of his moans was like a prize, egging me on as I sought for more, more, more. I could feel his legs constricting around me as he curled inwards, his thighs tight around my face. He let out a sudden gasp and I felt a squeeze from his legs around me as I bit down. I was still trying to be gentle but oh sugar he felt good. I continued nibbling until I felt delicious sticky liquid seeping into me. I lapped it up like a dog, hungry for more of him. His pollen coated my tongue and I drew back for air as I heard him cry out my name. Ohhhh, I had never loved hearing my name so much. He repeated it at least three times, and though I had no idea why, I certainly wasn’t complaining. I pulled myself back up so that our faces met, and though I was still breathless, I kissed him hard. He bit my lip in return and I let out a moan of my own.
Shit. I had just realized how loud we were being. We would probably be caught any minute, and though I didn’t care what the others would say, I couldn’t bear to be interrupted yet again. With this new desire to finish uninterrupted, I decided to speed things up a little. I squirmed until I was flush with him and he let me inside without hesitation. I began thrusting, starting slow and working up momentum as I went. I heard him whimpering and moaning as I picked up speed, getting more and more aggressive. The way our bodies pushed and pulled, rolling and crashing into each other like waves, was so addictive to me that I could hardly think of anything else. Silverbell had been playing the part of being submissive and meek all night, but now he let out a vicious growl as he bit me hard on the neck and let his fingers dig into my back, scraping downwards. I knew both of those would leave a mark tomorrow, but I didn’t care as I finally felt my tension release, a wave of delicious, white hot agony rolling through me and swirling into him as wine soaked the sheets. I was in near delirium as I felt myself lose my strength and collapse fully into his warmth, laying there for a few seconds in the haze of his body and my dizzying feelings for him. I didn’t want to call it what it was. I didn’t want to call it love. Whatever I called it, the feeling kept me laying against his body until a wave of reality and terror hit me suddenly as I realized what I had done. I was being way too forward with him. The sex had been fun, but this- laying in his arms, my hand entangled with his, feeling his gentle breathing, the rhythm of our heartbeats- this was too much. He had only invited me into his bed either to fuck or to actually sleep, not to do cuddly romantic things. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. If I got too close to him, if I actually showed him my true colors regarding my feelings for him… he would leave just like everyone else did, and I would be all alone again. I quickly crawled off of him, letting go of him and allowing his hand to fall to the mattress. I made my way to the other side of the bed and curled up away from him, pretending like I was going to sleep (Ha. That wouldn’t be happening tonight.). I probably should’ve said something before just leaving like that, but I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t trust myself not to go and say something stupid. Even as I felt him shift away to his side of the bed, I felt the words crawling around in my mind like worms, curling over themselves, torturing me. I love you. I love you. I love you- No. I didn’t. I couldn’t let myself get attached to anyone. I was destined to be alone and that was fine. I was fine. I closed my eyes and attempted to shut out the words. Though our silence pressed down on me like a weight, like the air was too thick, pushing on me and constricting my lungs, I forced my mouth shut. This was better for both of us.
Silverbell Cookie
As Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire) crawled away from me and back to his side of the bed, I felt a deep ache in the pit of my stomach. It seemed like he didnt want anything to do with me now that the fun part was over. He just wanted to get a good night's sleep. I turned my body to face away from him and towards my nightstand.
Once he was done playing with me, he was done with me. Well, fine. If that's how our relationship is going to work, then that's on him. I pretended to be angry, to feel unhurt by this, but a tear leaked out onto my pillow. I could feel a sob threatening to burst out, but I held it in. I could hear the gentle breathing coming from his side of the bed and figured he was asleep. Slowly, I climbed out of bed and tiptoed over to the bathroom where I could cry in peace. Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) may have only wanted a fuck buddy, but I wasnt that type of cookie. Emotionally, I was committed to him. I could only pray that this wasn't my fatal flaw.
Black Sapphire Cookie
I didn’t realize I had actually fallen asleep until I woke up the next morning and Silverbell was gone. A pang of hurt hit me like a freight train. I had expected him to leave, but I hadn’t expected him to leave so soon. Not like this. I wasn’t ready to be alone again, not yet. I got up, found my clothes on the floor, and put them on, still bleary eyed and tired from the night before. When I went to the bathroom to dress, though, I found Silverbell sleeping strewn out on the floor.
The first thing I did was panic. Was he hurt? Was he okay? Was he dying? Did I do this to him? My spiraling, overprotective thoughts were stopped when he blinked up at me.
“Ohhh, Black Sapphire (murmur murmur)! You’re here… Is it morning already, heehee??? Sorry… I wanted to give you a little space. It’s a small bed.” I helped him to his feet. I couldn’t help feeling guilty. Forcing him out of his own bed… or just being so unlikable that he slept on the bathroom floor just so that he didn’t have to be with me. Neither option was great.
“Hey, don’t worry about it!” I exclaimed. “The bed is fine. I don’t need that much space, I swear. I would rather sleep in a small bed with you than in a big bed all alone.” I mentally cursed myself as soon as the words left my mouth. Could I be any more forward? I needed to consider his feelings first of all.
“Soo…. what you’re saying is that you want this to be a reoccurring thing.” Silverbell said with a sly smile.
“Euuuuhhh…. Yes. Yes, I do.” I confirmed, feeling my wings beginning to flap. Silverbell’s responding giggle told me all I needed to know.
I slept in his bed from then on.
Silverbell Cookie
Bronze was laying in the dirt, bleeding out just like he had a million times over in my dreams. Sometimes, i dreamt that he forgave me. Those were always my favorite versions. Today, he looked malicious. “its your fault. This is all Your fault! I would still be alive if it wasnt for you.” He spat The words at me.
“I KNOW! I KNOW ITS MY FAULT” I screamed at him, tears running down my face. I Felt his sticky syrup coating my hands, even though I hadnt touched him. I felt the stickiness creep up my hands to my arms to my chest to my stomach, All the way down my body, covering everything but my head. I could still see him, lying in the mud. The syrup finally crept towards my face, a small mercy as the silver covered my eyes so I didn't have to see my mistakes dying before me. i had a feeling that his syrup would coat me for all eternity. I began Choking on the substance filling my mouth, and covering my nose. I couldnt breathe. As I gasped for air, I could hear yhe faint sound of Bronze saying my name, over and over again. I was suffocating. I tried to claw at anything nearby, desperately trying to escape. Bronze's gentle voice suddenly morphed into black sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) screaming my name and shaking me. I awoke with a start.
I could still feel the syrup coating my dough, and I shoved myself away. I scrubbed desperately at my skin, trying to get Bronze's murder off of me. I blinked as I realized that I was only coated in sweat. I was shaking and breathing fast as Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire) guided me back onto the bed that we had begun sharing.
“Shh…its alright. It was only a nightmare. I've got you.” He held me close as I sobbed into his arms.
“It was- it was Bronze, and he was…he was dying and it w-was all my fault and I couldnt get his syrup off of me…” I rambled at him nonsensically. He only nodded and gently drew me closer. I was still trembling, but I began catching my breath as his warmth grounded me. I sighed, deep and long into his bare chest. The sweat coating me still felt eerily like Bronze's syrup, but I felt safe in Black Sapphire's (black sapphire black sapphire) arms. Not trusting my voice, I held up a finger to signal that I would be right back. I climbed out of our bed and went into the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face, and looked at myself in the mirror. “It's not your fault,” I whispered. I took one last breath before reentering the bedroom. I climbed under the covers and snuggled close to Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire). We spooned the rest of the night, and I didnt have any more nightmares while beside him. His warm embrace was the only thing keeping me from shattering completely.
“I love you,” I whispered into the room. I knew he was asleep, but I said it anyway. Maybe someday, he would love me back.
Black Sapphire Cookie.
“I love you.” Whispered in a dark room when he thought I was asleep. I wasn’t. The words penetrated the dark, the silence, like knives cutting through the ties I had placed on my heart and finally letting it breathe. “I love you.” Three words that I had wanted to say to him so many times, words that had tortured me and rendered me silent for weeks now. I couldn’t believe he had gotten up the strength to say those three words aloud first. Although…Silverbell wouldn't do that. He was too shy to say anything especially without warning. No, he would never do that. I furrowed my brow. This must be a dream. I had fallen back asleep, because there was no way that this was reality. Plus. I knew that Silverbell didn't love me. He slept on the bathroom floor, for sugars sake, just so he didn't have to spend any more time with me. I understood. This was just how the world worked. I was dealt the cards that would keep me alone forever. Even if I loved him with every beat of my heart. “I love you too,” I whispered into the quiet room. If it was only a dream, at least I could prove that I could say those words at all. I heard a gasp from the small body I was curled up against. He turned away from me and gave me wide eyes.
“I didn’t think you were awake” he said, mortified.
“Yeah…. me neither.” I responded. This was a dream. I had to remember that. I couldn't go thinking that Silverbell actually had any real feelings for me. My heart was enough out in the line as it was already. Fuck it. If this was a dream, at least it was a happy one, and I planned on taking full advantage.
I grabbed his face and pressed his forehead against mine.
“I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you” I whispered. I could hear heavy breathing as he said it back just as many times. “Even if I never actually say those words to you, I said them here. Surely that counts for something.” Silverbell pulled back and gave me a look. “What do you mean “never actually say them?” You're saying them right now. Because we are in love.” I laughed at Silverbell's confusion.
“You silly Silverbell. You know that this is a dream as much as I do.” His wings flapped slightly at the nickname, but he pulled back again. “This…isn't a dream. Right?” He looked down at the comforter, as if searching for answers.
“I- I think it is?” I said, beginning to doubt myself. Shit, if this was real, that meant I had just admitted my feeling to Silverbell. Fuck.
“No no no no. This cant be real.” I said. Silverbell and I slowly looked up at eachother. We held each others stares as reality sank in.
“Holy shit this is real.” I let my head drop into my hands in horror. This was very quickly becoming more of a nightmare than any dream. “This is real and I just told you I love you for real… i’m sorry… I didn’t mean…”
He cut me off. “You didn’t mean it? Really?” His voice sounded as though he was about to cry. “Well, I meant it when I said it. I love you. I really, really meant it, and I still do. But you shouldn’t play with my heart like that if you don’t really mean it too. You only ever wanted me for my body, I knew it was too much to hope you would-“
here I cut HIM off. “NO! No, I… I meant it too. Really. I know all I ever do is lie but this is the one thing that I’m being honest about. I love you Silverbell. I was just… scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way. I’m sorry. I’m handling this pretty terribly… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He sighed and looked up at me with a smile. “Honestly, sometimes I think we’re both some of the stupidest cookies on Earthbread. We’re making this whole thing a mess even though we both love each other. I’m done dancing around it. Now that it’s out there in the open and we both know, maybe we could make this thing we have going on… more official?”
My smile could’ve lit up the whole of earthbread. “I would really like that.” I whispered.
“Good. Me too.” He replied softly. When we kissed, it felt natural. Something about it was different, this time. Somehow, just knowing that this was love made every brush of his lips against mine feel fresh and electrifying. We pulled away after that first kiss. That was all we needed. Somehow, I felt more satisfied than I ever had after our sex. We smiled at each other, and this time, I allowed myself to really get lost in his eyes. “I love you” we murmured almost in sync. We fell into giggles and I let myself curl against him protectively and fall asleep to the sound of his laughter. When we woke up, I found that our hands had intertwined overnight. This time, I didn’t let go.
Shadow Milk Cookie
Excuse me, what the hell is going on with my servants?? Black Sapphire has taken to dancing around the balconies of the spire like a wannabe Juliet and he always shows up late to record for his broadcasts. I keep seeing him and the little faerie twink holding and and practically skipping and giggling around like schoolchildren. And just yesterday, Candy Apple and my Silly Vanilly were out grocery shopping, so I quenched my thirst with just Black Sapphire, and instead of moaning my name, calling me “Master Shadow Milk Cookie” like he usually did, he cried out “Silverbell” instead. Hello??? I am very much not Silverbell?? Very the opposite of Silverbell in bed especially?? Whatever, I thought I knew what was up.
I dont ask for much from them, I only wanted as many people as possible to hook up with. Is that so much to ask??? They could do whatever little relationship shit they wanted in their free time. However, they were cutting into the time that I spent being kinky with everyone else. They were actually ruining my life.
Black Sapphire cookie
I woke up with a wicked headache. My stomach ached for seemingly no reason, and I had no desire to get out of bed. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head to block the glaring overhead light pounding into my skull. I was terribly hungover, but I trudged into the bathroom anyways. I needed to piss really badly, but just the effort it took to walk to the bathroom made me throw up in the toilet before I could do anything else in it. Fuck this shit. I finally stood and undid the button on my pants. My brain didn't want to focus on the sight before me, but I convinced myself to make sense of the grape preserves-like substance coating the crotch. I stared in horror. Was I bleeding out?? What was going on?? What the HELL was in that wine??? I was pretty sure I was dying as I called for Silverbell. He came running at the alarm in my voice. He froze at the sight of the preserves in my pants. “What the fuck?” He asked.
“What. Is that? What am I looking at? Are you alright? I'm so lost.” He said, eyes looking haunted at the sight before him.
“I think…I'm having my period?” I said to him, not quite believing my ears. “I..didn't know that was possible.” Silverbell responded. I think we were both stricken at the implications of this. “Yeah…” I agreed. “Me neither.” We both stared in horror at my pants for a few more seconds until Silverbell broke the silence.
“I, Uh, might have some tampons….that I got from my sister!” he tacked on hastily. “you have a sister?” I asked, squinting at him. “Uhhhh…not important right now! Anyway, here. These might help. The only thing is…the application process might be…tricky.”
I took the tampon from him like a hand grenade, as though I wasn't sure what it would do.
“OK so…,” Silverbell took a deep breath. “based on the fact that you're having a period, I assume you have a…vagina.” He said, blushing.
“So basically, you gotta, um, take the applicator thingy and…just kinda…shove it up in there?”
I gawked at him. “What do you mean…SHOVE IT UP IN THERE???” I yelled at him. What the FUCK was this crap??? There had to be a better way.
“Umm…maybe this isn’t something to learn how to do today. I can…put it in for you?” Silverbell asked, scrunching up his face in horror. My eyes widened, but I spread my legs for him. Not gonna lie, seeing him towering over me, looking determined, with my own self exposed to him was making me…hot. I quickly got hard, and Silverbell blushed and fluttered his wings. He closed his eyes, I suppose to offer me some privacy. “Don't be shy, daddy. You can look,”
“I- im just gonna put this in and…leave you alone. For a while. For a long while.”
Alone. Silverbell was gonna leave me. A long while could be any time. It could even be forever. I felt my heart drop and I began sniffling and tearing up.
“wha- what do you mean?” I asked, tears spilling down my face. “Please don’t leave me. I need you. I DON'T WANNA BE ALONEEE!!!” I sniffled.
“what? Um. OK, I won't leave. Can I just…put this tampon in you already? Then I think you should have a little privacy.”
Silverbell began preparing to insert the tampon into me. My dick quickly perked up, expecting something that probably wasn't going to come. Unless…I just needed to try harder. I moaned as the full tampon slid into me. I imagined it was Silverbell as I felt the tampon holding firm inside of me while the applicator slid out. Silverbell seemed a bit put off by my moaning, but I couldn’t fathom why. I grabbed my throbbing dick as I felt cold wine soak my hands. “Ohhh, shit. Hell yeah!! I should get a period more often. Maybe you can help me after this tampon gets dirty too, huh, daddy???”
Silverbell walked out of the bathroom as quickly as possible, muttering excuses about needing to puke or something. My hangover quickly came back, and I fell to the floor as cramps seemed to take over my entire body. I couldn't breathe through the pain I felt radiating in my abdomen. I began crying as wave after wave of hot pain shot through me. My limbs felt heavy. I couldn't have picked myself up off of this floor even if I wanted to. Which I definitely didn't. I was content to lay here forever until the sweet embrace of death took mercy on me. Just as quickly as they had come, I felt the cramps subsiding. I stood up and looked at my disgusting, acne covered, red face. “Goddamn it.” I said into the mirror. I looked absolutely disgusting. How did I go out in public? How does Silverbell even look at my face without running and screaming? God, I was so ugly. I couldn't bear to look at my hideous face anymore. I was cowering from the sight of myself when an idea popped into my head. I grabbed a pair of scissors off of the table and began hacking at my bangs in an attempt to make them sharper and shaggier. The hair kept curling up, however, so I straightened it until it flopped over my eye in a slick wave. I looked so sick. I also grabbed a black marker and drew with a sharpie on my nails to make them black like my soul. I also threw off my boring fancy clothes and tossed on an MCR tee shirt over a black hoodie with a checkered belt with spikes on it and black knee high platform combat boots with spikes over black ripped jeans and a black spiked choker. Life had no meaning. Fuck the patriarchy. Capitalism is the source of misery. Anarchy was the way to go, hell yeah dude. I’m not okay (I promise) by MCR was blasting on my headphones as I strutted out of the bathroom. Once Silverbell saw me, he would fall madly in love with me. We would get married, buy a nice house, maybe have a few kids…apparently that was a possibility for us now. I smiled and felt a stray tear slip down my cheek at the thought of spending eternity with my beloved Silverbell. Shit, my tear messed up my heavy black eye makeup drawn in messy spikes over my face. I cursed loudly and kicked the wall.
Silverbell caught sight of me leaving the bedroom and looked absolutely horrified. “What…is on your face?” he asked, terrified. Obviously, he was terrified of how SICK I looked. “Ya like ma cut, g?” He looked deeply confused. “Do I like…what?”
“Wow. I thought it was obvious. I looked super hot, and you don't think you can keep up anymore. I get it. I look really fucking hot right now.” I glanced down at the sharpie coloring my nails, admiring the grungy look.
“Im sorry. What? Have you…really looked at yourself? There is sharpie smeared all over your face. Obviously, you're very attractive,” he said, looking down at his feet, “but you look….a bit silly right now.”
I felt rage boiling my bones. How dare he call me silly?
“You think I look silly?? Well I think…your face looks silly! Ha! Taaaaaaaake THAT!!”
Silverbell looked hurt, but I was too distracted by my SICK BURN.
“Oh. Do you …really think that?” he asked, looking heartbroken.
“HELL YEAH DUDE! I'm so out of your league.”
“Are you sure this isn’t just some sort of phase???” He asked in desperation.
“Nah bro. This is forever. It's not a phase. I think YOU might be a phase though…” I added, glancing to see his reaction out of the corner of my eye.
His eyes filled with tears as he responded.
“What…do you mean? Do you…want to break up?”
“Yeah! You're too timid for me. I need someone capable to hang onto me, not a little twink like you. Great idea.” I patted him on the back as I began to leave the room. I felt a hand on my shoulder yank me back into the room.
“What? Do you…actually think that?” He began crying, loudly.
“Ugh. Waah Waah Waah. You cry like a little bitch. You act like a little girl. This is why we're breaking up”
I felt powerfully cruel as I spoke about all of the times I had felt like he was too weak.
“...and then you went and killed your brother because you were too much of a wimp to protect him,” I finished. I heard a sob as Silverbell sprinted out of the room. Finally, that nuisance was gone. I waited a while, slowly feeling more and more alone as the silence pressed down on me. I began talking to myself to try and fill the silence that crawled over my dough, causing me to shiver. Nothing important, just nonsensical mumbles and humming. Anything to keep the silence stalking me like an animal at bay. Luckily, it was broken as Silverbell slowly walked back into the room.
“I know that you aren't yourself right now. Although you've…really hurt my feelings, I know this isn't the real you.”
“What if this is the real me, and I was just hiding my true self under all of that mushiness?”
I heard my words echo in the room, the venomous words falling off my tongue. I looked up through the black sharpie rimming my vision. Silverbell began turning to leave.
“Wait. I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know what's happening to me.” There was no response from him. I tried one last time to keep him from leaving.
“I love you.”
I was met with silence as he breezed out the door. Shit. Fuck. Shit. He was gone. I had driven him out with careless words and some stupid thirst for twisted power.
The one pure thing in my life, I had ruined. I don't know what had come over me, but I knew I would never forgive myself. Why was I always such a jerk? Even when I found someone who finally seemed to genuinely like me and want to be around me, my own nature betrayed me. I was destined to be alone. And this time, I couldn’t just go and blame it on the other person. Silverbell had really tried, he had tried so hard, and I had shot him down again, and again, and again. “I love you.” The words echoed in my ears. They were true. They were the one true thing I knew. But if they were really true, then shouldn’t I treat him so? This whole time I had told him I loved him with nothing, no solid actions to back it up. And now, just saying the words wasn’t enough. I needed to prove that they actually meant something to me, and that they weren’t just another pretty lie. Lies. Lies, lies, lies. All I ever did was lie, and then wonder why I had no real connection with anyone. I whined about being alone and then pushed everyone away. I did this to myself and then complained about the result. I hated myself. Hate, hate, hate. And now, I was completely and utterly alone, buried in the torturous silence of my own making. Even the voices in my head were being too quiet. Even they had left me. I felt my knees going weak as the silence surrounded me in its cocoon. The silence felt like a physical thing, pressing into me from all sides. I could barely breathe through my invisible suffocation. I need to find some way to fucking breathe again. Clattering around the objects in the bathroom, I finally latched onto the razor sitting on the sink and sighed with relief. Just holding the small blades made me feel better, like I could wield the weapon against my enemies. Until I remembered that my only enemy was myself. I tore one of the blades out of the razor and watched the light glimmer off of it. My fingers bled a bit, but I barely felt anything. I needed more. I could hear the roar of silence smothering me still, despite my syrupy offering. I pulled my pants off and drew long gashes along my thighs. The pain made the silence more bearable. Like there was something tethering me while floating in the abyss of quiet. I breathed out a quiet sigh. I tried to inhale again, but something was blocking my airway. I gasped for breath, silently begging for my suffering to end. I sliced myself in lines parallel to the ones from earlier, desperately needing more relief. It still wasn't enough. I methodically began slicing open every bare inch of dough that I knew I could cover up the next day. Finally, I lay in the bathtub. My syrup was already splattered on the tile, and I didnt want to make it worse. Purple began running in long streams towards the drain, as I breathed in deeply. I shouldn't be able to breathe so deeply. I didn't deserve to have any sort of comfort for as long as I lived. Hopefully, that wouldn't be much longer now anyways. I could still see the rivers of syrup running down my dough, but didn't dare use the razor blades again. It would be absolutely pathetic to die in a bathtub. But, then again, I was pathetic, so maybe it matched. Instead of cutting myself, I closed the drain and began filling up the bath with ice cold water. Goosebumps covered my dough, but the chill helped my cuts hurt less. I began panicking as the pain subsided, needing to feel every single slice on my skin. Finally, the bath filled to the brim and I shut off the faucet. I dunked my body under water, closing my eyes. The silence of the water was even more deafening than the silence hanging in the room. At least the space had echoed in memory of Silverbell, but here, there was nothing. I couldn't decide if I hated it or reveled in the discomfort. Still, I didn't resurface. My lungs began shrinking in on themselves, but I stayed under. This was peaceful. Breaking the surface would put me back into real life to face my mistakes, and I just couldn't bear to do that. I held my breath and waited as darkness began clouding my mind. I smiled gently as I sank beneath the bottom of the tub, and down into the ground below, until an arm reached up and grabbed me, forcing me to gulp in the fresh air.
Silverbell Cookie
I was in so much pain. He didn’t love me. He thought I was weak. He said he did love me, but he didn’t mean it. He was a liar, after all. I should’ve known not to trust his sweet nothings. I should’ve known not to get so attached to him. I always knew this day would come.
I stormed around the spire for a long while, trying not to cry, when I suddenly ran into Pure Vanilla.
“Oh.” I said. “Sorry. I’ll get out of your way.”
Pure Vanilla put a hand on my shoulder and looked down at me. “Wait! Silverbell, are you crying? Is everything alright? Is this about… Black Sapphire Cookie?” I winced at the mention of the name.
“How did you know.” I said dryly. Pure Vanilla smiled.
“You two have been awfully close lately. As far as I can tell you haven’t really been keeping it much of a secret. It honestly reminds me of Shadow Milk and I. However, I saw him storm into the bathroom a little earlier and slam the door. He seemed upset. I imagine you had a fight? Maybe some sort of lovers quarrel?” I felt my chest sink. Why was Black Sapphire upset? He was the one who had been cruel to me. I hadn’t said anything to him. I felt a pang of resentment and scowled.
“I guess. He said- …well, he brought up some really hurtful things. I didn’t think he was capable of being as cruel to me as he was… I trusted him, I told him everything and he used it against me!” I felt my voice rising as I spoke but I didn’t care. I was hurt and frankly I was angry. I had really… shit, I had really loved him. And he had taken advantage of me time and again and told me he loved me too and I had believed him like the pathetic idiot that I was.
Pure Vanilla broke through my thoughts. “I’m sorry. That must be really painful. And you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. But… maybe you can talk to him. Most conflicts can be resolved through conversations.” I scoffed.
“Yeah, right. As if. He acted like I was an old cardigan or something that he could just throw under the bed and forget about. Well, I’m not. I’m a real person with real feelings and my feelings right now are NOT very positive.” I gave the cobblestones a small kick, which actually hurt my toe a little.
“Perhaps you should consider forgiveness.” Pure Vanilla looked worried. “Im not sure how much you know, but Black Sapphire has a habit of…hurting himself when he feels insecure. And knowing him, he's probably feeling awful about how he treated you.”
“I don't think I want to see him right now. He doesn't deserve my sympathy.”
Pure Vanilla looked at me, alarmed. “Silverbell, I urge you to reconsider. Please. Black Sapphire is an important member of our group, and I know he holds a special place in your heart.”
“I just…I don't know if I can forgive him right now, and to be honest, I don’t really want to. He hurt me and I don’t think it’s very fair that you care so much about him being okay but you’re perfectly fine with my suffering. I want to let him squirm a little. If he’s even squirming at all. He sure didn’t seem to care about me before. I bet he doesn’t care about you either. I bet he’s just using you for sympathy because he knows you’re too nice and a pushover. Maybe you’re the one here who needs to face the facts. He doesn’t love anyone and he never will.”
“You don't have to forgive him. But someone needs to keep that cookie from digging himself into too deep of a hole. I often heal him after his episodes, but I would rather that I not be necessary in this situation. His life may be on the line. There is no room for arguments when a cookie's life is in danger. Please. Go help him.”
“Why don't you go help him if you're so desperate?”
“My healing powers are drained after spending time with Shadow Milk…in the sex dungeon.” He said, looking at his feet. A small snort came out of my nose.
“Sure. I'll go make sure he's alive. But if he's cruel, and heartless, and deceitful, I'm never speaking to him again as long as I live. I don't deserve to go through this.”
I marched back up the stairs, eager to prove Pure Vanilla wrong.
When I opened the door to the bathroom, I was hit with what felt like a wave of silence. I looked around and my eyes landed on the purple syrup fresh on the floor. I followed it into the bathroom and saw the tub. It was filled to the brim with water, swirled through with streaks of purple. I ran to the tub to see Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire) laying motionless under the water. The way his limbs were splayed out reminded me painfully of Bronze (Bronze bronze bronze). I was immediately thrown back into the moment that Bronze (bronzebronzebronzebronze) had shuddered out his last breath before me. I blinked hard and the scene changed back to Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) There were no bubbles rising to the surface, no indication that he was still alive. I grabbed him and drew his mouth open to take in a big gulp of air, but he didn't move. I began performing CPR, giving him thirty chest compressions before switching to breathing air back into his struggling lungs. I pounded on his ribs, desperately trying to bring him back. I blew another gasp of air into his lungs before he suddenly coughed up buckets of purply water onto me. My clothes had become soaked, but I didn't care as I threw my arms around him. Even If I hadn't saved Bronze (bronzebronze), I had still managed to save Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireBLACKSAPPHIRE), and right now, that was enough for me.
“Wha- Silverbell?” He muttered, his voice raspy. He finally returned my hug, snuggling me into his arms. “You're back,” he said reverently. I looked up at him. “I am. But you hurt me. I don't know if I can go right back to normal with you.” He nodded his head in agreement and understanding. “Please never scare me like that again,” I whispered into him. “I won't. I’ll never hurt myself again. I promise.” I smiled against his chest, sensing the truth behind his words.
Black Sapphire
What had I done? I couldn’t forgive myself for how I had hurt Silverbell. But even if I couldn’t forgive myself, I could try and make up for it. That week, I blew almost all of my money on lavish gifts for Silverbell. I bought him two Aston Martins, a set of antique silverware, the entire new line of fashion from Gucci, real perfume from France, five different watches each made of real silver, a nintendo switch, a ps5, eight tv’s, a pet cheetah, the rights to all Disney property, the deeds for six different mansions spread across the most beautiful mountains and beaches of Earthbread, and a partridge in a pear tree. In total, it cost me around $217,262,010.00. Nothing I couldn’t handle, but it still left a rather large dent in my bank account. In addition to this, I showered Silverbell with compliments day and night. I spent my nights reading through the dictionary looking for new positive adjectives to describe him. He deserved everything I could give him and more. I polished his shoes for him, I cleaned his room for him, I made him every meal of the day, every day. I made sure to kiss him every day and tell him I loved him at least once every hour. I fully devoted myself to him. I had begun setting timers to remind myself to tell him that I loved him. Every hour, a small chime would go off. However, this quickly conditioned Silverbell to go sprinting off in the other direction whenever he heard it. This led to me chasing him down the halls, yelling, “COME BACK HERE SO I CAN LOVE YOU!!!” Fun times. I had also started talking about him on my broadcasts. Every day, it was: “my boyfriend is perfect and beautiful” “shoutout to my amazing boyfriend” “I love my boyfriend so much” “this broadcast is dedicated to my beloved boyfriend”. Though I never said his name in order to protect his privacy, I still talked about him all the time. Was I losing viewers? Yes. Were the ratings plummeting? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely yes. Anything to make him feel happy. Anything to make him feel loved.
Silverbell seemed…adverse to my attempts to make it up to him, however. He didn't seem to appreciate the lengths I was going to for him. Every time I gave him something, he would duck his head and mutter something about not needing all of this. Still, I persisted.
Silverbell Cookie
Black Sapphire Cookie (black sapphire blacksapphireblackspaphirw) had been buying me super expensive (but also super random) stuff all week. I never thought I would say this, but being showered with so much love and attention was really getting annoying, even a bit scary. Black Sapphire was with me constantly, doing things for me and following me around. Heck, he even had a timer to tell me he loved me set for EVERY HOUR. Really, it was incredibly unnecessary. I didn't need any of this. It was cute the first few times, but now it was just annoying. I think he could tell, but instead of backing off, he only doubled his efforts. I finally told him off. I got much angrier than usual. “I wish you would stop. I don't appreciate your gifts anymore, even if they are sweet.” I was practically screaming at him to leave me alone. Black Sapphire (black sapphire blacksapphireblacksapphire) blinked at me. “I just…I don't know how to fix us.” He said, looking heartbroken.
“I don't think we need any more fixing. At least, not in this way. I don't need all of your attention and gifts. I just need you.”
I told him this with a soft smile. There was still some patching up that had to be done, but we were getting back to normal. Black Sapphire (blacksapphirwblacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) nodded.
“I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help.”
“I know you are. I love you, and I love your trying, but I don't need it. At all.”
He nodded again. I hated to see him sad, but I couldn't deal with all of the gifts. I had quietly sold everything he had given me and put it back in his savings, but it was quite the chore. He gave me so many things. It was hard to keep up with.
Shadow Milk Cookie
Black sapphire and the twink that followed him around everywhere had started being really fucking sappy. The other day, I was spending time in the main room with them when something suddenly beeped and Black Sapphire chased the twink down the hallways, screaming about how much he loved him. Not to mention, buying him all kinds of crazy shit. What is that little twink gonna do with a pet cheetah and eight tvs??? I could certainly put them to better use. I smirked at my silly vanilly, lying on my chest. “Hey silly. Why dont you buy me fancy shit like Black Sapphire does for the twink?” Pure Vanilla gave me a sleepy glare, and said “He has a name, you know. Plus, I don't think you deserve all of that from me,” he said with a sniff. I gave a hearty laugh that nearly shook him off of me. He let out a small shriek as I yanked him back up. “What if I ask really nicely?”
“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?” My silly vanilly asked while eyeing me. I gave him a big grin before flipping him underneath me. “This,” I said softly into his ear. I lowered my tongue down to trail his body. “I love you,” I said into him. “I love you too,” he responded.
Silverbell Cookie
Black Sapphire and I had finally gotten back to normal. We spent our days together, telling jokes and laughing, just enjoying each other’s company. He was so sweet and it seemed like he really was improving. I could feel myself improving too. My flashbacks and trauma faded along with his old scars. Still there, but in the background of our loving relationship. Being with him made the days brighter and the nights warmer. We often slept in each other’s arms, not needing anything more than the other’s presence to feel safe and comfortable. I loved him. I felt as though I could spend the rest of my life like this, hand tangled with his, laughing about one thing or the other, picture-perfect days followed by dreams of doing it all again. For once, I felt finally, truly happy.
Today, I woke up excited. I had a surprise for him! I grabbed his hand, and dragged him out to the flowering meadow I had found a few days ago. Blindfolded, his steps were uncertain as I guided him through the lush grass. “Ta da!” I said, whipping the blindfold off. He stared in wonder at the beautiful scenery around him. The deep violet overlayed with the bright yellows and pinks created a stunning effect. After letting him take it all in for a few seconds, I dragged him over to the side of the meadow, where a small patch of more unusual flowers grew. Silverbells tangled with wisteria, a small little patch of purple and white, just for us.
“wow…” He breathed. I picked a small silverbell and tucked it behind his ear with a small giggle.
“Look, it’s us!” I exclaimed. He put his hand up to his ear and I could see his grin spreading wide. He knelt and plucked a wisteria flower from the same little patch and said “hold still.” He tucked it expertly into my lapel. I suppose it made sense that he would know how to do that, seeing as how he sported a fresh white rose on his own lapel every day. Now we matched.
I smiled up at him, content to spend forever with him. I shoved him playfully down onto the grass, crushing the few flowers still below us. We lay next to each other and watched the clouds pass behind the branches and leaves obscuring some of the view. I pointed out the squirrels chattering while he pointed out the random shapes he could make from the clouds.
“Look! It's Shadow Milk getting head from Pure Vanilla!” He laughed, pointing at a cloud that just looked like a big blob to me. I giggled at him. Slowly, he pointed out cloud shapes less and less as his breathing slowed. He had fallen asleep. I sat up and watched the rise and fall of his beautiful chest. I flicked an ant off of him as I settled myself into the crook of his arm. He woke with a little snort, but I shushed him and told him to go back to sleep. Slowly, I fell asleep too, and dreamt of this day lasting forever.
Black Sapphire Cookie
I woke up and smiled at the ceiling. Today was my bakeday! I threw off the covers and took a long time to make myself a delicious breakfast of star jellies that I had been saving. I savored each bite and began planning the rest of my day. Perhaps I would spend time with my newfound friends, or Silverbell. For the first time ever, it seemed like I wouldn't be alone on my bakeday. Sure, I had Master Shadow Milk Cookie and Candy Apple, but they never really bothered to celebrate. Come to think of it, they didn't celebrate much of anything. Still, I had hopes that today would be different. Now that I had Silverbell, I was sure that he would be there for me with some sort of silly yet cutely romantic gesture. Maybe he would have a bouquet of flowers from the meadow he had showed me! I couldn’t wait.
As cookies began piling into the main room, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, I stayed there smiling. I wondered how long it would take them to remember, and who would remember first. So far, nobody. They all walked past me, Candy Apple giving me a weird look. Probably because I was smiling so big. Slowly, everyone had gathered in the kitchen. I walked in there and cleared my throat. None of them gave me more than a glance, so I cleared my throat a little louder. “Did you need something?” Master Shadow Milk Cookie asked. I could feel my energy beginning to plummet but I didn't lose hope. Silverbell wasn’t here yet, and I was sure he would remember.“Yes! Well…no. I'm just excited about today.” I figured that would give them enough of a clue, but they all kept wandering around grabbing whatever food they could find and completely ignoring me. Whatever. Once they woke up, I was sure they would remember.
Once everyone (including Silverbell, who had come downstairs, given me a good-morning kiss, and otherwise ignored me in favor of food) had gotten a bite to eat, Master Shadow Milk Cookie gathered us to discuss our plan for the day. He delegated tasks to all of us, giving Silverbell and I the responsibility of cleaning up the mess left in the sex dungeon from last night. Not the most fun activity for my bakeday, but it was still early. I brushed it off once again. Maybe they were saving it for a big surprise later?
After cleaning up the very large and very disgusting mess, we went back upstairs to reconvene. Silverbell still hadn’t said or done anything out of the ordinary. It was around noon, so we all had lunch together. Still, nobody said anything. I was hardly acknowledged at all. I could feel my spirits sinking. Finally, we had our free time. I waited patiently for something, anything, any kind of recognition that today was at least a little bit special. I waited and waited as they all filed into the newly clean dungeon. Without me. It seemed like they were going to be spending a while down there, so I returned to my radio tower. My eyes began watering without my permission halfway up the winding stairs. It seemed that nobody was going to remember. They would all spend the rest of the day in the sex dungeon, even Silverbell, the one who I had thought cared about me the most. I slowly sank to the floor with a quiet sob. I guess I would always be alone. I really thought I had found my new family. I would have remembered their bakedays, so why couldn't they have remembered mine? I guess I cared about them a lot more than they cared about me. But, I honestly shouldn’t have been complaining so much. If I was another cookie, I wouldn’t have cared about myself either. If I were Silvetbell, I would have run the other direction. I was just seeking attention, leeching off of validation from other people like a parasite. I didn’t deserve their love or even their friendship. I had been stealing their attention for too long now. It was time I let them all live without me in the way.
I grabbed the knife that Candy Apple had left in the sex dungeon this morning. It would serve a better purpose now. I breathed a shaky sigh of relief as I felt the dough break and syrup start to seep out. It was almost like a form of meditation. I slashed myself again and again, enjoying the pain that came with it. I was going further than I had done before, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I watched as chunks of dough crumbled under the blade. I saw larger and larger chunks break off until my legs lost enough dough that they couldn't hold my weight. I fell to the floor with a thud. I paused for a moment, scared, but soon, even the fear wasn’t worth stopping for. So what if I crumbled? No one would notice anyway. No one would care. I could disappear without a trace, and the world would remain unchanged. I felt silent sobs tearing from my lips and my hand trembled, but I couldn’t drop the knife. I was sitting in a puddle of my own syrup, chunks of dough and crumbs lay scattered around me. I lifted my arm, the one not holding the knife, and stared at my wrist. The dough leading up to it was scratched and scarred, but I had always left my wrist itself relatively smooth and uninjured out of fear. Today, I was too done with everything to care. Even if I died, it wouldn’t change anything. Heck, maybe things would even be better without me. I dragged the knife down in a long vertical slash down my wrist. Syrup welled up from the cut quickly and dripped down my arm, but I didn’t care. It was time to finally stop complaining and actually do something about my miserable, worthless, lonely existence.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
The four of us had been cleaning up after the large mess we had just made in our dungeon. Honestly, we spent so much time down there that it's a wonder we got anything done at all. I'm certainly not complaining. The four of us regrouped, when I realized we were missing a member. “Where is Black Sapphire?” I heard Silverbell whisper something over and over again next to me, but I couldn't make it out.
“Oh, probably off celebrating his bakeday or something.”
I gave Shadow Milk an alarmed look. “Is today actually his bakeday?? Why aren't we doing anything?”
My Shmilky shrugged. I looked around, noticing Silverbell’s confused look as well.
‘Well, where is he? We need to do something,” I said. Silverbell nodded next to me.
“Whatever,” Candy Apple said. “We’ve never celebrated it and he’s always been perfectly fine. There's no reason to freak out over nothing.”
“Still, we should do something for him,” I replied.
“He’s probably in his radio tower,” Shadow Milk supplied. I grabbed Silverbell and dragged him up the stairs. “Even if they don't want to celebrate, I still do,” I puffed. Jesus, there were so many stairs. I was not in enough shape for this. Lucky Silverbell and his wings managed to beat me to the top. Still, I pressed on until we finally reached the top. We both caught our breaths before walking in.
Black Sapphire Cookie
I had finally made enough progress that I felt like my thoughts were disconnected from me. I breathed a sigh of relief at the freedom, and stared at the large puddle of syrup around me. I would have to clean this up before anyone else found out. That is, if I was still here. I don't know how long I sat there, but I was blissfully numb. If I died today, that would be poetic in a gruesome sort of way. Being baked and crumbling on the same day was circular in the best way possible. I gave a sad smile as I watched the syrup still trickling out of the now deep cuts on my wrists. Maybe today was the day I finally did it. I slowly grabbed the knife from beside me. I lifted it up and pressed it into my dough slowly. This should hurt. I wanted to feel every twist of it. I had just broken the dough when the door flew open.
Pure Vanilla and silverbell rushed into the room. I quickly tried to gather up the crumbs lying on the floor and mop up the syrup, but it was too late and I was too weak to do much of anything. They had seen me. They both wore identical looks of fear and horror. I hung my head in shame and closed my eyes. The silverbell flower I had kept tucked behind my ear fell to the floor when my head dropped, but I was too weak to pick it up. It lay on the floor next to me in a puddle of my syrup, the white slowly getting stained purple. I heard footsteps and assumed they had left me. Just like they always do. I was surprised when I felt strong hands grab me and pull me close. I didn't have the strength to do much more than blink at Pure Vanilla holding me. He was concentrating hard, with a furrowed brow. I was so tired though. Using the last of my strength, I pushed him off. He should just let me die already. It was all I wanted anymore. I fell to the floor and felt my eyes closing gently. Finally.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
I had seen Black Sapphire in bad states before, but never anything like this. I held him close and began trying to heal him. It was very difficult, seeing as the wounds were deep and plentiful. I gritted my teeth. Goddamn it Pure Vanilla, heal this cookie already. I took a deep breath and began concentrating my efforts on closing the wounds again when he gave me a small shove that was enough to throw me off balance. He dropped ungracefully to the floor. I could feel his pulse beginning to slow down. I continued with a new energy. I had to save him. I could hear Silverbell’s horrified, broken sobs in the background and knew that if Black Sapphire died, his wouldn’t be the only life that had been ruined because of my failure.
“You have to save him you have to save him you have to save him youhavetosavehimyouhavetosavehim GODDAMN YOU GET UP” I sobbed. I was trying my best to heal him, but it was barely having an effect on the severe wounds. I wouldn't give up until I knew for sure that I couldn't save him. I kept pushing and pushing on, slowly healing him as best as I could. His pulse was still weak. I couldn’t lose him like this. I saw his closed eyes twitch, and a small smile work its way onto his face as he came to for a brief second.
“It’s…fine,” he groaned. “I’m fine. You…can just for-...forget about me.” He gasped for air between words, and I could feel him slipping. His eyes closed again, fluttering shut even as I begged him to stay with me. “No.” I mumbled. I could feel his pulse fading, but I desperately tried to heal his wounds, this time stopping the bleeding as best as I could with my bare hands. “No, no no nonononononononono!!” I cried. He was losing blood too fast and I was completely out of energy. I could hear his breath getting weaker as he lay crumpled on the ground, dripping syrup.
“Go do something!” I snapped at Silverbell. He nodded quickly and ran off, in search of something to help me. He was shaking and sobbing so violently that it was a miracle he could run at all, but I was thankful for him. I turned back to Black Sapphire. I cried against him, “Please please please you can't leave us. We need you, Black Sapphire. We need you.” I was completely drained, but I had to keep trying. I could rest once he was alright again. Because he would be. I just had to keep telling myself that, ignoring how large the chunks of dough on the ground were, ignoring how much syrup was coating both of us, ignoring how his limbs were barely visible beneath the shroud of syrup and crumbs coating him.
I pressed my ear against his dough. I could still feel the faint rising and falling of his chest as he breathed a little more. Please. He had to be okay. I tried doing chest compressions, mouth to mouth, anything, but his wounds were too severe and I had used up the last drops of my magic on him already. I leaned back to survey his wounds again, and was taken aback to see a smile still on his face. Something about it was different than the other times I had seen him smile. I couldn’t place exactly what it was, but something about it felt more… real. Like he was genuinely happy in a way that he had never been with us. I felt my heart breaking as a quiet sob tore from my lips, and I tried shaking him, to no avail. He let out a final soft sigh of breath and went completely limp in my arms.
Silverbell appeared in the doorway. I looked up at him through the tears in my eyes. He froze. “I-...I couldnt save him.” I was the ruler of the Vanilla kingdom. I had carried us through war, through suffering, but the one time it really mattered, I failed. Silverbell dropped to his knees, unable to carry his own weight anymore. I sat there in the middle of the room, clutching the lifeless cookie to my body, as if that would save him. “This is all our fault,” I heard Silverbell whisper. He came forward until he was pressed against Black Sapphire. “If only we had remembered his bakeday.”
Shadow Milk Cookie
My Silly Vanilly and that little twink had been gone a while. I had some free time, so I figured I would search for them. I went around the house, until I remembered our earlier conversation. I began ascending the tedious amount of stairs to reach them. I could hear muffled voices from inside, so I knew they were in there. I stood in the doorway, and leaned against it. Maybe if I looked sexy enough right now, Pure Vanilla and I could spend some alone time together tonight. I stood there waiting for them to notice me, but clearly they were more interested in something else. Surely it couldn't be as important as what I was about to do to Pure Vanilla later tonight. I finally peeked open my eyes to see what all the fuss was about. I felt my stomach drop.
Pure Vanilla sat on the ground, crying into something that he was holding. Silverbell was on his other side, doing the same. I slowly walked forward, wanting to see what the matter was. I finally got close enough to peek over Pure Vanilla’s shoulder to see Black Sapphire, asleep in his arms. Then, I realized he wasn’t asleep. I saw the large cookie crumbs surrounding the three of them, with dark purple syrup covering the floor, Pure Vanilla, Silverbell, and the gaping wounds covering Black Sapphire.
“Who…who did this?” I said shakily. I would murder them. I would crush their bones. I would make them pay with every ounce of their pathetic life. Pure Vanilla looked up at me hollowly.
“You didn't know? He…did this to himself.” I blinked in confusion. “Wha- what do you mean?” I asked, but I already knew the answer to my question. I slid to the ground and clutched his head. I looked up and noticed his microphone sitting against the desk across the room. I stood with a shaky breath and crossed the room to grab it. When I brought it back for him, I laid it over his chest. I swear I saw a slight smile flicker across his face. I blinked, and it was gone. I sank to my knees. No. This just couldn't be possible. He was- he was smiling at us as we came down for breakfast just this morning. How…how had this happened? Had he been planning this? I had so many questions for him that I would now never know the answers to. We sat there, sobbing over top of him, our tears mingling with the syrup drenching the floor.
Eventually, Candy Apple found us too. She screamed, she pleaded, she sobbed. We all sat there for hours until his dough had gone cold and his syrup had dried up. With an unspoken agreement, we all silently stood and carried him down the stairs into his bedroom. We laid him gently on the bed, arranging it as though he was being buried for a funeral. We gently placed his microphone in his hands as though it were a bouquet. He had… shit, he had really loved that microphone. The microphone that I had given him. We stood vigil by his bedside and took turns saying our goodbyes to him. We all stayed with him until dawn, until his body was nothing but crumbs.
After he had crumbled, we all silently gathered up what was left of his body. I conjured up small vials for us, each tied with a black ribbon and a small sparkling purple gem reminiscent of Black Sapphire’s earrings. As was customary, we each filled our vials with the small, ashy crumbs that remained after his crumbling. I tied mine around my neck, wearing it close to my heart like a necklace. I will never be able to forget him.
Silverbell Cookie
I woke up excited to see Black Sapphire Cookie (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire). I hummed as I got out of bed, letting myself smell the wisteria still pinned to my lapel as I dressed. I hummed as I fluttered my way to breakfast, but when I got there, everyone seemed really sad. They all looked at me with tired eyes as I came in, and I realized that Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) wasn’t there.
“Umm…” I mumbled, “Is… I mean, has anyone seen Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire)? I was going to show him the song I wrote for him today…” Pure Vanilla’s eyes filled with pity, but before he could say anything, Shadow Milk spoke from beside him.
“Look. Kid. I know you miss him, and I know it’s kind of ironic for me to be saying this, but you’ve gotta face facts. This is one lie that I don’t think you should be living in. Look around you. He’s gone. And we’ve been playing along, but hearing you bring him up as though he isn’t, every single day, isn’t helping any of us get over him any easier. So, please just, accept the facts.” Here he put his hand on my shoulder and looked me dead in the eyes. “Black Sapphire Cookie is dead.”
“No! No he's not. I know it. He is a master of lies- this is all some elaborate scheme.” I said, mostly to myself.
“Now, which one of you can tell me where he is?”
Nobody answered. I looked into each cookie's eyes before realizing none of them knew. I sank to the floor. A sob escaped my lips as I finally accepted that he was gone for good. I could feel my whole body shaking as I lay crumpled on the floor. Someone (Shadow Milk? Pure Vanilla?) embraced me, and I buried myself in their arms, letting my tears soak us both.
My Black Sapphire was gone. He couldn't be gone. But he was. I would never again wake up next to his sleepy eyes and soft smiles. I would never again hear him speak gentle words to me. I would never again be able to touch him. Without my rock, my Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire), I was adrift, like a boat being tossed against the rocks without an anchor. I felt my body melting into the person hugging me and I seemed to have lost all control over my limbs. I had to force myself to keep breathing, since I seemed to have lost my ability to do it normally. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale exhale. Inhale exhale. Inhale exhale. Inhale exhale inhale exhale inhale exhale inhale exhale inhale exhale inhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhale- my hyperventilating was cut off by a slap from Candy Apple.
“Get it together, will you? We all miss him, but you don't see us falling apart.”
I looked up at her through watery eyes. She was right. I was weak. I was pathetic. Why should I be so emotional about this? I was whining like a little girl. I should have died instead. Once the thought hit my brain, it couldn't stop. That beautiful cookie didn't deserve to die. I did. After all of my sins, surely it would have been fair to take me instead.
After a while, I stood on shaky legs and slowly ascended the stairs to his radio tower. I played his old broadcasts over and over again, hoping to bring him back to life with his voice. “It should have been me. Why couldn't it have been me?” I pleaded to Black Sapphire's (black sapphire black sapphire) staticky voice. All he said back was, “Thanks for tuning in everyone! This has been Black Sapphire Cookie. We hope you’re having a great day and, like always, I’ll be here tomorrow with more juicy gossip!!!”
I sobbed at the words that he spoke at the end of every broadcast he ever did. Because he wouldn’t be here tomorrow. He wouldn’t be here tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that. He would never be here again. Another wave of crippling grief shot through me, and I felt myself collapse into myself as the agony made me lose control of my tears. The purple syrup that none of us had the strength to clean up coated the small, dying silverbell in front of me. I felt disgusting as I sat in the dried syrup of my soulmate. I would never feel clean again. I picked up the silverbell before I stood, and realized it was already dead. It had withered away all by itself up here, without water or sunlight. I crushed it in my palm. It was better to just end its suffering now. The slow, withering death that it had endured must have been excruciatingly miserable.
I closed my eyes and tried to take myself back to happier times. Everything hurt too much. Inside of my own mind was the only place where I could hide from the vicious reality. I let my mind wander back to my safe space. I was no longer lying on the syrup-stained, cold, empty tower. Now, I was lying on the grass in a flower-filled meadow, staring up at the clouds with Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire black sapphire). I could hear him laughing next to me and I saw as he raised his hand to point out the clouds to me. His eyes sparkled and the flowers tucked into his hair were alive and flourishing. I smiled and rested my face in the crook of his neck. He laughed, startled, but ruffled my hair and gave me a quick kiss on the top of my head. The moment was soon interrupted, however, by a small figure flying towards us from across the meadow.
“Hey, break it up, lovebirds! You guys are so cheesy, haha!!” I grinned at my brother and motioned for him to lay next to us.
“We’re looking at the clouds!” I said. He flopped down beside me and stuck out his tongue.
“I’ll play along, but you’re still gross. You guys are so sappy all the time.”
We lay there for a while, pointing out the clouds. I could hear the insects buzzing, I could feel the flowers swaying in the wind, I could see the sky go from bright blue to painted with the colors of the sunset. The air smelled of flowers and a crisp breeze tousled my hair. I was so happy. All I had to do was just spend eternity laying here with the people I loved. Bronze (bronzebronzebronze) and his easy laugh and his teasing, with his golden-bright eyes and his freckles. Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphire) with his wide grin and his quick wit, with his messy hair and his soft skin. They were all I needed.
But I was thrown suddenly and cruelly back to reality by a noise from beside me. A familiar timer was ringing. My heart dropped as I realized that it was the timer Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireBLACKSAPPHIREBLACKSAPPHIRE)had used to remind himself to tell me he loved me. I turned it off, and in the silence, I could practically feel the pieces of my heart shattering even further. He had killed himself. My love hadn’t been enough to keep him here. I had thought he was happy. That everything was fine. But he had been so miserable that he had chosen to give up on me, on everything. He had ended his own life and I hadn’t even known he was struggling until it was too late. Why hadn’t I asked him if he was okay? Why hadn’t he trusted me enough to confide in me?
I stared at the crushed flower in my hand and threw it on the ground. I was so angry at- at, just- everything. Myself, for not helping him. Him, for not telling me. The others, for making him feel so alone. Pure Vanilla, for not healing him. Him again, for actually going through with it all, for killing me along with him, for destroying my reason to live, the one person left who I loved. I stomped on the flower and let out a scream of rage. How could he do this to me, to them, to himself? How could I do this? My own voice echoed in my mind, torturing me. He loved you, and you killed him. Candy Apple loved him, and you killed him. Shadow Milk loved him, and you killed him. Pure Vanilla loved him, and you killed him. YOU loved him, and you killed him!
“NO I DIDNT!!!!” I screamed at the air. “I DIDN’T KILL HIM!!! HE KILLED HIMSELF!!!” I was gasping for breath as I yelled. But why did he kill himself??? my mind whispered. And he’s not the only one who you killed. An image of Bronze (bronzebronzebronze) flashed into my mind, quick as a flash and then gone. “NO, PLEASE!!!! I DIDN’T MEAN TO! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, PLEASE!!!” I was sobbing, and the flower was completely crushed beneath my foot. I was too angry to care. I couldn’t stand this torture anymore. I punched the wall, the floor, the desk, anything nearby that was punch-able. I was yelling nonsensically but I didn’t care.
After I lost my energy, I stood panting in the middle of the room. I had no room for anger left in me anymore. I just felt hollow. I was empty, I was nothing without them.
I finally went back downstairs. I was greeted by Pure Vanilla, Shadow Milk, and Candy Apple's desolate faces that tried to perk back up into smiles when they saw me. They were trying to make me feel better. I smiled softly back at them. Maybe, even without Black sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire), I would be alright. The cookies around me were trying to comfort me, bring back a sense of normalcy. Their efforts brought the slightest modicum of comfort to me. I wasn't truly alone without Black Sapphire. I was going to be okay. Someday. I sat next to the group, finally feeling like I was part of something. It felt nice Not being excluded for once. However, a moment after I had sat down, Candy Apple stood. She didn't say a word as she left, presumably to go be alone. That was fine. Pure Vanilla and Shadow Milk were still my friends. They would get me through my suffering. I still felt numb and empty, but it was made ever-so-slightly more bearable with them. I sighed a long breath and closed my eyes. It wasn't long before they reopened to the sound of footsteps. I saw Pure Vanilla and Shadow Milk hunched towards each other, whispering small sentences back and forth. Right. They were The duo. I was the outlier, cursed to always be standing on the edge of the group. I blinked at the sudden emptiness in the room. There was nobody here. I had somehow convinced myself that I belonged, that I fit in even slightly with the other cookies. I was so stupid to think that anyone would even want to spend time with me. I was forever reaching out, waiting for someone to take my hand. Nobody ever did. Black Sapphire (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) was the only one, and now he was gone. The only person that I had, that would even listen to me and care about what I said, was dead. The loneliness felt like a physical thing, slicing through my ribs until it pierced my heart. Silent suffering had always befallen me, And it seemed that would still hold true. I looked at the empty couches, knowing that everyone else was spending time with their loved ones. They had no idea how incredibly lucky they were. Right now, I would do unspeakable things just for someone to sit beside me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But that wasn't the way my story ever ended.
I was so miserable. At least everything my that had hurt before had gone mostly numb. I sat at the table as Pure Vanilla and Shadow Milk whispered, feeling as though I wasn’t really there. I was all alone, in my own world where there was no pain and no suffering, just a persistent, droning misery. I let my eyes glaze over. There was nothing here for me. Just sadness, endless sadness, a whole ocean of it. But it was okay. I was too tired to swim. I just let it engulf me. I didn’t need to breathe, I just needed to float here and let myself be carried away by the ever-present nothing that had seemed to fill my soul. I was so cold, but I could hardly feel it. I was so tired, but I barely noticed it. Everything was nothing, everything was the sad greige and the quiet and the murmur of the waves of lethargic, effusive, misery.
The love of my life…was gone. I felt like my insides had been scooped out. After meeting him only a little while ago, he was gone. I clutched my necklace closer to me and imagined it was his warm touch. How did everyone important to me always end up dead? First Bronze (bronzebronzebronze), now Black Sapphire (black sapphire black sapphire black sapphire). And both had been completely my fault. I brought Bronze into the middle of the war, like an idiot. I had forgotten about Black Sapphire’s (blacksapphireblacksapphireblacksapphire) bakeday. Maybe if I had gone up the stairs a little faster, maybe if I was a few seconds earlier, everything would have been alright. We always spent the most time together out of anyone else. So why wasn't I there for him, the one moment he needed me? I went back up to his radio tower. I could still see the purple syrup that had stained the floor. I tried to avoid it, but it covered too much of the floor. My face crumpled each time I stepped over a puddle of dried syrup, feeling like I was stepping over him, over his memories. Bronze (Bronzebronze) had left a hole in me, and now Black Sapphire (BLACKSAPPHIREBLACKSAPPHIREBLACKSAPPHIRE) had left a second one. Just like Bronze (BRONZEBRONZEBRONZEBRONZE). I tried to shake the voices out of my head, but they were too loud. I had always whispered the words, unable to keep them inside my head, but still managing to keep them quiet. However, I now shouted the names into the sky, over and over again, and my voice began growing hoarse. “BRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIREBRONZEBLACKSAPPHIRE” The voices in my head had grown so loud that they drowned out any other thought I may have. The words flowed out of me, and I couldn't stop it. I shook my head harder, trying to get the screaming out. Still, I kept going. I ran over to a wall. I bashed my head against it over and over and over and over and over again. I could see fresh syrup coating the wall where I had just been, but my vision was blurring. I couldn’t see anything but the dried purple syrup drenching the floor, -BLACKSAPPHIRE- drenching me, drenching everything until I couldn't see anything but the purple staining the ground and my hands and the walls and the desk and the -BRONZE- radio and the chair and everything as far as the eye could see. I clutched my head and stood. I fell back to the ground. My legs couldn't support - BLACKSAPPHIRE- me anymore. I ran around, trying desperately -BRONZE- to shake the voices in my head -BLACKSAPPHIRE- loose. I stumbled over -BRONZE- the syrup, the -BLACKSAPPHIRE- room spinning out of -BRONZE- control. Before I realized -BLACKSAPPHIRE- what was happening, I was -BRONZE- staring up at the ceiling. I didnt -BLACK SAPPHIRE- remember getting -BRONZE- here. I-BLACKSAPPHIRE- stared -BRONZE- at -BLACKSAPPHIRE- the -BRONZE- swirling -BLACKSAPPHIRE- room -BRONZE- around -BLACKSAPPHIRE- me. I closed my eyes and waited.
When I reopened them, Bronze and Black Sapphire were standing above me. They helped me to my feet with smiles on both of their faces. I stared in awe at them. They had an otherworldly glow to them, and I felt finally at peace with them. They took me by my arms and walked me towards the door. They didn’t speak, but I could see in their eyes that they forgave me. I felt a small smile twitching onto my lips. Their open arms were an invitation. I took their hands, feeling their soft dough once again. Their faces told me to come with them. I could stay with them forever, and we would be happy. They would never leave me again. I felt a warm serenity settle over me. I didn’t see the syrup staining the ground, nor the evidence of anything but normalcy. Hand in hand with the two cookies I loved the most, I took a step towards the door, and left the room. The last thing I felt were their warm arms around me and a soft white light embracing my dough. From now on, I would be with them forevermore.
Pure Vanilla Cookie
I am a healer. I was a healer, at least. One person had managed to slip past me, and into the embrace of death. I shuddered as I remembered the feeling of Black Sapphire's dough slowly cooling until he was nothing but a pile of crumbs and syrup. It had been exactly a day since Silverbell and I found him up there. I would never be able to hear that warm, rich voice again. I would never be able to see his face light up right before he says something silly. I would never be able to spend time with him. I would have been completely alone if not for Shadow Milk. He is the only thing keeping me from spiraling out of control. I can see his sadness, and he can see mine. We try to help each other as much as we can, but there isn't much we can do. When I cried myself to sleep, he held me close and whispered placating words that I barely heard.
How is a healer unable to fucking heal somebody? I had failed at my one job, and because of it, Black Sapphire was dead. I gathered everyone into the main room, minus Silverbell, who had been despondent as of late and no longer responded to anyone. He was often heard muttering something, but no one could ever make out what it was and we were met with no response when we asked. Once the others had arrived, I announced to everyone, “I shall be resigning as a healer from now on.” I solemnly turned and walked away, unable to look at their faces any longer. I walked faster, not wanting the group to see my tears. I began to retire to my quarters when I suddenly heard screaming from Black Sapphire’s radio tower. I ran towards it, and as I got closer, I began making out words. Somebody’s raspy voice had been screaming the words “Bronze Black Sapphire” over and over again. I wasn’t sure what or who Bronze was, but they sounded desperate for it. I heard thumping as I ran up the stairs. Once I finally reached the top, I saw the expanse of purple covered by a smaller expanse of silver. There was a small figure lying in the middle of the room with syrup pouring out of his head. I rushed towards him. “Nonononononono not again PLEASE NOT AGAIN” I cried. His eyes were closed and he wasn't breathing anymore. Thanks to my remaining healing powers, I could tell that he was gone. Nothing I could do was going to save him. I stared at him. I fucking failed. Again. Nobody had ever been such a failure before. When I was young, I had always been told that I had great potential. Sorry to disappoint. I was a terrible healer. If I can’t save anyone, who am I? Just a cookie who used to be great. I sat numbly, waiting for something. When nothing happened, I stood, staring blankly at nothing. I didn’t cry, didn't yell, didn't fight or plead. I just descended the stairs. This was my great failure. I didn't deserve life. I went back to my chambers and stared at the wall, thinking and seeing nothing. For once, the large, bright windows in my chambers didn’t console me. I usually had a wonderful view from this high up, but even the view wasn’t saving me. I walked up to the windows and gazed down and the grass far away from my view. Maybe some fresh air would help me regain my thoughts. I opened it and breathed in the air from outside. However, instead of feeling like I was breathing, I felt like I was choking on air, crushed by the weight of my failure. I stood on the window sill. The lawn looked peaceful. If I was to be reborn as something else, I’ve always thought a blade of grass would be peaceful. Nothing expected of you, just swaying in the wind. I thought back to that, and how nice it would be to be as insignificant as a blade of grass. I was exhausted by my worthless cookie body. Even now it was shaking. I was so weak and so useless, and I couldn’t save anyone. I stepped off the sill. “Goodbye Shadow Milk,” I whispered.
Shadow Milk Cookie
I was in the kitchen and watching the birds flutter around outside when I saw something yellow drop from above. I looked up to see who had dropped whatever it was, but I only saw an open window. That window was the one that Pure Vanilla loves. I looked down to see what was dropped, and tried to make sense of what I saw. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense. This… this couldn’t be… real. No. It was a lie. It had to be. I was surrounded by lies, all the time, this one was just especially cruel. I felt myself beginning to panic as I stared blankly at Pure Vanilla’s lifeless body, unable to look away. His soft golden syrup was staining the grass, and I felt sick. No. NO, it was a LIE. I ran outside and touched his face, fully expecting my hand to go right through him. It didn’t. This was completely real. How could this be?? How could my whole life be centered around lies and yet the one, singular thing that’s true is the thing that is the most painful? How could I lose the only person who I had ever truly loved, the only person who had seen beyond my confident and careless facade to the real me? The real me. What even was that? Who was he? I felt dizzy. I had based so much of my life around lies that I couldn’t even find myself under the pile of falsehoods that I had created. I felt entrapped by my own web of deceit. I needed to figure out who I really was underneath all of the tall tales and shows put on for others. Recently, I had thought of myself as Pure Vanilla’s lover, but now that he was gone, there was nothing left but the lies. So many lies, covering everything I’ve ever known. Who was I, now that he was gone? Who had I ever been? The question plagued me until I finally realized the answer: there was no real me. The real, true, honest to goodness Shadow Milk Cookie didn’t exist. Even that was, in and of itself, a lie. I wandered along the lawn in a daze, past flowers and trees. All this time, I had been the puppetmaster, pulling all the strings for other people. I stopped at a tree, a beautiful sycamore with branching limbs and leaves. Maybe now… it was time for me to be the puppet. Going limp, letting someone else take control… I smiled as I pulled my final string. I handed complete control over to my puppet master.
THE END HOLY SHART
congrats on making it to the end my little sharties stay tuned for part 2
cowrote by two anonymous queers