Chapter Text
Murphy was at home alone again, it was late, nearly midnight, he’d gotten Clay to bed, again their poor child was asking where his other father was. Murphy just brushed it off and said daddy had to work late.
But once Murphy was alone, he cried. Deep down he knew what was happening. Some nights Bellamy would come home smelling like shitty perfume and he couldn’t look him in the eyes. He’d kiss his forehead and go shower then head straight to bed, he’d be gone before Murphy woke up in the morning.
What Bellamy didn’t know is that his husband cried himself to sleep most nights, body screaming to be wrapped in the others arms, but he couldn’t bring himself to snuggle closer. He missed him so much. He missed the love. He missed the attention and the sweetness and oh, how he missed the way Bellamy used to look at him like he’d single handily hung each star. A couple months ago that stopped. Bellamy barely even kissed him. Why had things changed so rapidly?
On the days he was around, he was such a good dad, their son loved him so much. He was so unserious, dancing and singing and giving him piggy back rides. John loved watching him be a dad but he couldn’t stop thinking about what happened this afternoon.
~~~
They were having a picnic and Clay had turned to Bellamy and asked ‘Why don’t you kiss daddy anymore?’ He watched the way his husbands eyes filled with panic. John bit his lip, trying to hold back his tears. Because he didn’t love him anymore. That’s why. It had to be. But he couldn’t tell his son that so he quickly answered.
‘He kisses me a lot, sweetheart, we just don’t kiss in front of you because I know you think kissing is yucky!’
Why was he covering for him?
‘Kisses are yucky! But not when you do it! Daddy makes you smile so big when he kisses you! I like your smile dad!’
John remembered the way he smiled at their son before he turned to Bellamy. Why was there so much guilt behind the eyes he’d fallen so in love with? He leaned in and pecked his lips. Bellamy’s hand came up to hold his cheek as he whispered a gentle ‘I love you.’ and for the rest of the afternoon, things felt okay. He’d been touchy, giving him kisses and attention and Murphy was actually smiling. He felt happy.
~~~~
Later that night everything fell apart. Bellamy had gotten called into work around 11pm, John decided to call the office to check in, only to find out he’d lied, his husband wasn’t there. That’s when he realized, everything he was terrified of had just been confirmed.
He sat up till 2 am waiting, knees pulled into his chest as he rolled his wedding ring around in his palm. When the door opened and he saw Bellamy, his plans for a speech went out the window. Because he didn’t see the man who’d cheated. He saw Bellamy back when they first moved in, and every day he’d come home with flowers, he saw the man who danced around the house with him before the boxes were even unpacked, the one who promised a lifetime and bought him a star in the sky. He saw the man who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, his husband, Clays father. So when he opened his mouth to speak all that came out was a broken sob.
“Bell. I’m sorry. Im sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” He cried, collapsing against his chest, wedding ring clattering to the floor.
“I’ll be better. I’ll be a better husband. You’re all I have- I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I tried. So fucking hard. I tried to be. I know I get mad, i’m working on it! I’m seeing a therapist.”
Bellamys arms came up to wrap around him and Murphy felt his knees nearly give out. “What's going on? My Baby. Hey, Hey. Breathe for me.” Bellamy’s voice was so soft, so gentle, he’d craved this for so long. Murphy didn’t speak, he lifted his head and pressed his lips against the others, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He kissed him desperately, like he was trying to prove something, he just didn’t know what exactly. “I know, Bell. I know you cheated, you’re cheating. It has to be me right? I can change. I can be better. I can’t lose you. I want my Bellamy. I want the man who gave me the keys to our first house and picked me up and spun me around. I want the man who took me to Paris just so I could do one of the fancy cooking classes, the one who asked me to marry him in that shitty diner we had our first date. Why? Why did you do it? What did I do wrong?”
He’d never felt so pathetic, this wasn’t him. He never did this, he didn’t cry, he didn’t talk about his feelings or apologize, what happened to him? It only got worse when Clay got out of bed and ran out of his room, rushing over to the pair.
“Dad! Don’t cry, it’s okay!” His little boy hugged him and Murphy knelt down to hold his son. “Daddy’s here. He will make all those tears go away.” Clay whispered.
He didn’t have the heart to tell him that his dad was the reason he was crying so much. His son ran away and came back with his large shark plushie, pushing it into his arms. “You can have him tonight, he always makes me feel better when I’m upset.” Clay smiled and looked proud of himself. His son was so sweet already, he was going to be such a wonderful man when he grew up. “Thank you, butterfly.” John smiled and hugged him.
“Okay, Daddy, I am going to sleep, you better give dad all the kisses to make him happy again! And I want waffles for breakfast tomorrow, we can eat them and watch cartoons to help dad be happy!” Clay ordered.
Bellamy bent down and picked up their son, holding him close. “Okay buddy, i’ll make waffles, let’s get you back to bed.”
“Can you both tuck me in?” Clay asked with shining eyes. Murphy picked himself up and wiped his eyes, holding his son’s plushie as he followed Bellamy to his room. How was he supposed to tell him?
“Dad! Are you sad because you miss daddy? I know he works alot, you always say it’s so we can have food and our home and my toys. I’ll sell all my toys! Then Daddy doesn’t have to work anymore and he can be with you all the time!” Clay rambled on as Bellamy tucked him under his covers.
Murphy opened his mouth to speak, only for his husband to cut him off.
“Buddy, you’re adorable, don’t sell your toys, me and your dad are going to be okay, we will figure it out. Remember what I always tell you?” Bellamy smiled, pushing his brown locks back.
“Family can get through anything, as long as they stick together. Like you and Auntie O! She’s the coolest aunt ever!” Their son beamed.
“Exactly. Now, go to sleep, sooner you sleep the sooner you get waffles.” The curly haired man grinned, Clay quickly nodded and shut his eyes. Murphy leaned down to kiss his forehead before flicking out the lights and slipping out of the bedroom.
“Family can get through anything as long as they stick together, guess you weren’t thinking of that when you cheated on me. “ He mumbled coldly and pushed past Bellamy, apparently he was coming to his senses. His mood had switched rapidly, which was common for him, he’d struggled with his bpd and bad mood swings his whole life. “Sleep on the couch. We will talk tomorrow after we drop Clay at school. You didn’t just break my heart, Bellamy. You’re going to shatter Clays heart when he finds out. We can’t pretend forever. I hope they were worth all this.. whoever it was.” John held himself together as he spoke, watching so much sadness pool in Bellamy’s eyes. Why was he so sad? He made the choice. He had to live with it. He chose to cheat, didn’t he?