Chapter Text
The ice was like a sanctuary. A place to escape and succeed in self-imagined, impossible goals he subconsciously made. The feel of the ice as he grazed it with his calloused fingertips, the smell of water and sweat, even the expired granola bars in the hallway vending machine.
It felt like home. He would be content if he never left the rink.
It was something he was always teased for.
“You don’t have a life outside of skating, hoon! Isn’t that miserable?” Jake was exasperated.
But it wasn’t miserable. Not to him. Not when he spent his whole life working in hopes of being where he is now. Miserable was when he woke up in the morning and realized practice was postponed due to complications with his coach. Miserable was when he found himself tapping the marble countertop, hoping his skating partner would stop talking.
With a sound of a familiar exhale, he shook his head. But Jake didn’t quit. He was never the type.
“Don’t you ever get lonely? I can’t imagine my life without my Seungie… let alone not having anyone but the people I grew up with! Let’s find you a nice girl! What’s your type? Resigned, quiet, and attractive? Or someone the opposite of you-“
“Jake~ah..I don’t think now is the right time for teasing..” Heeseung looked up from the current game he was playing on the television, the blinking light insinuating he paused it.
Sunghoon just sat there with a blank expression, picking at the skin lining his nails. These conversations weren’t foreign. He knew they were anything but a place of criticism… but he couldn’t help but feel frustrated. Of course, he felt lonely sometimes. It was only natural to want to experience what everyone else his age was. To feel the warmth of another being. Support from someone closer than groups of fangirls and boys. But this is all he knew.
The ice and the dull pressure of succeeding.
Even if he wants to start something serious, he still hasn’t found someone he’s willing to risk for. Girls his age were either already dating or not looking for anything serious. At least the ones that seem intriguing come to think of it, he’s never even had a crush. Not on a girl at least.
That was the second problem.
The one eating him alive every waking moment of his life.
He doesn’t know when he realized it. Maybe when he stared too long at his pretty art teacher. Or accidentally stumbled across gay porn, watching it fully as an ’experiment’ of his curiosity. It wasn’t much of a big deal to him, to be fair. Boys could like boys just as girls could like girls and people liking people. He knew that. But when it came to him and his career, it seemed impossible. Having a media-controlled ‘sprouting relationship’ with a female didn’t help with coming to terms either.
“All I’m saying is maybe he’d let loose if he actually slept with a woman!”
But that was the last straw.
With the movement of a newborn giraffe and face of subtle fear, he stood, clearing his throat and clenching his fists at his sides.
“I like men.”
Silence.
Then the noise of sigh and the movement of a pillow cut through the air.
The soft object made contact with his face, maybe in an effort to knock sense into him.
“Then we will get you a man Sunghoon.” Jakes voice was calm, maybe slightly amused.
Silence followed the statement regardless.
Flooding the space around him with confusion and reilef.
Sunghoon felt as though a weight of 500 pounds were just lifted off of his shoulders and back. The subtle acceptance by his friends made sense in the big picture but didn’t prevent his waterline from welling with a foreign saltiness. It wasn’t often that he cried. Only a couple he could count on a singular hand. Two being a time when Gaeul was sick and a time when he fell at a very important competition. This was different. Sobs racked through him like waves crashing onto shore. His nose found solitude in his elbow as he covered his face, falling to the floor.
Warm bodies took a try at wrapping around his back and patting his trembling shoulder. This wasn’t normal. But it was much needed.
Memories resurfaced. Words of ‘You must be perfect’ and ‘only women’ slowly becoming just a blur, a haze of static growing more and more loud. Because even with the words of discouragement from his parents couldn’t overwhelm the love he felt from his people. His forever soulmates.
Sweet nothings were whispered as he tried to recover from the abruptness of this all.
Because now he couldn’t hear the sounds of anger.
All he could hear was warmness and finality.
“Its okay, Sunghoon.”
~ ☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･˚☽˚.⋆⊹₊⟡⋆ ~
He cut through the air with a practiced precision. Blades slicing air and hands flowing beside himself, a familiar routine. One to demonstrate desire and longing. Painful want for something he couldn’t have. Fingers numb from the rush of blood, feet cold and devoid of anything but muscle memory. With a great motion of his hands, he let them fall from above him, creating an image of what could only be known as relief of the end.
His senses clouded, only the feeling of pure and utter desperation fueling his drive for perfection. His left leg bounded into the air, landing a perfect delayed single axel into a back counter triple axel. His eyes and pure need for achievement only fed the crowd and concept. Just a bit more, he told himself, hands finding their way to the air once again. An approximate 4-second Ina Bauer before he felt his knees hit the solid ice. He moved forward, his knees becoming numb from the temperature. Slowly, Sunghoon’s body came to a halt, arms descending until a sudden clasp of hands signaled both the end of his performance and the breath once held now released.
His forehead lowered to the floor as he waited for confirmation he could rise. But once he actually did, the sounds of what could only be described as joy, maybe even pride, filled the arena. Flowers and plush animals hit the ice. A sea of blue carnations and penguins.
That was until something hit his head.
It wasn’t hard. In fact, it was incredibly soft with an air of vanilla and bourbon following after it.
Subconsciously, his hands followed it, lifting it up to be level with his eyes. It wasn’t even a penguin. It was a bright orange fox. Maybe it was a mistake? But he knew none of the other skaters performing today were represented by a fox.
A faint smile painted his lips as he inhaled the weirdly comforting scent. The figure skaters’ eyes trailed up to the bleachers, and it’s safe to say that his breath caught in his throat and pupils dilated.
In the sea of dark-haired individuals, there was a singular blond-headed boy covering his mouth. All to be seen were his eyes. Beautiful amber eyes. He looked guilty, remorseful maybe. Probably the incident of bad aim causing the fox boy to bow apologetically.
A chill ran down his spine.
-
Sunghoon hadn’t even realized he was off the rink until something cold trickled down his temple. Then he gasped.
“Hoon! Snap out of it! You did it! You made the team!-“ Jays voice cut through his muffled hearing.
Only then is when he felt the shaking of his shoulders, the water bottle Jake was holding above him, and the trophy he himself was grasping along with a fox.
What happened?
Why did his heart feel like it was going to explode?
Who was the amber eyed boy?
And why did he already feel guilt start to seep into his bone marrow.