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“What the hell is this thing?” Regulus mutters under his breath as he opens his eyes. The Slytherin common room is dark, the only light coming from the smoking embers of the last remaining fires. Barty and Evan went to bed earlier, bored of watching him repeat his mantra after the first two sentences.
He’s getting annoyed, and not just at his friends’ bad attitudes. It’s not his fault that they didn’t want to keep a Mandrake leaf in their mouths for a whole month. But that’s besides the point. Regulus is annoyed that he can’t get a read on his form.
It’s been one nonsensical appendage after another. First, the flat bill at his mouth. Then, the webbed feet. Then, the thing he thinks is a tail. His eyes must be incredibly small. In fact, Regulus thinks his whole… thing is small.
Annoyed, he stomps off to bed.
Barty predictably stirs. “Consequences of living with dear old dad,” he says when he’s feeling particularly bitter.
“Oi,” Barty whispers harshly as Regulus climbs into bed without acknowledging him.
Regulus tries ignoring him, pulls the sheets up to his chin and closes his eyes stubbornly.
It doesn’t work. He knows it won’t work the moment he does it anyway.
Barty’s weight dips the side of his bed and then his best friend is draped all over him. “Did you hear me, you obnoxious prick?” His breath is hot and so annoying at his neck.
Barty shoves his way under the covers and kicks at Regulus’ ankles until he groans. He replies, “Fuck off, you horrid twat.” Barty sneaks frigid toes up the hem of Regulus’ pyjama bottoms. Regulus basically jumps out of his skin. “Oh Salazar bloody fucking Slytherin!” he exclaims.
“Tell me what you saw tonight,” Barty commands.
“Why?” Regulus hisses in response. He shuffles away from Barty’s prying feet and suffocating weight. “You’re not going to get it either.”
“Because it’s funny,” he replies lazily, like this isn’t important at all.
“It’s not funny to me.”
Barty goes, “Yeah, I know.”
Regulus sighs and gives in because he’s only delaying the inevitable. “I didn’t see anything,” he reveals quietly.
“What?” Barty retorts sharply. They both hold their breath to listen for a change in Evan’s, making sure they didn’t wake him. When he doesn’t even move, Barty repeats, much quieter, “What?”
Regulus sighs again. “I didn’t see anything. I think I was… looking through my eyes. It’s horrid; you can’t even imagine. I won’t be able to see shit.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” he says annoyingly.
“Right,” he scoffs. “Why?”
“Because then you won’t have to see your weird little body.”
“Oh fuck you,” Regulus snaps.
Barty, completely ignoring how angry he makes Regulus, continues, “What do you think you are? I mean, obviously something freaky. But what?”
“I’m going to kill you,” he threatens.
Right over Regulus’ words, he muses, “Nothing magical, that’s for sure. Nothing native to here either.”
“I get it,” Regulus explodes. He stops and moves from staring at the ceiling to Regulus’ face. “Stop making fun of me. I already know.”
Barty frowns. “I’m not making fun of you,” he lies.
He shakes his head and moves to look up at the ceiling himself. He doesn't want to see Barty’s stupid earnest face. “I’m not what I thought. I get it, all right? You don’t have to…” he can’t finish his thought. Instead, he scoffs, “Whatever.”
Barty lets it hang between them. He shuffles around in bed, clearly turning onto his side to stare at Regulus as he tries to hold himself together. “So what?”
“What?” Regulus retorts reflexively.
“So what?” Barty repeats. “So what you’re not like you thought?” Regulus refuses to answer that. “You’re something different. Something cool, probably. Something we’ve never seen. Isn’t that better?”
“No,” he answers quickly.
“You get to know yourself now,” Barty says as if he’s wise enough to say something like that.
“I don’t know what the hell I am,” Regulus begins angrily. “I don’t recognise myself. I’m not—I’m probably not even real.”
“That’s impossible,” he declares. “You can’t be not real. You’re right here.”
What if I’m not, he wants to ask. Instead, Regulus says, “I wouldn’t even know where to start looking.”
“We’ll look tomorrow,” Barty decides. “You, me, Evan, and Pandora. We’ll all look.”
“We don’t…” He huffs. “We don’t know what we’re looking for.”
“Write down everything you know about your form,” he instructs around a yawn. “We’ll start there.”
Barty falls back to sleep quickly. It’s easier for both of them to sleep with someone else. For Regulus, it comes from terrifying nights in Grimmauld, burrowing in his brother’s bedsheets and using Sirius’ breath to regulate his own. For Barty, it comes from a lifetime of loneliness and a childhood spent friendless.
Regulus is grateful they have each other. Even if he has no one else, he’s certain he’ll always have Barty.
✶☀✶☀✶☀✶☀✶
“Sorry, a what?” Regulus snaps as he closes his book a little too harshly.
Pandora smiles and nods. “A platypus,” she says again. That’s not even a real word.
“What the fuck is that?” Barty asks. Regulus is wondering the same thing.
“It’s a small aquatic animal from Australia,” Pandora informs them.
“I…” Regulus is embarrassed he’s so ineloquent but. “How do you even know that?”
She laughs in his face and drops into the chair next to him. They’re in the library. Barty made good on his promise. He told Evan the moment they all woke up that they would be spending their Saturday in the library. Once they got to breakfast, he roped Pandora in too. She was only too excited. Her eyes went wide behind her huge glasses, making her look sort of like a bug. Regulus would never, ever say so to her face. Though, maybe she would be flattered. She seems to like the bugs she cradles lovingly next to the lake.
“I know a lot of things,” she says breezily.
He knows. He doesn’t know how. But he does know. “So you think I’m…” Regulus trails off and looks down at the huge book she put in front of him. It’s open right to the page he needs. Regulus can admit that it does meet all the requirements. But it’s…
“It’s kinda ugly,” Barty says.
Pandora smacks him and glares. “You can’t just say that,” she exclaims.
“No, he’s right,” Evan agrees.
“Evan!” she cries, shocked and annoyed at once.
Regulus presses his lips together into a thin line. “I mean…” He has to press harder to keep from laughing.
“Regulus,” Pandora gasps and presses a hand to her chest. “Stop it.” The three boys dissolve into giggles. “Stop it! All of you!”
Regulus takes a deep, gasping breath around his joy. There’s something almost silly about it. “I can’t believe it,” he manages to choke out. “I’m not even a whole kilogram.”
“Oh–” Pandora breaks off to scoff. “Oh, Regulus.”
“It’s funny!” he exclaims. She bites her lip. Regulus grins wider. “Come on, Dora.”
She gives in and laughs a little. “Okay, fine,” she concedes. “It’s… it’s a little—ridiculous.”
Barty smirks and Evan nudges Regulus under the table with his shoe. “You’re just a little thing,” Evan teases. Regulus rolls his eyes. “You’re so tiny, just like in real life.”
“I am not!” he argues. “I’m a very normal size!”
“You’re definitely not normal,” Barty says with a shake of his head.
“I can’t help that you’re both giants,” Regulus replies magnanimously. He folds his hands together over the table. “I’m perfectly normal.”
“Your brother is short too,” Evan points out.
“He’s–!” Regulus gapes. “He’s normal! His stupid friends are just—they’re also giant!”
Pandora hides her smile behind her hand which is at least more than he can say for his other two “friends”. She leans into his shoulder and says, “It’s not their fault they’re inbred.”
“Merlin and Morgana both!” Regulus cries and buries his face in his hands.
“Aww,” Evan coos and pats his shoulder from across the table. “Don’t be sad, you can’t help it.”
“I’m done,” he declares and stands up. “You’re all the worst and I’m done.” Then, he storms out rather dramatically. He’s pretty sure it gets his point across.
✶☀✶☀✶☀✶☀✶
The next storm comes only a week later. Regulus thinks he’s awfully lucky. He’s heard stories of it taking well over six months, especially if he had started sometime in December. Luckily, the idea struck him over summer holiday and he began the moment they returned to school.
He’s not really sure why exactly he decided to become an Animagus. He and Sirius were arguing over something stupid (before the prick ran away days later and left him for dead with their parents) and his brother threw out that he’s “way smarter” than Regulus. As bloody if, he thought. In a fit of rage, he decided to become the youngest Animagus ever recorded. He obviously can’t register… which, yeah, means no one will really know. But it’s still something he can rub in Sirius’ face. He’s almost certain his brother won’t tell. Sirius is a lot of things, but he’s never once gotten Regulus in trouble intentionally.
The storm comes in late November. It’s been raining all day but that’s not exactly uncommon in the Scottish Highlands. It’s rained plenty of times without storming and Regulus is tired of getting his hopes up.
He goes about his day as normal and truly assumes there won’t be anything special about it. Of course, it’s when he’s least expecting it that it happens.
Evan is the one who roughly shakes Regulus awake at twenty minutes to midnight. “Regulus,” he hisses. Regulus turns over and tries to smack him away. “Regulus it’s storming and if you don’t get up right now–”
He bolts upright and practically leaps out of bed. “Why didn’t you start with that?” he hisses back and snatches his wand from under his pillow. Evan raises an eyebrow at it but doesn’t say anything.
Barty is already awake. Regulus stares at him for a long time until he shrugs. “I assumed Evan would be less likely to get hexed.”
He tilts his head to the side and shrugs. Barty’s right, he supposes.
“Well?” Evan prompts impatiently.
“Oh, yes.” Regulus begins scrambling to throw on clothes appropriate for late November. Barty and Evan are dressed. He wonders how long they’ve been awake.
Pandora is already out in the rain with an Impervius cast to keep her dry. She grins when she sees him. “Come here!” she calls and waves them all over. The clearing is perfect. They chose it at the beginning of the year when Regulus announced his grand idea. They rush across the grounds and find safety under her spell. “You look like a drowned rat,” Pandora declares as she smooths unruly curls out of Regulus’ face. “My tiny drowned Aussie,” she coos.
He scoffs and shoves her off gently. “Don’t go calling me that,” he insists.
She just smiles suspiciously. He knows that means he’s lost.
Evan casts a Tempus and Regulus almost chokes. He didn’t realise he had so little time.
He quickly steps away from the three of them. Dropping into the grass, the arse of his trousers and pants are instantly soaked through. He’s not looking forward to shifting back into those.
Regulus takes deep breaths and closes his eyes. He knows it’s time. The magic calls to him, tugs at his core and floods his mind with images of a tiny, absurd platypus. He focuses hard, says what he needs to say, and lets his magic do the rest. It takes what feels like forever. He knows better than to get frustrated, but it grows harder and harder to trust himself.
It’s then that it works. As doubt begins to creep in, as the constant sound of his mother’s voice grows louder, he practically trips into it. Before he knows it, he’s tiny. He can barely see and, what he will later think is insane, he closes his eyes. In seconds, he can’t see, hear, or smell a thing. He’s not scared though. In fact, he realises, he can sense things so much better this way.
He finds his friends easily. No longer looking for them, he opens his senses again. Pandora is cooing over how cute he is while Barty and Evan’s shoulders shake with restrained laughter. He doesn’t care. He’s the smartest person in Hogwarts.
Not only that. Regulus is something cool. He’s Australian. No one in Hogwarts has ever been to Australia, he’s pretty sure.
In the distance, there’s a howl. With a start, he remembers that it’s a full moon tonight. His friends seem to realise it only moments later. They must be concerned but strangely, Regulus isn't. He knows he’s venomous. He knows he’s capable of getting away. He’s small and it’s actually quite handy.
His friends leave at some point. He’s not sure when. Or maybe he leaves them. He pauses and he must have started running. He can’t remember it and Regulus thinks that maybe it’s a little too easy to regress into his animal brain.
From his left, he senses something large coming at him quickly. In an instant he jumps out of the way. Eyes, nose, and ears closed once more, Regulus feels. It’s large but, oddly, he doesn’t feel threatened. In fact, Regulus relaxes and opens his eyes. There, large and looming and lovely, is the most majestic stag Regulus has ever seen.
What the hell, he thinks in his foggy, tiny brain. The stag bows low and inspects him. Then, from behind the stag, a mangy looking dog appears. It sniffs at Regulus’ head, something that irritates him to no end. He darts out of the way and makes a low growling sort of noise. The dog growls back but sits on its hind legs. The stag, which Regulus did forget about, nudges the dog with one of its large antlers. The dog barks.
Then, terrifyingly, a wolf—no, werewolf appears to the left. That does set off Regulus’ internal alarm.
He has no time to react though. Before he has time to fully think through what his instincts are screaming, the stag scoops (yes, scoops!) him up with its snout. Regulus doesn't know what on Earth is going on. The dog starts barking wildly, skipping around the feet of the werewolf. The stag is walking very carefully, definitely taking into account Regulus being on its back. The werewolf is leading them deeper into the forest.
It doesn’t stop there. No, why would it? Regulus senses a small thing darting between the stag’s hooves. He’s horrified. What other Merlin-forsaken creatures could be part of this ragtag crew?
A rat.
It’s a fucking rat.
Regulus only knows after the stag lets him down in a clearing and the thing all but attacks him. It sniffs him so aggressively Regulus nearly kicks it. He’s venomous, which he knows thanks to Pandora’s book on Australia. He doesn’t but only because the stag knocks it away gingerly. It huffs in the rat’s face. The rat makes a sound back but doesn’t try bothering Regulus again.
Somehow, he manages to spend the entire night with this group of… of whatever they are. He guesses he’s so curious he can’t possibly bear to part from them. That must be it. It definitely has absolutely nothing to do with the stag’s huge brown eyes and fiercely protective nature.
When the horizon begins to lighten, the four unlikely friends split unevenly. The werewolf darts off with a howl and a longing in its eyes. The three others watch it leave before meandering back towards Hogwarts themselves. Regulus gets hit with the sudden fear for his friends. He wonders where they are, if they’re okay, if they’re worrying about him. He hopes they didn’t look for him.
It’s that train of thought that urges Regulus away. He sprints off toward where he left his friends and doesn't look back. He doesn’t care to figure out the mystery of his strange companions.
Pandora, Evan, and Barty aren’t waiting for him, luckily. He transforms back fairly easily with the anxiety mulling in his chest. It’s simple to remember who he is when he has people he needs to see. He just doesn't know what he’s going to tell them.
He doesn’t know what he’s going to tell himself.
✶☀✶☀✶☀✶☀✶
“Reg!” James Potter, bane of Regulus’ entire existence, calls after him two days later.
Regulus and Evan are on their way to Ancient Runes when James comes chasing after him. He nearly hexes the other boy on the spot for using such a familiar nickname when they’re not friends.
He and Evan both turn around to look at James over their shoulder. “What?” Regulus prompts impatiently when he just stares like an imbecile. “Potter, I do not have time–”
“Have you ever been to Australia?” he blurts and then looks comically alarmed.
Regulus would find it funny if not for how suspiciously apt the question is. Rather than a clever retort, he finds himself gaping at James. I’ve made a mistake, he thinks wildly. He doesn't know how it’s possible James caught him, but clearly he has. He can’t think of a single thing to say. Surely he’s giving himself away.
“Sorry.” James coughs and grabs a handful of hair at the back of his head. He tugs at it and Regulus thinks it must be painful. He wants to smack that hand away. “That was… that’s a weird… I don’t—I didn’t mean to–”
“No,” Regulus interrupts simply to put them both out of misery. “I’ve never been to Australia.”
With that, he turns on his heel and probably stomps away. Evan mutters, “what a freak,” under his breath as they turn the corner. Regulus can’t help but disagree. He thinks James must be very clever indeed.
✶☀✶☀✶☀✶☀✶
In a horrifying turn of events, it becomes a thing. Not on Regulus’ end, mind, but James starts chasing him around the castle and basically hounding him.
Finally, in a fit of rage and sleep-deprivation, Regulus snaps. All things considered, Regulus is rather proud of himself for holding it together as long as he did. It took ten whole days for him to break.
Regulus is in a secret alcove in the dungeons (one he’s certain no one knows about, not even Pandora) when James suddenly appears from behind the tapestry. He’s cupping something in his hands. Regulus can’t see but he’s certain it’s stupid and ridiculous.
“Reg,” James says in that too-casual way of his.
That’s what does it. The way a nickname he bloody hates sounds coming out James’ mouth.
He stands up, balls his fists to keep from grabbing his wand, and all but screeches, “Leave me the fuck alone!” James flinches back, his fingers flexing carefully as he glances down at whatever the hell it is in concern. “I don’t know why you keep following me around like a lost crup, but since it has slipped your notice: we are not friends. We do not know each other.” Regulus pauses and looks at James insistently. “Stop calling me that stupid name. Stop chasing after me. Stop pretending like you care what I’m doing.”
His shoulders slump and he pouts down at his palms. Rather than listening (because why would he?), James flattens his hands so Regulus can see what he’s holding.
“A snail,” Regulus breathes and his eyebrows pinch together. “Why–?”
“Er.” James rocks back on his heels and holds the thing sheepishly out for him. “I thought… I don’t know, it’s stupid,” he rushes out rather than simply finishing his sentence.
“Potter, you are so stupid and annoying, if you don’t tell me what you–”
“Platypuses eat snails,” he blurts.
Regulus blinks at him. James blinks back. Regulus gasps. James grimaces.
“Are you insane?” Regulus hisses and closes the minimal distance between them.
Breathlessly, James replies, “Yes.”
He scowls and looks down at the tiny thing in James’ hand. It’s slimy. Regulus has no idea what is going on in this idiot’s mind. His attention returns to James’ face where he’s being watched with something open and earnest. Regulus hates it—hates him, he means. He hates James.
“Why would you–” He breaks off to groan. “How do you know?” Regulus opts to ask instead.
The other boy blinks at him with horribly faked innocence. “Know what?”
“James, I am going to kill you. I swear on Salazar Slytherin’s grave that I–”
“You called me James,” he interrupts with that breathless voice again.
Regulus falters and ends up staring at him, completely shocked. “I… what?”
“James,” he repeats reverently. “You said my name for the first time.”
“I—No. I…” He shakes his head. “What does that even matter? How do you know about the—the thing you know.”
James’ face softens and he looks down at the ugly little snail in his hand. His face is so obnoxiously, sickeningly sweet and fond and he’s smiling at a damn snail. “I could smell you,” he states.
“You are absolutely mad,” Regulus declares and backs away. “That makes no sense at all. You have–”
“The sixth years make Amortentia as one of the first potions of the year. Do you know that?” James interrupts to ask.
He wants to play stupid. No, even worse. He wishes he were simply stupid. He wishes he had no idea what the hell James is talking about. Unfortunately, he is not and never has been stupid. He is too smart for his own good. Sirius has said so often—usually after Mother finished telling him off.
“You’re… Surely, you’re not trying to tell me…” James doesn't take it back though. He stares, wide-eyed and guileless, like a baby bloody deer, and smiles charmingly. Regulus thinks he must have died and gone to… to wherever someone goes to suffer. But then he suddenly remembers what the point of this whole conversation even is. Which is how on Earth James knows he’s an animagus. “That doesn’t explain anything. You’re just—I have more questions now, frankly.”
James huffs a little laugh. It’s a laugh that is not cute or endearing in the slightest. What could he possibly see in Regulus? He’s been a troll to the other boy the entire time they’ve known one another. Regulus even wrote him a nasty little note on the first letter he ever sent to Sirius at just ten years old.
“I’m…” James licks his bottom lip. It is not distracting or appealing in the slightest. “I was out that night.”
Regulus waits for him to go on. The longer he takes, the more Regulus’ face twists. “So you’re a freak who goes around sniffing the forest? I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
He bites that lip now. It’s a stupid, but very normal, lip. “I was the, erm, stag,” he confesses grandly.
After his brain takes a second to catch up, he snarks, “Oh, that’s just great. Perfect. I’m not spectacular in any way and Sirius will always be better than me. I can’t have anything, can I? I’ll always be–”
“You can have me,” James interrupts. He keeps interrupting Regulus. What is wrong with him?
“I–” Regulus scoffs. He shakes his head. “What are you banging on about?”
“I—Well, I think you’re spectacular… and better than Sirius. In a way, sort of, I guess.”
“You’re very convincing,” he replies condescendingly.
James smiles tremulously. “It’s fairly obvious I fancy you, Reg—Regulus,” he corrects himself quickly. “Regulus, sorry.”
“You… What do you even like about me?” he wonders genuinely. “We hardly speak, I hate you, I’ve never said anything nice to you. What could you possibly like about me? Other than being an available version of Sirius, I suppose.”
“Oh,” James sighs and he looks devastated. “Oh, no.” He shakes his head and approaches Regulus cautiously. He’s still holding that absurd snail. “I like everything about you,” he lies. “You’re clever and quick. You’re funny, even though it’s usually at my expense. You’re incredible at Quidditch—not to mention how attractive you look on a broom. You’re one of the only people in this school who isn’t constantly expecting something of me. You see straight through me.” Regulus can’t find the words to declare that he’s lying. He must be. “I see you, too, Regulus.”
He laughs. “That’s not threatening,” he mutters.
James smiles and it’s a little cute. Only a little, though, not too much. “You’re funny,” he repeats. “You’re kind, too. Not when you think someone is watching, though, because you have a reputation to uphold. But I’ve seen how you are with Pandora. You Slytherins like to pretend you don’t have hearts.” James holds out the snail again. Regulus looks down at it. It’s unbelievably small. He can’t imagine ever eating such a thing. It’s so little. It can’t even fight back. “I see yours though.” Regulus looks back up. “I see your heart, Regulus, and I want it.”
In a horrifying turn of events, he doesn’t have anything to say. He takes the snail and holds it carefully.
✶☀✶☀✶☀✶☀✶
“I wish I had never gotten you that stupid thing,” James complains as he levitates a large fish tank through their flat and into the bedroom.
Regulus, currently hiding in the front pocket of James’ hooded jumper, obviously says nothing. When he asked if Regulus would move in with him, he was warned that he would have no help moving the furniture. James had readily agreed. Regulus thinks he was too eager to get the answer he wanted that he didn’t think of the consequences.
He takes a nice nap. The pocket is warm, Regulus is tiny, James smells intoxicating. Everything is right.
James gingerly takes him out of his jumper sometime later. Regulus shifts back instantly and lets James catch him as he stumbles. He glances around the bedroom. It looks like theirs now. Regulus’ colony of snails in the corner, James’ huge collection of various deer knick-knacks, the occasional stray Muggle record and odd book, moving photos of all of Regulus’ friends at their graduation less than a month ago. It’s theirs now.
Regulus turns on his heel and drapes himself over James, pushing them both onto the bed. He beams down at his boyfriend. “So when are you taking me to Australia?”
James’ laughter fills their flat with life. He kisses Regulus quickly. “For our honeymoon,” he declares.
Regulus’ stomach flips and his heart skips. He doesn't say anything. They’re not in any rush. They have the rest of their lives. Regulus kisses James, slow and full of love. “Don’t lose me, okay?” He draws back to stare into his huge doe eyes.
James’ face is soft and fond. “Never.”