Chapter Text
Tina grabbed on to the back of a chair for balance, blinking at herself in the mirror. Somehow, she had different earrings on than she’d had half a minute ago. Her nails were painted, her lips freshly glossed.
But more importantly, she was wearing a mini skirt, and a white bodysuit with an enormous bow in the middle of her chest.
From a few makeup chairs over, Brittany was laughing.
“That was the best! Tina, did you feel it? There was a bright light and then it felt like I had an orgasm, and then I had this outfit on. We’re like non-coordinating Cheerios.”
“Did Rachel give you a compact, too?” Tina asked Brittany. “She said it would make us do better at the competition…I just thought she wanted us to pluck our eyebrows.”
“Yes, we all got the same compacts,” Quinn said, fists on her hips, glaring at herself in the mirror.
“Quinn, what the fuck is that outfit, anyway?” asked Santana.
“Whatever, Santana! You have the same skirt and the same ridiculous bow.”
“Yeah, but my colors match. Red and purple? Seriously?”
Quinn rolled her eyes in response, just as Rachel burst in the door.
“Wonderful! I see you’ve all transformed. We are now ready to compete and win Regionals. This is really the next step in our evolution as a performance show choir: super powers.”
“Sorry…super powers??” asked Santana. “I like makeovers as much as the next girl, but they don’t ACTUALLY give you superpowers.”
“But these compacts gave you all super powers!” Rachel said, brandishing her own. “Now you won’t run out of breath while you’re singing; your voice will be much richer, and you’ll never get tired on stage!”
“Wait,” Tina said, “Are you telling me that your mini skirts and vocal performances are because of your super powers?”
“Tina! I’ve worked very hard to achieve my current skill level. Even though none of you have worked as hard as me, we’re all taking this next step together, as a team.”
Quinn was picking at the gaudy brooch in the middle of her bow.
“I’m just so excited! I can’t wait to hear what I sound like,” Rachel babbled.
“Rachel,” Quinn started, “If you enhance our performance skills with super powers, then won’t the guys look terrible in comparison? You’ve talked for the past two weeks about how we need to be balanced, and complement each other.”
“Yes, Quinn, thank you for bringing up that question. In fact, the boys have all received their own mirrors. Theirs are less adorable, of course. Still, I think—”
They could hear Kurt’s scream from across the hallway. “NAVY BLUE AND YELLOW?! IS THIS A JOKE?! GET ME RACHEL BERRY. NOW.”
“Anyway,” Rachel rushed to finish, “I had to promise we’d also help in an intergalactic fight against evil. But we don’t have to worry about that until after Regionals! I’d better go see what Kurt wants…”
They could hear Puck and Finn yelling now, too.
Their own dressing room was quiet with Rachel gone. Tina’s eyes met Mercedes’.
“Intergalactic fight against evil sounds kind of…”
“I’m sure Rachel’s just overreacting to some contract she signed,” Mercedes said, waving her hand. “Could these skirts be any damn shorter, though?” She tugged at the hem.
“Umm, so did anyone else get an oversized dildo?” Santana asked, holding up a small, slender white stick with a gold star at the end. “I don’t think this one would be very comfortable, though.”
Everyone fell quiet again, and then Tina started laughing.
“This might be it,” Quinn said over her. “This might be the final straw that leads me to actually kill Rachel Berry.”