Chapter Text
Sheng Shao You grew up watching endless arguments between his parents, watched his mother give everything she had to a man who grew weary of her within two years of marriage. He listened to her cry and complain to him about his father, his fathers mistresses and his fathers bastards. He saw the disdain his father grew towards his mother, she was used and disarded just like that.
Shao You watched her drown herself in a bottle, they sat at the dinner table on her birthday, his father had forgotten it. Shao You thought to himself, is this marriage? Love someone with every fibre of your being and watch them betray you for years on end?
His mother washed down her booze with a mouthful of pills one night and Shao You rang an ambulance after trying to shake her awake, sat next to her with wide eyes until they arrived. He visited her everyday in hospital, holding her hand and whispering that he loved her. She looked straight through him and asked if his father had visited, his expression told her he had not.
Shao You watched couples closely as he grew up, omegas were treated like objects in some cases, in others alphas were lured in by devious omegas who cared nothing for them but needed a good mate.
His mother was sucessful in her self-posioning when he was 16.
She called him at school and begged him to cut his last class and come home.
"I need you Shao You," she told him.
"I can't cut class," he told her, he was top of his class, how can she expect him to skip a lesson? He was irritated and hung up the phone. He would comfort her later, he promised himself.
He returned home after school and found her lying on the sofa. One look at her told him that she was dead, Shao You sat with her body until it the sky turned dark, waiting for his father to come home, because he would know what to do. But the hours turned over, his father was spending the night with a mistress, he realised holding his mothers cold hand. Shao You made the call himself, no one else would anytime soon.
He ate alone in their house after that, his father always had a mistress to tend to. Shao You didn't tell anyone that he had hung up the phone on her, what would they think of him? It kept him awake at night, his dreams were haunted by her. His father never shed a tear.
What a thing it was to fall in love he thought.
He lost his virginity to an omega he met in his class when he was 18, he went back to the guys house and and was gently guided through what to do. The omega and him dated for a few weeks. Shao You told him things he had never told another person. Within a week he caught the omega with another alpha, when Shao You confronted him, he was told the other alpha could give him more that Shao You could. Shao You was too depressing, too mopy he was told by the omega, he didn't want to hear about Shao You's dead mother all the time.
That was what love was.
Shao You swore to be more careful, but he was always on the naive side, quickly taken in by an omega with a sad tale and a pretty face. But he was careful to keep his feelings to himself, he didn't want to reveal his own secrets, not after they had been thrown in his face the last time.
His siblings scammed him every chance they got, Shao You didn't have the heart to deny them even if he had his suspisions. An inner voice would whisper, what if they do what his mother did? And it would all be his fault?
Shao You stared at the food that Hua Yong had prepared him, some kind of soup, it was god awful. But Hua Yong's large eyes stared into his with a kindness he wasn't used to. So he smiled and thanked him for the food.
"It's delicious," he told Hua Yong.
Hua Yong just smiled.
Shao You wasn't used to an omega who wouldn't have sex with him, that was what they usually wanted from him. But instead Hua Yong was a comforting presence, dependable, he whispered to Shao You in the night.
"I was mercilessly teased," Hua Yong told him. "I was bullied relentlessly."
Shao You stroked his delicated cheek, both their faces next to each other on the pillow.
His voice caught with emotion, "Cruelty for cruelty's sake." Shao You said. "You didn't deserve it."
Hua Yong pressed a kiss to his wrist and smiled softly.
"You're the kindest man i've met."
It took months but Shao You eventually whispered his darkest secret to Hua Yong, who had returned to him after an ordeal at Wen Langs hands that he couldn't imagine.
He wrapped his arms around Hua Yong who faced the other way, buried his face in the man'd orchid scented hair.
Hua Yong stiffened from his touch, but Shao You didn't want sex.
"Shhhh just listen," Shao You whispered. He couldn't speak of this in the light and couldn't handle Hua Yong's eyes on him as he said it.
"My parents had a terrible marriage. My father cheated on my mother constantly. She spent most of my childhood deeply unhappy." Shao You paused, but a soothing hand stroking his arm made him go on. "She had been unsuccesful in her previous suicide attempts, but on the day she was successful, she called me at school. Begged me to skip class and go home, to keep her company."
Shao You swallowed, he wasn't able to shed a tear on this matter, but recalling it made him nauseous.
"I hung up on her. Because I didn't want to skip class. It was more important to me than her happiness. I wish I hadn't, every day it plays on my mind. I got home and she was....." Shao You stumbled over the last part.
Hua Yong tried to turn over to comfort him, but Shao You held him firmly, knowing he could overpower the omega.
"Don't, lets stay like this," Shao You insisted.
Hua Yong hummed unhappily, but didn't attempt to roll over and look at him. Hands intertwined with his and a kiss was pressed to his wrist.
"It wasn't your fault Shao You." Hua Yong simply said.
After a moment Shao Yong asked the question that had plagued his mind for years.
"Do you think she would be alive if I had gone home?"
"Perhaps," Hua Yong answered honestly. "But she would have done it the next day or the next. You aren't responsible for other peoples actions, Shao You. You may try to solve everyones problems for them, but its not your job."
Shao You stopped dreaming of his mother for the first time in years.
Unware that Hua Yong had rolled over in the night and lay examining every detail of his face, counting every breath he took. Finally they were bonding Hua Yong thought.
When Shao You was dragged into the hotel room by his tie, fought with all his might against an iron grip and a mocking laugh. He gasped when a hand grabbed his neck and made him flush with heat.
The next day he wept like a child when he read Hua Yong's letter, he hadn't been able to cry for years but couldn't contain himself now.
His mothers' ugly trait reared its head, a little voice whispered in his mind in the night, do it.
Then his pain eased, Hua Yong was home, he couldn't bring himself to tell the omega his new secret shame, not his recent dark thoughts or his night at the hotel. The omega had enough on his plate.
The earthquake came, Shao You flung himself forward to save his omega. He would die for him in a heartbeat. His emotions went from relief, at not being crushed, then to confusion, Hua Yong had pushed the bookcase back with one finger, despite Shao You's own weight and strength not being able to shift it. The wound from his head made him dizzy and he slumped against a surprisingly strong body.
Hua Yong tried to use alpha phermones on him when he awoke and Shao You knew, he had been decieved.
That was was love he reminded himself bitterly. While sitting next to the liar, trapped by rouble, and both soaked in blood.
"You lied to me," Shao You accused.
"I love you," Hua Yong explained, looking far too pale.
"You don't," Shao You weakly said.
He pressed next to the liar to keep them warm, his own teeth began chattering. He ignored any attempt Hua Yong made at conversation. Shao You didn't have the words.
"Talk to me Mr Sheng." Hua Yong pleaded. "Say something, I love you."
Shao You shook his head slowly, the pain in his head clouding his rage.
"You don't." Was all he could say.