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“Hyung,” Taehyung speaks softly from the other side of the room.
Namjoon looks up from his book and sees the boy lying on his belly on the bed, looking at Namjoon with his face half-squished on the pillow.
“Yeah?” Namjoon prompts.
“How did you know you liked men?”
The question catches Namjoon off guard. He tries to school his expression quickly, but the way his eyebrows hit the ceiling was impossible to miss.
“I mean…” Taehyung backtracks, redirecting his look to the window. “I've been a bit insensitive towards you guys recently. I think I just wanted to understand…”
Indeed, Taehyung made a few off-the-mark comments about the members’ sexuality recently and Namjoon meant to have a serious conversation about it with him, but still hadn't thought about how to approach it. Taehyung being the one to bring the topic up is great news. Namjoon smiles, dimples poking out, and rests his book on the bedside table. “I'm glad you've been thinking about it, Taehyung-ah,” Namjoon says honestly. “Jimin-ah has been very upset, but I asked him to avoid starting an argument about it until I talked to you.”
“Oh…” Taehyung says, frowning. “I'm very sorry, hyung.”
“We'll have time for apologies later with everyone present,” Namjoon reassures him. “But first, what exactly don't you understand?”
Taehyung sits up, looking down at his lap and playing with his nails.
“It's just… It doesn't make sense to me, I don't know.” Taehyung shrugs. “I can't picture what it feels like and because of that I can't… settle with the idea. It's stupid and I know my opinion isn't worth shit…”
Namjoon interrupts him. “Hey, don't say that. We can work it out together, okay? I can talk about what it was like for me. Is that okay?”
Taehyung nods, looking up to meet Namjoon's eyes.
“Well, realizing I liked men came in two steps. I think… I fell in love with one, like, bad. So so bad.” Namjoon feels his cheeks heating up and quickly hides his face with his hands. “I didn't even realize it. I thought we were just friends and that I just really, really, really liked him. As a friend.” Namjoon huffs. “But I was dead jealous whenever he came back to the dorm reeking of alcohol. I kept thinking of all the girls that could've thrown themselves at him while he was out drinking, even back then.”
“Wait,” Taehyung interrupts, eyes wide. “A member? Yoongi-hyung?”
Namjoon nods, still not looking at Taehyung. “I had no idea what it meant. I'd just give him and the others the nastiest look when they arrived.”
Taehyung chuckles lightly. “But then, when did you know?”
“It's even more embarrassing,” Namjoon grunts. “Really, I swear I would never date any of you guys, I truly wouldn't want to mix romantic feelings with friendship and work, it's just that in those first years it was really hard to protect myself from feeling like this because I had no idea I could feel like this, you know?” Namjoon shakes his head and looks at Taehyung. “Do you remember when I kept talking about Jimin-ah all the time? Just like, little comments about how cute and small and sexy he was.”
Taehyung frowns. “No, I don't think I remember.” His voice sounds weird, but Namjoon brushes it off, focused on his own embarrassment.
“I went on with it for a while until it clicked for me that I was attracted to him. Like, really, really attracted to him. And then I went back to think about what I felt for Yoongi-hyung, and it made sense.”
Taehyung hums, non-committal, face completely neutral. “Yeah… I think it does.” Then, he shakes his head and gets up. “Thank you for telling me, Namjoon-hyung,” he says, bowing lightly. “I'll do my best to learn.”
Namjoon smiles at him. “It's alright, as long as you don't tell anyone what I just told you. Capeesh?”
Taehyung nods vehemently before fleeing out the door.
“Yoongi-hyung,” Yoongi hears Taehyung calling from the other side of the door.
“Come in.” The door creaks open. "Taehyungie, what brings you to my coven?” Yoongi sets his laptop aside and moves to sit on the edge of his bed.
“Ah, hyung… I was just wondering if we could talk about… uh, men, I think.”
Yoongi's face goes through a dozen expressions before settling on the most neutral he can muster. “You wanna talk about… men?”
Taehyung looks away, looking sheepishly at the floor. “Ah, not like that, just… I was wondering what it's like to be gay… or bisexual, in your case. I thought that maybe I could do better if I… well, if I knew more about this stuff.”
Yoongi hums, understanding perfectly where it comes from. They were due to a conversation about respecting every sexuality, and he was proud of Taehyung taking the first step.
“So, you wanna know…?”
“How did you know you liked men?”
The specific question puzzles Yoongi more than the topic of conversation in itself. Alarm bells ring in the back of his mind, but he ignores them for now, focusing on what Taehyung needs.
“Ah, it wasn't hard,” Yoongi waved him off. “Have you seen my roommate? No one can stay straight living with Seokjin full-time. I mean, that's probably why 6 out of 7 of us are gay as fuck,” he jokes.
Taehyung nods, humming. “Actually, Namjoon-hyung said it was you who turned him gay.”
Yoongi chokes on his spit. “Come again?”
Taehyung freezes. “Ah, I wasn't supposed to say that. Forget it.”
Yoongi raises a finger. “First, I need to reiterate that my comment was a joke and you definitely can't turn someone gay, or straight for that matter.”
Taehyung nods, “Yeah, of course. I'm sorry.”
“Second, what the hell?” Yoongi squeezed his eyes, deep in thought. “He must be trying to pick a fight with me again.”
Taehyung cocks his head in confusion. “Why?”
“He keeps saying this kind of stuff just to rile me up, it's very annoying.”
Taehyung presses his lips shut, unwilling to comment.
“I'll have a word with him later,” Yoongi concludes, but Taehyung shakes his head desperately.
“Please, don't tell him I told you he was in love with you,” he begs.
Yoongi's brain comes to a halt a second time. Silence floats between them for a moment before Yoongi can speak again. “You know what? Just go, I'll think about how to berate him without clocking you. Just… go now, please.”
Taehyung bows quickly and flees, leaving Yoongi behind with an itch he can't scratch.
If the next person Taehyung stumbles upon is Seokjin, it's merely a coincidence. The man was glued to the couch since their break started, and the joystick seemed equally glued to his hands. Taehyung approaches him slowly, taking a seat next to the man and waiting for his presence to be noted.
“Oh, hi, Taehyungie.” Seokjin's eyes are still glued to the TV, which was better for Taehyung to say what he was going to say.
“Hyung, how did you know you liked men?”
In comparison to the previous two, Seokjin barely reacts.
“Ah, I was looking in the mirror one day and realized that if there was a man as pretty as me out there, I'd date him without a second thought. Then, I met Hoseok-ah and realized that not only was I gay as fuck, but I really like it when pretty men scold me.”
“Oh? Hoseok-hyung?” Taehyung asks curiously.
“Ah, that was a long time ago. I wouldn't date any of you now after knowing your personalities.”
Taehyung chuckles. “It's funny how everyone in this band… Ah, I mean,” he stops himself in time. “I was just asking around, and each of you has very different answers, it's really cool,” he adds, awkwardly.
Seokjin hums, attention clearly split between tasks. “It's different for everybody, so you shouldn’t compare yourself to our experiences.”
Taehyung's eyes widen. “Uh, what do you mean?”
Seokjin's mouth turns up slightly. “Nothing, just general advice.”
Taehyung's cheeks burn. “Ah, thank you, hyung. It was nice talking to you, bye.” And like that, he bolted.
Taehyung is now making his way to Jimin and Hoseok's room when he hears laughter coming from the single bedroom. Hm, might as well talk to Jungkookie first.
He opens the door without knocking, finding both Jungkook and Hoseok sitting close together on the bed, watching something on Jungkook's laptop.
“Oh, hey, Taetae.” Hoseok waves at him with a big smile.
“Hyung!" Jungkook gives him his trademark bunny smile. "Join us, we're watching Run BTS funny compilations.”
Taehyung ponders if he should interrupt. “Ah, actually, I just wanted to talk about something… But it can wait.”
“Do you need to talk to Jungkookie alone? I could go grab us something to drink while you talk,” Hoseok suggests, but Taehyung shakes his head.
“No, actually, it's something I'm asking all the members, so it's okay if you're here.”
“Oh?” Jungkook cocks his head. “What is it?”
“Just a silly question, really, I was going around asking how you guys knew you liked men. For science, you know.” Taehyung shrugs.
There's a moment of silence before Hoseok folds himself in half and laughs loud enough for the whole house to hear. Jungkook, on the other hand, looks away immediately.
“Everyone knows what it was for Jungkookie,” Hoseok says when he manages to stop laughing.
Taehyung thinks for a moment but comes back empty. “Should I know it?”
“Oh, c'mon. The way Jungkook-ah acted near Namjoon was so obvious. Endearing, really. And disgusting sometimes.” Hoseok scrunched his nose.
Next to him, Jungkook groans and hides his face with a pillow. He says something that is too muffled to understand, so Hoseok takes the pillow away from him, leaving his red face all exposed. “Can you blame me?” Jungkook mumbled. “I was a hormonal teen and his thighs—”
“No!" Hoseok screams, pushing the pillow against Jungkook's face again. "I will not listen to another rendition of your love for Namjoon's thighs, we're past that already."
“I thought he was just like a fan or something,” Taehyung says, scratching his head.
“Oh, definitely a fan, a very jealous one at that.” Hoseok snickers and Jungkook slaps him. “When Namjoon had a crush on Minnie, Jungkookie was the most annoying being on Earth.”
Jungkook and Taehyung frown at the same time, with an additional pout from Jungkook. “He saw me as a baby, it was an unfair competition.”
“We still see you as a baby,” Hoseok ruffles Jungkook's hair and Jungkook shoves him to the side.
“What about you, Hobi-hyung?” Taehyung interrupts.
Hoseok's smile falls fast and now it's time for Jungkook to snicker. “Tell us, Hobi-hyung.” Jungkook giggled.
“Ah, it wasn't a big deal, I think I always knew somehow…”
Jungkook whines, but Taehyung remembers something that makes him chuckle. “Oh, Hobi-hyung, was it our kiss that made you realize you're bi? Is that why you don't wanna say it?” Taehyung teases.
Hoseok smiles. “Oh, yeah, it was definitely that, Taetae. You were irresistible that day.” Hoseok winks and Taehyung giggles.
Jungkook groans. “Ah, stop lying, hyung. Tell Tae how you were also so in love with Jiminie-hyung.”
Taehyung's smile falls flat. "Was everyone in this band in love with Jimin-hyung at some point?" There's too much annoyance in his voice for such a trivial topic, but no one questions it.
"Ah, I don't know," Jungkook says, not realizing it's a rhetorical question. "I think maybe Seokjin-hyung wasn't. And you, of course."
Taehyung blinks slowly. "You mean…" He chokes on his spit, which quickly turns into a coughing fit. When he's able to speak again, Hoseok and Jungkook are looking at him with worried expressions. "All of you, really?"
"Ah, it was never like that for me, it's like a platonic crush," Jungkook explains, chuckling. "I admire him a lot and feel the need to be close, but there's no sexual or romantic interest, you know? Actually, I feel that about all of you on different occasions."
"Nothing platonic about your crush for Namjoon, though, I've listened far too much about it."
Jungkook sighs, throwing his head back. "You know I still hope one day he won't see me as a kid anymore."
Hoseok crackles, but Taehyung is still in deep thought about what Jungkook said. "So it's normal to have a platonic crush on your friend? Can you have it even though you're straight?" he asks, carefully.
The other two stop laughing and share a knowing look.
"Yeah, it's common between close friends, and it has nothing to do with your sexuality." Hoseok hesitates. "But is there a specific reason you're asking this? Maybe we could help if you explained…"
Taehyung shakes his head frantically. "No! Not at all. It's just curiosity. Anyways, thank you for answering me." Taehyung bows and is ready to run away when Jungkook says something that makes him freeze.
"Hey, Tae. Have you had this conversation with Jiminie yet?"
Taehyung shakes his head.
"You should."
Jimin hears footsteps. They stop right outside his door. He looks at it, waiting for someone to knock, but nobody does. He frowns.
"Hello?" Jimin calls out. "You can come in."
There's a moment of hesitation. Then the door opens to reveal Taehyung with a frightened look on his face.
"Is everything okay, Taetae?"
He smiles, but it looks forced. "Yeah… I just wanted to talk about something." His voice is low in tone and volume, making it hard to understand from a distance.
Jimin throws the blanket away and sits up, patting the spot on the bed next to him for Taehyung to sit. He does.
Now that he's closer, Jimin can sense better how stressed Taehyung is. He brushes a hand on Taehyung's hair, taking the strands off his face and caressing the spot. That seems to have a positive impact, because Taehyung's shoulders release some tension and he leans against Jimin's side.
"I know you're mad at me," Taehyung whispers. "Namjoon-hyung told me."
Jimin frowns. "I'm not mad at you, Tae. I'm…" he huffs. "I'm a bit upset." Though it's hard for Jimin to stay that way when Taehyung is pouting so cutely.
"Do you still love me?" Taehyung asks, voice aggravated, and Jimin laughs with his whole body, his eyes squeezing shut. "I'm serious," Taehyung adds, mildly annoyed.
"I know, that's why I'm laughing." Jimin flicks Taehyung's nose. "Of course, I still love you, Tae." Jimin rests his hand on Taehyung's cheek, brushing his thumb against his cheekbones. "I know you didn't mean it…"
Taehyung shakes his head. "I meant it."
Jimin frowns. "What?" He retreats his hand.
"Not all of it, but… That thing I said to you. That I don't like you dating guys."
Jimin's face twists in anger. "And here I was being all nice to you…"
Taehyung's eyes widen. "No, no, let me finish. I was thinking really hard about why I felt this way, and I couldn't find a solution, so I posted on Reddit…"
Jimin snorts. "Oh my god."
Taehyung looks away, blush creeping up his neck. "Don't judge me… yet." He recomposes himself and keeps going. "So, I asked if the things I've been saying recently that hurt you guys made me homophobic. Most of the answers were yes… But then someone said that maybe… Maybe I was… gay and they asked if I would feel aversed to it if you dated girls too." He looks to the ground, not ready to see Jimin's reaction to his words. "And I was really confused because I don't think I'd like it if you dated girls either. So I talked to the members, and Namjoon-hyung said he felt something like that with Yo—someone." Taehyung coughs, hiding his almost slip. "And then he realized that he was in love with him. I started freaking out because that can't be it, right? I never felt this for a guy before, and Yoongi-hyung said no one can turn you gay." He shakes his head. "And Seokjin-hyung said I shouldn't compare myself and my feelings to you guys, that it's not the same for everybody. But then I went to talk to Hoseok and Jungkookie, and I think maybe they gave me the answer."
"And what is it?" Jimin's voice comes out weak.
"It's like a platonic crush!" Taehyung tries to sound excited, with his eyes still fixed on the ground. "Like… I really love you, you know that," he says, softly. "And you're my soulmate, I have no doubt about it."
Jimin hiccups, and Taehyung turns quickly to look at him, only to see tears streaming down his face. "No, don't cry, Jiminie. It's a good thing, right?" He rubs his thumb beneath Jimin's eye and catches the tear before it falls. They lock eyes. "Jungkookie said it's normal. I want to be with you all the time, and sometimes I just want to hug you for hours, and even when we fight, I feel blessed to be by your side." His hand still holds Jimin's face carefully, their noses are just shy of touching, but Taehyung seems not to notice how close they are. "And maybe I'm a bit possessive about you, like you were when I started to hang out with the Hwarang hyungs, but it doesn't have to mean that I'm…" He chokes, not being able to say it. "Does it?" He looks in Jimin's eyes for an answer, and all he finds is so much compassion.
"Oh, Taehyungie…" Jimin says softly, grabbing Taehyung's face too. "Would it be so bad if you were?"
Taehyung's lips wobble, and Jimin is quick to reassure him.
"It doesn't have to mean anything, my love." Jimin caresses Taehyung's cheekbone. "But you have to allow yourself to really think about it."
"But Jungkookie said that he had a platonic crush on you, and that it means that he admires you and wants to be close, and that's what I feel too." Taehyung's frown might be the cutest thing Jimin has ever seen. He presses his thumb in the crease between his eyes and rubs it.
"Yeah, I've talked to Kookie about that. And it's true that he's a bit possessive too, with all of us really," Jimin adds, now tangling his fingers in Taehyung's hair. "But he wasn't sure it was platonic at first. He asked me to kiss him one time, just so he'd know for sure."
Taehyung grunts. "Did you guys kiss?"
Jimin chuckles. "Yeah, but it was so awkward. It felt like kissing a brother to me, and Kookie said it just felt nice, but nothing special like he expected. We understood that we could have physical intimacy without it having to go any further."
"Would it feel like kissing a brother… if you kissed me?" Taehyung asks, averting his eyes.
Jimin holds his breath for a moment, unsure of what to say. But Taehyung has been so honest with him, he only deserves the same back.
"Honestly…" Jimin breathes out loudly. "I don't think so."
Taehyung wets his lips, and Jimin can't help but notice it. He's blatantly staring at his lips now, so when Taehyung looks back at him, he can't hide what's going through his head.
"Would you kiss me if I asked?" Taehyung whispers, voice rough.
"Yeah," Jimin nods, voice faint.
Taehyung's eyes flick to Jimin's mouth. "Kiss me, Jimin-ah," he breathes out.
It's all Jimin needs to hear before closing the gap between their lips.
And it's nothing like Jimin thought a first kiss should be like. There's no time for pecks or soft touching, they just fall straight into frantic kissing, their lips sucking the other's, teeth clashing a few times, then biting, and tongues searching for each other like water in the desert. It isn't a good kiss, not at first, but Jimin's heart was hammering against his ribs in excitement.
Taehyung moves his hands to grab Jimin's waist and nape, pulling him closer like a starved man. Jimin allows his body to be pulled into Taehyung's lap and they fall backwards into the bed, the new position allowing Jimin to take the lead and kiss Taehyung properly. They find the perfect fit, Jimin's bottom lip between Tae's, rhythm slowing down enough for them to actually feel the other.
Jimin's hands have a tight grip on Taehyung's hair, moving his head around as he pleases, changing the angle of their kiss, and controlling Taehyung's eagerness. They barely stop for air, breathing doesn't seem as important. Jimin has wanted this for so long that he can't bring himself to stop, and Taehyung doesn't seem to have a problem with that, judging by the way his arms are wrapped around Jimin's waist so tightly that the boy wouldn't be able to escape if he wanted to.
When Taehyung breaks the kiss to explore the path down Jimin's neck, Jimin realizes they need to stop and talk. It's hard, fuck, it's so hard to stop, but Jimin forces his body up to hover over Taehyung, the boy's mouth chasing after him, only to be held down by a very amused Jimin.
"Tae," Jimin says softly, still a little bit breathless. "How are you feeling?" A part of Jimin is scared of what he might hear, afraid Taehyung will still find a way to reason out that he doesn't feel the same, that somehow this is something friends do.
Taehyung visibly gulps, panic starting to settle into his features. "Chimmy…" his voice is as weak as a whisper.
"Don't overthink it. How are you feeling now?" Jimin urges.
"Kiss me again," Taehyung says quickly.
The request surprises Jimin, but he immediately smiles and leans in again, leaving several small pecks on the boy's lips. Taehyung's eyes remain closed after he stops, expression unreadable even for Jimin.
Then, Taehyung asks, "What does it feel like for you?"
It's a vulnerable moment that feels like it would break if the wrong thing was said, but for the first time, Jimin can see right through Taehyung, and he understands. He knows what if feels like. Once upon a time, it was Jimin facing these feelings, facing the shame, trying to put up a front. And while Jimin had always thought he and Taehyung were so different, in this moment, he can't help but see his old self in the scared boy.
"It feels right," Jimin answers fearlessly. "Feels like coming home."
Taehyung lets out a gasp and his eyes open, looking straight into Jimin's soul. "You want me?" he croaks out.
Jimin kisses his forehead, and he can't help but smile against it. "Always have."
When Jimin pulls away, he sees Taehyung's eyes full of tears, so he brushes his thumb under his eye. "Don't cry, Taehyngie. It's okay." A tear falls, and Jimin wipes it away quickly. "It's okay to want this. I want this."
"Jiminie…" Taehyung licks his lips. "Kiss me again."
Jimin chuckles and holds Taehyung's head with both hands, capturing his lips into a deep, but brief kiss.
When it ends, Taehyung shakes his head. "No." Jimin frowns and opens his mouth to say something, but Taehyung beats him to it. "Don't stop. Ever."
Jimin's face melts completely before he complies. He kisses Taehyung more than he ever kissed before. And in between kisses, he talks, small words, reassurances, "I love you." "Want you so bad, Tae." "So beautiful."
Underneath him, Taehyung is completely pliant. He takes and he gives. It's simple, and it's small, but it's exactly what he had been looking for. All the ugly feelings disappear because Jimin wants him. And in this moment, there's nothing that Taehyung fears more than not being able to feel this anymore.
"Be mine," Taehyung blurts out.
Jimin stops and looks at him, hands petting his cheek. "Are you sure?" His eyes are wide, as if a part of him still expected Taehyung to back out.
But Taehyung nods. "I can't promise I won't be scared or won't fuck up, but I want this. I want you."
Jimin smiles before kissing the tip of Taehyung's nose. "Hmmm, I don't know, maybe it really is platonic," Jimin teases, but then he sees the look of absolute horror in Taehyung's face and takes pity on him. "I'm kidding, Tae. There's nothing platonic about how much I want to wreck you." There's a glint in Jimin's eyes that Taehyung never noticed before, and it feels dangerous. It makes Taehyung's ears burn and he closes his eyes in embarrassment.
"How do we tell this to the others?" he changes subjects.
Jimin takes mercy on him and accepts the diversion. "We can call for a house reunion later, but… more kisses now?" he offers, wiggling his eyebrows.
Taehyung gives him his boxy smile that Jimin missed so much. "Yeah, please."
At the same time in the bangtan household…
"Can I sleep in your room tonight, Jungkookie?" Hoseok asks.
There's no need to elaborate, Jungkook nods. "I wouldn't go near that room for the next twenty-four hours if I were you. I don't know how much pent-up frustration they'll release in one go."
Hoseok cringes. "Honestly, I don't wanna know, I feel like I gave birth to the three of you, I can't deal with this."
"You will have to deal with the fact that we're not kids anymore at some point, hyung," Jungkook points out, but is met with blatant denial.
"Nope, never," Hoseok shakes his head.
"Hyuungg," Jungkook whines.
And so their banter continues.
There's a knock on the door, but whoever it is doesn't wait for an answer before entering. Namjoon looks up from his book to see Yoongi glaring at him.
"What did I do this time?" Namjoon asks, a little sparkle of joy in his eyes.
"Spreading lies as always," Yoongi accuses.
Namjoon chuckles. "I did no such thing."
Yoongi hums. "So you want me to believe you were in love with me at some point in our lives and that I was your 'gay awakening' so to speak," Yoongi says, doing the air quotes.
Namjoon suppresses a smile. "Oh, so Taehyungie really can't keep a secret."
Yoongi huffs. "I knew you said it on purpose to mess with me. Next time, be more creative."
Yoongi walks out the door and forgets to close it. Namjoon watches him go with a little smile in the corner of his lips.
In the living room, the light is out, but there's still light coming from the TV as Seokjin continues on playing Mario Kart. The rest of the house is silent and probably asleep. Suddenly, Seokjin laughs by himself and shakes his head.
Welcome to the club, Taehyungie.