Chapter Text
What if there were only one choice and all the others were wrong?
The thought rattled around in Dana Scully’s sleep addled brain as she slowly regained consciousness. It was the last thing she remembered from her and Mulder’s earlier conversation and she wished she hadn’t drifted off. There were things she wanted to tell him. Her life may not have changed in one day, but her perspective on it certainly had.
For the first time, she had no doubts when it came to Mulder. He was her only choice. And there had been signs along the way. Sometimes it felt like every day of their lives was a sign. They had always been close. Since their first case together, they had formed some sort of attachment that defied explanation. They were just Mulder and Scully. Partners. Best Friends. Undeniable sexual tension, but for the time being, purely platonic. Always the hope that maybe someday they would be something more.
But things had been different between them lately. Someday was now.
For her, things started to become clearer with the Padgett incident. Of course the whole thing was terribly embarrassing, but his words rung true. Agent Scully is already in love. She wasn’t even surprised when she heard the words aloud. Of course she was in love. She realized in that moment that she had always loved Mulder. It was a love that evolved over time. What started as love due to initial attraction and infatuation had grown to a love rooted in trusted friendship. It was a love of support and partnership. A partnership that went way beyond work colleagues. Their love was in having each other’s back, in honesty and truth, in laughing together and crying together, and in being there for each other.
Scully smiled at the thought as she snuggled closer into the blanket that Mulder had wrapped so lovingly around her. She was in love with Mulder and she knew that he felt the same. Although he never told her, she knew. One fault of their relationship was verbal communication, but he showed her in so many ways.
She thought of their excursion to the baseball field, another major step in leading them to this moment. Scully remembered how loved she felt with his arms wrapped around her in the guise of playing baseball. She remembered how it felt to have his body pressed so tightly against her own. She had wanted to stay in that moment forever. If she was honest with herself, she had thought that things might have gone further that night, but in the end he had only bought her a milk shake and they parted ways.
And then she had almost lost him. She thought that she was going to lose him. But instead she got a faith rocking trip to Africa and an awkward hallway conversation. No, the conversation wasn’t awkward, the conversation was painful and beautiful and heartfelt and illuminating; her reaction to the conversation was what was awkward. She had felt lost, but Mulder’s words were exactly what she needed to hear to calm her anxieties. He held her face and poured his heart out to her. He was basically telling her that she was his world and all she could do was run. She had grazed her thumbs over his lips and she wanted to kiss him. She should have kissed him but she was afraid. She loved him so much and it was terrifying.
Luckily, it didn’t take long for him to make the move that she had been so afraid to make. They had kissed each other’s faces countless times, but New Year’s Day 2000 was the first time that she had felt his lips on hers. It was unexpected and chaste, but neither made the move to end it too soon. When it finally ended, he remarked that the world didn’t end and she truly felt that he was right; it wasn’t the end, it was the beginning. They walked out with his arm around her, she drove him home, and that was it, but she knew that something had changed that night. She felt it in the electricity of their kiss. They were no longer in stasis; they were finally on their way somewhere.
It wasn’t long after this revelation that the moment came that could make them or break them. Asking Mulder to be her sperm donor was one of the most frightening moments of her life. There were so many ramifications of him saying yes or no. Either option would irrevocably change their relationship. Him saying yes made her love him even more, but also left her with so many questions. Did he want to be just a donor or a father? Would they be a family or parent separately? Once again their lack of communication was rearing its ugly head, but in the end it didn’t matter. She had one shot at the in-vitro and it didn’t work. They wouldn’t have a child together and that was that. She had tried to hold it together. She had tried to be strong, but in the end she just collapsed into his embrace.
He held her. He kissed her forehead. He spoke of miracles. She wanted to kiss him in that moment. She almost did, but in the end her grief subverted her and her lips landed instead on his cheek before she was back in the safety of his arms. They held each other for a long time, with Scully never truly knowing that he shared her grief. How it was his loss as well. She didn’t know how he dreamed of having a family with her. He decided not to tell her. He didn’t want to worsen her grief. Instead Mulder remained silent and settled her on the couch while he went to make her some tea.
Scully’s tears ended but numbness took their place and she fell back into her old habit of closing herself off. She told Mulder to go, told him she was fine, but to her relief he saw right through her and refused to leave, instead settling down on the couch with her and pulling her close. Scully gave in and laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and drawing comfort from him. Eventually he began to lie down on the couch, pulling her with him. She tried to protest, but he would not hear it. She laid down with him, her back to his front and sighed softly when his arm wrapped protectively around her waist. They were both emotionally exhausted and it didn’t take long for them each to fall into a deep sleep. When Scully woke, it was morning and she was still in Mulder’s arms. It was the first time they slept together.
The next time they slept together it was in Mulder’s bed. The loss of his mother hit him hard and she had refused to leave him that night. It killed her to see him in such pain and she didn’t know what to do to help him. All she could do was hold him when he cried, try to calm him when his paranoid rants got the best of him, and patiently watch as he paced the apartment. After hours, she finally convinced him to go to bed. Once he laid down she pulled the covers over his body before reaching up to stroke her fingers through his hair reassuringly. Scully was about to turn to leave when he reached his hand out for her. The look in his eyes told her that he needed her and she couldn’t deny him. Crossing to the other side of the bed, she climbed under the covers with him. He immediately reached for her and she scooted closer, wrapping her arm around him and holding him as tightly as he was holding her. He nuzzled his face into her neck and she felt his tears on her skin. She kissed his temple and squeezed him tighter, wishing she could take away his pain.
In the aftermath of the death of his mother and the revelation about his sister, Scully was afraid that Mulder would withdraw, lost in his grief, but on the contrary, he was lighter, freer. He finally had some semblance of closure to his life’s mysteries and Scully wondered if that might be the push they needed to finally be together.
These had all been the big moments that had led Scully to her revelation, but there had also been so many small ones along the way. Mulder had begun insisting on weekly movie nights, but most nights the movie was ignored in favor of talking, teasing, and flirting. The flirting had really been out of control lately. She liked to believe that Mulder was always the instigator but then she remembered her tendency to play with his tie as of late. The gazing was also out of control. In the past she had often felt his eyes on her for extended periods of time, and she knew that she was guilty of the same crime, but lately it seemed to happen all the time! And not just when she was looking away. The ogling was also becoming a thing. He definitely seemed to be checking her out more often, not even trying to hide it when she caught him staring at her breasts or legs or butt. Maybe he was checking her out more because she had taken to wearing lower cut blouses and slightly shorter skirts. Or maybe she was wearing those things because he was checking her out more. Either way, she couldn’t deny that it sent a thrill down her spine when she saw him watching her.
She shook her head with a smile just thinking about Mulder and events that had led them here. Of course they weren’t all good. She knew that she hurt him when she went off with the Smoking Man, and it hurt her that he couldn’t understand why she did it. She also knew that she’d been impatient with him at work lately, culminating in him going to England without her. But being with him tonight, talking about fate and destiny side by side on his couch, Scully knew that any hard feelings were behind them. She knew that she was where she was supposed to be. She knew that he was her choice. And she knew that she wanted him: heart, body, and soul.
They had both been waiting for the other to make the move that would finally set them down that path, and Scully decided then and there that she was tired of waiting for him to do it. She felt a surge of courage, and desire, as she stood from the couch to face his bedroom door. It was pulled ajar, not shut, as if he left it as an invitation to her.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Although she knew without a doubt that he would not reject her, Scully felt her stomach bubble with nervousness. This would be the moment that would change their relationship for good.
She took one more deep breath and opened the door.