Chapter Text
When Hanbin slipped a hand down between their bodies to touch himself, fingers curling hesitantly around the base of his heavy cock, Hao slapped him. The impact bit sharply into his left cheek, knocking the budding tears free from his eyes. Stubbornly, he didn't let go, trying fruitlessly to ease the ache just by holding himself, and eventually Hao reached down to pry his hand free.
"It hurts," Hanbin protested. His voice was wet, hoarse. Pathetic. Thick with more tears as they spilled down his cheeks.
Hao's grip tightened on his wrist. The vibrator buzzed unforgivingly inside him.
"It hurts?" Hao asked, pitying. Hanbin nodded. "Good. It's supposed to."
Hanbin sobbed, writhing beneath him. Hao squeezed his thighs tight around Hanbin's until he went still, limp, strings cut.
"Hao," he hiccuped. "Hao-hyung, Hao—!"
"So messy." Hao said, letting go of Hanbin's hand to tap the sticky tip of his cock, digging his nail meanly into the slit. A string of precum connected it to the pad of his finger when he pulled it away. His scent curled around Hanbin, sweet and alluring, leading him to his doom.
Hanbin went willingly. He wanted what Hao wanted. And what Hao wanted—
"Don't touch," Hao warned him softly. "Or I'll have to tie you up. Just be good and take it, Binnie."
Hanbin's face was wet. His mouth was wet. Everything was wet, sticky, sweet, the inside of a venus fly trap. He inhaled shakily and nodded and nodded and nodded. His hands twitched on the mattress, fingers curling into the sheets. A dull throb of an ache pulsed through his body from his groin to his toes and he groaned when Hao upped the vibrations of the plug.
"A good omega doesn't need his little cock touched to be able to cum," Hao murmured. And that—it didn't sound right. There were so many reasons it didn't sound right, but Hanbin forgot them all and nodded anyway, thoughtless and desperate, chin wet with drool. He blinked more tears free, and Hao leaned down to wipe them away. "Isn't that right, Hanbinnie? You can cum just from your hole being used. I'm giving you permission. If you can cum in the next ten seconds, just from this, then I'll allow it. If you can't…"
He shrugged, thumbs digging into Hanbin's cheeks.
"If you can't, then that's too bad." He sat back on Hanbin's thighs again, finding the little remote from where it's been discarded on the mattress, and started playing with the vibrations, up then down, up, up, down again, until Hanbin was well and truly sobbing, a mess of tears and spit and god knows what else. "I'll start the countdown now."
It was hopeless. Hanbin gave up before it even started, tears streaming hotly down his face as Hao voiced a soft "Ten."
His cock gave a pathetic twitch, bobbing against his soft stomach, red and swollen and painful when he looked down at it through his tears.
"Nine."
"I can't," Hanbin cried. He knew he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to.
"Giving up already?" Hao asked. "Come on, Hanbinnie. At least try. Eight."
Hanbin squirmed beneath him like a worm. He tried to shift the vibrator inside, get that steady buzz pressing firmer against his prostate, helplessly tried to get some friction on his untouched cock, brought his hands to his chest in hopes that stimulating his nipples would bring him closer to the edge—to no avail.
"Seven."
He couldn't. Hao laughed at him, soft and mean and—and—
"Six. Come on. You're my good little omega, aren't you?"
Yes, no—yes? Hanbin didn't know. He didn't know. He was—no, he was an alpha. He was.
"Hao." His voice wavered and cracked. "I—I don't. I don't think. I—."
"That's right, you don't think. You don't need to. I'll do the thinking for you, I promise. You just stay like this, nice and drooly and dumb for me. All wet and ready for me to claim you. Five more seconds, baby. If you want to cum, you'd better do it now."
But he couldn't. It wasn't enough like this, no matter how Hanbin tried to focus on the wash of pleasure the vibrator gave him, that full feeling, all things he liked and wanted but just weren't enough.
"Four."
"I can't," he said again, choking back more sobs. Panic ballooned in his chest. This was his one chance. He hadn't cum in weeks, if he didn't do it now it might never happen. "Please—touch me, please touch me, hyung, I wanna cum—."
"No," Hao said. "Three."
"Two."
"One."
The vibrator clicked off. The strange stillness where Hanbin had come to expect brain-numbing pleasure was devastating.
"No," he choked, hand snapping down to close around his cock, to push himself over the edge—Hao slapped it away again. "No, please, I want—I want to. I want to. I wanna—hyung."
"You're not very good at this omega thing, Hanbinnie." Hao bent down until Hanbin's cock was trapped between them, and Hanbin could just take what he wanted, could rut up against Hao's abs until he came that way, but he didn't dare. Hao rubbed their noses together, licked a stripe up Hanbin's tear-streaked cheek and said, "You're still thinking with your knot after all my hard work to train you."
"No," Hanbin protested, sniffling weakly. He leaned into Hao's palm when it cupped his face, eager for his touch.
"Yes," Hao said. "You are."
Pulling away, he added, "Maybe you're not ready to be my omega yet."
Irrational fear yanked at Hanbin's chest like a fishing line pulled taut. The thought of disappointing Hao was worse than a thousand denied orgasms.
"I am," he insisted, fresh tears welling up. "Promise I am. I'm ready, I am."
"Then say it," Hao said. His thumbs caught the tears as they fell, wiping them tenderly away. "Say what you are."
Hanbin was what Hao wanted him to be.
"I'm—," Deliriously, he wondered how it ever got this far. The shame and humiliation and undeniable wrongness was secondary to the way his cock twitched again at the thought of what he was about to say. His overactive salivary glands were filling his mouth with spit, queasy, the way they did when Hanbin was about to be sick, but the twist of his stomach was more desire than nausea. "M'your omega."
"That's right," Hao said. His tender touch traced the red mark on Hanbin's cheek where he'd slapped him earlier. "You're my omega. You're not actually an alpha at all, are you, Bin-ah? Something went wrong with your presentation, that's all. It's okay. I know what you really are. I see you."
Hanbin couldn't bring himself to reply beyond nodding and shaking his head to each of Hao's statements in turn. The words were just so dizzying. So condescending, delivered in Hao's soft voice. Shame twisted his stomach into knots. He whimpered.
"It's okay," Hao said again, leaning down to press their foreheads together. "No one else knows, but I do. Deep down you were always meant to be an omega. You were always meant to be like me."
Hanbin nodded. It felt like sweet poison fed down his throat with a little dropper. Hao hooked his claws into him and didn't let go, and Hanbin—
Hanbin let him.
.🍒•.
Once upon a time, Hanbin really was an alpha. He knew he was, but he couldn't remember what it was that made him so certain.
Now, even with the unrepentant heat of rut licking at his stomach and scorching his bones, he wasn't sure… what he was. Ruts were uniquely alpha, which was something Hanbin… wasn't. Not anymore. But he didn't have heats. He didn't have slick or a womb to carry pups in—just this powerful ache at the base of his cock as it desperately attempted to harden in its cage.
He needed—he needed Hao. Hao would know what to do. Hao would know how to help. He'd make Hanbin's fever go away, he'd wipe his sweaty brow and tell him he was sick—something, anything to do away with this swirling confusion and wrongness that gripped Hanbin so tightly.
He stumbled his way to Hao's study, blanket wound around him despite how hot it was. The polished floorboards were cool beneath the bare soles of his feet.
"Hao?" He called, voice pitched into a pained whine. The ache intensified, burrowing deeper into the core of him. Tears welled up along Hanbin's lashline. "H-Hao?"
The study door creaked open. Hao stood there, taking in Hanbin's pitiable state, his nostrils flaring for just a moment before he softened, making a little cooing sound in his throat.
"Oh, Hanbinnie," he said, and Hanbin's face crumpled, tears stinging his eyes. "Your heat came early."
That—it was wrong. Hanbin shook his head, dislodging the tears. They fell down his cheeks in sticky trails.
"It—it hurts." He wobbled closer to Hao and let the blanket slip from his shoulders so he could wrap his arms around him, taking one of Hao's hands in his and guiding it between his legs. "It—here, it hurts here, it—"
Hao's hand cupped him over his shorts, found the shape of the cage and caressed it gently. Hanbin trembled, face pressing into his neck. His hand squeezed Hao's waist as he breathed in shivering lungfuls of Hao's scent.
"Because you're in heat, Bin-ah," Hao told him, like Hanbin was stupid and just couldn't understand. And Hanbin couldn't understand, so maybe Hao was right to talk to him that way. Like he was a dumb, pathetic little thing who didn't know any better, who didn't understand his own biology. "Of course it hurts. You feel so empty, don't you?"
Hanbin began to shake his head in refusal, but when he thought about it—he did feel empty. Hao kept him regularly filled, a plug or a toy in his ass when Hao's dick wasn't inside him. There was a distinct lack of it now, and so Hanbin nodded instead, his nose digging into Hao's scent gland, inhaling more of his mouthwatering sour cherry scent.
"Please," he begged, licking his lip to catch the drool before it could drip onto Hao's skin. Sweat stuck his shirt to his collarbone, itchy, unbearable, and fire pushed through Hanbin's veins until he whined again. "Please—help me. Help me, it hurts, I want—help."
"Okay," Hao reached up to guide Hanbin's face away from his neck. "I'll help you out. Let's go back to bed, omega."
He let Hao lead him, dazed, back to their bedroom, let Hao push him onto the bed and rearrange his sprawling limbs into something presentable. The scent of sour cherry made his gums itch, his salivary glands in overdrive, an ache building in the very roots of his teeth.
"Please," Hanbin said again, small and pitiful. The room was blurred, and so was Hao when he clambered over Hanbin's body to tug off his shirt and shorts. "Off. Take it—off, please, Hao-hyung, it hurts."
"Aw," Hao said. So, so soft. So kind. Merciful, maybe. Hanbin blinked dewy eyes up at him, hopeful. "Hanbinnie wants me to let him out of his cage?"
Was there a right answer? Hanbin wanted it. He wanted it so badly, the burning ache inside him blazing hotter the longer he stayed trapped. His chin jerked in a trembling, eager nod.
"Please," he whispered, wet eyelashes fluttering, drool-slick lips parting around a pained gasp. "It hurts, hyung."
Hao hummed, the sound of it loud, reverbating around the room and penetrating deep into Hanbin's skull, the hidden recesses of his brain responding to it like a touch-starved pet. The little silver key to Hanbin's cage dangled from Hao's neck as he loomed over him.
"I guess if I didn't, it might be inhumane." Hao sounded vaguely amused. The key swung a little, light glinting off of it, the motion tantalizing, and Hanbin's breath hitched, hope welling in his chest until it could burst, overfull. "Okay, Hanbin-ah. I'll unlock you, don't worry."
"Thank you, thank you," Hanbin whimpered as Hao lifted the thin chain over his head, pinching the little key between his fingers and wrapping his other hand around the base of Hanbin's cock, lifting it. Hanbin's head spun, back arching in a pathetic attempt at hurrying the process along. "Thank you, hyung, thank you—"
"So polite," Hao said approvingly, and Hanbin's his tongue swelled up at the smell of slick that filled the air, tart and sweet, forbidden fruit that Hao wouldn't let him taste. The cage came apart slowly, Hao gently disassembling it until Hanbin's cock was free to rest on his belly, and the immediate rush of blood to fill it only made Hanbin dizzier. "Are you hoping I'll reward you, Hanbinnie? Is that why you're being so well-behaved?"
"Please, please." God, he hoped Hao would touch him. It had been so, so long that it didn't make sense for Hanbin to hope anymore, but something about today made it impossible not to. "Hyung."
"And undo all my hard work?" Hao tsked at him. "I don't know, baby. Let's just focus on your heat for now."
Heat. His—his heat. Hanbin's heat. But it didn't feel like one. Hanbin whimpered, thoughts muddled, disoriented.
Hao was two fingers deep inside him before the ache worsened again. Hanbin's hips twitched. He whimpered, frantically trying to get contact, but his hands stayed obediently tangled in the sheets.
"Don't touch," Hao reminded him.
Hanbin wanted to cry. Hao added a third finger, pressing them up against Hanbin's prostate to hold them there firmly, the motion of Hanbin's hips working against his best interests, little jolts of oversensitivity frying his nerves.
The need to touch himself was so strong he didn't know what to do with it. Frantically, Hanbin gripped onto his own hair to stave off the urge, choking back another sob as Hao stretched him open perfunctorily before he pulled out and left Hanbin empty again. It was an awful, hollow feeling that made the waterworks start up again, the tell-tale, low sounds of crying bubbling up in Hanbin's throat before he could stop them.
"I know," Hao said. "Omega just wants to be full, hm?"
Then he gripped himself by the root, slipping inside—Hao had always been well-endowed for an omega, but then they had that in common. Or—did they? If Hanbin was an omega, if this was a heat like Hao said, then that must have been the case. But Hao liked to call him little with no regard to Hanbin's actual size, so maybe that was the right thing. Either way, Hanbin's toes curled from the stretch. He reached up to cling onto Hao's shoulders, breathy sobs pulled from his chest, aching.
The slit of his cock oozed more precum onto his belly, throbbing painfully.
"T-touch me?" Hanbin whimpered. "Please? M-my…"
"I'm being nice by letting you out, Binnie," Hao warned him gently. "Don't push it, okay?"
"S-sorry." Hanbin nodded drunkenly. "Okay, sorry."
Hao's expression turned fond, endeared by his messy display.
"It's alright," he said, and Hanbin very suddenly remembered what drew him to Hao in the first place. That soft-spoken purity and kind face, his warm heart. To be on the receiving end of these things was paradise eternal. When offered the choice, he couldn't turn it down. "I understand. But touching your little cock won't actually do anything, Hanbin-ah. What you need is to be bred."
Hanbin's face scrunched in an effort to understand, but his internal temperatures were cooking his brain. His logic was torn apart before he could even begin to string it together.
"I can't help you exactly the way you need," Hao said, sitting still and heavy inside him. "Hanbinnie needs an alpha if he really wants to get knocked up. But I can help like this."
His hips shifted. The drag of him inside lit something up in Hanbin's brain, pulling a high whimper out of his throat, more hot tears welling up. Hao worked up to a gentle rhythm of fucking him, his hands on Hanbin's hips, holding him steady as he drove into him. If Hanbin ignored the burn in his lower belly, the painful ache at the base of his swollen dick, the fever and nausea and overpowering confusion, it almost felt like Hao was making love to him, like Hanbin was really what he wanted, a tender and meek little omega held in Hao's palm, a mouse caught by its tail beneath a cat's paw.
He lost his senses. He lost track of time. His eyes rolled back and his mouth fell open, a frothy little line of spit dripping from the corner of his lips and dribbling down his chin. He wanted, and he wanted, and he wanted. He wanted to cum. He wanted to—
Hao kissed him, maddening softness against Hanbin's mouth, controlling him, guiding him. He came without realizing, without feeling anything more than Hao pressed deep inside him, reshaping him, and a wet splatter of something between their bodies. There was no relief. Hanbin sobbed into the kiss, his back arching again, squirming until Hao had to grip him harder, to pin him down and hold him still.
"Oh, there you go," Hao breathed, awe saturating his voice. "I knew you could do it."
Hanbin groaned, rough and broken. Fresh tears beaded at the corners of his eyes, devastated at the hollow release, the still-raging heat inside, how little satisfaction there was to be found in an orgasm he'd craved for so long.
"Hao," he hiccuped, arms wrapping around the back of Hao's neck. "Help. Help me, I need—."
Hao pulled out.
"Turn over for me, baby."
Hanbin untangled his arms from Hao's neck and weakly flopped over onto his stomach, sniffling. The pressure of his cock pressed between his belly and the mattress ripped another tearful groan from him. Hanbin couldn't help but rut desperately against it, dragging the leaking head of his dick against the sheets, back and forth, seeking delicious friction until Hao tsked quietly and urged him into lifting his hips, getting Hanbin's knees beneath him.
"None of that," he said softly. "Just let me take care of you."
Hanbin wanted that. He needed that.
"Please," he said. Hao had turned him into a broken record. There was nothing in his head but dandelion fluff and the need to cum. He could be Hao's good little omega if it meant he'd get to cum again, no matter how unsatisfying the orgasm would be. It was better than being caged like an animal. It was better when Hao trusted him to be good and let him out even if he kept Hanbin on a tight leash the entire time. "Please, hyung. Want you to. To t-take care of me. I'll be good, I promise, please—want to cum."
"And you will." Hao eased back into him. Hanbin buried his face in the pillows to hide the tears on his face. "You will. You can cum as much as you want. I'll keep you full like you need, omega."
Hanbin nodded sloppily into the pillows, panting.
"Full," he mewled, clenching down around Hao. It was satisfying in a way he wouldn't have known if it weren't for Hao teaching him.
"That's right," Hao purred. "You're so sweet, Hanbinnie. Perfect little omega just for me."
He fucked Hanbin again, strong, powerful thrusts that pressed Hanbin down into the mattress, Hao's weight draped over his back and his sharp teeth nipping at Hanbin's neck. The ache wasn't so bad like this, when Hao was inside him and making him forget. The tears didn't sting so badly, the sobs cracking Hanbin's chest open didn't hurt. He was Hao's omega and everything that was happening was happening because it was meant to.
It felt better when he reminded himself that. It felt better when he couldn't think about it at all.
Hanbin felt—Oh, God. Oh no.
"Hao," he cried, clawing at the bed. "I'm—I need—your hand, please, I—I-I'm gonna—!"
"You're allowed to cum as many times as you want today, remember?" Hao asked. But that wasn't what Hanbin was worried about.
"Knot," he choked out, sniveling and sobbing.
"I can't give you a knot," Hao cooed. "I don't have one. I know you're needy, but you'll just have to settle for my cock."
"No, my—I'm—." He couldn't think. How could he speak when he couldn't think? How could he tell Hao what he meant, make him keenly aware of the fact that Hanbin was going to knot and desperately needed something around it, fear swelling like a balloon in his chest at how badly it might hurt if he didn't get it. "Knot," he sobbed again. His knees slid further apart on the sheets. "Please, please, hyung."
"No," Hao murmured next to the shell of his ear, hot and wet, a confirmation that he knew, he knew what Hanbin meant and he didn't care. His cock shoved deep enough that Hanbin's eyes rolled back, his body convulsing where Hao had him pinned. A tiny little fly wrapped in silk, caught and kept right in the center of Hao's web, where he wanted him. "You don't need it, Hanbinnie. You don't want it. You just want to be full."
Hanbin's breath quickened. A broken sob forced its way up from his chest, and he tugged at the sheets until they came undone from the corners of the mattress.
"Please," he begged again. "Please? 'Sgonna hurt. Gonna hurt, hyung."
"Shh," Hao said.
"Don't want it to hurt," Hanbin babbled. "Don't want—no—Hao, I'm cu—"
When he came, it felt wrong. No friction to guide him over the edge, just a sharp, hollow plummet tinged with a dull ache when his knot swelled with nothing to lock into. Hanbin groaned brokenly, and it turned into panicked gasping the longer it lasted, dribbles of cum making a mess of the sheets. The burn in his loins didn't let up in the slightest. He was so hard still, throbbing, aching, convulsing as his body tried to do what it was made for and failed.
But even that was wrong. Confusion rolled through every inch of him alongside the pain and hollow echoes of pleasure. He wasn't supposed to knot. Hao didn't want him to, but he'd gone and done it anyway, and he didn't know—Hanbin didn't know how to explain it. Something must have been wrong.
Hao was so convinced he was an omega, that he was meant to be Hao's omega, but omegas didn't knot. They didn't have ruts like Hanbin was having now. And instead of feeling angry, or indignant, or coming to some conclusion that he'd been tricked or lied to—Hanbin was just ashamed.
"Sorry." He sniffled, rubbing his wet face into the sheets, tears and snot and drool making even more of a mess. "I‐I'm sorry, sorry, I'm not—something's wrong w-with me. I'm not good. So—hnf—so sorry, hyung. Didn't mean to."
"Oh, Hanbinnie," Hao cooed, hips slowing as he smoothed a gentle hand over Hanbin's quivering stomach. "It's okay. I know you can't help it. It's not your fault."
He kissed the nape of Hanbin's neck, then took it between his teeth to nibble the skin, cooing again when Hanbin shivered.
"You're still a good omega for me," Hao murmured.
The praise sank into Hanbin's guts, hot and cloying and sick. He nodded into the sheets and tried to believe it. Hao thought he was good. Hao thought he was good enough to keep. Hao wouldn't leave him. He'd help Hanbin through this strange heat and stay with him after, too.
It was okay. It hurt, but he was okay. Hanbin was meant for this.
.🍒•.
"I only like omegas, though," Hao had told him, the fateful day Hanbin gathered his courage to confess.
They'd known each other a while at that point, classmates, friends of each other's friends. Hanbin knew Hao was pretty, that he was kind, and that he was an international student enrolled in SNU's Department of Psychology. It wasn't a lot to go off of, which meant all Hanbin had done was voice his feelings and ask for the chance to get to know Hao better.
"Oh," he said, stunned. Blinking quickly to clear his head, he tried for a smile. "That's okay. Sorry to bother you, then."
Hao leaned back in his chair. The library was hushed and still enough around them that it felt like the bookshelves had ears, leaning in to catch the next words that fell from Hao's lips. He was magnetic like that. Everything and everyone was drawn to his orbit, and Hanbin was no exception.
"I'm not bothered," Hao said. "Just letting you know I'm not into alphas like that."
Heat rose to Hanbin's face. It was bad enough hearing it the first time, but now he'd been rejected twice in one day by the same person.
"Okay," he mumbled, embarrassed. He looked down at the table between them so he wouldn't be forced to see the judgment written on Hao's face, though there likely was none. Hao was sweet. He rarely ever spoke above the soft tone he was using with Hanbin now. His face was always open, kind and gentle. It was less likely that Hao was judging him than it was that Hanbin was just embarrassed at misreading the situation. "Sorry. Uh—I mean, thanks for letting me know. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."
"You didn't." When Hanbin looked up, Hao was watching him with a strange glint in his eye. "You know… you could almost pass for an omega, Hanbin-ah. You're pretty enough for it."
Hanbin's cheeks flamed.
"Th-thank you?" He stammered. No one had ever used the word pretty to describe him before. He was much more accustomed to terms like 'handsome' or 'hot'. "I think. That's a compliment, right?"
"Of course it is." Hao smiled and it was radiant. "You almost smell like one, too. What is that? Cherry blossom?"
Hanbin's mouth opened and closed, fishlike, but no sound emerged.
"Um," he managed finally. "I think, yeah. Is that—is it typically an omega scent?"
He'd never heard of that. To Hanbin's knowledge, anyone could smell like anything. Maybe he'd gotten a few strange looks over the years when people smelled him, but he'd never thought it was tied to subgender expectations. Was it?
Did Hanbin smell like an omega?
"Kind of, yeah," Hao replied. "I don't mean anything by it, Hanbin-ah. Just that you smell nice."
"Oh." Hanbin was flustered again. He felt small and shy in the face of Hao's flattery. Rejection or not, this was still someone he was attracted to, and he was feeling the full effects of being complimented by a pretty omega even if that omega would never be interested in him. "Thank you."
"I'm not into alphas, but we could be friends, if you'd like." Hao leaned back in, elbows on his textbook, blinking pretty bambi eyes in Hanbin's direction. "Hanbinnie is cute. I wouldn't mind getting to know you."
"Okay," Hanbin said softly, eagerly. His fingertips tingled when Hao passed him his phone and their skin brushed. He put in his contact information and saved it under 'Hanbin from STAT 1000', their only shared class and one Hanbin was retaking. Hao laughed when he saw it, and it sounded like heaven.
"I'll see you around, Hanbin," Hao said.
Hanbin took the dismissal for what it was and stumbled over a goodbye. As he left the library, he forgot what he had even been there for in the first place. Who needed studying, anyway? Who needed to pass Introduction to Statistics? He was too busy riding the high of talking to a pretty boy to care.
Hao was a good friend to have. He was very accommodating to all of Hanbin's oddities and little hangups. Things Hanbin had once seen as flaws, or just traits that made him a little bit weirder than most alphas, Hao made a habit of praising him for.
"That's not weird, Hanbin-ah," he said softly, when he saw the mess of Hanbin's bed, blankets and pillows strewn around to create a strange oval shape, because—I just like it better that way. "It's your nest. I think that's cute, even if it's messy. I've never met an alpha who nested before."
Hao did that a lot. He made a lot of comparisons between Hanbin and omegas in general. It made Hanbin's stomach twist strangely, but at the same time it made him feel special, like he was being handed a sweet treat, just a crumb of something bigger that dangled just out of reach. If Hao liked omegas, and Hanbin was like an omega to him… that meant there was a chance, right?
Was there a chance that the warmth in Hao's gaze was turning more than friendly? Was he falling into the same pitfall that Hanbin was, growing more and more attached by the day?
"What do you think?" Hao asked, one hand tugging lightly at the quilted blanket tucked into the edge of the mess. "Can I come into your nest, Hanbinnie?"
"Uhmmm." Hanbin's brain went blank. He forgot how to speak. Frantically, he tried to run through his roommate's schedule for the day, but he found he couldn't remember a single thing about him. As far as Hanbin was concerned, he had never shared this room at all. "Sure, yeah, okay. You're okay with that?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Hao's eyelashes fluttered innocently, the peachy gloss on his lips catching a stray curled hair that he swiped away with ease. It fell in a soft, natural wave with the rest of Hao's red-brown locks. "We're friends, aren't we?"
They were. They were friends now, and it didn't even matter that Hanbin was missing days' worth of assignments because he was spending all his time with Hao. It didn't matter because Hao thought this was cute. He thought Hanbin's attention was flattering, even if he couldn't reciprocate. He thought the way Hanbin blushed and lost his train of thought resembled a shy omega. He wanted to climb into Hanbin's nest with him and just lie there together.
It was like telling Hanbin about the existence of a fruit that could gift him endless knowledge and expecting him not to eat.
"Yeah, we're—" Hanbin swallowed harshly. "We're friends. Yeah. You can come in, Hao."
It was weird. It was weird, having someone in his bed with him while it was this messy. Usually, Hanbin had time to tug it apart and rearrange it into something normal before he had someone over. But Hao had shown up out of the blue, with no justification. Hanbin had let him in anyway.
It was weirder that Hao had tugged their bodies together, pressed himself close along the length of Hanbin's back with an arm snug around his waist, hand splayed out beneath Hanbin's shirt over his belly. Hanbin was convinced that if Hao moved it just a little higher, he'd feel the jack-rabbitting rhythm of Hanbin's traitorous heart. This was weird. It was weird, right?
Hao's thumb brushed just beneath his navel, and when Hanbin shivered, he laughed again, soft and warm air blown against the nape of Hanbin's neck. It tickled, but Hanbin didn't move. He didn't dare, too afraid that it would dislodge Hao from him somehow, or scare him away.
"You smell so nice," Hao said, and Hanbin swore he could feel the shape of every word against his neck. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep his breathing even, tried desperately not to be turned on by the gentle circles Hao was rubbing against his stomach. He was better than that. Hanbin wasn't like all those knothead alphas, he was—"Just like an omega, Hanbinnie. So sweet."
Did friends do this? Hao's mouth was so close to his neck that the skin was wet from the humidity of his breath. It was driving Hanbin's brain haywire, unable to tell up from down. He clenched his jaw so tightly it creaked beneath the pressure and stopped breathing entirely.
"That's a compliment, by the way," Hao said. "In case you still weren't sure."
"Thank you," Hanbin gasped out, and then buried his face in his hands as his face burned red-hot with mortification. This was—weird or not, this was pathetic. Hanbin was weird for being so horrendously affected by an omega who had no interest in him.
But he couldn't stop. If Hao asked something of him, he gave it willingly. If Hao needed him somewhere, Hanbin dropped everything to get there. He gave up on statistics and became whatever Hao needed, whatever Hao wanted. If Hao threw a ball and asked Hanbin to fetch, he probably would.
And then Hao said something.
He probably didn't mean anything by it. He was probably just trying to be helpful—had picked up on Hanbin's insecurities and was trying to be a good friend, offer an explanation for things Hanbin couldn't understand.
"Have you ever wondered if you are an omega?" Hao asked him, not even looking up from where he was going over notes from a lecture Hanbin hadn't paid an ounce of attention to. Something about random variables and distributions. He didn't know. He didn't care, because what was that supposed to mean? "You know, on the inside."
"What?" He didn't mean to sound so shocked, but he was. Hanbin was appalled. No, he was—Hanbin was an alpha through and through. He knew that. Who cared if he wasn't athletic, if he preferred staying in to going out and fucking around, if he liked it when Hao crawled into his nest and acted as the big spoon while doing everything short of fondling him? He was still… Hanbin was still an alpha. "I—no, what? I'm… No."
Hao's eyebrows lifted. He finally raised his face to look at something other than his notes—something Hanbin probably should have been looking at himself, but he was occupied with the beauty mark beneath Hao's eye.
"Why do you sound offended?" He murmured. "It's not an insult. I'm just curious if you've ever considered it."
"Is that—" God, he was about to sound so ignorant. Hanbin cringed as he asked, "Is that even a thing?"
Luckily, Hao didn't take his discomfort as something malicious.
"Sure it is," he said. "Lots of people feel that way. That something went wrong with their presentation. That they should have been something else."
But Hanbin had never felt that way. Beyond a small insecurity here and there, he was comfortable in his skin. He was used to all the little alpha-isms that had come along with his presentation. The ruts, his own brand of territorialism, the guard dog need to keep a watchful eye over his friends. He'd never questioned it, but here Hao was, telling him that maybe he should.
"You—you think that's me?" Hanbin asked quietly.
Hao shrugged.
"I can't know that for you," he said. "I can't feel your feelings."
"But do I remind you of them?" He cringed again. "Those people."
Hao gave him his full attention, setting his laptop aside.
"Well, there's the nesting," he said. "And the scent. And the caretaking. And—"
Just like that, he began rattling off all the things he'd noticed about Hanbin that were un-alpha. Hanbin had a maternal presence, especially around children. His evidence was the way Hanbin had cooed over the picture of one of his younger cousins that his mother texted him a week prior.
Hanbin was, in a way other alphas failed to be according to Hao, soft. It wasn't an insult, Hao reminded him. Hanbin was just prettier than other alphas, sweeter. He wasn't a brute, even if he lacked tact. Hao called his clumsiness cute as they went over this point, and Hanbin forgot to protest that not all alphas had to be bullies as a result.
Hanbin kept all the gifts Hao had been buying him and added them to his nest. Soft, fuzzy blankets, cherry-scented hoodies, star-shaped pillows that somehow worked wonders for structural integrity. He had almost an innate sense for nesting, Hao said. It wasn't learned. It was part of him. Something deep inside Hanbin just knew what to do—and when Hanbin said maybe it was the part that watched his mother build nests when he was little, Hao just shook his head and told him it was too impressive a skill to be picked up secondhand.
Hanbin was tall, but not in an imposing way, and besides, Hao was tall too. Hanbin made himself smaller to fit into hugs. He curled up into a ball to make more room for Hao in his nest. He had a love for being the little spoon and melted when Hao cuddled him that way—which in Hanbin's opinion was more of a direct consequence of their proximity, but to Hao seemed to be just another point toward the idea that Hanbin was secretly an omega who had just… presented improperly.
"It's not a bad thing," he assured Hanbin softly. "And I could be wrong, anyhow. I'm not a doctor, it's just… something I've wondered about you."
Something in Hanbin settled at that. It reminded him that Hao was his friend and wanted the best for him. He was just a little concerned, and perhaps a little overly invested in Hanbin's life, which made sense with how Hanbin had attached himself to Hao's hip lately. He always smelled like cherry sours these days. Even their mutual friends had noticed.
"I guess I just never thought about it," he found himself mumbling. "But I'm not offended. Promise."
"Good," Hao said. "Because it's not meant to be offensive. I like omegas, remember?"
Right. There was that too.
"Would you like me?" Hanbin wondered out loud, unable to escape his habit of putting his foot in his mouth. "If—if I was an omega, I mean. Or if I felt like one."
Hao tilted his head as though he were appraising a cut of meat in the deli section of a market.
"Maybe," he said. "I think you'd make a good omega. Good enough to tempt me, probably."
Something turned over in Hanbin's stomach.
"Oh," he said, quietly stunned. "Thank you. I think."
Hao smiled at him sweetly.
"You're allowed to take it as a compliment, Hanbin-ah. That's how I mean it."
The squirming sensation turned to butterflies. He was coming to learn that friendship with Hao meant a lot of both things.
By the time the fall semester was almost done, he was failing STAT 1000 for the second time. His low attendance in his other classes had placed him on academic probation. It didn't matter. Hanbin wasn't strapped for cash. He wasn't struggling. His family paid for his tuition and all his expenses. He was Hao's friend.
He was figuring himself out, that was all.
.🍒•.
Hanbin woke up one day after the end of one of his countless heats with Hao to a strange, throbbing emptiness in his chest. The bed had been stripped of his nest and the mattress topper was irritating his skin, not nearly soft enough for his liking. Not only that, but Hao was nowhere to be found, even when Hanbin lifted his nose to sniff the air.
"Hao?" He called, suddenly overcome with fear. Did Hao leave? Where did he go? He always told Hanbin when he was leaving, where he was going. He always took it upon himself to soothe Hanbin's anxieties and reassure him. "Hao?"
He started to sit up, but pain twinged up his spine the way it always did after a long spell of fucking, and it only twisted Hanbin's fear deeper like a jagged knife. His eyes grew wet with tears when he realized Hao hadn't even caged him. What was he meant to do? The sheets pooled around his waist and Hanbin choked out a frantic sob.
He still had—he still had Hao's bite. That was what mattered, right? He was still tied to Hao, so Hao wouldn't abandon him. He wouldn't.
"Hanbinnie?" Hao. "Oh, Bin-ah. Why are you crying? I was just greeting our guest."
"Y-you didn't," Hanbin tried helplessly to get more air into his lungs, but he was hiccuping and choking and crying no matter how he fought to stop. "Didn't tell me. Thought you left."
Hao padded toward the bed and crawled on top of it, gathering Hanbin up in his arms.
"Baby," he said. "I was just telling Jiwoong-hyung that you might be too tired for visitors. I didn't go any further than the living room, I promise. Your nest is in the wash. I didn't cage you because I thought you wouldn't need it after this past week."
"Oh," Hanbin sniffled. He curled into Hao's embrace, embarrassed that he'd made a scene. "Sorry. Is—is Jiwoongie-hyung still here?"
"No, he left," Hao said. "But I told him he can come by later this week if he wants."
"Okay." Hanbin rubbed his cheek against Hao's scent gland, sour cherry sticking to his teeth as he opened his mouth to taste. "Thank you. Sorry I freaked out."
"I understand," Hao said. "Heats are overwhelming. Your emotions are still all over the place. It's okay. I've got you."
Hao had him.
.🍒•.
Hanbin was confused when Hao pulled away.
Things were going well, he'd thought. He'd been fully integrated into Hao's circle, but suddenly that circle was Hao-less. It was worrying.
"Do you think I made him uncomfortable?" He fretted, wringing his hands. Jiwoong gave him a funny look.
"Are you kidding? He loves you, don't be stupid. Half our circle has bets on you mating before you graduate. Talk it out. Maybe he's going through something and needs to sort it out. Or maybe he's just locking in for the end of the semester—you could learn a thing or two from him on that subject, by the way."
All of this was news to Hanbin. He stood there in shock, like Jiwoong had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head. He didn't know what to say, so he just mumbled something along the lines of agreement and went quiet.
The truth was, Hao's silence was tearing him apart, and Hanbin was all but certain it had to be his fault. He'd finally pushed too far. His crush on Hao had gone past flattering and dove straight into the creepy end of things, surely. Hao had gotten fed up with him. One of these things or all of them had to be true, and it was killing Hanbin to know that.
It was stupid to be heartbroken over someone who he never even had a chance with, but Hanbin was.
He checked his phone about a hundred times hoping to see a message from Hao, but no such message came. So began Hanbin's spiral.
He began going over every interaction they had, starting with the last time they talked and working back to the day Hanbin confessed. Had he done something wrong? Something rude? Had he insulted Hao somehow?
The only thing that seemed noteworthy was their discussion about Hanbin's presentation, and no matter how Hanbin thought about it, he couldn't find anything he had said that was wrong in that conversation. Not only that, but it had been two weeks since then with no sign of Hao being upset up until he went ghost.
"If talking doesn't work, you could always grovel," Jiwoong had told him. Hanbin decided it was time he followed that advice.
He caught Hao outside the library, because it was where he tended to live on weekends. It was raining out, and Hanbin had brought along an umbrella just in case Hao hadn't checked the weather forecast. As it turned out, he hadn't.
"Hanbin," Hao said, quietly stunned as Hanbin stood there in the rain with his umbrella open in invitation. He took a few steps closer until he was sheltered beneath it, water droplets clinging to the ends of his curls, rolling down his temple. "What are you doing here?"
There were a million reasons Hanbin could give and all of them would have been better than what came out of his mouth.
"A-are you ignoring me because I said I don't think I'm an omega?"
Hao's mouth parted in silent shock. The sound of the rain filled Hanbin's ears and drowned out the pounding of his heart. Then a smile curled on Hao's lips, helpless and fond, and he laughed.
"Oh, Hanbinnie," he said. "Were you that in your head about it? I'm sorry. I was holed up in here for the past few days. I barely looked at my phone. Some of us actually do need to study, you know."
The joke at Hanbin's expense went unnoticed. He was too busy feeling ridiculous to care about hurt feelings, and too busy being relieved that Hao wasn't angry with him to doubt it.
"Oh," he said dumbly. Hao started walking then, and Hanbin hurried to keep pace with him, holding the umbrella over both their heads. Hao gave him a grateful smile, demure and sweet.
"You even overthink like an omega," Hao joked. "Would you say you have an anxious attachment style, Hanbin-ah?"
Hanbin didn't think of himself as particularly anxious, so he shook his head.
"No?" Hao asked. "But you're so clingy, though. It's okay, I don't mind. It's nice to know you care about me."
The contrast between what he was saying and the way he was saying it was giving Hanbin whiplash.
"Of course I care about you," he found himself saying. "You're my best friend."
Hao gave him a knowing look, poorly-concealed amusement glimmering in his eyes. It was embarrassing that they both knew it. Hao wasn't just a best friend to Hanbin. Hanbin was overly attached and dangerously close to falling in love with him. He should put a stop to it for the sake of his poor, fragile little heart, but he couldn't bring himself to, addicted to the fluttering wings of butterflies that Hao summoned any time Hanbin was in his presence.
"I thought about it a lot," Hanbin blurted out. "What you said about me. If—about how I'm… how maybe I'm an omega."
Hao's expression grew curious.
"You did?" He asked.
He made it sound as though it were a surprise. Maybe it really was just a throwaway thought and he hadn't expected Hanbin to take it seriously. But Hanbin had. In the three days that they hadn't spoken, it had haunted his every waking thought. It had even slipped into his dreams. He'd woken in a panic in his nest, halfway convinced he was going into a sudden, nonsensical interpretation of a heat.
"Yeah," Hanbin said. "I don't know. I guess you had a point about some stuff. The nesting is pretty weird."
"Not weird," Hao corrected. "Just atypical, for an alpha."
"Right." If he was going to be honest about that much, Hanbin might as well bare his entire soul. "But I still don't know. I'm kind of worried that I'm just wondering about this stuff because I have this massive fucking crush on you still and just want you to like me back. Even though it's not possible. I'm really sorry, I know that's probably so weird for me to say to you."
Hao stopped walking. Hanbin stopped too. He was staring at the ground instead of Hao's face, intently fixated on the wet pavement beneath Hao's shoes.
"I don't want to stop being friends with you," he said, voice shaking. "I like you too much. But I feel gross every time you come over and—and nest with me, because it's different for me than it is for you. It means something else. And I can't stop thinking about what you said, I'm even dreaming about it, and it's making me wonder if maybe I really should have been an omega this whole time, but I don't know if I really want to be. But I also do want to be. So you'll like me. I don't know."
How pathetic did he have to be, to confess to Hao a second time after already being rejected? Hanbin blamed Jiwoong for putting all those ridiculous thoughts of Hao loving him and mating before graduation into Hanbin's head.
"I do like you," Hao said.
Hanbin's head jerked up and he stared at Hao's face, eyes blown wide with shock. Hao, for possibly the first time ever, looked almost nervous.
"I can't explain it," he said. "I really do only like omegas. But I also like you, Hanbin-ah."
Hope bloomed like a blood-red camellia in Hanbin's chest.
"You do?" He asked.
What did that mean for them? What did that mean for Hanbin? His hand shook where it gripped the umbrella handle. Raindrops slid down the sides and onto the pavement around them.
"I do," Hao said. "I don't think you're gross for having feelings for me. That would be hypocritical. I don't even think you're gross for wanting to be an omega so I'll like you. Because… Hanbin-ah, I want the same thing for the same reason."
"Oh."
Hanbin felt… small. A little cold, from standing out in the rain for so long while he waited for Hao to be done in the library. His fingers were chilled to the bone and curled so tightly around the umbrella that they hurt. He didn't know why, but he was suddenly near tears, his next inhale shaking.
"But I don't know if that's what I am," he said.
Hao reached for him then, gentle fingers brushing Hanbin's tears away before they even had the chance to fall.
"Oh, don't cry," he said. "Why don't we make a deal? Okay? You try—just try—to be an omega for a little while. And I'll try to love you. Doesn't that seem fair, Hanbinnie? If we both try something outside our comfort zones?"
When he put it like that, it did sound fair. Hanbin didn't know if he'd be any good at it, but he supposed it was worth a shot, if it meant Hao loving him.
"Okay," he sniffled. "I don't know how, though. To—to be an omega."
"I think you're doing an amazing job of it already, Hanbinnie," Hao said. His face was so open, so gentle and sincere that it was all Hanbin could do to believe him. "I don't think you'll have to work very hard. Maybe you'll even realize that you like it better this way. This could be a good thing."
Hanbin's stomach twisted. He nodded in the cup of Hao's palms.
"Would you let me—" He began, and then paused to rephrase. "Would you want to go on a date? With me? Just to try it."
Hao smiled so warmly that it thawed Hanbin's frozen fingers. He looked like an angel.
"Sure," he said. "Maybe not this close to exam season, though. Rain check?"
Hanbin nodded. The butterflies were back.
"Or if you want, we could have a study date. A little birdie told me you weren't doing so hot in your classes."
"That could be good," Hanbin agreed without thinking. "Yeah. I'd like that."
Hao leaned in and smacked a light peck to his mouth, gone again before Hanbin had even processed it. It left him dazed and gooey and all the more committed to their deal when he realized what had happened.
"Then it's a date."
Hanbin couldn't believe his luck.
.🍒•.
A few months later, they were trying things out.
They'd been trying things out, and it was going well, for the most part. Hanbin just kept forgetting that he was supposed to be an omega. He still wasn't sure he felt like one, but it made Hao happy to act like he was, so Hanbin did, to the best of his ability.
It was a shame that the best of his ability just wasn't… good.
"It's like you're not even trying," Hao snapped, tears in his eyes. "This is hard for me, okay? But at least I'm trying to love you. You're just—"
"I told you I don't know how!" He didn't mean to shout. He'd never shout at Hao. Hanbin didn't know who this awful person was, taking over his mouth and vocal chords so thoroughly. He was lost and confused and most of all he was hurting, shards of glass embedded in his chest and tears burning in his eyes. "I'm trying, I am, but I don't know where to start and—and you know, you know what it's like to be an omega, but you won't even help me figure it out!"
He crumpled in on himself, a sudden outpour of tears taking him by surprise. He hadn't even known he was so upset. He'd been so happy, in domestic bliss with Hao. They'd even considered looking into off-campus housing so they could move in together by the time the next academic school year started.
They'd never fought like this before. Maybe it shouldn't have surprised Hanbin how affected he would be by it, given how he acted when he thought Hao was ghosting him, but he was surprised. It felt like there was a hole torn in his chest and Hanbin was bleeding out of it just for Hao to see, heaving ugly, snotty sobs into his palms.
"I'm sorry," Hao whispered, and there were hands on him, gentle hands, tugging Hanbin closer and wrapping him in a hug. "You're right, Hanbinnie, hyung is sorry. I should have helped you. I'll help you. I'll teach you how, okay?"
"I'm sorry too," Hanbin said. He sounded awful and congested from all his crying. "I didn't mean to yell."
They had their first time a week after that. It was a little late in the game, and it was nerve-wrackingly new, but Hanbin was eager to try it with Hao showing him how. First by example, then by practice.
"Omegas like it like this," Hao said, and Hao liked omegas. It didn't feel bad—felt good, even, Hao's fingers inside him and pressing into a spot Hanbin didn't even know he had, a hand wrapped around Hanbin's weeping cock, stroking him slowly. "Doesn't that feel nice?"
"Uh-huh," Hanbin whimpered, a hand clapped over his mouth to muffle his pitiful little sounds, so he wouldn't be heard through the walls. It felt nice, but it was confusing. Hanbin thought he would have liked it more if it weren't for all the omega stuff thrown into the mix, but he felt guilty for it when he remembered how Hao had cried during their argument, so he kept it to himself.
Hao seemed happy about it, too. Hanbin didn't want to be a downer and ruin things by saying he hadn't liked it when really, he had. It was just a little complicated. He didn't want to lose this. He really didn't want to lose Hao.
Hao's lessons picked up after that. The longer they went on, the more intense things got. Step-by-step tutorials on how to be an omega that confused Hanbin more and more by the day. He fucked Hanbin for the first time, called him omega when he came, and it was odd but it was also the first time Hao told him he loved him. Hanbin pushed himself further, then further still, giving more and more of himself over.
They moved in together and things got even more intense with the added privacy. Hao invested in toys. In rewards. In punishments, all things that he liked to dole out liberally and that Hanbin accepted because it meant more of the same sweet words from Hao's soft lips.
Eventually, Hao stopped letting him cum.
It was frustrating, tear-jerkingly so. Hanbin cried near the end of every session now. He begged Hao to just touch him, just a little, just enough that he could tip over the edge.
"You wanted this," Hao told him once, after a particularly brutal edging that had Hanbin sobbing. "Didn't you? You wanted me to teach you what it was like. To show you how. I'm showing you, Hanbinnie. Good omegas submit."
There was something… not right about that. Hao was an omega, but he was in control. Hao was an omega, but he got to stick his dick in Hanbin whenever he liked. Hao was an omega, but he was never locked up in a chastity cage and denied release for days on end, only let out when someone else said he deserved it. Hanbin knew this, but he just as easily forgot it when Hao bit him before graduation, resulting in half their friend circle growing a significant amount richer.
"You were meant for me," Hao would say when he was buried inside Hanbin. "We're soulmates, Hanbin-ah."
Their scents and their bodies and their hearts were made for each other, or so Hao would have him believe. He gave Hanbin multiple chances to say that all of this wasn't for him, but Hanbin just couldn't bring himself to.
He was in too deep to back out of whatever this was now. Hanbin meant to only dip his toes in, but instead he was drowning. Hao exhaled air into his mouth. Hanbin breathed it in and found that it tasted sweet.
.🍒•.
Jiwoong came over again later, as promised. Hao disappeared to put on the electric kettle, and Hanbin swaddled himself up in the pink fluffy throw blanket that usually rested on the back of the sofa while they waited.
"Hao said you had a rough go of it this time," Jiwoong said. His face was pinched in worry.
He was always worried over Hanbin these days. Since Hanbin was too tired to work, too tired to go out, and too tired for much conversation, anyone would be worried. It didn't help that his heats always took the most out of him, leaving him drained and hurting and his emotional state worse for wear.
"It wasn't so bad," Hanbin said. He curled into himself on one end of the sofa, bringing his knees up to his chest. "Used to be worse, I think."
Jiwoong frowned.
"Why do you think that is, though? Isn't it weird?" He asked. "And don't you think you should see a doctor? Like—a real, medical doctor. Maybe they could do an MRI or something. See if there's anything wrong."
"Hyung," Hanbin protested softly. His hair fell into his eyes. It was getting longer these days, but Hao liked it long, said it made Hanbin look softer, so he hadn't cut it even though it tickled. "I think I know what's wrong. It's just… Don't laugh at me, okay?"
"I'd never."
Hanbin's mouth trembled as he gathered his courage.
"I think I… I think I'm an omega." Before Jiwoong could make a sound, he launched into explaining: "It just—I just feel like one, I don't know. I don't think I am one, I know I am. On the inside. Sometimes I get confused and I think I'm not, but then something happens and I feel like an omega again, and it feels right, like I was just pretending to be something else before."
Jiwoong was watching him with wide eyes as he rambled.
"Hao said people feel like this sometimes. Like they presented wrong, and that there's nothing wrong with me for feeling that way, but—." Oh, God. Was he going to cry again? He couldn't seem to stop lately. Hanbin pressed the sleeves of the oversized sweater he'd stolen from Hao's closet to his eyes and let them soak up the beginnings of his tears. "But it's been years now since I figured it out and I'll never be an omega on the outside, and it's—upsetting. Especially when I'm in—you know. It hurts. I'm so confused during it. Like I don't know what I want. My body wants one thing and my head wants another and it's just awful."
"Oh, Hanbin-ah," Jiwoong breathed. "Binnie, I'm sorry. You should have told hyung sooner, so I could help. I have some friends just like you, you know."
Pulling his sleeves away from his face, Hanbin asked, "You do?"
"Yeah." Jiwoong nodded. "It's rare, but it happens. I don't think it's recognized as an official change yet, but you know there are surgeries, right? And pheromone treatments, and suppressants if your… cycle is really making you that dysphoric. If you want to feel more like an omega physically, that might be the way to go. I could introduce you to someone who might understand better what you're going through."
It was like a whole new world opened up in front of him. The key to being an omega was right there, dangling in front of his face.
"I—I'll have to talk to Hao-hyung," he said nervously. "Maybe he could come with me? I don't know. I'd feel better if hyung was there."
As though summoned, Hao came around the corner with three mugs of tea balanced on a tray. He set the tray on the coffee table, pressed a kiss to Hanbin's temple, and sat down next to him on the sofa.
"I made red clover for you," he murmured. "Spearmint for me and Jiwoong-hyung."
"Thank you," Hanbin said, and meant it. "We were just talking about Jiwoongie-hyung's friends. The ones like me."
On the other end of the sofa, Jiwoong nodded.
"Trans-subgenderism isn't widely talked about," he said. "But I know some people. I was telling Hanbin about some of the methods my friends have used to feel more like themselves. But it would be better if he could hear it firsthand, from someone who's actually done it."
Hanbin turned to Hao.
"I want you there with me if I meet them," he said softly. "Is that okay?"
"Of course it's okay." Hao's voice was equally as soft. He found Hanbin's hand on the sofa and laced their fingers together, squeezing. "You know I'll always support you in this. I want what you want, Hanbinnie."
Something itched at the back of Hanbin's brain. It seemed backwards to hear it put that way, but he didn't know why. It hurt his head to try to figure it out, so he stopped trying altogether. Hanbin's eyelashes fluttered shut. He leaned into Hao's side and breathed in the sour cherry scent that lured him here.
It had never smelled sweeter.
"Okay," he breathed. "Then I think—I think I want that. It feels right. You love me?"
"I love you," Hao said.
That settled it for good.
Hanbin was happier these days than he had been before. There was so much misery back then and he couldn't even remember the cause of it anymore—he attributed it to being in the wrong body, being his wrong self.
He was so glad he had Hao here to help him find who he really was.
"Why don't you go take a nap, and I'll have a quick chat with Jiwoongie-hyung?" Hao asked. "You should be getting your rest. Doctor's orders."
Jiwoong laughed. Hanbin mumbled a quiet agreement and puckered his lips for a kiss that Hao gave him without hesitation.
"Don't forget your tea," Hao said.
It felt good to be wanted. It felt good to be loved.
It felt good being Hao's omega.