Chapter Text
Being alone sucks.
Consider the quiet kids, the ones who occupy the edges of the cafeteria, the back rows of the classroom, the benches on the playground. The ones whose worlds are often filled with the rustle of paper, and strokes of a pencil. Have you ever thought about them? Thought about why they seem to be a passing thought, why you only see them in your peripheral vision? Sure some of them enjoy being alone, but I can assure you the majority don't.
Then there's the kids whose parents are absent. They wait by doorways, silently waiting, praying, for someone to walk through the door. Someone who will love them, and hug them, and tell them everything will be okay. They're forced to navigate life on their own. Forced to learn how to cook, clean, and do the basic necessities in order to survive. Shouldering responsibilities that no child should have, because the people who should have been there to care and raise them aren't.
It's a painful truth that life can be particularly cruel to those who are more vulnerable, while those who act without conscience often seem to flourish. Life's a never ending tornado, picking and choosing who suffers and who gets to escape without a scratch.
The privilege move through the world with an air of invincibility, seemingly untouched by the reality that binds so many others.
Meanwhile, those living in destitution exist under the perpetual shadow of fear, knowing that a single misstep, a fleeting moment, or an encounter with the wrong person or place could irrevocably alter or end their lives.
In one way or another Jay's all of that. Besides being a rich asshole of course. He's definitely not that.
Jay's story, in its own way, was a testament of just how cruel the world could be. A quiet suffering of the overlooked. A living embodiment of the vulnerabilities so often ignored. Yet it hadn't made him special. Because so many others have gone through just about the same things, many of them having it worse.
But they don't matter. Because this isn't about them. This is about Jay Quincy. And he knows the feeling of being a passing thought, a blurred face in the background of so many others lives.
However that wasn't always the case.
The ghost of a dining table haunted the edges of his mind — a small, sacred wooden surface that carried a family of three through so much. The plates were often megearly filled, the portions dictated by a tight budget, stretched on a quickly frailing thread. Yet the scarcity of food never truly affected the loving memory. Even if it threatened to at times, the distinct voice of his parents would easily drown it out.
Jay knew as a young child that life was never easy for them. While his parents tried to keep most things hidden from him — overdue bills, extra expenses, rent increases — it never quite worked. Jay was always a smart kid. The hushed conversations, and worried glances over his head never kept him out of it. And when the arguments stopped he was even more determined to be a part of the loop.
Jay's parents loved each other. No matter how much they argued they always had each other's backs. They had that determination in their eyes, that no matter what happened they would take care of their own. They'd do it together.
Jay's parents were his first introduction to what love is. And they would continue to be the standard, an example of what he should strive for if he decides to settle down with someone. Nothing more, nothing less. Their love was an unbreakable bond forged in shared hardship, love so strong it was equivalent to wealth.
Jay's parents loved each other to the moon and back. They loved each other so much that they wouldn't let anything separate them. Not even death.
Jay's parents are a happy memory.
A happy memory stained with laughter.
Life without his parents was hard. Jay became more closed off, he didn't do much, didn't go anywhere. Wake up, eat, school, go home, eat, homework, sleep. Rinse and repeat.
His sleep was littered with nightmares, rain slamming against concrete as uncontrollable laughter fills the air. Jay can always faintly hear other people around him, see the siren colors, hear them. But the most prominent thing he can hear is the laughter. That, and the wide stretched grins. Forever stuck.
It makes him wonder why he wasn't affected. Why was it only them? His grandmother tells him it's because God has a plan for him. It would possibly be more believable if she didn't also say that God loves all his children. Because if he loved them all then why did he rip Jay's parents away from him? That wasn't fair. Not to him. Not to them. They were too young. It was too soon.
Everything hurt. And Jay hated the world for so long. But then the podcast started. Rogues the Podcast. And God, it was everything. You know how people say that one single person, or a show, or a character saved their lives? That's what Rogues the Podcast did for Jay.
Suddenly everyday didn't just feel like it was passing by him. The suffocating feeling of everything crashing down around him disappeared. He found himself looking forward to every time Mr. Nygma went live.
There should've been some kinda ethical concern about so many people listening to a guy who tormented and killed multiple people. Especially for Jay since he lives in Gotham. But hey, what can he say? Edward's super cool.
In a way Edward Nygma became the most important and crucial person in Jay's life. Even though they didn't actually know each other, and likely never would. Because why would The Riddler ever put up with someone like Jay?
A question that came back and slipped Jay in the face full force when he met Query and Echo. The two were known henchgirls for Edward and they did a hella good job at it. Even more, they seemed to adore Jay, at the start at least.
You know how people get puppies and they instantly fall in love with them? And how some of those people quickly get fed up with said puppy? Yeah, that was Jay to them. He was like a homeless pup that they found and kept around until they started getting tired of his clingy behavior.
And once that happens, the puppy gets dumped somewhere. Lucky for Jay, the dump just so happened to be Edward Nygma.
Don't get it twisted, Jay knows the girls still like him. As far as he's concerned they'll always have a soft spot for him. However his clinginess is something they couldn't afford to deal with, with the jobs they have. He gets it.
But that had to be the best thing that ever happened to Jay. He met Edward Nygma, The Riddler. And lived to tell the tale. Not that he did. No one would believe him and he'd likely be used as a way to get to the man.
So yeah, everything had gone well. Jay got to know Edward, they practically became best friends — don't ask Edward, he'll deny it — and Jay's life got brighter every time he interacted with the man.
It was practically a story book ending. Exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and finally the resolution. Just, without Jay having to fight some bad guy.
But of course the story didn't end there. It never does, because this is Gotham city. This is Jay's luck. And it just seems that God hates the idea of him having anything good. Because why else would he let someone kidnap Edward? Why would he let someone as low as Thomas Elliot out do Edward Nygma.
It pisses him off. The fact that he didn't realize for a week or so that Edward was in fact not Edward. The stupid podcast listeners fucking up some of the riddles. And especially Jonathan keeping him out of the loop for the majority of the search.
But then it finally came to an end, with Edward safe and at Arkham. He would've preferred if Edward was set free of course, I mean all he did was kill the guy who shoved a device in his brain that could literally kill him.
…
And his innocent wife.
But it's not like it wasn't justifiable for the most part.
So yeah! Now the story is finally over and they can live happily ever- fudge…
Maybe Jay should stop hoping everything will finally end well. It's wishful kid thinking really, and Jay hasn't been a kid in a while.
What happened this time you ask? Someone fucked with Ichabod. And no- no I don't mean like fucked her, that would be weird. I mean someone quite literally killed Ichabod.
Well, they didn't actually kill her. They kidnapped her and replaced her with a different dead crow. How does Jay know that? C'mon people, the stupid fake Ichabod has two working- are they working since its dead? Doesn't matter. The crow had two eyes. It must've come from the courtyard.
Simple detective work right? You see a dead bird, inspect it, see that it's not the demon bird. All good, yeah? Yeah, well when you see a dead ass bird in your precious bird-childs cage and it's dark in the room, your mind jumps to conclusions.
And in Jonathan's defense, the crashout was valid! I mean come on, Edward didn't even realize it wasn't actually Ichabod. And it's Edward so obviously Jonathan can't be held at fault.
Apparently that wouldn't hold up in court though. So now Jonathan isn't allowed in Gotham. Well- it's not like he was exiled, more like Edward told him to leave and he did. Which okay, but the fact that Edward didn't try to do anything to bring him back irked Jay.
So blah blah blah Penguins mayor, Edward gets a promotion, Twoface still stinks, and Amanda Wallers after Jonathan? Something he had not exactly known until an eventful conversation with Aunt Harley. He didn’t even know who Amanda was prior to then. Either way, because of this Penguin sent Edward to go get Jonathan. That- Jay liked that. What he didn't like was that Edward neglected to even take him with him.
I mean, who opts to take a damn Crocodile on what's meant to basically be a stealth mission?? It irks Jay because he would've been a better partner. He's stealthy, and good with tech, and could've easily read the questions to Edward. But no yeah, whatever, bring the Croc. Not that Jay has anything against Waylon. Well. Maybe he has a little bit against him right now. But Waylon's not at fault for that.
Either way, with that recap done let's tune into what our boy Jay's actually doing!
Jay slips into the now unlocked car, closing the door behind him. He pulls a #2 Phillip screwdriver – yes he always has a screwdriver on him – out of his backpack and unscrews the panel under the steering wheel. He tosses the panel onto the floor of the passenger seat and reaches into the panel to pull the bundle of wires leading to the battery, ignition, and starter towards him. He slips a pocket knife out of his pocket and strips the wires battery wires, now holding his pocket knife between his teeth he carefully twists the wires together. Careful not to let them hit anything metal in the car.
The radio of the car crackles to life. Jay only glances at it before returning back to what he was doing. Now, with the wires actually live, he carefully strips the starter wire and then slowly brings it towards the twisted battery wires. He sparks them against each other once, and then twice and the car roars to life. Jay grins, tossing his book bag into the passenger seat, he jams his pocket knife between the steering wheel console and dashboard in order to unlock the wheel.
“Ohhkay…” Jay murmurs, one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the gear stick. He takes a deep breath. “Okay, I can do this. I've driven before. It's not hard.” He tells himself. “Its just the only time I've stolen a car.” He turns on the headlights, jerks the gear stick into drive, and slowly pulled out of the parking spot.
— — —
Now, Jay in no way lied about the fact that he could drive. His grandpa had taught him ages ago in his old pick up. And honestly he was doing good. None of Gotham's police had pulled him over. Whether it was because he's a good driver or because they just don't give a fuck, he doesn't know.
However, apparently the slight worry of a police officer pulling him over – seeing as he has no license and they would most definitely take action, unlike Gotham's police – is nothing compared to attempting to swerve out the way of a red fox on a backroad and crashing into a tree.
To be fair Jay would've had to switch cars at some point. Sure it had only been around three hours since he left Gotham, but if he wanted to make it to Georgia he would've had to throw the police off his trail. It's only been twelve hours since he's actually been back to his grandparents house. Therefore they'd likely call him in as a missing person the next day after school.
Jay curses, swiping blood off his forehead. He snatches his backpack from the passenger seat. And forces the car door open. He's immediately hit with the nightly cool air and promptly shuts the door. He'd rather risk staying in a car that might blow up than going out right now.
It's probably safer anyway. He's on a backroad in Fairfax, Virginia. There's tons of wildlife that would love to get a bite of him. He groans, leaning back against the car seat. The car shut off as soon as he made impact with the tree. Obviously the airbag didn't expand, which he's honestly glad for because those things literally break bones. So only having a minor headache and wound on his head isn't that bad.
Speaking of wounds, Jay digs through his bag, pulling out a mini first aid kit. Yes, he's got practically everything anyone could need to survive in the wild. The only thing is some of the supplies – like the first aid kit – are limited because he also values the ability to run when in danger. He's prepared but not over prepared.
As Jay blindly wraps his wound, he can’t help but think about the fact that he, at the age fifteen, is out on the country roads of Virginia. Alone. He could’ve stayed home. He should’ve stayed home. Stayed with his grandma and grandpa, where he already has unconditional love. Where he’s always welcomed with a full plate and warm hugs. Instead, he’s chasing after two – technically three – of Gotham's most dangerous rogues. He’s chasing the love of two men who after only two years, is his entire world. Two men who would – against his own beliefs – throw him to a lion so they have more time to get away. And that’s because that’s who they are. They’re rouges. They’re the worst of the worst. One who's killed hundreds of people, another who, while only killing ten known people, hadn’t killed more than one in self defense.
And Jay keeps on chasing their love. Despite every questionable thing they’ve done to him he keeps running back to them because they’re family. They’re his family. And he would do anything to protect them.
Even sit in a car that could very much catch fire at any moment.
Which is why he’s keeping the door unlocked.
Jay sighs. With his head wound now patched up as much as possible, he slips the medkit back into its designated spot and pulls out a hoodie. He's thankful he packed the bulky thing. It's nearing November and with that it gets unbearably cold I'm Gotham. The idea of possibly being outside long into the night convinced him to add the stupid thing to his supplies. Not that it hadn't proven to be annoying with rearranging all of his things. Which were, of course, precisely slotted into spots based on how easy he would need to grab it if in danger and having to act quick.
The previous set up he was so used to that he almost pulled out his spare notepad instead of his pepper spray when confronted with some thugs in Crime Alley. Changes are dangerous man.
He slips the hoodie over his head and checks his phone. It's on eighty seven percent and has a pretty bad crack in it due to the crash. The time reads 2:12AM and Jay's eyes burn with unpresented tears.
He stares at it and the phone screen times out and turns off after a few seconds. It's two AM and he's in the middle of nowhere. It's two AM and he's sitting in a wrecked car because it's too cold out, nobody's around, and he doesn't want to be a bobcat's late night snack. He's in the middle of nowhere. He lets that sink in. He's fucking chasing grown ass men because he can't handle the fact he wasn't invited to a road trip which is bound to be dangerous due to the fact that A.R.G.U.S wants their hands on Jonathan.
The thing is Jay thinks they need him. Edward's arrogance, and Jonathan's recent compromised state, meant they were both vulnerable. Jay wasn't just trying to be a tag-along following criminal crushes; he was the backup they didn't know they needed. He has been there helping them whether behind to scenes or right next to them. He was the one who could see the bigger picture, the one who could patch up the cracks in their defenses. He felt he had to go. He had to make sure they came back. Because- because… he doesn't know what he would do if they didn't come back.
as he runs through the forest. He can hear the man on his trail. He risks a glance behind him and oh my God. There is no way that built like a brick wall build of a man is chasing Jay down at a speed that fast! What the hell did they feed this guy as a baby?! He must be a fucking super solider, like Captain America or Bucky Barnes, cause what?!
Jay almost trips on multiple different roots, logs, and rocks. He'd most definitely prefer a bobcat or coyote over being caught and possibly trafficked. Unless the guy's nice and really hadn't planned on kidnapping him. However you can't trust people these days.
But that's the thing. This- this is practically a selfish endeavor, isn't it?
Just five hours ago he was pissed about the fact that Edward took Waylon, someone who can protect him, with him instead of Jay. What's Jay going to do if highly trained soldiers attack them? He can't do much. He can't fight them. Well, he can, but he'd lose. He'd just be in the way. He'd prevent Edward and Jonathan from doing what's necessary to keep themselves safe. They wouldn't just abandon Jay, and that's partly because he knows too much.
Jay's far from him and so much further from his father's. And he's alone. Completely and utterly alone. He could die tonight and no one would be any wiser. Because he was too stupid to stay home. He was too stupid to tell someone. He could've told Harley. But he didn't. He did nothing but act on his own selfish desires and it's going to get him killed. He left home. He left his grandparents who are going to be worried sick about him because there's no way in hell he'd be able to get back to Gotham at this rate. It'd take at least twenty four hours for him to get to the border of Gotham. And then get in and home without being snatched by some underground ring for trafficking.
But it's even longer to get to Georgia. And there's a huge chance that Edward and Jonathan aren't even there anymore. They could be taking an entirely different path from Jay and he'd be walking to his death.
…
He could call Edward. He should call Edward. Or Jonathan, or his grandma. But he hesitates. Why is he hesitating? This is a pointless task. He could die and he's hesitating to call for help? Does that even make sense?
If he calls Father he'd have to pick him up. He couldn't just leave him there. Would he? “It's two AM.” He reminds himself. “Father wouldn't be awake.” He stares at the black screen of his phone before turning it on and moving to dial Edward's phone.
Jay doesn't want to die. And if he doesn't get help he will. After one last shaky breath he clicks “call”. The phone rings. And it rings. And it rings. Jay's nose burns and he feels the overwhelming need to cry as the rings continue on. Eventually the phone goes to voice-mail. The only good thing about that is that he gets to hear Edward's voice.
“This is Edward Nygma. If you are Robin do not call this number again. It's seriously getting annoying. If you are not Robin, still don't call this number again. If I feel the need to respond to you, I will.”
Beep
Jay's silent for a moment. “Uhm.” His voice is wet. “I'm in..” He takes a deep breath. Trying to calm himself. “I'm in Fairfax, Virginia. Can you.. come.. pick me up please.” God, his head hurts. “I.. I crashed. Well. Stole a car, then crashed it. I think- I think you'd be slightly proud of that.” He laughs wetly. “Yeah.. I'm okay though, and uhm. Sorry. I wasn't trying to wake you or anything. My phone should be uhm, okay, so I'll get your call.” He goes quiet. And without thinking says: “please don't leave me here dad.”
He hangs up the phone and slips it into his pocket. He leans back against the car seat, feeling tired as everything from the past week hits him. No, he doesn't cry. Crying is stupid and he's above it. He's just upset. He misses his grandparents. He misses his dad's. He misses his bed. He misses everything. But no, he's not crying over it. Because he got himself into this mess and it's stupid to feel bad for himself.
…
Maybe he's crying a little, but that's a natural reaction that comes with distress. Jay sniffles as he pulls his arms inside his hoodie, brings his knees up to his chest, and tries to get some sleep.
It's two AM. Jay is over two hundred miles away from Gotham. Chasing two people he considers his family. Sleeping in a crashed car that likely won't keep in any heat. With a head wound, a now pounding headache, and surrounded by a large forest filled with animals that would likely eat him given the chance.
He hates being alone.
— — —
Jay wakes the next day to a few raps against the window. He jumps up but ends up hitting his head against the top of the car. A whine escapes his lips as his hands shoot up to his head.
“Kid!” A slightly muffled voice, due to the rolled up window, shouts and Jay's head snaps to look out the window.
A man who has a messy quiff of jet black hair with a patch of white streaks littering his bangs, blue-grey steel eyes, and a rather concerned expression stares back at him. The man's eyes flicker down to the car door and he moves his hand down to the door handle. Instead of trying the fruitless attempt of locking the door, Jay pushes himself over the middle console, into the passenger seat just as the man opens the door.
“Hey, are you- kid!” The man, whose voice is rough and slightly raspy, shouts as Jay bolts out the passenger door, one hand dragging his bag behind him and the other being the one that pushed the car door open.
Jay can hear his heart pounding in his chest as he runs through the forest. He can hear the man on his trail. He risks a glance behind him and oh my God. There is no way that built like a brick wall build of a man is chasing Jay down at a speed that fast! What the hell did they feed this guy as a baby?! He must be a fucking super solider, like Captain America or Bucky Barnes, cause what?!
Jay almost trips on multiple different roots, logs, and rocks. He'd most definitely prefer a bobcat or coyote over being caught and possibly trafficked. Unless the guy's nice and really hadn't planned on kidnapping him. However you can't trust people these days.
So Jay's like… sixty percent sure he made the right call on booking it. After all, stranger danger is a real problem. For once, Jay's size is very helpful in getting away. He's faster than the man and can slip past tighter spots than the man can, making it fairly easy for him to create distance between them while the guy tries to find a way around the tight spots.
It feels like Jay's been running forever. He doesn't hear the guy anymore and he definitely doesn't see him. Yet Jay keeps running, and running, and running his legs ache and he's out of breath but he continues pushing forward because surely the guy is still looking, right?
Well, that doesn't matter because Jay's foot catches on a slightly raised root and he trips forward. In fact, he trips and proceeds to roll down a hill. The tumble isn't as bad as it could've been, however suddenly he has a feeling of weightlessness. He only has a few seconds to register the fact he's now falling through air before he hits the ground.
He lands harshly, and hears, as well as feels, a crack in his wrist.
Jay screams. Then he's forcing himself to shut up because hello idiot! You're in a damn forest filled with wildlife and a guy was just chasing you! Nonetheless Jay lays there face down for what feels like forever, wrist throbbing and tears rolling down his face.
Eventually he gets the courage to roll himself over and bites his tongue to stop himself from screaming. “Shit..” He murmurs. He takes a deep breath, cradling his, what he assumes is a fractured wrist, in his hand.
Didn't Jonathan record what to do when this happens on the podcast? But his bone was out of its socket… Jay's is cracked. He huffs. It looks like he's in a holloway. A pretty deep one too. Now that he's paying more attention, the sun's not in the middle of the sky, so it's not twelve yet. The air's also pretty cool.. he shivers. At least he put his hoodie on. Again, it ended up being a perfect addition to his bag.
His bag. Jay looks around. “No. You've got to be kidding me.” He lost his fucking bag. Jay stands up, careful to not jostle his wrist. He must've dropped it when he tripped… God… he probably still has cell service. He lets go of his wrist to reach into his jacket pocket to pull out his… phone… which isn't in his pocket. He dropped his phone. He dropped. His fucking. Phone.
Maybe he didn't lose it. Jay starts hastily looking around the area. Maybe it dropped after the fall. And not while he was running. Maybe it's nearby and he won't miss Edward's call. And he won't potentially be stuck in Virginia. Maybe he won't have to live with the foxes and become an animal himself. He doesn't know how he'd hold up without a real toilet. Or good food for that matter. Food's everything.
And maybe- maybe… tears well up in Jay's eyes. And maybe that's because his “rescue mission” for Jonathan turned into a rescue mission for himself. This was stupid. He was stupid. What was he thinking?! His luck is shit. It's practically on par with Peter Parker's luck. If you ignore the fact that a lot of the things that went wrong recently are just because of Jay's decisions.
But seriously. Why did he think this would work? He's a child. A child who unlike the countless Robin's, and other teen superheroes has no experience or training. He decided in a desperate, lonely, pathetic state of mind that he was going to cross at least five states to get to Georgia. Who in their right mind does that? He was going to drive, at the very least thirteen hours, in a stolen car. Well sure, he planned to steal multiple cars. Not that that makes it any better… but he was stupid.
Why did he think he'd be able to get to Jonathan's family home, which he in fact did hack into Jonathan's devices for that information, meet up with him and Edward, and make it back to Gotham before his grandparents even knew he was gone? He should've thought this out more. Sure, he had a few things set, such as rigging the school attendance system to mark his present every day, he was tracking Jonathan's phone, and his “go bag” was pretty much stocked with everything. He was so proud of that. He thought he was being clever.
And now he's standing in a deep holloway, no supplies, a fractured wrist, and alone.
Fucking hell. He hates being alone.