Archive of Our Own

The moment Jinx saw Vi wearing that stupid uniform— the symbol of everything they had grown up hating, the uniform of the same people that had killed their parents— her mind stopped working right. Maybe it was just a side effect of the noxious gas that they had used to drive her out of hiding like she was vermin. Her lungs and throat burned from the thick eyes, and her vision was blurry and tinged red around the edges. All in all, she was very lucky to have made it out of the arcade alive. If she hadn't remembered the back exit, she would’ve either slowly suffocated until there was nothing but toxic smog in her lungs, or Vi and her Piltie girlfriend would’ve killed her and strung up her body for all of Piltover to see. Everyone could celebrate the wicked witch’s death. 

Hot tears streamed down her face, and she tried to tell herself it was just the irritation from the Grey, but the sharp claws that dug into her heart told her otherwise. They were tears of betrayal and grief. Her big sister— the same girl who used to vow to take down the enforcers— had not just joined them, but led them to the very place they had hidden from them together as kids. Did she not remember watching them terrorize their people— terrorize them? 

She had tried to convince herself to pull the trigger as Vi’s unsuspecting form lurked below, stealing away the last piece that was left of their dead brother. Her hands had trembled as she aimed the gun, and her finger twitched, but refused to budge. It was hard to convince herself to kill her big sister when she was the one that deserved to die. Maybe, if she knew Vi would have the guts to finish the job, she would climb down and let her sister do what should’ve been done a long time ago, but the thought of a Piltie being the one to pull the trigger made her stomach turn in knots, so she stayed hidden. Well, she stayed hidden until her stupid emotions betrayed her, and her tears revealed her location. 

Like a coward, she ran. The old targets shielded her, and worked perfectly as a distraction while she slipped into the back alley, still choking on the thick poison that burned in her lungs. 

She clutched the arm she had made for Sevika tighter to her chest as she ran through the alley, unable to stop the sobs that tore through her. She just wanted to feel like she could fix something, but she should’ve known it would end in disaster. Everything she touched turned to ruin. At least the arm was intact and should function well enough for the ogre, but whatever shreds of her sisterhood that had remained were gone. That was her own fault, though. 

It was almost funny— in a morbid way— that she had managed to drive her sister away and kill her adoptive father on two different occasions. That really was something only she could pull off. 

She should’ve been paying more attention to her surroundings. She knew better than to ever let her guard down while wandering around Zaun, especially now that she was Piltover’s most wanted, yet she had let herself get distracted. It was hard to focus when you could barely see or breathe, though. Even more so when it felt like your heart had been cleaved in two. 

The pain hit her before she even had a chance to see her attacker. A metal arm flew towards her, hitting her hard against the face. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she felt blood dribble from her nose, staining her pale skin a deep red. She fell back, the hard landing against the cobblestone street knocking the air from her. 

Wasn’t it stupid that her blood was full of a potent drug designed  to make you damn near invincible, yet a single hit to the face left her ready to cry like a little girl? 

She coughed, flinching as she rolled onto her stomach, and reached for her pistol. As soon as her fingers wrapped around the gun’s handle, her nerves were momentarily soothed. Everyone knew she was a force to be reckoned with when she had a gun. She had a reputation for being trigger happy, and she was more than happy to put a bullet in this bozo’s brain. She didn’t even get a chance to press her finger against the trigger, though, before the gun was forcefully knocked from her grip and kicked far out of her reach. 

Fuck. Without her gun she was pretty much useless against two buffoons with superpowered mechanical arms. Close combat had never been her strength, and maybe if she hadn’t been running on fumes for days now, she would be able to put up more of a fight, but she couldn’t even remember the last time she had eaten or slept. Most of the time, she couldn’t care less about her own health, but neglecting her body’s needs was starting to catch up to her. 

Another goon walked up in front of her, and she snarled, but she knew it would do nothing to ward him off. She braced herself as the two fools surrounded her and harshly grabbed her, hoisting her up by her shoulders just to slam her back against the brick wall. 

Admittedly, at this moment, she was grateful for the poison in her blood. There was a sickening crack as her head collided with the wall behind her, and pain erupted through her skull. If it wasn’t for her enhanced resilience, she definitely would’ve been dying or at least unconscious. She could feel thick drops of her warm, sticky blood drip down the back of her head, undoubtedly matting her hair. That would be a fun mess to deal with later. 

She groaned and panted heavily as she peered out through half-lidded eyes in an attempt to make sense of her surroundings. Her head lolled forward as her vision blurred in and out of focus. She couldn’t see straight, much less think straight. Then again, she wasn’t sure she could remember a time that she had the ability to think clearly. 

“Baby blue,” a grisly voice called out, mocking her, in between the whirring of mechanical limbs shifting and moving. 

Smeech. Just what she needed. The greedy, overgrown rat undoubtedly wanted the bounty Piltover had put on her head, and the way things were going for her right now, he was about to hit the jackpot. She writhed and tried to fight off the goons, listlessly kicking and thrashing. They quickly grabbed her wrists and pinned them tightly to the brick wall behind her, the brick sharply digging into her skin and bones. She hissed as a third buffoon approached and pressed the hot metal of his mechanical arm against her throat, forcing her to stay still as his wandering hands picked off what few weapons she had left on her, tossing them too far away for her to have any hope of getting to them. Not that a paint bomb would’ve done much to save her, anyway. 

She watched as Smeech took a long puff of shimmer before eerily crawling toward her like some sort of nightmarish bug. 

“Right through their fingers, you must be part eel,” he taunted as he approached. He had been following her, and watched what happened. She sneered, and subtly leaned back as he lifted his hand. Smeech wasn’t the type to do the fighting. If he wanted her beat to a pulp, his goons would take care of the job, he wanted something else from her, and that was what made her want to squirm. 

“Just means I can up my finders fee. There’s always a deal to be struck,” Smeech goaded. 

Jinx kept up her futile struggle, trying to hide the fear that bubbled in her belly. Death wasn’t what scared her. Dying alone at the hands of Smeech? Sure, that was pretty bad. Being locked in a cage in Piltover until they could publicly string her up for her crimes? That made her head spin with anxiety. But, the option that scared her the most was Smeech deciding Piltover’s deal wasn’t good enough and that he could make money off her in other ways. She wasn’t naive. She knew that without Silco there to protect her, she had a target on her back in more ways than one. 

Death was something she had learned to accept and was ready to embrace, but not like this. She wanted to go out on her terms, not by some greasy rat. 

“Ah, ah, ah. They want you alive, but don’t think I won’t skewer out those peepers. Drawback of you long-range types,” Smeech threatened as he extended a sharp needle from the tip of his mechanical finger. 

Jinx flinched away. There wasn’t much she was scared of anymore, at least not in terms of weapons, but needles made her blood curdle in her veins. Nobody really liked needles, but she hadn’t really been scared of them either, at least not before the doctor got his hands on her. She could still feel the sharp sting of needles piercing every inch of her body, filling her veins with the burning poison. The worst part hadn’t been the pain, though. She could handle pain. The worst part was the helplessness. Strapped to that table, she hadn’t been able to move, and no matter how loud she screamed, or how much she begged for it to stop, nobody came to save her. Singed could’ve decided to tear her limbs off and stitch her back together, turning her into one of his mutant monsters, and nobody would’ve come to stop him. It was the same now with Smeech. There was nobody coming to save her. Unless she somehow found the strength to get away, she was at his mercy. 

“Me? I’m the kind of guy who likes to get in close,” Smeech rambled as he waved the needle closer to her eye. 

“Never thought I’d catch you blubbering. Wonder if Silco even saw that,” he ribbed, knowing the comment would pull a reaction out of Jinx. 

Jinx tensed, her mind going blank with grief and rage. She knew he was looking for a reaction, and she couldn’t stop herself from giving him one. 

“Twice. When he met me, and when I killed him,” she whispered, keeping her voice low and threatening. She was in a losing fight, but Smeech didn’t need to know that. If she couldn’t fight her way out of this, she could at least use her reputation as ‘the loose cannon’ to her advantage, and to maintain what little pride she had left. 

“You?” Smeech replied, his voice a mixture of shock and confusion. If she was as unhinged as everyone seemed to think she was, she would laugh at his reaction. Was it really that surprising? Hadn’t they been the ones saying she was off her leash? Hadn’t everyone except her and Silco inevitably known things would end this way? His needle retracted, and he instantly stepped back, put on edge by only a few words. 

“It’s always me. Whether I’m pulling the pin or not, everyone who gets close to me dies,” Jinx hissed. This time, she kept her voice low to hide the strain of the tears that had lodged in her throat. She was a curse, and all she could do was use that to her advantage, just like Silco had taught her. She was someone to be feared, and she would do her best to maintain that illusion until her body was cold and stiff. 

“Wanna know the real kicker? You’re the kind of guy who likes to get in close,” she taunted, the words dripping slowly from her tongue as she leaned in. She channeled whatever energy she had left to activate the shimmer in her veins, hoping it would be enough to make an escape. Her eyes began to glow and the flames that lived inside her began to flare, burning her from the inside out. She hated it, but it needed to be enough for her to get away. 

She smirked as Smeech gasped and stumbled back. At least, if she died or was locked away in Piltover, she would have the satisfaction of knowing she made  chembaron squirm with nothing but her taunts. She squirmed some more, trying to free her arms from the fools that were keeping her pinned down. She could feel the metal arm that was pressed against her throat beginning to heat up and burn her, making her struggle more. She saw the idiot in front of her pull back his arm, preparing to deal a final blow that would, at the least, knock her out. She could take a hit, but even she had her limits when it came to metal slamming into her skull at full force. 

The more she panicked and let her fear show, the worse it would be, so she kept her face still as she stared at the arm and prepared herself for the blow. A loud crack echoed through the air, making both Jinx and the men holding her down jump. Jinx furrowed her brows and attempted to turn her head. She knew that sound, the deafening crack of gunfire, better than she knew the back of her hand. Someone had grabbed her gun. 

Another gunshot was fired, and the bullet whizzed past them, not even coming close to hitting anyone. Whoever it was, they were a shit shot, but the threat spooked the goons enough that they loosened their grip ever so slightly, and she was able to turn her head just in time to see a blur of green light flying towards them. 

The Firelights. Well, that was both good and bad. She’d rather be put down by the Firelights instead of Smeech or Piltover. At least the Firelights had earned some respect from her. Her eyes widened and her stomach twisted into knots as she spotted that white owl mask, though. Of course he was there. That alone was enough to make her head twist with conflict, but what made her even more anxious was the fact that he was alone. It wasn’t the Firelights, it was just him. Somehow, that made this whole situation worse. 

She watched as he reached for that pipe he always carried with him— the same pipe that he had used to beat and choke her less than a week ago. He lunged forward and hit two of the three goons hard against the head, knocking them out of the battle. Smeech snarled and nodded to the fool that still had her pinned. She was pulled forward and violently slammed into the wall again. She yelped as her already aching head made contact with the cracked brick once more, and this time her body felt concerningly heavy. 

Cold hands trailed up her bare stomach to her throat, and she was cut off from air before she even had the sense to fight back. She was going to die. If Smeech’s man didn’t kill her by bashing her skull in, she was pretty sure Vi’s pretty, Piltie girlfriend would have no problem putting a bullet in her skull and finishing the job when Smeech took her to cash in on his prize. She wondered if Vi would even be sad if she died or if she hated her enough that she would be glad to be rid of her. Her eyes burned with tears at those thoughts. As angry as she was, she missed her big sister. Once upon a time, Vi would’ve been there to rescue her, but now the odds were more likely that Vi would be standing side by side with her executioner. She let her eyes close, accepting her fate, only for the pressure on her throat to be released. 

Her eyes snapped open, and she watched as Smeech’s goon fell to the ground, joining the others in unconsciousness. She teetered forward, struggling to keep her balance and searched for signs of Ekko. Always the boy savior. 

Ekko flew past Smeech, taking a moment to closely survey the mechanics of his arm. The chembaron would be harder to take down than the idiots that worked for him, but he had no doubt that if he and Jinx worked together, Smeech wouldn’t stand a chance. Fighting side by side with Jinx was something he had never dared to imagine outside of his childish fantasies and dreams, but somewhere deep inside him, the little boy that had been infatuated with Powder was giddy at the thought of having her back at his side, even if it was only for a few minutes. 

When he saw Jinx pinned to that wall, he almost considered flying past and ignoring it. Jinx was like a cockroach, and she had a knack for getting herself out of tight spots. He had no doubt that she would find her way out of whatever mess this was. Even though he knew he should walk away, he decided to stay and watch, just in case. The first thing that had caught him off guard was her eyes. Gone were the beautiful, sparkling blue he had known his whole life, instead replaced with the radiant pink that he had grown to hate. Jinx was unstable enough without shimmer, he really didn’t want to see what she was like while on it, yet curiosity got the best of him. 

He stayed tucked on the rooftop, and watched as she thrashed and struggled against her assailant's grasp. He was almost ready to walk away and let her deal with the consequences of her actions for once, until he caught the shift in her eyes— the subtle fear and acceptance. After everything she had done, all the pain and death she had caused, he should’ve left, but he couldn’t bring himself to. There was always the lingering hope that maybe this would be the time he got through to her, and now that Silco was dead, maybe it really would be. 

He took down two of the guys who were holding Jinx down with one swing, but the other guy managed to dodge at the last second. In the time it took for him to soar past and turn the board around, he watched the guy slam Jinx’s head into the wall again. He flinched and leaned forward, driving the board faster, so he could knock out the fool and focus on Smeech. 

As soon as the guy was down, he flew past and focused his gaze on Smeech. He briefly glanced back at Jinx and reached for her pistol that he had stashed away in his coat pocket, preparing to toss it to her. She hadn’t moved from where she was leaning against the wall, and she still looked dazed— not a good sign. Blood bubbled and dripped from her nose and lips, staining her mouth crimson. Shit . She was in bad shape, but he wasn’t sure why, if she had shimmer in her system. He needed her help, but he wasn’t sure she was in a state to fight. He knew enough about head injuries to have heard the horror stories of people seizing or abruptly dropping dead. He had a lot of reasons to hate Jinx, but no matter how hard he tried to convince himself he wanted it, he could never forgive himself if he let her die. That’s why he stopped fighting on the bridge, and why, against his better judgement, he was there now. 

Jinx was leaning forward a little too far, clearly struggling to hold herself up. Ekko sighed, anticipating what was about to happen. He flew toward her, ready to catch her if she fell, and sure enough, as soon as he stepped off the hoverboard, her knees started to buckle. Ekko lurched forward to catch her, wrapping his arms firmly around her before she could crumple to the ground.

“Well, well, baby blue, never took you for a traitor. Guess that explains why you killed Silco, huh?” Smeech chuckled as he approached. 

Ekko went rigid as he processed the words. Jinx killed Silco.

Everyone had heard the news. The Undercity’s tyrant king was dead. There was no shortage of people waiting for Silco to keel over, either because they hated the things he did to Zaun, or because they wanted to take over his corrupt empire. If he had gotten the chance, he wouldn’t have hesitated to get rid of Silco. He never expected Jinx to be the one to kill him, though. She had been his loyal pet for years, and she never showed any signs of turning against him, at least none that Ekko had been able to see. 

He felt Jinx’s muscles tense, and before he could intervene, she roughly shoved him away and sneered at Smeech. He reached for her, trying to grab her hand and pull her away, but Jinx was having none of it. As soon as she heard Smeech words, she saw red– or rather, she saw pink . 

“You don’t know anything about me,” she snarled, her words slurring slightly.

There would be no talking her out of the fight, so Ekko gestured to get her attention, and tossed her the pistol as soon as she glanced toward him, praying she had enough coordination to catch it. She caught it one-handed, wasting no time before she turned to point it at Smeech. Her finger rested firmly on the trigger, and Smeech used his mechanical arms as a shield, the hands turning into whirring razor blades. She fired the gun, watching the bullet bounce and ricochet through the alley. 

Ekko jumped slightly and instinctively reached to cover his ears. Her manic laughter echoed, as she haphazardly waved the gun around. She was tired of everyone assuming they knew her. Smeech was a fool, Silco had always said so, and getting rid of him would be doing herself and the Undercity a favor. Besides, she had a reputation to uphold. Silco told her plenty about his methods for striking fear and respect into all those that dare talk down about him, but she had learned that the real way to make people fear you was unpredictability. She would never command the same respect that Silco did when people still saw her as a little girl, but they did learn to fear her volatility.  People liked to believe that they knew everything, that they could plan and outsmart anyone they met, Bastards like Smeech were especially cocky. She had learned that the best way to  beat those kinds of people was getting in their head. She reminded them that they were the ones with everything at stake. She couldn’t care less if she died, but unlike her, most people were sane enough to fear for their lives.  

“I warned you already, Smeech. Everyone who gets close to me dies, guess that includes you now, too,” she said sweetly as her lips twitched into a sinister grin. 

Ekko took her distraction as an opportunity, and flew behind Smeech, preparing to strike the yordle with his pipe. Smeech snarled and lunged toward Jinx, marking the start of the fight. She and Ekko moved as one as they tag-teamed Smeech. She dodged Smeech’s attack, albeit clumsily due to her injuries, but the goal was keeping his focus on her, so Ekko could attack from behind. They were an obnoxiously good team, Ekko moving in synchronization with her. Every time there was an opening, Ekko flew in close and took the swing. She kept her hand on her pistol, ready for any open moment to end the rat. As soon as he lowered his arms just enough to reveal the tiniest portion of his head, she took her shot. 

Truthfully, it was anticlimactic. That was why she tended to prefer explosions, at least then there was something cool to watch when her targets died. A simple bullet was too quick in her opinion. Good for when you want to die, not so good when your target is an enemy with a gang that would undoubtedly be hunting her down for this. Maybe Smeech’s goons wouldn’t care, but the chembarons would. It seemed that one by one she was unintentionally hunting them down. If she got to choose, Chross would absolutely be next, that guy had always given her the heebie-jeebies. 

Smeech fell to the ground and went still as his blood pooled on the cobblestone. Jinx blew the smoke from the barrel of her pistol, and tucked it away in her holster. Ekko was a whole other problem, but she wouldn’t be needing her gun to deal with him. 

“Oh, look who it is, the boy savior,” she purred as she stepped toward him, taunting him with her words from the bridge. She didn’t get why he was here. He could’ve let her get arrested or killed. She didn’t understand why he hadn’t killed her. 

“You know, you could’ve let me eat it– probably should’ve,” she muttered eerily as she reached for her belt, grabbing the knife that hung from her hip. She had stolen Silco’s knife when she stopped at The Last Drop to mope and talk to Sevika. It wasn’t her preferred weapon, but she didn’t want anyone else to take it. She wasn’t sure what her goal was; maybe in part to threaten him, probably more so to see if she could provoke him enough to kill her, and finish what he started on the bridge. There was a morbid poetry in the thought of Ekko killing her with Silco’s knife. She wrapped her fingers around the knife’s hilt, brushing her thumb over the initials carved in the wood as she sauntered toward him. 

Ekko took a step back, his brows furrowing from beneath his mask. He didn’t know what game she was playing. There were a million things he wanted to say, and even more questions he wanted to ask— primarily why she killed Silco and when she had started taking shimmer. He had a sickening feeling he knew the answer to the second question, though. It had only been a little over a week since their fight on the bridge. As far as he could tell when he checked on her after the explosion, she had been dying. Half her body had been burned to a crisp, she had been bleeding in more places than he could count from the chunks of debris that had embedded in her skin, and she had barely been breathing. He was sure she was going to die, and then, the next day, that rocket flew through the air— something only she could create— and their world turned upside down once more.

Despite the fact he had saved her sorry ass, here she was coming after him with a knife. He should’ve known better than to help her. Every single time he made an effort, it backfired, and he ended up getting hurt. He had lost countless friends because he was a fool and lost his focus during a fight, believing he saw glimpses of Powder. If it wasn’t his friends getting injured or killed, she would go straight for him, though not once had he gotten a serious injury from her. Sometimes he wondered if that was a coincidence or if there was a part of her hidden deep inside that act of insanity that did still care. 

She was a demon in an angel’s clothes as she closed the distance between them, her braids swaying hypnotically behind her. Logically, he should’ve gotten on his board and flown far, far away, but he had thrown logic out the door the moment he chose to save her. He wasn’t sure what she was going to do, and he wasn’t sure it mattered anymore, anyway. She could carve out his heart for all he cared. Janna knew she had already taken it from him years ago. 

“What are you doing?” Ekko finally found the sense to ask, his voice deep and distorted by the voice modulator in his mask. 

“Geez, would you take off that stupid mask? Nobody else is here, Ekko,” Jinx scoffed as she rolled her eyes. 

His name rolled off her tongue like it was the most normal thing in the world— like they were still best friends. His breath hitched, and he clenched his fist, trying to maintain his faux bravado for as long as he could because as soon as the mask came off, she would see right through him, just like he could see straight through her… most of the time. 

Ekko shook his head as he lifted his hands to his face and pulled the mask off. He glared at her, gritting his teeth as he eyed the knife in her hand. He couldn’t stop himself from carefully studying her face, searching for any signs of what she was thinking. Her cheeks were stained with streaks of dark makeup, like she had been crying, and her hair was a mess. Beneath her attempt at intimidation, she was exhausted, and he could see the emptiness in her eyes. 

“There. You happy now?” Ekko grunted as he tightened his grip around his pipe, just in case. If she was still Powder, his best friend, and the girl he had known better than anyone, he never would’ve imagined hurting her, but this was Jinx, and they called her the loose cannon for a reason. Years of bloodshed had taught him not to let his guard down, even when he wanted to. 

Jinx didn’t answer him, she just studied his face, noting all the subtle similarities and drastic differences from when they were kids. The bridge was the first time she had seen his face since they were kids. She hadn’t exactly had a lot of time to take in all the details, though, since they had been trying to kill each other and everything. His eyes were the part she couldn’t stand– the part that shattered her will to live on the bridge. As a kid, his eyes had always been so full of life and light, but that night, there had been nothing but hatred as his fist slammed into her face over and over again until she couldn’t think straight. It was her fault. Maybe in another life they grew up side by side, helping each other with all their projects and inventions, but that would never be this life. Now, his eyes were softer, but she could see his white knuckle grip on his pipe, and the tension in his jaw. He was ready for a fight if she started one. 

She was too tired to fight, though. Really, she was too tired to do much of anything, and her focus was faltering too as the sharp pain in her head continuously built up as her adrenaline drained away. 

“Why did you save me?” she finally asked. He had every reason to hate her. She had killed his people, taunted him, done everything in her power to make sure he hated her– to keep him away. Somewhere along the way, she started trying to convince herself that she hated him, too, but her heart always knew otherwise. She could never hate him. 

“You know, most people would just say thank you,” Ekko replied with a raised eyebrow. He was so used to her snarky quips and sarcasm, he figured he would play along. He furrowed his brows as he noticed the shift in her demeanor. There was no taunting grin, or cruel gleam in her eyes, she just looked tired. 

“Yeah, well, maybe I’ll thank you when you finish what you started on the bridge,” Jinx retorted, her grip on the knife loosening as she held it up in offering. 

Ekko’s eyes darted down to the knife in her hand. He had assumed it was a threat, a way to play with his head, but she had made no move to use it against him. His stomach twisted and his eyes went wide as he understood what she was suggesting. 

“See, this is why we were best friends. You always did know me better than anyone else,” she muttered with a sad smile. How did it come to this? 

Because of you. 

She flinched at the quiet whisper in her head. It was the first voice she had heard in days, but it wasn’t the ones she was used to. Instead of Mylo’s taunting, or Claggor and Vi’s disappointment, it was her own quiet voice. She quickly pressed the knife into his hands, looking up at him with regret glistening in her eyes. This was for the best. Her life was meaningless. There was no reason for her to stay anymore. She had fulfilled Silco’s goals and shown Piltover just how much of a threat Zaun could be, but she had no purpose anymore. She wasn’t cut out to be some political leader like Silco had been. She was a monster, and she needed to be put down before she could end up cursing anything else. 

“What are you doing?” Ekko asked, his voice wavering ever so slightly with concern. He reluctantly took the knife from her, if only to keep her from hurting herself. 

“Go on, get revenge for all your friends that I killed. Finish what you started,” she responded, her voice devoid of any meaningful emotion. She just wanted to rest. Everyone said whatever came after was better, and she was more than ready to have something better than the living hell she had been trapped in. 

“I’m not gonna kill you, Jinx. If I wanted you dead, I would’ve let Smeech take care of it,” Ekko said quickly as he slowly moved to hide the knife behind his back, afraid she was going to make a move to take it back from him.  

Jinx groaned in frustration and shook her head– a grave mistake. The sudden, rapid movement made her vision blur as sharp, stabbing pain tore through her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to find some relief for the horrible headache that plagued her, but it only seemed to get worse. Nausea bubbled in her chest, and she had to fight off the urge to vomit. She wouldn’t let herself look weak in front of Ekko. 

“Give it up on the whole hero act, Ekko. I know you’re smart, so take the fucking hint. Powder is gone. You can’t save her,” Jinx snarled as she glared at Ekko. He didn’t get to be a coward now. Why couldn’t he have just finished it on the bridge? She wondered if Ekko knew how much he and Silco had in common. They both had their ideas of how to save Zaun, and both of them refused to let her die for whatever stupid reason. 

She stumbled forward, her knees wobbling and threatening to buckle beneath her. Ekko stepped in to catch her and steady her. He could see the dark patch of blood that stained the back of her head, but he doubted she would let him examine it. She definitely had  a concussion, though. She needed to rest to keep the damage from getting worse. 

Jinx struggled weakly against his grasp, haphazardly fighting to get away from him, even though there was no chance she would be able to get herself to wherever she wanted to run off to. He suspected that even if she managed to get away, she wouldn’t make it more than a few steps before her body gave out on her. Whatever variant of shimmer she was on must be different than normal. Typically, the shimmer would keep her from feeling any of the effects of her injuries, then again, normally, shimmer turned the user into a grotesque mutilation of themselves, and she was just as beautiful as always. The only major differences he had noticed were her pale skin, completely drained of what little color she had, the prominent veins beneath her eyes, pulsing with purple, and of course, her owlish eyes that were completely devoid of the original blue he had known and loved. 

“Please just do it,” Jinx whined desperately, practically begging. How pathetic was she, sitting there begging her former best friend to drive a knife through her heart?

Ekko didn’t say anything, he just held her still, keeping her from collapsing to the ground. It would’ve been easy. One swift motion to plunge the knife into her chest. He would hold her as her blood spilled onto the ground, a payment for all those that she had killed. She was asking– no begging– him to do it, yet he couldn’t. 

Tears dripped down Jinx’s face as her head spun, making her vision blur and distort, turning the world into a dull kaleidoscope. She buried her face against his chest, pressing her forehead firmly against him in an attempt to soothe the pain, but nothing was working. She reached up and dug her sharp nails into her scalp, tugging harshly at her hair as if she could somehow pull the pain out of her head.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Ekko mumbled as he gently pulled her hands away from her head. He had never seen her like this. Sure, it was no secret that she was unstable. Anyone who had been in a fight with her had seen the way she would glance to the side like she was looking at things that weren’t there. He had seen her mumble under her breath a few times, or scratch at the skin on the side of her thumb, but he had never seen her this vulnerable and desperate. It made him question everything. How much of her cruel persona had just been an act to hide the fear and pain that clawed at her mind? 

Jinx pulled her hand away from his grasp. She leaned heavily against him, forcing herself to use his support to stay upright as she reached for the knife. If he wasn’t going to do it, then she would. She wasn’t sure her brain would let her plunge the knife into her chest, but she definitely had enough control to slice through her flesh until all the blood drained from her body. Ekko  kept the knife carefully out of her reach, though. She shrieked in frustration and weakly pounded her fist against his chest, she doubted it even made him flinch. 

“Why won’t you just do it? Everyone would be better off and you know it,” she whined as she continued her futile efforts to reach for the knife. 

Ekko dropped the knife to the ground, and immediately, she dove after it. He looped his arms under her, blocking her from reaching it, and he quickly kicked it across the alley. She was probably right, they would probably be better off without her. His people would be safer, and maybe Piltover would back off if they knew their wanted terrorist was dead. She had plunged Zaun into a war with an impulsive act of vengeance, and innocent people were going to end up paying for her crimes. He knew all of this, but he still couldn’t do it. Maybe he was holding on to the memories of the past, or maybe he was just a coward, either way, he couldn’t make himself kill her. 

“I hate you!” she screeched as she scratched at his arms and kicked at his legs, sacrificing all her energy to get away. Stupid, stupid boy savior. She didn’t want to be saved.

“Yeah, well, that’s nothing new,” Ekko sighed as he kept holding her back. She was going to exhaust herself and pass out. He had dealt with enough head injuries to recognize the signs of a concussion, and excessive stress wasn’t going to be doing her any favors in recovery. 

Pain flared in her head, making her vision fade at the edges and spot with black. Her body went numb, and slowly her struggle stopped as she slumped in his arms. Soft sobs wracked her body, cruelly pulling at Ekko’s heart. He had spent so long trying to convince himself he didn’t care about her, but it was a lot harder to pretend not to care when she was shattering in his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” she babbled in between her sobs as she tucked her head back against his chest. 

“I don’t hate you,” she whispered the confession, her words slurring together as she stared up at him through fluttering, half-lidded eyes. She was fading fast, and he doubted she would remember any of this when she woke up. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat, but he couldn’t find any words to respond or comfort her. He just held her as her breathing grew shallow and her eyes finally fell closed. 

……………………………………………………………………….

Jinx groaned in equal parts pain and rage as her consciousness returned, and her eyes stubbornly opened. She had hoped that maybe her brain had been so damaged that it killed her, but there she was, still very much alive, much to her chagrin. She squinted as she glanced around the dim room she had woken up in. She had no idea where she was, and that made her head spin, and veins burn with shimmer-fueled adrenaline. 

She scanned her surroundings, and realized she was on a couch in some sort of apartment. The place had clearly seen better days based on the wooden planks that covered the shattered windows, and the thick layer of dust that covered just about every surface in the room, except for the couch she was on. On the floor beside her was a makeshift bed made up of a hodge podge of ratty blankets and tattered pillows. She tensed and looked around the room, searching for whoever else had been staying there. The good news was, she wasn’t tied up, which meant whoever had taken her didn’t have ill intent. She sighed. That meant it could only be one person. 

“Ekko?” she croaked as she forced herself to her feet, swaying slightly as a wave of dizziness washed through her. Her throat was dry and sore, but she had bigger problems to deal with than being thirsty. 

Ekko tensed as he heard her raspy voice cut through the silence. He had slipped into the kitchen to work on getting the stove up and running so he could boil some water for them. Janna knows that, in general, the water quality in Zaun was sub-par, but in the sumps, it would be downright toxic. He set his tools down and quickly darted back to the living room where Jinx had been unconscious for the past two days. 

He sighed as he saw her standing, but still struggling to stay upright. Leave it to her to push herself too hard. At this rate, she was going to end up dead without him having to be her executioner. 

“Hey, blue, take it easy. You still have a concussion,” Ekko said as he stepped toward her, ready to catch her if she were to fall again. 

“I can take care of myself, boy savior,” Jinx snarled as she backed away from him. She didn’t want to talk to him. She didn’t want his kindness meant for a dead girl. It was no secret that he wanted Powder back, but she wasn’t Powder anymore, and she never would be.

She reached for her waist, instinctively searching for the familiar weight of her weapons belt, but her fingers brushed over the fabric of her pants instead, her belt absent. Immediately, she turned her gaze to Ekko, her eyes narrowed into angry pink slits. Not only was Silco’s knife missing, her gun was, too. She had no means of self-defense, and her anxiety sliced through her veins. Ekko wouldn’t hurt her, he had made that abundantly clear, but she needed to threaten him, to give him a reason to hate her once more so he would just leave her alone. 

“Where are they?” she hissed, prowling toward him like a cat hunting its prey. 

“I have them. Figured it wasn’t the smartest idea to let someone who was actively suicidal have access to lethal weapons, though,” Ekko answered without skipping a beat. He didn’t even blink as she inched toward him, he wasn’t scared of her. In all their battles, she had only drawn blood a few times, and never anything more than a small cut or scratch. If she wanted him dead, he’d be dead. Besides, he knew she didn’t remember what she had said, but he did. Underneath all that anger and bravado, a piece of her still cared. 

Jinx scoffed and rolled her eyes. Why was he so dead set on keeping her alive? It made no sense. Maybe he knew her better than she thought, and he knew this was the ultimate form of torture. She tried to think of a snarky remark, but her mind was still foggy and working slower than it should. As if the headache wasn’t bad enough, now she was losing her witty comebacks, too. 

“I’m trying to fix up the stove in the kitchen to boil some water for us, so can you please just sit down and not try to kill yourself?” Ekko sighed in exasperation. They had run out of their water supply several hours ago, and he knew that Jinx needed to drink. Trying to get fluids in her while she was unconscious had been a less than pleasant experience. He could hear the slight croaking and raspiness of her throat, though. She needed water, though he doubted she would ever admit that. 

“Last I checked, I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I told you to do it,” she shrugged as if that made any difference in the situation. 

“Right. So, suicide by homicide,” Ekko retorted with an eye roll. He raised his eyebrow and crossed his arm over his chest, waiting for her next move. She would never make this easy for him. It was more likely that she would let herself pass out than agree to sit down, but two could play her game. He had spent two days nursing her stupid ass back to health, and he wasn’t going to let all the time and resources go to waste. 

“I’m going to commit homicide if you don’t give me my stuff back,” Jinx snapped, her hands tensing at her sides. 

“Yeah, I’d like to see you try. You can barely stand straight,” Ekko snorted. With her weapons, she was a force to be reckoned with, but without them, she reminded him a lot more of the girl he had grown up with– all bark and no bite. He could take her down in one move, and they both knew it. 

Jinx closed the distance between them, her eyes flaring in frustration as he stood firm and unmoving. He wasn’t scared. She was weak, and whatever little had remained of her fearsome reputation was shattered. The Firelight leader had brought the mighty Jinx to heel. She could practically hear the obnoxious whispering about how Silco’s unhinged pet had a new master. That’s all they ever saw her as, maybe that’s all she was. The fight drained from her body, leaving her exhausted.

“How long was I out?” she asked as she teetered slightly, suddenly exhausted. She begrudgingly made her way over to the couch to sit back down. It was humiliating, but she figured it was less humiliating than fainting again like some pathetic damsel in distress. 

“Two days,” Ekko answered, studying her reaction. 

She gritted her teeth. With the turbulent state of the Undercity– a byproduct of her own actions– a lot of things could happen in two days. She wasn’t sure there was much for her to miss, though. Ekko was still there, which meant nothing too extreme could’ve happened. Part of her wanted to tell Ekko about Vi– to whine and complain like she used to do when they were kids and she was upset with Vi. What if he already knew, though? He had worked with Vi and her Piltie bitch before, whose to say he wasn’t working with them now? 

“Why are you so determined to die?” Ekko blurted the question before Jinx had the chance to organize her thoughts. She laughed bitterly at the question, shaking her head like it was the dumbest thing she had ever been asked. 

“Gee, Ekko, I don’t know. Maybe because I continuously kill the people I care about, my sister hates me, you–”  she groaned in frustration, clenching her fists as she turned away. 

“Did you really kill Silco?” Ekko asked softly, allowing her to maintain the distance between them. Ekko caught the way Jinx flinched, and her breath hitched. There was a long, suffocating pause, and Ekko expected Jinx to yell at her for even daring to ask about him. 

“Yeah,” she finally managed to answer, her voice cracking slightly. She kept her gaze glued to the floor, and she dug her nail into the sensitive skin on the edge of her thumb, tearing away the skin to feel something other than the nauseating guilt. 

“Why?” Ekko knew he was taking a risk by pushing her like this, but he wanted to know. As much as he wanted to hear her say that she realized how terrible Silco was, he knew better than to believe that delusion. She had been chained for Silco for too long to truly betray him. 

“It was an accident. I didn’t— I didn’t mean to shoot him,” she whispered shakily. She knew it wasn’t the answer Ekko was wanting, but it was the truth. If she had the power to, she would bring Silco back, and then Ekko would go back to having a reason to hate her. She knew that’s what this whole thing was really about. He was trying the same shit he had when they were kids, thinking he could save Powder, like she wasn’t the one who destroyed everything. He thought that since Silco was gone, he could swoop in and win her over, but that wasn’t how this worked. Her story didn’t have a hero, and it certainly didn’t have a happy ending. 

“Why do you even care? I’m sure you’re glad he’s dead,” Jinx hissed, shifting the interrogation back to Ekko, so she could retreat to the safety of the walls she had spent years building around her heart. 

Everyone else betrays us, Jinx. 

Oh, so now he decides to talk to her. Figures. She huffed and lifted her hand to rub her temples with her thumbs. She wasn’t sure that advice was very helpful anymore, given he was dead and all. Now, it just made her head spin with paranoia. Would Ekko sell her out to Vi and the Pilties? Would he take her back to the Firelights and string her up to burn her at the stake like the wicked witch they saw her as? Or, maybe he would kill her, but only after he managed to break through her walls, so her heart was bare and raw as he cut through it. 

“I won’t lie and say I’m sad he’s dead. He did terrible things, and I know, no matter how deeply he dug his claws into your head, that you’re smart enough to see that. I know you cared about him, though, regardless of how fucked up I think it all was, I’m sorry you have to deal with losing him,” Ekko answered honestly. 

Hot tears stung Jinx’s eyes, and she dug her nails into her palm, using the pain to keep the dam from breaking. She knew Ekko was right. Silco had turned her into a monster, she knew that, but he had loved her, too. He had ruined countless people’s lives, but so had she. They were two peas in a pod, or at least that’s what Silco had let her believe. Her doubts had only surfaced after his lies began to fracture and show. He had lied to her for years about Vi, feeding that doubt and grief until all that was left was anger and emptiness. Now, she had really ruined everything, and she would never get her big sister back. Shimmer was another thing she had never questioned. Silco told her it was their key to power, their threat to Piltover, and she believed him. She hadn’t questioned the impact it had on the people that used it until she was strapped down with syringe after syringe being pumped into her veins. She had screamed until she was hoarse, and she hadn’t known reality from hallucination for days after the procedure. Sometimes, she still wasn’t sure. It was only once she was strapped to that table, that she considered that she had been on the wrong side for all those years. 

Ekko watched purple tears stream down her cheeks, and he grimaced. He had seen a lot of side effects of shimmer and dealt with some severe addiction cases, but he had never seen this. Even now, days later without a single dose, her eyes remained that vibrant shade of pink. It was a dangerous move to push her with so many questions, but he needed to know. Slowly, he approached the couch, watching for any signs of tension or aggression. She stayed with her back toward him, her knees tucked close to her chest for a sense of comfort and safety. He sat down next to her, expecting her to snap at him or scoot away. His eyes widened in surprise as some of the tension drained from her shoulders, and she uncurled ever so slightly. 

He waited, giving her the chance to set the boundaries. If she was done with him for a while, he would leave her alone and ask about the shimmer later, but part of him hoped that she would turn around and look at him with those hauntingly beautiful eyes. Even though they weren’t the eyes he had once known so well, he was learning to appreciate their new form. As far as he was concerned, she could grow horns, fangs, and a tail, and he would still be entranced by her. 

Slowly, Jinx turned to face him, and fiery magenta met warm, caramel brown. He cautiously held out his hand, reaching over to touch her face. She watched him warily, flinching away slightly like a spooked animal before finally giving in and allowing him to cup her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed as she leaned into the touch. This was nothing more than a foolish fantasy, but it was nice to play pretend, even if only for a little bit. He let his thumb brush over some of the dark purple veins that spread like spiderwebs beneath her eyes. 

“What happened to you?” he whispered, afraid of the answer. On the bridge, her eyes had been the color of the sea during a hurricane– that dark, stormy mixture of blue and gray. Somewhere in between then and now, she had been drugged. Deep down, he knew that it was because of the bridge. He couldn’t think of a single other drug or piece of technology that was powerful enough to essentially bring someone back from the dead. The thought made his stomach churn, though. Facing that fact, meant facing the reality that, at least in part, he had done this to her. If he had moved faster and kicked the bomb away or found a way to calm her down and avoid the fight altogether, maybe things wouldn’t have ended up like this. 

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, boy savior,” she remarked wearily. Her skin itched with memories of painful needles digging deep into her flesh, shredding her veins as she thrashed and fought despite the excruciating pain. She squeezed her hands tightly, trying to distract herself. The more she thought about it, the more it felt like she was back in that dark lab. 

“You know, sometimes, talking helps. I know, at first, it seems like it’ll just make it worse– force you to remember things you’d rather just forget– but talking about stuff helps take some of the weight off you,” Ekko gently suggested, allowing her the space to decide. He had the feeling that she had a lot of decisions made for her by Silco, and he wanted to let her have the freedom to decide how much to tell him.

Jinx stared at the wall straight ahead of them, avoiding eye contact, or any sort of contact, with Ekko. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. He hated shimmer, wouldn’t he think she was a monster? Not that he didn’t already think that. How many of his people had she killed before the shimmer? She had never even made an effort to keep count, and now that fact haunted her. She had slaughtered them like animals. They were people with families and friends. How many people had been left behind to grieve them like she had grieved her family. Her stomach churned, and her breath picked up, her chest rapidly rising and falling as she struggled to pull air into her lungs.

“Shit,” Ekko muttered under his breath as he caught the shift from quiet reservation to pure panic. He leaned forward, letting his hand hover over her shoulder, unsure of whether she wanted to be touched. 

“Hey, you’ve gotta breathe. You don’t have to talk about it right now,” he reassured, deciding that caressing her face again was a safer bet than trying to touch her anywhere else. She pulled back from him, frantically shaking her head. The shimmer would always torment her, but right now, it felt like she was being dragged down by the ghosts of all the people she had killed. 

“How many?” she managed to squeak out in between her labored breaths. 

“What?” Ekko’s eyes furrowed in confusion as he tried to figure out what she was talking about. 

“How many of your people have I killed?’ Jinx muttered breathlessly as she looked at him with wide-eyed terror, like the reality of her actions had just now settled on her after years of manipulation and delusion. 

The blood drained from Ekko’s face, and a chill raced down his spine. Once upon a time, he had imagined screaming at her, dragging her in front of the mural to face what she had done, to see the faces of all the people she had killed, but right now, she looked terrified, and he couldn’t put that weight on her– at least, not right now. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Ekko replied quickly, probably too quickly.

“How many?” Jinx repeated, firmer. Her shaking voice teetered on the edge of hysterical. 

Ekko pressed his lips together. Truthfully, he wasn’t even sure of the exact number that she had killed. They tried to focus on remembering the person, not the way they died. Telling her, especially right now, wouldn’t do anything except send her further down this spiral. What was done was done. Neither of them could bring all those people back, so all they could do was rewrite the future in hopes of less bloodshed. 

Jinx gritted her teeth in frustration. She needed to know, but he wouldn’t tell her. Why spare her feelings? She deserved to suffer. 

“The girl with the pink hair. What was her name?” Jinx changed tactics, knowing exactly where to hit Ekko. She had seen his reaction to plenty of other deaths, but that girl had drawn more of a reaction from him than most of the others– they must’ve been close. 

Ekko tensed. He knew she was trying to play with him, to push his buttons, get him to snap. 

“I’ll tell you about her, if you tell me what happened to you,” Ekko offered. It was a simple deal, an exchange of information. He would answer her question if she answered his, both of them facing the painful pieces of the past few weeks. 

Jinx blinked. He was too calm. She wanted him to yell at her, and treat her like the demon she was, yet there he was trying to spare her from the horrors of her actions. She clenched her jaw and balled her hand into a tight fist. 

“Silco found me on the bridge after, you know. He just couldn’t let me die– I guess you two have that in common– and he took me to the doctor and let him pump me full of shimmer. There, you happy?” Jinx grumbled, purposefully leaving out all the gory details. 

“Her name was Eve,” Ekko said after a long pause indicating that Jinx wouldn’t be elaborating any further. He gave Jinx the bare minimum, just like she had given him– a basic answer to her question. 

“Was she your girlfriend or something?” Jinx pressed, a faint flicker of jealousy sparking in her eyes. She wasn’t sure why it hadn’t crossed her mind before, but it would make sense wouldn’t it? Ekko was… attractive. She couldn’t deny that. He had grown up, grown into his body and built up his confidence, and anyone who didn’t look twice was a fool. Not to mention, he was the Firelight leader. She imagined he had probably had his fair share of girls chasing after him. In another life, she wouldn’t have had to chase, he would’ve been hers. In this life, he definitely wasn’t hers, and she would never stoop low enough to chase after him like some lovesick puppy. 

Ekko fought the urge to immediately deny the taunting assumption. He took a deep breath, and collected his thoughts. He had to use this little game to break through her defenses. For every question she asked, she had to answer one. 

“What really happened with the shimmer?” Ekko pried, raising one of his eyebrows expectantly. 

“I asked you first,” Jinx snarled, narrowing her eyes in annoyance. She knew what Ekko was doing. He always was her perfect partner– a match of her personality and intellect. 

“Yeah, well, you know I’ll answer, but if I answer first, I don’t think you will,” Ekko shrugged. 

“So, you don’t trust me,” Jinx growled, visibly slipping back behind the walls she spent so long building up. Ekko caught the way she tensed, and he changed his approach. He had worked too hard to make it this far with her, he wasn’t going to screw it up with some stupid game. 

“She wasn’t my girlfriend. I’ve never– whatever, that’s not important. She and Scar were the first friends I made after everything happened, and they were the ones that helped me build up the Firelights. Eve was like a sister to me,” Ekko explained, taking the leap to trust her. If she didn’t answer, he would let it go, clearly whatever had happened to her was pretty traumatic, and a part of him wasn’t sure he even wanted the details. He pretended not to notice the way the jealous flare melted from Jinx’s eyes as he explained his relationship with Eve. He tried to brush it off as a product of his imagination, but he knew it wasn’t. She had been jealous thinking about him having a girlfriend. The eager little boy that still lived deep inside him wanted to hope for her to share his feelings, but even if she did, things were too complicated. They would never work– not in this life. 

Jinx raised an eyebrow, somewhat surprised he had given in that easily. Admittedly, she was glad to hear that he had never had a girlfriend. It was stupid and petty– probably just some dumb side effect of her hormones– but she was relieved. She had never really had time to consider romance, especially not when her only male company was Silco and his goons. Nobody had ever really caught her attention before, anyway, at least not before Ekko. 

Originally, she had been planning to refuse to talk. She didn’t want to go through the memories and details of that day, but she had made a deal, and he had trusted her. She knew this fragile peace would never last, but the least she could do was savor it before the illusion shattered. In a world where she had always lived on the edge, paranoid that everyone was conspiring against her, and wishing for her downfall and failure, it would be nice to trust someone for once. 

“I don’t remember getting there. Maybe I was dead or maybe I was just unconscious, who knows, who cares,” Jinx shrugged as she snorted bitterly. 

“When I woke up, I was strapped to a metal table– I couldn’t move. At first, I didn’t really know what was happening. I was hallucinating Vi and her stupid girlfriend, and I thought they were the ones hurting me, but then things started going in and out of focus as the doctor injected more and more of the shimmer. Name a body part, and he probably put a needle in me there. It hurt . All I wanted was for it to stop. I just wanted to die– I was supposed to die. The worst was the needle behind my ear. I think I’d rather be blown up a hundred times then go through that again.” Jinx took a nervous breath as she instinctively raised her hand to touch the tender area behind her ear. She flinched, remembering the sharp sting and scorching burn of the drug being pushed into her brain. 

“I passed out again after that, I think my brain just kind of stopped working. When I woke up again, the restraints had been removed, and I didn’t even think, I just ran. All I knew was that I had to get out.” Her voice trembled with fear. She hadn’t even taken a moment to make sense of her surroundings or look at all of the other abominations the doctor had created. She figured now she was one of his mutants, but at least she had managed to get out. 

Ekko’s eyes were wide with horror. She hadn’t been saved, she had been tortured. Now, her pleas for death made a little more sense. After everything she’s been through, he would want to die, too. He opened his mouth just to promptly close it again. There were no words to be said. No apology would erase what had been done to her. 

“I went back for you after the bomb went off,” Ekko recounted. He knew there was no point in telling her the information now, he had left her there anyway, but it felt like something she needed to know. It seemed better than a meaningless apology. 

“Why?” she asked, her face blank of emotion. Her heart ached for him to say that he cared, that even after everything, he still cared about her. She didn’t deserve that, though, and she knew it was stupid to even think that. It made far more sense that he had gone back to make sure she was dead. 

“I wanted to take you with me. I sprained my ankle, though, and my hoverboard broke, so there was no way I could get both of us off that bridge alive. Then, Silco showed up, and I had to jump off the bridge so I didn’t get caught,” he explained, recalling some of the details of that night. There were plenty more things he kept to himself, like the scent of her charred flesh burning his nostrils, or the way her lungs had rattled with every breath. Those were memories to haunt his own mind, she had enough nightmares for several lifetimes with everything she had been through. 

“It wouldn’t have mattered. I would’ve died,” Jinx replied, brushing off his clear remorse and sympathy. 

“Yeah, probably,” Ekko mumbled as he let his eyes wander over the smoke tattoos that decorated her arm. Some of them were distorted from burn scars that had been forcibly healed with shimmer. He wondered what long-term effects the amount of shimmer that had been forced into her would have. Normal doses of shimmer were highly addictive, and deadly in high doses, but what had been done to her was something else entirely. She should be dead, or at least brain dead, with the amount of the poison that was in her, yet she was alive. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re alive, Jinx,” Ekko murmured. He couldn’t imagine his life without her, even if it was from opposite sides of the battlefield. 

Tears dripped down Jinx’s cheeks. She inched closer to him, closing the gaping distance. Her eyes scanned his face, darting down to his lips and lingering for a moment too long. Being around him like this did strange things to her head, or maybe it was just a side effect of the concussion. 

Ekko caught her stare, and his heart leaped out of his chest. He reached over to push her bangs out of her face, letting his thumb lightly brush across her pouty bottom lip. She gasped softly, leaning in closer. Her lips parted slightly as she waited, waiting for him to make the first move– to carve out her heart and steal it to keep in a jar all for himself. Maybe this was why she had never cared about anyone else before. Maybe a piece of her had always known that he was the only one capable of breaking through her walls of thorns and stone. 

He was half sure that this was a hallucination. He was scared that if he blinked she would vanish and slip through his fingers like the smoke that adorned her skin. There were a million reasons why he shouldn’t be doing this, but the few reasons why he should won the battle in his mind. He knew better than to think this would be a permanent thing. He may never get this chance again. For all he knew, after today, he may never see her again. That thought was enough to drive a dagger through his heart, forcing him to lean forward, and pull her in as their lips crashed together. 

They were clumsy and unpracticed, like it was their first time trying to build a new invention. There were still kinks to work out, and things to learn– lessons learned quickly as they gave in and surrendered to each other. Ekko had expected Jinx to be more cocky, but she was cautious and hesitant, always ready to pull away and flee from him. He took charge, as much as she would let him, and one hand rested on her hip, keeping her close, while the other gently held her face. Kissing her reminded him of nightshade– sweet and deadly. If he wasn’t careful, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop. He could  just stay here like this until the air faded from his lungs, and his brain shut down. How could he possibly let it end when there was no promise of tomorrow? 

Jinx wasn’t good at surrendering control. Trust had been ingrained in her head as a weakness– something that would be used against her. Silco always told her she could never trust anyone except him, but gods, how she wanted to let herself trust Ekko. It wasn’t like she had anything left to lose. He was the last thing she had left, and if he stole whatever remained of her mind, body, and soul, she would gladly give it up to him. She parted her lips for him, and let her eyes flutter closed. He was like a warm, apple pie on a bright fall afternoon. He was almost too sweet, too perfect. She didn’t want to corrupt and poison him with her darkness, but she had always been a selfish creature, and all she wanted was to be his. 

She eagerly shifted, crawling forward, and climbing into his lap. It was a bold move, one driven by instinct more than anything. She felt her head start to spin as their lips stayed locked together, and Ekko ran his fingers through her hair. A soft moan slipped from her lips, and her cheeks burned red. She quickly broke away from him, her chest heaving as she took a series of deep breaths. She was out of her element, and her fragile mind was being bombarded with too many feelings all at once. 

Coming to terms with her feelings for Ekko was a lot to process on its own. Sure, she had always known that deep down she cared about him, but this was different. As kids, she remembered Mylo teasing Ekko for having a crush on her, but she had been too young to really understand the feeling. Back then, Ekko had just been Ekko– her best friend. Now, she was hyperaware of the way his eyes tended to linger on certain parts of her body, and her eyes were drawn to him, even when she didn’t want to look at him. Being with him made her chest ache with anticipation, like something bad was about to happen, but instead, all he did was bring good into her life. 

“Hey, you okay?” Ekko asked breathlessly, his brows furrowed with concern. He searched her face for a hint of what she was thinking, but she had already started to rebuild those walls. 

“I’m gonna screw things up, that’s what I always do,” she stated, her eyes darting away from him. 

“So what? I screw up all the time, Jinx, everyone does,” he reassured, brushing his thumb over her cheek and down to her chin.

“You don’t get people killed,” she whispered, her voice full of pain, regret, and fear. She was scared of getting him killed, too. That was why she had attempted to push him to kill her– why she had spent so many years trying to make him hate her. At least, if she was dead, she wouldn’t be able to hurt him. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Jinx. You’re not gonna hurt me,” Ekko replied confidently. There had been hundreds of opportunities for her to kill him, yet she never went through with it. Most of the time, she tended to avoid directly fighting him. 

“What if I do, though?” There was a time when she would have never imagined hurting, much less, killing Silco, but she had. Her mind was a mess, full of cracks and fractures that she didn’t know how to fix. Wasn’t that ironic? Vi had always told her she could fix anything, but she had broken everything instead, and this was something she couldn’t just put back together. How long would it be before something triggered her, leaving her dazed and confused between reality and cruel fantasy? How long would it be before she lost her shit and pulled the trigger on Ekko, too?

“Then, it’s on me. I knew the risks, and I was willing to take them,” he whispers, pulling the burden of blame from her shoulders. It wasn’t fair to let her carry that weight alone. 

“Not everything bad thing that has happened to us is because of you. If you want to keep going by Jinx, that’s your choice, but you are not a curse ,” Ekko stated firmly as he tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes were glowing faintly, illuminating her cheeks with a warm pink as she solemnly stared up at him. 

Toxic purple tears streamed down her face. She laughed bitterly as she sniffled and wiped her face, though it did nothing to stop the tears that continued to build in her eyes. Did he even know what had really happened that day? Did he know that she was the reason they were dead? He wouldn’t be so quick to forgive her if he knew what she had done. 

“I’m the reason they’re dead. Mylo, Claggor, Vander, I killed them. My bomb killed them,” Jinx blurted as she choked back sobs. For once, she didn’t hear their voices. They had been too quiet since Silco died. In a way, as horrible as they were, it felt like losing them again. How would she remember what they looked and sounded like if they weren’t there to taunt her? She deserved the eternal torment– a punishment for her crimes. 

Ekko froze, his heart sinking. He hadn’t known all the details. All he had known was that they left to go rescue Vander, but none of them ever came home. He thought Silco killed them and kidnapped Powder. That was the story he spun in his head until he tried to rescue her that day when they were thirteen and fourteen, and she told him she willingly stayed with Silco. Even then, though, he had believed that Silco was the one who had killed them. It made a sickening amount of sense, though. Suddenly, her insistence to go by Jinx made a lot more sense– Mylo had been the one to give her that name, after all. 

“You were a kid, Jinx. What happened that night wasn’t your fault,” he said, unable to hide the shaking of his voice. There were a lot of things he could hate and blame her for, but this wasn’t one of them. She had just been a kid trying to help her family. Inventions backfire all the time. She hadn’t known what would happen. 

“If I–” Jinx didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence before Ekko cut her off. 

“Stop. You’re gonna drive yourself crazy if you go down the rabbit hole of ‘what ifs’. We can’t change what happened, but we can rewrite our future,” Ekko interjected as he wiped a stray tear away. Janna knows that he had spent years dwelling on everything he could’ve done differently– all the choices he had made that contributed to the destruction of their family. He was the one that started it all. He told them about the lab on Topside, and put the job idea into Vi’s head. If they had listened to Vander and Benzo, maybe everyone would still be alive. He had to learn to let it go, though. He couldn’t turn back time, so he had to focus on the future. 

“I think it’s a little too late for that, I already am crazy,” she snorted as she leaned back in. His eyes never left hers, almost like he was hypnotized by their soft glow. This time, she leaned in first and gently pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting her bottom lip drag across his soft skin as she moved back down to capture his lips again. 

Ekko tightened his grip around her, and eagerly returned the kiss. Jinx wrapped her arms around his neck, her nails digging into his back, drawing him impossibly closer to her. That fuzzy feeling in her mind and body returned as her skin flushed with heat. She squirmed anxiously as tension rippled through her body. If something was wrong with her, she was certain that he was her cure. She pressed her chest to his, and wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, desperate for any form of contact with his body– any warm touch. 

She loosened her grip around his neck, letting her hands wander down his body, feeling the way his muscles tightened beneath her touch. He was just as affected by her as she was by him. Her hands trailed down to his hips, and her eyes widened as she felt the familiar wooden hilt of Silco’s knife. Her eyes darkened, her mind clouding with intrusive thoughts as she carefully pulled the knife from its sheath, making Ekko’s breath hitch in panic.

“What are you doing?” Ekko whispered frantically, the concern evident in his voice as he tore away from the kiss. He was an idiot. He should’ve hidden it away from her. She wouldn’t hurt him, that much he was sure of, but she absolutely would hurt herself. He recognized the dark, distant look in her eyes, and he didn’t like it one bit. 

“Relax, boy savior,” Jinx teased as her lips twitched into a sly grin. There was a way for them to both win. He didn’t have to kill her, she had already accepted that was a battle she would never win. She had never had the guts to kill him, and he didn’t have the guts to kill her– what pathetic enemies they were. He could hurt her, though, just enough to soothe the overwhelming feelings that buzzed in her head. She reverently pressed the knife into Ekko’s hand, surrendering control to him. She had never been the one in control here, anyway. 

“You know,” Jinx hummed, “that’s Silco’s knife.” 

She watched as angry recognition flashed in his eyes, and his hand clenched firmly around the knife, turning his knuckles white. More importantly, though, his grip on her waist tightened possessively, as if somehow Silco would rise from the dead just to steal her away from him and lock her away in a tower like some tortured princess. 

“Why–” 

It was Jinx’s turn to interrupt him. She captured his lips in a quick, chaste kiss, cutting off his words. 

Ekko’s head was spinning, reeling with too many emotions he couldn’t even attempt to name. What game was she playing? Why tell him that now? He couldn’t complain, though, as her soft lips found his once more, and his head went blank. He had never dared to touch drugs or alcohol, he had seen first-hand the horrible things they could do to a person’s mind and body, but if this feeling came at all close to the rush of a drug high, he understood why people got addicted so easily. With every kiss, he wanted more, more, more of her, but even in this blissful illusion, she wasn’t his. Eventually, he would wake up from whatever lovely dream this was, and she would be gone. For now, though, he would do whatever it took to make her stay. 

“What game are you playing, Jinx?” he muttered breathlessly as he pulled away from her intoxicating kiss. 

She reached over to lazily trace over the Firelight symbols that decorated his jacket. God, Silco would be

rolling in his watery grave, but she wasn’t sure she cared– not right now, anyway. Her mind vacillated between the hollow ache of remembering he was gone, that she had killed him, and the boiling frustration of knowing he had lied to and manipulated her. It’s not like he was here to do anything to them anyway. There would be no scolding, unless he ended up joining the cacophony of the other ghosts in her mind, and a dead man was no threat to Ekko. 

Her fingers gently wrapped around Ekko’s hand, guiding the knife to her shoulder. The sharp tip dug into her fragile skin, but she didn’t even flinch. There wasn’t much that could really hurt her anymore. The worst pain she endured wasn’t the kind you got from marks on your skin. 

“Make me yours,” she whispered, her voice almost a purr. Her eyes were dark and heavy with desire, as her gaze darted between his eyes and the knife. She knew that her heart belonged to him, but now he would know, too. 

Ekko took a deep breath as he pressed the tip of the knife– Silco’s knife– into her soft flesh, drawing out a few droplets of deep crimson blood. He was hesitant to go all in, but she told him to. He didn’t want to hurt her, but this was something different, an act of devotion– of possession. Jinx wasn’t one to surrender herself to people, yet there she was, watching him with pupils blows so wide they almost entirely swallowed the shimmer that tainted her irises. She would never really be his. Her soul was too wild and restless in this world, and he knew that one day, one way or another, she would slip away, far beyond his reach. Maybe the mark would be a reminder of this moment– of them– but her heart and soul would never fully be his. 

He used the blood that oozed from the small cut he had made to trace the outline of the Firelight symbol– his symbol. He had chosen an hourglass as a reminder that there was no such thing as too late. There was always an opportunity for second chances. Jinx disagreed with him. He wanted to shake Jinx, to rattle her brain until she understood, or at least mindlessly nodded along, and agreed to go with him, to try to start over. He knew she wouldn’t, though. She believed she was a lost cause, and how were you supposed to save someone who didn’t want to be saved? How was he supposed to save her from herself? 

Jinx waited expectantly for the sting of the blade slicing through her. Call her a masochist, but she learned years ago that the one thing that helped clear her head when she felt like she was going to snap and float away from reality was pain. In her worst moments, when the ghosts were screaming so loudly she couldn’t even hear herself think, pain would be the catalyst to shut them up. Sometimes, a quick hit to her head or tug on her hair was enough to dull the noise, other times it took more extreme measures. This time was different, though. There were no demons screeching in her ear, in fact, all she could hear was the sound of her and Ekko’s heavy breathing. This all felt too good to be true, though. Her head clouded with the threat of dissociation, but she couldn’t waste this time with him. She needed to stay there, to be his. 

Ekko carefully dug the blade deeper into her, pulling a gasp from her lips as the sharp sting hit her nerves. It was nothing compared to the shimmer surgery. She was pretty sure all physical pain was dulled in comparison to the genuine torture that had been forced upon her. This was just a small sting, enough to make her body aware of what was technically an injury, but not nearly enough to make her regret her decision. 

“You okay?” Ekko asked, pausing and lifting the knife away from her. 

“You really think a little cut is gonna hurt me, boy savior?” Jinx chuckled airily. It wasn’t quite the cruel, manic laughter he had grown used to, but it wasn’t the laugh he had known from their childhood– her real laugh– either. It was something in between, a mixture of Jinx and Powder. 

“I just wanted to make sure,” he responded as he gently caressed her face. 

He was too good to her. She would never deserve him, but it was nice to pretend that there was a world where she did. Maybe, just for now, she could pretend to be Powder– that was who he really loved, anyway. She was nothing more than an imposter. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A devil wearing an angel’s skin. He was deluded by her, and just for now, she would let him be. She was his, but he wasn’t hers– he couldn’t be. Where he was warmth and light, like a perfect summer day, she was all the cold and darkness in the world– the kind of day everyone dreaded, that ended in death. 

She pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead and then shifted to rest her head on his shoulder as he finished carving the symbol into her skin. Heat rushed to her cheeks as more blood spilled, and she shuddered as the blade dragged across her skin. 

As he finished, he pulled his orange scarf over his head to wipe away the excess blood. Already, he could see tiny purple fibers mixing with her blood, trying to knit her skin back together. He wondered if it would even leave a scar or if in a few hours it would be like it never happened at all. He was the one that left his symbol engraved on her, yet he was the one that felt like he had permanently bound his soul to hers. He leaned in, letting his lips graze over the rapidly healing marks, as he pressed a kiss over it. 

She glanced down, frustrated to see the marks already starting to fade away. What would it take to leave a real mark on her now that she was practically invincible? Maybe it was the world’s cruel way of reminding them that they could never really be together. She would never be his. She would never belong with him. 

Tears burned her eyes, and gods, she was so tired of crying. It felt like all she had done since Silco died and Vi left for good was cry, cry, cry. She lifted a shaky hand to her shoulder and clawed at the marks, reopening what had attempted to heal, and deepening the wounds that remained as she sobbed. 

Ekko quickly pulled her bloodied hand away from her shoulder. He held her hands still as he wrapped his scarf around her as a makeshift bandage. The last thing he needed was for her to get an infection from tearing her own skin apart. She slumped against him, her forehead resting against his shoulder as she cried, her tears soaking his shirt. He rubbed soothing circles onto her back, comforting her in the only way he could. 

He was quickly learning that words got nowhere with her. Jinx was different from Powder, not because they were different people like she pretended and tried to convince him, but because time had been anything but kind to them, and as a result they had grown and changed. While Powder had soaked up any reassuring words that were thrown her way, Jinx refused to accept any kindness. As much as it made his heart ache, he knew he couldn’t convince her otherwise, at least not tonight. To an extent, he understood her. He wasn’t the same boy he had been back then, either. Their cruel world had hardened him, and stolen the childhood he should’ve had– the childhood he was determined to make sure other kids got. Even from a distance– from across a battlefield and an emotional chasm they would never fully be able to cross– they had grown up together, and for now, they had found their way back together, no matter how fleeting the moment was. 

Her tears had nothing to do with the wound on her shoulder, he knew that as well as she did. Her tears were for the life they could’ve had, for the brothers she had killed, for the fathers she had killed, and for the sister she had driven away once again. Her body rattled with her sobs as she let herself mourn everything that she had lost, and all the people she had taken. 

When her breathing finally slowed, she took a deep, trembling breath as she allowed herself to look up at Ekko. 

“Stay with me,” she whined pathetically. She knew he wasn’t going to go anywhere, not with how stubborn he was being about keeping her alive, but she still needed to know she wouldn’t be alone. She was destined to be alone, and she better than anyone knew she couldn’t change fate, but just for tonight, she wanted to be with him one last time. 

“I’m never gonna leave you, Jinx,” Ekko answered firmly. He knew this wouldn’t last, but he wouldn’t be the one to walk away. He had left her too many times already, he wouldn’t do it ever again. 

That’s why she would have to leave him.

They couldn’t stay in that abandoned apartment forever. He had a community to lead. He needed to go be a hero for people he could actually save. Without Silco around, Ekko and his bugs could rebuild Zaun into a better place. She trusted him to do that. He was a good leader, and once Piltover had her head on a platter, and the world was freed from her curse, his job would be all the easier. She had her own responsibilities to face, too. She had her own fantastic funeral to plan: a final ‘fuck you’ to Piltover, and a final goodbye to her beloved hated big sister. 

If all went according to plan, this would be the last time they ever saw each other. He didn’t need to know that, though. The least she could do was leave him with some good memories from their last night together, a kindness for all the times he had tried to save her. Or, maybe this was the cruelest thing she could’ve done. He had come to expect heartbreak with her, but it was always loud and explosive, like the persona she tried so hard to maintain. This time, the heartbreak would be silent and cold. He would wake up in the morning as her warmth faded away, and he would realize she was gone. She wouldn’t leave a note or say goodbye, she would just slip out the door leaving nothing but memories and a few stray tears behind. 

For tonight, though, she snuggled closer to him, burrowing into his chest, craving his warmth. Ekko shrugged off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. The next time she peeked up at him, his hand drifted to cradle the back of her head, and he leaned down to press his forehead against hers. 

“I love you, Jinx,” he whispered. He had to say it before their time ran out. 

Jinx’s breath hitched, and her heart skipped a beat like a broken clock as it pounded heavily in her chest. He shouldn’t have said it. How could he love her after everything she had done? She bit down hard on her lip, forcing her mouth to stay closed. Would saying it back be a comfort or torture? She did love him, that had never changed, but her love was poison. Would those words seal his fate if her plan failed? If she managed to survive the next few days, would his life be the sacrifice? 

“I can’t–” she whimpered. “I can’t say it back.” 

“But I do,” she mumbled almost imperceptibly under her breath, as if she could trick the universe with the work around. She knew those words from her mouth were as good as a death sentence, but she needed him to know. This was the last chance she would ever get. 

“I know,” he replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He hadn’t expected her to say it back, this was the closest he would ever get to hearing those words from her. 

She laid back against him, resting her head on his chest with her ear pressed against the space where his heart resided. He wondered if there was even anything left to hear. He had a feeling that come morning, whatever remained of his heart would shatter into thousands of pieces that could never be repaired. 

He knew what was coming. He knew that she would leave– she always did. 

For now, though, he held her close as her eyes grew heavy and began to close. In the morning, they would go back to being strangers, but for tonight, they would savor each other’s warmth and company for as long as they could. She faded fast, her eyes drooped shut as she snored softly. He did everything in his power to fight off the exhaustion and force his eyes to stay open. He knew she would leave once she woke up, and he wanted to at least have the chance to say goodbye. 

He did what he could to keep himself busy– taking the time to carefully rebraid her impossibly long hair so it was one less thing for her to worry about, and tracing the outline of each smoke cloud that decorated her arm and waist. Sleep won the fight in the end, though, and his eyes fell closed as he rested his chin on the top of her head. 

In the morning, Jinx woke up before any faint slivers of sunlight had the chance to creep down to Zaun. The room was dark, and for once, she was grateful for the dim glow of her eyes as she carefully climbed off of Ekko. She slowly slipped Silco’s knife out of Ekko’s pocket and retrieved her belt and gun from the shattered stone counter. Her stomach was tight with knots of guilt, but this was for the best. 

She should’ve just walked out the door without sparing a second glance, but she couldn’t help herself. Before she could think better of it, she quietly snuck across the room and knelt down to press a kiss to his forehead. 

“I’m sorry for everything,” she whispered, knowing he wouldn’t hear her words. 

She quickly made her way back to the door before he woke up or the regret consumed her and convinced her to stay. She slowly opened the door, flinching as it creaked. Her nerves settled slightly when she saw that Ekko was still asleep. It was better for both of them that she wasn’t there when he woke up– that’s what she had to keep telling herself. 

“Bye, boy savior,” she said to herself as she stepped through the door. 

She turned back, one last time, to see him peacefully asleep on the couch. A tear dripped down her cheek, staining the rotted wooden floor. 

“I love you, too.”