Chapter Text
The first time Genya finds the flowers, he thinks he has made a mistake.
They’re blue, so blue, like the best sky ever, that he thinks he is dreaming. He squats, palms digging into the dirt, and looks closely at them. He squints, and the stalks blur in and out. In and out, and then in. He sticks out a hand, brushing over the patch, to see if they are real.
“Nii-chan!”
They’re real. And for a few seconds, they’re his. The whole patch, all to himself. They’re so small and pretty, so delicate too, that he feels a little embarrassed. Maybe he’s hungry, or hasn’t had enough sleep. That’s why he’s acting like this. Smiling at pretty blue buds like a girl, even though he’s a big boy.
“Genya!”
Nemi is hunched, readjusting his sling so Koto doesn’t fall off his back. He’s short, so the sling doesn’t fit him that much. Koto chews on the sleeve of his shirt. Because he’s so small, he runs really fast. He’s faster than the wind itself. He bounds up the hill, frowning at the spiked petals, the strands hanging like spider legs.
“They’re nice, I guess,” he says with a shrug. “Never seen anything like them.”
For a while they stay here, waiting, as the morning sun comes up. Just then, Genya’s stomach starts to rumble. It gurgles and growls, makes his insides feel funny, and then Nemi’s tummy growls too. Their eyes trail back to the patch, to the flowers. They look again, different this time. Genya starts thinking a very bad thought.
“Do you think we can eat them, Nii-chan?”
At once, he feels like smacking himself. How dare he ask such a bad thing. How dare he try eating such beautiful things, even if he’s very hungry. To his shock, Nemi doesn’t tell him to shut up. He crouches down, stares even closer. He plucks off a petal, puts it on his tongue.
“They’re… good for eating. I think.”
And so they eat. Knees on the ground, hands pulling up roots, shoving leaves into their mouths. Today, Genya thinks, may be a full-belly day. He really likes full-belly days. The flowers are nice, but they taste even nicer. Kind of like really good grass. Nemi leans in, bunching stems with his fists, stuffing them into his pockets.
For Kaa-chan, Genya realises, gulping. For Teiko, Hiroshi and Sumi. And then he thinks further, a chill down his spine.
“When’s Otou-san coming back?”
Nemi swallows.
“Don’t know,” he says, staring up at the sky. His fingers clench, in and then out. “Don’t know,” he repeats, spitting hard on the mud. “Don’t know, don’t fucking care.”
At the harsh word, Koto lets out a wail. Nemi turns back, his face guilty. He lifts Koto up, puts him into his arms, wraps them around the boy’s back. He takes out a blossom, half-crushed in a ball. Slips it into Koto’s mouth.
“Shhh,” he whispers, more softly this time. “Don’t cry. Be good for Nemi.”
Nemi is sweet, Genya thinks to himself. He’s sweet, like the flowers they’re eating. But Koto still cries, and it’s not good enough. Nothing they do is enough. Otou-san’s not back - hasn’t come back for days. Otou-san’s the one with the money. They don’t have no money, and that means no food. Genya doesn’t like having no food.
“What if he never comes back, Nii-chan?” he asks, his voice trembling. He tries to keep calm, but the words tumble out. He’s scared. He’s really scared. What if they can’t find the flowers next time? What if there’s no more next time? “What if he’s left us forever this time? What if he’s left us to -”
“Genya.”
Nemi’s hand is on his cheek. There’s tears on his palm. “Look at me,” he says quietly. “Tell me, what is our name?”
Purple. Nemi’s eyes are purple. They’re purple, just like his own. The answer lands quick, before Genya can think.
“Shinazugawa?”
Nemi nods.
“Exactly,” he says, breaking into a smile. “Undying river.”
River, wide river. The stream that won’t die. Blue like the flowers today. Blue like the petals on Nemi’s pink tongue. Blue like the unending sky. That’s right, Genya thinks, gazing up at his brother. Nemi will figure things out. Nemi will figure something out, and they’ll all be okay.
“Nothing will happen,” Sanemi says, his thumbs covering Genya’s eyes. “We’re Shinazugawa, Genya. We will never die.”