Chapter Text
Chapter 1 – I know we only just met, so why do I feel invested?
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Set during and after chapter 18 of A little less 'Immortals', a little more 'Kintsugi kids' (Hold me like a grudge)
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Awsten feels like a complete idiot.
It’s bad enough that he sneaked into the library so he could meet Otto once he and Dallon were done catching up, but now that he’s face to face with the new vampire, he feels awkward as all hell, and he’s starting to question his choices. Especially since he just admitted to Dallon out loud that he finds his second-in-command hot. Ugh, why can’t he ever keep his mouth shut?
“Otto, this is Awsten.” Dallon’s brief introduction might be one-sided, but it serves its purpose and it keeps the whole thing informal, which Awsten is grateful for.
“The infamous Awsten.” God, Otto has the fucking loveliest smile. And the cutest nose ring. And is that a fucking tongue piercing? Fuck. “I like your hair.”
“I like your face,” Awsten really thought he could be smooth and charming, but instead, his own words sound so cringeworthy he almost physically recoils after speaking them. So he adds, “Sorry, I kinda forgot how to flirt.”
Yeah, that’s really gonna make it sound like you’ve got your shit together, he tells himself.
“Don’t worry,” Otto offers with a genuine laugh, which is grace Awsten truly hasn’t earned. “You can practice on me.”
Oh?
“No, he cannot,” Dallon immediately jumps in, addressing his deputy a glare that could have incinerated a medium-sized plant on the spot.
Otto, however, doesn’t seem overly perturbed by that objection, and when Awsten rolls his eyes, Otto addresses him a wink and just the hint of a grin.
Oh.
Yeah, no, stop that, brain. Awsten should really not get his hopes up. There is no way Otto took his terrible flirting seriously, of course, he’s probably just being nice and humoring the silly little human his boss has all but adopted. Maybe if Awsten just shuts up and stops embarrassing himself, he might trick Otto into thinking he’s a normal guy, and not a socially inept mess. Dream big, right?
“I need to go talk to Travie, can I leave the two of you alone or am I going to regret it?” Dallon asks with a critical look that shows he is in no way joking.
“Dude, you’re about to leave on a fucking boy scout field trip, we’ll be alone one way or another,” Awsten points out with another roll of eyes and just the hint of a scowl.
“He means no, you won’t regret it,” Otto translates for him, entertainment shining in his eyes, but barely coming through his controlled expression.
Dallon looks supremely unconvinced by both their answers, but apparently decides to let it go and instead heads out of the library to track down Travie. And possibly go start packing for his mission. A mission Awsten really wanted to be a part of, and no, he’s not sulking, shut up. He tries to see the bright side of being left at home - at least he’ll be spending some time with Otto; or Hotto, as he has nicknamed him in his head. He’s very proud of that nickname, but thankfully not proud enough to say it out loud.
“I’m assuming Dallon told you I’ll be your bodyguard while he’s away?” Otto inquires with the hint of a smile, but it’s obvious he’s trying to figure out how irritated Awsten actually is about that.
“I don’t think I need a bodyguard,” Awsten objects with a chuckle. “But yeah, both him and Ryan are leaving, and Mikey’s not home yet, so I guess he wants to make sure I won’t starve again.”
It’s a joke, but it must come out in a way that doesn’t make it clear enough, because Otto stares at him like he’s grown a second head. “Excuse me?”
“It’s a long story,” Awsten huffs, waving the whole thing off. He doubts Otto cares about his misadventures anyway, and it’s a rather embarrassing one at that, so Awsten just moves past it. Or tries to.
“I feel like we’ll have plenty of time for long stories in the next few days,” Otto comments, his expression relaxing once more into a smile, and yet retaining some of the doubt from before.
“You know you don’t actually need to watch me 24/7, right?” Awsten asks with a grin, but there is a hint of genuine concern in there, because hell no, he’s not going to put up with having someone monitor him nonstop. The idea reminds him too much of how they kept watch when he was first locked up in East Hollow, and it sends a little shiver of discomfort down his spine.
“I know that,” Otto huffs with a roll of his eyes. “But Dallon said you’re coming home with us, so I figured we might as well get to know each other a little.”
“Oh.” Awsten is genuinely surprised, and there’s no hiding it, but at least his unease melts away. He expected Otto to just check on him from time to time and then ignore him, but apparently the vampire doesn’t loathe his assignment as much as Awsten thought he would.
“I mean, unless that’s not--” Otto starts, a little embarrassed that he might have overstepped.
“No, yeah, I’d like that,” Awsten interrupts him immediately, nodding his head. “Sorry, I’m just-- I’m shit at being normal about people and conversations, and I honestly thought you’d hate this task Dallon gave you.”
Go ahead, tell him how you really feel, Awsten. Ugh, he needs to shut up.
“Why would I?” Otto’s confusion is so utterly genuine it makes Awsten feel even more like an idiot.
“I’m not--” used to people wanting to be around me. He doesn’t finish the sentence that way, thank fuck, and instead adds, “I guess I thought you’d get bored, you know, babysitting a dull human.”
Otto doesn’t answer immediately, his eyes searching Awsten’s for a long moment – there’s a spark of curiosity there, and an intensity that tells Awsten the vampire might look easy-going and quiet, but he’s probably anything but. It should not intrigue him as much as it does.
“Wanna know what I think?” Otto asks after a few moments, and the playful hue of his grin causes Awsten to hesitate for a second. There’s no need for him to answer, though, because a beat later, Otto adds, “I think there isn’t a single dull thing about you, Awsten Knight.”
And really, Awsten tries to control his smile, he does, but it just blooms on his face before he can stop it, so he looks down to try and preserve whatever crumb of dignity he has left. The effect is that he probably looks like a thirteen-year-old girl with a crush – which is precisely how he feels. Why does Otto have to be so fucking charming?
“Well, I guess you’ll have to find out, then,” Awsten responds once he’s managed to tone his smile down to a small grin. And hey, look at that, non-terrible flirting! “But I’ll accept no complaints when you find out you’re wrong,” he warns playfully.
Otto laughs quietly at those words and takes a couple of steps closer. “Has anyone ever told you you’re adorable?” And really, it’s not fair, because Otto pairs those words with a wink, and just as Awsten thinks he’s going to stand there, barely a foot between them, Otto walks past him instead. What a fucking tease.
“Adorable my ass!” Awsten protests as he spins around and watches Otto head for the door. He won’t let the vampire have the last word on that.
“Well yes, your ass is cute too,” Otto teases, and turns just enough to show off a smug grin that Awsten finds absolutely and ridiculously attractive. And then the words register, and Awsten’s face goes up in flames. Fine, he can have the last word on that.
Thankfully, Otto walks out a moment later and there’s hope he maybe doesn’t see the way Awsten’s cheeks burn bright red. God, was he always this clumsy and awkward? How did he ever get laid in college? No, he’s pretty sure he used to be better at this, he’s just out of practice. Keep telling yourself that, Knight.
He only gets maybe ten seconds of quiet contemplation of his lack of flirting skills before someone else walks in.
William.
“Hey, is that Dallon’s guy?” William points his thumb backwards at the door; a moment later, however, he seems to fully take in Awsten’s appearance and adds, “Are you okay? Your heartrate’s a little fast and you look flushed.”
“I’m just hot,” Awsten mutters, then makes a beeline for the door before William can put two and two together – he’s a smart vampire, Awsten has no doubt he’ll figure it out, but at least Awsten won’t be around for the teasing.
~~
Watching Dallon and Ryan leave without him is harder than Awsten anticipated. Rationally, he knows he’s not being left behind, they’ll be back in a few days at the most, but there is nothing rational in the feeling of dread that takes over his heart as he watches the car drive away. He reminds himself that Dallon has made him a promise, he tries to convince himself that the vampire wouldn’t abandon him, but it’s hard to override his instinct.
Life has thought him a different lesson, everyone who should have stuck by his side left, one way or another – his sister ran away and disappeared, his parents dumped him in East Hollow and forgot about him after a few months of sporadic visits, even his college girlfriend decided he was not worth the drama and left him the day after the fire happened; via fucking text too. She probably thought he actually started the fire – they all did.
The thought sparks a familiar burning feeling of anger and frustration that sours his mood even more – sure, the meds used to dampen his abilities and blur his thoughts and make him hazy, but at least they also dulled the pain and the rage and the resentment. Now that he’s clean off them, he feels everything with devastating lucidity, and sometimes it just gets to be too much.
And that only makes the current situation worse, because whenever he gets overwhelmed, he usually seeks out the one person who has proven to truly be on his side, the one person who stood up for him and protected him when he was a helpless, broken, pathetic mess. The one person who went from scary stranger to family and emotional anchor in the span of two months. Except Dallon isn’t around now, and Awsten feels subtle panic run beneath his every thought, because what if he never comes back? What if he’s about to be alone all over again?
A knock on his bedroom door interrupts his thoughts before they can spiral into a proper panic attack, but it still takes him a moment to find his voice and call out, “Come in.”
The door opens slowly, letting the light from the hallway bleed inside, and Awsten realizes he didn’t even bother turning on the light when he came in earlier. Great, he must make a fucking pitiful picture, sitting on the edge of his bed in the dark, sulking and trying to ignore the tightness in his throat and the fear making his hands tremble.
“Hey,” Otto greets softly, and it’s obvious he’s caught on that something’s wrong.
“Hey,” Awsten mutters quietly, and silently dreads the question that he knows is coming ‘Are you okay?’. How the fuck is he supposed to lie through his teeth when he’s a dark thought away from breaking down? And over what? Dallon leaving for a few days? What is he, a fucking puppy getting abandoned on the interstate? God, can he be any more pathetic?
Just as his thoughts start spiraling again, Otto speaks. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
The question is not what Awsten expected, and it leaves him unable to speak for a moment, his throat feeling impossibly tight as a wave of gratefulness mixes with the dark, toxic liquid of his thoughts. “I don’t know,” he admits at last, then forces himself to take a deep breath – which sounds shakier than he’d like, and he’s sure the vampire can hear it. And hear his heart jackhammering in his chest.
“Can I come in?” Otto asks, and it makes Awsten realize that while he did open the door, he did not step in. Nor is he planning to, unless Awsten is okay with it. Again, the show of thoughtfulness manages to dispel some of the gloom, enough for Awsten to nod his assent. Otto nods right back, and walks in, then closes the door after himself.
It would seem the dark doesn’t bother him – it makes sense, vampire sight and all –, and Awsten’s eyes have gotten used to it by now. So neither of them turns on the light.
“Do you think it would help if I distracted you?” Otto offers as he takes a step forward, but still keeps a respectful distance.
“It’s okay, you don’t--” Awsten stops, and takes a breath before speaking again. “You don’t have to do anything, it’ll pass.” Again, another deep breath, then he adds, “I’m just being irrational and dumb and… I’ll get over it.”
“Stop that,” Otto scolds quietly, and yet his tone is firm. “You have every right to be upset, feelings don’t need to be rational to be valid.”
“I’m not upset, I’m--” terrified. That’s the word that refuses to come out, the word that would prove how fucking weak and pathetic he is, but he can’t bring himself to say it. There seems to be no need, however, because his body is probably broadcasting it loud and clear.
“I know,” Otto whispers, unexpected softness taking over his features as he walks closer and takes a seat next to him. “And I don’t think your fear is irrational, or dumb,” he continues, turning to look at him in the darkness. This close, Awsten has no trouble seeing him, seeing the quiet determination in his eyes, or the softness of his smile. “Dallon told me you’ve been through a lot, so I think your brain has plenty of good reasons to flood you with adrenaline. It’s just a defense mechanism, it’s natural.”
Awsten isn’t sure how to answer that, because… well, it makes sense. And yet, the terror is there, his hands are still shaking. “How do I stop it?”
“I don’t know,” Otto admits with a small sigh, then slowly reaches over to take Awsten’s trembling hand in his own. “Just ride it out, and prove it wrong, I guess.”
“What do you mean?”
Awsten finds himself squeezing Otto’s hand, the cold touch somewhat comforting, even if Otto isn’t Dallon, even if he’s basically a stranger. And yet, there’s something about him that’s soothing, calming, safe. Maybe it’s because his mind associates him with Dallon, or maybe it has to do with his aura, Awsten doesn’t know, he’s in no shape to figure it out, right now. All he knows is that the contact of their hands is helping, it’s grounding him. So he holds on.
“Well, I’m guessing you’re scared because Dallon left,” Otto observes candidly, and Awsten forces himself to nod, to admit to this fucking ridiculous and humiliating truth. There is no judgement in Otto’s tone when he speaks next, however, just quiet resolve. “I’m not Dallon, but I’m not going anywhere, and Mikey’s coming back soon,” Otto reasons after a moment. “So we wait it out, adrenaline flushes out after a while, and then the fear will be gone, but we won’t. I won’t. And that’s how we prove it wrong.”
Awsten just stares at the vampire then, surprised by how pragmatic and logical he makes it sound, when all Awsten’s usually analytical mind can do is drown his inner rational self in an ocean of doubt and paranoia and terror. It eases the constant swarming of thoughts just enough for Awsten to breathe a little easier.
“Why are you being nice to me? You barely know me,” Awsten finds himself asking, even as he holds onto Otto’s hand like his fucking life depends on it.
“Do I need a reason?” Otto counters with a little smile.
“I mean, people always have motives for doing shit, especially for being nice,” Awsten reasons quietly, eyes dropping to their interlocked fingers.
“That’s fair,” Otto admits, and Awsten feels relieved he doesn’t seem insulted by his straightforward answer. “Bleak, but fair.”
“I guess it’s part of your babysitting duties, making sure the silly human stays sane,” Awsten offers a moment later, and it takes a few seconds to realize his voice isn’t trembling as much anymore.
“I’m not your babysitter, Awsten, and you’re not silly,” Otto protests, his smile fading a little. “You’re--”
“If you say traumatized I will fucking slap you,” Awsten stops him with a glare; everyone is fixated on that part, like it’s his entire fucking personality. He knows he’s traumatized, he doesn’t need to be reminded every three conversations, for fuck’s sake.
Surprisingly, however, his words prompt a small laugh from the vampire.
“I was going to say ‘sweet’, but I’ll keep that in mind,” Otto comments with a small grin, and the words take a moment to register. Otto thinks he’s sweet? Yeah, right. Keep dreaming, Knight.
“You’re just saying that so I’ll calm down,” Awsten mutters, and while he tries to mask it as a joke, he doesn’t quite succeed.
“No, I’m not,” Otto protests with a roll of his eyes. “Wanna see the proof?”
“What proof?” Awsten frowns, clearly skeptical, but willing to listen.
In response, Otto takes his other hand in his own and lifts it up gently. “You’re not shaking anymore,” he points out with a soft smile. “So there’s no need to calm you down.”
Awsten just stares, then, his hand perfectly steady, and when the fuck did that happen? When did the panic retreat and leave room for the soft warmth of Otto’s proximity? What kind of fucking sorcery is this? And how did he not realize it was happening?
Sure, there is a shadow of unease still at the back of his mind, but it’s a far cry from how close he got to a proper panic attack. The way Otto was able to quietly talk him back to himself, to validate his feelings and let them run their course without them spiraling… well, Awsten wants to fucking cry with gratitude. He won’t, because he doesn’t want to look even more pathetic, but his eyes do sting a little, so he blinks a few times to make sure the tears stay back. Thankfully, by some miracle, he succeeds.
“Thank you,” Awsten whispers, eyes dropping to their joined hands once again. And he realizes that he dreads the idea of letting go, but he realistically knows that he’ll have to, soon. Unless he wants to make this sweet moment really fucking awkward.
“Anytime, sunshine,” Otto responds equally softly, and gives his hand a gentle squeeze.
Awsten feels a smile tug at his lips at the nickname, but doesn’t say anything about it. What he says instead is muttered in a playful tone, “You just had to be hot and a sweetheart, didn’t you?”
Otto’s laugh is quiet, but fuck if it’s not instantly shortlisted as one of Awsten’s favorite sounds in the entire fucking world, right now. Yeah, this isn’t helping his quickly developing crush in the slightest. Not even a little bit. But Awsten can’t bring himself to care, not right now.
Before he can say anything else, Otto’s attention turns to the door, his expression sobering for a moment as he seems to be listening to a sound Awsten can’t hear. Fucking great, is it more trouble? Otto relaxes almost instantly, however, and turns to him again with a reassuring smile. “I think Mikey’s home,” he informs with a nod, and Awsten feels a rush of relief wash over him like a warm wave.
Still, he doesn’t quite let go of Otto’s hand yet, and the vampire makes no move to leave. Instead, he offers, “Want me to stay until he comes up?”
Awsten simply nods in response, his smile feeling lighter now, easier on his lips, and by the time Mikey does come up to his door and knocks a few minutes later, Awsten feels more like himself than he has since Dallon left hours before.
“Hey kid,” Mikey greets as he walks in, but he’s clearly surprised to find that he’s not alone and that the two of them are sitting in the dark. “Otto? When did you get here?” Only then does he seem to notice how close they’re sitting and that they’re holding hands, which prompts a surprised grin as he adds, “Did I interrupt something?”
“No,” Awsten huffs, feeling warmth crawl up his cheeks, and yet, when he breaks the contact of their hands it’s slowly and a little reluctantly.
“I was just helping Awsten out with something,” Otto offers somewhat vaguely, which only makes it sound more suspicious.
“I bet you were,” Mikey comments with a knowing smile.
“Mikey, don’t be a dick,” Awsten mutters, rolling his eyes. “I was freaking out, and Otto helped me calm down.”
The effect those words have is immediate and the mirth in Mikey’s expression is instantly replaced by concern; it makes Awsten almost regret opening his mouth. “Why were you freaking out? What happened?”
“It’s a long story.” Awsten hopes it’s enough to discourage any further question, because he really does not feel like humiliating himself in front of Mikey too. “I’m fine now.”
Mikey looks at him for a long moment, clearly debating whether he wants to push it or not; Awsten’s glare seems to convince him it might not be a good idea, after all, and instead Mikey turns to Otto, who simply nods his silent agreement. Awsten feels immensely grateful that the vampire backs him up, because it seems it’s the final push Mikey needs to let this go.
“Fine,” Mikey breathes, clearly still worried, which is proven by his next words, “Just tell me it’s not Maja.”
Oh, so that’s what Mikey is afraid of, that the witch might have taken advantage of his and Dallon’s absence to try and talk him into lending her his abilities again. The thought makes a shiver run down his spine, but he shakes it off – after all, Patrick wouldn’t let her, and besides, she’s too busy preparing for the ritual to really pay any attention to him, right now. Not to mention Awsten’s pretty sure that Dallon warned Otto about her, and that keeping the witch at bay is definitely one of his babysitting tasks.
“It’s not the witch, don’t worry,” Awsten reassures him with a smile. “It was just… an anxiety thing.”
It’s as much as he can bring himself to say, but even as vague as it is, it seems to be enough for Mikey to accept that no intervention is needed on his part, just understanding.
And Mikey’s a lot better at empathizing than most people would probably give him credit for; then again, Awsten has a feeling he gets to see a side of Mikey that’s not exactly known to most people. He has seen how different Mikey is when they’re with the rest of the clan, how good he is at masking his feelings, at playing indifferent and aloof even though he cares very much about what’s being said. It used to give him emotional whiplash at first, especially when they started working together on their computer project and Mikey started letting the mask slip more and more often. Whether it was because he wanted to, or because he figured out it was pointless to mask with someone who can see his actual aura, Awsten doesn’t know, but he’s certainly glad he gets to be friends with the real Mikey.
“Alright, I’ll leave you two to it, I’m sure you’ve got some catching up to do,” Otto comments as he stands from the bed, and his words bring Awsten back from his wandering thoughts.
“What about we all go down to the kitchen and get a cup of tea?” Mikey proposes with a shrug. “I’m curious to hear what brings you here too, Otto.”
“You mean Dallon didn’t tell you?” Otto seems genuinely surprised by that, and Awsten can’t help but feel the same.
“I think he was hoping I’d be home before he left,” Mikey admits, and there’s a clear trace of wistfulness in his voice that tells Awsten he was hoping the same. “He doesn’t really trust phones.”
“Tell me about it,” Otto mutters with a roll of eyes that prompts a small laugh from Awsten. “Alright, let’s go have a drink.”
Awsten doesn’t miss the way Otto turns to look at him to make sure he’s okay with it, and Awsten simply nods, finally standing from his bed.
And look at that, Otto was right, after all. The fear is gone, but he’s there, and Mikey’s there. And it’s just a matter of time before Dallon is back home too, right?
~