Now that we all have our memories back, I remember everything. I remember what I am. I remember who I really am. I remember my love for her. Knowing how much she loves her Charming doesn't dampen my love for her. I know it's a lost cause, but the heart wants what the heart wants. My wolf is a secret I had from many, but my love for Snow is the secret I hide from all. I'm not sure how I will handle her return and not being able to declare my true feelings. I will hide behind the biggest lie of all – my smile.
***
Twenty-eight years. For 28 years, I kept the secret. The secret of Fairy Tale Land and the Enchanted Forest. The secret of who we all are. Now that the secret is out, I feel a certain sense of relief at no longer having to maintain the lies. But without the lies, everyone knows my secret – they know who I really am and what I've done. There is no place where I can hide now. My deepest pain? The loss of Henry. Now that his suspicions are confirmed, he wants nothing to do with me. My deepest secret? I don't blame him because I understand. I want to be someone, anyone, other than her. My deepest fear? It's too late for redemption.
***
When I was a child, I would have given anything to experience this adventure. As a little girl, the idea of falling through a magical hat to an enchanted forest with Snow White would have been my dream come true. Any time I read a fairy tale, I secretly hoped the characters would come to life and take me away from my life. Now that I'm living it, I'm not so sure. This time with my mother, learning who she is and how different from the Disney princess the real Snow White is, has been phenomenal. But I'm lying to her and lying to myself when I say I'm doing okay. I'm not. I miss Henry, wondering how much more of his life I have to miss. I don't want to find myself in a situation like Mary Margaret, discovering what I've missed in the years we've been apart. Instead, I offer a fake smile and pretend that I'm holding it together, when I'm really not. If we don't get back to Storybrooke soon, I might have to crack and slap some sense into Aurora.
